Phil: We text each other a lot
Dan: (laughing)
P: And we've now made a tradition D: Wait which one is this?
P: This is.. D: The fourquel? The threequel?
D: The foursome? P: The foursome
D: This is a goddamn franchise
Welcome back to the Dan and Phil texts cinematic universe
In case you're new to this
The idea is we're gonna read our iMessage conversations
Do you wanna know the real Dan and Phil? P: (dramatic ooh)
D: Not those stories, not what everyone thinks P: No
D: Who are actually are they? What is going on in these minds?
P: What is here? What is here? D: The most vulnerable-
D: Nothing P: Nothing
D: The end
P: Little bird noises D: Short video
P: I sound a bit like a horse because I had laryngitis
D: Phil made out with a horse P: Yes
D: He's got horsevid P: Hm
P: It was the horse prince
(deep voice) Welcome to Dan and Phil text each other, with Phil's brand new voice
D: Now it just sounds like some patreon asmr porn thing
P: It does. I should do one of those D: Okay. Where the f(squeak)k are we sat?
Continuing the kitchen reveal, past what you saw in the baking video, welcome to
a bit of feature wall P: Look at this. And then that's the fish
tank that has not been finished yet D: That is my abandoned fish tank
P: We're both wearing what I think were the aesthetics of the year from us
P: I'm doing my new bomber jacket era D: From the Japan pic
D: And I"ve got the single best merch garment of all time. The doomed hoodie
P: Yeah D: This sh(bark) snug n a bug n a rug
P: For context, I'm the blue bubbles and Dan is the black bubbles
D: Obviously P: Yeah
P: January 1st, proving that I'm the better friend, I was the first person to
text you, saying- D: We were in the same location
P: 'Rat' at 2:28am D: Why would you text me at 2:30 on-
P: I don't know D: New Years Eve just saying 'rat'
D: Start as you meant to go on, what the hell is wrong with you?
P: Maybe I'd seen a rat D: And then the next day showing that
we're real party people with NYD plans.. 'Can I have my Switch controllers, only if
it's not the worst hassle'. 90% of our text conversation are when we're 3 metres
away from each other- P: Yes D: and we want someone to pass something
or do something P: For example Dan asking for his Switch
controllers.. probably on the toilet. Just slide it through the crack..
D: Just me doing a thing, Phil- P: ..of the door.
D: Oh.. oh god P: Of the door. Of the door!
D: Not gonna be violet for long P: Eugh
D: 'Can you say dick on TikTok?' P: I like that you think I'm the authority
on this. 'I dot think so. You can't say sex on TikTok.' D: Nice
P: You know how people say sex?
D: Uh 5 E 3 P: Seggs
P: 'This person is on Only Fans' I'm not saying who
D: 'Lowkey' P: 'Are you going to look lol'
D: 'Can't be a- we should get a discount'
P: I don't follow anyone on Only Fans but I was interested
D: I mean whatever it was, ultimately-
P: Not highkey enough to give him 4 pounds D: I ain't paying for that
D: We're jumping straight in with Dan and Phil with their own alien language
what the hell are they on P: It's too much effort to say real words
P: 'mote' D: Now this looks like 'to e' but I think
it's toe P: Toè
P: 'Please can you make' D: Now that was danandphilese for
it's time to make a coffee. Welcome to Pluto
P: There we go
D: 'Do you know where my black shirt is?' P: 'Wow that narrows it down'
D: Yeah walked into that one
P: 'How do batteries work?' wha- wha- sometimes-
D: Why are you texting me that? P: I don't know
D: Oh for gods sake P: Here I go