The peaceful warrior way | Dan Millman | TEDxBerkeley

Dan Millman talks about living in the present moment, just doing it now.

Millman has written 16 books, both fiction and nonfiction, that focus on the conscious evolution of the mind and body. Dan's books have been translated into 29 languages and have influenced millions of lives. Perhaps his most popular book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, was adapted to film in 2006.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx.

Hello everyone.

I'm happy to be here with you
at the TEDxBerkeley event today.

I teach something,

an approach to living
I call "The Peaceful Warrior's Way."

But I'd like to set a context
for what I'm about to share with you,

so let me give you
a sense of my story in brief.

When I was a young man at Berkeley
training in a gym right across the street,

and that old gas station -
in the story, in the movie, in the book -

was about two blocks from here,
on Oxford and Hearst,

I used to do things like this:

(Applause)

But now I'm into my
68th year on Planet Earth,

so you won't see me doing
much of that anymore.

In fact, they've moved my books
from the new age section

to the middle-age section

(Laughter)

in the stores.

But back then I was focused,
almost obsessed,

with the idea of talent
and understanding what that meant.

I defined talent as the ability
to learn something quicker and easier

and rise to higher levels -

that seemed like a fair
estimation of talent.

And I asked could it be developed?

Is it innate or developed?

And it seemed to me intuitively,

and since research has confirmed,

that talent is about 20% innate -

body type and so on for sports -

but about 80% could be developed.

And I said, back then
when I was training as an athlete,

and when I was coaching
at another university down the peninsula,

I started working with that idea:

What constitutes physical talent?

What helps people learn faster
and easier and rise to higher levels?

And what if I trained a foundation,

and my athletes developed that

before focusing on
the skills of gymnastics?

So, it seemed to me that strength
and flexibility and coordination

and rhythm and timing
and reflex speed and balance

all contributed to this ability
to learn faster and easier.

So for the first year, I trained
the athletes in all these qualities,

and the team went
from the bottom of the conference

to one of the top
three teams in the nation

in about three and a half years.

I trained the top US Olympian as well.

So my theories did work in practice,

and I might still be coaching today,

but I was going through some things
in my own life, outside the gymnasium,

and I realized being able to do
handstands and somersaults

didn't help me much
when I went out on a date.

And those skills
really didn't apply directly

when I got married or had children

and dealt with financial
challenges and career decisions

and all the challenges
of everyday life we all face.

So that's when I started
asking bigger questions:

How can we, as humans beings,

develop a talent,
not necessarily for sports,

but a talent for living,

for the actual changes of everyday life.

Now, I've said a few things
about my story,

but let me acknowledge your story.

You have a story as well,
and it's your treasure

because no story on the planet
is exactly like yours.

It's not as if you just have a story -

you are a story in the making;
you're a novel being written,

and you never know what
the next chapter is going to be.

So I want to acknowledge

that we've all overcome adversity
and difficulties in our lives.

Now, I could be wrong about that,

so maybe I can ask for a show of hands:

Would you raise your hand, please,

if you've experienced physical,
emotional or mental pain in your life.

Could I see a shown of hands out there?

Thank you. Okay,
we do have that in common.

You know, I think you'd agree, though,

that that difficulty, that pain,
that adversity you may have dealt with -

because of that,
you're a little bit stronger now.

Maybe a little bit wiser.

And maybe even have a greater sense
of compassion and perspective

for having gone through that.

So, we don't have to pretend
to like difficulties when they come,

but we need to keep
that thread of attention

that there are hidden gifts
depending on how we respond to it -

that's what I learned.

So, that question of how we
can develop talent for living

actually led me around the world
studying with various mentors

over more than a decade,
pretty intensively.

And it led to this approach to living
I call the peaceful warrior's way.

That's not my way;
it's not something private to me,

it's not a club one needs to join.

It's our way.

Because everyone I've seen is striving
to live with a more peaceful heart,

but there are also times in our lives
that we need a warrior's spirit,

everyday challenges that call forth
that warrior spirit inside of us.

So that is what I do:

It's about peaceful heart, warrior spirit.

It's a sense of balance -

living with our head in the clouds
but our feet on the ground.

So then you might ask,

"What would be a peaceful warrior's
approach to catalyzing change?"

Well, let's be very realistic;

when things are going great in our lives,

and we've all had moments like that,
when everything was going great -

we don't want change.

At those points, we want
everything to stay the same,

but it doesn't.

And so life changes;
life is full of change.

But when things aren't going well,

when we have some challenges
in our life coming up,

then we're looking for change.

