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Phil: We text each other a lot
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Dan: (laughing)
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P: And we've now made a tradition
D: Wait which one is this?
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P: This is..
D: The fourquel? The threequel?
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D: The foursome?
P: The foursome
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D: This is a goddamn franchise
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Welcome back to the Dan and Phil
texts cinematic universe
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In case you're new to this
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The idea is we're gonna
read our iMessage conversations
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Do you wanna know the real Dan and Phil?
P: (dramatic ooh)
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D: Not those stories,
not what everyone thinks P: No
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D: Who are actually are they?
What is going on in these minds?
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P: What is here? What is here?
D: The most vulnerable-
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D: Nothing
P: Nothing
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D: The end
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P: Little bird noises
D: Short video
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P: I sound a bit like a horse because I
had laryngitis
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D: Phil made out with a horse
P: Yes
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D: He's got horsevid
P: Hm
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P: It was the horse prince
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(deep voice) Welcome to Dan and Phil text
each other, with Phil's brand new voice
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D: Now it just sounds like some patreon
asmr porn thing
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P: It does. I should do one of those
D: Okay. Where the f(squeak)k are we sat?
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Continuing the kitchen reveal, past what
you saw in the baking video, welcome to
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a bit of feature wall
P: Look at this. And then that's the fish
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tank that has not been finished yet
D: That is my abandoned fish tank
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P: We're both wearing what I think were
the aesthetics of the year from us
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P: I'm doing my new bomber jacket era
D: From the Japan pic
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D: And I"ve got the single best merch
garment of all time. The doomed hoodie
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P: Yeah
D: This sh(bark) snug n a bug n a rug
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P: For context, I'm the blue bubbles and
Dan is the black bubbles
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D: Obviously
P: Yeah
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P: January 1st, proving that I'm the
better friend, I was the first person to
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text you, saying-
D: We were in the same location
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P: 'Rat' at 2:28am
D: Why would you text me at 2:30 on-
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P: I don't know
D: New Years Eve just saying 'rat'
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D: Start as you meant to go on,
what the hell is wrong with you?
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P: Maybe I'd seen a rat
D: And then the next day showing that
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we're real party people with NYD plans..
'Can I have my Switch controllers, only if
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it's not the worst hassle'. 90% of our
text conversation are when we're 3 metres
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away from each other- P: Yes D: and we
want someone to pass something
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or do something
P: For example Dan asking for his Switch
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controllers.. probably on the toilet. Just
slide it through the crack..
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D: Just me doing a thing, Phil-
P: ..of the door.
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D: Oh.. oh god
P: Of the door. Of the door!
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D: Not gonna be violet for long
P: Eugh
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D: 'Can you say dick on TikTok?'
P: I like that you think I'm the authority
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on this. 'I dot think so. You can't
say sex on TikTok.' D: Nice
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P: You know how people say sex?
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D: Uh 5 E 3
P: Seggs
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P: 'This person is on Only Fans' I'm not
saying who
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D: 'Lowkey'
P: 'Are you going to look lol'
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D: 'Can't be a- we should get a discount'
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P: I don't follow anyone on Only Fans but
I was interested
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D: I mean whatever it was, ultimately-
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P: Not highkey enough to give him 4 pounds
D: I ain't paying for that
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D: We're jumping straight in with Dan and
Phil with their own alien language
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what the hell are they on
P: It's too much effort to say real words
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P: 'mote'
D: Now this looks like 'to e' but I think
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it's toe
P: Toè
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P: 'Please can you make'
D: Now that was danandphilese for
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it's time to make a coffee.
Welcome to Pluto
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P: There we go
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D: 'Do you know where my black shirt is?'
P: 'Wow that narrows it down'
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D: Yeah walked into that one
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P: 'How do batteries work?' wha- wha-
sometimes-
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D: Why are you texting me that?
P: I don't know
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D: Oh for gods sake
P: Here I go
