Louis C.K - Cunt & Nigger

Louis C.K - Cunt & Nigger from chewed up

So... "faggot". You know...

A lot of words that are -

They're not bad words. No words are bad.

But some people start using them a lot to hurt other people, and they become bad.

They become hard to use.

There's words that I love that I can't use because other people use them wrong.

To hurt other people.

Like, the word "cunt", is a beautiful word. To me, there's just beauty in that word.

And I don't - I mean aesthetically.

It has -- It's like, chocolatey, and round on the ends!

I just like the -- "CUNT" -- I just like the way it sounds!

And I don't use it as an insult. I'm, like alone in the laundry.

I'm like "cunt... cunt..." I just like saying it!

I would never call a woman a cunt. Except for my mom, because she likes it for some weird reason...

But... It's a very misused word.

It's supposed to mean "vagina", which I don't think works at all.

Because vaginas are so sweet! They're little pretty things!

With little flower petal-y lips!

I hear a piccolo in my head every time I see a vagina!

Doodle-doodle-doo, doodle-doo!

Even "vagina" is too harsh! They should be called, like, a "falalalalala"!

(Vocalises)

There should be a butterfly fluttering around every vagina all the time!

Just all the time! A little butterfly.

You go to the doctor, and he's like, "Well, the butterfly looks good, so we're in good shape."

Good color to the butterfly.

How do you look at something that pretty and say "That's a CUNT!" ?

It doesn't fit at all.

Maybe if it was a giant vagina that was attacking a town.

And throwing buses around and knocking over telephone poles.

Then you could say, "Hey, somebody shoot that cunt with a bazooka!"

It's gonna step on the candy store!

So, "faggot", "cunt"...

Everybody has different words that offend them. Different things they hear that they get offended by.

To me, the thing that offends me the most is every time I hear "the N word".

Not "nigger", by the way. I mean "the N word". Literally.

Whenever a white lady on CNN with nice hair says "the N word"...

That's just white people getting away with saying "nigger".

That's all that is. They've found a way to say "nigger". "N word"!

It's bullshit, cause when you say "the N word", you put the word "nigger" in the listener's head!

That's what saying a word is!

You say "the N word", and I think "Oh, she means nigger".

You're making me say it! In my head!

Why don't YOU fucking say it instead...

and take responsibility for the shitty words you want to say?

Just say it! Don't hide behind the first letter like a faggot! Just...

...say "nigger", you stupid cunt!

I don't know, I... I don't care.

Somebody'll kick my ass.

I mean, all this shit goes on in my head. I don't...

really, like... I thought the word "nigger" the other say. I'm gonna tell you this story...

And it wasn't racist! It wasn't even a race connotation!

Let me tell you what happened. I went into a coffee place...

Like a cool, indie coffee --

I don't like Starbucks anymore. Because you go there, and they don't care anymore.

They just press a button, and some old lady's diarrhea comes out, and they just give it to you.

So I go to a young people, cool coffee place.

With, like, "My band's playing" notices on the walls...

And it's called, like, "The Howling... Doooo" whatever thing....

The dude behind the counter's got a tight T-shirt and a ponytail, and he's like...

"Hey, what's up, man?"

And I was like, "Hey, can I get a cappuccino?"

And he's like, "Yeah! Right on! Totally!"

Like, he's amazed that he can help me. Like...

"Oh, yeah! I got all this stuff right here! That's awesome!"

And so, he starts making my coffee, just so... he works so hard!

He ground the beans, just for that one cup!

And put them in the thing, and he tamped them with this old thing...

And he... "Click clackity click"!

And then he took the milk and he frothed it... for, like, an hour!

And then he banged it on the counter... I don't know why. It was awesome!

And he scooped it in, and put a little cocoa on it....

And he's like, "Here you go, man!"

And I was just blown away!

And for some reason, as I left, the thought in my head was...

"That nigger made the shit out of my coffee!"

He wasn't black! That's just what was in my heart for some reason.

Was "That nigger made the shit out of my coffee"...

I don't know.

And I don't care.