The F word: how feminism saved my life | Marisa McGrath | TEDxOhioStateUniversity

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences.

In this talk, Marisa McGrath talks about her perspective on feminism as an undergraduate student. Initially rejecting feminism due to the negative stereotypes with which it is associated, Marisa found solace in feminism after combating a series of unfortunate events. With feminism, Marisa was able to grow and flourish.

The F word, some people love it,
and they use it all the time.

Other people hate it, and they refrain
from using it at any cost.

In either case, guys,

we know it's just tacky to use
the F word in front of your mom.

The F word, we all know it:

f--, f--, feminism, feminism.

Growing up,
I always identified as a feminist.

I heard the word
for the first time in grade school

and granted my understanding
was incredibly limited,

but I knew that it involved
Susan B. Anthony,

and it involved men and women

being entitled to the same social,
economic, and political rights.

And what's wrong with that?
What's controversial about that?

So I was on board.

I don't think that there are

a lot of grade schoolers
who are declaring themselves feminists.

So this identify
went largely unchallenged

for the majority of my childhood.

And then I came to Ohio State,

and I heard the word "feminazi"
for the first time,

and I heard about feminists being
crazy brow burners, and I thought,

"Oh my gosh, is feminism the new F word?

Will boys not like me if I'm a feminist?"

I started to freak out.
I was having an identity crisis.

But I knew I would find some solitude

in my women's gender
and sexuality studies class,

only I hated that class.

I hated every second of it.

Because I thought that I was going into
a class that would talk about equality,

but my professor challenged me
to look at more

and see how we are not one identity,

but standing at the intersection
of many identities,

including race and ability,

and religion, and gender,
and class, and many others.

Intersectional feminism
is what she called it.

Between intersectional feminism
and peer pressure,

I was so overwhelmed
that I rejected the term entirely.

I decided, "No, I'm not going to be
a feminist. Instead, I'm a humanist."

While I don't have a problem
with the word humanist,

it fails to address gender
as an underlying problem

that at the very least, means

that women are paid less than men
for most jobs on average,

and at the most, means that being born
female is a deadly condition.

It's important to acknowledge
that I was able to stay blind

to most of oppressive things
because I live in a privileged bubble.

And within this privilege as a white,
middle class woman

attending an institution
of higher learning,

I didn't have to look
at many problems in the world.

But the thing about gender violence,
and more specifically, sexual violence,

is that it knows no intersection,
pops every bubble.

And at the end of my freshman year
of college, I was sexually assaulted.

I can't describe to you how quickly
I wanted to dive into numbness,

get away from the incalculable shame
that weighted on my entire being.

I wonder if people could smell on my skin
that I was now damaged goods,

and I tried to twist this story

into some toxic narrative
where it was my fault.

I told myself, "Attempted rape
isn't sexual assault."

And one night became too much to bear.

I decided to ignore my experience,

thinking that it would erase it entirely,
when in fact the opposite happened.

It metastasized.

It metastasized into an eating disorder,
severe depression, and suicidal thoughts,

all attempts to destroy
the site of the damage,

the scene of the crime, my body.

Moreover, I made myself so busy.
I never had to look my trauma in the face.

I make no excuses or apologies
for surviving in the only way I knew how,

but I did lash out at everyone I loved
and cared about that year,

and for that I'm sorry.

My sophomore year of college
was frenzied chaos, and by the end of it,

I was looking for something to hold onto.

So naturally, I went to Pinterest.

But, instead of looking
at how to style my hair

or how to sculpt my body for spring break,

I decided to look
for inspirational quotes,

and what I found was bell hooks

and Audre Lorde, Tina Fey
and Gloria Steinem.

And from these words
that I could take shelter in,

I made entire Pinterest boards,

and from those boards,
I read books by incredible feminists.

And all of a sudden, I began to feel
the mending of a disjointed self

of someone I thought was broken,
but was actually just bruised from trauma.

These books echoed
that it wasn't my fault.

And after I began to feel so good,
I had a crazy realization,

I'm a feminist.

Had I been this way all along?
Oh my gosh, guys.

So I e-mailed my professor
from my first Women's Studies class

and said, "I'm a feminist.
How do I get more involved in this?"

She helped me
out of Women's Studies major,

and from there I began to dissect
my trauma even more,

understanding that for as agonizing as
it has been for me,

my trauma is indicative of a pandemic
of a rape culture we live in that says,

"My dress is a yes

and that any man who pays attention
to me is entitled to my body."

Once I started excavating my experiences,
I started looking at other intersections

and seeing how they're all valid
and how we are all tied together,

that in fact, feminism is for everybody.

I became so passionate about feminism
that I applied for this talk,

frankly, never thinking
that I would get accepted.

And when I met
the other speakers here today,

and I realized they were bringing
their whole selves to this stage,

I realized it would be a disservice
to myself not to do the same

and a dishonor to my experience
not to speak out.

This was difficult because I had only told
three people up until this point,

and I wondered how I am going
to summon the courage

to tell my mother
that I was sexually assaulted?

How am I going to navigate
through people saying,

"Attempted rate isn't sexual assault"?
Or worse yet, "You were asking for it."

And when I started to doubt myself,
started to feel myself sink,

I went back to those Pinterest boards,
and I thought about my two little sisters.

And that if they weathered the trauma
that I have weathered,

if they stood in the shoes
I am standing in,

I would want them to know
that they don't owe anyone their story.

That although
it is indicative of a pandemic,

it doesn't make it public property.

But at the same time,

they shouldn't be caged
into silence by shame.

There is nothing shameful about survival.

There is nothing shameful
about being a feminist.

The purpose of my talk today
is not to recruit you all to be feminists,

but to simply disabuse us of this notion

that feminism is the new F word,
that it is bad and wrong.

Because feminism
is for everybody, and at most,

has the capacity to change the world.

And at the very least, feminism,
the F word, saved my life.

Thank you.

(Applause)