Oprah 20th Anniversary Disc 1 Heartprints Rudine

I dont own rights to this, all rights owned by Harpo Productions. The only reason am uploading this is to share the astonishing story of Rudine. This is what image issue and anorexia will do to you.

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>> Rudine I'll never forget.

Now there are a lot

of people whose names I

don't remember.

I won't forget Rudine's name

or the impression

that she made on my life.

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>> The photos you are looking

at are of a 25-year-old woman

who once weighed 38 pounds.

Rudine Howard is a human

skeleton living

on what she calls God's will.

After 11 years she still

suffers from life-threatening

anorexia nervosa.

We've been following Rudine's

battle to survive

for the past four months now.

She discussed her obsessive

fear of food.

>> Still to this day I still

think of every calorie.

I can tell you any calorie

in any food

because I studied the diet

book so much it's just

like instant in my brain.

Every time I see a piece

of food I see a calorie

written on it instead

of seeing what it looks like.

>> Yeah. So when you see an

apple, you see?

>> I see 80 calories.

>> And you see a banana

you see?

>> A hundred calories.

>> And you see french fries

and you see?

>> 220.

>> You can look

in the mirror now

at 48 pounds the way you look

today and you can --

you still see yourself

as being fat?

>> Yes.

>> Even if you can look

in the mirror and see yourself

as being a fat person,

you have to at some --

you have to feel your bones.

You have to --

I mean, you can feel

that there's no fat here.

You can feel that.

And so when you would feel,

I mean, you're --

it feels like holding a

skeleton almost.

So when you would feel that,

would you still think

that you're fat?

>> To me I would be

because I would measure my

fingers around my arms,

and when they got bigger,

that's when I started

getting scared.

When I could only go like this

and I couldn't get my fingers

to touch, that's

when I would start dieting

again, that I wouldn't let it

go farther, but now I can see

because I can go

farther around.

>> A few months

after our conversation Rudine

was hospitalized still

fighting anorexia.

>> [inaudible] people still

saying then

but I do not feel bad.

>> We've been following Rudine

over a period of time,

and suddenly one day I

realized we are following her

as a news story.

We're following her as,

you know, a voyeur looking

into this anorexic life.

We need to help her.

She needs help.

Like, oh, my God,

we're just covering

this story.

This girl is going to die

if we don't do something.

That was the first epiphany

about Rudine after sitting

in her house

for the first time.

We have followed Rudine the

past four months.

She joins us today weighing 12

more pounds

than she did the day I met her

four months ago.

Rudine Howard,

it is so difficult for me

to understand how you don't

see yourself the way the rest

of us see you.

>> Yes. Your brain just

doesn't see it.

You're so willed to be thin

that every time you still look

you still feel fat.

>> Do you still feel fat

at 60?

Do you feel fat at 60 pounds?

>> Truthfully, yes.

>> So when you --

I heard that it was difficult

for you.

>> Very difficult.

>> Gaining these 12 pounds

because it's not really what

you want to do.

>> No. I --

it was still a fight

in the hospital.

I agreed to have the

hyperalimentation

because I had kidney

infection, and I needed --

I know I needed it.

I had to gain it

but it's still every day was a

fight to do it, I mean,

a fight inside of me.

It was very, very hard.

>> And so now that you know

that you've gained 12 pounds

is there somewhere

in your head the urge

to lose it?

>> Yes, there's still the urge

but I'm feeling better

and there's more will

to get better to gain.

>> Because don't you know

if you don't gain,

you're going --

you're not going to be able

to survive?

>> Yes.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah, very much so.

>> How did this start?

Because we have pictures

of you when you were,

you know, a little girl

growing up and, you know,

pictures of you.

>> Yes.

>> How -- you were about,

what, eight

or nine there; right?

>> Yes.

>> Yeah. You were pretty.

You were normal.

>> It started when I was 13.

I had gotten overweight.

I went to 165 pounds.

I was a freshman

in high school.

And I was very --

I had a very low self-esteem

of myself so I started

to diet.

