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Veronica: 1 er Septembre 1989.
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Cher journal,
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Je crois que je suis une bonne personne, vous savez, je pense qu'il est bon dans tout le monde, mais ...
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Nous voilà! Premier jour de dernière année! Et euh ...
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Je regarde autour de ces enfants que je connais toute ma vie et je me demande ...
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Qu'est-il arrivé?
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Étudiants: Freak! Salope! Burnout! Bug-yeux! Poseur! Lardass!
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V: Nous étions si petit, heureux et brillant, étiquette à jouer et pourchassé.
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S: Freak! Salope! Perdant! Petit autobus!
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V: Le chant et battements de mains, rire et faire la sieste,
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la cuisson des biscuits, pâte manger.
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S: Bull d * ke! Coincé! Bossu!
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V: Ensuite, nous avons eu plus, ce fut le déclencheur,
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comme les Huns envahissent Rome.
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Girl: Aïe! V: Oh, désolé! Pardon..
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Bienvenue à mon école, ce n'est pas pas l'école secondaire.
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C'est le Thunderdome.
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Retenez votre souffle, et compter les jours. Nous sommes diplômés bientôt.
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S: White trash!
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V: Collège sera le paradis si je ne suis pas mort en Juin!
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Mais je sais, je sais
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La vie peut être belle.
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Je prie, je prie pour une meilleure façon.
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Si nous avons changé à l'époque, nous pourrions changer à nouveau!
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Nous pouvons être belle.
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Boy: Aïe! V: Mais pas aujourd'hui.
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V: Hey, tu vas bien? Garçon: Evadez, ballot!
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V: ... Désolé.
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S: Freak! Salope! Cr * pple! Homo! HOMO! HOMO!
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Les choses vont s'améliorer dès que ma lettre vient de Harvard, Duke, ou Brown.
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Wake de ce coma, prenez mon diplôme, je peux sauter cette ville.
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Rêve des murs couverts de lierre et des cafés français de fumée.
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Boy: Regardez!
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V: Lutter contre l'envie de frapper un match et mettre ce feu de décharge!
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Ram: Oooooops!
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V: Ram Sweeney. 3e année comme secondeur,
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et l'année 8 fessée lunchtrays, et d'être un énorme DICK.
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R: Qu'est-ce que vous me dites, SKANK? V: Aah, rien.
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But I know, I know life can be beautiful!
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I pray, I pray for a better way.
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We were kind before, we can be kind once more!
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We can be beautiful....
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V: [screams] ..Hey Martha. Martha: Hey.
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V: Martha Dunstock. My best friends since diapers.
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She's got a HUGE heart, but... around here, that's not enough.
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[sighs] Thank you.
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M: We still on for movie night? V: Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail.
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M: I rented The Princess Bride!
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V: [laughs]
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Wait, again? Don't you have it memorized by now?
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M: What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
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Kurt: MARTHA DUMPTRUCK! WIDE LOAD! HONK. HAHAAA!
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V: Kurt Kelly. Quarterback.
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He is the smartest guy on the football team!
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Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.
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K: [laughs] Honk, hooonk! V: Hey, pick that up, right now!
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K: I'm sorry, are you actually TALKING to me?
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R: My buddy Kurt just asked you a question.
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V: Yes, I am. I wanna know what gives YOU the right to pick on MY friend.
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You're a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant.
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K: You have a zit right there. Students: [laughing]
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V: Dear diary, why?
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Boy: Why do they hate me? Girl: Why don't I fight back?
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K: Why do I act like such a creep?
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V: Why?
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M: Why won't he date me? R: Why did I hit him?
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S: Why do I cry myself to sleep?
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V: WHY?
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S: Somebody hug me! Somebody fix me! Somebody save me! Send me a sign, God!
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Give me some hope here! Something to live for!
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Aaah~! Heather! Heather! And Heather!
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V: And then there's the Heathers. They just... float above it all.
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S: I love Heather, Heather, and Heather!
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V: Heather McNamara, head cheerleader.
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Her dad is LOADED. He sells engagement rings.
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Heather Duke, runs the yearbook.
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No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants.
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And Heather Chandler, the almighty.
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She is a mythic bitch.
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They're solid teflon. Never bothered, never... harassed.
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I would give anything to be like that.
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S: Mmmm~ Boy: I'd like to be their boyfriend.
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S: That would be beautiful!
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Girl: If i sat at their table, guys would notice me!
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S: So beautiful!
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M: I'd like them to be nicer!
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S: That would be beautiful!
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Creepy dude: I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked
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in an abandoned warehouse, and leave her tied up for the rats.
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(Editor's note: What the fuck.)
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H D.: [throwing up]
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H C.: Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87.
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H M.: Heather's right, maybe you should see a doctor, Heather!
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H D.: Yeah, Heather. Maybe I should!
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Ms. Fleming: Ah, Heather and Heather.
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H D.: [vomits] F: And Heather.
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Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting? You're late for class.
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H C.: Heather wasn't feeling well. We're helping her.
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F: Not without a hall pass, you're not. Week's detention.
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V: Um, actually, Ms. Fleming!
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All 4 of us are out on a hall pass for yearbook committee.
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F: I see you're all listed....
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Hurry up, get where you're going.
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H C.: This is an excellent forgery.
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Who ARE you?
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V: Uh... Veronica! ..Sawyer! I, um, I.. I crave a boon.
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H C.: What boon?
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V: Um.. Let me sit at your table with you at lunch? Just once! No talking necessary.
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If people think that you guys tolerate me then they'll leave me alone.
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Heathers: [laugh]
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Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes.
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H D.: How 'bout prescriptions?
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H C.: Shut up, Heather. H D.: Sorry, Heather....
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H C.: For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure.
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H M.: And a symmetrical face.
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If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves.
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That's very important.
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H D.: Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds.
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H C.: And you know, you know, you know this could be beautiful.
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Mascara, maybe some lip gloss, and we're on our way.
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Get this girl some blush, and Heather, I need your brush.
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Let's make her beautiful.
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H D.: Let's make her beautiful. H M.: Let's make her beautiful!
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H C.: MAKE HER BEAUTIFUL!
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H C.: Okay? V: Okay!
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Kurt: Out of my way, geek! Boy: I don't want trouble!
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Ram: You're gonna die at 3p.m.
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Girls: Don't you dare touch me, get away, pervert!
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Boy: What did I ever to to them?!
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Students: Who could survive this?! I can't escape this! I think I'm dying!
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Fleming: Who's that with Heather?
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S: WOAH!
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Heather, Heather, Heather,
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and someone!
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Heather, Heather, Heather,
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and a babe!
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Heather! Heather! Heather!
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Martha: Veronica?!
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S: Veronica! Veronica! VERONICA!
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V: And you know, you know, you know, life can be beautiful!
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You hope, you dream, you pray, and you get your way!
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Ask me how it feels lookin' like hell on wheels.
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My God, it's beautiful.
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S: Beautiful!
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V: I might be beautiful!
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And when you're beautiful,
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it's a beautiful frickin' day!
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S: Heather! Heather! Heather! VERONICA!
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V: YEA-EA-EEAAAH
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S: Veronica! Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!
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VERONICA!
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Dear diary, It's been 3 weeks since I became friends with the Heathers.
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[laughs]
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Actually, "friends" isn't exactly the right word. It's more like, um,
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The Heathers are people who I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
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M: Hey Veronica! V: Hey!
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M: You really do look beautiful these days
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V: Aww, thank you, but, it's still the same me, underneath.
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M: Are you sure?
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V: Oh, look, um... I'm really sorry that I flaked on movie night last week.
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I've just.. I've had a LOT going on.
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M: I get that!
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You're with the Heathers now! That's exciting.
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V: It's whatever, but we'll hang soon, I promise!
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H D.: VERONICA!
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Heather says to haul ass to the table, pronto.
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V: How very.
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H C.: Veronica! I need a forgery in Ram Sweeney's handwriting.
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You'll need something to write on. Heather, bend over!
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"Hello, beautiful!
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I've been watching you, and thinking about us in the old days!
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I hope you can come to my homecoming party this weekend!
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Miss you, Ram."
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[gasps] Put an "XO" after the signature!
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V: What's this for, anyway?
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H C.: I just found out that Ram used to hang with Marth Dumptruck.
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V: Well... [scoffs] yeah, in kindergarten. We all did.
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H D.: We all didn't kiss on the kickball field!
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H M.: Oh, that's right, I remember! Ram kissed Martha Dumptruck!
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It was disgusting!
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H C.: Perfect!
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K: It'd be so righteous to be in the middle of a
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Heather Chandler-Veronica Sawyer sandwich.
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R: Hell yeah. Punch it in!
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H C.: Ram!
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Be a sweetie and give this note to Martha Dumptruck for me?
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V: What?! No!
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R: Since when do you talk to that lardass?
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H C.: Oh, don't read it!
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She's having an extra heavy flow, and wanted some advice from my gyno.
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K: EW, GROSS!
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H C.: What are you doing?!
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V: Please don't do this, okay? Not to Martha.
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H D.: WHAT? It'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks.
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H C.: SHUT UP, HEATHER! H D.: Sorry, Heather!
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V: Martha has had a thing for Ram for like 12 years now, ok? This...
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V: This would kill her-- H C.: Are we gonna have a problem?!
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You got a bone to pick?
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You've come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick?!
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I'd normally slap your face off, and everyone here could watch!
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But I'm feeling nice. Here's some advice:
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LISTEN UP, BIOTCH.
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Kurt and Ram: [cheering]
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D&M: I LIKE
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C: Lookin' hot, buyin' stuff they cannot!
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D&M: I LIKE
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C: Drinkin' hard, maxin' dad's credit card!
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D&M: I LIKE
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C: Skippin' gym, scarin' her, screwin' him!
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D&M: I LIKE
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C: Killer clothes, All: KICKIN' NERDS IN THE NOSE!
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C: If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls.
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Let your mommy fix you a snack!
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Or you could come smoke, pound some rum and coke,
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in my Porsche with the quarterback.
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D&M: WO-OAH! WO-OAH! WO-OAH!
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All: Honey, whatcha waitin' for?
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Welcome to my candy store!
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Time for you to prove you're not a loser anymore!
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And step into my candy store.
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All: GUYS FALL D: at your feet.
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D: Pay the check, M: help you cheat.
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All: ALL YOU D: have to do,
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C: Say goodbye to Shamu!
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All: THAT FREAK'S M: not your friend, I can tell in the end,
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All: IF SHE D: had your shot,
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All: SHE WOULD LEAVE YOU TO ROT!
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M: 'Course if you don't care, Fine! Go braid her hair!
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Maybe Sesame Street is on!
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M: Or forget that creep, D: and get in my Jeep.
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C: Let's go tear up someone's lawn!
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All: WO-OAH! WO-OAH! WO-OAH!
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Honey, whatcha waitin' for?
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Welcome to my candy store!
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You just gotta prove you're not a pussy anymore.
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And step into my candy store!
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C: You can join the team, D&M: or you can bitch and moan!
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C: You can live the dream, D&M: or you can DIE ALONE!
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C: You can fly with eagles, All: or if you prefer,
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C: keep on testing me, All: and end up like HER!
