0:00:00.506,0:00:04.546
[ Music ]

0:00:05.046,0:00:07.026
>> Rudine I'll never forget.

0:00:07.026,0:00:07.666
Now there are a lot

0:00:07.666,0:00:08.526
of people whose names I

0:00:08.526,0:00:09.286
don't remember.

0:00:09.286,0:00:11.916
I won't forget Rudine's name

0:00:11.916,0:00:12.696
or the impression

0:00:12.696,0:00:13.896
that she made on my life.

0:00:14.516,0:00:18.596
[ Music ]

0:00:19.096,0:00:19.616
>> The photos you are looking

0:00:19.616,0:00:21.116
at are of a 25-year-old woman

0:00:21.116,0:00:23.506
who once weighed 38 pounds.

0:00:23.796,0:00:25.306
Rudine Howard is a human

0:00:25.306,0:00:26.486
skeleton living

0:00:26.486,0:00:28.686
on what she calls God's will.

0:00:28.776,0:00:30.706
After 11 years she still

0:00:30.706,0:00:32.235
suffers from life-threatening

0:00:32.356,0:00:33.356
anorexia nervosa.

0:00:34.066,0:00:35.376
We've been following Rudine's

0:00:35.376,0:00:36.546
battle to survive

0:00:36.816,0:00:38.406
for the past four months now.

0:00:38.736,0:00:40.496
She discussed her obsessive

0:00:40.496,0:00:41.426
fear of food.

0:00:42.016,0:00:43.206
>> Still to this day I still

0:00:43.206,0:00:44.356
think of every calorie.

0:00:44.356,0:00:46.506
I can tell you any calorie

0:00:46.506,0:00:47.156
in any food

0:00:47.756,0:00:48.656
because I studied the diet

0:00:48.686,0:00:49.556
book so much it's just

0:00:49.556,0:00:51.476
like instant in my brain.

0:00:51.746,0:00:52.916
Every time I see a piece

0:00:52.916,0:00:53.926
of food I see a calorie

0:00:54.466,0:00:55.346
written on it instead

0:00:55.346,0:00:56.836
of seeing what it looks like.

0:00:56.836,0:00:57.526
>> Yeah. So when you see an

0:00:57.526,0:00:58.356
apple, you see?

0:00:58.556,0:00:59.456
>> I see 80 calories.

0:00:59.456,0:01:00.846
>> And you see a banana

0:01:00.846,0:01:01.166
you see?

0:01:01.166,0:01:02.016
>> A hundred calories.

0:01:02.266,0:01:03.326
>> And you see french fries

0:01:03.326,0:01:03.776
and you see?

0:01:03.996,0:01:04.876
>> 220.

0:01:05.806,0:01:06.266
>> You can look

0:01:06.266,0:01:06.996
in the mirror now

0:01:06.996,0:01:09.506
at 48 pounds the way you look

0:01:09.566,0:01:11.346
today and you can --

0:01:11.486,0:01:12.536
you still see yourself

0:01:12.536,0:01:13.096
as being fat?

0:01:13.806,0:01:13.936
>> Yes.

0:01:15.266,0:01:16.096
>> Even if you can look

0:01:16.096,0:01:17.786
in the mirror and see yourself

0:01:17.786,0:01:19.246
as being a fat person,

0:01:20.606,0:01:22.006
you have to at some --

0:01:22.096,0:01:23.966
you have to feel your bones.

0:01:23.966,0:01:24.276
You have to --

0:01:24.396,0:01:25.926
I mean, you can feel

0:01:26.326,0:01:27.756
that there's no fat here.

0:01:27.936,0:01:28.876
You can feel that.

0:01:29.726,0:01:31.966
And so when you would feel,

0:01:31.966,0:01:32.926
I mean, you're --

0:01:33.876,0:01:34.836
it feels like holding a

0:01:34.916,0:01:36.046
skeleton almost.

