Breaking Bad Habits

<Breaking Bad Habits>

(Questioner) I'm very glad
to see you again.

Thank you for all the help you've provided
for me and a lot of people.

Definitely, your wisdom is very much
appreciated and accepted.

I'm doing pretty good lately
and, at times, feel a lot of equanimity.

While there is a lot of peace of mind, there's
always a nagging voice in the background.

I'm afraid to go back to my old habits.

Even though I've improved a lot,
there are moments I still fall back,

and I feel frustrated when that happens.

Practice has been incredible
in easing most of my mental afflictions

through a lot of reflection,
and I feel much better.

But now that I've been feeling this
equanimity for a few weeks

and feeling very good,

there's always a nervousness that
I'll fall back into my habitual patterns.

In a way, that's a negative thinking.

It's very difficult
to break these habitual patterns.

Why is it so difficult?

(Sunim) Has your relationship with
your daughter improved a lot, or

have you been able to let go of the issues
that were hanging over that relationship?

(Questioner) Yes.

(Sunim) That's great.
Let me ask you a question.

Which one is more likely to succeed:
trying something for the first time,

or trying what you have succeeded
previously and going at it again?

(Questioner) Sometimes it's more difficult
to go back and review all these patterns.

Sometimes it's a little easier.

But let's say it's easier
to go through new things.

Still there's some difficulty in that too,
but it gives a better outcome in some way.

(Sunim) You've experienced
some tough times in your life.

And you said you have gotten a lot better
and can maintain equanimity,

having gone through a lot of practice and
putting in a lot of effort to get there.

Even if your concern comes true
and you revert back,

would you be a little better than before,
knowing what you know

and having the capacity that you do,
or would you be just as bad as before?

(Questioner) I'll be definitely better off
knowing what I know now, much better.

And in many ways, I'm very glad to have overcome my mental attachments; ery glad that whatever I needed to overcome - my mental attachements Through everything I did to overcome
my mental attachments,

I'm much better off in many ways.
I'm much better off now.

I am so glad that
I went through the work

because I definitely think
I am in a better place.

(Sunim) Let's say
you started off at minus 10,

then you worked yourself
all the way up to plus 10.

Even if you relapse, as you are concerned,
you won't relapse all the way to minus 10,

you'll relapse maybe to minus 5,
but your starting point is now at minus 5.

Getting to plus 10 or 15 from that point
will be much easier than the first time.

So, what I'm trying to say is
that even if you relapse,

the intensity is not as bad as before,
and you have already built up

the capacity to bring
yourself back up.

So there's no reason
for you to be concerned.

You need to practice being awake
as much as possible in order to not relapse,

but you do not need to worry about
falling all the way back to the beginning.

It will be much easier to get back up
as you now have the capacity.

So, I'm saying that
you should not be scared.

First, you won't relapse.

Second, even if you do, it's going to be
easier for you to come back.

You'll do well,
there's no need for worries.

Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that
there's nothing there for you to be afraid of.

(Questioner) Thank you.
You're right and I really get your point.

I cannot say it's greed,
but definitely understand now

that even when I relapse to
some kind of a mental affliction

or attachment to these habitual patterns,
their intensity is much less by far.

I definitely agree with you that from
a minus position, possibly I work up to 10.

I agree, you are right.
I have already experienced that.

It's good that you mentioned
because I do fall but I don't feel

that I fall that deep anymore.

It's good to know.
Thank you very much.

(Sunim) The fear comes because you are
attached to the current state of positivity.

You should just observe that you are
in a good state and you are maintaining

equanimity and peace of mind
instead of being attached to that state.

Our mind is always dynamic,
it's constantly moving.

Just because you are in a good state now,
you can't try to grab onto it.

All you can do is just observe it
as it fluctuates and moves in dynamic ways

The fear comes from your attachment
and desire to hold on to that good state.

First, you need to avoid attaching yourself to
or obsessing over the current state.

Second, it is for you to realize
that even if you go back,

it's not something
for you to be afraid of.