Van Wilder 2 FULL MOVE (11 Subtitles)
-
0:48 - 0:50TAJ: The legendary Van Wilder
was my mentor. -
0:50 - 0:54He enabled me to become the king of cool
at Coolidge College. -
0:54 - 0:57Thanks to his many insightful life lessons,
like, "Two's company, -
0:57 - 1:00"and three is only good
if there's no class the next day." -
1:00 - 1:03I'm now going to England to take the path
of another great man, my father, -
1:03 - 1:07and continue my academic studies
at Camford University. -
1:07 - 1:12After pursuing my degree in history,
I'll go ahead -
1:12 - 1:15and get a minor in major muff-munching.
-
1:15 - 1:18You're not listening to anything
I'm saying, are you? -
1:18 - 1:25Not a word,
Mr. Minor-in-Major-Muff-Munching. -
1:25 - 1:28- FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Chicken or fish?
- Yes, I'll have the chicken, please. -
1:28 - 1:31Enjoy your meal.
-
1:31 - 1:33- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome. -
1:33 - 1:35All right.
-
1:35 - 1:39FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Chicken or fish?
MAN: Chicken. -
1:39 - 1:40- Excuse me.
- Yes? -
1:40 - 1:43Is that Madame Mandira's Homemade
Bombay Hot Sauce? -
1:43 - 1:45No way, you know it?
-
1:45 - 1:49Habanero and cayenne peppers mixed
with lime juice, vinegar, onions and salt. -
1:49 - 1:51From the great Calcutta Salt Lake?
-
1:51 - 1:55Would you like some?
-
1:55 - 1:57Sorry. I'm so clumsy.
-
1:57 - 2:05(MOANING)
-
2:05 - 2:10Sorry. I have this thing for spices.
-
2:10 - 2:14(STAMMERING) You have "a thing"?
-
2:14 - 2:22Well...
-
2:22 - 2:27You want some of this, don't you,
you dirty little whore? -
2:27 - 2:30(MOANING)
-
2:30 - 2:36Come and get it.
-
2:36 - 2:39(GROANING)
-
2:39 - 2:44Don't stop.
-
2:44 - 2:50Don't stop.
-
2:50 - 2:54Don't stop.
-
2:54 - 2:58(UNZIPPING)
-
2:58 - 3:01- I said, "Don't stop."
- Okay, okay. -
3:01 - 3:04Not stopping.
-
3:04 - 3:10Oh, yeah? Yeah?
You like hot sauce on your kebabs, cookie? -
3:10 - 3:13Oh, that's hot. Oh, that's hot.
-
3:13 - 3:15Oh, that's actually...
-
3:15 - 3:22(SCREAMING)
-
3:22 - 4:00(BOYS WILL BE BOYS PLAYING)
-
4:00 - 4:03Smell that, Balzac?
-
4:03 - 4:06That is the aroma of higher education.
-
4:06 - 4:11The aroma of young minds
absorbing knowledge. The aromas... -
4:11 - 4:13Yes.
-
4:13 - 4:16The aroma of that, too.
-
4:16 - 4:19Let us make haste, my friend,
-
4:19 - 4:22to the fraternal house
where my family name became legend. -
4:22 - 4:23Come on.
-
4:23 - 4:45(BOYS WILL BE BOYS
CONTINUES PLAYING) -
4:45 - 4:47"May driving on the wrong side
of the road, -
4:47 - 4:49"lead you down the right path.
-
4:49 - 5:19"Write that down. Van."
-
5:19 - 5:21Well, well, well. What do we have here?
-
5:21 - 5:24- Percy?
- 2:30... -
5:24 - 5:28Taj Mahal
-
5:28 - 5:30Badalandabad.
-
5:30 - 5:32Wow.
-
5:32 - 5:35It's even more magnificent
than I imagined it. -
5:35 - 5:37Isn't that right, Balzac?
-
5:37 - 5:38Balzac?
-
5:38 - 5:42Oh, shit! Balzac, that's no way
to make a first impression. -
5:42 - 5:46Lick it up.
-
5:46 - 6:09- Welcome to the house of Fox and Hounds.
- Welcome to the house of Fox and Hounds. -
6:09 - 6:11Good afternoon.
-
6:11 - 6:14Pip Everett, Earl of Grey. How do you do?
-
6:14 - 6:16I do very well, thank you.
-
6:16 - 6:19Splendid. How may we help you?
-
6:19 - 6:22My name is Taj Mahal Badalandabad,
your newest and proudest member. -
6:22 - 6:25Fantastic. Fantastic.
-
6:25 - 6:28- Come and meet the guys.
- Sure. -
6:28 - 6:30This is incredible.
-
6:30 - 6:33The oldest and finest fraternal guild
in all of England. -
6:33 - 6:35You know, I've been dreaming of this day
since I was a boy. -
6:35 - 6:37- Champagne?
- Thank you. -
6:37 - 6:40Since my father, Dilip,
who was known by his fellow Hounds -
6:40 - 6:42as the Womb Broom Badalandabad,
-
6:42 - 6:43(MEN LAUGHING)
-
6:43 - 6:52would tell me stories about his time here
during the swinging '60s. -
6:52 - 6:55(GIRLS SCREAMING)
-
6:55 - 6:59Quiet. Quiet, quiet, please.
-
6:59 - 7:03Now, it has been enjoyable
-
7:03 - 7:05shagging all of you groovy chicks.
-
7:05 - 7:09But the further spreading
of my baby gravy -
7:09 - 7:11will have to wait.
-
7:11 - 7:12(GIRLS SCREAMING)
-
7:12 - 7:13Good show. Good show.
-
7:13 - 7:16And we're equally excited
to have you as one of our members. -
7:16 - 7:17Welcome.
-
7:17 - 7:18Ladies, perhaps you could show
-
7:18 - 7:22Sir Womb Broom the Second
to his new room. -
7:22 - 7:23- Our pleasure.
- Our pleasure. -
7:23 - 7:27Thank you, ladies.
-
7:27 - 7:30You know,
something about you reminds me of you. -
7:30 - 7:32Why?
-
7:32 - 7:34- PIP: Mr. Badalandabad?
- Yes? -
7:34 - 7:41- Might I see your acceptance letter?
- Sure. -
7:41 - 7:43Thank you.
-
7:43 - 7:46Usually put them
in the scrapbook or something? -
7:46 - 7:48No. Not usually.
-
7:48 - 7:50- Oh, dear.
- What's wrong? -
7:50 - 7:51This is very awkward.
-
7:51 - 7:54There seems to have been
a terrible mistake. -
7:54 - 7:56Typographical, you see.
-
7:56 - 8:00This letter's supposed to say
that you've not been accepted. -
8:00 - 8:02- What?
- I'm very sorry. -
8:02 - 8:04But please do pop in any time
and say hello. -
8:04 - 8:07But my father went here. I'm a legacy.
-
8:07 - 8:08Where else would you expect me to go?
-
8:08 - 8:11Well, I do see your quandary, old boy.
-
8:11 - 8:15I do know of one opportunity,
but it's only eligible for dongs. -
8:15 - 8:17Perhaps they'll consider a Taj.
-
8:17 - 8:21Dongs are what you Americans
so eloquently call teaching assistants. -
8:21 - 8:23Yes. Well, I am a teaching assistant.
-
8:23 - 8:25Yes. Here it is.
-
8:25 - 8:27- What is it?
- You'd be a head of house of sorts, -
8:27 - 8:31for a very elite group of students
in a dwelling called the Barn. -
8:31 - 8:33- The Barn?
- An architectural wonder. -
8:33 - 8:34- The Barn?
- One of the oldest buildings on campus. -
8:34 - 8:36- Is it red?
- No. -
8:36 - 8:39- Then it's not a barn.
- Yes, but it's steeped in history. -
8:39 - 8:42Good luck, then.
-
8:42 - 8:44You, too.
-
8:44 - 8:54Come on, Balzac. Ándale.
-
8:54 - 8:56Christ, he's got monkey nuts.
-
8:56 - 8:57- Did you see his face?
- The Barn? -
8:57 - 9:00I do believe that was the best one yet.
-
9:00 - 9:02- You were wonderful.
- That was a classic, Pip. -
9:02 - 9:05- Brilliant.
- Don't you boys ever get tired -
9:05 - 9:08of playing that same
crass, demeaning joke? -
9:08 - 9:11- No.
- No. -
9:11 - 9:15Another jolly good show.
I must say, it is so much fun being me. -
9:15 - 9:17Is that...
-
9:17 - 9:18(SQUISHING)
-
9:18 - 9:21Could someone please get me
some Tidy Wipes? -
9:21 - 10:09(GET UP, GET ON PLAYING)
-
10:09 - 10:12Well, Balzac, as Mr. Van Wilder would say,
-
10:12 - 10:17it's not the building that matters,
it's the people inside. -
10:17 - 10:34Come on.
-
10:34 - 10:38Excuse me.
I'm looking for the Barn residence hall. -
10:38 - 10:40- The Barn.
- Piss off. -
10:40 - 10:43Pin-headed squirrelly-looking bastard.
-
10:43 - 10:48Sorry for the intrusion, you hairy-arsed
dipso Paddy headbanger. -
10:48 - 10:51Hey, you're speaking the local lingo
right and proper. -
10:51 - 10:53What did you say your name was again?
-
10:53 - 10:55Taj Badalandabad,
your new head of house. -
10:55 - 10:58Taj Badalandabad,
that's quite a tongue-twister. -
10:58 - 11:00It's not that hard to say. You got it right.
-
11:00 - 11:03Yeah, but I've been drinking all day.
You want some? -
11:03 - 11:07No, I'm okay, actually.
You enjoy your backwash. -
11:07 - 11:10- Hi.
- Hi, you look funny. -
11:10 - 11:12- I'm Gethin.
- Hi, Gethin, I'm Taj, -
11:12 - 11:17your new resident advisor.
-
11:17 - 11:19Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
The house is such a mess. -
11:19 - 11:20I feel so ashamed.
-
11:20 - 11:23Please stop.
Don't call me sir and don't be formal. -
11:23 - 11:26This is a very informal setting
and, Gethin, stand up straight. -
11:26 - 11:29A man always looks more confident
when he's erect. -
11:29 - 11:31Now, what's all this?
-
11:31 - 11:33I'm a dual major.
-
11:33 - 11:36Maths/quantum physics.
-
11:36 - 11:39Following the tradition of
the great Stephen Hawking, huh? -
11:39 - 11:43Not exactly. Numbers geeks
don't have the hottest social life, -
11:43 - 11:47so I did a sexual statistics compatibility
survey with all the colleges in England. -
11:47 - 11:52Camford came up with the highest
nerd-per-willing-chick probability ratio. -
11:52 - 11:55The pursuit of the pink taco.
-
11:55 - 11:59Gethin, I think you and I are kindred spirits
in the search for the vertical smile. -
11:59 - 12:01- The what, sir?
- The vertical smile. -
12:01 - 12:04You know,
the scrambled eggs between the legs... -
12:04 - 12:05I don't know what that is.
-
12:05 - 12:06...the sunny-side-up
on the way to the butt. -
12:06 - 12:09GETHIN: Say again?
-
12:09 - 12:13Hello. What's your name?
-
12:13 - 12:17- Hello?
- Simon doesn't like to talk. -
12:17 - 12:18Simon?
-
12:18 - 12:19It's a pleasure to meet you regardless,
-
12:19 - 12:21and I look forward to hearing from you
-
12:21 - 12:24when you have something
that you would like to say. -
12:24 - 12:26How about you, Balzac?
-
12:26 - 12:28Hey, buddy. Did you meet everybody?
-
12:28 - 12:31Hey, what's up with the mutt?
-
12:31 - 12:33Looks like it's dragging
a pair of soccer balls. -
12:33 - 12:35He's a purebred English bulldog.
-
12:35 - 12:40It's English, is it?
That's why it's such an ugly little bastard. -
12:40 - 12:41- He can hear you.