0:01:36.786,0:01:38.286
So when you would feel that,

0:01:38.676,0:01:39.696
would you still think

0:01:39.936,0:01:40.686
that you're fat?

0:01:41.866,0:01:42.816
>> To me I would be

0:01:42.856,0:01:44.646
because I would measure my

0:01:44.646,0:01:47.896
fingers around my arms,

0:01:47.896,0:01:49.476
and when they got bigger,

0:01:49.476,0:01:50.146
that's when I started

0:01:50.146,0:01:50.816
getting scared.

0:01:51.296,0:01:52.816
When I could only go like this

0:01:54.046,0:01:55.366
and I couldn't get my fingers

0:01:55.366,0:01:56.626
to touch, that's

0:01:56.626,0:01:58.246
when I would start dieting

0:01:58.246,0:01:59.576
again, that I wouldn't let it

0:01:59.576,0:02:01.646
go farther, but now I can see

0:02:02.296,0:02:03.046
because I can go

0:02:03.296,0:02:04.096
farther around.

0:02:04.576,0:02:05.146
>> A few months

0:02:05.146,0:02:07.226
after our conversation Rudine

0:02:07.226,0:02:08.976
was hospitalized still

0:02:08.976,0:02:10.656
fighting anorexia.

0:02:10.656,0:02:11.386
>> [inaudible] people still

0:02:11.456,0:02:13.226
saying then

0:02:13.226,0:02:15.926
but I do not feel bad.

0:02:15.926,0:02:17.196
>> We've been following Rudine

0:02:17.196,0:02:19.066
over a period of time,

0:02:19.066,0:02:20.486
and suddenly one day I

0:02:20.486,0:02:22.646
realized we are following her

0:02:22.646,0:02:25.256
as a news story.

0:02:25.256,0:02:26.806
We're following her as,

0:02:26.806,0:02:28.976
you know, a voyeur looking

0:02:28.976,0:02:30.646
into this anorexic life.

0:02:30.646,0:02:32.646
We need to help her.

0:02:32.646,0:02:34.006
She needs help.

0:02:34.006,0:02:35.596
Like, oh, my God,

0:02:35.596,0:02:36.756
we're just covering

0:02:36.756,0:02:37.236
this story.

0:02:37.236,0:02:39.416
This girl is going to die

0:02:39.416,0:02:41.466
if we don't do something.

0:02:41.466,0:02:43.206
That was the first epiphany

0:02:43.206,0:02:45.246
about Rudine after sitting

0:02:45.246,0:02:45.976
in her house

0:02:45.976,0:02:47.526
for the first time.

0:02:47.526,0:02:48.556
We have followed Rudine the

0:02:48.556,0:02:49.856
past four months.

0:02:49.856,0:02:51.986
She joins us today weighing 12

0:02:51.986,0:02:52.616
more pounds

0:02:52.616,0:02:53.756
than she did the day I met her

0:02:54.026,0:02:54.856
four months ago.

0:02:54.856,0:02:55.716
Rudine Howard,

0:02:55.716,0:02:58.186
it is so difficult for me

0:02:58.186,0:03:01.626
to understand how you don't

0:03:01.626,0:03:04.306
see yourself the way the rest

0:03:04.306,0:03:04.936
of us see you.

0:03:05.896,0:03:09.196
>> Yes. Your brain just

0:03:10.276,0:03:11.406
doesn't see it.

0:03:12.306,0:03:14.806
You're so willed to be thin

0:03:14.916,0:03:17.276
that every time you still look

0:03:17.276,0:03:18.046
you still feel fat.

0:03:18.286,0:03:19.916
>> Do you still feel fat

0:03:19.916,0:03:20.356
at 60?

0:03:20.356,0:03:21.656
Do you feel fat at 60 pounds?

0:03:22.186,0:03:23.106
>> Truthfully, yes.

