Body language, the power is in the palm of your hands | Allan Pease |TEDxMacquarieUniversity
-
0:20 - 0:23Good morning.
-
0:23 - 0:25Before we kick off
let's get a bit of light in the room. -
0:25 - 0:27So I can see the faces of the dummi ---
-
0:27 - 0:30the participants that we get later
and see where you are. -
0:30 - 0:32That's a bit better. Good.
-
0:32 - 0:35Everybody hold your right hand in front
like this in a handshaking position. -
0:35 - 0:39Uncross your legs. Relaxed position.
Right hand in front. -
0:39 - 0:41When I say "Now"
here's what we're going to do. -
0:41 - 0:43You'll turn to someone besides you
-
0:43 - 0:45shake hands as if meeting
for the first time -
0:45 - 0:48and keep pumping till I ask you to stop.
-
0:48 - 0:49Then you'll stop and freeze it
-
0:49 - 0:50and we're going to analyze
what's happening. -
0:50 - 0:51You got that?
-
0:51 - 0:53No time to think about this.
Do it now. -
0:53 - 0:55Pick anybody and pump.
Pump, everybody. -
0:55 - 0:58Pump! Pump! Pump!
-
0:58 - 1:00Freeze it. Hold it.
Stop. Hold it. Freeze it. -
1:00 - 1:03Keep your hands locked. Keep them locked.
-
1:03 - 1:05Person's whose hand
is most on top is saying -
1:05 - 1:08I'll be the boss for the rest of the day.
-
1:08 - 1:09(Laughter)
-
1:16 - 1:20And when you meet people
for the very first time -
1:20 - 1:22the first 4-minutes
of meeting a new person -
1:22 - 1:27you decide pretty much
80% of your attitude about it, don't you? -
1:27 - 1:30You decide in the first 4-minutes
of meeting somebody -
1:30 - 1:34if you'll give them a fair go, a fair
hearing or if you're going to reject them. -
1:34 - 1:36The first thing is likely to happen
is a handshake. -
1:36 - 1:39And I'm going to try a couple
in the front row here. -
1:39 - 1:42You get one of three feelings
when you lock hands with people. -
1:42 - 1:44First thing is -- it feels pretty good.
-
1:44 - 1:46I think you and I will get on pretty well.
-
1:46 - 1:48I think we could do business together.
-
1:48 - 1:49We're going to get on well.
-
1:49 - 1:52That was a good one.
Let's try a second one. -
1:52 - 1:53Okay.
-
1:53 - 1:55(Laughter)
-
1:55 - 1:58Just check my cash,
see if it's all still there, yeah. -
1:58 - 2:00Felt a bit intimidated there.
-
2:00 - 2:01Let's try the third one.
-
2:01 - 2:04Yes, she'll do anything I want. Won't you?
-
2:04 - 2:05(Laughter)
-
2:05 - 2:08Actually you all had roughly
the same handshake. -
2:08 - 2:11But you do get one of three gut feelings.
It has to do with two things. -
2:11 - 2:14One, the angle of the hand,
second, the power of the hand. -
2:14 - 2:16I'll demonstrate.
This gentleman in the front row. -
2:16 - 2:18Can you join me up here please?
-
2:18 - 2:21Yes? The fellow looking concerned.
(Applause) -
2:21 - 2:23Come up here.
-
2:23 - 2:26Here's your modern western handshake.
Here's how it looks. -
2:26 - 2:29It's been in this position
for about 2,000 years. -
2:29 - 2:32If you go back 4,000 years
to the Roman era, -
2:32 - 2:34on vases you would have seen it
looking like this. -
2:34 - 2:37That's the original position.
It has several significances. -
2:37 - 2:41So the troop leaders would meet
after battle or training. -
2:41 - 2:45They're always men, so this has remained
a male activity until recent times. -
2:45 - 2:47When they would meet they would do this.
-
2:47 - 2:49If his arm was stronger
it would go like this. -
2:49 - 2:51And you'd then say
"He's got the upper hand." -
2:51 - 2:53Upper hand is an ancient Roman expression.
-
2:53 - 2:56If he's got the upper hand,
his guys get the first crack -
2:56 - 2:59at the wining, the dining and the dancing.
