TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live?
-
0:15 - 0:21(Singing) I see the moon.
The moon sees me. -
0:21 - 0:27The moon sees somebody that I don't see.
-
0:27 - 0:33God bless the moon, and god bless me,
-
0:33 - 0:40and God bless that somebody
that I don't see. -
0:40 - 0:46If I get to heaven, before you do,
-
0:46 - 0:53I'll make a hole and pull you through.
-
0:53 - 0:58And I'll write your name, on every star,
-
0:58 - 1:02and that way the world,
-
1:02 - 1:06won't seem so far.
-
1:06 - 1:10The astronaut will not be at work today.
-
1:10 - 1:11He has called in sick.
-
1:11 - 1:17He has turned off his cell phone,
his laptop, his pager, his alarm clock. -
1:17 - 1:20There is a fat yellow cat
asleep on his couch, -
1:20 - 1:22rain drops against the window,
-
1:22 - 1:25and not even the hint
of coffee in the kitchen air. -
1:25 - 1:27Everybody is in a tizzy.
-
1:27 - 1:31The engineers on the 15th floor have
stopped working on their particle machine. -
1:31 - 1:33The anti gravity room is leaking
-
1:33 - 1:35and even the freckled kid with glasses,
-
1:35 - 1:37whose only job is to take
out the trash, is nervous, -
1:37 - 1:40fumbles the bag, spills
a banana peel and a paper cup. -
1:40 - 1:41Nobody notices.
-
1:41 - 1:44They are too busy recalculating
what this all mean for lost time. -
1:45 - 1:47How many galaxies
are we losing per second. -
1:47 - 1:49How long before next rocket
can be launched, somewhere. -
1:50 - 1:52An electron flies off its energy cloud.
-
1:52 - 1:53A black hole has erupted.
-
1:53 - 1:56A mother finishes setting
the table for dinner. -
1:56 - 1:58A Law & Order marathon is starting.
-
1:58 - 2:00The astronaut is asleep.
-
2:00 - 2:02He has forgotten to turn off his watch,
-
2:02 - 2:05which ticks, like a metal
pulse against his wrist. -
2:05 - 2:07He does not hear it.
-
2:07 - 2:10He dreams of coral reefs and plankton.
-
2:10 - 2:13His fingers find
the pillowcase's sailing masts. -
2:13 - 2:15He turns on his side.
Opens his eyes at once. -
2:15 - 2:21He thinks that scuba divers must have
the most wonderful job in the world. -
2:21 - 2:24So much water to glide through!
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2:26 - 2:31(Applause)
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2:31 - 2:33Thank you.
-
2:33 - 2:37When I was little, I could
not understand the concept -
2:37 - 2:40that you could only live one life.
-
2:40 - 2:42I don't mean this metaphorically.
-
2:42 - 2:45I mean, I literally thought
that I was going to get to do -
2:45 - 2:48everything that there was to do
-
2:48 - 2:50and be everything there was to be.
-
2:50 - 2:52It was only a matter of time.
-
2:52 - 2:55Ad there was no limitation
based on age, or gender, -
2:55 - 2:58or race or even appropriate time period.
-
2:58 - 3:01I was sure that I was going
to actually experience -
3:01 - 3:06what it felt like to be a leader
of the civil right movement, -
3:06 - 3:08or a ten-year old boy living
on a farm during the dust bowl, -
3:08 - 3:12or an emperor of the Tang
dynasty in China. -
3:12 - 3:15My mom says that when people asked me what
-
3:15 - 3:20I wanted to be when I grew up, my typical
response was princess-ballerina-astronaut. -
3:20 - 3:23And what she doesn't understand
is that I wasn't trying to invent -
3:23 - 3:25some combined
super profession. -
3:25 - 3:29I was listing things I thought
I was gonna get to be: -
3:29 - 3:32a princess, and a ballerina,
and an astronaut. -
3:32 - 3:35and I'm pretty sure the list
probably went on from there. -
3:35 - 3:37I usually just got cut off.
-
3:37 - 3:39It was never a question
of if I was going to do something -
3:39 - 3:42so much of a question of when.
-
3:42 - 3:45And I was sure that if I was going
to do everything, -
3:45 - 3:47that it probably meant I had
to move pretty quickly, -
3:47 - 3:49because there was a lot
of stuff I needed to do. -
3:49 - 3:52So my life was constantly
in a state of rushing. -
3:52 - 3:54I was always scared
that I was falling behind. -
3:54 - 3:57And since I grew up in New York
City, as far as I could tell, -
3:57 - 4:00rushing was pretty normal.