- I don't care. -
12:41 - 12:43Why do you have
all that pent-up aggression? -
12:43 - 12:45I'm Irish and the English
have been giving us the shaft -
12:45 - 12:47for over 500 years and counting.
-
12:47 - 12:49Well, time out for a second. I'm Indian.
-
12:49 - 12:52And England invaded India in the 1700s,
-
12:52 - 12:54and didn't leave
until less than 60 years ago. -
12:54 - 12:59Until then, we were just another one of its
colonies, not unlike your Northern Ireland. -
12:59 - 13:00- Really?
- Yeah. -
13:00 - 13:02That makes us brothers.
-
13:02 - 13:06(BOTH GRUNTING)
-
13:06 - 13:10I'm dead.
-
13:10 - 13:15So I assume those are real.
-
13:15 - 13:20You all right?
-
13:20 - 13:22I'm sorry I lobbed you in the face, mate.
-
13:22 - 13:24Fancy a sneaky quick one?
-
13:24 - 13:27No. No, no, I think you've given me enough
sneaky quick ones for the day. -
13:27 - 13:28Thank you, Seamus.
-
13:28 - 13:32Sadie, this is Taj Badalandabad,
our new head of house. -
13:32 - 13:35All right, me old mucker. Have a shake,
then, I ain't got the clap or nothing. -
13:35 - 13:37- What?
- She means handshake. -
13:37 - 13:39Right. Of course. Of course, hi.
-
13:39 - 13:40Sadie is a cockney.
-
13:40 - 13:44Takes time to understand her.
Words fit in her mouth funny. -
13:44 - 13:45Lucky words.
-
13:45 - 13:47You enjoying your time at Camford, Sadie?
-
13:47 - 13:50Yeah, it's all right.
Blokes are a bit stuffy here, though. -
13:50 - 13:52I mean, I never thought
it would be so hard -
13:52 - 13:54to find someone worth
slurping the old panhandle. -
13:54 - 13:57You know, giving a blow job.
-
13:57 - 13:58Nothing like getting your tongue
around a nice fat one. -
13:58 - 14:00Sliding it in and out.
-
14:00 - 14:03In and out. In and out. In and out.
-
14:03 - 14:07Milking it like a cow until it explodes
into the back of your mouth. -
14:07 - 14:09I must have an amazing ear for dialects.
-
14:09 - 14:11I understood
everything that she said perfectly. -
14:11 - 14:15So, how long will you be staying with us
before you move to a better house, then, -
14:15 - 14:17Mr. Badalandabad?
-
14:17 - 14:20- I don't follow.
- It's all right, sir. -
14:20 - 14:22We all know we're losers.
-
14:22 - 14:24SADIE: Well, round here in this campus
-
14:24 - 14:27we're like crusty brown sheep dung
off an old work boot. -
14:27 - 14:29That's painting too pretty a picture,
if you ask me. -
14:29 - 14:31Hey, time out, guys.
-
14:31 - 14:35You know, a few years ago,
I was exactly where you guys were. -
14:35 - 14:38Almost.
-
14:38 - 14:39Not really at all, actually.
-
14:39 - 14:41But look, the point is
that there's potential, okay? -
14:41 - 14:44There's potential here. That's what I see.
-
14:44 - 14:48You know, sometimes it just takes a while
to cultivate one's own personal greatness. -
14:48 - 14:51- It's okay, sir.
- People always say nice things. -
14:51 - 14:59And then they leave.
-
14:59 - 15:04Balzac, I don't think I will succeed
as the sultan of snatch in this place. -
15:04 - 15:10All I wanted to do was spread a little
Badalandabad butter on an English muffin. -
15:10 - 15:14Well, Van, what would you do?
-
15:14 - 15:19(WOMAN MOANING)
-
15:19 - 15:25TAJ: Oh, yeah. That's nice.
-
15:25 - 15:43(WOMAN GRUNTING)
-
15:43 - 15:44WOMAN: Yeah.
-
15:44 - 15:47You like that long one, don't you,
Miss Nude America? -
15:47 - 15:49Yeah, you do.
-
15:49 - 15:51Miss Nevada likes it hard.
-
15:51 - 15:53TAJ: Yeah, scream a bit louder
for more points. -
15:53 - 15:55Crazy room.
Will you take a look at this place? -
15:55 - 15:56Hey, good morning, guys.
-
15:56 - 15:59Bloody hell. This must have cost a fortune.
-
15:59 - 16:00It's an investment.
-
16:00 - 16:03The coolest, most confident kids
on campus are living here. -
16:03 - 16:06- Who's moving in?
- The new you, Gethin. -
16:06 - 16:07The new all of you.
-
16:07 - 16:13And to celebrate, I got us an invitation
to the campus-wide inaugural ball tonight. -
16:13 - 16:16Black tie only. When should we leave? Oi!
-
16:16 - 16:17Where are you going?
-
16:17 - 16:21It's being tossed by that royal chutney
ferret and his chorus of nancy boys. -
16:21 - 16:23Yeah, translation?
-
16:23 - 16:27Pip Everett is the Earl of Grey,
14 spots removed from the Queen herself. -
16:27 - 16:29He also happens to be head
of the Fox and Hounds, -
16:29 - 16:30who are sponsoring the ball.
-
16:30 - 16:33Yes, I've met Pip
and I really wouldn't be concerned. -
16:33 - 16:36No, sir. You don't understand.
-
16:36 - 16:39Each one of us were invited
into the Fox and Hounds, -
16:39 - 16:43only to be told when we arrived
that there had been some sort of -
16:43 - 16:45"typographical error"
in our acceptance letters. -
16:45 - 16:48Bloody right.
Supposedly the bastards do it every year. -
16:48 - 16:52- Just for their jollies.
- This happened to all of you? -
16:52 - 16:54Well, you guys must be livid.
-
16:54 - 16:57No. It's pretty much the story of our lives.
-
16:57 - 17:01The story of...
I don't believe what I'm hearing. -
17:01 - 17:04Those Fox and Hounds douche bags.
-
17:04 - 17:09Those pubic-hair tooth flossers
have no right to tell us what to do. -
17:09 - 17:12We're going to show them... No.
-
17:12 - 17:15We're going show ourselves
that we can go wherever we want, -
17:15 - 17:17whenever we want.
-
17:17 - 17:21Now, we're going to this party
and we're going to look hot. -
17:21 - 17:43(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
-
17:43 - 17:46So they're rich, powerful and beautiful.
-
17:46 - 17:49Take away their good looks,
their money and their superior attitudes, -
17:49 - 17:53- and what do you have?
- Us? -
17:53 - 17:57My point, Gethin,
is that they're no better than us. -
17:57 - 17:59Have some courage, guys.
-
17:59 - 18:03There's an old saying. "Jumping off a cliff
only hurts if you forget how to fly." -
18:03 - 18:05Excuse me, sir.
I think the actual saying is that... -
18:05 - 18:08Well, it doesn't matter
what the actual saying is, Gethin. -
18:08 - 18:10It's the intent.
-
18:10 - 18:12Stand up straight.
-
18:12 - 18:13Now, where is Simon?
-
18:13 - 18:15He said he'd be here when he was done
fussing with his bow tie. -
18:15 - 18:21All right. Well, go, guys. Have fun.
Go, my little sparrows. -
18:21 - 18:52(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
-
18:52 - 18:55Would you like to dance?
Would you like to dance? -
18:55 - 18:57Would you like to dance?
Do you like to dance? -
18:57 - 19:02I'd love to dance with you.
-
19:02 - 19:06So lean, so strong.
-
19:06 - 19:08So virile.
-
19:08 - 19:12(LADY MULGROVE GASPING)
-
19:12 - 19:16Do you know I'm not wearing any...
-
19:16 - 19:22Lady Mulgrove, I believe Lord Mulgrove
was looking for you over there. -
19:22 - 19:24Pity.
-
19:24 - 19:26(LADY MULGROVE CHUCKLES)
-
19:26 - 19:28Lady Mulgrove loves her sherry, I'm afraid.
-
19:28 - 19:31Well, you know, I've never been checked
for a hernia on the dance floor before. -
19:31 - 19:38I have to say, the old lady's tremor
was actually mildly erotic. -
19:38 - 19:42Would you like to dance?
-
19:42 - 19:43Well, actually I have a...
-
19:43 - 19:45A younger sister you could
hook me up with instead? -
19:45 - 19:46Why did I say that?
-
19:46 - 19:48I'm gonna go slit my wrists
in the corner painfully now. -
19:48 - 19:50- Thank you. Bye.
- Wait. Wait. -
19:50 - 19:52Yes.
-
19:52 - 20:02- Why not?
- Great. -
20:02 - 20:04- So, I've not seen you on campus before.
- Yes, I'm nude. -
20:04 - 20:08New, I'm a new graduate student.
-
20:08 - 20:10- And how are you finding it?
- Great, actually. -
20:10 - 20:12It's fantastic. Everyone's really nice,
-
20:12 - 20:16except for this royal jackass named Pip.
-
20:16 - 20:17- Pip?
- Yes. Pip Everett, -
20:17 - 20:21the Earl of Grey, is a world-class jerk.
-
20:21 - 20:24- You didn't get on with him?
- No. -
20:24 - 20:25You would detest him as well.
-
20:25 - 20:27I would imagine that
only another bubble-headed snob -
20:27 - 20:31could stand to be in his company for
longer than it takes to suck on a Tic Tac. -
20:31 - 20:34Charlie, there you are.
Oh, I see you've met Haj. -
20:34 - 20:36Charlie?
-
20:36 - 20:40Or you can just call me
the bubble-headed snob. -
20:40 - 20:43So, how are things working out
at the Barn? -
20:43 - 20:47Very well, actually.
The residents are very special people. -
20:47 - 20:48Special, indeed.
-
20:48 - 20:50Take it back! Say you like Irish whiskey.
-
20:50 - 20:51Excuse me.
-
20:51 - 20:55(GRUNTING)
-
20:55 - 20:59Oh, go on. A little heavy snoggin' with
your husband's all you've been wanting. -
20:59 - 21:01I beg your pardon?
-
21:01 - 21:04You know what we ladies need, sweetie?
A good poke in the low whiskers. -
21:04 - 21:07Yes, the lower whiskers,
right next to the Scottish Highlands, -
21:07 - 21:09a favorite vacation spot. Excuse us.
-
21:09 - 21:13- No, Taj. I was talking about her vagina.
- Yes. -
21:13 - 21:16(GLASS CLINKING)
-
21:16 - 21:20I would like to welcome everyone
to the official opening -
21:20 - 21:24of the competition for the Hastings Cup.
-
21:24 - 21:27Why do they call it a competition
when we always win? -
21:27 - 21:32The Hastings Cup represents
all that is best in a university. -
21:32 - 21:36Camford's most gifted
have competed for 600 years. -
21:36 - 21:39And now it gives me great pleasure
-
21:39 - 21:43to introduce the winners
of last year's competition, -
21:43 - 21:51the Foxes and the Hounds.
-
21:51 - 21:53Thank you, sir.
-
21:53 - 21:54On behalf of my fellow members,
-
21:54 - 21:57I'd like to wish the other houses
the best of luck -
21:57 - 22:05on this year's competition.
May the best lads win. -
22:05 - 22:09(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
-
22:09 - 22:12Don't let that little Indian fellow
put you down, Charlie. -
22:12 - 22:16He's hardly worth putting a frown
on your beautiful face. -
22:16 - 22:18Why was he upset with you?
-
22:18 - 22:21I think he was rejected
from the Fox and Hounds the other day. -
22:21 - 22:24Poor bloke was devastated.
-
22:24 - 22:28You know, perhaps I'll have a word.
Cheer him up. -
22:28 - 22:31You're sweet.
-
22:31 - 22:33It's all part of being an earl, my dear.
-
22:33 - 22:35Constructive criticism.
-
22:35 - 22:37Seamus, we need to work
on your anger management skills. -
22:37 - 22:38Sadie, close your legs.
-
22:38 - 22:40We just need to figure out
exactly how much you can drink. -
22:40 - 22:44And, Gethin...
