Why comfort will ruin your life | Bill Eckstrom | TEDxUniversityofNevada
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0:15 - 0:16So, I was on a roll.
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0:16 - 0:19I was an executive with a nice salary,
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0:19 - 0:21annual bonuses, and stock options,
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0:21 - 0:22all the perks.
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0:23 - 0:24Everything was on track.
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0:25 - 0:28And on Monday, January 7th, 2008
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0:29 - 0:30at three o'clock in the afternoon,
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0:30 - 0:34in a small conference room
on the top floor of our building, -
0:34 - 0:37the president of the company
wanted to have a quick meeting with me, -
0:37 - 0:40which wasn't unusual since he was my boss.
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0:40 - 0:43But the meeting turned out
to be even more brief than expected. -
0:44 - 0:45He fired me.
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0:47 - 0:53And I'll never forget how his words
just sucked the breath right out of me, -
0:53 - 0:57and I left the conference room
in a dazed state, -
0:57 - 1:01and I went home and curled up in my bed
in the fetal position for three hours. -
1:01 - 1:05And while I could go on
in vivid detail about how I felt, -
1:05 - 1:08what it did to my self-esteem,
my finances, and so on, -
1:08 - 1:10what I now realize is,
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1:10 - 1:15while that event created the greatest
amount of discomfort I had ever felt, -
1:15 - 1:17it was that discomfort,
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1:17 - 1:20the departure from my ordered life,
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1:20 - 1:23that forever changed it for the better.
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1:24 - 1:25You see, friends,
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1:25 - 1:27what makes you comfortable can ruin you,
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1:28 - 1:31and what makes you uncomfortable
is the only way to grow. -
1:31 - 1:32Let me say that again:
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1:32 - 1:35What makes you comfortable can ruin you,
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1:35 - 1:39and only in a state of discomfort,
can you continually grow. -
1:40 - 1:43Now, I suppose if on January 8th,
had somebody come up and said, -
1:43 - 1:46"Gee buddy, getting fired is a good thing
because now you're really going to grow!" -
1:46 - 1:49I probably would have smacked them.
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1:49 - 1:53But, pretty quickly I became motivated
to start a new journey, -
1:53 - 1:56and after a couple years
of work with my new team -
1:56 - 1:59and a PhD friend
at the University of Nebraska, -
1:59 - 2:00we had this epiphany
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2:01 - 2:06on how to illustrate and apply
the science of discomfort and growth. -
2:07 - 2:10We called the concept: the "Growth Rings."
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2:10 - 2:13The Growth Rings represent
living environments -
2:13 - 2:15that promote or hinder growth.
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2:15 - 2:18And that includes everything
from your place of work, -
2:18 - 2:20to even a fishbowl.
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2:21 - 2:24You see, what dictates
the size of a goldfish -
2:24 - 2:25is its environment.
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2:26 - 2:28And while this goldfish
lives in a very safe environment, -
2:28 - 2:31it's also very limiting in most every way.
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2:31 - 2:34And when placed
in a more robust environment, -
2:34 - 2:37like, say, a small pond,
this can be the result. -
2:38 - 2:40Now, it also means he could be eaten.
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2:41 - 2:43But friends, this is you -
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2:43 - 2:47the environments
in which you work, live, and play, -
2:47 - 2:50they're all a proverbial fishbowl
that dictates your growth. -
2:52 - 2:56So, the first Growth Ring represents
a low-performing, low-growth environment, -
2:56 - 2:58called stagnation.
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2:59 - 3:02Stagnation is understood
by having to follow too many steps, -
3:02 - 3:03and permissions, and minutiae.
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3:03 - 3:08That stifles creativity,
independent thought, and action. -
3:08 - 3:11To imagine an environment such as this,
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3:11 - 3:14think no further than our state
and federal governments. -
3:15 - 3:18Now, the antithesis
of stagnation is chaos, -
3:18 - 3:21also low-growth and low-performing.
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3:21 - 3:25Chaos can be caused by internal
or external events or conditions. -
3:25 - 3:28We see chaos occur at times
in business mergers, -
3:28 - 3:31natural disasters,
and horrific events like 9/11. -
3:32 - 3:36Chaos is having
zero predictability or control -
3:36 - 3:39over inputs and outcomes.
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3:40 - 3:42Coming back down the Growth Rings,
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3:42 - 3:46next to stagnation is
the most desirable environment: order. -
3:47 - 3:52Order is knowing that what you do,
or what is happening in your environment, -
3:52 - 3:54leads to a predictable outcome.
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3:54 - 3:58And in predictability, comfort is found.
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3:58 - 4:02But comfort is also
what makes order so dangerous. -
4:02 - 4:05Because science shows that anytime
you continually do something, -
4:05 - 4:08or even think about something
the same way, -
4:08 - 4:10you'll eventually stop growing.
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4:10 - 4:13And this applies to every living thing -
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4:13 - 4:15even our dog.