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M: Veronica, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party!
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See, I TOLD you there was still something there!
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This proves he's been thinking about me.
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V: Color me stoked.
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M: I'm so happy! [giggles]
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D: OOH, WO-O-OAH! HONEY, WHATCHA WAITIN' FO--
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C: SHUT UP, HEATHER!
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Step into my candy store!
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D&M: Step into my candy store!
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All: It's my candy store, it's my candy...
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IT'S MY CANDY STORE, IT'S MY CANDY...
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IT'S MY CANDY STORE,
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IT'S MY CANDY STORE!
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???: You shouldn't have bowed down to the swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads.
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They're gonna crush that girl.
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V: I'm sorry, what?
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???: Clearly, you've got a soul.
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You just gotta work harder on keeping it clean.
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"We're all born marked for evil."
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V: Um, okay. Don't just quote Baudelaire at me and then walk away, excuse me.
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I didn't catch your name.
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???: I didn't throw it.
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K: Who's that guy in the jacket think he is anyway, Bo Diddley?
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R: Veronica's into his act, no doubt.
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K: LET'S KICK HIS ASS.
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R: No, we're seniors, man. We're too old for that shit.
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K: HEY, SWEETHEART!
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What'd your boyfriend say when you told 'im you were movin' to Sherwood, Ohioooo?
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R: My buddy Kurt just asked you a question
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K: Hey Ram, doesn't the cafeteria have a "No F*gs Allowed" rule?
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???: They seem to have an open door policy for assholes, though.
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R: Hold his arms.
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Students: HOLY SHIT!
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HOLY SHIT!
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HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIIIIT!
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V: Why, when you see boys fight, does it look so horrible, yet...
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feel so riiiight?!
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I shouldn't watch this crap, that's not who I am.
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But with this kid...
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Daaaaamn.
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Hey,
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Mr. No Name Kid,
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so who might you be?
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And could you fight for me?
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And hey,
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could you face the crowd?
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Could you be seen with me, and still act proud?
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[laughs]
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Hey, could you hold my hand?
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And could you carry me through No Man's Land?
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It's fine...
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if you don't agree.
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But I would fight for you,
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if you would fight for me.
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Let them drive us underground.
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I don't care how far.
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You can set my broken bones,
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and I know CPR.
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Well, woah.
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You can punch real good....
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You've lasted longer than I thought you would. So hey,
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Mr. No Name Kid,
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if some night you're free,
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wanna fight for me?
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If you're still alive,
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I would fight for you,
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if you would fight for me!
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K: MAN, THAT SUCKED!
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That kid fights better than the real Bo Diddley.
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R: Hey, have you ever seen Enter The Dragon?
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Bo Diddley fights with his shirt off, and is like pretty ripped for [redacted] dude.
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K: F*g!
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R: SHUT UP!
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K: RAM'S EATING CHINESE TONIGHT!
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R: SHUT UP, DUDE!
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(Editor's Note: I hate them so much.)
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H C.: God, Veronica. Drool much?
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You were totally throwing your panties at that new kid.
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D&M: [laugh weakly]
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H C.: And judging by your house, you can't afford replacement panties!
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D&M: [laugh weakly]
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V: Come on, I-I don't even know his name. H C.: [scoffs]
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Mr. and Mrs. Sawyer, watch out!
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Mrs. Sawyer: Oh!
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Haha, there you go, girls!
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Care for some pâté?
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H C.: That is not pâté, it's liverwurst.
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Mrs.S: Aha... I'm aware of that, Heather!
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It's a family joke!
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H C.: Oh... funny....
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Mr.S: Damnit. Will somebody please tell me why I read this spy crap?
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V: Oh, because you're an idiot, Dad.
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Mr.S: Oh yeah. That's it.
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Sawyers: [all laugh]
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Mrs.S: So girls, any big plans for tonight?
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V: Yeah! There's a big homecoming party at Ram Sweeney's house,
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so I'm gonna catch a ride with Heather.
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H C.: Speaking of which...
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V: Ok, uh...
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Great pâté, Mom, but
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I gotta motor if we wanna be ready for this party.
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Mrs.S: Don't let these popular girls change you.
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V: I need them.
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Mrs.S: What for? You have other friends! You have Martha.
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V: Well...
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Maybe I want more out of life than liverwurst, Mom....
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Mr.S: Those girls seem really nice.
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Heathers: SO STEP INTO MY CANDY STORE!
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It's my candy store, it's my candy... it's my candy store, it's my candy...
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It's my candy store,
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IT'S MY CANDY STORE!
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H C.: [honking horn] VERONICA! DON'T FORGET THE CORN NUTS!
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IT'S NOT A PARTY WITHOUT CORN NUTS!
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V: Um, BQ or plain?
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H C.: BQ!!!
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???: Greetings and salutations.
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You want a Slurpee with that?
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V: No, but if you're nice, I'll let you buy me a Big Gulp.
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???: That's like going to Mickey D's and ordering a salad.
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Slurpee's the signature dish of the house.
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???: Did you say cherry or lime? V: I said "Big Gulp".
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I'm Veronica, by the way.
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Are you ever gonna.. tell me.. your name?
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???: I'll end the suspense.
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Jason Dean. JD for short.
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V: JD.
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That thing you pulled in the Caf was pretty severe.
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JD: Well, the extreme always seems to make an impression.
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V: [laughs]
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So what's a Baudelaire-quoting badass like you doing in Sherwood, Ohio?
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JD: My dad's work.
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He owns a... a deconstruction company.
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V: "De-construction"?
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JD: The old man seems to enjoy tearing things down.
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You seen the commercial: "My name's Big Bud Dean!
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If it's in the way, I'll make your day!"
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V: [laughs] And then he pushes the plunger and the screen blows up.
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[laughs]
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[clears throat] That's your dad?
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JD: In all his semi-psychotic glory.
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V: Yeah, well... everyone's life has got static.
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H C.: [honks horn] VERONICAAAAAAAAAAA!
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V: Example: I don't really like my friends.
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JD: I don't really like your friends either!
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Bag the party, 'n..
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hang here.
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V: Ohh~
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7/11. Swanky first date.
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JD: Hey... I love this place.
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V: No offense, but... why?
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JD: I've been through 10 high schools.
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They start to get blurry.
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No point planting roots, 'cause you're gone in a hurry.
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My dad keeps 2 suitcases packed in the den so it's only a matter of when.
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I don't learn their names, don't bother with faces.
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All I can trust is this concrete oasis.
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Seems every time I'm about to despair,
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there's a 7/11 right there.
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Each store is the same, from Las Vegas to Boston.
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Linoleum aisles that I love to get lost in
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I pray at my altar of slush.
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Yeah, I live for that sweet frozen rush.
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Ah!
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Freeze your brain.
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Suck on that straw, get lost in the pain.
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Happiness comes when everything numbs.
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Who needs cocaine?
-
Freeze your brain.
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Freeze your brain.
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Care for a hit?
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V: Does your mommy know that you eat all that crap?
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JD: Not anymore.
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When mom was alive, we lived halfway normal.
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Now it's just me and my dad, we're less formal.
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I learned to cook pasta, I learned to pay rent.
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Learned the world doesn't owe you a cent.
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You're planning that future, Veronica Sawyer.
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You'll go to some college, and marry a lawyer!
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But the sky's gonna hurt when it falls,
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so you better start building some walls!
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Freeze your brain!
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Swim in the ice, get lost in the pain!
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Shut your eyes tight, 'til you vanish from sight.
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Let nothing remain!
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Freeze your brain!
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Shatter your skull, fight pain with more pain!
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Forget who you are. Unburden your load.
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Forget in six weeks, you'll be back on the road.
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When the voice in your head says "you're better off dead",
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don't open a vein!
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Just freeze your brain.
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Freeze your brain.
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Go on and freeze your brain.
-
Try it.
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V: Yeah I don't.. really see--
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OH! SON OF A BITCH!
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Ow. Ah, ahh...
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H C.: Veronica!
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V: Oh, God! I-I gotta go.
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JD: So I see.
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H C.: Corn Nuts?!
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V: They're right here. I'm sorry.
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H C.: Wave bye-bye to Red Dawn here and let's MOTOR.
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V: Sorry....
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Mr. Sweeney: Okay Ram, have fun tonight, but I expect you to act your age.
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If the neighbors complain about the noise, Paul and I are gonna march in here
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and knock the sand out of your vagina, you understand me?
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Ram: Dude, what am I, like 5?
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Mr.S: I'm your dad, not your dude!
-
Mr. Kelly: That goes double for you, Kurt.
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You're a guest in Bill's house, and you will treat it with respect.
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K: Sure thing!
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Dude. K&R: [both laugh]
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Mr.K: Hold his arms.
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K: Oh, I'm just kidding!
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Mr.K: Who's a great big sissy?
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Whos going to prom in a bright pink dress? Mr.S: You are!
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Mr.K: WHO'S A GREAT BIG SISSY?
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K: I AM A GREAT BIG SISSY.
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Mr.K: Alright.
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Enjoy the party, son!
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Mr.S: Punch it in!
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LOOK OUT, IT'S A CLAW!
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K: Man, that sucked.
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R: Who cares, dude?!
-
The parents are gone and I got my party slippers on!
-
Dad says "act our age". You heard the man, it's time to rage!
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Students: BLAST THE BASS, BURN OUT THE LIGHT.
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AIN'T NOBODY HOME TONIGHT!
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R: Drink, smoke, it's all cool. Let's get naked in my pool!
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S: PUNCH THE WALL, AND START A FIGHT. AIN'T NOBODY HOME TONIGHT!
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K: His folks got a water bed. Come upstairs and rest your head.
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R: Let's rub each others' backs while watchin' porn on Cinemax!
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S: THE FOLKS ARE GONE, IT'S TIME FOR BIG FUN.
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BIG FUN!
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WE'RE UP 'TIL DAWN, HAVIN' SOME BIG FUN.
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BIG FUN!
-
When mom and dad forget to lock the liquor cabinet,
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It's big fun. Big fun!
-
BIG FUN!
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WOO~!
-
V: Okay. Ok ok, so it's salt, and then lime... and then SHOT!
-
H M.: No, it's salt, then shot--
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H C.: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
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V: Wait, really?!
-
Because I feel great!
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Guy: Veronica! You are lookin' GOOD tonight.
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V: WOAH.
-
A hot guy smiled at me, without a trace of mockery!
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S: Everyone's high as a kite. Ain't nobody home tonight!
-
V: Zoned, stoned, I should quit. Hey, is that weed?? I want a hit!
-
S: Fill that joint, and roll it tight. Ain't nobody home tonight!
-
V: Dreams are comin' true, when people laugh, but not at you!
-
I'm not alone, I'm not afraid!
-
I feel like Bono at Live Aid!
-
S: THE HOUSE IS OURS! IT'S TIME FOR BIG FUN.
-
BIG FUN!
-
LET'S USE THEIR SHOWERS, THAT SOUNDS LIKE BIG FUN.
-
BIG FUN!
-
CRACK OPEN ONE MORE CASE.
-
V: I think that's what they call "third base".
-
S: BIG FUN! BIG FUN. BIG FUN!
-
V: That actually looks like All: BIG FUN.