-
22:44 - 22:45Oh, Gethin, sit up straight...
-
22:45 - 22:46PIP: Excuse me, Raji.
-
22:46 - 22:48- My name is Taj.
- I don't care. -
22:48 - 22:51I just wanted to share
a little tidbit with you. -
22:51 - 22:53When my great-great-grandfather,
Rupert Everett the Third, -
22:53 - 22:56became the first governor
of the Indian colony, -
22:56 - 22:58he also took on a band of pet monkeys.
-
22:58 - 23:01But he used to keep his outside.
There's the door. -
23:01 - 23:04Please make sure it hits all of you
on the way out. -
23:04 - 23:05- Oh, Poop?
- It's Pip. -
23:05 - 23:10I know. A friend of mine used to say
that if you can't join them, beat them. -
23:10 - 23:34You might want to write that down.
-
23:34 - 23:38Hi, ladies and gentlemen.
I am Taj Mahal Badalandabad -
23:38 - 23:40- What the hell is he doing?
- ...and I have an important -
23:40 - 23:41- Holy crap. He's gone bleeding mad.
- ...announcement. -
23:41 - 23:44And in the spirit of the inaugural ball,
-
23:44 - 23:49I would like to announce the formation of
a new fraternal house, commencing now. -
23:49 - 23:55Ladies and gentlemen, please get
your first look at the smart, the sexy, -
23:55 - 24:00the very literal-minded,
wearing black tie only, -
24:00 - 24:01Cock and Bulls.
-
24:01 - 24:03(PEOPLE GASPING)
-
24:03 - 24:15(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
-
24:15 - 24:18GETHIN: We'll never be able to show
our faces again. -
24:18 - 24:20We're the laughingstock
of the whole bloody school. -
24:20 - 24:21To hell with the lot of them.
-
24:21 - 24:24What is with the lack of self-image?
-
24:24 - 24:27You know, we have the potential
to be the best house on this campus. -
24:27 - 24:28And I would go so far as to say
-
24:28 - 24:30that we could even win
the Hastings Cup this year. -
24:30 - 24:32How the hell could we win the cup?
-
24:32 - 24:35Seamus, winning the cup
is based on accumulating points -
24:35 - 24:38in academics, athletics and social services.
-
24:38 - 24:40- Now, Gethin here excels...
- SEAMUS: Hold on, hold on, hold on. -
24:40 - 24:42I'm a banged-up rugby player,
-
24:42 - 24:44she's a sausage jockey
for the price of a pint -
24:44 - 24:45Oi! And dinner.
-
24:45 - 24:48...and he's got the bleeding personality
of a toaster oven. -
24:48 - 24:52So, you've decided to accept defeat
before you've even tried, huh? -
24:52 - 24:56What if Columbus had done that
just because of a bout with seasickness? -
24:56 - 25:00Or if Babe Ruth had decided to walk off
after his first rookie season -
25:00 - 25:02just because of a little syphilis?
-
25:02 - 25:05Or what if Ravi Shankar had decided
to give up the sitar -
25:05 - 25:09just because he knew he'd be able get
a lot more chooch playing the guitar? -
25:09 - 25:16You guys, society has always stifled
those with great minds. -
25:16 - 25:19I believe in you.
-
25:19 - 25:22And you should too.
-
25:22 - 25:24Now,
-
25:24 - 25:28to the Cock and Bulls.
-
25:28 - 25:32I said, to the Cock and Bulls.
-
25:32 - 25:34ALL: To the Cock and Bulls.
TAJ: To the Cock and Bulls. -
25:34 - 25:38- To the Cock and Bulls.
- To the Cock and Bulls. -
25:38 - 25:39To the Cock and Bulls!
-
25:39 - 25:41Why do you insist
on manipulating the table like that -
25:41 - 25:47with the fist, coming down?
-
25:47 - 25:50- Morning.
- Morning. -
25:50 - 25:53You know,
-
25:53 - 25:55I was rather wonderful last night, wasn't I?
-
25:55 - 25:57I was here, too, you know.
-
25:57 - 26:01No, not the sex, silly. I was talking
about our dinner with Lord Wrightwood. -
26:01 - 26:02How do you think it went?
-
26:02 - 26:05Well, you fawned over his every word.
-
26:05 - 26:08I half expected you to get up
from the table and kiss his arse. -
26:08 - 26:10I thought it went well, too.
-
26:10 - 26:12And after graduation,
I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige me -
26:12 - 26:15with a recommendation
for a diplomatic position. -
26:15 - 26:18Pip, class isn't for an hour.
Come back to bed for a bit. -
26:18 - 26:21But I haven't done my exercises yet.
-
26:21 - 26:24- And I have to exfoliate.
- I can put a glow on your cheeks. -
26:24 - 26:27Charlie, hello. We did it last night.
-
26:27 - 26:33Wednesday. Our night.
-
26:33 - 26:36I don't understand
why we have to have a night. -
26:36 - 26:38Why can't we just do it
whenever we feel like it? -
26:38 - 26:40Because we're British
and we control ourselves. -
26:40 - 26:42Charlie, I have a busy schedule.
-
26:42 - 26:44And I'd rather not tell people
I have no energy -
26:44 - 26:46because I was off fornicating all night.
-
26:46 - 26:50Now, which shirt do you like better?
-
26:50 - 26:53Mauve or turbot? I like the mauve.
-
26:53 - 26:58But it is difficult with my jaw line.
-
26:58 - 27:01TAJ: "We have this day given order
-
27:01 - 27:06"to our Chancellor of the United Kingdom
and our Chancellor of Ireland, -
27:06 - 27:09"that they do respectively
upon notice here -
27:09 - 27:13"of forewith issues of writ
effective immediately -
27:13 - 27:17"that pigs and chickens
will no longer be tolerated -
27:17 - 27:19"in the House of Commons."
-
27:19 - 27:23Would anyone like to comment
on the House of the Lords journal -
27:23 - 27:30volume 64, August 1832?
-
27:30 - 27:32Yeah. Me, neither.
-
27:32 - 27:38God, this is boring.
-
27:38 - 27:42Everybody rip out page 32.
-
27:42 - 27:44- Sir?
- You heard me. -
27:44 - 27:47Everybody rip out page 32.
-
27:47 - 27:51You've seen Dead Poets Society.
Rip out page 32. -
27:51 - 27:55Come on, if you don't rip out page 32,
I'll fail all of you. -
27:55 - 27:59Yes!
-
27:59 - 28:01God, these things are so old,
they're petrified. -
28:01 - 28:07You know what, just throw
the whole damn thing out the window. -
28:07 - 28:08I think he's plumb sauced, he is.
-
28:08 - 28:12Sir, I don't think throwing books out
is such a good idea. -
28:12 - 28:14Yes, there you go, Seamus.
-
28:14 - 28:15See, everybody do that,
-
28:15 - 28:29and send these books back to the 1800s
where they belong. -
28:29 - 28:31- Come on, Gethin.
- No, I can't. -
28:31 - 28:35Haven't you ever heard of the expression
"in with the old, out with the new"? -
28:35 - 28:36Yes, sir.
But I think the actual expression is... -
28:36 - 28:40Oh, it doesn't matter
what the actual expression is, Gethin. -
28:40 - 28:42Why are you thinking
when you should be throwing? -
28:42 - 28:43Ejaculate your book.
-
28:43 - 28:46Yeah, go on, Gethie. Get over it.
-
28:46 - 28:47Give it a throw, limey.
-
28:47 - 29:00Come on, Gethin. Expunge 20 years
of oppression out the window. -
29:00 - 29:01(EXCLAIMING)
-
29:01 - 29:03(GLASS SHATTERS)
-
29:03 - 29:07Mr. Badalandabad,
might I see you out in the hall? -
29:07 - 29:11Certainly.
-
29:11 - 29:12Excuse me, class.
-
29:12 - 29:17Why don't you all read chapter two
while I'm gone? -
29:17 - 29:21But we haven't got any books.
-
29:21 - 29:24Have you gone
completely and utterly mad? -
29:24 - 29:26I don't know how you did things
at Coolidge College. -
29:26 - 29:29- You've been checking on me.
- Yes. And, frankly, I'm concerned. -
29:29 - 29:31And as your supervisor,
it's my job to make sure that there's... -
29:31 - 29:35Wait, wait, wait. You're my supervisor?
-
29:35 - 29:40Well, I... Let me just say then that
I am so enthused to be under you. -
29:40 - 29:44What I mean is that I'm extremely hard.
-
29:44 - 29:46Hard-pressed to...
-
29:46 - 29:48Mr. Badalandabad,
it really doesn't even matter -
29:48 - 29:50what you think of me or of the textbooks.
-
29:50 - 29:52Because if you wish to receive
your doctorate from this university, -
29:52 - 29:55you'll have to follow the rules
set forth by... -
29:55 - 29:56By men who what?
-
29:56 - 30:01Who wore funny boxer shorts
and garter belts and died decades ago? -
30:01 - 30:06Who never saw a man walk on the moon
or listened to Lil' Kim on an MP3 player -
30:06 - 30:08or watched muff-to-muff
triple-penetration cooch-munching -
30:08 - 30:10- on the internet?
- What does that have to do with anything? -
30:10 - 30:11Okay. Maybe, that was a bit much.
I'm sorry. -
30:11 - 30:14But my point, Miss Higginson,
-
30:14 - 30:17is that there is more than one way
to skin a mongoose. -
30:17 - 30:21History can be about so much more
than random dates and ancient artifacts. -
30:21 - 30:23It can teach us about ourselves.
-
30:23 - 30:26About our flaws, our hopes,
even our dreams. -
30:26 - 30:29And all I'm saying, Mr. Badalandabad,
-
30:29 - 30:34is that at this university,
there's only one way to skin a mongoose. -
30:34 - 30:36And it's my way.
-
30:36 - 30:46Good day.
-
30:46 - 30:48ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
-
30:48 - 30:51welcome to the opening event
of seven competitions -
30:51 - 30:58between our five fraternal houses
for the Hastings Cup. -
30:58 - 31:00They're bleeding huge.
-
31:00 - 31:04Guys, come on, it's badminton.
The game is played with a limp wrist. -
31:04 - 31:09How hard could it be?
-
31:09 - 31:11(THUDDING)
-
31:11 - 31:13Simon.
-
31:13 - 31:43You were saying?
-
31:43 - 31:47Okay. It is probably safe to assume
-
31:47 - 31:50that we will probably not
emerge victorious from this match. -
31:50 - 31:55However, it's very important
that we maintain our dignities. -
31:55 - 31:57Gethin, just get the serve in.
-
31:57 - 31:59- Fine.
- I have an idea. -
31:59 - 32:01Sadie...
-
32:01 - 32:20(INAUDIBLE)
-
32:20 - 32:28Simon, it's yours!
-
32:28 - 32:30ANNOUNCER: Game, Fox and Hounds.
-
32:30 - 32:33TAJ: It was not so bad.
-
32:33 - 32:37Okay, it was so bad, but why are you
refusing to look on the bright side? -
32:37 - 32:39Oh, we're going to bleed to death
of internal injuries? -
32:39 - 32:42No, we have made an impression.
-
32:42 - 32:45I mean, would you rather be
miserable and known, -
32:45 - 32:46or miserable and anonymous?
-
32:46 - 32:47- Anonymous.
- Anonymous. -
32:47 - 32:49Sir, I think we were fooling ourselves
-
32:49 - 32:51to believe we had
even the tiniest chance of winning this. -
32:51 - 32:54We're on the board.
We're actually on the board. -
32:54 - 32:55GETHIN: Yeah, but it doesn't
mean anything. -
32:55 - 32:59Everybody gets a point for entering.
We're still 499 points away. -
32:59 - 33:03Okay, Captain Optimistic, you are wrong.
