Twilight Zone - Episode 124 - A Kind of a Stopwatch

You unlock this door
with the key of imagination.

Beyond it is another dimension-

a dimension of sound...

a dimension of sight...

a dimension of mind.

You're moving into a land
of both shadow and substance,

of things and ideas.

You've just crossed over
into the twilight zone.

You think
about that now.

You cannot run
a business

by standing still
in a rut.

A business has
got to progress.

You got to keep pushing
and punching and prodding

until it gets diversified.

That's the word,
that's the key.

Coffee time.

A business must be diversified.

I was just telling them, fred.

You cannot run a business
by standing still in a rut.

Just as variety
is the spice of life,

diversification is the key
to success in business.

Now, you think
about that now.

Well, i got
coffee with cream,

cream and sugar,
sugar by itself,

cream by itself
and plain black,

so i'm already
diversified.

Now would you please
get out of the way, mcnulty?

Mcnulty.

Mcnulty here.

Mr. Cooper would like
to see you.

Hear that?
Did you hear that?

Mr. Cooper would like
to see mcnulty.

And do you know why mr. Cooper
would like to see mcnulty?

Because i have
been feeding suggestions

into that suggestion box
for 11 months now.

Did i say
suggestions?

Wrong word.

Suggestions,
any clod can make.

But dynamic blueprints
for the future,

He's waiting, mcnulty.

11 months of
suggestions

about to pay off.

Say, you wouldn't
be interested

in having dinner,
would you?

If i was
starving to death

and you were the
last man on earth

and it meant
my survival,
i might be,

but i'm not,
you're not,

and it doesn't,
so drift, mcnulty.

Submitted for your approval
or at least your analysis:

One patrick thomas mcnulty,

who at age 41
is the biggest bore on earth.

He holds a ten-year record

for the most meaningless words

spewed out
during a coffee break.

And it's very likely that,
as of this moment,

he would have gone through life
in precisely this manner,

a dull, argumentative bigmouth

who sets back the art of
conversation a thousand years.

I say he very likely would have,

except for something
that will soon happen to him,

something that will considerably
alter his existence... and ours.

Now, you think about that now,

because this is
the twilight zone.

Mr. Mcnulty, do you know
what i've been doing?

Yes, sir, mr. Cooper,

you've been going through
the suggestion box.

I knew you would.
I've been expecting it.

It takes a special
kind of employer to realize

that one of his men
has got it.

Obviously mcnulty
has got it.

Truer words, mr. Mcnulty,
have probably

never been spoken
here or elsewhere.

Thank you, sir.

Yes, i've just gone
through the residue

of the suggestion box

covering the past
three-month period.

And here is
one of your
suggestions

dated
march 13th.

"Make hot dogs flat
so that they can

fit easily into
a hamburger bun."

How about that?

You think
about that now.

"Make tin cans
square

"so they can be
stacked together

more easily in
garbage cans."

Isn't that a gas?

"Put small pontoons
in soldiers' field packs

"so that when
they cross rivers

they can get across
by themselves."

That one is worth
a million bucks.

The soldiers go
into the water...

mr. Mcnulty, cooper
corporation makes

ladies foundation
garments.

It doesn't have anything to do
with hamburgers, hot dogs,

tin cans or
national defense.

And not one of
your 340 suggestions-

i repeat, not one of them-
has anything remotely to do

with this company's product.

Exactly why i want
to talk to you, mr. Cooper.

The key to a successful, modern
business is diversification.

You think about that now.

I have thought about it-
you're fired!

Baseball?
Baseball is nothing.

Soccer is the fastest
sport in the world.

In baseball,
they change sides,

back and forth,
inning after inning.

The whole first period in
soccer, they run, run, run.

England, france, spain,
south america.

Soccer is the fastest sport
in the world.

You think about that now.

Hey, joe,
you know those swinging doors

they got in western saloons-

why don't you
put them in here

and then you can call this
palucci's western saloon.

How about that?

Yeah, how
about that?

I'll have it done
in the morning.

Great! When i come in
i can think, "i did this."

How about that now?

Please,
the ball game.

Home-run hitters
mean nothing.

Come on, fella.

We're trying
to watch.

As to the average
long-ball hitter

compared to a
consistent clutch hitter

with a good average,

i'll take the latter
every time.

Well, that's
very nice of you.

Well, it's a fact.
It's an absolute fact.

Oh, boy, here
we go again.

At no time has
a home-run hitter

led the league
in batting.

Yeah?

Ted williams won
the batting championship

and led the league in home runs
in 1941, '42 and '47.

Exception
to the rule.

Think about that.

The exception
to the rule.

You know something.

There's a ten-inch
television set

in my sister's apartment,
kind that dates back to 1948.

She's got five kids.

The apartment's
a six-floor walkup,

and it's boiling hot.

But i'll tell you-

there's one thing that
apartment don't have

that makes it
all worthwhile.

It don't have mcnulty.

Charlie,
charlie, wait.
Forget it, joe.

Shut it off.
Blabbermouth-
i can't take it.

Ah, you think about.
Hear what i said?

The exception to the rule.

The exception
to the rule.

Let me ask you
something, mcnulty.

