Masturbation myths | Teesha Morgan | TEDxStanleyPark

This talk will walk you through the emotionally-charged myths and misconceptions surrounding masturbation.

Dr. Teesha Morgan is a Sex Therapist and Couples Counsellor, author, sexual educator and co-founder of The Westland Academy of Clinical Sex Therapy.

Email: [e-mail]

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Did you know that spicy foods
actually increase your sex drive?

That they wake up your libido

and actually cause you
to become more lustful as a result?

And did you know that if you are a man
and you masturbate enough,

you can actually become infertile?

Not only that, but it can cause
a slow degenerative condition

that not only affects the man
but any offspring that he has as well.

And did you know
that too much self-loving

can actually cause you to grow hair
on the palms of your hands?

(Laughter)

Everyone will know what you do
with your spare time.

(Laughter)

OK, everything I just told you was a lie.

(Cheering)

Thank God!

But it was not that long ago
when people used to believe these things.

And many still do.

So today I am talking to you
about masturbation myths.

So we can uncover some of today's
most perpetuated falsehoods

and unearth some from the past

that have actually come to shape
our present-day reality.

For example -

unsweetened Kellogg's cornflakes

were developed by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg.

See, he was an anti-masturbation crusader.

He believed, as did
many people at the time,

that spicy foods led to lust,
and lust led to masturbation,

and masturbation led
to a whole host of horrible things.

So, he developed this diet
that was bland in flavour

to hopefully decrease
the chances of masturbation.

(Laughter)

It was actually his brother Will
that added sugar to the flakes

and marketed them as a breakfast cereal
before they took off.

The Graham Cracker
actually has a similar past.

Sylvester Graham was a minister
and anti-masturbation crusader,

and he developed
the Graham Cracker, as well,

as part of a bland diet
in order to decrease masturbation.

If he only knew what we did with S'mores.

(Laughter)

Now, it wasn't just these two men

campaigning against
the evils of masturbation.

In fact, most health care professionals
at the time, and health manuals,

believed the same thing.

So, now it is easy for us
to snicker at this

and think how naive and ignorant
these people must have been

to believe such silly things.

Because of course,
we have evolved leaps and bounds

out of our grandparents' generation
of sexual shaming.

We know our facts.

I mean, we are part of movements
like legalising gay marriage,

and improving our sex education
in our school systems,

and increasing our 'clitoracy'

through things like
'The Vagina Monologues'.

(Laughter)

We know our facts.

Or do we?

There is actually still a lot of falsehood
around masturbation today.

You see, as a sex therapist,

I get to meet and talk
with a whole host of different people.

It is actually quite a unique opportunity

because people come to me

and they tell me their innermost
thoughts and feelings,

their desires, their fears,
their anxieties, their wishes -

everything.

And over time,
you start to notice patterns.

So, for example:

Women will often come to me because
they have not been able to have an orgasm.

Now, being preorgasmic could stem
from a whole host of different things,

but one trend I often see

is that many women still feel
so much shame around self-pleasuring,

around masturbation,
that they do not do it.

Therefore, they're
relying on their partner

as their only means to orgasm attainment.

But they have no roadmap for their body.

With men, I often see a different trend.

Where maybe -

(Laughter)

stay with me on this -

(Laughter)

maybe they have relied on masturbation

as their sole means
for orgasm attainment for so long

that this has created adverse patterns.

Now, regardless if the client
is a male or a female,

looking at the issues
surrounding masturbation

and how that ties
to the presenting sexual issue

is extremely important to recognize.

So today, I thought we'd address
masturbation myths,

as our mistaken beliefs will have a
trickle-down effect on future generations

and contribute to many
sexuality based issues that I see today.

So, let's do a little fact-or-fiction
with our favourite pastime, shall we?

Fact or fiction?

Women who rely on vibrators
or toys to masturbate

will not be able to have an orgasm
with her partner during sex.

They will become dependent on it.