-
BIG FUN. BIG FUN!
-
WOO~!
-
K: ALRIGHT EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP!
-
WHAT'S WESTERBURG GONNA DO TO THE RAZORBACKS AT SUNDAY'S GAME?!
-
R: Gonna make 'em go "Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee!"
-
S: BIG FUN. BIG FUN!
-
H D.: Way to show maturity!
-
S: BIG FUN. BIG FUN!
-
Quick it, jackass, GET OFF OF ME!
-
BIG FUN. BIG FUN!
-
V: Yo, Ram! Emergency.
-
I just saw some freshmen sneaking over the pool fence.
-
R: I hate freshmen! Where are you little pricks?! I'M COMING FOR YOU!
-
V: Hey, are you ok?
-
H D.: I didn't need your help!
-
V: Aww, thanks Heather, but I don't really have to vomit right now.
-
Get it? 'Cause the finger? [laughs]
-
S: THE PARTY'S HOT, HOT, HOT! IT'S TIME FOR BIG FUN.
-
BIG FUN!
-
K: YOU NEED A JELLO SHOT!
-
S: WE'RE HAVIN' BIG FUN. BIG FUN!
-
H C.: Martha Dumptruck, in the flesh.
-
H D.: Here comes the cootie squad! We should--
-
H C.: SHUT UP, HEATHER! H D.: Sorry, Heather!
-
H M.: Look who's with her! Oh my god.
-
Heathers: Dang dang, diggity dang-a-dang. Dang dang, diggity dang-a-dang!
-
V: I can't believe you actually came. M: It's exciting, right?!
-
Oh, uh, excuse me. I wanna say hello to Ram.
-
I brought sparkling cider! [giggles]
-
V: Martha...!
-
H C.: Showing up here took some guts. Time to rip 'em out.
-
H D.: Well who's this pig remind you of? Especially the snout. HA!
-
Hs: Dang dang, diggity dang-a-dang. Dang dang, diggity dang-a-dang!
-
R: Where the hell are those freshmen?!
-
M: Um.. hi Ram!
-
Uh, I wasn't gonna come but... since you took the time to write that sweet note....
-
R: What note?
-
Why do you gotta be weird all the time?
-
People wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal.
-
[spitting]
-
There's no alcohol in here!
-
Are you trying to poison me?
-
S: Dang dang, diggity dang-a-dang. Dang dang, diggity dang-a-dang!
-
Dang dang, diggity dang-a-dang, DIGGITY DANG-A-DANG!
-
THE FOLKS ARE GONE! IT'S TIME FOR BIG FUN.
-
BIG FUN!
-
WE'RE UP 'TIL DAWN, HAVIN' SOME BIG FUN.
-
BIG FUN!
-
SO LET THE SPEAKERS BLOW, THEY'LL BUY ANOTHER STEREO!
-
OUR FOLKS GOT NO CLUE 'BOUT ALL THE SHIT THEIR CHILDREN DO!
-
WHY ARE THEY SURPRISED WHENEVER WE'RE UNSUPERVISED,
-
IT'S BIG FUN.
-
BIG FUN!
-
BIG FUN.
-
BIG FUN!
-
BIG FUN.
-
BIG FUUUUN!
-
WOO~!
-
V: [screams]
-
H C.: Okay, Westerburgers!
-
Time to celebrate our upcoming victory over the Razorbacks
-
by WHACKING apart their mascot!
-
H M.: We need a volunteer to take the first swing at the piñata!
-
H C.: Martha Dunstock!
-
I think you should do the honors!
-
M: I don't really know this game.
-
H M.: [gasps] Let's show this girl some Westerburg spirit! Whoop!
-
S: [cheering]
-
H M.: Martha! Martha!
-
All: MARTHA! MARTHA! MARTHA! MARTHA! MARTHA!
-
H M.: Bring out the piñata.
-
S: [laughing and cheering]
-
V: Hey, give that to me!
-
H D.: HEATHER, HELP!
-
V: Give it to me now, NOW!
-
R: GIRL FIGHT! KISS! KISS!
-
S: KISS! KISS!
-
V: ENOUGH! What is your DAMAGE, Heather?!
-
You want this thing, then swim for it!
-
M: What's going on?!
-
V: Just go home, ok? I'll explain it to you later.
-
M: Oh, no, I was gonna do the--
-
V: Listen to me, listen to me.. just go, ok? Go...
-
I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry...
-
Well! We gave it a shot, okay?
-
I'm resigning my commission from the Lip Gloss Gestapo.
-
I'm going back to civilian life.
-
H C.: NO.
-
V: Oh, don't spin me! I'm not feeling well...
-
H C.: You don't GET to be a nobody.
-
Come Monday, you're an ex-somebody! Not even the losers will touch you now!
-
Transfer to Washington! Transfer to Jefferson!
-
No one at Westerburg's gonna let you play their reindeer games!
-
V: [coughing and gasping]
-
[vomits]
-
H C.: [screams]
-
I RAISED YOU UP FROM NOTHING!
-
AND WHAT'S MY THANKS?! I GET PAID IN PUKE!
-
V: Ohhh, lick it up, baby! Lick! It! Up!
-
H C.: I know who I'M eating lunch with on Monday.
-
Do YOU?
-
Okay, party people!
-
Where's the goddamn keg?!
-
S: [cheering]
-
V: The demon queen of high school has decreed it.
-
She says Monday, 8a.m. I will be deleted.
-
They'll hunt me down in study hall, stuff and mount me on the wall.
-
30 hours to live, how shall I spend them?
-
I don't have to stay and die like cattle.
-
I could change my name and ride up to Seattle.
-
But I don't own a motorbike.
-
Wait... here's an option that I like!
-
Spend these 30 hours gettin'
-
freaky~!
-
YEAH!
-
I need it hard, I'm a dead girl walkin'!
-
I'm in your yard! I'm a dead girl walkin'.
-
Before they punch my clock, I'm snappin' off your window lock!
-
Got no time to knock, I'm a dead girl walkin'!
-
JD: Woah. Veronica!
-
What are you doing in my room?!
-
V: Shh, shh shhhh!
-
Sorry, but I really had to wake you.
-
See, I decided I must ride you 'til I break you!
-
'Cause Heather says I gots to go! You're my last meal on death row.
-
Shut your mouth, and lose them tighty-whities.
-
Come on!
-
Tonight I'm yours! I'm your dead girl walking!
-
Get on all fours, kiss this dead girl walking!
-
Let's go, you know the drill! I'm hot, and pissed, and on the pill.
-
Bow down to the will of a dead girl walkin'!
-
And you know, you know, you know,
-
it's 'cause you're beautiful.
-
You say you're numb inside, but I can't agree.
-
So the world's unfair, keep it locked out there!
-
In here it's beautiful.
-
LET'S MAKE THIS BEAUTIFUL!
-
JD: That works for me!
-
V: YEAH!
-
Full steam ahead, take this dead girl walkin'!
-
JD: How'd you find my address?
-
V: Let's break the bed, rock this dead girl walkin'!
-
JD: I think you tore my mattress!
-
V: No sleep tonight for you, better chug that Mountain Dew!
-
JD: Okay, okay.
-
V: Get your ass in gear, make this whole town disappear!
-
JD: Okay, okay!
-
V: Slap me, pull my hair, touch me Both: THERE, AND THERE, AND THERE!
-
And no more talkin',
-
V: LOVE this dead girl walkin'! JD: Woah woah. Hey hey. Yeah yeah.
-
Both: Love this dead girl walkin'! JD: Woah woah. Hey hey. Wait Wait--
-
Both: LOVE THIS DEAD GIRL!
-
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
-
JD: Ow!
-
Both: YEEEAAAH!
-
H C.: Hellooo, slut.
-
V: Oh, god... how did you get in here?!
-
H C.: I'm like oxygen! I'm everywhere.
-
Really, Veronica?! Sleeping with Ps*cho Trenchcoat Kid?
-
[laughs]
-
I will crucify you for this.
-
Everyone at school's gonna know
-
Good Little Veronica is nothing but a dirty whore.
-
V: Heather... why are you SO determined to hurt me?
-
H C.: Because I can!
-
It'll be so very!
-
S: VERY. VERY. VERY! VERY!
-
H C.: [cackling]
-
V: [screaming]
-
JD: Woah! Veronica.. VERONICA! Veronica!
-
V: [chokes and gasps] JD: God, you're soaking wet!
-
V: Oh, my god.... Oh my god, it was just a dream.
-
JD: What's the rush?
-
V: I need to get to Heather's house.
-
JD: What?! You told me you were done with Heather.
-
V: Yeah, and it was a sweet fantasy! A world without Heather!
-
A world where... everyone is free. Now it's morning.
-
I have to go kiss her arobacized ass.
-
JD: No. V: Yes.
-
I'm.. not strong, like you are.
-
JD: Let me come with.
-
V: ...Really?
-
JD: [chuckles] Yeah. ...For backup.
-
V: Okay! Um....
-
Uh... by the way... Um...
-
You were my first!
-
V: Heather?
-
HEATHER!
-
H C.: Whaaaat?
-
V: Um...
-
It's Veronica, I'm here to apologize.
-
H C.: Hope you brought kneepads, bitch!
-
Fix me a prairie oyster, and I'll THINK about it.
-
V: Prairie Oyster?
-
Oh! Wait, okay. Uh... Raw eggs, um.. vinegar,
-
JD: Hot sauce, worcestershire, salt and pepper.
-
V: Ha.. you know your hangover cures.
-
JD: My dad trained me well.
-
V: Look look look look, here's my revenge, ok?
-
I'm gonna put a flemglobber in her prairie oyster and she'll never know!
-
Ready? Watch.
-
[cat coughing up a hairball sound]
-
It's coming, it's coming.
-
[hacks and spits]
-
[laughs]
-
JD: I'm more of a 'no rust build-up' man myself.
-
V: Oh, ok! Don't be a dick, that stuff woud kill her.
-
JD: Thus ending her hangover!
-
I say... we go with Big Blue.
-
V: [scoffs] You can't just go....
-
Uh...
-
Except she would never drink something that looks like that.
-
JD: You're right.
-
We'll use a mug! That way, she'll have no idea WHAT she's drinking.
-
V: [clears throat]
-
JD: Chickeeeen! [clucking]
-
V: You know, you're not funny.
-
JD: Okay.
-
Okay, yeah. I'm sorry.
-
H C.: PRAIRIE OYSTER! CHOP CHOP!
-
JD: Veronica, you...
-
V: What?
-
JD: ...Nevermind.
-
V: Okay!
-
Good morning, Heather.
-
H C.: Awww, Veronica.
-
And Jessie James, quelle surprise.
-
Well, let's get to it! Beg!
-
V: Okay, um... I-I think that last night, we both said a lot of things that--
-
H C.: I, actually, would prefer you did this on your knees.
-
In front of your boy toy here!
-
V: Um...
-
V: I'm-I'm really sorry-- H C.: [laughs]
-
Do I look like I'm kidding?
-
DOWN.
-
Nice....
-
But you're still dead to me.
-
[choking]
-
CORN... NUTS!
-
JD: Hoooly shit!
-
V: Wait, wait, wait wait....
-
Oh my GOD.
