ACOUSTIC SPACE

[Woman laughing]

[Man's voice] Do you understand what I am saying?

[Woman] No.

[Man's voice] DO you understand what I am saying?

[Woman] No!

[Man's voice] What do I have to do to make you understand?

[Woman's voice] Just give it one more twist and pull it hard.

[Woman] Hey! See Jody, I knew I could solve your problem.

[Man] A naked woman can solve any problem, erase any doubt.

It's the answer, Petey. Believe me.

[Woman] I wish I had an answer for your Jo, but you know those quirks.

Oh, yes. Very tricky. Very unpredictable.

[Man] We live in a very unpredictable world, yes but there are certain responses from
people you can't always count on.

The response to sex! I'm not making this up.

I'll make it up to you, Jody. Don't worry. Just don't drink the whole bottle.

Save me a drop and I'll come over later.

No, I am not kidding.

I am not kidding, Petey.

I've been in advertising for what, 9 years?

Believe me, I wouldn't be Creative Director if I didn't have my finger on the pulse of the consumers libido.

I can't put my finger on it, Jo. You seem a little distant.

I know, it isn't easy planning a party.

What do you mean that you aren't going to be a part of the this?

We need this account, Petey.

And the only way we are going to get it is with a naked woman.

I know you two are deep in conversation but would you excuse me for a moment?

I just wanted to let you know we are out of veal.

I didn't order veal.

Neither did I.

I just thought I'd let you know.

I gotta go.

Jody, I'll call you back. Don't get hysterical.

That's hysterical! Do it! Alright, bye.

[Sigh] That guy is so funny.

Michael...

Arlene...

I've been meaning to talk to you.

Yes..

I.. [Phone rings]

Hello, Jody..

What is the matter?! You know if planning this party is going to cause you so much anxiety, then I...

Wait a minute, where is he? I don't understand.

You threw him out?! When?! Oh, my..

Oh, my god! What did he say? [Waiter pouring water]

No, no. It's fine.

It's okay, I am just having dinner with Michael.

It's fine, it's fine. Don't worry.

Oh, honey. My god. I am so sorry.

I didn't know. How long?

A year?

Thomas has been cheating on you for a year?

Petey, listen.

[Arlene] I'm listening.

[Michael] I've got it.

[Arlene] I don't get it.

[Michael] Citizen watches. We know what makes you tick.

I still don't get it.

A naked chick wearing only a watch.

Oh, now I get it.

Billboards, man. Billboards. You see?

How could you see him? How could anybody?

No, you probably did see it and you repressed it?

I know we live in a repressed society, kid. But, let me tell you, underneath every repressed woman is a lioness

waiting to be released from her cage. And that's exactly what this new Citizen woman represents.

All she needs is her watch, man. Her watch.
You cannot deny it.

If there is one thing we are all good at, it's denial.

I'm telling you, it's going to be great. Get to work on it.

Yeah, right now. I want to see something as soon as I get in tomorrow morning.

Alright, listen. I gotta go.

I'm on a date with Arlene.

Yeah, we are having a great time.

See you later. Bye.

Honey, listen. I'll come over tonight.

Yeah, no. After dinner. I don't have anything else planned.

Not a problem.

Hey, can I bring you anything?

Some salad? Some veal?

They are out of veal.

Anything?

No? Alright, sweetie.

Yes, they do.

Bye.

What?

Jody just found out this morning that her husband, Thomas, remember you met him once.

Anyway, he just told her he's been having an affair and it's been going on for a year.

She was getting ready to throw him this big surprise birthday party and she ended up throwing him out instead.

That's what she's been trying to tell me this whole time.

Wait. It's been going on for a year and you say she had no idea?

Oh, she had no idea.

That's ridiculous. She had to have known.

Why?

Because.. Be.. [phone rings]

Hello?

Petey, can it wait?

Can it wait 'till...

Alright, I'll come back.

Yeah, I'll come back tonight, alright?

No, it's fine. We didn't have anything else planned.

Yeah, I'm sure. Let's just get it done tonight and we'll present tomorrow.

