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← Body language, the power is in the palm of your hands | Allan Pease |TEDxMacquarieUniversity

Allan Pease researches and studies selling relationships and human communication. He teaches simple, field-tested skills and techniques that get results. He delivers his message in a humorous way, which motivates people to want to use.

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Showing Revision 24 created 08/22/2014 by Elisabeth Buffard.

  1. Good morning.

  2. Before we kick off
    let's get a bit of light in the room.
  3. So I can see the faces of the dummi ---
  4. the participants that we get later
    and see where you are.
  5. That's a bit better. Good.
  6. Everybody hold your right hand in front
    like this in a handshaking position.
  7. Uncross your legs. Relaxed position.
    Right hand in front.
  8. When I say "Now"
    here's what we're going to do.
  9. You'll turn to someone besides you
  10. shake hands as if meeting
    for the first time
  11. and keep pumping till I ask you to stop.
  12. Then you'll stop and freeze it
  13. and we're going to analyze
    what's happening.
  14. You got that?
  15. No time to think about this.
    Do it now.
  16. Pick anybody and pump.
    Pump, everybody.
  17. Pump! Pump! Pump!
  18. Freeze it. Hold it.
    Stop. Hold it. Freeze it.
  19. Keep your hands locked. Keep them locked.
  20. Person's whose hand
    is most on top is saying
  21. I'll be the boss for the rest of the day.
  22. (Laughter)
  23. And when you meet people
    for the very first time
  24. the first 4-minutes
    of meeting a new person
  25. you decide pretty much
    80% of your attitude about it, don't you?
  26. You decide in the first 4-minutes
    of meeting somebody
  27. if you'll give them a fair go, a fair
    hearing or if you're going to reject them.
  28. The first thing is likely to happen
    is a handshake.
  29. And I'm going to try a couple
    in the front row here.
  30. You get one of three feelings
    when you lock hands with people.
  31. First thing is -- it feels pretty good.
  32. I think you and I will get on pretty well.
  33. I think we could do business together.
  34. We're going to get on well.
  35. That was a good one.
    Let's try a second one.
  36. Okay.
  37. (Laughter)
  38. Just check my cash,
    see if it's all still there, yeah.
  39. Felt a bit intimidated there.
  40. Let's try the third one.
  41. Yes, she'll do anything I want. Won't you?
  42. (Laughter)
  43. Actually you all had roughly
    the same handshake.
  44. But you do get one of three gut feelings.
    It has to do with two things.
  45. One, the angle of the hand,
    second, the power of the hand.
  46. I'll demonstrate.
    This gentleman in the front row.
  47. Can you join me up here please?
  48. Yes? The fellow looking concerned.
    (Applause)
  49. Come up here.
  50. Here's your modern western handshake.
    Here's how it looks.
  51. It's been in this position
    for about 2,000 years.
  52. If you go back 4,000 years
    to the Roman era,
  53. on vases you would have seen it
    looking like this.
  54. That's the original position.
    It has several significances.
  55. So the troop leaders would meet
    after battle or training.
  56. They're always men, so this has remained
    a male activity until recent times.
  57. When they would meet they would do this.
  58. If his arm was stronger
    it would go like this.
  59. And you'd then say
    "He's got the upper hand."
  60. Upper hand is an ancient Roman expression.
  61. If he's got the upper hand,
    his guys get the first crack
  62. at the wining, the dining and the dancing.
    My guys have to wait.
  63. If it goes the other way
    my guys get first crack.
  64. If it's in the middle it's 50/50.
  65. This was originally done squatting.
    Now we do it standing.
  66. So the fingers are below the wrist
    instead of above.
  67. But essentially, we have the same position.
  68. So when the hands lock
    if his hand is slightly on top --
  69. doesn't have to be right on top,
    just a little bit.
  70. I'll get a feeling, at a gut level,
    and we think this is hard wired
  71. because you've never been trained
    to decode this.
  72. But I get a feeling
    he's coming on a bit heavy.
  73. It feels like, yeah,
    I think I get dominated here.