-
OH MY GOD! DON'T JUST STAND THERE, CALL 911.
-
JD: It's a little late for that.
-
V: Heather! ..Heather!! Heather....
-
Oh my god....
-
Oh my god, I just KILLED my best friend!
-
JD: And your worst enemy! V: Same.. difference!!
-
The police are gonna think that I did this on purpose.
-
Oh my god... they're gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin.
-
JD: Unless...
-
Oh, look! She was reading... The Bell Jar!
-
V: Oh, no. JD: Oh, yes!
-
You can fake her handwriting.
-
Just.. make it sound deep. Like this...
-
I had pain in my path... like Sylvia Plath...
-
JD: My problems were myriad. V: I was having my period.
-
[laughs]
-
[continues laughing]
-
[still laughing]
-
OH MY GOD!
-
JD: This isn't funny, you could go to jail!! Get your head on straight, NOW.
-
V: Okay! Ok, ok, ok, ok... Um, Heather would never use the word "myriad", 'cause
-
she missed it on her vocab quiz last week.
-
JD: So it's a badge for her failures at school! WORK. WITH. ME.
-
V: Okay! Okay. Um... Where do I start?
-
JD: Think... long and hard.
-
What would she say?
-
What's her.. her final statement to a cold, uncaring planet?
-
V: Okay, um... Dear world, uh...
-
Believe it or not, I knew about fear. I knew the way loneliness stung.
-
I hid behind smiles, and crazy hot clothes.
-
V: I learned to kiss boys with my tongue. JD: That's good.
-
V: But ohhh, the world, it held me down. Uh...
-
It.. weighed like a... concrete prom queen crown.
-
H C.: No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings.
-
No one gets her insecurity.
-
I am more than shoulder pads and makeup!
-
No one sees the me inside of me.
-
Jesus... you're making me sound like Air Supply.
-
JD: Keep going. This has to be good enough to fool the cops.
-
Cop 1: Woooah! Is it murder?
-
Cop 2: No, look. Suicide note!
-
H C. (and V): They couldn't see past my rock star mystique,
-
they wouldn't dare look in my eyes!
-
But just underneath was a terrified girl, who clings to her pillow and cries.
-
My looks were just like prison bars.
-
They've left me a myriad of scars!
-
H C.: "Myriad"! Nice.
-
All: No one thinks a pretty girl has substance!
-
That's the curse of popularity. Cops: Popularity!
-
Mr. Chandler: I am more than just a source of handjobs.
-
All: No one sees the me inside of me!
-
Principal: Heather Chandler's not your everyday suicide.
-
Coach: Principal Gowan, you should cancel classes.
-
Pr: No way, Coach!
-
I send the kids home before lunch, and the switchboard'll light up like a xmas tree!
-
We're just gonna have to power through this thing.
-
Ms. F: Our children are dying!! Look,
-
I hate to pull out my counter culture bonafides here, I really do,
-
but what this school needs is a good old-fashioned rap session.
-
Now, I suggest we get everybody into the cafeteria and just TALK and FEEL together.
-
Pr: Thank you, Ms. Fleming. Call me when the shuttle lands.
-
Ms.F: [laughs] Go ahead, laaauugh at the hippie!
-
But I am telling you, we all misjudged Heather Chandler.
-
This is the loveliest suicide note I have ever read.
-
F and HC: Box up my clothing for Goodwill, and give the poor my NordicTrack.
-
Donate my car to cr*ppled kids, or to those ghetto moms on crack.
-
Give them my hats and my CDs, my pumps, my flats, my 3 TVs.
-
All: No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings.
-
But I weep for all I failed to be.
-
Maybe I can help the world by leaving.
-
Maybe that's the me inside of me!
-
Pr: Aw, hell! Long weekend for everybody!
-
[all cheering]
-
Ms.F: Alright, not so fast, kids! Here, take these and pass them around.
-
Now, they're refueling the buses, which gives us... a solid half hour of healing.
-
I've mimeographed copies of suicide note so you all can FEEL Heather's anguish.
-
H M.: I never knew about her pain! Ms.F: Go on...
-
Boy: Her life had hit a rocky patch! Ms.F: FEEL.
-
Girl: Deep down, she wasn't cruel or vain! Ms.F: HEAL!
-
Students: She didn't mean to be a snatch!
-
Ms.F: Veronica. You've been awfully quiet, what's on your mind?
-
V: Uh...
-
Maybe Heather realized that, uh, in order to be happy, she had to give up her power,
-
And that the only way to do that was... death?
-
Ms.F: My god! Look what we've done, we're breaking through.
-
Heather would be so proud of you!
-
Students: And you, and you, and you!
-
No one thinks a pretty girl can touch you!
-
Girl: ...Heather touching me!
-
S: But she's made us better than we were!
-
Heather's dead, but she will live inside me!
-
S: And I'll be the me inside of her! H C.: Holy crap...
-
THIS IS AWESOME!
-
S: Heather cried, our sins fell on her shoulders. H.C: JESUS CHRIST!
-
S: Heather died so we could all be free! H C.: I'M BIGGER THAN JOHN LENNON!
-
S: Heather's gone, but she will live forever!
-
M: She's the dove that sings outside my window!
-
Boy: She's the twin from who I'm separated!
-
Girl: She's the horse I never got for Christmas!
-
S: Heather sees the me inside of me!
-
Heather is... the me inside of me!
-
INSIDE OOOOF
-
ME!
-
H D.: At a time like this, negative people choose to focus on their grief.
-
Well, I hate those people. Because I am a very positive person. I remember
-
the good times, like when Heather and I got our ears pierced at the mall--
-
I can still hear those late night talks on the phone.
-
[speaking Mandarin(?)]
-
-she said, "CORN NUTS!" [still in Mandarin(?)]
-
V: AHH, NO! Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off!
-
Damn, how many networks did she run to?
-
JD: Why son, I didn't hear you come in.
-
Bud Dean: Yeah pop, I wanted to introduce you to my new girlfriend!
-
V: Oh, hi! Hey, uh, I'm Veronica.
-
BD: Drink up, cutie.
-
V: It's a little.. early.
-
JD: Dad, hey champ, you know we don't condone underage drinking in this household.
-
BD: Ohh, so you're a good girl.
-
V: Um... uh...
-
JD: Veronica was just leaving-
-
BD: Come on, relax. Just havin' some fun! Huh? [chuckles] Sit, sit.
-
Work was a real pain in the ass today.
-
Some damn tribe of withered old bitches is trying to stop my poor ol' dad from
-
blowin' up this fleabag hotel.
-
All because Glenn Miller once took a dump there.
-
Just like Kansas. You remember Kansas?
-
JD: Yeah.
-
The "Save The Memorial Oak" Society.
-
My pop showed those tree humpers.
-
Thirty bricks of C4 explosives stuck to the trunk.
-
HE WAS--
-
Both: ARRAIGNED BUT ACQUITTED!
-
JD: Goddamn Kansas. BD: Hell of a time, hell of a time.
-
BD: So pop, can I invite my girlfriend to supper?
-
JD: Uhhh, I don't think that's such a good idea, son!
-
BD: Come on, pop!
-
Don't be a square.
-
V: Oh! I.. um...
-
I appreciate the offer, I-I really do, but I-I can't stay, actually
-
'cause my mom is making my favorite.. meal tonight, it's spaghetti!
-
...with looots of oregano!
-
JD: Nice.
-
Last time I saw MY mom, she was waving at me out the window
-
of a library in... Texas.
-
Right, dad?
-
BD: Right, son.
-
V: Okay! Well, see you tomorrow!
-
Dear diary, JD's dad will NOT be speaking at our wedding.
-
V: Hello?
-
H M.: Veronica? I need help, I'm at the cemetery.
-
V: What's wrong?
-
H M.: Just hurry up, please?
-
It's an emergency.
-
V: Okay!
-
[V taps on car window] [H M. rolls window down]
-
V: Hey! Hi, uh... is Kurt okay?
-
H M.: Oh, he passed out.
-
Me and Kurt and Ram and Heather Duke came out to pour a jub of Thunderbird
-
on Heather's grave, you know, from her homies?
-
But Kurt and Ram drank it all.
-
Kurt: Nooo!
-
H M.: Then Heather and Ram went off together and...
-
Kurt started grabbin' me and wouldn't stop.
-
V: Wait, af- after everything.. that happened at Ram's party,
-
why did you call ME?
-
H M.: Oh, well that was the deal.
-
If I got you to come, Kurt promised to leave me alone!
-
V: So...
-
So YOU avoided date r*pe...
-
by volunteering ME...
-
FOR date r*pe.
-
H M.: God, you make it sound ugly.
-
V: I'm leaving now.
-
K: Heyyyyy, Veronicaaaa!
-
I waited 10 whole beers for you!
-
H D.: GODDAMNIT, Ram! I SAID I'm DONE!
-
R: Come on, Heather, don't walk away!
-
H D.: Sober up, idiot.
-
Heather, unlock the door!
-
[car door opens and closes]
-
R: You can't leave me like this! [slams face on car window]
-
R: You're causing physical pain in my area!
-
It's science, I need relief!
-
K: [grunts and points at Veronica]
-
R: Heyyy, 'Rrrronicaaaa.
-
V: Eugh.. you've got a left hand, use it.
-
K: Don't talk mean like that!
-
R: You'll hurt their feelings....
-
V: Wait... whose feelings?! What are you talking about?
-
R: You make my balls so blue.
-
K: You hurt them badly
-
R: You make my balls so blue.
-
K: They're hanging sadly.
-
R: What did they do to you?
-
That you hate them so.
-
K: Don't run from me.
-
They're all beat up
-
Both: Like a tackling dummy!
-
K: They long for your embrace.
-
R: They're warm like mittens.
-
K: They'll curl up on your face.
-
R: And purr like kittens.
-
K: You make my balls so blue.
-
Both: Just look at them glow!
-
R: They're begging you!
-
Both: Don't make my balls so blue!
-
[V knocking on the car door]
-
V: Heather!
-
Heather! Open the door!
-
H M. & D: Oh no! Oh no, no, no!
-
V: What... open the door!
-
H M. & D: Oh no! Oh no, no, no!
-
K: You make my balls so blue
-
So please say hello!
-
R: Hold 'em!
-
K: And fold 'em!
-
Both: And never let go!
-
K: Once you were geeky and nerdy.
-
R: But they knew you're dirty!
-
K: You're set them on fire!
-
Both: What ever you require they'll do!
-
So take them home
-
to meet your parents!
-
R: They'll wear a suit and tie.
-
And a fancy collar!
-
R: They'll sing a lullaby.
-
Both: La la la la la.
-
Please make these balls not blue!
-
R: Just for a while
-
K: Can't wait til later.
-
Both: My pants are rubbin' like a
-
hot cheese grater!
-
V: Hey give me that one!
-
LOOK! Booze! Drink!
-
K: Aw! Thank you so much! V: You are so welcome.
-
R: They will protect you,
-
K: Defend you,
-
R: Respect you,
-
K: Befriend you-
-
R: Like WInnie-the-Pooh!
-
K: Baby, baby, baby!
-
They're so blue!
-
R: My balls will work for you!
-
They will obey ya!
