-
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[Audience chattering.]
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Good afternoon!
-
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I am Reinaldo Garcia.
-
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And you are the audience.
-
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[Laughter, applause.]
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Okay! Um,
turn off all cel phones, please.
-
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And, we're in a residential
neighborhood,
-
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so, no drag racing down the streets
of quiet Carmel, when we leave.
-
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The show is about an hour and
10 minutes long.
-
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There is some harsh language
in the piece, okay?
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I'll be taking confessionals
in my booth over here,
-
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after the plays are over,
-
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[Audience chuckles]
-
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if anybody wants
to unburden their hearts, okay?
-
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So, welcome to "Dream Butchers."
-
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[Applause.]
-
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PLACE HOLDER
-
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[Acoustic guitars]
-
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[Sings] You crawled across dry thorns
-
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and chewed cut glass.
-
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Please come through my door,
lay down on the grass.
-
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[Guitar phrase]
-
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I don't care where you've been,
in the dark side of town.
-
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Your history might be shameful.
-
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I will always let you in,
I will never let you down.
-
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[Guitar chords]
-
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I'm entertaining angels.
-
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[Acoustic guitars]
-
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Now you're down on your luck,
your spirits broke.
-
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I see your beggar's cup
filled with busted hope.
-
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Let this new day begin,
before the sun goes down.
-
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I'll know I served an angel.
-
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I will always let you in,
I will never let you down.
-
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I'm entertaining angels.
-
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[Guitar flourish.]
-
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Hello, stranger. Drop your things.
Come on in.
-
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There's no danger.
I see the wings beneath your skin.
-
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I am no holy man.
Just a human
-
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who must obey the plan
for a communion.
-
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It's a mortal sin
if I would renounce a man
-
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whose life is painful.
-
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I will always let you in,
I will never let you down.
-
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Because I'm entertaining you angels.
-
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[Guitar flourish.]
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[End chord holds.]
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[Applause.]
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[Spoken] I played baseball
in 2 different baseball leagues around town.
-
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And I also umpire, uh, baseball.
-
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And our opening piece,
"Low and Inside,"
-
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is about a local man
-
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uh, whose career,
whose professional career was destroyed.
-
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But there is a romance to baseball.
-
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And I wrote this song up in the
San Jose Giants stadium.
-
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Uh, I recommend going to
Minor League baseball.
-
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You get right up next to the players.
-
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They are the future stars of the game.
-
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It's really exhilarating to me.
-
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So, I wrote this song,
as the players were warming up.
-
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It's called
"The Church of Baseball."
-
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[Cheerful acoustic guitars]
-
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The ground crew rakes the infield,
they line the batter's box with lime.
-
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Then they spray the baselines,
dust it down 'til players take the field.
-
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The church of baseball.
Warm in summer air.
-
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The church of baseball.
It's all prepared.
-
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Now the players stretch and run.
Boys of summer filled with dreams.
-
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The fan girls scream.
The local boy warms up in the sun.
-
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The church of baseball.
Blesses all the minor leagues.
-
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The church of baseball.
It'll last for centuries.
-
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Local talent sings the anthem.
Out of tune loudspeakers squeal.
-
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Now the home team takes the field.
Bonus babies, tall and handsome.
-
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The church of baseball.
It's a sacred space.
-
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The church of baseball.
Steal a base.
-
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For Willie, and Maury,
Even Ricky Henderson too.
-
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The church of baseball,
It welcomes you.
-
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[Guitar flourish.]
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"Low and Inside."
[Applause.]
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[Announcer] I get it.
-
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Baseball is a historical game.
I like to compare different things,
-
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compare different eras.
-
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But how in the world, John Ruck,
can you compare a guy
-
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getting all these hits in Japan,
and then add it up with the Majors,
-
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and then say he truly hit
came from a paper on point. You can't.
-
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The people should know.
What he has done is incredible.
-
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To say he has passed Pete Rose,
as all time hit leader, we can't do that.
-
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[Announcer voices continue.]
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Hey Neal.
[Drunkenly mumbles.]
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Uh. Hm. Uh.
[Laughs.]
-
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Gimme a 7 & 7.
And go easy on the 7-Up.
-
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Would you turn down the --
turn the TV off?
-
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I gotta give a reason?
I been comin' here for 5, 6 years?
-
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Because! I don't wanna
see, hear, or read about baseball.
-
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[?]
-
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And another, por favor.
-
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No tab tonight.
-
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I'm leavin' no debts.
-
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You remember Jason?
Big, body builder type?
-
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Yeah! With the rash down his neck.
-
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You know any hit men?
Ahh, just kidding.
-
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I think. You remember Roosevelt?
Fat guy, with a face like a badger?
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He went over big time.
-
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R - R - Rosie?
Neal. You live upstairs.
-
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There's nobody here.
Can I stay a while?
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Gracias, mi amigo.
-
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Ahhh. [Exhales.]
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You know me.
I'm a friendly guy, right?
-
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So does professional baseball.
-
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It was in Marietta, Georgia.
Pre-season sessions.
-
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Director of officials tells me
I've been elevated to crew chief.
-
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Working beside of me,
two guys with me.
-
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Jason Olivetti, and
Roosevelt Truman.
-
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"Jason Olivetti!" I said.
"Oh no. No, no."
-
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"I heard he's a piece of work."
-
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"Rico!" he says.
"You're the kind of
-
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natural-born leader
who can get along with anybody."
-
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"Mentor the kid."
-
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Them's my marching orders.
-
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Two years away from the
Majors, a lifelong dream. Hmm.
-
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Through Berman, Chatanooga, Jackson,
Pensacola, Knoxville, Montgomery.
