What if you are afraid to disagree with people?

Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, Thay, answers questions on April 2012, at the University of Nottingham.

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Dear Thay, I would not like it,
I'd find it very unhealthy

to be in a place where
everybody thought the same.

And yet I very often
cause myself inner conflict,

suffering, and lack of freedom

because of my anxiety
that I do not agree with everything,

be that in a close relationship,

a working relationship,
or a spiritual practice, including here.

How can I free myself of this?

When we look at something like a flower,

although we are looking
at the same thing

but the ways we see the flower
might be different.

Everyone is looking at that one flower,

but everyone has a different feeling,
a different sight.

So, although we do the same thing,

but we can do it differently already.

I don't think we should try to have people
to think the same way we think.

What we like is that the thinking
should be productive,

the thinking should bring about

more understanding
and more compassion.

And there are
different ways of thinking.

It is like sitting meditation.

We should not want the other person
to do exactly what we do,

because that is another body.

The feelings in him or her are different.

So with intelligence,
that person should manage

and coordinate his body,
his feelings in such a way

that the breathing and the sitting
can bring the best thing to him or to her.

And the way that person does that
might be different from our way.

So we should not expect
the other person

to do exactly what we are doing.

We should only expect that she be able
to arrive at more peace,

more clarity, more compassion.

But the way might be different.

So we can be peaceful with that.

Because every flower is a wonder,

every person is a wonder.

And we should not produce

the kinds of thoughts and people
like we do with a machine.

So I think what we can say is

that what we really want is more peace,

more brotherhood and sisterhood,

more joy, more freedom.

And the way to produce
these wonderful things might be different,

and they should be
free enough, tolerant enough

so the people will be able
to do it their own way.

So they can combine the two:

you have this
and you have also that,

which is freedom.

Is it okay?

Thank you.

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