This is a beginning. -
33:03 - 33:04(HORN HONKING)
-
33:04 - 33:06Oh, by the by,
-
33:06 - 33:09just because you're making
a spectacle of yourselves, -
33:09 - 33:11it doesn't mean you're not still invisible
to the rest of us. -
33:11 - 33:13That's great, Pip,
-
33:13 - 33:17because it's very difficult
to beat something that you cannot see. -
33:17 - 33:21Beat you? You and your sorry lot
aren't even worth spitting on. -
33:21 - 33:22Diarrhea face.
-
33:22 - 33:23- Sorry, what did you just call me?
- What? -
33:23 - 33:26- No, no, no, you definitely said something.
- No, I didn't say anything. -
33:26 - 33:27- What was it?
- No, I didn't... -
33:27 - 33:32- You called me diarrhea face.
- Really, did I? -
33:32 - 33:33(WHISTLE BLOWS)
-
33:33 - 33:36TAJ: It seems there's a time and a place
to hit people. -
33:36 - 33:39Yesterday was the wrong time
and today is the right place -
33:39 - 33:43and here you can win points
towards the Hastings Cup. -
33:43 - 33:46Hey, Coach, you need another player?
-
33:46 - 33:48This guy? No way.
-
33:48 - 33:52Oh, really?
-
33:52 - 33:54That's one way to do it.
-
33:54 - 33:56Welcome.
-
33:56 - 33:57PIP: Ladies and gentlemen,
-
33:57 - 34:01I'm sure our palates were titillated
from the last selection, -
34:01 - 34:04but I have an even finer vintage
to present to you now. -
34:04 - 34:10I must hand it to you, Charlotte.
You've done an excellent job with the TAs. -
34:10 - 34:11Thank you, Provost.
-
34:11 - 34:12It's always been my theory
-
34:12 - 34:15that as long as you're clear
with your rules and expectations, -
34:15 - 34:22people generally will fall in...
-
34:22 - 34:24Excuse me one moment. Sorry.
-
34:24 - 34:27The next cognac you'll be tasting is from
a 1793 bottle from the Loire region... -
34:27 - 34:31(INAUDIBLE)
-
34:31 - 34:32Of France. France.
-
34:32 - 34:37Of France. A fine vintage, as I was saying.
-
34:37 - 34:38TAJ: So, despite all of their money,
-
34:38 - 34:40all those statues
are actually completely worthless. -
34:40 - 34:42What is going on?
-
34:42 - 34:46Field trip. We're observing
the double-breasted, blue-blooded snot. -
34:46 - 34:47You're bird watching?
-
34:47 - 34:51No, no, no, we're observing
the behavior of British aristocracy. -
34:51 - 34:52Now.
-
34:52 - 34:54BRB.
-
34:54 - 34:57I told you to stick
to the assigned curriculum. -
34:57 - 34:59Yes, and as I explained to you,
the assigned curriculum was... -
34:59 - 35:01Was something I felt very strongly about.
-
35:01 - 35:03Which is why I propose a challenge.
-
35:03 - 35:05- Pardon me?
- A challenge. -
35:05 - 35:07You see, I believe
-
35:07 - 35:09that my students' academic achievements
are better enhanced -
35:09 - 35:11through a series of field trips.
-
35:11 - 35:12Oh, you do, do you?
-
35:12 - 35:14Yes, and given the fact
-
35:14 - 35:17that we have a philosophical difference
in our teaching methods, -
35:17 - 35:21I suggest that we settle our disputes
through a challenge of some sort. -
35:21 - 35:22That way, if I win,
I can continue as planned, and if... -
35:22 - 35:26No! There will be no challenges.
-
35:26 - 35:30This isn't a grade school playground,
Mr. Badalandabad. -
35:30 - 35:33If you wish to receive your doctorate
from this university, -
35:33 - 35:37you'll have to follow
the assigned curriculum. Good night. -
35:37 - 35:40I figured you might be scared.
-
35:40 - 35:44The last thing I am in this world
is scared of you. -
35:44 - 35:48I accept your challenge,
which means I get to choose the weapons. -
35:48 - 35:54Great. The weapons?
-
35:54 - 35:57Charlotte, is it just me,
or do these absurd paintings -
35:57 - 36:00bear a striking resemblance
to your absurd boyfriend? -
36:00 - 36:01We are in Everett Hall.
-
36:01 - 36:06Everett Hall.
-
36:06 - 36:09Oh, please tell me it's Earl of Grey tea
contained in this. -
36:09 - 36:12The ashes of six generations of Everetts
are contained here. -
36:12 - 36:15Well, when it's Pip's turn,
they're going to have to build a new hall -
36:15 - 36:16just to contain his ego.
-
36:16 - 36:19Shall we begin?
-
36:19 - 36:27Begin? Yes, let's begin.
-
36:27 - 36:30Not bad, Miss Higginson,
but you should know -
36:30 - 36:38that I extensively studied fencing
at the university. -
36:38 - 36:41University fencing champion.
Twice in a row. -
36:41 - 36:52I was planning on showing you
some mercy, but... -
36:52 - 36:58(EXCLAIMS)
-
36:58 - 37:00What the hell was that?
-
37:00 - 37:03It's the Rathbone.
My fencing teacher taught it to me. -
37:03 - 37:05He's quite a good swordsman.
-
37:05 - 37:08Ah, yes.
I've had a few ladies tell me that myself. -
37:08 - 37:13Miss Higginson,
have you ever seen the movie Zorro? -
37:13 - 37:16I have.
-
37:16 - 37:19Six times.
-
37:19 - 37:22(GRUNTING)
-
37:22 - 37:24(SHOUTS)
-
37:24 - 37:36Nine times.
-
37:36 - 37:40(COINS CLATTERING)
-
37:40 - 37:46Count yourself lucky
the only thing you lost were your pants. -
37:46 - 37:49It's a shame, Miss Higginson.
You would have enjoyed the trip. -
37:49 - 37:52- I'll be on that field trip.
- Will you? -
37:52 - 37:57That way, when I have you replaced,
I'll be able to explain my reasons. -
37:57 - 38:00Good night.
-
38:00 - 38:07(SHINEPLAYING)
-
38:07 - 38:10On the right
is the famous Tower of London, -
38:10 - 38:16where Queen Elizabeth I imprisoned
her explorer boyfriend, Sir Walter Raleigh, -
38:16 - 38:19after he was found doing the freaky-deaky
-
38:19 - 38:21with one of her ladies-in-waiting.
-
38:21 - 38:24Presently people line up outside
the tower to see the crown jewels, -
38:24 - 38:29which were stolen during
the brutal British occupation of India. -
38:29 - 38:31The crown jewels are actually
quite magnificent. -
38:31 - 38:35I don't think anyone's ever waited
an hour and a half online to see mine. -
38:35 - 38:38Actually, there was that one time
at Coolidge. -
38:38 - 38:48(SHINE CONTINUES PLAYING)
-
38:48 - 38:49Now, this is the area
-
38:49 - 38:54where Charles Dickens used to observe
the injustices of London's class system. -
38:54 - 38:58"It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times." -
38:58 - 39:00Write that down.
-
39:00 - 39:04Come on, guys, let's go.
Don't stop to stare, it's just an old church. -
39:04 - 39:05(SHINE CONTINUES PLAYING)
-
39:05 - 39:17(INAUDIBLE)
-
39:17 - 39:21On the left, in Trafalgar Square,
is a statue of Admiral Horatio Nelson, -
39:21 - 39:23Britain's most famous war hero.
-
39:23 - 39:29Nelson lost an arm, an eye, an ear
and a leg in various battles. -
39:29 - 39:31Towards the end, the poor guy
was nothing more -
39:31 - 39:41than a broomstick
with a cute little admiral's hat on. -
39:41 - 39:43Oh, God.
-
39:43 - 39:46That four-eyed geek's staring at us.
-
39:46 - 39:51No, I believe he's staring at me.
-
39:51 - 39:54Hi, is this seat taken?
-
39:54 - 39:55What do I do?
-
39:55 - 40:01Open your cakehole, you bleeding idiot,
and tell her how you feel. -
40:01 - 40:05You are the most beautiful woman
I've ever seen in my life -
40:05 - 40:09and I'd give two years' tuition
to sleep with you. -
40:09 - 40:11That's being a bit too honest, mate.
-
40:11 - 40:15You're sweet.
You're like a horny little Care Bear. -
40:15 - 40:29Okay, I think.
-
40:29 - 40:31What's so special about this place?
-
40:31 - 40:34The best fish and chips in all of London.
Come on. -
40:34 - 40:39And then, Winnie looked up,
gazed at me over his glasses and said, -
40:39 - 40:43"I see you're adept at running numbers,
-
40:43 - 40:48"but how good are you at cracking code?"
-
40:48 - 40:52And that, children, is how I saved England.
-
40:52 - 40:57Wait a minute. Winnie? You?
You knew Winston Churchill? -
40:57 - 41:04Well, I'm not talking
about Winnie the bleeding Pooh, am I? -
41:04 - 41:08- Jackie, where's that pint?
- JACKIE: Coming right up. -
41:08 - 41:09I owe you an apology.
-
41:09 - 41:13I completely underestimated you.
You're a wonderful teacher. -
41:13 - 41:14Thank you.
-
41:14 - 41:16So, I take it you had fun today.
-
41:16 - 41:19Are you kidding me? I had a ball.
-
41:19 - 41:23Oh, my God, the ball.
-
41:23 - 41:24The House of Lords is still debating
-
41:24 - 41:26the proposal
on the West End theater project, -
41:26 - 41:28but I think
that we have to come together on this -
41:28 - 41:31to find a viable way and move forward.
-
41:31 - 41:34Bloody bastard!
-
41:34 - 41:38Okay, just one man's opinion.
-
41:38 - 41:42Oh, not you, Lord Wrightwood.
My apologies. -
41:42 - 41:46Please excuse me.
-
41:46 - 41:49What the hell is he doing here?
-
41:49 - 41:52Taj is a friend and guest, Pip.
-
41:52 - 41:56And I'd appreciate you making him feel
part of this evening. -
41:56 - 42:00You know, Charlotte, you're right.
I didn't mean to be rude. -
42:00 - 42:02Thanks, Pip.
-
42:02 - 42:05"And the fire that breaks from thee then,
-
42:05 - 42:08"a billion times lovelier,
-
42:08 - 42:11"more dangerous,
-
42:11 - 42:14"O, my chevalier!
-
42:14 - 42:22"No wonder of it.
Shine, and blue-bleak embers, my dear, -
42:22 - 42:25"Fall, gall themselves,
-
42:25 - 42:35"and gash gold-vermillion."
-
42:35 - 42:40Thank you, Sir Wilfred,
that was a real treat. -
42:40 - 42:44Now, as is tradition in the literary ball,
-
42:44 - 42:47I'd like to call on
a member of our visiting faculty -
42:47 - 42:52to share with us his favorite British poet.
-
42:52 - 42:56Taj Badalandabad.
-
42:56 - 43:05To the podium, please.
-
43:05 - 43:07Pip, this certainly comes as a surprise.
-
43:07 - 43:12I think that it's important a visiting
foreign instructor like Mr. Badalandabad -
43:12 - 43:17have an appreciation for the heritage
and culture with which he hopes to teach. -
43:17 - 43:31- Have fun, Raji.
- Thank you. -
43:31 - 43:34"There's a lady,
-
43:34 - 43:40"who is sure that all that glitters is gold,
-
43:40 - 43:47"because she's buying
a stairway in Hampstead." -
43:47 - 43:51Now, she can't get no satisfaction.
-
43:51 - 43:56No. No, no, no. No, she can't get
no satisfaction, none at all, -
43:56 - 44:01even when she's driving in her smart car
-
44:01 - 44:04or listening on the radio.
-
44:04 - 44:09Or even when she's pleading with Roxanne
to turn on the red light. -
44:09 - 44:11Damn it, Roxanne, turn on that red light,
-
44:11 - 44:16or Maxwell's Silver Hammer will come
smashing down upon your head. -
44:16 - 44:18Turn on that red light, you bitch, Roxanne,
-
44:18 - 44:24or we'll all end up in a big white house
with black curtains at the station. -
44:24 - 44:27Or would you rather live
along the watchtower? No. -
44:27 - 44:29Then turn on the red light, Roxanne,
-
44:29 - 44:33or I'll have my 19th nervous breakdown
for real. -
44:33 - 44:36It's the real thing.