-
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Mobile, Cogsville. Athletes!
Dripping testosterone and doubt.
-
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Adonises driven by a dream.
And, there I am. Deep within it.
-
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Benevolent, dispensing justice.
Witnessing brilliance.
-
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John Smokes. Matt Holliday.
Juan Fiera. Ah! Ahh.
-
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A cavalcade of future stars.
Passing through my station
-
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on their way to immortality.
-
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The baseball field is a timeless Eden.
-
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And, into my crew chief's ear
slithered Jason Olivetti.
-
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Dwelling in a body stocking of a rash.
-
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You know it even discolored his weiner?
-
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Yes! I looked.
Ahhhh.
-
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Don't be naive, Neal.
Everybody looks.
-
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Ahhh. Ehhhh. [Laughs.]
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Ahh. [Exhales.]
-
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You know....
I...I...I....
-
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Taking charge of a ball field
was just -- almost second nature for me.
-
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I was a catcher in college.
Field General. I ran the pitchers.
-
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Directed the fielders. Worked the arms.
-
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And when I wasn't drafted,
I went to umpire school.
-
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Vero Beach, Florida.
Dodger Town. Heh-heh.
-
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Ahh. Sailed right through.
Through rookies. Single ed.
-
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By my 3rd year, I was already crew chief.
Two guys under me.
-
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In a [?] applied by the Majors.
First class hotels all through the South.
-
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Ha-ha! The future World Series ump!
-
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Tell me...tell me.
How does a guy who gets along
-
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with everybody, grow to hate a man?
-
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Who the mere sight of
provokes nausea and vomiting? Eh?
-
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Jason was a -- a strapping farm boy
who was seduced by big city ambition.
-
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Prostitutes. Marijuana. Hm?
Ah! I'll show you what I mean.
-
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We checked into a hotel.
-
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During dinner, Jason is flirting
with the waitress.
-
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Flirting. Ha. How's about this.
-
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[Hick accent] "That was one fine meal!
Mmm- mmm - mmm!
-
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But it lacked some spice.
-
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Why don't you come up to my room later,
and let me taste your pussy?"
-
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[Audience groans.]
-
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[His own voice again]
Then, they were down at the front desk.
-
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Proclaiming, bitching that his towels
were not white enough.
-
Not Synced
He would weiner-wag the maid,
when he came out of the shower.
-
Not Synced
Couple of times, he came back to his room
to find it ransacked.
-
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Well deserved, I'd say.
-
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Hm? Oh, on the diamond?
Okay.
-
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Jason's behind the ditch, right?
Guy gets a home run.
-
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As he's circling the bases,
Jason picks up the bat,
-
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and leans on it, like Mister Peanut
leaning on his cane.
-
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Right on home plate! Hmm?!
Ahh.
-
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No, he never smoked it in the van.
-
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It was just the idea of driving through
the South, with my protege,
-
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holding grass -- terrified me!
-
Not Synced
No. Nooo, no. I could never report him.
-
Not Synced
You have no idea what it would do
to my reputation.
-
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[Laughs] And his taste in music.
-
Not Synced
We had -- we had a rule.
-
Not Synced
The guy behind the wheel
chooses the tunes. Hmm?
-
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Jason wouldn't be out --
we wouldn't be out of the parking lot,
-
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the hotel parking lot,
not 5 minutes.
-
Not Synced
Jason slides in his
'Greatest Hits of the '70s' CD.
-
Not Synced
"Afternoon Delight."
"Summer Breeze."
-
Not Synced
Da-da-da da-da-da
-
Not Synced
"Blowin' through the jasmine
of my mind."
-
Not Synced
"One Toke Over the Line."
-
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From Mobile to Jackson!
-
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Jason is the reason I drink
these 7 & 7s.
-
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This official beverage of choice.
-
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I, I enjoyed them, to -- to
establish rapport.
-
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Roosevelt, too.
Drank in the back seat.
-
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Tapping away at his [bleep]ing
iPhone.
-
Not Synced
Watching porn.
Aiming the camera at the front seat.
-
Not Synced
Making what he calls his
'POV dramalogue.'
-
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Ahhh.
-
Not Synced
Okay. So. So! So.
-
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We are in 'bama now.
-
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The Barons pitted against
their arch-rivals, Huntsville Stars.
-
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Battling for the title.
Two games left.
-
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Two games,
and Jason is out of my life!
-
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Yeah.
The Barons, and the Stars.
-
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Huge rivals. Mutual hate.
-
Not Synced
So.
-
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It all comes down to two outs,
bottom of the 9th, bases loaded.
-
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Barons down 3.
-
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22 year old defector Cuban.
22 year old Cuba defector Oscar Morales
-
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is a 5'2" phenom.
-
Not Synced
Already, he has tripled, and stolen home.
-
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Now, he slides to the plate,
with a hit on the line.
-
Not Synced
Huntsville pitcher launches a fast ball.
-
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Inside and low.
-
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Ball one.
-
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The catcher --
the wisecracking, Polack misfit
-
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Anje Prozinski,
asks for a clean one.
-
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"Gimme a ball you can see."
-
Not Synced
Hm? Of course! I tossed him!
-
Not Synced
The guy turns on me.
Huntsville keeper leaps out of the dugout,
-
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restraining Prozinski with one hand,
and screaming for an explanation.
-
Not Synced
"I dunno what the guy said."
-
Not Synced
"You're not allowed to argue
balls and strikes. You know that."
-
Not Synced
The manager looks at this catcher.
Says, "you say that?"
-
Not Synced
"Yeah. Hey. If Blue-Hair grew an eye,
he'd be a Cyclops."