-
4:00 - 4:04But, as I grew up, I had
this sinking realization, -
4:04 - 4:08that I wasn't gonna get to live
any more than one life -
4:08 - 4:11I only knew what it felt
like to be a teenage girl -
4:11 - 4:12in New York City,
-
4:12 - 4:15not a teenage boy in New Zealand,
-
4:15 - 4:18not a prom queen in Kansas.
-
4:18 - 4:21I only got to see through my lens
and it was around this time -
4:21 - 4:23that I became obsessed with stories,
-
4:23 - 4:26because it was through stories
that I was able to see -
4:26 - 4:30through someone else's lens,
however briefly or imperfectly. -
4:30 - 4:34And I started craving hearing
other people's experiences -
4:34 - 4:37because I was so jealous
that there were entire lives -
4:37 - 4:40that I was never going to get
to live, and I wanted to hear -
4:40 - 4:42about everything that I was missing.
-
4:42 - 4:44And by transitive property, I realized
-
4:44 - 4:47that some people were never going
to get to experience what it felt like -
4:47 - 4:49to be a teenage girl in New York city.
-
4:49 - 4:51Which meant that they weren’t
going to know -
4:51 - 4:54what the subway ride
after your first kiss feels like, -
4:54 - 4:57or how quiet it gets when its snows,
-
4:57 - 4:59and I wanted them to know,
I wanted to tell them -
4:59 - 5:02and this became the focus of my obsession.
-
5:02 - 5:05I busied myself telling stories
and sharing stories and collecting them. -
5:05 - 5:08And it's not until recently
that I realized -
5:08 - 5:12that I can't always rush poetry.
-
5:12 - 5:16In April for National Poetry Month
there's this challenge that, -
5:16 - 5:19many poets in the poetry
community participate in, -
5:19 - 5:21and its called the 30/30 Challenge.
-
5:21 - 5:24The idea is you write
a new poem -
5:24 - 5:27every single day
for the entire month of April. -
5:28 - 5:31And last year I tried it for the first
time, and I was thrilled -
5:31 - 5:34by the efficiency at which I was able
to produce poetry. -
5:34 - 5:38But at the end of the month I looked
back at these 30 poems I had written, -
5:38 - 5:42and discovered that they were
all trying to tell the same story, -
5:42 - 5:47it had just taken me 30 tries to figure
out the way that it wanted to be told. -
5:47 - 5:51And I realized that this is probably true
of other stories on an even larger scale. -
5:51 - 5:53I have stories that I have
tried to tell for years, -
5:53 - 5:57rewriting and rewriting and constantly
searching for the right words. -
5:57 - 6:01There's a French poet, an essayist
by the name of Paul Valery -
6:01 - 6:05who said a poem is never
finished, it is only abandoned. -
6:05 - 6:07And this terrifies me
because it implies that -
6:07 - 6:11I could keep reediting and rewriting
forever and its up to me to decide -
6:11 - 6:16when a poem is finished and when
I can walk away from it. -
6:16 - 6:19And this goes directly against my very
obsessive nature to try -
6:19 - 6:22to find the right answer, and the perfect
words, and the right form. -
6:22 - 6:24And I use poetry in my life,
-
6:24 - 6:27as a way to help me navigate
and work through things. -
6:27 - 6:30But just because I end the poem,
doesn't mean that I've solved -
6:30 - 6:33whatever I was puzzling through.
-
6:33 - 6:35I like to revisit old poetry,
-
6:35 - 6:39because it shows me exactly
where I was at that moment. -
6:39 - 6:41And what it was I was trying
to navigate and the words -
6:41 - 6:43that I chose to help me.
-
6:43 - 6:45Now, I have a story
-
6:45 - 6:47that I've been stumbling
over for years and years -
6:47 - 6:50and I'm not sure if I've found
the prefect form, -
6:50 - 6:52or whether this is just one attempt
-
6:52 - 6:54and I will try to rewrite it later
-
6:54 - 6:56in search of a better way to tell it.
-
6:56 - 6:59But I do know that later, when I look back
-
6:59 - 7:02I will be able to know
that this is where I was -
7:02 - 7:05at this moment, and this
is what I was trying to navigate, -
7:05 - 7:10with these words, here,
in this room, with you. -
7:11 - 7:13So -- Smile.