My guys have to wait. -
2:59 - 3:01If it goes the other way
my guys get first crack. -
3:01 - 3:03If it's in the middle it's 50/50.
-
3:03 - 3:07This was originally done squatting.
Now we do it standing. -
3:07 - 3:10So the fingers are below the wrist
instead of above. -
3:10 - 3:12But essentially, we have the same position.
-
3:12 - 3:15So when the hands lock
if his hand is slightly on top -- -
3:15 - 3:18doesn't have to be right on top,
just a little bit. -
3:18 - 3:21I'll get a feeling, at a gut level,
and we think this is hard wired -
3:21 - 3:23because you've never been trained
to decode this. -
3:23 - 3:26But I get a feeling
he's coming on a bit heavy. -
3:26 - 3:29It feels like, yeah,
I think I get dominated here. -
3:29 - 3:30If it goes the other way,
-
3:30 - 3:34I feel like I got this sucker
all lined up, haven't I? -
3:34 - 3:37How do you create rapport
with a handshake? -
3:37 - 3:41Here are the two rules.
First keep your hand absolutely straight. -
3:41 - 3:44Second this takes a bit of practice,
particularly if you're female. -
3:44 - 3:47Give the same pressure you receive.
-
3:47 - 3:49So on a scale of 1 to 10.
-
3:49 - 3:51Let's say that 10 is a really strong one,
-
3:51 - 3:55and a 1 is four breakfast sausages. Okay?
-
3:55 - 3:57Now let's try it again.
-
3:57 - 4:00Okay, on a scale of 1 to 10,
yours is about a 7. -
4:00 - 4:03Mine's about a 7 too.
Therefore, it felt pretty good. -
4:03 - 4:05Neither got the upper hand,
the dominant hand. -
4:05 - 4:08And that's why at a gut level
we both felt pretty good. -
4:08 - 4:11I can see the look on your face.
That felt okay. -
4:11 - 4:12Yeah, that felt good.
-
4:12 - 4:15Yeah, that's very good.
-
4:15 - 4:17What happens if you meet someone
who's got -- -
4:17 - 4:20This time you're going to give me
a 9 and I've only got a 7. -
4:20 - 4:22So give me a 9 on intention.
-
4:22 - 4:23Now the hand
will go straight on top. -
4:23 - 4:27I've got to respond with an extra 20%
just to level it up. -
4:27 - 4:30If I don't, he's going to have
one up on me before we start. -
4:30 - 4:33He'll know it and I'll know it,
but not a word's been said. Makes sense? -
4:33 - 4:36Give him a round of applause.
Thank you. -
4:36 - 4:38(Applause)
-
4:39 - 4:43There are more connections between
your brain and the palm of your hands -
4:43 - 4:45then any other body part.
Did you know this? -
4:45 - 4:48More connections between the brain
and the palm of the hands. -
4:48 - 4:52Including men, ladies,
then any other body part. -
4:52 - 4:55So clearly, the palms have evolved
as an important part of human brains. -
4:55 - 4:59And they are. They make your bed.
They brush your hair. -
4:59 - 5:03They do small artwork.
They do handshakes. They play the piano. -
5:03 - 5:05They do more things
than most other body parts. -
5:05 - 5:08But here's my question to you.
When you're dealing with people -
5:08 - 5:11where you want to persuade them,
convince them, get them on your side, -
5:11 - 5:13you want them to say "Yes"
to whatever you're proposing. -
5:13 - 5:18Whether it's that job, or a date,
or just get your idea accepted. -
5:18 - 5:20Where are your palms as you're talking?
-
5:20 - 5:25This is something that most people
have never considered. Never. -
5:25 - 5:28After this session you'll consider it,
you'll think about it. -
5:28 - 5:31Later today you'll start to realize
why people respond to you -
5:31 - 5:34
in the way they do
that you've never thought about. -
5:34 - 5:36Here's what I'm going to do.
-
5:36 - 5:38I'm going to say the same thing
three times. -
5:38 - 5:42I'm going to change
only what I do with the palms of my hands. -
5:42 - 5:47I'll keep my body fairly still,
so I'm not using any other body signals. -
5:47 - 5:49And I'll keep my voice
as close to the same as I can. -
5:49 - 5:53I say as close as I can because
when you change your body language, -
5:53 - 5:55it's hard wired to your brain
to change how you sound. -
5:55 - 5:57I'll try to keep it as close as I can.