That is fiction, yes.

So,

some women do like more intense,
direct stimulation on the clitoral hood,

which a vibrator will provide
more so than a penis, yes,

but that does not cause an inability
to reach orgasm by other means.

In fact, research shows that women
who take their time to self-explore

and learn about their body
through masturbation

are more likely to attain
an orgasm with a partner

than those who do not.

Alright, fact or fiction?

Those in dating relationships
are more likely to masturbate

than those who are single.

That is a fact.

So, those in relationships are more likely
or just as likely to masturbate

than those who are single.

Not only that, but homosexual behavior
is associated with a higher degree,

or a higher frequency of masturbation.

Men masturbate more than women,

older people less than younger people,

African-Americans less than other groups,

non-religious more so than Christians,

and the more educated you are,

the more likely it is
that you will masturbate.

Fact or fiction?

I think she's reading
Fifty Shades of Grey.

(Laughter)

Women - fact.

(Laughter)

Women generally masturbate by inserting
objects into the vagina;

therefore, simulating penetrative sex.

That was a quick one.

(Laughter)

Fiction, yes.

Some women do masturbate in this fashion,

and that is fine and completely normal.

However, it is far more likely
for women to masturbate

by using clitoral stimulation,
or the stimulation of the clitoral hood.

The clitoris is actually
a very interesting little body part.

It is not merely a little button
that's hidden away,

you know, we say,
look for the little man in the canoe.

(Laughter)

It is actually a fairly large
internal organ,

and it is the only body part
that exists solely for pleasure.

The clitoris is estimated to be
between 9 and 12 centimeters long

and 6 centimeters wide.

Fact or fiction?

Early childhood masturbation is abnormal

and may mean that your child
is hypersexual.

Well done.

Fiction.

So, children learn very early on
what feels good

when they touch their bodies,
both male and female.

So, early childhood masturbation,
well before puberty,

even into infancy,
is actually quite normal.

(Laughter)

This man looks very worried.

(Laughter)

Fact or fiction?

Too much masturbation
can cause adverse health risks.

That is fiction.

So, the only health risk associated
with too much masturbation

would be allergic reactions
due to lubricants,

infections due to unwashed toys,

or just skin irritations in general.

Masturbation is actually
the ultimate form of safe sex

and masturbation -

(Laughter)

fact! -

(Laughter)

masturbation resulting in orgasm

actually carries with it
a plethora of positive health benefits.

It alleviates headaches,
it decreases stress, it is a sleep aid,

and it actually improves
your immune functioning.

And women who masturbate
during their period

can actually alleviate menstrual cramps.

It is estimated that about
95% of men and 89% of women

have masturbated
at some time in their life.

So, masturbating,
for both sexes, every day even,

is normal and healthy.

So, the only adverse health risk
that might be associated with it

is if you are masturbating so much

that you stop going to work, let's say,

(Laughter)

or it is impeding your daily functioning
and social responsibilities,

then it may be an issue -

and you should come and see me.

(Laughter)

Fact or fiction?

Masturbation will not
impede your stamina

or affect your performance

before a big game or workout.

That is a fact.

So as I already said,

masturbation carries with it a plethora
of positive health benefits,

so it actually may be beneficial to you
rather than harmful.

Again, the only thing
that could cause you problems

is if you are masturbating
to the point of exhaustion.

(Laughter)

But then, that would be true
for any activity

where you are repeatedly using
the same muscles over and over again.

Alright, last one.

(Laughter)

Now, this is a very common one I get.

Fact or fiction?

Masturbation causes premature ejaculation
and erectile disfunction.

You are all quieter on this one, I see.

(Laughter)

That is fiction.

Now, this is a very complicated issue.

So, the general act of masturbation
does not cause erectile dysfunction;

however, it may be helpful to think of it
in terms of a sports analogy.

So, let's say you are
a professional athlete.

During practice, you are sloughing off,
you are not trying hard during the drills,

just not being an overall good player.