-
44:36 - 44:39It's even better than the real thing.
-
44:39 - 44:43I really want you all to want me.
-
44:43 - 44:49I really want to take all of you higher,
trust me. -
44:49 - 44:55Do I look like an American idiot to you?
-
44:55 - 44:57No.
-
44:57 - 45:15Which is why I wish you all
the time of your life. -
45:15 - 45:18Thanks.
-
45:18 - 45:21Jolly good show.
-
45:21 - 45:22- You liked it?
- Absolutely. -
45:22 - 45:24That young man's presentation
-
45:24 - 45:27strung together the words
of the poets of the street. -
45:27 - 45:36Not unlike the American rapper, Eminem,
whom I rather dig. -
45:36 - 45:39TAJ: You know,
I love the British limerick as well. -
45:39 - 45:41In fact, I read one at Kensington station
just last week. -
45:41 - 45:43Tell me if you know it.
-
45:43 - 45:45"There once was a woman from Heath,
-
45:45 - 45:48"who circumcised men with her teeth."
-
45:48 - 45:49Taj.
-
45:49 - 45:53I'd like you to meet my parents,
Martha and Richard. -
45:53 - 45:55And of course you know Sir Wilfred.
-
45:55 - 45:57Hello, it's a pleasure to meet both of you.
-
45:57 - 46:01I can certainly see
where Charlotte gets her -
46:01 - 46:06sense of seriousness from.
-
46:06 - 46:09You put on a very impressive exhibition
tonight, young man. -
46:09 - 46:09You should be congratulated.
-
46:09 - 46:13Thank you very much. I actually owe it all
to my good friend Pip here, -
46:13 - 46:17who encouraged when others
would have discouraged. Thanks, Pip. -
46:17 - 46:20Young man, I want you
to have a drink with me. -
46:20 - 46:24Sure. Excuse me.
-
46:24 - 46:26He's quite clever, isn't he?
-
46:26 - 46:29I think I need a drink myself.
Martha, would you care to join me? -
46:29 - 46:32Yes.
-
46:32 - 46:34This Raj fellow...
-
46:34 - 46:36Taj, his name is Taj.
-
46:36 - 46:38Right, Taj, then.
-
46:38 - 46:41I believe he's been creating
quite a scuttlebutt at school as well. -
46:41 - 46:44Oh, he just has an original way
of doing things. -
46:44 - 46:47Charles, you're more than old enough
to make your own friends, -
46:47 - 46:51but it would be a pity
to jeopardize your relationship with Pip. -
46:51 - 46:53The Everetts are a very important family.
-
46:53 - 46:57Yes, I know, Daddy.
Pip's reminded me many times. -
46:57 - 46:59All I'm saying is,
-
46:59 - 47:03it's not every girl that gets the opportunity
to become the wife of an earl. -
47:03 - 47:07I'm sure you'll make the right decision.
-
47:07 - 47:10(JIG MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
-
47:10 - 47:21(PEOPLE CHEERING)
-
47:21 - 47:22Are you sure we get points for this?
-
47:22 - 47:34Seventy-five, Gethin. Winner take all.
-
47:34 - 47:36I've run a few numbers, sir.
-
47:36 - 47:39Their beer gut intake
is almost incalculably large. -
47:39 - 47:47Have some faith, Gethin.
There are forces of nature at work here. -
47:47 - 47:51Stop staring at her tits, they're fake.
-
47:51 - 48:02(BURPING)
-
48:02 - 48:04ROGER: They've actually moved up
in the standings. -
48:04 - 48:05Do you think that's cause for concern?
-
48:05 - 48:07With that lot?
-
48:07 - 48:08The only things we've got to worry about
-
48:08 - 48:11are communicable diseases
and fashion faux pas. -
48:11 - 48:13I mean, really.
-
48:13 - 48:17In his dashing exploits
at the Battle of Cape St. Vincent -
48:17 - 48:19and in his brilliant victory
at the Battle of Trafalgar, -
48:19 - 48:24Lord Nelson clearly proved himself
to be Britain's greatest naval hero. -
48:24 - 48:26He wrote to Lady Emma Hamilton,
-
48:26 - 48:32"I have always been 15 minutes ahead
of my time and it has made a man of me." -
48:32 - 48:37Now, who here thinks that Lord Nelson
was a bit reckless during the Battle of... -
48:37 - 48:38(MAN SHOUTING)
-
48:38 - 48:41ALL: Cock and Bulls got so much soul!
-
48:41 - 48:43Cock and Bulls is in the house!
-
48:43 - 48:44- ALL: We rock!
- What? -
48:44 - 48:45- ALL: We roll!
- What? -
48:45 - 48:47ALL: Cock and Bulls got so much soul.
-
48:47 - 48:50Cock and Bulls is in the house.
-
48:50 - 48:54As I was saying, who here thinks
that Nelson took too many chances with... -
48:54 - 48:58We hereby challenge you to a reenactment
of the Battle of Agincourt. -
48:58 - 49:00We, naturally, will be the English,
-
49:00 - 49:04whereas you mangy vermin
will be the French. -
49:04 - 49:07What say you?
-
49:07 - 49:10Mr. Badalandabad, if you will insist
on bursting into my class unannounced, -
49:10 - 49:13- then I think you should prepare to...
- No, we just wanted to have some fun. -
49:13 - 49:22I really think you should prepare
to get your ass kicked. -
49:22 - 49:49(ALL HOOTING)
-
49:49 - 49:59(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
-
49:59 - 50:02Wait. Don't shoot.
-
50:02 - 50:04You big, strapping blokes
-
50:04 - 50:09wouldn't help me find my gun
under this muck, would you? -
50:09 - 50:25Oh, look, here it is.
-
50:25 - 50:28So long, misfit.
-
50:28 - 50:31Penny, I just bought these.
-
50:31 - 50:42Sorry, Lexie, finger must have slipped.
-
50:42 - 50:53Hey!
-
50:53 - 50:55(SCREAMS)
-
50:55 - 51:11(TAJ SHOUTING)
-
51:11 - 51:14You know, I'm sorry
about Pip's behavior last night. -
51:14 - 51:17He doesn't mean anything by it.
He just doesn't know any better. -
51:17 - 51:20Either that or he does know better
and he just doesn't care. -
51:20 - 51:22No, Taj, you don't understand.
-
51:22 - 51:27Pip comes from a very important family,
one of the most powerful in England -
51:27 - 51:30and sometimes
you just have to overlook the... -
51:30 - 51:32Do you know what?
-
51:32 - 51:35I sound just like my father.
-
51:35 - 51:37- Sorry.
- It's all right. -
51:37 - 51:41Look, aside from forgiving
all of Pip's awful faults, -
51:41 - 51:45what exactly would you like to do
for the rest of your life? -
51:45 - 51:46Oh, you'd laugh.
-
51:46 - 51:48No, I won't.
-
51:48 - 51:50It's absurd, really.
-
51:50 - 51:54I'd be one of the world's
foremost archeologists, -
51:54 - 51:58traveling the world
in search of ancient antiquities. -
51:58 - 52:01That sounds fascinating.
-
52:01 - 52:03It's not that easy.
-
52:03 - 52:05My parents have
certain expectations of me -
52:05 - 52:08and archeology
certainly isn't one of them. -
52:08 - 52:09As my mother says,
-
52:09 - 52:12"The future wife of an earl doesn't get
on her hands and knees." -
52:12 - 52:15Not with her rings on, anyway.
-
52:15 - 52:17How about you?
-
52:17 - 52:21What else would you like to do
with your life? -
52:21 - 52:25I want to be right here.
-
52:25 - 52:28The university is all the better
for having you, -
52:28 - 52:34- and your students absolutely love you.
- No, I don't mean the university. -
52:34 - 52:40I mean, just be here.
-
52:40 - 52:44What I'm trying to say is that I feel...
-
52:44 - 52:46I feel...
-
52:46 - 52:49(GROANING)
-
52:49 - 53:00My balls.
-
53:00 - 53:01What the...
-
53:01 - 53:03It felt like we were in a heated battle,
didn't it? -
53:03 - 53:05Pip.
-
53:05 - 53:07What in God's name have you been doing?
-
53:07 - 53:09We've been reenacting
the Battle of Agincourt. It was fantastic. -
53:09 - 53:11You did what?
-
53:11 - 53:15I can't talk now. I'll call you later.
-
53:15 - 53:18Hey, wait up.
-
53:18 - 53:20They've been spending
an awful lot of time together. -
53:20 - 53:23You don't suppose that she and he are...
-
53:23 - 53:26Oh, God, no. Not my Charlie.
-
53:26 - 53:28No, I'm afraid the poor old dear
has a soft spot -
53:28 - 53:30for that curry-breathing cretin
-
53:30 - 53:33and his band of mutants,
micks and whores. -
53:33 - 53:35You always see the best in people.
-
53:35 - 53:39You know what they say.
Lords have mercy. -
53:39 - 53:46Welcome everyone
to the Mastermind Challenge. -
53:46 - 53:50The team that wins the challenge
gets 50 points towards the Hastings Cup. -
53:50 - 53:53Please wait until the question
has been completed. -
53:53 - 53:54Percy stole the answers.
-
53:54 - 53:57But don't make it too obvious.
-
53:57 - 54:00Question number one.
Please finish the following Churchill quote. -
54:00 - 54:03"Let it roll. Let it roll on full flood..."
-
54:03 - 54:04That would be...
-
54:04 - 54:08"...inexorable, irresistible, benignant,
to broader lands and better days." -
54:08 - 54:13Point, Cock and Bulls.
-
54:13 - 54:16How many members of the Beatles
have been knighted by the Queen? -
54:16 - 54:18- I think that would be...
- Only one, Sir Paul McCartney. -
54:18 - 54:21Point, Cock and Bulls.
-
54:21 - 54:23Never mind, make it obvious.
-
54:23 - 54:25Who is the inventor of the device
known as the microscope? -
54:25 - 54:26Anton van Leeuwenhoek.
-
54:26 - 54:31Point, Cock and Bulls.
-
54:31 - 54:34Who is the captain of the last English team
to win the World Cup? -
54:34 - 54:37- Bobby Moore.
- Point, Cock and Bulls. -
54:37 - 54:39In what Shakespearean plays
do ghosts appear? -
54:39 - 54:41Julius Caesar, Richard III,
Hamlet and Macbeth. -
54:41 - 54:43In what year
was the Suez Canal inaugurated? -
54:43 - 54:441869.
-
54:44 - 54:46Point, Cock and Bulls.
-
54:46 - 54:48- What was the name of the island where...
- The Galápagos Islands. -
54:48 - 54:50- What is the scientific name for...
- Sodium chloride. -
54:50 - 54:51- What is the...
- The flux capacitor. -
54:51 - 54:53Would you say something? Just anything.
-
54:53 - 54:53- How many of the...
- Fifteen. -
54:53 - 54:55- Seventeen.
- Point, Cock and Bulls. -
54:55 - 54:57- What, in biology...
- A gerbil. -
54:57 - 54:58- Which...
- Gonorrhea. -
54:58 - 54:59- Who...
- William Shatner. -
54:59 - 55:00Nicolae Ceausescu.
-
55:00 - 55:02- Tell me...
- George Lazenby. -
55:02 - 55:03Point, Cock and Bulls.
-
55:03 - 55:04- Large dog.
- Point, Cock and Bulls. -
55:04 - 55:06- Modus operandi.
- Point, Cock and Bulls. -
55:06 - 55:07You know, this guy is very good.
-
55:07 - 55:09The Battle of Trafalgar.
-
55:09 - 55:10Pocket rocket. Fats Domino.
-
55:10 - 55:12More commonly known as diarrhea.
-
55:12 - 55:14Point, Cock and Bulls.