-
5:57 - 6:00And I'll use exactly the same words.
Same instruction 3 times. -
6:00 - 6:02Your task is to decide.
-
6:02 - 6:05Do you accept what I'm saying,
or do you reject me? -
6:05 - 6:07You want to fight me or go along with it?
-
6:07 - 6:09You want to say Yes or No?
-
6:09 - 6:11Okay, clear on this? Here we go.
-
6:11 - 6:15First instruction, don't do this.
Just imagine what we're going to do. -
6:15 - 6:18In a moment I'll ask the people
sitting in these seats here, -
6:18 - 6:20I'll ask you to sit on this side
of the room, please. -
6:20 - 6:22And I'll invite the people here
to take their seats. -
6:22 - 6:25Those in the back
come forward to the front. -
6:25 - 6:28And those in the front
can sit anywhere you choose. -
6:28 - 6:31Raise your hand if you feel okay
about what I'm asking. -
6:31 - 6:33Who's Okay? Raise your hand.
-
6:33 - 6:35Just about all of you
are prepared to do what I want. -
6:35 - 6:39You don't even know what that is.
But you're prepared to do what I want, -
6:39 - 6:42because you feel like
I won't threaten you, I won't intimidate you. -
6:42 - 6:45While it might look a bit silly,
this could be a bit of fun. -
6:45 - 6:46That's what our mind's thinking.
-
6:46 - 6:48I used a signal that appealed
to your ancient brain. -
6:48 - 6:53Let's try the 2nd instruction. Same words.
Same voice. Changing only the palms. -
6:53 - 6:56I'll ask the people sitting on this side
-
6:56 - 6:58I'll invite you to take these seats.
-
6:58 - 7:00The people here can sit over here.
-
7:00 - 7:02Those at the back come forward please.
-
7:02 - 7:05And those at the front
can sit anywhere they like. -
7:05 - 7:08Give me a word that goes with this.
What are you feeling, a word? -
7:08 - 7:10Feel like you're getting an order?
-
7:10 - 7:13Raise your hand if you got an order.
-
7:13 - 7:17Are you telling me that all I have to do
is change my palms from an upward position -
7:17 - 7:20where you wanted to do anything I wanted
without question. -
7:20 - 7:22I've turned them over
and now you say to yourself, -
7:22 - 7:27Hang on a minute,
this guy is giving me an order. -
7:27 - 7:29Well, maybe I don't want to do that.
-
7:29 - 7:32I'm an independent.
-
7:32 - 7:33I'll just check it all out.
-
7:33 - 7:37Make me laugh, funny guy.
-
7:37 - 7:40So now many of you are resisting?
Let's try the third approach. -
7:40 - 7:42I'll ask the people sitting in these seats
-
7:42 - 7:44if you come sit on this side please.
-
7:44 - 7:46And those people can sit here.
-
7:46 - 7:49The back of the room, you can
come forward please. Sit here. -
7:49 - 7:52And those in the front
can go anywhere you like. -
7:52 - 7:54Give me a word that goes with this.
-
7:54 - 7:57And not a gesture, a word.
-
7:57 - 7:59(Laughter)
-
7:59 - 8:01I guess that was a word.
-
8:01 - 8:03What are you feeling with this?
-
8:03 - 8:06This is more than an order.
This is a directive. -
8:06 - 8:10You have not choice and you're an idiot.
-
8:10 - 8:12So we tested this in a very simple way.
-
8:12 - 8:15We got an audience
to sit in a room like this. -
8:15 - 8:17We got a speaker to present a proposal.
-
8:17 - 8:21In 20 minutes they had to convince
the audience to agree with the proposal. -
8:21 - 8:24The speaker was instructed
to do the same thing 3 times -
8:24 - 8:27with 3 audiences same demographics
we just changed the audiences. -
8:27 - 8:32The first time the speaker spoke
primarily using palm up position. -
8:32 - 8:34That's how the proposal worked.
Here's the bottom line. -
8:34 - 8:36It would work for you, sir.
-
8:36 - 8:38It would work in Australia and in America.
-
8:38 - 8:40That's the way they did the 1st proposal.