Now, when you get
into a game-time situation,

you are not going to play like a pro.

Why?

Because you practice like you play.

So, you have to think
of masturbation in the same way.

Masturbation is the practice;
partnered sex is the play.

So, for example.

Let's say, as a man,
every single time you masturbate,

you only give yourself a few minutes
from first touch to ejaculation.

That may condition you
to those few minutes.

So, when you are with a partner
and you want to last longer,

that may create problems for you.

Or let's say, you watch
the same type of visual stimuli,

let's say foot-fetish
pornography, for instance.

And then you are with a partner
who hates their feet,

does not want you anywhere near them.

That could create psychological
arousal problems for you.

So now, again, I am not saying
it's a cause and effect.

What I am stressing is the importance
of making your practice and your play

as similar as possible,

just like anything in life
that you want to be good at.

So now, I can stand up here

and do the fact
versus fiction battle all day,

but perhaps the catalyst for change
isn't just in the education

but on a shift in perspective.

Now,

there is few people
in North America, today at least,

campaigning against
the evils of masturbation

like Kellogg and Sylvester
Graham used to do;

however, there is still
a lot of negativity around this one word

or this one behavior
that we have in our society today.

So, if we think of all this negativity
around this one thing,

how do we break free of this
perpetual cycle of fear-based myths?

We just keep creating more.

I mean, the Roman Catholic Church
still holds that masturbation is sinful,

so many Catholics may not masturbate

or feel guilty about masturbating
because of that.

And many children inherit
negative views around masturbation

from their parents.

Now, speaking to the guilt.

When I was younger,

I did something that
I probably shouldn't have.

Now, I was really worried
about getting caught.

So, I pleaded with the cosmos.

I was like, "Please,
if I can get away with this,

just let me out unscathed,

I will not masturbate
for an entire month.

Thirty days!

Thirty straight days."

Now, I have no idea who I was pleading to,
I am not a religious person,

but I think that in times where we feel

like we do not have a lot of control
over our present or our future,

we reach out to this cosmos.

So now, I was lucky enough
not to get caught,

but when I look back on that now,
what stands out for me

is that I viewed masturbation
as something that was so wrong

or something that was so bad

that I could use it as a bargaining tool.

Almost like giving up smoking or drinking.

Now, I was very blessed to be raised
in a household with amazing parents

who never taught me
that masturbation was wrong

or something I should be ashamed of
or something that was sinful.

And I as I have already said,
I was not a religious person,

so where was I getting
these messages from?

I've come to realize,
it was from our society as a whole.

For example.

If you google the term masturbation
and look for synonyms,

words like self-abuse come up
on almost every single page.

So, with all this negativity
around this one word,

how do we break free of this?

I think we need new terminology
for the word masturbation.

Because changing the words we use

to describe people,
places, events and ideas

are our first steps towards
changing our perspectives on them.

Now, I am not saying
that masturbation is a bad word

or that using proper
terminology is a bad thing;

what I am saying is that
if we can be a little bit more positive

in our adult, slang word of tongue,

in our day-to-day conversations,

this would be helpful.

For example.

I just stayed in last night.

Played a little sexual solitaire.
It was a good night.

(Laughter)

Or, I asked Jenny to come out with me,

but she said she needed
a little 'me time'.

A little self-relaxation therapy.

You know?

She was having herself
a 'onesome' instead of a threesome -

sounded great.

Now, I am not saying that this change
is going to happen overnight,

but what I am asking is for
each of you to do a little introspection,

to look at the words that we use
to describe masturbation

and our hang-ups surrounding it.

Because if we can change this,
we can change our perspective on it,

we will have a better society.

We will be better partners,
better lovers, better communicators.

And the sexual problems that I see daily
will decrease dramatically.

So, I think now
is the perfect time, tonight.

Go home,

set the mood,

turn the lights down low,

and romance the hell out of yourself.

(Laughter)

(Applause)