-
55:14 - 55:16(PEOPLE CHEERING)
-
55:16 - 55:19(WHAT I GO TO SCHOOL FOR
PLAYING) -
55:19 - 55:49The Cock and Bulls win
the Mastermind Challenge. -
55:49 - 55:51"In a stunning upset
on the rugby field yesterday, -
55:51 - 55:54"the Cock and Bulls
defeated Hampshire House -
55:54 - 55:56(ALL CHEERING)
-
55:56 - 55:58"to win the match
in final seconds of the game, -
55:58 - 56:02"thanks to a stellar athletic performance
by Seamus O'Toole." -
56:02 - 56:05Don't worry, ladies, I still have
another stellar athletic performance, -
56:05 - 56:07or two, still left in me.
-
56:07 - 56:09I have just met
the most spectacular bloke. -
56:09 - 56:15He didn't look at my tits once.
-
56:15 - 56:18Maybe he's a trouser pilot.
What if he don't fancy gals? -
56:18 - 56:20Bet you a fiver he wishes you had a cock.
-
56:20 - 56:22Oh, piss off, bush mill.
-
56:22 - 56:25Taji, I'm nervous.
You know, I like this bloke. -
56:25 - 56:29He's classy, the kind of guy
who'd be going out with a proper lady. -
56:29 - 56:31I just don't think it'll work
between me and him. -
56:31 - 56:34Sadie, if you think that this is a guy
who's worth getting to know, -
56:34 - 56:36then by all means, get to know him.
-
56:36 - 56:42Money and position make no difference
when it comes to matters of the heart. -
56:42 - 56:43Do you guys really believe that?
-
56:43 - 56:45- Absolutely.
- Yeah. -
56:45 - 56:51Yeah.
-
56:51 - 56:55Pip, the Cock and Bulls did very well
on the rugby field the other day. -
56:55 - 56:58If they win the dog show on Saturday,
we could be in real trouble. -
56:58 - 56:59Roger,
-
56:59 - 57:02sometimes the Almighty,
in his infinite wisdom, -
57:02 - 57:06likes to give a sliver of hope
to the downtrodden and underprivileged -
57:06 - 57:07to make up for their inferior haircuts
-
57:07 - 57:12and the fact they have to winter
and summer in the same place. -
57:12 - 57:15The Cock and Bulls are entering
a mongrel beast -
57:15 - 57:18and we're entering
Chauncey Avalon Renaissance, -
57:18 - 57:22a direct bloodline to the legendary
Zurich von Edelweiss. -
57:22 - 57:23You're right. We can't lose.
-
57:23 - 57:26No, we can't.
-
57:26 - 57:29Particularly since I've prepared
some extra insurance. -
57:29 - 57:35- Ding dong.
- Ding dong. -
57:35 - 57:38My ancestors did not create
the Hastings Cup -
57:38 - 57:42so that rejects like the Cock and Bulls
could make a mockery out of it. -
57:42 - 57:45Bon appétit, Balzac,
and bon voyage, losers. -
57:45 - 57:46Maxirod.
-
57:46 - 57:51Enlargen, Manhammer?
Where did you get this stuff? -
57:51 - 57:53Oh, I accidentally took it
from my father's traveling kit. -
57:53 - 57:55But it says Pip Everett, Jr.
on the prescriptions. -
57:55 - 57:57- A typo.
- On all three bottles. -
57:57 - 58:35Look, shut up.
-
58:35 - 58:36(BARKS)
-
58:36 - 58:41How many times have I told you
never to take food from strangers? -
58:41 - 58:47Lads, tomorrow's dog show will go down
as one for the ages. -
58:47 - 58:52To victory tomorrow
and the Hastings Cup. -
58:52 - 58:53Hey, Chauncey.
-
58:53 - 58:55- PIP: Cheers.
- Here you go. -
58:55 - 59:05Sorry, buddy.
-
59:05 - 59:17(DOGS BARKING)
-
59:17 - 59:19MAN: Chauncey!
-
59:19 - 59:20Bravo!
-
59:20 - 59:37Bravo, Chauncey.
-
59:37 - 59:39How're you doing, buddy, huh?
-
59:39 - 59:45You ready to go? You doing all right?
Yeah? You ready to kick some tail? -
59:45 - 59:46Yeah, I think you are.
-
59:46 - 59:48Good luck today.
-
59:48 - 59:51Oh, thank you. Have a good show.
-
59:51 - 59:56Oh, we shall. I'm looking forward
to some stiff competition out there. -
59:56 - 59:58I'm sure you are, Poop.
Pip. -
59:58 - 60:00Honest mistake, diarrhea face.
-
60:00 - 60:05What? What did I just say?
What did I just say, buddy? -
60:05 - 60:19Bijou Caronta and his dachshund, Fritz.
-
60:19 - 60:24Strong jaw line, extended chest,
good firm buttocks. -
60:24 - 60:27Reminds me of a young Susan Sarandon.
-
60:27 - 60:29Taj Badla...
-
60:29 - 60:31(STAMMERING)
-
60:31 - 60:35Showtime.
-
60:35 - 60:36Badalandabad.
-
60:36 - 60:59And his bulldog, Balzac.
-
60:59 - 61:01PIP: That's strange.
-
61:01 - 61:03Doesn't seem to be working.
-
61:03 - 61:03Maybe the pills went bad.
-
61:03 - 61:06Well, they worked fine last Saturday.
-
61:06 - 61:13My father happened to mention.
-
61:13 - 61:25JUDGE: My God, this animal is magnificent.
-
61:25 - 61:27It was a piece of cake.
-
61:27 - 61:34Oh, I really hope it isn't too "hard-on" you.
-
61:34 - 61:39Pip Everett, the Earl of Grey,
and his Great Dane, Chauncey. -
61:39 - 61:49(DOGGIE STYLEPLAYING)
-
61:49 - 62:00(DOGS BARKING)
-
62:00 - 62:12Chauncey! Halt!
-
62:12 - 62:15Chauncey!
-
62:15 - 62:18Chauncey!
-
62:18 - 62:22(YELPING)
-
62:22 - 62:26PIP: Chauncey.
-
62:26 - 62:28Chauncey!
-
62:28 - 62:29(PEOPLE GROANING)
-
62:29 - 62:32Come.
-
62:32 - 62:35Chauncey, come.
-
62:35 - 62:36Chauncey.
-
62:36 - 62:37Chauncey!
-
62:37 - 62:40- What are you doing?
- Trust me. -
62:40 - 62:42Chauncey, I said come!
-
62:42 - 62:49(CHAUNCEY HOWLING)
-
62:49 - 62:53Could someone please get her
a Tidy Wipe? -
62:53 - 62:55You know what, I'm done here,
ladies and gentlemen. -
62:55 - 62:56Thank you for coming.
-
62:56 - 62:59I didn't mean that as...
-
62:59 - 63:02Thank you.
-
63:02 - 63:04It's been a pleasure.
-
63:04 - 63:08How dare that Third-World, cow-loving
social reject humiliate me? -
63:08 - 63:11And how could Charlie be
so endlessly amused by him? -
63:11 - 63:15Your sister. Your sister, carrying on
with that repugnant troll friend of his. -
63:15 - 63:16The world's gone mad, I tell you.
-
63:16 - 63:21Our very way of life is being threatened,
and I, for one, will not allow it to continue. -
63:21 - 63:27Pip, perhaps we could find a better usage
for your sword. -
63:27 - 63:30Alexandra, you're quite sure your sister
isn't joining the Cock and Bulls party. -
63:30 - 63:33Yes, Penelope ran to Mum and Dad's
for the night. -
63:33 - 63:35And you and Penelope
are an identical match? -
63:35 - 63:40Well, one of us has a birthmark.
Would you like to see it? -
63:40 - 63:43If the rabble insist on being crushed
into oblivion, so be it. -
63:43 - 63:45Alexandra, I'm going to need your help.
-
63:45 - 63:46(CHAUNCEY WHINING)
-
63:46 - 63:51Chauncey, do shut up.
The pills will wear off soon enough. -
63:51 - 63:52Alexandra, why are you just sitting there?
-
63:52 - 63:54I thought you said you wanted to play
with my sword. -
63:54 - 63:57Oh, right, yeah.
-
63:57 - 64:00(CRAZY BITCH PLAYING)
-
64:00 - 64:01(SHOUTING)
-
64:01 - 64:09(PEOPLE CHEERING)
-
64:09 - 64:10Let's party!
-
64:10 - 64:38(WHOOPING)
-
64:38 - 64:42TAJ: Everybody's attention, please.
-
64:42 - 64:44Attention, please. Can I have...
-
64:44 - 64:47(MUSIC STOPS)
-
64:47 - 64:49I'd like to thank everyone
for coming tonight. -
64:49 - 64:51Thanks to Balzac's performance,
-
64:51 - 64:55the Cock and Bulls are now only 20 points
behind the Fox and the Hounds, -
64:55 - 65:01which means whoever wins the next event
will win the Hastings Cup. -
65:01 - 65:04So now, let's just get inebriated.
-
65:04 - 65:06(NUTHIN' BUT A DAWG PLAYING)
-
65:06 - 65:08What's up, Gethin?
-
65:08 - 65:10Where is Balzac, anyway?
-
65:10 - 65:13I think he is otherwise engaged.
-
65:13 - 65:38(BARKING)
-
65:38 - 65:41- Taji.
- Sadie, how was your date? -
65:41 - 65:44Taji, you were right.
He was the perfect gentleman. -
65:44 - 65:47We had tea and then a candlelit dinner
and then a beautiful carriage ride. -
65:47 - 65:49- That's wonderful.
- Then we got scrambled, -
65:49 - 65:52he yanked off me scanties
and we shagged all night on the tiles. -
65:52 - 65:55- All right.
- Let's party. -
65:55 - 65:57Sir, there's a problem with Simon.
-
65:57 - 66:00Excuse me. What?
-
66:00 - 66:02TAJ: Simon?
-
66:02 - 66:05I have...
-
66:05 - 66:07I have a problem.
-
66:07 - 66:09Oh, my God, he's talking.
-
66:09 - 66:14Well, Simon, whatever your problem is,
we're your friends, you can tell us. -
66:14 - 66:17Well, you see,
it's to do with the size of my piddler. -
66:17 - 66:22Your...
-
66:22 - 66:26Well, you know, it's an understood fact
-
66:26 - 66:31that a man's piddler is...
-
66:31 - 66:36Appears smaller to himself
than it is in real life. -
66:36 - 66:38Well, you see, that's what I'm afraid of.
-
66:38 - 66:41'Cause according to me
it has some 11 inches. -
66:41 - 66:44Come again? Figuratively.
-
66:44 - 66:47You see, the problem is
that every time I get aroused, -
66:47 - 66:52all the blood rushes from my head
to my... head. -
66:52 - 66:54And I can't talk.
-
66:54 - 66:55But do you think it's gonna be...
-
66:55 - 66:56(ALL SCREAM)
-
66:56 - 66:57- It's...
- It's... -
66:57 - 66:59- Yes.
- Yes, I think you'll be fine. -
66:59 - 67:05It works.
-
67:05 - 67:07I'm sorry to interrupt you boys
tossing off your tally-whackers, -
67:07 - 67:14but, Taji, there's a beautiful young lady
waiting for you outside. -
67:14 - 67:20I'm surprised you don't get out more.
-
67:20 - 67:24- Hello.
- CHARLOTTE: Smile. -
67:24 - 67:27Sorry, I just had to have a picture
of the wickedest party of the year. -
67:27 - 67:29Well, then, why don't you come on in,
grab a drink? -
67:29 - 67:32Wait. I have a surprise for you first.
Let's take a walk in the woods. -
67:32 - 67:34A surprise in the woods?
-
67:34 - 67:37Well, can you give me a second?
Let me go repack my wallet real quick. -
67:37 - 67:38Come on.
-
67:38 - 67:49(ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING)
-
67:49 - 67:51TAJ: Amazing.
-
67:51 - 67:53Fantastic.