0:03:23.976,0:03:24.526
>> So when you --

0:03:24.526,0:03:26.416
I heard that it was difficult

0:03:26.416,0:03:26.806
for you.

0:03:27.096,0:03:27.886
>> Very difficult.

0:03:27.886,0:03:29.106
>> Gaining these 12 pounds

0:03:29.106,0:03:30.356
because it's not really what

0:03:30.356,0:03:31.086
you want to do.

0:03:31.086,0:03:31.876
>> No. I --

0:03:31.876,0:03:32.736
it was still a fight

0:03:32.736,0:03:33.356
in the hospital.

0:03:33.356,0:03:35.106
I agreed to have the

0:03:35.106,0:03:36.366
hyperalimentation

0:03:36.926,0:03:37.636
because I had kidney

0:03:37.636,0:03:40.106
infection, and I needed --

0:03:40.106,0:03:41.006
I know I needed it.

0:03:41.226,0:03:42.836
I had to gain it

0:03:43.716,0:03:44.766
but it's still every day was a

0:03:44.766,0:03:46.666
fight to do it, I mean,

0:03:46.666,0:03:47.586
a fight inside of me.

0:03:47.686,0:03:50.486
It was very, very hard.

0:03:51.006,0:03:53.546
>> And so now that you know

0:03:53.546,0:03:54.856
that you've gained 12 pounds

0:03:54.856,0:03:55.886
is there somewhere

0:03:55.926,0:03:58.026
in your head the urge

0:03:58.386,0:03:59.306
to lose it?

0:04:00.266,0:04:01.836
>> Yes, there's still the urge

0:04:01.926,0:04:03.296
but I'm feeling better

0:04:03.886,0:04:06.436
and there's more will

0:04:06.546,0:04:08.596
to get better to gain.

0:04:08.686,0:04:09.406
>> Because don't you know

0:04:09.406,0:04:10.176
if you don't gain,

0:04:10.176,0:04:10.666
you're going --

0:04:10.666,0:04:11.986
you're not going to be able

0:04:11.986,0:04:12.596
to survive?

0:04:12.816,0:04:13.046
>> Yes.

0:04:13.326,0:04:13.466
>> Yeah.

0:04:14.236,0:04:15.366
>> Yeah, very much so.

0:04:16.196,0:04:17.106
>> How did this start?

0:04:18.016,0:04:19.065
Because we have pictures

0:04:19.065,0:04:20.815
of you when you were,

0:04:20.946,0:04:23.926
you know, a little girl

0:04:24.276,0:04:27.686
growing up and, you know,

0:04:27.736,0:04:28.576
pictures of you.

0:04:28.576,0:04:28.766
>> Yes.

0:04:29.406,0:04:30.176
>> How -- you were about,

0:04:30.176,0:04:30.516
what, eight

0:04:30.516,0:04:32.716
or nine there; right?

0:04:32.716,0:04:32.856
>> Yes.

0:04:32.856,0:04:33.706
>> Yeah. You were pretty.

0:04:33.846,0:04:34.616
You were normal.

0:04:34.816,0:04:37.726
>> It started when I was 13.

0:04:37.776,0:04:39.786
I had gotten overweight.

0:04:39.786,0:04:41.386
I went to 165 pounds.

0:04:42.096,0:04:42.966
I was a freshman

0:04:42.966,0:04:43.776
in high school.

0:04:44.356,0:04:45.996
And I was very --

0:04:46.096,0:04:47.456
I had a very low self-esteem

0:04:47.456,0:04:48.696
of myself so I started

0:04:48.696,0:04:49.236
to diet.

0:04:49.406,0:04:50.626
When I started losing weight,

0:04:50.626,0:04:51.766
it wasn't fast enough.

0:04:51.946,0:04:52.656
So I just cut

0:04:52.656,0:04:54.226
down to half a grapefruit a

0:04:54.226,0:04:55.746
day and a little bit of salad

0:04:55.746,0:04:56.726
and Diet Coke at night.