-
Not Synced
Huntsville manager nearly breaks his ribs,
he's laughing so hard.
-
Not Synced
The fans are going ape-shit.
The pitcher comes in to the ditch.
-
Not Synced
Jason and Roosevelt run up
to restore order. Hmm. Ugghhh.
-
Not Synced
I'm coming to it. Gimme a sec.
Wait a minute.
-
Not Synced
And then, the pitcher says,
-
Not Synced
"Hey, Blue. We know you're blind.
We've seen your wife."
-
Not Synced
Just a minute here.
I'm coming to that.
-
Not Synced
Okay. Now, back to the game.
-
Not Synced
Okay. So. The pitcher, the new pitcher
delivers a rising fast ball.
-
Not Synced
Morales fouls it back, knocks off my mask.
I go down to my knees.
-
Not Synced
Someone in the Stars dugout yells,
-
Not Synced
"Hey, Blue! Get up off your knees!
You're BLOWING the game!"
-
Not Synced
I go over to the Huntsville dugout.
I give 'em the 'stink eye.'
-
Not Synced
That settles them down.
-
Not Synced
Next pitch, Morales slams
way down the right field line.
-
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Fouled by inches.
Counts one and two.
-
Not Synced
Next pitch a slider, outside.
-
Not Synced
But Morales, already, you know,
what we call a professional hitter,
-
Not Synced
fouls off the next five pitches
before taking a ball
-
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millimeters over the plate.
-
Not Synced
The new catcher goes,
"Hey Blue!"
-
Not Synced
I go, "Ah-ah!
One peep out of you,
-
Not Synced
you shower with your friend."
-
Not Synced
Guy goes, "Peep!"
-
Not Synced
I swallow it.
-
Not Synced
Morales fouls off
the next 3 pitches too.
-
Not Synced
Eh? Good -- good hitter?
You better believe it.
-
Not Synced
OK. So, now...
-
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So now, the Huntsville pitcher
hangs a curve.
-
Not Synced
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
-
Not Synced
Morales drools.
-
Not Synced
He spins on it!
-
Not Synced
And launches the ball
high into the Alabama night.
-
Not Synced
The crowd leaps as one,
-
Not Synced
as the ball is
Pensacola-bound.
-
Not Synced
Walk off Grand Slam!
-
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[?] by a run.
-
Not Synced
Hm-hm!
-
Not Synced
Me and my crew,
we have to pass
-
Not Synced
the Visitors' dugout
to exit the field.
-
Not Synced
The losing pitcher
comes up behind me.
-
Not Synced
"Hey! Lucky you don't have
an ERA, Blue.
-
Not Synced
Those runs are yours!"
-
Not Synced
So.
-
Not Synced
So we have a game
the next day.
-
Not Synced
No time to shower.
We have to go to Jackson.
-
Not Synced
We pile into the van,
Jason behind the wheel.
-
Not Synced
[Sings] "Sky rockets in flight!
Afternoon -- "
-
Not Synced
Jason starts to dig in.
-
Not Synced
"Hey, Rico.
That 2 strike call on Morales.
-
Not Synced
That was strike 3."
-
Not Synced
"Jason," I said.
-
Not Synced
"That ball was so far outside,
it had a hat and a coat on.
-
Not Synced
Could you turn it down a bit?"
-
Not Synced
I look in the back,
at Roosevelt, for some support.
-
Not Synced
Roosevelt is aiming
his iPhone at us.
-
Not Synced
Another chapter in his
on the road documentary.
-
Not Synced
Jason digs in deeper.
-
Not Synced
"Hey, Rico.
You -- You Latinos
-
Not Synced
look out after each other,
don'tcha?
-
Not Synced
What, did Morales
slip you some pesos?
-
Not Synced
Huh? Huh? One gone call
tips the championship.
-
Not Synced
I thought only horses
slept standing up."
-
Not Synced
"Alright, Jason. That's enough."
-
Not Synced
"You guys," Roosevelt says,
"been goin' at it for 4 solid months.
-
Not Synced
Since opening day. Why don't you both
settle it like men?"
-
Not Synced
"Just a minute, here. Just a minute."
-
Not Synced
Hey -- gimme another 7 and 7, huh?
-
Not Synced
Anyway --
-
Not Synced
I'm trying every umpire's trick
to NOT listen.
-
Not Synced
One more game left!
-
Not Synced
And then I notice.
We're going in a circle.
-
Not Synced
I say "Jason, you do have
the directions? Right?"
-
Not Synced
And he says, Jason says,
"Uh, I ran out of rolling papers."
-
Not Synced
"Uh, built me a doobie
out of the directions."
-
Not Synced
"Up in smoke!"
-
Not Synced
I said, "Jason, go straight.
At the lights, turn right.
-
Not Synced
That will lead you onto
highway 20 on ramp to Atlanta."
-
Not Synced
"Man who doesn't know his way
around a strike zone,
-
Not Synced
giving me directions?"
-
Not Synced
"Hmmm. Hey! Slip me some pesos,
and I'll consider it."
-
Not Synced
"Hey Rico! Next time
you're behind the dish,
-
Not Synced
bend over.
Call the game with your good eye."
-
Not Synced
Roosevelt is breaking up
in the back seat.
-
Not Synced
"Four solid months. You two
should form a comedy team."
-
Not Synced
"Ahh, getting caught in a
wetback conspiracy, Roosevelt
-
Not Synced
is no laughing matter."
-
Not Synced
"Hey, maybe -- maybe Rico
would call a more accurate game,
-
Not Synced
if home plate were shaped like
a tortilla."
-
Not Synced
I'm staying cool.
-
Not Synced
"Hey Rico! Yo Rico, I'm your daddy.