-
67:53 - 67:58The Persephone comet hasn't been seen
in the English skies since... -
67:58 - 68:04- Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo.
- Yes. -
68:04 - 68:11Come on.
-
68:11 - 68:15- I have one more surprise for you.
- Yeah? -
68:15 - 68:32Is this one scenery, too?
-
68:32 - 68:38No more scenery.
-
68:38 - 68:44(A KICK IN THE MOUTH PLAYING)
-
68:44 - 68:47Come on. Hey. It's a party.
-
68:47 - 69:25Hey, dude, what are you looking at?
-
69:25 - 69:27Hi.
-
69:27 - 69:32Seamus was just telling me a story
about you. A very long one. -
69:32 - 69:57(GIGGLING)
-
69:57 - 70:00Penelope?
I thought you were gone for the weekend. -
70:00 - 70:06Yes. I was,
but I just couldn't stop thinking of you. -
70:06 - 70:09- You couldn't?
- No. -
70:09 - 70:11That's fantastic.
-
70:11 - 70:13- Take me, Gavin.
- Gethin. -
70:13 - 70:18Whatever.
-
70:18 - 70:21Wow. You seem so different.
-
70:21 - 70:23Have you always had that birth mark
on your neck? -
70:23 - 70:26It matches this one.
-
70:26 - 70:29- Any more dumb questions?
- No, I'm good. -
70:29 - 70:30Good.
-
70:30 - 70:33(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
-
70:33 - 70:36There's nothing to be nervous about.
-
70:36 - 70:46Just take off your clothes.
-
70:46 - 71:00Okay.
-
71:00 - 71:02(GASPS)
-
71:02 - 71:04(THUDDING)
-
71:04 - 71:11(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
-
71:11 - 71:21(SCREAMING)
-
71:21 - 71:25Nice.
-
71:25 - 71:27(GRUNTS)
-
71:27 - 71:29Take your bloody hands off me.
-
71:29 - 71:34You whiskey-swilling Irish blockhead.
-
71:34 - 71:36Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
-
71:36 - 71:40No. Dilip, Kami and Alita.
We are the Badalandabads. -
71:40 - 71:44We have come to surprise our son,
Taj Mahal. -
71:44 - 71:45He's upstairs.
-
71:45 - 71:49If you'll excuse me, I think I'm in love.
-
71:49 - 71:57(TAJ MOANING)
-
71:57 - 72:06(BOTH IMITATE ROARING)
-
72:06 - 72:11(IMITATE MEOWING)
-
72:11 - 72:12TAJ: Yes.
-
72:12 - 72:15Excuse me.
-
72:15 - 72:19Bad doggie.
-
72:19 - 72:25(IMITATES BARKING)
-
72:25 - 72:28Oops.
-
72:28 - 72:29Oops.
-
72:29 - 72:34I'm ready for you,
my little Yorkshire pudding. -
72:34 - 72:35- Surprise!
- Surprise! -
72:35 - 72:37- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! -
72:37 - 72:39Oh, my God!
-
72:39 - 72:41Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
-
72:41 - 72:43Go! Go! Oh, my God.
-
72:43 - 72:48(SHOUTING)
-
72:48 - 72:54CHARLOTTE: I don't care.
-
72:54 - 73:00So... have a nice flight?
-
73:00 - 73:01I warn you, Provost.
-
73:01 - 73:04Prepare to be appalled
beyond your imagination. -
73:04 - 73:05Excuse me. Excuse me.
-
73:05 - 73:09- Good Lord!
- Disgusting, isn't it, Provost? -
73:09 - 73:14- Coming through.
- GIRL: Hi, gorgeous. -
73:14 - 73:17Provost?
-
73:17 - 73:19Provost?
-
73:19 - 73:24Right this way, Provost.
-
73:24 - 73:27Are you okay?
-
73:27 - 73:32(EXCLAIMS)
-
73:32 - 73:37Provost, he has knocked that woman out
with his schlong. -
73:37 - 73:49(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
-
73:49 - 73:51Arey, don't worry, beta.
-
73:51 - 73:52They will get over it.
-
73:52 - 73:56It's not like your family
has never seen you naked before. -
73:56 - 73:59Okay, maybe not quite as hairy...
-
73:59 - 74:02- Dad.
- But still. -
74:02 - 74:08So, is there someone special,
or were you just... -
74:08 - 74:09No! Yes!
-
74:09 - 74:12No, I mean... Yes, there was somebody.
-
74:12 - 74:14Really?
-
74:14 - 74:18And how schlong... long
have you been seeing her? -
74:18 - 74:22Well, tonight was actually
our first night together. -
74:22 - 74:23And already in your bedroom.
-
74:23 - 74:27Shabaash, beta. My son is a hound doggie!
-
74:27 - 74:29A chip off the old Badalandabads.
-
74:29 - 74:33You got the old Camford
chick-a-day calendar, huh, beta? -
74:33 - 74:36- Beta?
- Something like that. -
74:36 - 74:37Penelope?
-
74:37 - 74:41My little vixen, I'm ready.
-
74:41 - 74:45Honey bunny? I'm ready.
-
74:45 - 74:49Penelope, I'm not quite sure
how this works. -
74:49 - 74:52Do I get disciplined now?
-
74:52 - 74:58- PROVOST: Absolutely.
- Are you enjoying the party, sir? -
74:58 - 75:01You know, beta, I envy you.
-
75:01 - 75:03You are just like I was.
-
75:03 - 75:07A chip off the old Badalandabads.
-
75:07 - 75:12Attending the big bad bone dance,
morning, noon and night. -
75:12 - 75:16The pink taco stand
delivering 24 hours a day, -
75:16 - 75:17free of charge.
-
75:17 - 75:20(EXCLAIMING)
-
75:20 - 75:23Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad, listen.
-
75:23 - 75:24No dishum.
-
75:24 - 75:26- No dishum.
- No. -
75:26 - 75:30I am not a chip off the old Badalandabad
and I'm not a hound doggie. I'm sorry. -
75:30 - 75:33I tried to live up to your legacy.
I really did. -
75:33 - 75:35But I'm afraid I disappointed you.
-
75:35 - 75:40You see, I really have fallen for someone,
and it's just one girl. -
75:40 - 75:43Just one girl?
-
75:43 - 75:49Just one.
-
75:49 - 75:51I see.
-
75:51 - 75:57So, this one girl is feeling the same
as you are? -
75:57 - 76:03I believe so.
-
76:03 - 76:09Well, I guess we are not all cut out
to be hound doggies. -
76:09 - 76:12You're not disappointed?
-
76:12 - 76:16How can I be disappointed? You're my son.
-
76:16 - 76:18It is watching you
come into your own as a man -
76:18 - 76:21that makes me feel so proud of you, beta.
-
76:21 - 76:26Come, give your father a big squashy.
-
76:26 - 76:28Thanks.
-
76:28 - 76:30- No, no, Dad, I need another hug.
- Oh, beta. -
76:30 - 76:32- Oh, beta, I love you.
- It's okay. -
76:32 - 76:35Beta, I can't breathe.
I can't breathe, my beta. -
76:35 - 76:37Beta, I can't breathe.
-
76:37 - 76:39(GROANING) Oh, I love you, too. I love you.
My testicles! -
76:39 - 76:41Bye.
-
76:41 - 76:43Sorry, did I ruin a moment?
-
76:43 - 76:45What the hell are you doing here?
-
76:45 - 76:49Provost and I made some
interesting discoveries this evening. -
76:49 - 76:54Stolen copies of next week's history test
in your students' rooms. -
76:54 - 76:56My students would never cheat.
-
76:56 - 76:59Yes. Well, you can tell your story
to the disciplinary committee -
76:59 - 77:03first thing in the morning.
-
77:03 - 77:06You know, it's funny
how things work out, isn't it? -
77:06 - 77:12I suggest you start packing, Paki.
-
77:12 - 77:15Restraint, my boy. Restraint.
-
77:15 - 77:19- He's mine.
- Dad! -
77:19 - 77:25Camford University is the greatest
institution of higher learning in the world. -
77:25 - 77:28We take transgressions most seriously.
-
77:28 - 77:35So it is I must inform you
that you're all expelled. -
77:35 - 77:37I stole the exam.
-
77:37 - 77:42- GETHIN: Sir, that's ridiculous.
- Quiet, Gethin, this is how it must be. -
77:42 - 77:44I don't know the first thing
about English history, -
77:44 - 77:48so how could I have expected my students
to pass an exam. -
77:48 - 77:52I admit it was a weak moment.
But it was my weak moment, not theirs. -
77:52 - 77:57Well, you understand that this would
mean your immediate expulsion. -
77:57 - 77:59Yes.
-
77:59 - 78:02I only ask that you not penalize
my students for something -
78:02 - 78:03for which I'm clearly to blame.
-
78:03 - 78:07They all have to be expelled.
They've already seen the exam. -
78:07 - 78:10I don't see why the entire house
should be penalized -
78:10 - 78:11for Mr. Ba...
-
78:11 - 78:13(STAMMERING)
-
78:13 - 78:14ALL: Badalandabad!
-
78:14 - 78:15- Thank you.
- Oh, yes. -
78:15 - 78:17Well, for his transgressions.
-
78:17 - 78:21We'll give them an oral exam.
-
78:21 - 78:26If they pass, they're back in.
If not, well, they're out. -
78:26 - 78:27PIP: Fine.
-
78:27 - 78:37But meanwhile, Mr. Badalandabad,
we accept your expulsion. -
78:37 - 78:40Wait. Charlotte, let me explain.
-
78:40 - 78:42I've heard more than enough, thank you.
-
78:42 - 78:44I cannot believe we bought in
to all of your nonsense. -
78:44 - 78:45But...
-
78:45 - 78:49Those kids idolized you. I admired you.
-
78:49 - 78:52But the joke's on all of us, isn't it?
Because you're nothing but a cheat. -
78:52 - 78:54Look, I didn't mean to hurt anybody, okay?
-
78:54 - 78:56- If you would just let me explain...
- No. -
78:56 - 78:59The road to hell is paved
with good intentions, isn't it? -
78:59 - 79:03Good day, Mr. Badalandabad.
-
79:03 - 80:09(AFTERMATH PLAYING)
-
80:09 - 80:11MAN: We all know why we're here.
-
80:11 - 80:25Let's begin.
-
80:25 - 80:26(WOMAN GROANING)
-
80:26 - 80:29Come on, baby. Come on.
-
80:29 - 80:33Daddy's leaving soon.
Oh, you wanna give it to me, don't you? -
80:33 - 80:35Come on.
I'm trying a different tactic here, baby. -
80:35 - 80:37I'm trying to be nice to you.
-
80:37 - 80:40You don't like it nice, do you,
you little whore? -
80:40 - 80:46- Hey, guys. How did it go?
- WOMAN: Oh, baby. -
80:46 - 80:51Well, look, the important thing
is that you tried, all right? It... -
80:51 - 80:53You passed?
-
80:53 - 80:55- Oh, you passed.
- Yeah! -
80:55 - 80:59(ALL YELLING)
-
80:59 - 81:00What's wrong, Gethin?
-
81:00 - 81:03Oh, well, this is all thanks to you, sir.
-
81:03 - 81:05And as soon as you leave tomorrow,
-
81:05 - 81:07we're going to get slaughtered
in the Hastings Cup. -
81:07 - 81:10Oh, please, Gethin.
That's absolutely ridiculous. -
81:10 - 81:12This is all thanks to you guys.
-
81:12 - 81:14You know, I had a feeling
that you guys would pass, -
81:14 - 81:19so I prepared some libations.
-
81:19 - 81:21Now, you guys were outcasts
when you got here, -
81:21 - 81:27and you showed those privileged
snotbags that you were their better. -
81:27 - 81:30And because of your hard work,
-
81:30 - 81:36Camford, one of the finest institutions
in the world, is now yours. -
81:36 - 81:40And it's time you get out there,
and kick some Fox and Hounds ass, -
81:40 - 81:43and win the Hastings Cup.