Some of us, it's enough to catch a cold,

and we start reexamining our life -

you know what I mean.

So, any time we face
some adversity, some challenge,

we start to reflect and look
at our lives once again

and wonder if we can make some changes.

Now, there are two sorts of changes:

There's external changes,

brought about by political activism,

changing our technologies,

institutions, social institutions.

So there's this great tradition
of changing the world,

improving the world around us.

And it's very important.

There is also a tradition
of internal change,

psychological, spiritual, personal growth,

where people say, "You know,
I think the greatest difference I can make

is changing myself,

and then I can bring more
into the world and be more useful."

Now, for some people

there's a contradiction
between those two sorts of change.

They say, "Oh, I don't want to be
a navel gazer and just think about myself,

and I want to be
politically active in the world."

Well, I actually confronted
this important question.

I was walking down Telegraph Avenue

in the late 60s with Socrates.

The Vietnam War was raging.

I was doing a lot of work
on myself at the time:

self- reflection,
self-observation, self-analysis.

I was even doing a form of self-massage
from the ancient Mongolian warriors

to clear fear-produced tension

from the bone surfaces
of every bone in the body -

took about six hours.

So I was doing a lot
of personal processing,

and at the same time,
as we walk down Tele,

I noticed a poster about starving children

and oppressed peoples

and anti-war activism and organizing

and I turn to Soc and said,

"You know, Soc, I feel kind of guilty
or selfish doing all this work on myself

when there's so many people
in need out there."

And he didn't say anything at first,
and suddenly he turned to me

and he said, "Take a swing at me."

I said, "What? Did you hear
what I was just saying?"

He said, "Come on, I'll give you $5
if you can slap me on the cheek.

Go ahead."

Well, I figured it was some kind
of test he was giving me,

so I bobbed and weaved,
and finally I took a swing at him.

In the next moment,
I found myself on the ground

in a rather painful wrist lock,

and as he helped me to my feet,

he said, "You notice a little
leverage can be very effective?"

I said, "Yes, I noticed."

He said, "Well, if you
want to help people,

of course do what
your heart tells you to do,

but don't neglect the work on yourself

because that is what's going
to give you the clarity, the courage,

to know how to exert the right leverage,

at the right place,

at the right time

and really make a positive
difference in the world.

So, it's not a question
of either/or - this kind of change -

it's a matter of both,
outward and inward.

Now, even if we decide
we want to work on ourselves,

where do we exert the right leverage?

What is that comprised of?

Some people focus on fixing their insides.

This is very popular
in the metaphysical spiritual traditions

and the self-help movements -

how to change your thoughts,
think more positively and so on.

So some work with the mind and emotions

to have just the right emotions,
and so on, to make a change in the world.

The emphasis I bring to it
can best be explained, I think,

by describing two fundamental
approaches to change,

to doing what needs to be done.

And the first approach is very popular.

It sounds something like this:

"First, you need to quiet your mind
so you can create empowering beliefs;

to raise your self-esteem
so you can practice positive self-talk;

to find your focus and affirm your power

to free your emotions
and visualize positive outcomes

so that you can find the courage

to generate the confidence,

to make the determination,

to form the commitment,

to feel sufficiently motivated

to do whatever it is you need to do.

Whew! That's one approach.

I recommend the other,
which is just do it.

(Laughter)

Life is always going to come down to that

whether it takes us a few minutes
or a few months or years.

The question always remains before us:

What will you do, now,
in response to the circumstances?

Because it seems to me
that we have to look closely

at what we have more or less control over.

Can we control the thoughts
that arise in our mind and change those?

Let me ask you, how many
of you have ever read a book

about positive thinking,
the power of positive psychology,

positive thinking,
positive mental attitude?

Okay, I see quite a few hands.

Now, how many of you have
only had positive thoughts

after reading those books,
for say, the last couple weeks?

Anybody?

That's interesting, isn't it?

And we believe, of course,
but if I'd read the book twice,

if I'd highlighted it
and done all the exercises,

maybe I, too, would be having
more positive thoughts.

Well, maybe so.

But as far as I've looked,

we don't have any direct control
over what thoughts arise in our awareness.

We don't have a spam filter in our heads;

a lot of junk mail comes through.

And that's perfectly natural,
it's part of life;

sometimes my thoughts are positive,
sometimes they're negative.

I'm at peace with my mind now
because I've recognized that;

I'm no longer worried about it.

If you want to become obsessed
about something, I'll tell you how.

Just try really hard not to think
a given thought all day.