-
R: They really need rescue,
-
Like Princess Leia!
-
Both: Baby you've gots to come through!
-
K: Teach them to smile!
-
You've got no clue
-
How much these two
-
Depend on you!
-
Please help them through!
-
K, R, & Heathers: My balls are in your court!
-
K &R: Yeah! H. M & D: You make them balls so blue!
-
K &R: You make my balls so blue!
-
H. M & D: You make my balls so blue! K: Oooh! Ow!
-
You make them balls so blue! H. M &D: You shake them K &R: Oh god!
-
You quake them. K &R: My balls!
-
You break-
-
K, R, & Heathers: You make my balls so blue!
-
H. M & D: You take them R: Lookit!
-
You bake them! K: Lookit!
-
H. M & D: Chrissake
-
You make my balls so blue!
-
Please make their dreams come true!
-
And make these balls not blue!
-
V: Dear diary,
-
Close call last night, uh...
-
The only person at the Westerburg who
-
could actually control Kurt and Ram
-
was Heather Chandler.
-
And she is dead.
-
H C.: Shoulda thought of that before you killed me!
-
[hacking and choking] God!
-
I'm gonna be coughing up drain cleaner for eternity!
-
[hacking]
-
V: Uh..
-
I didn't technically kill Heather,
-
and I know that, but I still... feel bad.
-
But...
-
not as bad as I should...?
-
And that... makes me feel even worse.
-
Oh hey, guys!
-
Still really looking forward to that apology from both of you
-
for being two ice cold bitches last night!
-
H D.: Um, cleaning out Heather's locker? Little respect?!
-
H C.: [scoffs] Heather Duke was such a sad little poser.
-
Veronica, tell her to stop touching my STUFF!
-
Veronica!
-
H C.: VERONICA! V: SHUT UP, HEATHER!
-
H D.: YOU shut up! I don't have to shut up ANYMORE!
-
H M.: Hey, that's Heather's scrunchie!
-
H D.: Shut up, Heather! H M.: Sorry, Heather....
-
H D.: Heather Chandler is gone. It's up to me to replace her!
-
V: Replace Heather Chandler?
-
H D.: Please!
-
You need to worry less about me,
-
and more about your reputation.
-
Kurt and Ram have been telling the whole school
-
about your little three-way last night.
-
JD: Three-way?
-
V: Oh!...
-
No- there was no three-way,
-
nothing happened.
-
H D.: I remember differently.
-
I seem to remember there was a--
-
Kurt & Ram: Big sword fight in her mouth.
-
Preppy stud: And she allowed it!?
-
K, R & Prep: Big sword fight in her mouth.
-
H. C & D: It sure sounds crowded.
-
K: And then we both went south.
-
R: And planted our flags!
-
K: My big salami.
-
K & R: Ba-bent her over like origami.
-
Whoa ooh!
-
Whoa ooh!
-
Whoa ooh!
-
Whoa ooh!
-
Everybody was sword fighting
-
in her mouth!
-
Yes we're convinced it,
-
went down right in her mouth!
-
H. C: I hope she rinsed it!
-
Ram: She blew and blew and blew
-
Like they were balloons!
-
K: She lapped us up
-
R: Like a hardy stew
-
K & R: She bit on more than
-
she could chew!
-
H. D: She'll do the same for you!
-
She blew not one guy but two
-
She blew and blew and blew.
-
She's like a freak in a zoo.
-
H. D: Veronica blew two She blew and blew and blew
-
And every word is true.
-
Veronica blew two!
-
H. C: Yeaaah!
-
Students: Freak! Slut! Ps*cho!
-
Slut! Punkass! Slut!
-
Freak! Slut! Ps*cho! Slut! Punkass-...!
-
K and H D.: Whoooore.
-
[Kurt laughing]
-
V: Oh my god....
-
Are you ok?
-
V: Can you look at me? Are you ok?
-
JD: Yeah, yeah I'm fine...
-
How about you?
-
V: Oh yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm um...
-
I'm awesome, I...
-
I'm s- I'm sorry about the waterworks. I just-...
-
JD: They made you cry,
-
but that will end tonight.
-
You are the only thing that's right
-
about this broken world.
-
Go on and cry.
-
But when the morning comes,
-
We'll burn it down and then,
-
we'll build the world again.
-
Our love is God.
-
V: Are you ok?-
-
JD: I was alone.
-
I was a frozen lake.
-
But then you melted me awake,
-
see, now I'm crying too.
-
JD: You're not alone.
-
V: You're not alone.
-
JD: And when the morning comes,
-
V: When the morning comes, JD: We'll burn away that tear,
-
JD: and raise our city here.
-
V: Raise our city here.
-
Both: Our love is God.
-
K: YEAH-LO?
-
V: Hiii~, Kurt!
-
K: It's Veronica...
-
V: Um..
-
Hey, how did you know it was always
-
a fantasy of mine to have 2 guys at once?
-
K: Uhhhhhh...
-
Uhh..
-
Lucky guess.
-
V: Well, if you want it to come true,
-
then meet me at the cemetery at dawn.
-
K: Free pussy.
-
R: And we don't even have to buy it a pizza.
-
K: WHAAT! Both: [laughing]
-
JD: We can start and finish wars.
-
Both: We're what killed the dinosaurs.
-
We're the asteroid that's overdue!
-
The dinosaurs choked on the dust.
-
They died because God said they must.
-
The new world needed room for me and you.
-
JD: I worship you.
-
I'd trade my life for yours.
-
We'll make them disappear.
-
JD: We'll plant our garden here. V: Plant our garden here.
-
JD: Our love is God.
-
V: Our love is God.
-
JD: Our love is God.
-
V: Our love is God.
-
JD: Our love is God.
-
V: Woah, uh...
-
V: Is that real?
-
JD: Yeah.
-
But we're filling it with Ich Lüge bullets.
-
V: Ich Lüge.. what?
-
JD: My grandad scored them in World War 2.
-
They contain this powerful tranquilizer.
-
The Nazis used them to fake their own
-
suicides when the Russians invaded Berlin.
-
We, will use them to knock out Kurt and Ram
-
just long enough to make it
-
look like a suicide pact,
-
complete with a forged suicide note.
-
K&R: Ram and I died because we had
-
to hide our gay forbidden love
-
from a misapproving world.
-
JD: And when the morning comes,
-
they'll both be laughing stocks.
-
Both: SO LET'S GO HUNT SOME JOCKS!
-
K: Hey, hi! Hi!
-
Hi.
-
.. VeronicA.
-
R: So do we just like, whip it out, or what?
-
V: Ah!
-
Take it slow, Ram.
-
Strip for me~.
-
R: Okay...
-
K: Okaaaay~.
-
V: Oh, wow-
-
Ohhhh, woooow!
-
K: You like that?
-
V: I loooove thaaaat....
-
K: What about you?
-
V: Oh! [cough]
-
Uh.. I was hoping...
-
you could rip my clothes off me, sport.
-
K&R: Yeah, we can do that.
-
K: This is the best!!
-
V: This IS the best.
-
V: Okay, count of three!
-
K: Yeah!!
-
All 3: One...
-
Two...
-
JD: Three!
-
[Double gunshot]
-
K: HOLY CRAP!
-
JD: Stay here, I'll get him. K: YOU KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!
-
JD: Kuuurt... KURT! K: WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME?!
-
V: ...Ram? Ram, you're just unconscious, right? K: I'M JUST KIDDING ABOUT THE BO DIDDLEY THING!
-
V: Ram?!
-
JD: GET OFF THE DAMN FENCE! K: I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
-
JD: We can start and finish wars...
-
We're what killed the dinosaurs.
-
JD: We're the asteroid that's overdue.
-
K: STOP BEING A DICK.
-
JD: The dinosaurs choked on the dust,
-
K: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? JD: They'll die because we say they must!
-
V: What the FUCK have you done?!
-
JD: I worship you...
-
I'd trade my life for yours.
-
We'll make them disappear.
-
We'll plant our garden here....
-
Our love is God.
-
Our love is God.
-
Our love is God.
-
Our love is God.
-
JD: Our love is God.
-
V: OUR LOVE IS GOD.
-
JD: Our love is God!
-
V: OUR LOVE IS GOD.
-
OUR LOVE IS GOD!
-
V: Dear Diary,
-
I'm goin' steady.
-
Mostly he's awesome,
-
if a bit too rock and roll.
-
Lately he's bumped off 3 of my classmates,
-
God have mercy on my soul!
-
They were just seventeen....
-
They still had room to grow...
-
They could have turned out good,
-
and now we'll never know.
-
JD: There's been a lack of girls climbing
-
through my bedroom window lately.
-
V: Take a hint.
-
JD: Okay. You're mad, I get it.
-
V: No, I don't think you do.
-
V: "Ich Lüge" bullets? You lied to me.
-
JD: You were lying to yourself.
-
JD: You wanted them dead too.
-
V: Did not. JD: Did too.
-
V: Did not. JD: Did too.
-
V: Did NOT!
-
JD: Hey!
-
Did they make you cry?
-
V: Yes...?
-
JD: Can they make you cry now?
-
V: No, but you can.
-
JD: Just wait 'til you see the good that comes of this.
-
V: No good could possibly come of this.
-
JD: Call me an optimist!
-
V: Dear diary, My teen angst bullshit has a body count.
-
Mr. Kelly: I don't really know what I'm supposed to say up here.
-
I'm ashamed, certainly.
-
Our family has turned our town into a laughingstock.
-
My boy Kurt isn't who I thought he was,
-
and when I think of the SICK, DISGUSTING things
-
that Kurt and Ram were doing-
-
Mr. Sweeney: YOU WAIT JUST A MINUTE, PAUL.
-
It is ignorant, hateful talk like yours that makes this world
-
a place our boys could not live in!
-
They were not dirty!
-
They were not wrong!
-
They were two lonely verses
-
in the Lord's great song.
-
Mr.K: Our boys were pansies, Bill.
-
Mr.S: YES!
-
My boy's a homosexual,
-
and that don't scare me none.
-
I want the world to know...
-
I love my dead gay son!
-
I've been thinkin'...
-
prayin'...
-
readin' some magazines,
-
and it's time we opened our eyes!
-
Well, the good Lord made the universe, the Lord created man.
-
And I believe it's all a part of his gigantic plan.
-
I know God has a reason for each mountain and each flower,
-
and why He chose to let our boys get busy in the shower.
-
Crowd: NOO-OOOH!
-
Mr.S: They were not dirty.
-
C: WO-OAH!
-
Mr.S: They were not fruits!
-
Crowd: NO-OH!
-
Mr.S: They were just two stray laces in the Lord's big boots!
-
Well I never cared for homos much, until I reared me one.
-
But now I've learned to love...
-
Mr.S: I LOVE MY DEAD GAY SON! C: HE LOVES HIS SON, HE LOVES HIS SON! HIS DEAD GAY SON!
-
Mr.S: Now I say my boy's in heaven, and he's tannin' by the pool.
-
The cherubim walk him and him, and Jesus says "It's cool!"
-
They don't have crime or hatred, there's no bigotry or cursin'.
-
Just friendly fellows dressed up like their favorite Village person!
-
Mr.S: They were not dirty! C: NO, NO!