-
81:43 - 81:46- To the Cock and Bulls.
- To the Cock and Bulls. -
81:46 - 81:47Oh, come on, this again.
-
81:47 - 81:52- To the Cock and Bulls!
- To the Cock and Bulls! -
81:52 - 82:30(BELLS TOLLING)
-
82:30 - 82:32Taj Mahal, beta, cheer up a little.
-
82:32 - 82:37You will find another school
which will make you happy. -
82:37 - 82:41Dad, I'm really, really sorry
that I disappointed you. -
82:41 - 82:47I just wanted to follow in
your legendary footsteps. -
82:47 - 82:50Did I not tell you about your stories,
Dilip, huh? -
82:50 - 82:53Tell him.
-
82:53 - 83:00Taj, I may have told you
a slight stretching of the truth. -
83:00 - 83:04I'm afraid I was never a member
of the Foxes and Hounds. -
83:04 - 83:06What?
-
83:06 - 83:09But all those stories?
-
83:09 - 83:14Wait. The ones about being the
sultan of snatch are true, though, right? -
83:14 - 83:17That would be a fine thing.
He's lucky to even find it. -
83:17 - 83:20More like the sultan of splat.
-
83:20 - 83:23One must admit, it can be somewhat
difficult to locate at times. -
83:23 - 83:24Hang on. Hang on.
-
83:24 - 83:27Why were you not in
the Foxes and Hounds? -
83:27 - 83:29I thought I was accepted.
-
83:29 - 83:33But when I arrived,
there had been some sort of mistake. -
83:33 - 83:36A typographical error, they said.
-
83:36 - 83:37You're kidding.
-
83:37 - 83:39It's okay, beta.
-
83:39 - 83:43Maybe this university is not the place
for us Badalandabads. -
83:43 - 83:49Come. Let's go home.
-
83:49 - 83:52Can you guys please give me
a few minutes alone? -
83:52 - 84:05Haan, beta. Of course. Chalo.
We will wait outside. -
84:05 - 84:08Guess I won't be needing
that golf cart, Van. -
84:08 - 84:12- How fast does that golf cart go?
- What are you doing here? -
84:12 - 84:16There's no time. I'll explain on the way.
-
84:16 - 84:22Welcome everybody to
the final competition for the Hastings Cup. -
84:22 - 84:30(ALL APPLAUDING)
-
84:30 - 84:34Now, only two teams
have accrued enough points -
84:34 - 84:37to compete in the final event.
-
84:37 - 84:38The Fox and Hounds,
-
84:38 - 84:41and the Cock and Bulls.
-
84:41 - 84:45Fox and Hounds, who will represent you?
-
84:45 - 84:47I will.
-
84:47 - 84:51Cock and Bulls, who will represent you?
-
84:51 - 84:53I will.
-
84:53 - 84:59(PEOPLE GASPING)
-
84:59 - 85:02What are you doing here?
You've been expelled. -
85:02 - 85:06I'm afraid Mr. Everett's correct.
Only current students are... -
85:06 - 85:08Provost Cunningham, I think
you'll find a reinstatement is in order. -
85:08 - 85:12- Charlie, have you lost your senses?
- Quite the opposite. -
85:12 - 85:14If you look closely at this photo,
-
85:14 - 85:17you'll see that a woman
is holding the stolen exam papers. -
85:17 - 85:22Which means it couldn't have been Taj.
He was just helping his friends. -
85:22 - 85:31Don't just stand there, young man.
You've got a competition to compete in. -
85:31 - 85:35Cheers.
-
85:35 - 85:39ALL: Cock and Bulls!
-
85:39 - 85:45En garde.
-
85:45 - 85:51Point, Fox and Hounds.
-
85:51 - 85:54- Okay, he is good.
- You're not concentrating. -
85:54 - 85:57Every time, he attacks from his left
and exposes his chest, -
85:57 - 85:58that's when you attack.
-
85:58 - 85:58Hello. I'm trying.
-
85:58 - 86:01But his lightning-fast blows
make it a little bit difficult. -
86:01 - 86:06- Oh, our first fight.
- Just go. -
86:06 - 86:14(BOTH GRUNTING)
-
86:14 - 86:22PROVOST: Point, Cock and Bulls.
-
86:22 - 86:30- That was great. Got any more advice?
- Yeah. -
86:30 - 86:31Note taken.
-
86:31 - 86:34You know, I think
I'm finally starting to scare him. -
86:34 - 86:36(CROWD GASPS)
-
86:36 - 86:42Somebody has some anger issues.
-
86:42 - 86:44Let's settle this like my ancestors did,
shall we? -
86:44 - 86:48- You want to exploit me economically?
- No. -
86:48 - 86:52- First blood.
- First blood? -
86:52 - 86:57Come on, Paki, it's your chance to stick it
to the British aristocracy. -
86:57 - 87:03Pip, stop it.
-
87:03 - 87:04Pip, I hate to pry,
-
87:04 - 87:06but do you think
your sword obsession is over... -
87:06 - 87:13Overcompensation for your shortcomings!
-
87:13 - 87:18Violence doesn't solve anything, bitch.
-
87:18 - 87:20(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
-
87:20 - 87:22I'm sorry!
-
87:22 - 87:25No, I'm not.
-
87:25 - 87:27Gethin.
-
87:27 - 87:29Thank you.
-
87:29 - 87:31Oh, shit.
-
87:31 - 87:47I don't think you get it, Raji.
We don't want you here. -
87:47 - 87:50If we weren't here, who would tend to
your fossil gardens and serve you tea -
87:50 - 87:54while you pretend to be important,
you goron? -
87:54 - 88:07I'm sure I'd survive, Raji.
Can't say the same about you. -
88:07 - 88:09You are pompous,
you're racist, you're sexist -
88:09 - 88:17and dress like a dance instructor
on a cruise ship. -
88:17 - 88:20Looks like it's curtains for you, Raji.
-
88:20 - 88:23Good idea, Pip.
-
88:23 - 88:26(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
-
88:26 - 88:31(GROANING)
-
88:31 - 88:35Up and over.
-
88:35 - 88:37Oh, my God. Pip, that was fantastic.
How did you do that? -
88:37 - 88:45Well, I work out, I train.
You got to eat right... -
88:45 - 88:53This is becoming rather tiresome.
-
88:53 - 88:58(WHISPERS) Go for the Rathbone.
-
88:58 - 89:02The Rathbone. Very impressive.
-
89:02 - 89:07But bad news. I taught it to her.
-
89:07 - 89:09Time to meet your ancestors, Haji.
-
89:09 - 89:16Oh, yeah?
Perhaps you'd like to meet yours. -
89:16 - 89:19No!
-
89:19 - 89:26Father!
-
89:26 - 89:35(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
-
89:35 - 89:37And the name is Taj.
-
89:37 - 89:40PROVOST: Point and match, Mr. Ba...
-
89:40 - 89:42(STAMMERING)
-
89:42 - 89:46ALL: Badalandabad!
-
89:46 - 89:49Somebody please get me a Tidy Wipe.
-
89:49 - 90:00Congratulations, young man.
Congratulations. -
90:00 - 90:04Ladies and gentlemen,
-
90:04 - 90:09I give you this year's winners,
the Cock and Bulls, -
90:09 - 90:16winners of this year's Hastings Cup.
-
90:16 - 90:18Hooray!
-
90:18 - 90:23Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
-
90:23 - 90:25Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
-
90:25 - 90:30My father donates millions of pounds
to this university. -
90:30 - 90:35Consider repercussions
of what you're about to do. -
90:35 - 90:38- Tell him.
- All right. All right. -
90:38 - 90:44Pip stole the exam papers
and he got me to put them in their rooms. -
90:44 - 90:47(PEOPLE GASPING)
-
90:47 - 90:52Well, perhaps you should consider the
repercussions of what you've done, Pip. -
90:52 - 91:02Yes, he's right. You're expelled.
-
91:02 - 91:07Good, I couldn't stand that little snotbag.
-
91:07 - 91:11Sammy!
-
91:11 - 91:17Sammy!
-
91:17 - 91:20Lord Wrightwood?
-
91:20 - 91:21Yes.
-
91:21 - 91:25(STUTTERING) Pip Everett. Earl of Grey.
-
91:25 - 91:29Mr. Everett, I am... I didn't recognize you.
-
91:29 - 91:30Oh, that's nothing. No.
-
91:30 - 91:33I just wanted to say,
I received your letter of commendation, -
91:33 - 91:34and wanted to say thank you
for everything. -
91:34 - 91:40Yes. About that,
it seems there has been a mistake. -
91:40 - 91:43- Mistake?
- Typographical, I'm afraid. -
91:43 - 91:46It was meant to say that
you had not got the position. -
91:46 - 91:48Sorry, old boy.
-
91:48 - 91:50(STAMMERING) Typographical.
-
91:50 - 91:54What he's trying to say is piss off, Pip.
-
91:54 - 91:59No, okay. Yeah, okay. Sure. Quite.
Oh, okay. -
91:59 - 92:03Are you sure typographical was...
Clear enough. Thank you. Great. -
92:03 - 92:06Beta, beta, beta, beta, beta.
-
92:06 - 92:09I've never been more proud of you
than I am at this moment. -
92:09 - 92:11Thanks, Dad.
-
92:11 - 92:13You know, your son is
the biggest hound doggie on campus. -
92:13 - 92:16My son, a hound doggie?
-
92:16 - 92:18It's practically raining
women's undergarments -
92:18 - 92:19when he walks down the street.
-
92:19 - 92:23I always knew it that my son
would follow in my footsteps -
92:23 - 92:25in the pursuit of the pink taco.
-
92:25 - 92:30Being a hound doggie
is in the Badalandabad genes. -
92:30 - 92:31Well, it may be in his genes, dear,
-
92:31 - 92:36but I certainly never found anything
special, when I looked in yours. -
92:36 - 92:39Are you saying that I'm firing blanks?
I have fathered three children. -
92:39 - 92:41So, what? If our mattress
could have gotten pregnant, -
92:41 - 92:43you would have fathered six.
-
92:43 - 92:44I am warning you, woman.
-
92:44 - 92:45I am shaking in my sari.
-
92:45 - 92:47I don't need this aggravation.
-
92:47 - 92:48Thanks for dealing with my dad.
-
92:48 - 92:52- They don't live here, do they?
- Oh, no, no. Milwaukee. -
92:52 - 92:55My pleasure, then.
-
92:55 - 92:57You know, Charlotte,
you should know I'm not a rich guy. -
92:57 - 93:00I don't own a house or anything.
I'm not an earl. -
93:00 - 93:03In fact, the only title I hold
is to an '86 Toyota Corolla. -
93:03 - 93:06Oh, come now, Mr. Badalandabad.
-
93:06 - 93:09You're forgetting
what an excellent swordsman you are. -
93:09 - 93:14Hardly, I almost died up there.
I mean I got a couple of good... -
93:14 - 93:19- Were you calling me a hound doggie?
- Maybe. -
93:19 - 93:20Well.
-
93:20 - 93:25(SHINEPLAYING)
-
93:25 - 93:27I can fence much better than you, though.
-
93:27 - 93:28- Oh, really?
- Yes. -
93:28 - 93:29- Let's go.
- You want a rematch? -
93:29 -Let's go, yes.
- Title:
- Van Wilder 2 FULL MOVE (11 Subtitles)
- Description:
-
Subtitles: Serbian, Czech, Greek, Spanish, German, Turkish, Persian, Vietnamese, English, Romanian and Slovenian,
Year: 2006
Genre: Comedy | Romance
Running time: 97 min.
Description: Taj Mahal Badalandabad leaves Coolidge College behind for the halls of Camford University in England, where he looks to continue his education, and teach an uptight student how to make the most out of her academic career.Director: Mort Nathan
Writers: David Drew Gallagher, Brent Goldberg (characters), and 1 more credit »
Stars: Kal Penn, Lauren Cohan and Daniel PercivalSUBSCRIBE FOR MORE!
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https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/111391085206640617768 - Duration:
- 01:38:20
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