Hitchhiked to Salinas once,
-
Not Synced
and [bleeped] your mother,
in a lettuce field."
-
Not Synced
"OK. OK, listen.
One more crack,
-
Not Synced
I'll wreck your career."
-
Not Synced
"Crack? Your mamacita's
tasted like guacamole."
-
Not Synced
"Whoa, you gonna take that,
Rico?"
-
Not Synced
"I just about had enough
of you, Rico.
-
Not Synced
Let's settle this like men."
-
Not Synced
Jasmine is blowing through
our minds.
-
Not Synced
Jason pulls the van over,
under the streetlight.
-
Not Synced
He rips open the driver's door.
-
Not Synced
Races around
the back of the van.
-
Not Synced
And I've got blood in my eyes.
-
Not Synced
He yanks open the passenger door,
-
Not Synced
and before he could remove his hand,
I clocked him, with a solid left to the jaw.
-
Not Synced
Jason grabs my arm,
and the Oklahoma farm boy
-
Not Synced
slings me out,
under the street light.
-
Not Synced
We are tussling like wildcats.
-
Not Synced
The guy has got 100 pounds on me.
-
Not Synced
Roosevelt is filming the whole thing
on his iPhone.
-
Not Synced
Thirty seconds later...
-
Not Synced
it's over.
-
Not Synced
We get back in the van,
-
Not Synced
and pull into Jacksonville,
just before dawn.
-
Not Synced
Not a word spoken
the whole way.
-
Not Synced
A week later,
our little altercation
-
Not Synced
shows up on You Tube.
-
Not Synced
"Posted anonymously."
-
Not Synced
ESPN runs it.
-
Not Synced
Jason and I are released.
-
Not Synced
Fired.
-
Not Synced
Roosevelt's on his way
to the Big Show.
-
Not Synced
What am I gonna do here?
-
Not Synced
What am I gonna do.
-
Not Synced
[Applause.]
-
Not Synced
[Peppy guitars.]
-
Not Synced
[Sings] I did not rise up
from the mire
-
Not Synced
to be cast into
the lake of fire.
-
Not Synced
I am proud to be
an outlaw.
-
Not Synced
What I am
is plain to God.
-
Not Synced
Doesn't matter
what you sacrificed.
-
Not Synced
We'll all appear before the
judgment seat of Christ.
-
Not Synced
[Guitars]
-
Not Synced
I did not rise up
from the mire
-
Not Synced
to be cast into
the lake of fire.
-
Not Synced
Live by faith,
not by sight.
-
Not Synced
All that's mortal
swallowed up by life.
-
Not Synced
So that each of us
will receive
-
Not Synced
what is due us,
wheat or chaff.
-
Not Synced
For all the things done
while in the body
-
Not Synced
whether good or bad.
-
Not Synced
[Guitars]
-
Not Synced
The Kingdom soon will come.
-
Not Synced
Exploding with the sun.
-
Not Synced
All my loved ones
melding into one,
-
Not Synced
'cause the kingdom
soon will come.
-
Not Synced
[Guitar scales duo]
-
Not Synced
I did not rise up
from the mire
-
Not Synced
to be cast into
the lake of fire.
-
Not Synced
I will live forever more.
-
Not Synced
On the Armageddon shore.
-
Not Synced
[Guitars]
-
Not Synced
Seven seals,
Seven trumpets.
-
Not Synced
Seven vials,
Seven cursed digits.
-
Not Synced
Seven dooms,
Seven new things.
-
Not Synced
For the angels.
-
Not Synced
[Guitars]
-
Not Synced
I did not rise up
from the mire
-
Not Synced
to be cast into
the lake of fire.
-
Not Synced
I am proud to be
an outlaw.
-
Not Synced
What I am...
-
Not Synced
is plain...to...God.
[Guitar strum]
-
Not Synced
[Applause]
-
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[Screams]
-
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[Screams, panicked breathing]
[Bell ringing]
-
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You really did it this time, Harriet.
-
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Just had to leave the fold,
didn't you?
-
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You had it all.
Plenty of green grass,
-
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a haircut every spring.
-
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Three swell dogs,
and the friendliest shepherd
-
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this side of Bo Peep.
-
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Real friendly.
Was old Harriet satisfied?
-
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Nooo. [Bleats]
[Audience laughs]
-
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Had to leave the herd!
Big tough gal, huh, Harriet?
-
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[Wolf howls]
-
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What am I gonna do?
-
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[Wolf howls]
-
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[Wolf laughs]
Alright, mutton head.
-
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Where ya be? [Sniffs around]
I knows you out here somewheres.
-
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Hoo! All this runnin' 'round
makes a fella dog-tired.
-
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Why don't I just lay these here
bones up against this boulder,
-
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and catch my breath?
-
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[Wolf sighs] Heyyy.
That feels nice-like.
-
Not Synced
Wonder where my dinner
ran off to?
-
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Probably cowering
behind one of these rocks.
-
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I'll catch her.
And when I do!
-
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Should I make it...
mutton stew?
-
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Or leg o' lamb,
or just eat her raw?
-
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Mutton! Ain't had no sheep
for the whole month!
-
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[?]
-
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Whoo! Brings out the beast in me.
-
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[Wolf pants]
Zippedy-doo-da!
-
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Zip! [Sheep yelps]
Ah-dee-ay!
-
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My, oh, my!
What a wonderful day!
-
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Plenty o' moonshine
headin' MY way!
-
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Oh-ho-ho yeah-eh!
Oh-ho, YEAH-eh!
-
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[Howls loudly]
-
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Hey, what's this?
A earthquake?
-
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Wellllllll, I'll be.
That you, mutton head?