How come you're
in here so early?

You've been there for
three and a half hours.

It so happens
i quit my job.

I went into cooper's office
and i read him off.

Don't tell me.

You got canned.

Well, in a manner
of speaking.

You might say... yeah.

We mutually agreed

i wouldn't work
there anymore.

Joe, tell me something.

Wouldn't you think
that after one year

of putting ideas
in that suggestion box,

after one whole year,
that i'd get noticed?

Let me tell
you something.

Getting noticed
and getting liked

are two different things.

What do you know?

Nothing, mcnulty.

Not a thing.

Good night, joe.

Wait a minute.

All i know is

that every night of
every week of every month,

except election day,
you come in here

drive everybody
out of their skull

walking on
your lower lip.

Now, you think
about that.

Will you think
about that?

What do you say?

I say...

"54, 40 or fight."

I also say "damn the torpedoes,
full speed ahead!"

And on occasion, i will say,

"it takes a heap of living
to make a house a home."

Want another beer?

Thank you very much.

I would appreciate
another.

Two more beers,
bartender.

Two beers, big deal.

What's your name?

Potts.

That's not
a bad name.

I was born with it.

Seems to me there
was a third baseman

who used to play for
the phillies named potts.

Lou potts? Phil potts?

It couldn't be botts?

No, it's potts.

Two beers.

You paying
for this, mcnulty?

Because this guy just
gave me his last dime.

This guy is my
friend, mr. Botts.

Potts!

And i'd appreciate

a little respect
from you.

I bet you would.

You getting
respect from me

is about as easy as
flagging down a cab

on 46th and broadway
at 8:00 on new year's eve...

in the rain.

Never mind-
drink up, pal.

What do you want
to talk about?

Want to talk
about baseball?

It's the great american sport,

and i am very happy abner
doubleday saw fit to invent it.

Cheers!

To health, friend.

Down the hatch.

And now to thank you
for your generosity,

i have something
for you.

It's a gift.

A small remembrance
of our friendship.

What is it?

It's a stopwatch-
a old family heirloom.

What do you
do with it?

I mean, it doesn't
keep time.

It's just a stopwatch.

That is a fact.

But it is yours.

You may have it.

What'll i do
with it? Stopwatch.

Well, someday you might
own a racehorse

or you might want
to run the mile

or launch an astronaut.

Well, good-bye, old pal.

Oh...

e pluribus unum.

Toodle-oo,
beertender.

Beertender...

nice clientele.

Your friend.

I wouldn't listen
to my mother.

She wanted me
to be a doctor.

No, i had to
be a wiseguy.

Had to run a beer
joint like this.

Well, you live
and you learn.

Done for the
night, mcnulty?

Everybody's gone,
you happy?

You bored ten
people to death.

You emptied my place

like it had
a smallpox sign out there.

Do me a favor-

whenever you get the thirst,
go to some other bar.

I don't feel much
like going home.

I've seen the movie
onthe late show.

I've even seen the movie
onthe late, late show.

Sometimes i even wish
i was married.

Do you ever get that feeling?

Joe?

Joe.

Hey, why you
standing that way?

Hey, joe,
say something.

You look like
you were frozen.

I was telling you
i was bored

and this crazy gleep
gave me this watch

and i pushed it.

Another
thing-

you make me
nervous.

First, you bore people to death
and then you make me nervous.

I make you nervous?

You know something?

You're the one guy
that makes me wish

they never
repealed
prohibition.

Something tells me
this is a very unusual watch.

And another thing,
mcnulty.

Mcnulty?

I'm over here.

That can't be.

I had too much to drink.

I need some sleep.

It can't be.

It works.

I push the button, i stop
the watch, and i stop the world.

Good morning, wage slaves.

Make way for a free man.

Good morning, doll.

Oh, what's the
suggestion this
time, mcnulty?

If you don't have one,
i've got one for you.

Why don't you jump off a bridge?

Honey doll,
i have a product

that is going to put a dent
in your eyeballs.

What would you say
to a stopwatch

that, when somebody
pushes it,

everything stops
in midair, hmm?

Why don't you run away
and get lost, mcnulty,

or get to the point.

I already have.

Last night,
i'm in joe palucci's bar,

we're sitting around
talking about this and that,

when this funny gleep
gives me this stopwatch.

Without thinking,
i push this button-

this one right here-

and everything stops dead.
Everything.

Think about
that now.

Palucci drops a glass,

the glass hits the floor,
but the glass stops.

Everything stops.

Palucci stops,
trains, subways, goldfish.

Everything stops.
Think about that now, hm?

Goldfish, too, huh?

That's the most
amazing thing i ever heard.

Now, get out of here, will you?

Mm-mm. I came to see cooper.

It is time to diversify.

Oh, now, just a minute.

Mr. Cooper's in conference.

You're right-
he's in conference with mcnulty.

Mr. Cooper,
i'm sorry, sir.

I fired you, mcnulty.

What are you
doing here?

He barged right in.

I couldn't do
anything about it.

Well, he can
barge right out.

Listen, coop...
coop?!

You can't afford to fire me
this time because this time

i've got more than suggestions,
i've got the goods.

