The simpsons Henry VIII

-♪ I´m Henry the VIII
I am

Henry the VIII I am, I am
I´ve been eating since 6 AM

For days!
And I´ll have dinner again

My name´s synonimous with cuckney

and I will eat a turkey
or a ham ♪

-Stop singing that song!
We all know who you are

-Her Magesty: Margerine of Aragon!

-What are you doing outta bed?
I just planted my seed in your womanly dirt

-Your magesty,
I know you want a son,

but must we discuss my womb
in front of the entire court?

(laughter)

-As the royal physician it is my
opinion that her womb

is filled with sea serpents.

(Loud snoring)
-Must sire a dude, sire a dude.

-Father dearest,
I am the son your crave,

I´m smart, athletic,
and ever so masculine

Could a girl belch like this?
(Loud belch)

-OH, my beautiful boy,
why can´t I have you?

-I dunno,
too much jerking your merking?

-Get out of my dream
and into my wife!

-I could have married the king of France
He wasn´t so preoccupied

with procreation
Ting-aling-aling,

Know what I mean?

-Oh look at me!
I eat, and eat, and eat,

But I never get any thinner.

-Well, then there´s more of you to worship
old sire!

-Who would dare to flatter a king?

-Anne Boleyn, loyal subject, big fan.
Modern Wench Magazine

dubbed me "Anne of the child bearing hips"

Yes, wide hips indeed!
My son could cart-wheel out...

-Oi, where are you taking me?
-Marriage counceling!

-We came here to talk our problems!
-Fine, I wanna marry Anne Boleyn,

but I can´t chop my wife´s head
off because her father

is the king of Spain!

-Your Magesty, your feelings are valid,
but I´m afraid marriage

takes a lot of hardwork...
(clicks his fingers)

And who needs that?
I say trade that lemon and get busy!

-Whohoo!

-Divorce?
There´s no such thing

in the Catholiathic church,
but that´s the only church we´ve got,

so, what are you gonna do?
-Start my own Church!

Yes, my own Church,
where divorce will be so easy

more than half the
marriages will end in it.

-Your Magesty, I work for the Pope,
and I think a celibate

Italian weirdo knows
a lot more about marriage

than you.
-I understand, and because you

stuck to your principles,
I´m going to canonize you.

(Bang)
-I can see my house!

-Sweety, sometimes a mommy and a daddy
decide to live apart,

It´s not your fault,
it´s just that you came out

the wrong sex and ruined everything.
-So grow a penis or

get lost!
(Effort sound)

-I can´t!
-Bye-bye!

-But why can´t your heir be
female, or why

can´t we elect our leaders.
-I wonder if we could canonize a child...

-Leaving!
-Hey, I invented divorce,

how did you get half of everything?
-You should´ve invented the pre-nup,

now, half of your kingdom please!

-I get Ireland?
(laughter)

-And by the power vested
on me by you just now

I pronounce you King and....
trophy queen.

In the name of the Henry, the Hank,
and the holy Harry, Amen, Henry.

(Kissing)

-Ok, now let´s put a son in the oven.
(kissing)

-Ow, Henry!

-Henry, sorry I bore you a daughter.
-Stop, Anne! I love her,

as much as I love you!

(Drums)

-Your head lives for five
seconds afterwards,

so I left a magazine in the basket.
(Axe beheading)

-Oh, my horoscope!
Today will bring welcome new changes

into your life.
Wrong!

-Sir Scratchy,
I accuse you of conducting

a Catholic mass!
-Lord Itchy, I accuse you

of not signing the Act of Succession!
(fighting grunting)

-Oh, if only I had a son
to enjoy this with...

Hey baby, how would
you like to be queen for a day?

(Laughter)
-It´s funny cuz you are King!

-Do you, Jane Seymur,
take this king to be your

lawfully wedded husband,
till your first little spat?

-I do, I double do!
Henry is the ginchiest!

-The Lord is my She...
(Axe beheading)

-I told you I was a dude!
(Axe beheading)

-You didn´t dump me I dumped you!
(Axe beheading)