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4:16 - 4:19You see, if Aspen had a chance,
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4:19 - 4:22she'd choose comfort six days a week
and twice on Sundays. -
4:22 - 4:24(Laughter)
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4:24 - 4:26But too much growth-limiting order
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4:26 - 4:29would have prevented her
from becoming a therapy dog, -
4:30 - 4:32and had this been allowed,
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4:32 - 4:37think of the lives this gentle soul
would not be touching today. -
4:38 - 4:44So, before your order continues
to limit the way you think and act, -
4:44 - 4:46remember what I said earlier:
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4:46 - 4:49Growth only occurs
in a state of discomfort. -
4:49 - 4:51Now, think about the power of that phrase:
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4:51 - 4:55Growth only occurs
in a state of discomfort. -
4:55 - 4:59I can unequivocally state,
I wouldn't be standing on this stage today -
4:59 - 5:03without my uncomfortable,
order-disrupting day, nine years ago - -
5:04 - 5:09by the way I'm not recommending you go
get fired to see if it leads to a TEDTalk. -
5:09 - 5:10(Laughter)
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5:10 - 5:13When you feel discomfort hit,
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5:13 - 5:17that means you've entered
the complexity ring. -
5:18 - 5:22Complexity is nothing more
than changed order, -
5:22 - 5:27but when your order is changed,
outcomes are no longer predictable, -
5:27 - 5:31and it's unpredictability
that makes you uncomfortable. -
5:31 - 5:33And while most times
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5:33 - 5:38your visceral response to discomfort
is not just "No" but "Hell, no," -
5:38 - 5:41you can actually learn
how empowering it is -
5:41 - 5:44to consciously acknowledge discomfort,
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5:44 - 5:48and then, when appropriate,
choose complexity over order. -
5:48 - 5:51And I know seeking discomfort sounds odd,
and not many people do it, -
5:51 - 5:54but you have to learn to embrace it
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5:54 - 5:55because it's the only environment
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5:55 - 6:00where sustained
or exponential growth can occur. -
6:01 - 6:02Okay.
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6:03 - 6:08To weave high-growth complexity
into the fabric of your lives, -
6:08 - 6:11there are three primary ways
it can be triggered. -
6:12 - 6:16Complexity trigger number one
is it can be forced upon you. -
6:17 - 6:21When I got fired, I didn't have
a chance to stay in order, -
6:21 - 6:25complexity was selected for me,
and when this happens, -
6:25 - 6:27how much you grow
depends on how you respond to it. -
6:27 - 6:31Now, I could have remained angry,
I could have used it as an excuse, -
6:31 - 6:35but what I actually learned
is that I suck as an employee, -
6:35 - 6:40and I'm much better off accepting
the risks of running my own company. -
6:42 - 6:45Complexity trigger number two:
Someone can help you get there. -
6:46 - 6:52This is the role of parents,
teachers, coaches, and bosses. -
6:52 - 6:54Because left on their own,
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6:54 - 7:00people will consciously or subconsciously
select the comfort of order. -
7:00 - 7:03And they then need to be
pushed into complexity -
7:03 - 7:04in order to continue growing.
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7:06 - 7:10My youngest daughter
spent most of her high school life -
7:10 - 7:12training to play tennis,
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7:12 - 7:14and her coach was
pretty familiar with our work -
7:14 - 7:16on complexity and the Growth Rings.
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7:16 - 7:19So, I called him up one day
to check on Maddie's progress, -
7:19 - 7:22and I was able to phrase
my question like this, I said: -
7:22 - 7:24"Hey, Lee, how long has it been
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7:24 - 7:27since Maddie's been pushed
deep into complexity?" -
7:28 - 7:29Lee's response:
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7:29 - 7:33"Hmm, funny you'd ask Bill.
We got there yesterday. -
7:33 - 7:35She broke down into tears
on the tennis court." -
7:37 - 7:38"Huh."
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7:38 - 7:43Well, knowing how tough my daughter is,
and the fact that she never cries, -
7:43 - 7:46told me she was deep into complexity.
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7:46 - 7:52But, friends, this is where critical
developmental decisions are made -
7:52 - 7:55because the old Bill,
the pre-Growth Ring Bill, -
7:55 - 7:59would have intervened and wanted to know
what was making her so uncomfortable. -
7:59 - 8:03Then I would have done everything I could
to try and get her happy again. -
8:03 - 8:05What I really would have been doing
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8:05 - 8:08is removing the complexity,
and putting her in order. -
8:09 - 8:12I actually would have been stifling
her development. -
8:13 - 8:19But the new, post-Growth Ring Bill
relished in his daughter's discomfort. -
8:19 - 8:20(Laughter)
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8:20 - 8:26And it was the coach's next words
that told me everything I needed to hear. -
8:26 - 8:30He said, "Bill, I've got to tell you,
it took a heck of a lot more -
8:30 - 8:33to get her to the limits
of complexity this month, -
8:33 - 8:35than it did last month."
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8:36 - 8:38Discomfort was causing her growth.