0:04:57.556,0:04:58.536
Well, that still wasn't fast

0:04:58.616,0:04:59.316
enough so I [inaudible] just

0:04:59.316,0:05:00.136
half a grapefruit.

0:05:00.556,0:05:00.966
Well, this went

0:05:00.966,0:05:02.046
on for three months

0:05:02.046,0:05:04.446
and I had lost 50 pounds then.

0:05:05.186,0:05:07.776
And I got to the point

0:05:07.776,0:05:08.636
of where I just couldn't

0:05:08.636,0:05:09.026
even eat.

0:05:09.026,0:05:09.996
I just drank water

0:05:09.996,0:05:10.956
for like two or three weeks.

0:05:11.816,0:05:12.536
>> When did you know

0:05:12.536,0:05:13.006
that you were

0:05:13.006,0:05:14.006
in trouble, Rudine?

0:05:14.526,0:05:16.706
>> When my parents brought me

0:05:16.706,0:05:18.476
to see a psychiatrist

0:05:18.476,0:05:19.226
and they told them I had

0:05:19.226,0:05:20.316
anorexia nervosa.

0:05:20.906,0:05:21.866
>> And how much did you

0:05:21.866,0:05:22.326
weigh then?

0:05:22.576,0:05:23.996
>> I was about 110

0:05:23.996,0:05:24.876
at that time.

0:05:25.476,0:05:28.516
And I had lost, like I said,

0:05:28.516,0:05:29.806
about 50-55 pounds

0:05:29.806,0:05:31.026
within three months.

0:05:31.176,0:05:32.666
So he had told my parents

0:05:32.766,0:05:34.356
that if I kept going I'd be

0:05:34.766,0:05:36.296
in serious, you know, danger,

0:05:36.296,0:05:38.106
that this is an upcoming

0:05:38.106,0:05:39.866
disease that many girls

0:05:39.866,0:05:42.426
at my age are now getting.

0:05:42.646,0:05:43.916
>> Do you want to get better?

0:05:44.396,0:05:44.816
>> Oh, yes.

0:05:45.806,0:05:48.826
I pray to God every day.

0:05:49.816,0:05:51.436
It's a spiritual battle inside

0:05:51.436,0:05:52.836
of me that I have

0:05:52.876,0:05:53.986
to accept myself.

0:05:53.986,0:05:56.426
And there's a reason for me.

0:05:56.426,0:05:58.386
God has put me here

0:05:58.386,0:05:58.966
for a reason.

0:06:00.326,0:06:02.796
>> Rudine is now 27 years old

0:06:02.796,0:06:03.886
and she's still in the fight

0:06:03.886,0:06:04.956
for her life.

0:06:05.026,0:06:05.716
She joins us

0:06:05.716,0:06:07.316
by satellite today

0:06:07.316,0:06:08.146
from the hospital

0:06:08.146,0:06:09.436
where she was admitted just

0:06:09.776,0:06:10.586
days ago.

0:06:11.106,0:06:14.036
So do you still see yourself

0:06:14.036,0:06:14.606
as fat?

0:06:14.836,0:06:16.036
Or are you really trying

0:06:16.036,0:06:16.676
to gain weight

0:06:16.676,0:06:18.206
and your body now just won't

0:06:18.206,0:06:19.566
handle it?

0:06:19.796,0:06:20.876
>> I'm really trying

0:06:20.876,0:06:21.676
to gain weight.

0:06:21.676,0:06:23.226
It's just the body won't

0:06:23.226,0:06:23.896
handle it.

0:06:24.866,0:06:25.206
>> Rudine,

0:06:25.206,0:06:25.976
what do you you want to say

0:06:25.976,0:06:27.996
to all the women out there

0:06:27.996,0:06:30.686
who are right now young girls

0:06:30.686,0:06:32.446
where you were 14 years ago

0:06:32.866,0:06:34.336
starting this obsession

0:06:34.336,0:06:35.106
with dieting?

