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I come strapped
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with six pistols and a dagger
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walk under the black flag
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with a scallywag swagger
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ain't no parrot on my shoulder
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and no rings in my ear
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I'm an irate pirate
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real swashbuckling buccaneer
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beef with me? please
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I'm the high seas Caesar
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my cold heart is many degrees
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beneath the deep freezer
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you're an obese greasy sleaze
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squeezing a diseased peter
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that no skeezer would touch
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if she had fifty foot tweezers
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don't start a war with me
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you're not hardcore
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I'll pimp slap those face scars of your
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port and starboard
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you spent time in Alcatraz
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I'm sure you were fine
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if you dropped the soap as little
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as you drop dope rhymes
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I'm a busy man Captain Crunch
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I'll make this quick
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I'm ruining pirates faster
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than Johnny Depp did
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I had syphilis yeah
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well you're a huge dick
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with a scurvy ridden ship
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filled with bilge rat pricks
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I run an intricate criminal syndicate
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so show respect
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or get that tongue ripped out your neck
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and shoved straight up your poop deck
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slapping bitch ass teachers
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back since I was fourteen
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you ain't a tough guy
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my kids dress up like you for Halloween
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I'll use that fuse in your hat
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to light up you and your buddies
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then burn your sailboat down
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and collect the insurance money
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then maybe they find your bloated body
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dead and washed up on the beach
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this is Capone rapping
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and I'm capping this Captain
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capisce?
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The Valentine's Massacre
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brought you condemnation
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but I'm gonna sink you faster
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than your income tax evasion
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when I toss you overboard
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like a mob abomination
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so prepare to learn
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the Davy Jones locker combination
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forty cannon on the Queen Anne
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your gang can't stop it
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I'll pilfer all your rum
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and sell it back at a profit
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cause I'm a criminal legend
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with a bad ass name
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you're a fat thug
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with an STD in his brain
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C'mon they chopped your head off
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and they hung it from a rope
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the only legend you left
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was your prohibition on soap
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I mean that rat nest beard's
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trapped so many crumbs
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this bum could get marooned
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and still eat lunch for a month
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I'm the emcee assassin
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slash like Edward Kenway
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rap so hard call me Al
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dente
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take your little sloop John B
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and go home
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tell South Carolina
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Blackbeard got Capwned
Epic Rap Battles of History