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8:39 - 8:43Okay, but what if you're not lucky enough
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8:43 - 8:46to live or work in a robust
high-growth environment? -
8:46 - 8:50What if you're stuck in order,
even worse, stagnation? -
8:51 - 8:53Well, the great news is,
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8:53 - 8:57everyone can trigger
complexity at any time. -
8:57 - 9:02So, complexity trigger number three:
Trigger it yourself. -
9:04 - 9:07Take a journey with me
back to Montgomery, Alabama -
9:07 - 9:09in the 1950s.
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9:09 - 9:13Imagine, if you will
a young girl, who's black, -
9:13 - 9:15and she attends an all-black high school.
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9:15 - 9:17And she takes the city bus
to get there and home, -
9:17 - 9:19which wasn't unusual in that era.
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9:19 - 9:24And on March 2, 1955,
she boards a bus to come home from school, -
9:24 - 9:26and she sits near the back,
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9:26 - 9:29in the first row of seats
where blacks were allowed to sit. -
9:30 - 9:32And as the bus continues
to fill with white people, -
9:32 - 9:35there's eventually
no more room in the front. -
9:35 - 9:37And according to local law
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9:37 - 9:42she needed to move further back
to create room for white people to sit. -
9:42 - 9:45You see, Montgomery had an order in place
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9:45 - 9:49that when followed,
led to a very predictable outcome: -
9:50 - 9:53repression of people with little conflict.
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9:54 - 9:57But 15-year-old Claudette Colvin
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9:57 - 10:00had just spent the last month
in high school studying black history, -
10:00 - 10:05and she was understandably fed up
with the historic and existing atrocities. -
10:05 - 10:10And so on this day, she decided
she didn't like Montgomery's order, -
10:11 - 10:13and by refusing to give up her seat,
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10:13 - 10:19she sent a community, our laws,
and our entire country into complexity. -
10:20 - 10:25Yes, nine months before Rosa Parks
made her famous decision to stay put, -
10:25 - 10:27it was a 15-year-old girl
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10:27 - 10:30that was handcuffed, dragged
from the bus, and taken to prison. -
10:31 - 10:34It was Miss Colvin, not Rosa Parks,
who first fought the law, -
10:34 - 10:36and by the way,
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10:36 - 10:39was also the star plaintiff to testify
in the famous lawsuit -
10:39 - 10:42that went all the way
to the US Supreme Court. -
10:43 - 10:44So,
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10:45 - 10:50I use Claudette's actions
not to heighten awareness of race issues, -
10:50 - 10:52although that's not necessarily bad,
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10:52 - 10:55but I used it as an example
of every issue, -
10:55 - 10:58of every situation
in an ordered environment. -
10:58 - 11:03It's a real and perfect example
of complexity forcing people, -
11:03 - 11:06our communities,
and our courts into discomfort, -
11:06 - 11:09and the downstream impact that can occur
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11:09 - 11:13anytime someone elects to move from order.
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11:14 - 11:21Dr. Serene Jones, in a recent book,
summarizes this concept very eloquently. -
11:21 - 11:24She said: "The constant facade of order
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11:24 - 11:28hides the wilderness that is craving
to seep out and teach us -
11:28 - 11:31that life wasn't created
to be what we think it is. -
11:32 - 11:35Beyond words, we must
experience the wilderness -
11:35 - 11:39to be taught what cannot
be otherwise known." -
11:40 - 11:42So, friends,
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11:42 - 11:45it's not the discomfort of losing a job,
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11:46 - 11:48it's not having a child break down
on the tennis court, -
11:48 - 11:52but it's order you should fear the most
because it is a threat. -
11:52 - 11:54And order-disrupting people
-
11:54 - 12:00like Jesus, Galileo,
Claudette Colvin, Aspen's trainer, -
12:00 - 12:03and maybe even a few of you
have already proven - -
12:03 - 12:05now, think about this -
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12:06 - 12:09it's not the complexity-triggering
individuals or events -
12:09 - 12:11you should fear the most,
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12:12 - 12:17but it's your own willingness
to accept or seek discomfort -
12:17 - 12:20that will dictate the growth
of not just you, -
12:20 - 12:22but our entire world.
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12:23 - 12:26Thank you very much
for allowing me to be a part of this. -
12:26 - 12:28(Applause)
- Title:
- Why comfort will ruin your life | Bill Eckstrom | TEDxUniversityofNevada
- Description:
-
After documenting and researching over 50,000 coaching interactions in the workplace, Bill Eckstrom shares life-altering, personal and professional development ideas through the introduction of the "Growth Rings." The rings illustrate how dangerous it can be to remain in a state of comfort and how being in discomfort is the only way to sustain growth. You’ll be amazed at the world-changing outcomes discomfort can have on your life and the lives of others.
Bill Eckstrom is an entrepreneur, author, speaker, outdoorsman and father of three. With a passion deeply rooted in growth and development, Bill has always been fascinated by the role a coach has on the performance of individuals and teams. As a result, he founded the EcSell Institute whose sole focus is to educate, track and measure coaching effectiveness for leaders within organizations around the world. This has led to hundreds of keynotes, published articles and e-books created from the research and documentation of coaching interactions and outcomes. You can learn more about the EcSell Institute here: https://www.ecsellinstitute.com/
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 12:35
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Edited 10/02/2017 - a few typos fixed