0:06:35.606,0:06:37.496
>> Don't do it.

0:06:37.496,0:06:40.416
Believe me I've been

0:06:40.756,0:06:42.786
down to 32 pounds

0:06:43.906,0:06:45.496
and I've been in a coma

0:06:46.086,0:06:49.426
and I barely made it.

0:06:50.926,0:06:52.466
Don't do it.

0:06:54.276,0:06:55.436
Save yourself.

0:06:55.436,0:06:58.166
>> Well, at the time

0:06:58.216,0:06:59.976
of that taping Rudine Howard

0:06:59.976,0:07:01.256
weighed 49 pounds.

0:07:01.436,0:07:04.236
Can you believe it?

0:07:04.236,0:07:04.303
[applause]

0:07:04.303,0:07:05.746
And since then she's gained an

0:07:05.746,0:07:08.416
incredible 40 pounds.

0:07:08.416,0:07:11.596
Are you able to --

0:07:11.596,0:07:12.476
are you eating now?

0:07:12.746,0:07:12.946
>> Yes.

0:07:13.136,0:07:13.986
>> You're eating real food?

0:07:14.116,0:07:14.326
>> Huh-huh.

0:07:14.626,0:07:16.316
>> Well, this is the heaviest

0:07:16.316,0:07:16.906
you've been

0:07:16.906,0:07:17.866
or the most weight you've

0:07:17.866,0:07:18.546
gained, I mean,

0:07:18.716,0:07:19.436
because I talked

0:07:19.436,0:07:20.986
to you several years before

0:07:20.986,0:07:22.046
and you had only gained

0:07:22.046,0:07:24.106
like 3 pounds in three years.

0:07:24.106,0:07:25.016
>> This is the most I've been

0:07:25.066,0:07:25.966
since 13.

0:07:26.246,0:07:27.046
>> Since 13.

0:07:27.416,0:07:28.546
And you weigh, what, 89?

0:07:28.796,0:07:28.876
>> Yeah.

0:07:29.366,0:07:30.596
>> 89. Are you going

0:07:30.596,0:07:32.176
to continue to allow yourself

0:07:32.176,0:07:33.016
to put more weight on?

0:07:33.096,0:07:33.976
>> I'm going to try to, yeah.

0:07:34.516,0:07:39.686
[ Music ]

0:07:40.186,0:07:40.706
>> When you're in it,

0:07:40.706,0:07:41.626
when you're this way,

0:07:41.756,0:07:42.926
you can't see it

0:07:42.926,0:07:45.176
and it's so hard.

0:07:45.276,0:07:45.966
>> Years later

0:07:45.966,0:07:46.986
when Tracy Gold was

0:07:46.986,0:07:47.866
on with Rudine,

0:07:48.436,0:07:50.646
Rudine had such an impact

0:07:50.806,0:07:51.376
on my life

0:07:51.376,0:07:54.026
that there was a moment

0:07:54.386,0:07:55.666
when Tracy is saying what you

0:07:55.666,0:07:56.656
need to do you need

0:07:56.656,0:07:57.616
to feed your brain.

0:07:57.616,0:07:58.926
You need to feed yourself

0:07:58.926,0:07:59.336
and you need

0:07:59.456,0:08:00.176
to nourish yourself.

0:08:00.176,0:08:00.696
You need to do this.

0:08:01.166,0:08:02.836
And Rudine looks up at her

0:08:02.836,0:08:05.116
and she says like how?

0:08:05.526,0:08:06.636
>> What you can do is you can

0:08:06.636,0:08:07.606
make the little steps

0:08:08.026,0:08:08.986
to fill your mind

0:08:09.496,0:08:11.076
so that you can fight back.

0:08:11.286,0:08:11.796
>> I [inaudible] do it.