How about our emotions?

Can we control our emotions?

If we could just will ourselves

to feel differently from the way
we feel in any given moment,

then my seminars and talks
would be very short.

I would just say, "Hi, my name is Dan.

I recommend you feel happy
the rest of your life."

(Laughter)

Somebody came up to me after
a seminar or talk or workshop I gave,

and said, "Dan, I don't know.
I have to tell you. I feel so inspired."

I said, "Don't worry. It will pass."

(Laughter)

Because it's true, isn't it?

Inspiration comes and goes;
motivation rises and falls.

The question remains, what will we do?

What will we do?

Now, I'd like to share
a bit of a secret with you.

How do we turn what we know
into what we actually do?

Isn't this the major
challenge of our lives?

Let me give you a very specific example,

because we all know, for example -
raise your hand if you know,

if you're aware -

that it's good to do regular,
moderate exercise almost every day.

Please ...

Just raising your hand will help
the blood circulate in your bodies.

So, I recommend it.

Alright, so everybody knows it -

I think I see somebody
in the back who is going ... (smack)

Maybe not, maybe not.

We all know this, but now let me
ask you again - please raise your hand

if you do regular, moderate
exercise almost every day.

Alright. I see quite a few hands go up,
but there were fewer hands that time.

So, some of you know it's good for you,

but I'm sure for very good reasons -
your schedule and so on -

you haven't found time or made time
to actually work that into your life.

So, this is my little secret to give you:

When you get up tomorrow morning,

just get up, go about your morning
and then do one jumping jack.

And then go about your day.

And the next day, do another
jumping jack, just one jumping jack.

And the day after that,
do one jumping jack.

At the end of 30 days, if somebody
comes up to you and says,

"By the way, do you have
a regular exercise routine?"

(Laughter)

Yes!

Now we find that amusing,
and it is kind of funny,

but, of course, you're
more sophisticated than that,

you're saying, "Come on, Dan,

that's not going to give me
my aerobic points

or change my metabolic set point
or give me a training effect,"

but it's significant,
and I'll tell you why:

First, you made a resolution
you've stuck with.

You have set aside a time,
every day, for your exercise routine.

The second month,
you might do two jumping jacks -

double your workout.

Yes!

(Laughter)

You might put on some music
and just move your body, every joint.

You might - you know the hardest part
about exercise is getting the clothing on.

You might walk half way
around the block, breathing deeply.

You might even learn
the peaceful warrior workout

which I've done every day
for 27 1/2 years -

every day.

It's a four-minute routine,

and it's based on a principle

that goes along with
what I've been sharing:

a little of something
is better than a lot of ...

Yes.

So in other words, it's fine to dream big

but start small

and then connect the dots.

Life can feel overwhelming

when we're thinking
about the past and future.

You know, a writer
named Barbara Rasp said,

"The lesson is simple;
the student is complicated."

By focusing less, actually,
on trying to have just the right thoughts,

and positive thoughts and quiet mind

and just the right feelings,

if we focus on what we have
more control over -

how we move our arms and legs,
what we actually do moment to moment -

it simplifies our life.

Do you ever wake up
in the morning thinking,

"Oh, I have 26 things I have to do today"?

But actually there's only
one thing you need to do:

Open your eyes when you first wake up

and then sit up,

unless you sleep sitting up,

and then put your feet on the floor,

one thing at a time.

My life is very busy.
I'm sure yours is very busy too.

But my life has become very simple

when I finally realized
I can only do one thing at a time.

A young man, a college student,
came up to me once and said,

"Dan, I know you charge a lot
of money for personal consultations,

but I'm a poor college student;
I just have a dollar.

Can you tell me something for a dollar?"

(Laughter)

I said, "Sure," and I told him
six words that could change his life

if he actually practiced it.

Those six words were simply,

"Here and now,

breath and relax."

Just remembering to do
those things more often;

remembering where we are,

where we are right here, right now.

The moment of reality; it's the only one.

Mark Twain once said,
"I've had many troubles in my life,

most of which never happened."

(Laughter)

Yeah, we laugh because
there's some truth there;

a light bulb goes on.

Most of our troubles are self-created

about past and future, regrets, anxieties,

but right now, we can handle this moment.

Life comes at us in waves of change.

We cannot predict or control those waves,

but we can become better surfers.

So in closing,

I'd recommend to you, to us all,
that we practice surfing;

learn to surf the waves
of change here and now,

each moment.

We can always handle this moment,

and the qualities of our moments

become the quality of our lives.

Thank you very much.

(Applause)