Between what's available and what's Possible | Lubna Afeefi | TedxCairo

Lubna and Maria embarked on a journey to try alternative ways of education. In 2014, they joined groups that help their members find different kinds of education, and they helped start some of these groups themselves .

Lubna Afeefi is seven-year-old Maria's mom. She is a program director in an international institution. She got her master of advanced studies in business administration in 2012, and this year, she will start a second master's degree in development studies.

On the first day of 2011,

Maria turned four years old.

That day, many people were asking me

Why didn't you put her in school yet?

Which school will she go to?
Which school system will you pick for her?

I noticed that many people wanted to know
as it's an important parenting decision.

I went to a friend who's
experienced in this area,

and asked her for advice
to help me choose.

She said: there is no perfect school,

sort out your priorities,

and take your daughter to the first school

that meets your top three.

But you're late! The earlier she's
done with school the better,

take her to KG2 directly.

I said okay.

I kept thinking, what do people
think of when they pick schools?

I found that, of course, they think
about academics,

an environment that suits them,
and also about some logistics;

like the costs of the school, and how far
it is from home.. stuff like that.

So that's what I did, I picked a
school, it was fun,

we stayed there for three years.

Of course, she went to KG2 directly
as my friend had suggested.

Then, after these 3 years,

I started thinking about
the criteria of my choice.

The logistics were good, very acceptable.

The school was a bit far,
so we moved closer to it

and lived in the same street,

because a school is something we
have to be linked to forever.

In terms of environment, the school was
great too, but I noticed some things.

When look for a school,
and I mean a great one,

the choice usually has many parts to it,
and I need to accept them all.

One of the things I noticed in
the school we picked for Maria

Is that boys are a bit spoiled.

It's obvious sometimes.

For example, the students were
allowed to be a little violent,

especially if they were boys.
We sometimes hear people say:

"Boys will be boys", as though it is
completely acceptable

for boys to be violent to each other.

Some things that had to do
with spoiling were ignored,

there was a bit of affectation or
pretension among the kids,

who has or does what,

so we started to do things to talk
about it rather than to experience it.

Those things had me thinking.

Academically, the school was really good.

Before school, I didn't speak in
English with Maria at all,

however, after she went to
school and began to learn,

-and thankfully she's an A+ student,

which means she's doing great-

I noticed that whenever she would
have to say something important

she would quickly switch to English.

She speaks in Arabic normally,

but as soon as she gets serious,
she switches to English.

So I put my foot down, she
needs to have stronger Arabic.

She was in her 2nd grade then,

So I wanted to check the 3rd grade
syllabus to help her with Arabic.

I went through the 3rd grade Arabic book,

the second lesson was about television

and how it's the newest human invention,
and that it's a wonder box and whatnot.

It has nothing to do
with words and letters.

The ideas taught in English and those
taught in Arabic were different.

No matter how much I stress to her the
importance of knowing Arabic,

if all she learns in Arabic at school is
how cool TV is,

while she learns about citizenship,
rights, and freedoms in English,

then it's a moot point.

So this kind of stuff made
me more hesitant.

ٍSomething else happened in her
third year of elementary school,

We travelled to Europe.

At France I took her to Disneyland.

She was as excited as she would get

while watching a cartoon in her room.

I was very disappointed.

When we got back, I began to think:

On what grounds do I think
this is good for children?

Is this what I wanna give to my daughter?
Is it gonna make her happy?

So I began to talk to people.

There were two people who
I met around the same time.

An Egyptian who's really interested in
education and child rearing,

and an American who was into
knowing the purpose of life.

They both are among
my closest friends now.

So I was talking to them both,
and they asked me questions.

One of them interested in Maria,
and the other interested in me.

I asked the one interested in Maria:
What should I teach her?

And he replied: to become what?
And what is your role in her life?

Whereas my American friend asked me:

"What should you do in life to
feel that you're living right?

What would make you say that you lived
properly when you're about to die?"

When I began to think of
answers to their questions,

and having them both around
during the same time in my life

made me realize that Maria's education
isn't just the books she'll study,

it's also the way of life and
the values I wanna have,

and that she'll witness in me.

Which will lead her to
having her own values,

and her own way of life.

It was the first time I realize that
child rearing and education

truly go hand in hand,

and that it's not just an empty phrase.

The way we choose
to educate our children,

their environment and their teachers

are all parts of their upbringing.

I need to mention something else that
happened, since Maria talked about it.

I used to go to the city of
St. Catherine alone a lot.

Maria never came with me.

I began to wanna be there more often;

I wanted to have a house there.

I started having less work
which was a good thing,

so I wanted to spend
some of my time there.

But I couldn't do it.

I couldn't move a part of our
life there without asking Maria.

So one time I took her along.

And on our way, all I could think about
was how

she wasn't happy at all at Disneyland,

Why would she like St. Catherine?
There's nothing there to begin with.

But from the moment she
stepped out of the car,

I couldn't keep up with her.

She played, sprinted, chased animals,
and climbed up huge rocks.

She was all like:
"Mom, I wanna climb that mountain!"

ِِAnd of course she sat with the Bedouins
and learned a lot from them.

I noticed that in only two days, she had
learned different things about herbs,

mountains,

how to find water in the mountains,
how to navigate by the stars,

how to make Bedouin dishes, and

how to distinguish between
mountains, hills, plateaus, and valleys.