-
Mr.S: They just had flair! C: WO-OAH.
-
Mr.S: They were two bright red ribbons in the Lord's long hair!
-
Well I used to see a homo and go reachin' for my gun.
-
But now I've learned to love....
-
AND FURTHER MORE!
-
These boys were brave as hell.
-
These boys, they knew damn well
-
those folks would judge 'em.
-
They were desperate to be free!
-
They took a rebel stance,
-
stripped to their underpants.
-
Paul, I can't believe that you
-
still refuse to get a clue,
-
after all that we've been through.
-
Mr.S: I'M TALKIN' YOU AND ME. C: [gasps]
-
Mr.S: IN THE SUMMER OF '83. C: [GASPS]
-
Mr.K: ...That was one hell of a fishin' trip.
-
C: WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH, WOAH WOAH, WOAH!
-
THEY WERE NOT DIRTY. NO! AND NOT PERVERSE. NO, NO.
-
THEY WERE JUST TWO STRAY RHINESTONES ON THE LORD'S BIG PURSE!
-
Both: OUR JOB IS NOW CONTINUING THE WORK THAT THEY BEGUN.
-
C: 'CAUSE NOW WE LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. WE LOVE YOUR DEAD--
-
Both: They're up there disco dancing to the thump of angel wings.
-
They grab a mate and roller skate, while Judy Garland sings.
-
They live a playful afterlife that's fancy-free and reckless!
-
Mr.K: They swing up on the pearly gates,
-
All: AND WEAR A PEARLY NECKLACE!
-
Both: THEY WERE NOT DIRTY! C: NO!
-
Both: THEY WERE GOOD MEN! C: WOAH, WOAH.
-
All: AND NOW THEY'RE HAPPY BEAR CUBS IN THE LORD'S BIG DEN!
-
Mr.S: Go forth and love each other now,
-
Both: like our boys would have done.
-
Both: We'll teach the world to love.... C: THE WORLD TO LOVE...
-
All: THE WORLD TO LOVE!
-
Both: I love my dead gay son! C: NOT HALF BAD, YOUR DEAD GAY SON.
-
Both: My son, MY SON! C: WISH I HAD A DEAD GAY SON.
-
All: DEAD
-
GAY
-
SON!
-
JD: [sniffs]
-
What is that?
-
That smell in the air, is that...
-
tolerance?
-
Inclusion.
-
Love.
-
How often can you say it's a good day to live in Sherwood, Ohio?
-
JD: You're welcome, town! V: Hey.
-
You don't have to be so smug about it.
-
JD: No...
-
Your love...
-
keeps me humble.
-
So who's next?
-
Heather Duke?
-
She's the one that started that three-way rumor.
-
I've been underlining meaningful passages in her copy
-
of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.
-
V: NO!
-
No, I do NOT accept this.
-
We've already killed three people.
-
V: This ENDS right here, right now. JD: Or what?
-
V: I'll...
-
I'll break up with you.
-
JD: Any war has casualties.
-
Doesn't mean it's not worth fighting.
-
What, what..
-
you-you'd rather go to JAIL?
-
Hm?
-
And then give a free pass to the thugs who hurt people?
-
Evil FUCKS
-
that make life SO UNBEARABLE,
-
that you can't stand to live in the world anymore?
-
V: JD...!
-
...How did your mother die?
-
JD: [scoffs]
-
JD: You really wanna know? V: Yeah..
-
JD: My dad
-
said it was an accident.
-
But she knew what she was doing.
-
She walked into that building
-
2 minutes
-
before dad blew it up.
-
She waved at me out the window,
-
and then...
-
KABOOM...
-
She left me.
-
V: I'm really sorry, I...
-
JD: It's okay.
-
The pain gives me clarity.
-
You and I are special, we have a lot of work to do.
-
V: Wh-what work?
-
JD: Making the world a decent place for people who are decent!
-
V: When does it end?! JD: WHEN EVERY ASSHOLE IS DEAD.
-
V: Fine, we're damaged.
-
Really damaged, but that does not make us wise.
-
We're not special...
-
We're not different.
-
We don't CHOOSE who lives or dies.
-
Let's be normal.
-
See bad movies...
-
sneak a beer, and watch TV.
-
We'll bake brownies,
-
or go bowling...
-
Don't you want a life with me?
-
Can't we be seventeen?
-
That's all I want to do.
-
If you could let me in,
-
I could be good with you.
-
V: People hurt us.
-
JD: Or they vanish.
-
V: And you're right,
-
it really blows.
-
V: But we let go,
-
JD: take a deep breath,
-
V: and go buy some summer clothes!
-
V: We'll go camping.
-
JD: Play some poker.
-
V: And we'll eat some chili fries.
-
V: Maybe prom night!
-
JD: Maybe dancing!
-
V: Don't stop looking in MY EYES!
-
JD: YOUR EYES!
-
Both: CAN'T WE BE SEVENTEEN?
-
IS THAT SO HARD TO DO?
-
IF YOU COULD LET ME IN,
-
I COULD BE GOOD WITH YOU!
-
LET US BE SEVENTEEN,
-
IF WE'VE STILL GOT THE RIGHT!
-
V: SO WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?
-
I WANNA BE WITH YOU.
-
JD: I WANNA BE WITH YOU V: WANNA BE WITH YOU
-
Both: TONIGHT!
-
V: Yeah, we're damaged.
-
JD: Badly damaged.
-
Both: But your love's too good to lose!
-
V: Hold me tighter.
-
JD: Even closer.
-
V: I'll stay if I'm what you choose!
-
JD: Can't we be seventeen?
-
V: If I am what you choose.
-
JD: If we've still got the right.
-
V: 'Cause you're the one I choose!
-
JD: You're the one I choose.
-
Both: You're the one I choose!
-
H C.: And they lived happily ever after!
-
You really believe that?
-
You think it all goes back to normal?
-
[scoffs]
-
Don't give me that wounded look.
-
You know exactly what he is,
-
and you LOVE it.
-
V: Just stop talking.
-
H C.: Only a true dead best friend would give it to you straight!
-
M: Veronica, I need your help!
-
V: Sure! What?
-
M: Something doesn't add up.
-
I think Ram and Kurt were murdered.
-
H C.: Well FUCK ME gently with a chainsaw!
-
Nancy Drew is onto you, Veronica!
-
V: Why would you say that?
-
They found a suicide note.
-
M: Well, it could've been faked!
-
You forge stuff all the time, right?
-
V: Right...
-
H C.: I am in love
-
with this fat girl!
-
V: That's ridiculous,
-
who'd wanna kill Ram and Kurt?
-
M: I'm thinking it was your friend JD.
-
You saw the way he went after them in the lunch room.
-
K: Yeah, man. That sucked!
-
M: There's something off about that JD.
-
R: Looks like Veronica's going to lady prison.
-
Girl on girl!
-
K: PUNCH IT IN! K&R: [moaning]
-
M: I wanna look in JD's locker.
-
I thought maybe you could get me the combination!
-
H C.: I bet there's all kinds of interesting things in that locker!
-
[gasp] Maybe some "Ich Lüge" bullets?
-
V: This is a pretty wild theory, Martha.
-
M: I don't care what they were saying at the funeral.
-
Ram was not gay!
-
M: I'd stake my life on it!
-
K: HAHA!
-
Ram's a fatty magnet!
-
R: Yeah? At least I don't have skid marks.
-
K: Bullshit.
-
R: SKID MARKS! SKID MARKS! YOU HAVE SKID MARKS! K: FATTY MAGNET! FATTY MAGNET!
-
V: STOP IT, STOP IT! STOP IT.
-
M: Stop what?!
-
Veronica, what's wrong with you!?
-
V: Sorry.. I'm really sorry, I'm just.. I'm trying to understand, okay?
-
But Ram was gay, why would you think anything else?
-
M: He kissed me. Remember?
-
On the kickball field? V: Yeah, in kindergarten.
-
M: My heart knows the truth. H C.: Time to choose, Veronica.
-
Eat or be eaten.
-
M: Why would Ram write me that note if he didn't still feel something?
-
H C.: You know what to say!
-
M: Why would he invite me to his homecoming party?
-
I'm gonna confront JD.
-
V: No, please don't! H C.: DO YOU HAVE THE GUTS?
-
V: [laughs]
-
Oh, you floor me, Martha, you really do.
-
M: W-what do you mean?
-
V: Ram didn't write that love note, I did.
-
M: [laughs]
-
No...?
-
V: Yeah.
-
The Heathers put me up to it. The whole
-
school was in on the joke and no one
-
laughed harder than Ram.
-
He didn't love you.
-
He was a DICK.
-
And now he's dead.
-
Move on.
-
...Shit.
-
No. Look, I had to hurt her, okay?
-
If JD caught her going through his stuff,
-
V: he would-- H C.: KILL HER?
-
[gasps] Is that what you're afraid of?
-
I thought the desperado hung up his six guns.
-
Don't you trust him?
-
Ms.F: VERONICA! There you are!
-
I need you girls in place for the assembly.
-
V: Ohh right, this thing! Christ.
-
Ms.F: Alright, it's pedal to the metal!
-
Come on now! Show some muscle.
-
H M.: I'm kinda looking forward to this!
-
H D.: Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
-
H M.: Sorry, Heather....
-
Ms.F: Helloooo, Westerburg!
-
Let's try that one more time! HELLOOOO, WESTERBURG!
-
There's the spirit! Oh, you all look so lovely.
-
Welcome to this very special assembly.
-
Now, I want you to ignore the television
-
cameras and the news crews.
-
They're just here to document this significant moment.
-
Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions
-
a teenager can make.
-
Yes, yes.
-
So! You know what I'm going to do right now?
-
Boy: Kill yourself on stage?
-
Ms.F: That's not productive, Dwight.
-
Now, my senior thesis at Berkeley was on the subject of--
-
Thank you.
-
--was on the subject of Pediatric Psychotherapeutic Musicology.
-
It was terrifically well-regarded,
-
so I speak with some authority when I tell you that
-
the way to eliminate suicide
-
is by first eliminating fear.
-
By creating a safe zone in which we all are equal!
-
Deep inside of everyone, there's a hot ball of shame.
-
Guilt, regret, anxiety, fears we dare not name!
-
But if we show the ugly parts that we hide away,
-
they turn out to be beautiful by the light of day!
-
Why not shine, shine, shine a light
-
on your deepest fears!
-
Let in sunlight now,
-
and your pain will disappear!
-
Shine, shine, shine, and your scars and your flaws
-
will look lovely because you shine
-
You shine a light!
-
Girl: Everyday's a battlefield, when pride's on the line.
-
Boy: I attack your weaknesses, and pray you don't see mine!
-
Boy: But if I share my ugly parts,
-
Girl: and you show me yours,
-
Boy: Our love can knock our walls down,
-
and unlock all our doors!
-
Come on, shine, shine, shine a light on your deepest fears!
-
Let in sunlight now, and your pain will disappear!
-
Who wants to share what's in their heart?
-
No volunteers? Fine, I'll start.
-
My name's Pauleen. I live alone.
-
My husband left, my kids are grown.
-
In the 60's, love was free!
-
That did not work out well for me.
-
The revolution came and went.
-
Tried to change the world, barely made a dent.