-
8:40 - 8:43We moved that audience
and put a 2nd audience in there. -
8:43 - 8:45Same presentations given
to the same demographics, -
8:45 - 8:47but a different audience, using palm down.
-
8:47 - 8:49Here's how the deal works.
-
8:49 - 8:51It would work for you and you.
-
8:51 - 8:54It would work in the United States
and in Iceland. -
8:54 - 8:56Move that audience, put in a 3rd one,
-
8:56 - 8:58they get the same presentation
using finger pointing. -
8:58 - 9:00Here's the way it works
and the bottom line. -
9:00 - 9:05It will work for you, you and you.
And America, Australia and Africa. -
9:05 - 9:08Now we survey all three audiences
looking for two things. -
9:08 - 9:13First, w/ a simple test, how much
can they recall what the deal was about? -
9:13 - 9:15We were looking for how much
were they listening to the deal -
9:15 - 9:19as opposed to judging the speaker.
-
9:19 - 9:22Secondly, from a list of adjectives
they were asked to pick those -
9:22 - 9:25that best described
how they feel about the speaker. -
9:25 - 9:27You reckon there was any difference?
-
9:27 - 9:29You already know the answer, don't you?
-
9:29 - 9:32You know the answer already
without ever seeing the results. -
9:32 - 9:35That the palm up speaker
had up to 40% more retention of the deal -
9:35 - 9:37than the palm down speaker.
-
9:37 - 9:39Palm up speaker had the best adjectives,
-
9:39 - 9:41laid-back, friendly, humorous, engaging.
-
9:41 - 9:44Palms turned over, authoritative,
telling me what to do, pushy. -
9:44 - 9:47When the finger came out,
nobody could remember much -
9:47 - 9:49and they got the worse adjectives
about that person. -
9:49 - 9:52Now here's my question for you.
-
9:52 - 9:53What's you prominent position?
-
9:53 - 9:57You have a dominant position
of one of these and which is yours? -
9:57 - 9:58People never considered.
-
9:58 - 10:02But you've got one that you're using
when you're dealing with others. -
10:02 - 10:04Now is it up, is it over, is it finger?
-
10:04 - 10:08We know the palm down,
historically, is a power signal. -
10:08 - 10:13There's 4 times more power
in your hands facing down then up. -
10:13 - 10:15I think the famous example
is Adolph Hitler. -
10:15 - 10:18The Nazi salute with "Heil Hitler".
It freightened everybody. -
10:18 - 10:20How would he have gone
if he had gone Heil Hitler? -
10:20 - 10:23(Laughing)
-
10:24 - 10:26Nobody's going to follow Heil Hitler.
-
10:26 - 10:29That's scary, that's submission.
-
10:29 - 10:32Here's the good news about this.
-
10:32 - 10:36You can change and modify
your hand signals with a little practice. -
10:36 - 10:37When you first start to do this --
-
10:37 - 10:39What happens if later today or tonight
-
10:39 - 10:42you suddenly discover
you're a finger pointer? -
10:42 - 10:45You're talking with your friends
and you've forgotten this session. -
10:45 - 10:48They're watching your hand
and there it is -
10:48 - 10:52hitting these silly idiots on the head
knocking them into submission. -
10:52 - 10:53The thing about body language,
-
10:53 - 10:56it's an outward reflection
of your emotional condition. -
10:56 - 10:58All body language shows
is how you're feeling. -
10:58 - 11:02Whatever attitude or emotional you're
feeling is likely to be reflected -
11:02 - 11:03in gesture, movement or posture.
-
11:03 - 11:05Now the reverse is true as well.
-
11:05 - 11:08If you intentionally take
certain positions or postures, -
11:08 - 11:10you'll start to feel the emotions
that go with it. -
11:10 - 11:13For example, everybody copy this.
-
11:13 - 11:16Like a form of praying,
just lightly tap it back and forth. -
11:16 - 11:20Put a little smile on your face.
No teeth. -
11:20 - 11:23Call that your attitude.
How do you feel when you do this? -
11:23 - 11:25Yeah, you're hatching a good plan.
-
11:25 - 11:27You're pretty smart. You are in charge.
-
11:27 - 11:29The word for this is confidence.
-
11:29 - 11:32If you're feeling confident,
like I know what I'm talking about. -
11:32 - 11:33I'm in charge. I'm an expert.
