-♪ I´m Henry the VIII I am
Henry the VIII I am, I am I´ve been eating since 6 AM
For days! And I´ll have dinner again
My name´s synonimous with cuckney
and I will eat a turkey or a ham ♪
-Stop singing that song! We all know who you are
-Her Magesty: Margerine of Aragon!
-What are you doing outta bed? I just planted my seed in your womanly dirt
-Your magesty, I know you want a son,
but must we discuss my womb in front of the entire court?
(laughter)
-As the royal physician it is my opinion that her womb
is filled with sea serpents.
(Loud snoring) -Must sire a dude, sire a dude.
-Father dearest, I am the son your crave,
I´m smart, athletic, and ever so masculine
Could a girl belch like this? (Loud belch)
-OH, my beautiful boy, why can´t I have you?
-I dunno, too much jerking your merking?
-Get out of my dream and into my wife!
-I could have married the king of France He wasn´t so preoccupied
with procreation Ting-aling-aling,
Know what I mean?
-Oh look at me! I eat, and eat, and eat,
But I never get any thinner.
-Well, then there´s more of you to worship old sire!
-Who would dare to flatter a king?
-Anne Boleyn, loyal subject, big fan. Modern Wench Magazine
dubbed me "Anne of the child bearing hips"
Yes, wide hips indeed! My son could cart-wheel out...
-Oi, where are you taking me? -Marriage counceling!
-We came here to talk our problems! -Fine, I wanna marry Anne Boleyn,
but I can´t chop my wife´s head off because her father
is the king of Spain!
-Your Magesty, your feelings are valid, but I´m afraid marriage
takes a lot of hardwork... (clicks his fingers)
And who needs that? I say trade that lemon and get busy!
-Whohoo!
-Divorce? There´s no such thing
in the Catholiathic church, but that´s the only church we´ve got,
so, what are you gonna do? -Start my own Church!
Yes, my own Church, where divorce will be so easy
more than half the marriages will end in it.
-Your Magesty, I work for the Pope, and I think a celibate
Italian weirdo knows a lot more about marriage
than you. -I understand, and because you
stuck to your principles, I´m going to canonize you.
(Bang) -I can see my house!
-Sweety, sometimes a mommy and a daddy decide to live apart,
It´s not your fault, it´s just that you came out
the wrong sex and ruined everything. -So grow a penis or
get lost! (Effort sound)
-I can´t! -Bye-bye!
-But why can´t your heir be female, or why
can´t we elect our leaders. -I wonder if we could canonize a child...
-Leaving! -Hey, I invented divorce,
how did you get half of everything? -You should´ve invented the pre-nup,
now, half of your kingdom please!
-I get Ireland? (laughter)
-And by the power vested on me by you just now
I pronounce you King and.... trophy queen.
In the name of the Henry, the Hank, and the holy Harry, Amen, Henry.
(Kissing)
-Ok, now let´s put a son in the oven. (kissing)
-Ow, Henry!
-Henry, sorry I bore you a daughter. -Stop, Anne! I love her,
as much as I love you!
(Drums)
-Your head lives for five seconds afterwards,
so I left a magazine in the basket. (Axe beheading)
-Oh, my horoscope! Today will bring welcome new changes
into your life. Wrong!
-Sir Scratchy, I accuse you of conducting
a Catholic mass! -Lord Itchy, I accuse you
of not signing the Act of Succession! (fighting grunting)
-Oh, if only I had a son to enjoy this with...
Hey baby, how would you like to be queen for a day?
(Laughter) -It´s funny cuz you are King!
-Do you, Jane Seymur, take this king to be your
lawfully wedded husband, till your first little spat?
-I do, I double do! Henry is the ginchiest!
-The Lord is my She... (Axe beheading)
-I told you I was a dude! (Axe beheading)
-You didn´t dump me I dumped you! (Axe beheading)