-
I have struggled with despair!
-
I've joined a cult, chopped off my hair,
-
I chant, I pray, but God's not there,
-
so Steve, I'm ending our affair!
-
Audience member: ...I'm sorry?
-
Ms.F: Might be a bad time to mention that I faked it every time.
-
Awwww!
-
Now we're letting each other go!
-
That feels fan-freakin'-tastic!
-
Ms.F: One, two, take me home, kids! S: SHINE, SHINE, SHINE A LIGHT!
-
Ms.F: ON YOUR DEEPEST FEARS, AND YOUR PAIN WILL DISAPPEAR.
-
S: SHINE, SHINE, SHINE, Ms.F: AND YOUR SCARS AND YOUR FLAWS
-
All: WILL LOOK LOVELY BECAUSE YOU SHINE
-
S: YOU SHINE
-
Ms.F: SHINE A LIGHT!
-
All: SHINE, SHINE, SHINE A LIGHT!
-
All: SHINE, SHINE, SHINE, A LIGHT! Ms.F: Yeah!
-
All: SHINE, SHINE, SHINE A LIGHT!
-
SHINE A LIGHT!
-
Okay, kids! Come on, now!
-
I want you to work with me, I want you to share your pain.
-
I want you to drag it out into the light where we all can take a look at it.
-
H M.: I've thought about killing myself!
-
H D.: What the hell are you doing-?!
-
Ms.F: No-no-no-no-no....
-
Keep talking, Heather, you're in a safe place.
-
It's just you and me and the classmates who love you.
-
Share! It's gonna be ok.
-
H D.: Heather, get back in line!
-
Ms.F: Zip it!
-
H M.: The last guy I slept with killed himself
-
because he was gay for his linebacker.
-
And...
-
my best friend seemed to have it all together, but now she's gone too.
-
And now my stomach hurts worse and worse...
-
And every morning on the bus, I feel my heart beating louder and faster,
-
and I'm like "Jesus, I'm on the frickin' bus again
-
'cause all my rides to school are dead."
-
I float in a boat...
-
in a raging black ocean.
-
Low in the water, and nowhere to go.
-
The tiniest life boat...
-
with people I know.
-
Cold, clammy, and crowded,
-
the people smell desperate.
-
We'll sink any minute, so someone must go....
-
The tiniest lifeboat...
-
with people I know.
-
EVERYONE'S PUSHING! EVERYONE'S FIGHTING!
-
STORMS ARE APPROACHING, THERE'S NOWHERE TO HIDE!
-
IF I SAY THE WRONG THING, OR I WEAR THE WRONG OUTFIT,
-
THEY'LL THROW ME RIGHT OVER THE SIDE!
-
I'm.. hugging my knees, and the captain is pointing.
-
Well, who made HER captain?!
-
Still, the weakest must go....
-
The tiniest lifeboat...
-
full of people I know.
-
The tiniest lifeboat...
-
full of people I know....
-
H D.: What's your damage, Heather?! Are you saying Westerburg
-
H D.: is not a nice place? Ms.F: Heather!
-
H D.: Where's your school spirit?! You don't deserve to wear our school colors.
-
Why don't you hop in your little lifeboat, and catch a gnarly wave over to Bennington!
-
Ms.F: Alright! Let's calm it down! Girl: Aww, look!
-
Girl: Ohh, Heather's gonna cryyy~.
-
S: [cooing mockingly]
-
Ms.F: YOUNG LADY, YOU ARE SUSPENDED.
-
Turn the cameras off. Turn 'em off, goddamnit!
-
V: Is that all you care about? TV cameras?
-
Ms.F: I care about saving lives!
-
Heather Duke ruined a valuable teach--
-
V: VALUABLE?! None of us want this spectacle.
-
To be experimented on like guinea pigs, and patronized like bunny rabbits!
-
Ms.F: I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
-
H C.: This is their big secret, Veronica!
-
The adults are powerless.
-
V: Heather trusted you.
-
You said that you would protect her.
-
H C.: They can't help us. Nobody can help us.
-
V: You're useless. H C.: We're alone in the ocean!
-
V: And all of you are idiots! JD: You should sit down now.
-
V: NO! Heather was a monster, just like Kurt and Ram,
-
and they didn't kill themselves, I KILLED THEM.
-
What do you all think of that...?
-
S: [scoff and laugh]
-
H D.: Some people will say anything if they think it'll make them popular!
-
JD: VERONICA!
-
H M.: Stupid child-proof caps!
-
H D.: Aww, look! Heather's going to All: WHINE, WHINE, WHINE ALL NIGHT.
-
H D.: You don't deserve to live.
-
All: WHY NOT KILL YOURSELF? H D.: Here, have a sedative.
-
All: WHINE, WHINE, WHINE H D.: like there's no Santa Claus.
-
All: YOU'RE PATHETIC BECAUSE YOU WHINE,
-
H D.: You whine all night!
-
S: WHIIIIINE. H D.: Your ass is off the team.
-
S: WHIIIIINE. H D.: Go on and bitch and moan.
-
S: WHIIIIINE. H D.: You don't deserve the dream.
-
S: WHIIIIINE. H D.: You're gonna die alone.
-
All: DIE ALONE! DIE ALONE! DIE ALONE! DIE ALONE!
-
V: NO!
-
No, no, no. Stop, stop!
-
H M.: Suicide is a private thing!
-
V: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic in USA Today?
-
That's like the least private thing that I can think of!
-
H M.: But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt?
-
V: If everyone jumped off a bridge, young lady, would you?
-
H M.: ...Probably.
-
V: If you were happy every single day of your life then you wouldn't be human.
-
You'd be a game show host.
-
H M.: Thanks for coming after me.
-
V: Oh, you're welcome!
-
[JD clapping]
-
JD: You are a genius!
-
You had me worried with your little.. confession there, but you pulled it off.
-
Best place to hide, right in plain sight.
-
V: No, I wasn't trying to hide.
-
JD: Why'd you have to meddle with MacNamara?
-
One more dead Heather's a good thing!
-
V: No, she's my friend!
-
JD: Okay, if she's your friend, then why are we letting DUKE live?
-
The bitch that made MacNamara wanna KILL herself.
-
JD: You see, nothing ever CHANGES unless you-- V: Hey, we're out of the
-
V: change business, ok?! JD: Oh, so we're gonna just let Duke run
-
JD: around spreading the same old lies V: No! No, [arguing]
-
JD: to ALL THOSE PEOPLE because all that does-- V: Listen, listen, listen, listen....
-
V: Just...
-
don't talk over me, okay?
-
You promised me.
-
JD: I promised.
-
V: Thank you....
-
Mr.D: Gee, Pop, ever heard of knockin'? I was playin' grab-ass with my girlfriend.
-
JD: Well, you know the rules, young man.
-
When company's over, the bedroom door stays open.
-
Mr.D: So the judge, God bless 'em, told those [something] groupees
-
to suck(?) shit and die! Ha, you should've seen the fireworks.
-
I got it all right here on video.
-
I packed the upper floor with thermals, set off the whole thing with
-
a Norwegian(?) in the boiler room.
-
KABOOM.
-
Right back(?).
-
I'm gonna want my drawstring pants for this!
-
[shoots gun]
-
Mr.D: GODDAMNIT! NO FIREARMS IN THE HOUSE.
-
JD: [laughing] V: Why are you carrying a gun?!
-
JD: It pissed off my dad, it was funny!
-
V: No, it's not funny! None of this is funny. You're carrying a loaded weapon!
-
V: You promised me.
-
JD: Hey, it's a dangerous world.
-
V: Yeah, because of you.
-
You know what, don't call me.
-
V: Don't talk to me. JD: Veronica...!
-
V: No, you don't understand the difference between right and wrong!
-
JD: Come ON, come back!
-
V: No, we're over! JD: But I love you!
-
V: Goodbye, JD.
-
Students: WO-O-O-O-OAH!
-
H M.: Tomorrow night's the pep rally!
-
S: WO-O-O-O-OAH!
-
H M.: Let's get psyched!
-
All: HEY-O, WESTERBURG! TELL ME, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
-
HERE COMES WESTERBURG, COMIN' TA PUT YOU IN THE GROUND.
-
GO GO, WESTERBURG! GIVE A GREAT BIG YELL.
-
WESTERBURG WILL KNOCK YOU OUT, AND SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!
-
JD: "I now know thee,
-
thou clear spirit."
-
H D.: That's from Moby Dick.
-
JD: I appreciate a well-read woman.
-
H D.: [scoffs] What's in the envelope?
-
Oh crap!
-
JD: Just a tangible reminder that at one point at around age 6, I'm guessing?
-
You and Martha Dunstock were FRIENDS!
-
H D.: Where'd you get these pictures?! Did Veronica give them to you?
-
[scoffs] What do you want, money?
-
JD: A favor.
-
H D.: No way. [scoffs]
-
JD: Oh, I really love this one of you and Martha in the bath tub together?
-
H D.: These photos are ancient history. Nobody cares about the past!
-
Nobody cares about Martha Dumptruck.
-
M: There was a boy I met in kindergarten.
-
He was sweet, he said that I was smart.
-
He was good at sports, and people liked him.
-
And at naptime once, we shared a mat.
-
I didn't sleep,
-
I sat and watched him breathing.
-
Watched him dream for nearly half an hour.
-
Oooooh...
-
Then he woke up.
-
He pulled a scab off one time playing kickball.
-
Kissed me quick,
-
then pressed it in my hand.
-
I took that scab and put it in a locket.
-
All year long, I wore it near my heart.
-
He didn't care if I was thin or pretty.
-
And he was mine until we hit first grade.
-
Oooooh...
-
Then he woke up.
-
Last night I dreamed a horse with wings
-
flew down into my homeroom.
-
On its back, there he sat,
-
and he held out his arms.
-
So we sailed above the gym,
-
across the faculty parking lot.
-
My kindergarten boyfriend and I...
-
and a horse with wings!
-
Now we're all grown up and we know better.
-
Now we recognize the way things are.
-
Certain boys are just for kindergarten.
-
Certain girls are meant to be alone.
-
But I believe that any dream worth having,
-
is a dream that should not have to end.
-
So I'll build a dream that I can live in,
-
and this time I'm never waking up!
-
And we'll soar above the trees,
-
over cars and croquet lawns,
-
past the church, and the lake,
-
and the tri-county mall.
-
We will fly through the dawn
-
to a new kindergarten!
-
Where naptime is centuries long.
-
Oooooh, oooooh.
-
Oooo-oooo-oo-ooh...
-
H D.: Hey guys!
-
Missed you after 8th period!
-
V: We were avoiding you.
-
H M.: What you did to me sucked!
-
H D.: Oh, very very. Here, I need you both to sign this.
-
V: What is that?
-
H D.: It's a petition to have the governor to declare a day of remembrance
-
to honor the victims of suicide.
-
I've gotten everybody to sign it, even the dweebs and losers.
-
V: I'm not signing that.
-
H D.: Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
-
It was your boyfriend's idea.
-
V: Wait, JD?
-
H D.: He made up the signature sheet and everything.
-
V: Hold on....
-
Look, I...
-
I don't know what JD is up to, but if you know what's good for you,
-
please, just... throw that away.