  74. If it goes the other way,
  75. I feel like I got this sucker
    all lined up, haven't I?
  76. How do you create rapport
    with a handshake?
  77. Here are the two rules.
    First keep your hand absolutely straight.
  78. Second this takes a bit of practice,
    particularly if you're female.
  79. Give the same pressure you receive.
  80. So on a scale of 1 to 10.
  81. Let's say that 10 is a really strong one,
  82. and a 1 is four breakfast sausages. Okay?
  83. Now let's try it again.
  84. Okay, on a scale of 1 to 10,
    yours is about a 7.
  85. Mine's about a 7 too.
    Therefore, it felt pretty good.
  86. Neither got the upper hand,
    the dominant hand.
  87. And that's why at a gut level
    we both felt pretty good.
  88. I can see the look on your face.
    That felt okay.
  89. Yeah, that felt good.
  90. Yeah, that's very good.
  91. What happens if you meet someone
    who's got --
  92. This time you're going to give me
    a 9 and I've only got a 7.
  93. So give me a 9 on intention.
  94. Now the hand
    will go straight on top.
  95. I've got to respond with an extra 20%
    just to level it up.
  96. If I don't, he's going to have
    one up on me before we start.
  97. He'll know it and I'll know it,
    but not a word's been said. Makes sense?
  98. Give him a round of applause.
    Thank you.
  99. (Applause)
  100. There are more connections between
    your brain and the palm of your hands
  101. then any other body part.
    Did you know this?
  102. More connections between the brain
    and the palm of the hands.
  103. Including men, ladies,
    then any other body part.
  104. So clearly, the palms have evolved
    as an important part of human brains.
  105. And they are. They make your bed.
    They brush your hair.
  106. They do small artwork.
    They do handshakes. They play the piano.
  107. They do more things
    than most other body parts.
  108. But here's my question to you.
    When you're dealing with people
  109. where you want to persuade them,
    convince them, get them on your side,
  110. you want them to say "Yes"
    to whatever you're proposing.
  111. Whether it's that job, or a date,
    or just get your idea accepted.
  112. Where are your palms as you're talking?
  113. This is something that most people
    have never considered. Never.
  114. After this session you'll consider it,
    you'll think about it.
  115. Later today you'll start to realize
    why people respond to you

  116. in the way they do
    that you've never thought about.
  117. Here's what I'm going to do.
  118. I'm going to say the same thing
    three times.
  119. I'm going to change
    only what I do with the palms of my hands.
  120. I'll keep my body fairly still,
    so I'm not using any other body signals.
  121. And I'll keep my voice
    as close to the same as I can.
  122. I say as close as I can because
    when you change your body language,
  123. it's hard wired to your brain
    to change how you sound.
  124. I'll try to keep it as close as I can.
  125. And I'll use exactly the same words.
    Same instruction 3 times.
  126. Your task is to decide.
  127. Do you accept what I'm saying,
    or do you reject me?
  128. You want to fight me or go along with it?
  129. You want to say Yes or No?
  130. Okay, clear on this? Here we go.
  131. First instruction, don't do this.
    Just imagine what we're going to do.
  132. In a moment I'll ask the people
    sitting in these seats here,
  133. I'll ask you to sit on this side
    of the room, please.
  134. And I'll invite the people here
    to take their seats.
  135. Those in the back
    come forward to the front.
  136. And those in the front
    can sit anywhere you choose.
  137. Raise your hand if you feel okay
    about what I'm asking.
  138. Who's Okay? Raise your hand.
  139. Just about all of you
    are prepared to do what I want.
  140. You don't even know what that is.
    But you're prepared to do what I want,
  141. because you feel like
    I won't threaten you, I won't intimidate you.
  142. While it might look a bit silly,
    this could be a bit of fun.
  143. That's what our mind's thinking.
  144. I used a signal that appealed
    to your ancient brain.
  145. Let's try the 2nd instruction. Same words.
    Same voice. Changing only the palms.