-
11:33 - 11:36This one that may appear.
You may unconsciously use it. -
11:36 - 11:37But if you intentionally use this
-
11:37 - 11:41in situations where you're feeling tense
or nervous, it does two things. -
11:41 - 11:44First, when you intentionally
make the gesture as you just did -
11:44 - 11:49you start to feel more confident,
in charge. -
11:49 - 11:51(Sighs)
I'm in charge of my emotions. -
11:51 - 11:54Importantly, the person who sees you do it,
gets a feeling -
11:54 - 11:57you seem to know what you're about.
-
11:57 - 12:00You know, when I first met that guy
or that woman, -
12:00 - 12:02they just seem to have
a confident attitude. -
12:02 - 12:05Well no, they're probably intentionally
doing this to create that --- -
12:05 - 12:08to reassure themselves
and to make you feel good. -
12:08 - 12:10Fake it until you make it.
-
12:10 - 12:12If you keep doing this
as part of your repertoire -
12:12 - 12:15eventually when you do this,
you will feel confident -
12:15 - 12:18about what you're talking about,
even when you don't. -
12:18 - 12:20So you can go into politics.
-
12:20 - 12:22(Laughter)
-
12:24 - 12:26Here's my question for you.
-
12:26 - 12:29What is your dominant position?
Palm up, palm over or finger pointing? -
12:29 - 12:33Think about life today,
business and personal relationships. -
12:33 - 12:36It's all first about people.
Does somebody buy you? -
12:36 - 12:39If somebody buys you,
particularly the first 4-minutes, -
12:39 - 12:41they're forming up to 90%
of their opinion about you. -
12:41 - 12:45If they buy you, there's a good chance
they'll buy whatever goes with you. -
12:45 - 12:48What goes with you
is what you want them to do. -
12:48 - 12:50The other thing is also true.
-
12:50 - 12:53If they don't buy you, they're not going
to buy whatever goes with you. -
12:53 - 12:55Even if it's a good idea.
-
12:55 - 12:58Without that connection,
they feel that you don't like them, -
12:58 - 13:00or you're threatening or intimidating.
-
13:00 - 13:03Suddenly, they just don't want to say yes
to whatever you're suggesting, -
13:03 - 13:06even if this is a good idea.
-
13:06 - 13:09So you can practice palms up
where you want to get cooperation. -
13:09 - 13:11Sometimes you might want
a bit of authority. -
13:11 - 13:13You'll turn the palms over.
-
13:13 - 13:16If the fire alarm went off
in this building, I would say, -
13:16 - 13:20"Now here's what we're going to do.
We're going to go by that exit -- -
13:20 - 13:23I wouldn't say, "Here's what we
need to do. We're ---" -
13:23 - 13:27Because it would be
every man for himself if I did this. -
13:27 - 13:30So, by intentionally practicing positions--
suddenly, with the palm up, -
13:30 - 13:34you'll find that people start feeling
like they're drawn to you. -
13:34 - 13:36In fact as we've been talking
-
13:36 - 13:39I've been doing the Obama hug.
-
13:39 - 13:41We want to help the Americans.
-
13:41 - 13:43We want you to come here.
-
13:43 - 13:47Yeah, we love you.
Like your Mom or Dad cuddling you. -
13:47 - 13:48Like his predecessor who said
-
13:48 - 13:51We want to help everybody.
We want to help. -
13:51 - 13:53You, you and you!
-
13:56 - 13:59Body language
is an outward reflection of emotions. -
13:59 - 14:03If you intentionally take
certain positions and practice them, -
14:03 - 14:06it suddenly changes
how people perceive you -
14:06 - 14:08and it changes your own physiology.
-
14:08 - 14:11You start to feel different
about yourself. That's the great thing. -
14:11 - 14:13You can do things on purpose
-
14:13 - 14:16which gives you a better chance
of getting a "Yes" to the job, -
14:16 - 14:20to the proposal, to the idea,
to the date. Or better. -
14:22 - 14:25(Applause)
- Title:
- Body language, the power is in the palm of your hands | Allan Pease |TEDxMacquarieUniversity
- Description:
-
Allan Pease researches and studies selling relationships and human communication. He teaches simple, field-tested skills and techniques that get results. He delivers his message in a humorous way, which motivates people to want to use.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 14:30