-
H D.: [scoffs] Not a chance.
-
I'll just fake your signature like I did with Martha Dumptruck.
-
She's in no shape to sign anything today.
-
V: Why not?
-
H D.: It was on the radio!
-
She took a bellyflop off the Old Mill Bridge last night,
-
holding a suicide note.
-
V: Oh my god....
-
V: Wait, is she ok-- H D.: Just some broken bones!
-
Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people, and failing miserably.
-
Ghosts: Yo, girl. Keep it together.
-
I knew you would come far.
-
Now you're truly a Heather.
-
Smell how gangsta you are.
-
V: Martha, I'm so sorry....
-
G: Yo, girl. Feel a bit punchy?
-
She's not looking so well.
-
Still, you've earned that red scrunchie.
-
Come join Heather in hell.
-
Mr.S: Where have you been? Mrs.S: We've been worried sick!
-
And your friend JD stopped by, he told us everything.
-
V: Everything?
-
Mr.S: Your depression, your thoughts of suicide...
-
Mrs.S: He even showed us your copy of Moby Dick.
-
H C.: He's got your handwriting down cold!
-
Mrs.S: Please, honey, talk to us.
-
V: No, you wouldn't understand. Mrs.S: Try me!
-
Look, I've experienced everything you're going through right now.
-
I know it all seems impossibly dramatic.
-
G: GUESS WHO'S RIGHT DOWN THE BLOCK. S: Your problems seem like life and death
-
G: GUESS WHO'S CLIMBING THE STAIRS. Mrs.S: But I promise, they're not.
-
G: GUESS WHO'S PICKING YOUR LOCK. V: You dont know what my world looks like!
-
G: TIME'S UP, GO SAY YOUR PRAYERS! Mrs.S: HAVE A NICE DAY!
-
G: Veronica's running on, running on fumes now. Veronica's totally fried!
-
Veronica's gotta be tripping on shrooms now, thinkin' that she can hide!
-
Veronica's done for, there's no doubt now. Notify next of kin.
-
Veronica's trying to keep him out now,
-
TOO LATE, he got in.
-
JD: Knock, knock!
-
Sorry to come in through the window.
-
Dreadful etiquette, I know.
-
V: Get out of my house.
-
JD: Hiding in the closet? [laughs]
-
Come ooon!
-
Open the door!
-
V: No, I'll scream. My parents will call the police.
-
JD: All is forgiven, baby!
-
Come on out and get dressed. You're my date for the pep rally tonight.
-
V: What? Why?!
-
JD: Well, our classmates thought they were signing a petition.
-
You gotta come out here and see what they really signed!
-
You chucked me out like I was trash,
-
for that you should be dead.
-
But, but, but!
-
Then it hit me like a flash:
-
"What if high school went away instead?"
-
Those assholes are the key!
-
They're keeping you away from me!
-
They made you blind,
-
messed up your mind. But I can set you free!
-
You left me and I fell apart,
-
I punched the wall and cried.
-
BAM, BAM, BAM!
-
Then I found you changed my heart,
-
and set loose all that truth bullshit inside!
-
And so I built a bomb.
-
Tonight our school is Vietnam.
-
Let's guarantee they never see their senior prom!
-
I was meant to be yours!
-
We were meant to be one!
-
Don't give up on me now,
-
finish what we've begun!
-
I was meant to be yours!
-
So when the high school goes BOOM!
-
With everyone inside,
-
[makes explosion noises]
-
in the rubble of their tomb,
-
we'll plant this note explaining why they died!
-
All: "We, the students of Westerburg High, will die.
-
Our burned bodies may finally get through to you.
-
Your society turns out slaves and blanks.
-
No thanks. Signed, the students of Westerburg High.
-
GOODBYE."
-
JD: We'll watch the smoke pour out the doors!
-
Bring marshmallows, we'll make s'mores!
-
We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars!
-
I WAS MEANT TO BE YOURS!
-
WE WERE MEANT TO BE ONE!
-
I CAN'T MAKE IT ALONE,
-
FINISH WHAT WE BEGUN.
-
YOU WERE MEANT TO BE MINE!
-
I AM ALL THAT YOU NEED!
-
YOU CARVED OPEN MY HEART,
-
CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME TO BLEED!
-
V E R O N I C A!
-
Open the.. open the door, please. Veronica, open the door!
-
Veronica, can we not fight anymore please? Can we not fight anymore?
-
Veronica, sure, you're scared, I've been there.
-
I can set you free!
-
Veronica, don't make me come in there.
-
I'M GONNA COUNT TO THREE!
-
One...
-
Two...
-
FUCK IT!
-
No...
-
Veronica...
-
Oh God....
-
Please..
-
don't...
-
leave me alone....
-
You..
-
were...
-
all I could trust....
-
I..
-
can't...
-
do this alone....
-
STILL,
-
I WILL
-
IF I MUST!
-
Mrs.S: Veronica?
-
I made you a snack!
-
...Veronica?
-
[screams]
-
V: OH, GOD! MOM!
-
[screaming at each other]
-
V: I'M SO SORRY, IT'S-IT'S A JOKE. I'M SO SORRY, I'M SO SORRY!
-
Mrs.S: IT'S NOT FUNNY!
-
V: You're right, you're right, I'm sorry-- Mr.S: What's going on up here?!
-
V: Oh god, Mom, Dad, I'm so sorry.
-
Mr.S: Sorry for what? V: For being a horrible person.
-
Mrs.S: What?
-
Mrs.S: Where are you going?! V: Out.
-
Mr.S: When will you be back?
-
V: ...That's a good question.
-
I wanted someone strong who could protect me.
-
I let his anger fester and infect me.
-
His solution is a lie.
-
No one here deserves to die.
-
Except for me,
-
and the monster I created.
-
Yeah, YEAH!
-
Heads up, JD. I'm a dead girl walkin'.
-
Can't hide from me, I'm a dead girl walkin'.
-
Now here's your final bell.
-
It's one more dance, and then farewell.
-
Cheek to cheek in hell
-
with a dead girl
-
walkin'.
-
S: WO-O-O-O-OAH!
-
H M.: Come on, Westerburg!
-
S: WO-O-O-O-OAH!
-
H M.: Here we go! Here we go, now!
-
Ms.F: Veronica!
-
Jason Dean told me you just committed suicide.
-
V: Yeah, well.. he's wrong about a lot of things.
-
Ms.F: I threw together a lovely tribute,
-
especially considering the short notice.
-
V: Ms. Fleming, what's under the gym?
-
Ms.F: The boiler room.
-
V: Oh... that's it.
-
Ms.F: Veronica, what is going on?!
-
V: Got no time to talk, I'm a dead girl walkin'!
-
S: HEY-O, WESTERBURG!
-
TELL ME, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
-
HERE COMES WESTERBURG,
-
COMIN' TA PUT YOU IN THE GROUND.
-
GO, GO WESTERBURG!
-
GIVE A GREAT BIG YELL.
-
WESTERBURG WILL KNOCK YOU OUT,
-
AND SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!
-
V: Step away from the bomb.
-
JD: And here I thought you'd lost your taste in faking suicides.
-
Oh-oh, and this little thing?
-
I'd hardly call this a bomb.
-
This is to trigger
-
the packs of thermals
-
upstairs in the gym.
-
Now, those?...
-
Those are bombs.
-
People will see the ashes of Westerburg,
-
and think to themselves,
-
"Now there's a school that self destructed,
-
not because society didn't care,
-
BUT BECAUSE
-
that school
-
WAS society."
-
You know, the only place that Heathers and Marthas can truly get along...?
-
Heaven.
-
V: I wish your mom had been a little stronger.
-
I wish she'd stayed around a little longer.
-
I wish your dad were good!
-
I wish grownups understood!
-
I wish we'd met before
-
they convinced you life is war!
-
I wish you'd come with me!
-
JD: I WISH I HAD MORE TNT!
-
S: HEY-O, WESTERBURG!
-
TELL ME, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
-
HERE COMES WESTERBURG,
-
COMIN' TA PUT YOU IN THE GROUND!
-
GO, GO WESTERBURG!
-
GIVE A GREAT BIG YELL.
-
WESTERBURG WILL KNOCK YOU OUT,
-
AND SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO--
-
[gunshot] V: [screams]
-
JD: Was that good for you?
-
'Cause it kinda sucked for me.
-
V: JD...?
-
JD: [grunts]
-
V: Just listen to me, just listen to me, ok?
-
Just listen to me, it's over, okay? Which wire do I pull?
-
JD, WHICH WIRE DO I PULL?!
-
J- ....
-
Dear diary, the irony of this is that
-
I never got to write my own suicide note.
-
JD: [grunts]
-
Smart girl.
-
Bring the trigger bomb
-
out here to the football field, and nobody dies.
-
'Cept you...
-
...if you keep holding onto the thing-
-
V: I don't deserve to live. JD: I respectfully...
-
...disagree.
-
JD: Give it to me. V: Just stay away from me.
-
JD: Or what?
-
I am damaged.
-
Far too damaged.
-
But you're not beyond repair.
-
Stick around here.
-
Make things better.
-
'Cause...
-
you beat me...
-
fair and square.
-
Please stand back now.
-
Little further.
-
Don't know what this thing will do.
-
Hope you miss me,
-
wish you'd kiss me.
-
Then you'd know I worship you.
-
JD: I'll trade my life for yours. V: Oh my god!
-
JD: And once I disappear... V: Wait, HOLD ON.
-
JD: Clean up the mess down here! V: NOT THIS WAY!
-
JD: Our love is God.
-
Our love is God.
-
Our love is God.
-
Our love is God.
-
V: Say hi to God.
-
[EXPLODE]
-
H M.: Where have you been?
-
People were saying you killed yourself.
-
H D.: You look like hell.
-
V: I just got back.
-
H D.: Hey, what are you doing?!
-
V: Listen up, folks. War is over.
-
Brand new sheriff's come to town.
-
We are done with acting evil.
-
We will lay our weapons down.
-
We're all damaged, we're all frightened.
-
We're all freaks, but that's alright.
-
We'll endure it, we'll survive it.
-
Martha, are you free tonight?
-
Ah...
-
My date for the pep rally kinda blew...
-
me off, so...
-
I was wondering, if you weren't doing anything tonight, maybe we could
-
pop some Jiffy Pop and rent a video?
-
Something with a happy ending.
-
M: Are there any happy endings?
-
V: I can't promise no more Heathers.
-
High school may not ever end.
-
Still, I miss you. I'd be honored,
-
If you'd let me be your friend!
-
M: My friend!
-
Both: We can be seventeen!
-
We can learn how to chill.
-
If no one loves me now,
-
someday somebody will.
-
We can be seventeen.
-
Still time to make things right.
-
One day we'll change the world,
-
but let's kick back tonight!
-
All: Let's go be seventeen!
-
Take off our clothes and dance!
-
Act like we're all still kids,
-
'cause this could be our final chance!
-
Always be seventeen.
-
Celebrate you and I.
-
Maybe we won't grow old,
-
and maybe then we'll never ever die!
-
We'll make it beautiful!
-
We'll make it beautiful!
-
Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful!
-
BEAUTIFUL!
-
BEAUTIFUL!