How's it coming?

What do you mean that you haven't started yet? Where's Cathy?

Isn't she helping you?

C'mon, guys!

Alright, alright, alright. See you later. Bye.

What do you mean she had to have known?

You said it yourself. We are all guilty of denial.

We've repressed what we don't want to deal with. It's all very Freudian but it's true.

You heard that?

Hey, it's my job to listen. Listen, understand, react. That's why the pay me the big bucks, baby.

What in your sick, deranged mind makes you think that a naked woman wearing a watch is going to make me go out

and buy one?

Because subconsciously, you want to be her.

Women are going to see this chick on a billboard, or ad, or whatever it is that reflects back to them,

a beauty which they most desperately desired to attain themselves and they are going to respond.

The same way they respond to Liz, or Clarol, or Cosmo, or fucking Jockey.

And, you know why? Because that's how needy you people are.

You're insane.

[Waiter] You called me?

Hmm?

You didn't call me? I thought I heard you call me. You don't need anything?

No, I didn't call you.

Don't look at me.

Fine. Whatever.

Are you sure you didn't call me?

[Arlene and Michael in unison] No!

What was that all about?

I'm never coming here again.

[Phone rings] Hello?

Petey! You're brea...You're breaking up. Call.. Yeah.. Call me back.

Okay. Bye.

Michael, I've been meaning to talk to you. [Phone rings]

Hello, Jody.

Lis.. Listen, I'm thinking and I don't think it's such a good idea for me to come over tonight after all.

No, I.. I don't want to get in the middle of things with you and Thomas.

I mean, you guys have been married for a long time and I just...

Well, I think you should try to work it out.

[Michael typing a text message, phone keyboard key strokes]

No, I don't think I am being preachy.

Am I being preachy?

A little bit.

I'm trying to give you your space, honey, that's all.

[Michael typing a text message, phone keyboard key strokes, sends text message]

Alright, alright. Yes, I'll be there in an hour. Probably something like that.

You barely touched your salads. Aren't you guys hungry?

She's on the phone.

I see that. Fun date.

Okay. Alright. Jody, listen. You'll be fine, don't worry.

It's only a man and they are interchangeable.

Bye.

Oh, she is so needy.

You see, there's my target. She'll probably buy two watches.

Did you take my salad?

Why? Did you want it?

[Phone rings]

Hello?

Petey, you were all over the place before. What's up?

What do you mean Cathy doesn't want to work on the project with you?

She's your partner, right?

You need an Art Director on this.

It offends her moral sensabilities as a female?

She doesn't like women being treated as objects?

You tell her I said that women are objects.

That's right.

And as long as they allow themselves to perpetuate certain stereotypes by posing naked or provocatively, or suggestively

and using their bodies and looks to get whatever the hell they want out of life, and succeeding quite well

for the most part, thank you very much. They will continue to be treated as objects

and they will continue to make a lot of money doing so. And so forth, and so on, ad infinitum.

Listen, listen, listen. I'm not making this up. I'm just telling it like it is.

and I am getting it from all ends. So, if she has a problem. Tell her to fucking call me herself.

Otherwise, get back to work or get the hell out of the way and let me hire someone who does want to be associated

with an award winning fucking ad.

Thank you!

Grilled tofu. Vegetables, and steak. Will you be wanting anything else?

No, I think we are okay.

I'd like mine to-go please.

What?!

I can't sit here with you another minute, Michael!

You know, I've been attempting all night to talk to you about breaking up.

What do you mean attempting all night?! We both have been on the phone all night.

Pardon me..

I know that we both have been preoccupied with other things. And to tell you the truth, I'm glad.

It's given me a lot of insight into who you really are. And, I gotta tell you, I don't like it.

What are you talking about?

Excuse me!

What?!

Now, now. No reason to get upset with the waiter.

How can I put this, Michael. I mean, I never thought you were perfect.

But tonight, tonight you have indisputably proven to me what a dick you really are!

Well, I don't think that's very fair!