-
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Ohhh! Please, Mr. Wolf.
Go find someone else.
-
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I was just out
munching clover...
-
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That's enough of that,
little girl.
-
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How many times you been warned
'bout movin' out on your own?
-
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Look. I only eat the old,
and the sick.
-
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I got my code.
-
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So gimme a break with
the sob story,
-
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'cause I ain't ate
in a week, little girl.
-
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Don't call me that!
-
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I may be on the meek side,
but I am not little.
-
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Maybe I will end up
in your belly.
-
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BUT! Not before
I account for myself.
-
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[Bell rings]
-
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[Wolf laughs]
-
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Now, don't that
beat all!
-
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Full moon's got in your
blood too, eh little lady?
-
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Yeah! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
-
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[Wolf laughs mockingly]
-
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Uh-oh. A fightin' back.
Well I'll be darned.
-
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Ow!
-
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Oh I didn't mean it!
Oh, please don't get mad.
-
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Ow! You little moron!
-
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Don'tcha know
you could get hurt doin' that?
-
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I dunno what's come over me.
-
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[Wolf grunts and groans]
-
Not Synced
One day I'm munching clover,
and the next, I'm --
-
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pugilizing with canis lupus.
-
Not Synced
Pugilizin'?! Sounds weird.
-
Not Synced
Tradin' blows?
Fisticuffs?
-
Not Synced
Tusslin'? Dukin' it out?
Goin' ten --
-
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Alright! Enough with the words!
-
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You gonna make a run for it,
or what?
-
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I got important things
to attend to!
-
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With very important wolves.
-
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You're kidding.
-
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Whatta ya mean?
Whatta ya mean?
-
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I tell ya, I'm in a hurry.
-
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Why, me and some friends,
I -- I --
-
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What? What's wrong?
-
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Nothin'! Gol durn it.
-
Not Synced
What? What about your friends?
Is something wrong?
-
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Full moon's got me talkin' funny.
-
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No, no, something's wrong.
I can sense it.
-
Not Synced
I'm very attuned
to the emotional manifestations
-
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of my fellow beings.
Something's awry.
-
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Nothin' crunchin' your bones
won't fix!
-
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Your friends?
What about your friends?
-
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Big Shots.
Every one of 'em.
-
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Leaders of the pack!
-
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Take me with you!
-
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Oh, this is the adventure
I've always dreamed of!
-
Not Synced
Shee-oot! What's this
gol-dang world coming to?
-
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Now, listen.
If you don't start runnin' or fightin'
-
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right quick, I'm gonna get ornery.
Then you'll really be sorry!
-
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It's your last chance!
-
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Let me meet 'em.
I can tell 'em some
-
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friendly shepherd jokes.
-
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I got this one about an
'embraceable ewe'
-
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that'll put 'em in stitches.
-
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Alright, alright, alright.
I know when my leg's being pulled.
-
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Now, look.
If I brought you back with me,
-
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well, I'd get laughed out
of the pack.
-
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You're afraid to be alone?
-
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Big stud wolf,
afraid to be alone?
-
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Can't face up to his own
reflection in the watering hole?
-
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I am alone!
-
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I ain't got no friends, OK?
Ya happy now?
-
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I was kicked out for in -- uh --
in -- uh --
-
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infedulity!
-
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Infidelity?
-
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Yep. She's not my woman.
-
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All wolves in the wild are women,
usually.
-
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But, when the pups came along,
it was bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
-
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The good times stopped,
and one thing led to another,
-
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and one night, I raised a ruckus
with one of the younger ones.
-
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Got thrown out on my ear.
-
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You're an outsider.
A 'lone wolf.'
-
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As lonely as they come.
-
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Oh, I get it!
-
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Tryin' to get on my good side,
with sympathy, aren't ya?
-
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Hey, I'm onto you, sweetheart!
-
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You gotta get up pretty early
in the mornin' to fool Lupe.
-
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darn, I told ya my name!
-
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Why'd I go and
tell you my name?
-
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Guadalupe?
-
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No, Loopy. Like....
-
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Hi. I'm Harriet.
-
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And you're an outlaw.
-
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A savage desert denizen,
traveling fast -- traveling light.
-
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Exacting and giving no quarter.
-
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Content to let the buffalo chips
fall where they may.
-
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Taking as it comes, day by day.
-
Not Synced
Your only friend: your wily wolf wit.
-
Not Synced
I've always admired your kind, Loopy!
-
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Why, in my younger years,
I rather fancied myself a black sheep.
-
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Sort of a...maverick in mohair?
-
Not Synced
Marching to the tinkle of my own bell?
-
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'Til one day it all went grey,
and I settled in.
-
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You told me YOUR name?!
-
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Why'd you have to go and
tell me YOUR name?!
-
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[?] ain't got no name.
-
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[Vulture caws]
-
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What's that?!
-
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What's what?
-
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[Vulture caws]
-
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That noise!
-
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Oh, THAT noise.
Just --
-
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[Vulture caws]
-
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a garden variety
turkey vulture.
-
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Don't be scared.
-
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[Vulture caws]
-
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They've never attacked
anything alive.
-
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No he waits in line,
all polite-like, 'til
-
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the original killers
have had our fill.
-
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Then, after I slink off,
and let the stomach do its job,
-
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on the FRESH meat --
-
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[Vulture caws]
-
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them vultures fill their entrails
on the carcass.
-
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Only when the stench of the
rotten flesh will make a horse fly puke
-
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does your vulture move in.
-
Not Synced
See? Everybody's
got his way of doin' things.
-
Not Synced
Relaaaaax.
-
Not Synced
That vulture don't concern you.
-
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YET.
-
Not Synced
Loopy? I love you.
