ERB - Blackbeard vs Al Capone

I come strapped

with six pistols and a dagger

walk under the black flag

with a scallywag swagger

ain't no parrot on my shoulder

and no rings in my ear

I'm an irate pirate

real swashbuckling buccaneer

beef with me? please

I'm the high seas Caesar

my cold heart is many degrees

beneath the deep freezer

you're an obese greasy sleaze

squeezing a diseased peter

that no skeezer would touch

if she had fifty foot tweezers

don't start a war with me

you're not hardcore

I'll pimp slap those face scars of yours

port and starboard

you spent time in Alcatraz

I'm sure you were fine

if you dropped the soap as little

as you drop dope rhymes

I'm a busy man Captain Crunch

I'll make this quick

I'm ruining pirates faster

than Johnny Depp did

I had syphilis yeah

well you're a huge dick

with a scurvy ridden ship

filled with bilge rat pricks

I run an intricate criminal syndicate

so show respect

or get that tongue ripped out your neck

and shoved straight up your poop deck

slapping bitch ass teachers

back since I was fourteen

you ain't a tough guy

my kids dress up like you for Halloween

I'll use that fuse in your hat

to light up you and your buddies

then burn your sailboat down

and collect the insurance money

then maybe they find your bloated body

dead and washed up on the beach

this is Capone rapping

and I'm capping this Captain

capisce?

The Valentine's Massacre

brought you condemnation

but I'm gonna sink you faster

than your income tax evasion

when I toss you overboard

like a mob abomination

so prepare to learn

the Davy Jones locker combination

forty cannon on the Queen Anne

your gang can't stop it

I'll pilfer all your rum

and sell it back at a profit

cause I'm a criminal legend

with a bad ass name

you're a fat thug

with an STD in his brain

C'mon they chopped your head off

and they hung it from a rope

the only legend you left

was your prohibition on soap

I mean that rat nest beard's

trapped so many crumbs

this bum could get marooned

and still eat lunch for a month

I'm the emcee assassin

slash like Edward Kenway

rap so hard call me Al

dente

take your little sloop John B

and go home

tell South Carolina

Blackbeard got Capwned