From womb to world -- the journey that shapes our life | Anna Verwaal | TEDxABQWomen

The way babies are welcomed into this world creates their sense of self-worth and shapes their capacity for future healthy relationships. This way, not only will the future moms who receive positive vibes have an everlasting impact on the babies, but anyone else who should remember that they are at the same time, shaping the future of humanity.

If you were asked, what happened to you

before you took your very first breath,

would you know?

Did you know that learning about the time

from just before you were conceived
until after you were born,

could improve the quality of your life?

What do you know about
your earliest experiences?

Were you very wanted and planned?

An unwelcome surprise?

Or did you come into being
during an act of violence?

Imagine for a moment
what it must feel like for a baby

to spend 9 months
in the womb of a mother

who hated the man who raped her?

Luckily, the vast majority of us
were not conceived this way.

But even if our conception was welcome,

all of us were marinated
in amniotic fluid filled with the flavors

of our mother's emotional life
and state of mind.

What do you know
about your time in the womb?

Was it filled with happiness, peace, joy,

stress, anxiety, depression?

Was your mother mourning
the loss of a loved one?

Was she the victim of domestic violence?

Was it toxic perhaps?

Because the umbilical cord
not only fed you nutrients,

but also nicotine, alcohol or drugs.

Whatever those flavors are,

they become the blueprints of our lives.

It is not only what a pregnant woman
eats and drinks,

but everything she feels
and experiences in her environment

that has an impact
on her baby's future health,

intelligence and well-being.

How a woman perceives her life
during those 9 months

is what helps shape babies to get ready

for the environment
they will be born into.

This is nature's way
of ensuring our survival,

by helping us get ready
for what is yet to come.

Once we are born, our lives often become
a repetition of those early experiences.

This is why we so often attract in life

to what we have come to know so well
in the womb.

More than 30 years of research

in the field of pre
and perinatal psychology,

has revealed a profound impact and effect

conception, pregnancy and birth
have on our lives.

Most people go about their lives
without realizing

how these early verbal, emotional
and somatic imprints play a role.

The latest research in epigenetic science

suggests that they most critical
and formative period

goes back even earlier than birth.

Findings point to the time
shortly before conception to after birth

as the most critical
and sensitive period

in establishing patterns
in all areas of our lives:

physical, mental, emotional
and relational.

The fact that these findings have only
been made in the last few decades,

explains why it is not
mainstream knowledge yet,

that the journey from womb to world
shapes our lives.

And, remember,
it wasn't even that long ago

we were told newborn babies felt no pain,

let alone remember what happened
around the time of their birth.

Many years of photographing

and working with babies
during and after childbirth,

have shown me
that this is profoundly untrue.

Many, many years ago

I met a little boy who would have
a profound effect on my life.

I remember how deeply moved I was

when little Sultan,
born two and a half months early

stopped me from what I was doing

when he reached out with his tiny hand
to hold on to my finger.

Abandoned by his parents,
I realized that the only way

that he'd receive touch was
during the many medical procedures

we have to perform on him
to keep him alive.

After that, I would pause in between
doing all the unpleasant things

to gently stroke
his little hairy arms and back.

During those moments
I often wondered,

if Sultan is this aware

when he should have been
inside his mother

for at least another 2 months,

could it be that babies inside the womb

are just as aware
of what goes on around them?

After becoming a member

of the Association
for Pre and Perinatal Psychology,

I discovered that everything
I had begun to wonder was true.

Everything that happens to us
around the time of our birth

causes long term patterns,

and these patterns often remain
into adulthood.

Adults that were born prematurely
and spent several weeks in incubators,

often continue to feel deeply
isolated from the outside world,

as if the plastic walls
that once surrounded them

had never really been removed.

They are also very sensitive
to bright lights, sounds and touch.

Most of the time a nurse
or doctor touches them

it is to do something painful,
unpleasant or scary.

And not only do they hear
their own alarms go off

when their heart
or respiration rate drops,

but also every time another baby
requires immediate urgent care.

When you come to think of it,
it is not that strange

that these patterns remain with them
throughout adulthood.

What I found really interesting
is when I talk to people about

how the way we come
into the world affects us,

most people say,
"It makes so much sense!"

or, that they wished
they would have known,

because then they would have
done things differently.

During my life, I discovered
that nothing ever goes away,

until it teaches us
what it is we need to know.

It felt like the garments
in my mother's closet

had become the wardrobe of my life.

When I understood that her outfits
didn't belong to me,

I could begin to take them off,

and finally start to dress myself
in my own unique fashion.

A few years ago,

I showed the lead singer
of a popular rock band,

who suffered from voice issues,

this photo of an intubated baby.

I wanted to help him understand

that when he was born,

and they needed to put a tube
down his throat to help him breathe,

it had also prevented him
from making any sounds,

even when he was crying.

He had tears in his eyes
when he looked at me and said,

"I finally understand
why had it been so difficult

for me to find my voice
and to express myself,

unless I scream
into a microphone on stage."

I also found it heartbreaking
when I learned

that the tragic characteristics
that Saddam Hussein and Hitler shared

with almost 75% of death row inmates
here in the United States,

are an unwanted conception

and an extremely difficult
pre-natal period and early start in life.

The majority of them also suffered
multiple abandonments,

mostly by their fathers.

It made me wonder,

how might their lives have been different

if they would've been welcomed
into the world

with acceptance, love and kindness

when they were little baby boys.

Regardless of what happened to us
at the beginning of our lives,

there is an expiration date
to blaming our parents.

Realizing on a personal level

how these early experiences
have affected us,

can help us change our belief system

and greatly improve
the quality of our life

and that of others.

Although babies are very vulnerable
when it comes to being imprinted,

they are also incredibly equipped

to physically and mentally
cope and survive.

However, there's a big difference
between surviving or thriving in life.

Since it is so much easier
to build a healthy child

than to repair a broken adult,

shouldn't the information we know now

about how to give babies
an optimal start in life

not become more mainstream also?

I have noticed that our awareness
around this has began to shift,

because I'm getting more and more calls

from people seeking help
dealing with their early imprints,

and from couples who want to learn
how to consciously prepare,

so that their future babies
are not born with an inheritance

of their parents' unresolved issues,
fears and trauma.

Conception,

the time we spend in the womb,

and they way we are born

is truly meant to be the gift
of a lifetime for every child.

If we want to make this world

a more conscious, connected
and caring place for us all,

we have to start with how we treat
women during pregnancy.

We also have to create
the necessary changes

in our current childbirth practices,

that will allow
for more gentle birth to take place.

This is important.

Why?

Because around 135 million women
give birth each year,

that is 5 to 6 babies that will be born
every second of every day.

How these babies are welcomed

creates their sense of safety,
self-worth and belonging,

and their capacity to have
healthy relationships

that are based on love, empathy and trust.

So, where does it leave us?

Well, whether you are a pregnant woman's
partner, family member,

boss, co-worker, care provider,
counselor, teacher,

elder, neighbor or friend,

imagine the positive impact
your support can have.

Not only on the baby marinating
inside the flavors of the mother's womb,

but also on shaping
the future of humanity.

(Applause)