You think
about this now.

You figure out
how this stopwatch works,

and you've got a million bucks.

Mcnulty, let me remind you-

we make ladies foundation
garments, nothing else.

Now, do you hear me?

Nothing else.

So i will give you 15 seconds
to leave this room.

Now, get out.

Hey, fred, cup of coffee
for the lady, i'm buying.

I'll buy my
own coffee.

If you're not out
of this office

in one minute, i'll
call the police.

Is that so, honey baby?

It'll take more
than the police.

You'll need the army
and the navy.

How about that crumb?

He didn't even
let me show him.

So what
am i waiting for?

I'll just show him.

Operator, get me...

kitchie-kitchie-coo.

Kitchie-kitchie-cooper.

It's good for a laugh
but there must be

something else i can
do with this thing.

I'll think about it.

...the police.

Uh... never mind, operator.

He's gone.

So you tell our
advertising agents...

hey, joe.
Palucci, all you guys.

Have i got something
to show you.

Well, that takes
care of the game.

This thing is so great
you're not going to believe it.

Mcnulty, make it quick, huh?

Oh, now, listen,
you just pay attention.

Pay attention.

With this little gizmo,

i can stop trains, tanks,
subways, anything.

What about your mouth?

Funny. Funny.

Listen, last night,
i was at the polo grounds.

And right in the middle

of ron hunt's slide
into second base,

i stopped the game.

Yeah,
i stopped the game.

I left my seat,
i ran down on the field,

i grabbed second base,
and i moved it ten feet.

Come on.

Then i went back up
into the stands,

sat down
and started the game again.

And hunt, instead of being out
by ten feet, was safe,

and the mets went on
to win the game

because snider doubled him home.

And that's not the only thing
i can stop with this watch.

I can stop anything- watch.

Well?

Well, how about that now?

How about what?

Are you kidding?

Didn't you see what i did?

Oh, come on, mcnulty,
out of the way.

I want to get home,
get some peace and quiet.

Wait a minute.

Fellas, fellas,
wait a minute.

I'll put the
game on again.

Oh, no...

well, you done it
again, mcnulty.

You emptied my place.

You drive more guys
out of saloons

than carry nation.

I get it.
I get it.

Of course you guys didn't see-
you were frozen.

I'm the only one who knows.

I'm the only one.

Huh. How about that.

The greatest conversation piece
in the world- the greatest-

and what does it do?

It stops conversation.

I'm closing up in a few minutes,

so it shouldn't be a total loss,
you better order up.

Beer.

Beer!

Don't you ever order
anything expensive?

Beer.

And drink it fast,
will you?

'Cause the combination
of you, the hot weather,

and my business
recession

is more than i can
take in one day.

Give it time.
Give it time.

Give me a heart attack
sometime, will you, mcnulty?

Leave a tip.

Hey, palucci, come here.

Look at me.

What are you, some
kind of a sadist?

You know what
you're looking at?

A jerk, a nut.

You want to stop there
or try for moron?

Why do i want this thing? Why?

Because i want a little notice,
that's why.

I'm not ashamed to admit that.

And i'll tell you
something else.

When john d. Rockefeller
steps out of a car,

why do people want
to shake his hand?

I'll bite.

Because he's loaded.

Because he's got cash, loot,
lettuce, the old mazoo.

That's why people want to shake
john d. Rockefeller's hand.

J.b. Morgan walks
into a restaurant...
j.p.

J.p. Morgan walks
into a restaurant,

the head waiter
breaks his back

to get a table ready.

You know why?
I'll tell you why.

I figured you would.

Because he's loaded, that's why.

You think about that.

And then you
think about this.

As of tomorrow evening,
mcnulty is going to be loaded.

Palucci, take
a good look

at the old mcnulty.

The next time
you see me,

it'll be the
new mcnulty.

Why don't you go
the whole route

and move
to honolulu?

Tomorrow i'll be able
to buy honolulu!

May i?

Thank you.

Oh, no.

Come on, everyone.

Move! Move!

Come on, everybody.

Up, up, move!

Do something.

Come on, everybody,
say something.

Walk, hey!

Come on, everybody, move.

Hey, fellas,
look, i didn't mean it.

I'll have it fixed.

Oh, please, come on, wake up.

Mr. Cooper...

mr. Cooper?

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry,
i didn't mean it.

Please, understand.

Charlie, i'm sorry i bugged you.

It's not my fault.

I didn't do any... oh, no!

Charlie, move.

Lady...

Please, say something.

joe...

joe?

Move!

Joe, say something.

Do something, move.

Joe, insult me.

I won't come here anymore.

I won't make noise.

I won't drive people away.

Honest, joe, move.

Oh, you, mister,
please, say something.

I'm sorry i took the money.

I don't care about the money.

All i want is to hear people
say something again

and to see people moving again.

Oh, doesn't anybody know how
to make this thing work again?

Someone, help!

Help me!

Please, somebody move!

Talk, say something! Help!

Mr. Patrick thomas mcnulty
who had a gift of time.

He used it and he misused it

and now he's just been
handed the bill.

Tonight's tale of motion and
mcnulty- in the twilight zone.