When I started losing weight,

it wasn't fast enough.

So I just cut

down to half a grapefruit a

day and a little bit of salad

and Diet Coke at night.

Well, that still wasn't fast

enough so I [inaudible] just

half a grapefruit.

Well, this went

on for three months

and I had lost 50 pounds then.

And I got to the point

of where I just couldn't

even eat.

I just drank water

for like two or three weeks.

>> When did you know

that you were

in trouble, Rudine?

>> When my parents brought me

to see a psychiatrist

and they told them I had

anorexia nervosa.

>> And how much did you

weigh then?

>> I was about 110

at that time.

And I had lost, like I said,

about 50-55 pounds

within three months.

So he had told my parents

that if I kept going I'd be

in serious, you know, danger,

that this is an upcoming

disease that many girls

at my age are now getting.

>> Do you want to get better?

>> Oh, yes.

I pray to God every day.

It's a spiritual battle inside

of me that I have

to accept myself.

And there's a reason for me.

God has put me here

for a reason.

>> Rudine is now 27 years old

and she's still in the fight

for her life.

She joins us

by satellite today

from the hospital

where she was admitted just

days ago.

So do you still see yourself

as fat?

Or are you really trying

to gain weight

and your body now just won't

handle it?

>> I'm really trying

to gain weight.

It's just the body won't

handle it.

>> Rudine,

what do you you want to say

to all the women out there

who are right now young girls

where you were 14 years ago

starting this obsession

with dieting?

>> Don't do it.

Believe me I've been

down to 32 pounds

and I've been in a coma

and I barely made it.

Don't do it.

Save yourself.

>> Well, at the time

of that taping Rudine Howard

weighed 49 pounds.

Can you believe it?

[applause]

And since then she's gained an

incredible 40 pounds.

Are you able to --

are you eating now?

>> Yes.

>> You're eating real food?

>> Huh-huh.

>> Well, this is the heaviest

you've been

or the most weight you've

gained, I mean,

because I talked

to you several years before

and you had only gained

like 3 pounds in three years.

>> This is the most I've been

since 13.

>> Since 13.

And you weigh, what, 89?

>> Yeah.

>> 89. Are you going

to continue to allow yourself

to put more weight on?

>> I'm going to try to, yeah.

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>> When you're in it,

when you're this way,

you can't see it

and it's so hard.

>> Years later

when Tracy Gold was

on with Rudine,

Rudine had such an impact

on my life

that there was a moment

when Tracy is saying what you

need to do you need

to feed your brain.

You need to feed yourself

and you need

to nourish yourself.

You need to do this.

And Rudine looks up at her

and she says like how?

>> What you can do is you can

make the little steps

to fill your mind

so that you can fight back.

>> I [inaudible] do it.

>> Just start

to nourish your brain

so your brain can start

to feel life again

and the life is so wonderful.

We are in control of our lives

and our destiny.

>> Rudine,

when you hear Tracy say that

and you see somebody who's

come out of it,

does that give you a little

bit of light?

>> It does.

I can do it.

>> [music] I'm telling you

to this day that's one

of the most powerful things

I've ever heard.

The little hairs

on my arm raised and I just --

I was just --

like a chill went through me

and I thought that is it.

That is what everybody wants

to know.

How? That is the central

question in life.

And that moment

with Rudine forever changed

the way I approached my

interviewing,

the way I approached every

show, the way I looked

at a guest.

The central question is how.

I was so profoundly impacted

by that.

I've been doing this show

for 10 years,

and I have been touched

by so many incredible people

in that time

but there is one special young

woman who I believe moved

us all.

For seven years Rudine Howard

struggled for her life

battling the devastating

effects of an eating disorder,

anorexia nervosa,

but last Friday at 3 o'clock

in the morning

in her hospital bed Rudine

lost that battle.

And so today Rudine we

dedicate this show to you

with the hope

that some other person,

young girl, young boy,

watching will see themselves

and you and stop

their suffering.

This one's for you.

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