  146. I'll ask the people sitting on this side
  147. I'll invite you to take these seats.
  148. The people here can sit over here.
  149. Those at the back come forward please.
  150. And those at the front
    can sit anywhere they like.
  151. Give me a word that goes with this.
    What are you feeling, a word?
  152. Feel like you're getting an order?
  153. Raise your hand if you got an order.
  154. Are you telling me that all I have to do
    is change my palms from an upward position
  155. where you wanted to do anything I wanted
    without question.
  156. I've turned them over
    and now you say to yourself,
  157. Hang on a minute,
    this guy is giving me an order.
  158. Well, maybe I don't want to do that.
  159. I'm an independent.
  160. I'll just check it all out.
  161. Make me laugh, funny guy.
  162. So now many of you are resisting?
    Let's try the third approach.
  163. I'll ask the people sitting in these seats
  164. if you come sit on this side please.
  165. And those people can sit here.
  166. The back of the room, you can
    come forward please. Sit here.
  167. And those in the front
    can go anywhere you like.
  168. Give me a word that goes with this.
  169. And not a gesture, a word.
  170. (Laughter)
  171. I guess that was a word.
  172. What are you feeling with this?
  173. This is more than an order.
    This is a directive.
  174. You have not choice and you're an idiot.
  175. So we tested this in a very simple way.
  176. We got an audience
    to sit in a room like this.
  177. We got a speaker to present a proposal.
  178. In 20 minutes they had to convince
    the audience to agree with the proposal.
  179. The speaker was instructed
    to do the same thing 3 times
  180. with 3 audiences same demographics
    we just changed the audiences.
  181. The first time the speaker spoke
    primarily using palm up position.
  182. That's how the proposal worked.
    Here's the bottom line.
  183. It would work for you, sir.
  184. It would work in Australia and in America.
  185. That's the way they did the 1st proposal.
  186. We moved that audience
    and put a 2nd audience in there.
  187. Same presentations given
    to the same demographics,
  188. but a different audience, using palm down.
  189. Here's how the deal works.
  190. It would work for you and you.
  191. It would work in the United States
    and in Iceland.
  192. Move that audience, put in a 3rd one,
  193. they get the same presentation
    using finger pointing.
  194. Here's the way it works
    and the bottom line.
  195. It will work for you, you and you.
    And America, Australia and Africa.
  196. Now we survey all three audiences
    looking for two things.
  197. First, w/ a simple test, how much
    can they recall what the deal was about?
  198. We were looking for how much
    were they listening to the deal
  199. as opposed to judging the speaker.
  200. Secondly, from a list of adjectives
    they were asked to pick those
  201. that best described
    how they feel about the speaker.
  202. You reckon there was any difference?
  203. You already know the answer, don't you?
  204. You know the answer already
    without ever seeing the results.
  205. That the palm up speaker
    had up to 40% more retention of the deal
  206. than the palm down speaker.
  207. Palm up speaker had the best adjectives,
  208. laid-back, friendly, humorous, engaging.
  209. Palms turned over, authoritative,
    telling me what to do, pushy.
  210. When the finger came out,
    nobody could remember much
  211. and they got the worse adjectives
    about that person.
  212. Now here's my question for you.
  213. What's you prominent position?
  214. You have a dominant position
    of one of these and which is yours?
  215. People never considered.
  216. But you've got one that you're using
    when you're dealing with others.
  217. Now is it up, is it over, is it finger?
  218. We know the palm down,
    historically, is a power signal.
  219. There's 4 times more power
    in your hands facing down then up.
  220. I think the famous example
    is Adolph Hitler.
  221. The Nazi salute with "Heil Hitler".
    It freightened everybody.
  222. How would he have gone
    if he had gone Heil Hitler?
  223. (Laughing)
  224. Nobody's going to follow Heil Hitler.
  225. That's scary, that's submission.
  226. Here's the good news about this.
  227. You can change and modify
    your hand signals with a little practice.
  228. When you first start to do this --
  229. What happens if later today or tonight
  230. you suddenly discover
    you're a finger pointer?