-
Not Synced
Love? LOVE?!
-
Not Synced
Come on, girl!
-
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That's just your way of saying
you think you're better than me.
-
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That's not true!
-
Not Synced
You have many --
fine qualities.
-
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Courageous hunter?
-
Not Synced
Intrepid explorer?
-
Not Synced
Rugged individualist?
-
Not Synced
Hmm --
-
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The frontier spirit incarnate.
-
Not Synced
Why, with --
-
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with just a few lessons
in philosophy,
-
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in etiquette,
in personal hygiene --
-
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I think it --
-
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[GROWLS ANGRILY]
-
Not Synced
No, hy-GIENE.
-
Not Synced
Cleanliness?
-
Not Synced
It's next to Godliness?
-
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Except for you,
it's next to impossible.
-
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[Wolf growls]
-
Not Synced
Anyway!
-
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It's just a few lessons --
in rhetoric, in elocution.
-
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And a dash --
just a teensy dash --
-
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of political analysis thrown in.
-
Not Synced
Incisive, five week --
-
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Alright!
-
Not Synced
Listen, fleece bag.
-
Not Synced
My empty stomach says
tea time is over.
-
Not Synced
Let's cut the chit chat,
and proceed to the heart of the menu.
-
Not Synced
Move! Make a run for it,
before I lose my temper
-
Not Synced
and get VIOLENT!
-
Not Synced
I've been outfoxed.
-
Not Synced
I can run no more.
-
Not Synced
I'm big enough to admit
to your superiority
-
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in the scheme of things.
-
Not Synced
Crush these feeble limbs
in your bear-trap jaws.
-
Not Synced
Better that, than to grow flabby
in some meadow.
-
Not Synced
Do me this favor.
-
Not Synced
Son of a...buzzard.
-
Not Synced
Please!
-
Not Synced
End my squalid existence.
-
Not Synced
Make wolf-flesh of my marrow.
-
Not Synced
Gorge on me, that I may be
transformed.
-
Not Synced
But! What's in it for you?
-
Not Synced
Immediate gratification?
And then what?
-
Not Synced
Inside of a week,
you'll be on the prowl again.
-
Not Synced
A pathetic slobbering beast
with only one thing on its tiny mind.
-
Not Synced
Enslaved by a hunger
which has no end.
-
Not Synced
All I wanted was a square meal.
-
Not Synced
Ohhhh.
Loopy, I love you.
-
Not Synced
I want to help you.
-
Not Synced
The only way you could help me
would be by committin' suicide
-
Not Synced
and servin' yourself upon a platter!
-
Not Synced
Loopy, I know things.
-
Not Synced
All those years in the sweet
and boring clover,
-
Not Synced
I was thinking!
Watching the sun rise,
-
Not Synced
and set,
sniffing the blue air.
-
Not Synced
Seeing the stars at night.
-
Not Synced
Feeling the change of the seasons.
-
Not Synced
White winters huddled in the barn.
Green springtime. Blazing summer.
-
Not Synced
Smoky autumn. All the while,
I'm thinking.
-
Not Synced
I started wondering why
everything is the way it is.
-
Not Synced
And, the more I wondered why
the less I saw the majesty around me.
-
Not Synced
But I couldn't stop the wondering!
-
Not Synced
One day, as the little ones
were led off to the blade, it hit me.
-
Not Synced
It hit ya?
-
Not Synced
The reason for everything!
-
Not Synced
Huh?
-
Not Synced
Why we're here.
-
Not Synced
Why these rocks are hard
and still warm, even as moonshine
-
Not Synced
coats them in silver.
-
Not Synced
Why meadow grass
is green and slick.
-
Not Synced
Why rain and snow make rivers.
-
Not Synced
Why wolves love mutton?
-
Not Synced
Why wolves love mutton.
-
Not Synced
And why you won't eat me.
-
Not Synced
I won't?
-
Not Synced
Nope! You won't.
-
Not Synced
But -- if I eat you, wouldn't I
automatically know these things?
-
Not Synced
I hear flatworms do that way.
-
Not Synced
One of the elders of the pack
were tellin' us about a "experiment"
-
Not Synced
he heard about. Seems that some
flatworms were trained to
-
Not Synced
wiggle through a maze, to get some food.
Then, they was ground up into
-
Not Synced
tiny chunks of meat,
and fed to some baby flatworms.
-
Not Synced
First thing ya know,
them babies is negotiatin' that maze
-
Not Synced
like they was born to it.
One generation feedin' the next.
-
Not Synced
So I was wonderin' -- if I eat you,
[Harriet yelps]
-
Not Synced
won't I know these things?
-
Not Synced
[Harriet laughs uneasily]
Sorry.
-
Not Synced
You're a wolf, and I'm a sheep.
-
Not Synced
I will not allow the blow to your
self-esteem, of comparing yourself
-
Not Synced
to a mere
[scientific word for flatworm.]
-
Not Synced
Loopy! We're not worms.
-
Not Synced
Okay! So why we here?
And why do wolves love mutton?
-
Not Synced
I don't know that you're
sophisticated enough
-
Not Synced
to understand that just yet.
-
Not Synced
That's enough! I have sat through
your tales too long!
-
Not Synced
My guts are howlin' louder than
Uncle Louie at the last eclipse.
-
Not Synced
I know why there are eclipses!
-
Not Synced
I don't give a hoot why!
[Whooshing sound]
-
Not Synced
[Wolf whimpers]
What was that?!
-
Not Synced
I know why the stars are
faaaaallllliiiiinnnnng!
-
Not Synced
Why?!
-
Not Synced
Why, I'd need at least a week
to explain it to you.