She learned all these things
by experiencing them.

Before that, whenever she
had a school project

that involved making mountains
or islands from clay and paper,

I saw her as an engineer
going to school with a maquette

I thought that she was the
earliest invention, like TV.

I was so happy.

When she saw those
things with her own eyes

I, myself, understood that mountains
and camels aren't just words in a book,

and that they can't be just that.

When we returned from St. Catherine,
I asked her

"Maria, what do you think about leaving
school and learning in a new way?"

She agreed.

I was surprised that she agreed quickly
because she loved her school a lot.

She agreed, only to try it out
and see what it's like.

Then we told her dad, and he agreed.

He also wanted to try it out
just to see what happens.

So off we went!

The first thing we did was research.

We searched for everyone who
thought about this too.

We discovered a treasure of initiatives

and people who teach their
kids in a non-traditional way.

And this made a big difference.

I discovered groups of women who
homeschool their children

and educate them outside of school.

For a whole year, we did nothing but
go out and meet new people,

travel, and discover.

We met many people who truly believe
in what they're doing that year.

For example, Maria met people

who talked to her about Arabic music.

They actually played and loved it.

She saw Arab architecture
and Arab calligraphy.

When she saw these things presented
by people really passionate about them,

it really impacted her feelings
towards her native Arab culture.

We went on many trips
within Egypt and abroad.

But, our travels were different this time.

We traveled for the sake of learning.

Maria started to encounter
everything in this way.

We met many people, among
them was a Nubian man.

He walked around with an article in his
wallet that discussed many famous people

that came from the south of Egypt.

The article was ripped from the sheer
amount of times he showed it to people.

It went from Moses to
the day it was written.

And she learned a lot from the
Bedouin about their lifestyle,

their heritage and stories.

It was an important lesson

that taught us things like

how the wisdom of our anscetors

is important in the education process.

It was very useful for us,
thanks be to God.

She started to appreciate visits
to her grandparents.

She would sit with them and feel
like she's actually learning.

The only thing that was left to tackle
is academics.

So we registered her in an American school

that specializes in homeschooled children.

Their curriculum is great, their classes
aren't more than two hours a day,

it has great teachers that help Maria,

And there are groups that help with
nurturing the child's character.

And these are the things I think
make a difference in this age.

We met great people, thankfully.

So far, two years have passed
since we tried homeschooling.

If I were to pick three things to
share with you all,

the first would be that one day Maria came
to my office, and she met my boss, Diana.

We're close friends, so she
asked Maria how she felt.

She said, "I feel free".

Maybe that we because she didn't
have to wake up at a specific time

or wear a uniform.

(Laughter and Applause)

So I thought, maybe because she
doesn't have to follow a routine.

but the real reason is deeper than that.

What she meant is that
if she were to buy a pet,

it doesn't have to be a cat or a dog,

Why wouldn't it be a camel?

The idea of getting from the
narrowness of the available

to the expanse of the possible
is very important.

people don't always have to
think of what's available,

but also in what they need.

They could make something different,
that's what we truly wanted.

The second thing that
made a difference for us,

and I must say us because I felt I
learned along with her,

was seeking knowledge.

I don't know when knowledge
became imposed,

or had a certain time,
from this till that hour,

or had a certain season:

we study in the winter, then forget
everything by the summer,

and only in certain places.

But for us, knowledge
became something required

and continuous.

From a thought brought up in
conversation with grandma,

till going to an educational
institution to learn more.

But, this only happens to
people who seek knowledge.

The third thing is exploration.

Which is important. We didn't only
explore our surroundings in our journey

Maria also discovered her priorities
when it comes to learning,

how she wants to learn.

For example, She likes theater and
field trips the most.

But we also met people, and this is
an important point.

We also discovered our reactions to other
people's reactions.

For example, in a gathering, someone
heard that Maria doesn't learn at school.

That person had his education abroad,

and got the finest certifications.

After hearing about Maria, he stood up
and left.

He was completely against what
we do in our own lives.

On the opposite end of the spectrum
was the mom of Maria's friend.

She lives in another province,
not in Cairo.

One morning she came to Cairo to see me,

and said, "Of course you can't bring
Maria,

because she's at school."

I told her that she actually wasn't.

So she asked, "Where is she then?"

I told her she was at a herbs shop.

She asked, "Are you going to leave her
there until we're done?"

So I said, "No, actually,
she works there."

Before I could finish, she said

(Applause)

Before I could finish, she said:

"Did you take your daughter out of school
to work at a herbs shop?!"

and "Okay, good luck!." right after.

I truly thought she respected
our decision.

The point is to be in control in spite of
judgments and stereotypes.

Forget other people's perceptions.

However, the most important discovery
of all,

or the thing I hope my
daughter understands,

and I hope we all do too,

is discovering what you
truly want and need.

If Maria got nothing else
from all these experiences

other than being able to
follow her heart, amidst

the hustle and bustle of life,

and did what she feels responsible
for, what she feels right,

then I would be the happiest person in
the world.

(Applause)

The only thing that I'd like to say is,

when they told me about this TEDx talk,
I told Maria,

and she gave me one piece of
advice:

Don't encourage others to drop out of
school and go do something else.

Just let them know that
they have more options.

and that anything is possible.

(Applause)

Thank you very much!