  231. You're talking with your friends
    and you've forgotten this session.
  232. They're watching your hand
    and there it is
  233. hitting these silly idiots on the head
    knocking them into submission.
  234. The thing about body language,
  235. it's an outward reflection
    of your emotional condition.
  236. All body language shows
    is how you're feeling.
  237. Whatever attitude or emotional you're
    feeling is likely to be reflected
  238. in gesture, movement or posture.
  239. Now the reverse is true as well.
  240. If you intentionally take
    certain positions or postures,
  241. you'll start to feel the emotions
    that go with it.
  242. For example, everybody copy this.
  243. Like a form of praying,
    just lightly tap it back and forth.
  244. Put a little smile on your face.
    No teeth.
  245. Call that your attitude.
    How do you feel when you do this?
  246. Yeah, you're hatching a good plan.
  247. You're pretty smart. You are in charge.
  248. The word for this is confidence.
  249. If you're feeling confident,
    like I know what I'm talking about.
  250. I'm in charge. I'm an expert.
  251. This one that may appear.
    You may unconsciously use it.
  252. But if you intentionally use this
  253. in situations where you're feeling tense
    or nervous, it does two things.
  254. First, when you intentionally
    make the gesture as you just did
  255. you start to feel more confident,
    in charge.
  256. (Sighs)
    I'm in charge of my emotions.
  257. Importantly, the person who sees you do it,
    gets a feeling
  258. you seem to know what you're about.
  259. You know, when I first met that guy
    or that woman,
  260. they just seem to have
    a confident attitude.
  261. Well no, they're probably intentionally
    doing this to create that ---
  262. to reassure themselves
    and to make you feel good.
  263. Fake it until you make it.
  264. If you keep doing this
    as part of your repertoire
  265. eventually when you do this,
    you will feel confident
  266. about what you're talking about,
    even when you don't.
  267. So you can go into politics.
  268. (Laughter)
  269. Here's my question for you.
  270. What is your dominant position?
    Palm up, palm over or finger pointing?
  271. Think about life today,
    business and personal relationships.
  272. It's all first about people.
    Does somebody buy you?
  273. If somebody buys you,
    particularly the first 4-minutes,
  274. they're forming up to 90%
    of their opinion about you.
  275. If they buy you, there's a good chance
    they'll buy whatever goes with you.
  276. What goes with you
    is what you want them to do.
  277. The other thing is also true.
  278. If they don't buy you, they're not going
    to buy whatever goes with you.
  279. Even if it's a good idea.
  280. Without that connection,
    they feel that you don't like them,
  281. or you're threatening or intimidating.
  282. Suddenly, they just don't want to say yes
    to whatever you're suggesting,
  283. even if this is a good idea.
  284. So you can practice palms up
    where you want to get cooperation.
  285. Sometimes you might want
    a bit of authority.
  286. You'll turn the palms over.
  287. If the fire alarm went off
    in this building, I would say,
  288. "Now here's what we're going to do.
    We're going to go by that exit --
  289. I wouldn't say, "Here's what we
    need to do. We're ---"
  290. Because it would be
    every man for himself if I did this.
  291. So, by intentionally practicing positions--
    suddenly, with the palm up,
  292. you'll find that people start feeling
    like they're drawn to you.
  293. In fact as we've been talking
  294. I've been doing the Obama hug.
  295. We want to help the Americans.
  296. We want you to come here.
  297. Yeah, we love you.
    Like your Mom or Dad cuddling you.
  298. Like his predecessor who said
  299. We want to help everybody.
    We want to help.
  300. You, you and you!
  301. Body language
    is an outward reflection of emotions.
  302. If you intentionally take
    certain positions and practice them,
  303. it suddenly changes
    how people perceive you
  304. and it changes your own physiology.
  305. You start to feel different
    about yourself. That's the great thing.
  306. You can do things on purpose
  307. which gives you a better chance
    of getting a "Yes" to the job,
  308. to the proposal, to the idea,
    to the date. Or better.
  309. (Applause)