-
7:20 - 7:23It didn't always work this way.
-
7:23 - 7:25There is a time you have
to get your hands dirty. -
7:25 - 7:29When you were in the dark,
for most of it, fumbling was a given, -
7:29 - 7:32and you needed more
contrast, more saturation, -
7:32 - 7:35darker darks, and brighter brights.
-
7:35 - 7:38They called it extended development.
It meant you spent -
7:38 - 7:41longer inhaling chemicals,
longer up to your wrist. -
7:41 - 7:42It wasn't always easy.
-
7:42 - 7:45Grandpa Stewart was a navy photographer.
-
7:45 - 7:48Young, red-faced
with the sleeves rolled up, -
7:48 - 7:51fists of fingers like fat rolls of coins,
-
7:51 - 7:55he looked like Popeye
the sailor man, come to life. -
7:55 - 7:56Crooked smile, tuft of chest hair,
-
7:56 - 8:00he showed up at World War II,
with a smirk and a hobby. -
8:00 - 8:02When they asked him if he knew
much about photography, -
8:02 - 8:06he lied, learned to read
Europe like a map, -
8:06 - 8:09upside down, from the height
of a fighter plane, -
8:09 - 8:12camera snapping, eyelids
flapping, the darkest darks -
8:12 - 8:14and brightest brights.
-
8:14 - 8:17He learned war like he could
read his way home. -
8:17 - 8:20When other men returned,
they would put their weapons out to rest, -
8:20 - 8:23but he, brought the lenses
and the cameras home with him. -
8:23 - 8:26Opened a shop, turned it
into a family affair. -
8:26 - 8:29My father was born into this
world of black and white. -
8:29 - 8:33His basketball hands learned
the tiny clicks and slides -
8:33 - 8:35of lens into frame, film into camera,
-
8:35 - 8:37chemical into plastic bin.
-
8:37 - 8:40His father knew the equipment
but not the art. -
8:40 - 8:42He knew the darks but not the brights.
-
8:42 - 8:46My father learned the magic,
spent his time following light. -
8:46 - 8:49Once he traveled across the country
to follow a forest fire, -
8:49 - 8:52hunted it with his camera for a week.
-
8:52 - 8:54"Follow the light," he said.
-
8:54 - 8:56"Follow the light."
-
8:56 - 8:58There are parts of me
I only recognize from photographs. -
8:59 - 9:02The loft on Wooster street
with the creaky hallways, -
9:02 - 9:05the twelve-foot ceilings,
the white walls and cold floors. -
9:05 - 9:07This was my mothers home,
before she was mother. -
9:07 - 9:10Before she was wife, she was artist.
-
9:10 - 9:12And the only two rooms in the house,
-
9:12 - 9:15with walls that reached
all the way up to the ceiling, -
9:15 - 9:16and doors that opened and closed,
-
9:16 - 9:19were the bathroom and the dark room.
-
9:19 - 9:21The dark room she built
herself, with custom made -
9:21 - 9:25stainless steel sinks,
an 8 by 10 bed enlarger -
9:25 - 9:27that moved up and down by a giant
hand crank, -
9:27 - 9:29a bank of color balanced lights,
-
9:29 - 9:31a white glass wall for viewing prints,
-
9:31 - 9:34a drying rack that moved
in and out from the wall. -
9:34 - 9:36My mother built herself a dark room.
-
9:36 - 9:37Made it her home.
-
9:37 - 9:40Fell in love with a man
with basketball hands, -
9:40 - 9:42with the way he looked at light.
-
9:42 - 9:44They got married. Had a baby.
-
9:44 - 9:46Moved to a house near a park.
-
9:46 - 9:49But they kept the loft at Wooster street
-
9:49 - 9:51for birthday parties and treasure hunts.
-
9:51 - 9:54The baby tipped the gray scale.
-
9:54 - 9:56Filled her parents' photo
albums with red balloons -
9:56 - 9:57and yellow icing.
-
9:57 - 10:00The baby grew into a girl
without freckles, -
10:00 - 10:01with a crooked smile,
-
10:01 - 10:06who didn’t understand why her friends did
not have dark rooms in their houses, -
10:06 - 10:07who never saw her parents kiss,
-
10:07 - 10:09who never saw them hold hands.