0:08:11.836,0:08:13.116
>> Just start

0:08:13.146,0:08:14.146
to nourish your brain

0:08:14.146,0:08:16.136
so your brain can start

0:08:16.186,0:08:17.576
to feel life again

0:08:18.046,0:08:20.186
and the life is so wonderful.

0:08:20.186,0:08:22.206
We are in control of our lives

0:08:22.476,0:08:23.466
and our destiny.

0:08:24.016,0:08:24.406
>> Rudine,

0:08:24.406,0:08:25.876
when you hear Tracy say that

0:08:25.876,0:08:27.296
and you see somebody who's

0:08:27.296,0:08:28.046
come out of it,

0:08:28.686,0:08:30.616
does that give you a little

0:08:31.676,0:08:32.946
bit of light?

0:08:33.576,0:08:34.515
>> It does.

0:08:34.726,0:08:37.086
I can do it.

0:08:37.086,0:08:38.466
>> [music] I'm telling you

0:08:38.926,0:08:40.866
to this day that's one

0:08:40.866,0:08:41.876
of the most powerful things

0:08:41.876,0:08:42.476
I've ever heard.

0:08:43.106,0:08:43.806
The little hairs

0:08:43.806,0:08:46.266
on my arm raised and I just --

0:08:46.366,0:08:46.846
I was just --

0:08:46.846,0:08:48.146
like a chill went through me

0:08:48.146,0:08:50.676
and I thought that is it.

0:08:51.646,0:08:53.646
That is what everybody wants

0:08:53.646,0:08:54.416
to know.

0:08:54.816,0:08:57.456
How? That is the central

0:08:57.606,0:08:58.726
question in life.

0:08:59.486,0:09:01.646
And that moment

0:09:01.696,0:09:03.976
with Rudine forever changed

0:09:03.976,0:09:05.716
the way I approached my

0:09:05.866,0:09:06.616
interviewing,

0:09:06.616,0:09:09.536
the way I approached every

0:09:09.536,0:09:10.886
show, the way I looked

0:09:10.886,0:09:11.676
at a guest.

0:09:11.676,0:09:14.746
The central question is how.

0:09:14.796,0:09:18.126
I was so profoundly impacted

0:09:18.186,0:09:18.526
by that.

0:09:20.146,0:09:20.886
I've been doing this show

0:09:20.886,0:09:21.746
for 10 years,

0:09:21.746,0:09:23.136
and I have been touched

0:09:23.136,0:09:24.916
by so many incredible people

0:09:24.916,0:09:25.666
in that time

0:09:25.666,0:09:27.576
but there is one special young

0:09:27.576,0:09:28.926
woman who I believe moved

0:09:28.926,0:09:29.506
us all.

0:09:29.616,0:09:32.046
For seven years Rudine Howard

0:09:32.046,0:09:33.656
struggled for her life

0:09:33.756,0:09:35.156
battling the devastating

0:09:35.156,0:09:36.986
effects of an eating disorder,

0:09:36.986,0:09:38.586
anorexia nervosa,

0:09:39.086,0:09:40.826
but last Friday at 3 o'clock

0:09:40.826,0:09:41.416
in the morning

0:09:41.416,0:09:43.676
in her hospital bed Rudine

0:09:43.676,0:09:44.596
lost that battle.

0:09:45.286,0:09:46.686
And so today Rudine we

0:09:46.686,0:09:48.126
dedicate this show to you

0:09:48.126,0:09:48.666
with the hope

0:09:48.666,0:09:50.726
that some other person,

0:09:50.726,0:09:52.066
young girl, young boy,

0:09:52.526,0:09:54.346
watching will see themselves

0:09:54.346,0:09:55.826
and you and stop

0:09:55.826,0:09:56.706
their suffering.

0:09:56.706,0:09:57.976
This one's for you.

0:09:58.516,0:10:05.060
[ Music ]