-
Not Synced
Oh, you're stallin'!
[Thunder sounds]
-
Not Synced
[Wolf whimpers]
[Sheep snickers]
-
Not Synced
[Wolf] What's goin' on?
-
Not Synced
[Sheep yelps] Oooh! Stop!
-
Not Synced
Move no closer!
Just...keep...pursuing me...
-
Not Synced
hungry.
-
Not Synced
Keep your beautiful savagery.
May your jaws always drip.
-
Not Synced
Desire is a beautiful thing,
Loopy.
-
Not Synced
Eat me now, and you'll be hungry
tomorrow, with no one to talk to.
-
Not Synced
Keep me alive, and you can want me
forever.
-
Not Synced
Oh, Loopy, we can do it.
Let's be friends!
-
Not Synced
I -- I -- am hungry.
I ache.
-
Not Synced
You are pink and tender.
-
Not Synced
My fur bristles.
I drool. I eat!
-
Not Synced
You'll stay as you are,
forever wolf.
-
Not Synced
Let me civilize you!
-
Not Synced
[Wolf grunts] My body
howls for you!
-
Not Synced
What of the heavens,
dear wolf?
-
Not Synced
[Whooshing sound]
[Distant thunder]
-
Not Synced
You won't distract me
with your talkin'.
-
Not Synced
So, you [?]
Enough!
-
Not Synced
Run! Fight!
Howl for yourself.
-
Not Synced
You ask alien things.
-
Not Synced
Why not entreat
these rocks to sing?
-
Not Synced
You're a cunning one,
and a coward.
-
Not Synced
[Sheep gasps] A thirst slaked
by a coward's blood
-
Not Synced
would leave you parched, yes?
-
Not Synced
[Wolf] You're not worth it!
-
Not Synced
Not worth it?!
I offer you eternal desire!
-
Not Synced
Friendship! [Exhales]
Big tough wolf. [Bell rings]
-
Not Synced
I'll beat you, old Loopy.
-
Not Synced
You don't wanna be my friend.
[Bell rings]
-
Not Synced
You just wanna save your skin.
Make a fool out of me.
-
Not Synced
[Bell rings] I got news for ya.
-
Not Synced
You can walk a mile in my shoes,
and never fill my boots.
-
Not Synced
Oh, so sorry, Loopster.
Takes guts to be my pal.
-
Not Synced
You just ain't got what it takes.
Call me what you want:
-
Not Synced
Howl at the sun and call it the moon
if it makes you feel any better!
-
Not Synced
[Sheep chokes, bell rings]
-
Not Synced
[Wolf howls loudly]
-
Not Synced
[Wolf laughs, bell rings]
-
Not Synced
Your move...PAL.
[Wolf laughs]
-
Not Synced
[Vulture caws]
-
Not Synced
[Applause]
-
Not Synced
[Acoustic guitar bridge]
-
Not Synced
[Phrase repeats]
-
Not Synced
I let out a primal scream
all the neighbors heard.
-
Not Synced
I woke them up from their dreams
while their children stirred.
-
Not Synced
I released a primal scream
ripped out from my core.
-
Not Synced
All the slaughter I had seen,
I couldn't hold it any more.
-
Not Synced
They look at me funny,
intrigued by what they see
-
Not Synced
though my smile is sunny
when I pass by their children's feet.
-
Not Synced
[Guitar phrase]
-
Not Synced
I ripped out a primal scream
through the neighborhood.
-
Not Synced
I did not do anything
like a neighbor should.
-
Not Synced
I got a hold of primal screams,
sent lightning through the air.
-
Not Synced
I'm better now than I do seem.
They don't really care.
-
Not Synced
[Guitar flourish]
-
Not Synced
They look at me funny,
intrigued by what they see
-
Not Synced
though my smile is sunny
when I pass by their children's feet.
-
Not Synced
[Guitar phrase]
-
Not Synced
I let out a primal scream
all the neighbors heard.
-
Not Synced
I woke them up from their dream
while their children stirred.
-
Not Synced
I released a primal scream
ripped out from my core.
-
Not Synced
All the slaughter I have seen
I couldn't hold it any more.
-
Not Synced
[Guitar flourish]
-
Not Synced
[Guitar phrase]
-
Not Synced
Christopher Lopez.
All the way from Greenfield California.
-
Not Synced
[Applause]
-
Not Synced
[Placeholder]
-
Not Synced
Who can shave an egg?
-
Not Synced
[Irish accent]
You were born into a raw deal.
-
Not Synced
It's not the detail.
Two decades' worth of therapy.
-
Not Synced
Chalk it up to life on earth.
Everybody pays.
-
Not Synced
We're responsible for investing
our lives with meaning.
-
Not Synced
You make vengeance your god,
saieth you, you who are.
-
Not Synced
You can't hide an eel in a sack.
-
Not Synced
The man deserves what he got, huh?
He was fat. Jabba the Hut rotund.
-
Not Synced
He lied in court.
He suborned perjury.
-
Not Synced
Then got a restrainin' order.
They took away your gun.
-
Not Synced
Well, ya had some new songs.
Ya found a studio in the Yellow Pages.
-
Not Synced
This was when digital was
replacing analog.
-
Not Synced
He lied to you, that his
Roland 680 was state of the art.
-
Not Synced
You later learned it was
only fit for home demos.
-
Not Synced
He set up the studio
in his home rec room.
-
Not Synced
He said he'd back up
each day's work.
-
Not Synced
After three months
in the Pac Man studio,
-
Not Synced
he erased an instrumental track.
He made a big show of
-
Not Synced
punchin' buttons,
and he swiveled around,
-
Not Synced
and said he couldn't
find it in his backup files.