-
10:09 - 10:11But one day, another baby showed up.
-
10:11 - 10:15This one with perfect straight
hair and bubble gum cheeks. -
10:15 - 10:17They named him sweet potato.
-
10:17 - 10:18When he laughed, he laughed so loudly,
-
10:18 - 10:20he scared the pigeons on the fire escape
-
10:20 - 10:23And the four of them lived
in that house near the park. -
10:23 - 10:26The girl with no freckles,
and the sweet potato boy, -
10:26 - 10:28the basketball father,
and the dark room mother -
10:28 - 10:31and they lit their candles,
and they said their prayers, -
10:31 - 10:34and the corners of the photographs curled.
-
10:34 - 10:36One day some towers fell
-
10:36 - 10:40and the house near the park became
a house under ash, so they escaped. -
10:40 - 10:45In backpacks, on bicycles to darkrooms
but the loft of Wooster street -
10:45 - 10:49was built for an artist,
not a family of pigeons -
10:49 - 10:51and walls that do not reach the ceiling
-
10:51 - 10:52do not hold in the yelling
-
10:52 - 10:57and a man with basketball hands
put his weapons out to rest. -
10:57 - 11:00He could not fight this war
and no maps pointed home. -
11:00 - 11:02His hands no longer fit his camera,
-
11:02 - 11:03no longer fit his wife's,
-
11:03 - 11:06no longer fit his body.
-
11:06 - 11:09The sweet potato boy mashed
his fists into his mouth -
11:09 - 11:10until he had nothing more to say.
-
11:10 - 11:14So, the girl without freckles
went treasure hunting on her own. -
11:14 - 11:18And on Wooster street, in a building
with a creaky hallways, -
11:18 - 11:19and a loft of the 12-foot ceiling
-
11:19 - 11:21and a darkroom with too many sinks
-
11:21 - 11:24under the color balance
light, she found a note, -
11:24 - 11:29tacked to the wall thumb-tacked, left
over from the times before towers, -
11:29 - 11:31from the time before babies.
-
11:31 - 11:37And the note said: "A guy sure loves
the girl who works in the darkroom." -
11:37 - 11:41It was a year before my father
picked up a camera again. -
11:41 - 11:44His first time out, he followed
the Christmas lights, -
11:44 - 11:46dotting their way through New
York City's trees. -
11:46 - 11:51Tiny dots of light, blinking out of him
from out of the darkest darks. -
11:51 - 11:53A year later he traveled
across the country -
11:53 - 11:55to follow a forest fire,
-
11:55 - 11:58stayed for a week hunting
it with his camera, -
11:58 - 11:59it was ravaging the West Coast
-
11:59 - 12:01eating 18-wheeler trucks in its stride.
-
12:01 - 12:03On the other side of the country,
-
12:03 - 12:06I went to class and wrote a poem
on the margins of my notebook. -
12:06 - 12:09We have both learned the art of capture.
-
12:09 - 12:11Maybe we are learning
the art of embracing. -
12:11 - 12:15Maybe we are learning
the art of letting go. -
12:16 - 12:21Thank You. (Applause)
- Title:
- TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live?
- Description:
-
Sarah Kay, founder of Project V.O.I.C.E performs and discusses living through storytelling and learning how to stop rushing.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 12:24
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live? | ||
Leonardo Silva edited English subtitles for TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live? | ||
Yasushi Aoki commented on English subtitles for TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live? | ||
Ivana Korom approved English subtitles for TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live? | ||
Ivana Korom edited English subtitles for TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live? | ||
Ivana Korom edited English subtitles for TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live? | ||
Diba Szamosi accepted English subtitles for TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live? | ||
Diba Szamosi edited English subtitles for TEDxEast - Sarah Kay - How many lives can you live? |
Yasushi Aoki
11
00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,497
He is cold and sick.
He has called in sick.
27
00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:53,024
A black whole has erupted.
A black hole has erupted.
29
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,531
A law and order marathon is starting.
A Law & Order marathon is starting.
35
00:02:09,673 --> 00:02:12,675
His fingers find the pillowcase, his sailing mask.
His fingers find the pillowcase's sailing masts.
92
00:05:05,464 --> 00:05:08,487
And its not until recently that I realized
And it's not until recently that I realized
198
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:18,023
When she laughed, he laughed so loudly,
When he laughed, he laughed so loudly,