You're a lesbian aren't you?

[Michael and Arlene in unison] What?!

It's all over her face. I could tell by the way she was talking to her friend all night.

"Deep concern." Furrowed brow. Why don't you just face up to it?

Who the hell are you to talk to me in this way!

Just answer the question. [Phone rings]

Do you dig chicks?

Michael, are you going to let him talk to me this way?

[Phone rings]

Well, go ahead Michael. What's more important? What's going on here

or what's going on there?

[Phone is still ringing]

Well, you have been deeply immersed in conversation with Jody all night.

She's my friend for Christ's sake!

Well, maybe that's what you have been trying to tell me.

Well, I'll tell you this. After tonight, I just may switch.

[Phone ringing]

I called it the minute you guys walked in!

Hello?!

Cathy?! Cathy!, Cathy! Listen to me, Cathy.

You have to get started with Petey on this thing tonight.

We're presenting tomorrow.

I don't have time for anymore dilemma bullshit. You can do all the moralizing you want

when you cash in your bonus checks.

Yeah, checks.

That's right.

Uh, huh.

I knew you would. I knew you would, honey.

Now, knock 'em dead, sweetheart like you do.

She's a whore.

Aren't we all.

Exactly. And, we are all afraid of the truth too.

We like it neatly tucked away where no one else can see it.

I mean, Jesus. Do you realize how much time we would save if we all just came out and said what we really felt?

Eugene O'Neill says, "We hide ourselves behind the sounds called words."

I was always more of a Harold Pinter man myself.

Didn't he write a play called "The Dumb Waiter"?

Yeah, but it had nothing to do with restaurants.

Anyway, I'm not so sure I agree.

About what?

The truth. I think we need masks to hide behind. It keep things interesting.

Otherwise, the show would be over before intermission.

Hmm.. You are pretty wise for a waiter.

Actually, I'm a writer. What is it you do again?

Advertising.

Yeah, I figured.

Really?!

Yeah, I thought about doing that for a while. Copywriting, you know?

What happened?

Too much bullshit. I hate bullshit.

Look at you talking on your phone all night doing business. That's bullshit.

What are you going to do? Technology. You don't have to wait for anything anymore.

Well, just consider me a Luddite.

You can keep your cell phones, your e-mails, your i-whatevers. I prefer to deal with people personally.

Mano-a-mano. You are so immersed, you barely even flinched when I insulted your friend tonight.

I had my doubts about her.

Marshall McLuhan calls it, "Acoustic Space."

What, being a lesbian?

No, what we are doing now. Talking. Unmediated all encompassing conversation.

He saw all this coming. Technology taking over our lives.

Let's not get carried away.

Just had to face up to what is a natural progression. Soon, there won't be any reason to leave the house.

I thought you'd be back.

You know what? The service here sucks!

Now, that hurts.

Michael, I want to make one thing perfectly clear to you. I know who I am.

I don't need a fucking billboard in the middle of Times Square to tell me who I should be.

And this is going to sound really cliché, but the truth is you helped me learn something about myself tonight.

I am in love with Jody. And it took an evening with you to make me fully realize it.

You're right. It does sound cliché.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

I'll tell you something else, Michael. The woman that her husband was having the affair with, that was me.

[Phone rings]

I felt so terrible about it, I actually wanted to tell you tonight, but you know you're just so distracted all the time.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm distracted?!

Are you kidding me?!

What about you and your little friend all night?

You sense a double standard here?

Phone's ringing.

Hello?! Who?

Oh, yes. Hold on a second.

It's Thomas.

Thomas?

Thomas?

Stop crying, Thomas. Please don't...

[Phone rings]

You had to know she was going to react this way. What were you expecting?

Hello?

She said she's in love with someone else.

Petey, what is it now?

Did she say who?

Go ahead, I'm listening.

I'm listening.

Thank you. Come again.

No, not urban. Think island.

Yeah, the water can be blue. Blue. Blue-Green, I don't care.

[Music plays through conversation]

[Arlene] She did.

[Michael] White sand.

[Music]