-
Not Synced
There were no backup files.
-
Not Synced
You decided to mix everything
as fast as possible, then get out
-
Not Synced
if other bits turned up missing.
You extracted what you could,
-
Not Synced
and sent the Pac Man
a [?]
-
Not Synced
Prompted by his attorney,
he asked the Judge,
-
Not Synced
"Why, if he was so incompetent,
you spent 3 months in his studio?"
-
Not Synced
Well, you replied
that you recorded all the material
-
Not Synced
before you missed it.
And so you didn't [?]
-
Not Synced
until much later.
-
Not Synced
The fat man brought in
a psychiatrist.
-
Not Synced
[German accent]
"For analyze your lyrics.
-
Not Synced
And to testify that someone
as sick as you should never
-
Not Synced
have been allowed
into the fat man's home."
-
Not Synced
[Irish accent] You printed up
2 dozen flyers,
-
Not Synced
advertising the fat man's address
as a recording studio
-
Not Synced
with an absurdly low hourly rate.
-
Not Synced
Wearin' surgical gloves, ya papered
the black sections of Seaside.
-
Not Synced
Next ya heard, a crackhead shot him
in a home invasion.
-
Not Synced
It is hard for an empty bag
to sit upright.
-
Not Synced
She...was...an actress.
-
Not Synced
A refugee from Hollywood's
enervatin' rituals.
-
Not Synced
Workin' in a nearby record shop.
-
Not Synced
By now, CDs were on their way out,
and only connoisseurs purchased vinyl.
-
Not Synced
Some afternoons, you had her
all to yourself.
-
Not Synced
When she mentioned her husband
in passing,
-
Not Synced
you remarked that she wore no ring.
-
Not Synced
"That's because I might be cast
as an unmarried woman," she said.
-
Not Synced
"I can't even risk an indentation
on my finger."
-
Not Synced
Oh-ho! The sacrifices we make for art.
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You reason that such a blemish
would not be visible at all on stage.
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You concluded that, consciously or not,
the real blemish on her life
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was her marriage.
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Now, actresses are always ready
to talk about themselves.
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It was therefore easy to learn
that her husband was
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4 years younger than she, and
somethin' of a psychological basket case.
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Takin' a break from his video games,
Chubby Hubby wandered in one foggy day,
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sayin' he needed her email password.
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Pullin' him by his elbow
into the British Invasion aisle,
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she told him no.
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Though you tried invisibility,
Chubby Hubby judged you
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to have witnessed his
emasculation.
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Glarin' at ya from below the brim
of his skull and bones festooned cap,
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the would-be cuckold said, sotto-voce,
"So. Who's the music lover?"
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"Call me Seattle Grant," you said,
extending your hand
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as he lumbered past ya
into misty Pacific Grove.
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[?] wife, busy herself,
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put Jerry and the Pacemakers'
Greatest Hits.
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To cut down an oak,
and set up a strawberry.
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With her permission, you use them
as a model, as would a painter.
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Except you spent no time together.
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You enrolled her as a concubine
in your imaginary harem.
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You were a kind and generous Sultan.
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On your wedding night,
you excused her lack of virginity,
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having suffered years of
phallic intrusion by Chubby Hubby.
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She wept.
You consoled her
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by composing the first of dozens of
adorational ballads to your muse.
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As time passed,
you'd enter the used record store, and
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covertly examine her face, her neck,
and her arms, for bruises
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or lacerations left by your
un[?] surrogate.
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She always passed inspection,
but you were certain he abused her.
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As your fantasy wife, she accompanied you
to Majorca,
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and other Mediterranean destinations.
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Ooh, there was a menage a trois in Ibiza.
An orgy in Algiers.
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She confessed that her pre-coital
fantasies of Arab men were not being met.
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Ya Googled her,
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and accumulated an
incremental biography.
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B. A. in Theater, some knockabout
years in Hollywood,
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before she followed a
National Guardsman to Ford Ord.
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Nuptials were soon ruptured
by shock and awe.
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The war, not the wedding night.
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Chubby Hubby forged a discharge,
and they settled in Pacific Grove.
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She supported her 'acting habit'
at the record store,
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while Chubby Hubby
"looked for a job."
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You confess.
You smell the discord.
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"I'm plottin' to liberate her
from the slacker."
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You casually handed her
recordings of your latest songs.
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Sighting the odd article on adultery,
you don the surgical gloves,
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clip it out, and mail it anonymously
to her.
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You concur.
You inquire after his well-being,
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as she stuffed used CDs in a bag,
and received your cash.
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One day, you grazed her palm with
your guitarists' lengthy fingernails.
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She pretended not to notice.
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Undone, as a man would
undo an oyster.
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She was the product of
Manifest Destiny and genocide.
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The rape of the New World
by the Old.
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Immune to the fallacy
of white liberal guilt,
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you prized her hybrid charms.
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The shiny, raven,
Native American hair
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curled by old English blood
into a frizzy electric storm.
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Her alien almond eyes.
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The cafe-au-lait skin,
smooth as porcelain.
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Local theater stretched her thespian
talent in all the wrong ways.
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Each company trumpeted
its speakin' of truth to power
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all of 'em bleatin' to the
leftist choir.
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Cuttin' edge exposes
of Joe McCarthy.
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50 years too late.
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Investigations of
racism and homophobia
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as though penned by the
Soviet Central Committee
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for Cultural Enlightenment,
circa 1968.
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You venture to a staged reading
of a George Bernard Shaw trifle,
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a two-hander exposin' early 20th
century British attitudes toward
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matrimony, which the program
promised would
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"Blow the roof off the
patriarchy."
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Fearful you'll emit
a tell-tale snore,