Cindy Gallop: Make love, not porn (Adult content)

At TED2009, audience member Cindy Gallop gave a 4-minute presentation that became one of the event's most talked about. Speaking from her personal experience, she argued that hardcore pornography had distorted the way a generation of young men think about sex. She talked about how she was fighting back with the launch of a website -- http://makelovenotporn.com -- to correct the myths being propagated. You can comment on this talk here: http://blog.ted.com/2009/12/cindy_gallop_ma.php

I date younger men,

predominantly men in their 20s.

And when I date younger men,

I have sex with younger men.

And when I have sex with younger men

I encounter, very directly and personally,

the real ramifications of the creeping ubiquity

of hardcore pornography in our culture.

So, in an era where

hardcore porn is more freely

and widely available on the Internet than ever before,

and where kids are therefore able to access it

at a younger and younger age than ever before,

there is an entire generation growing up

that believes that what you see in hardcore pornograpy

is the way that you have sex.

And this is particularly exacerbated

because we live in a puritanical, double-standards culture

where people believe that a teen abstinence campaign

will actually work,

where parents are too embarrassed

to have conversations about sex with their children,

and where educational institutions

are terrified of being politically incorrect

if they pick up those conversations.

And so it's not surprising

that hardcore pornography, de facto,

has become sex education.

Now, as a mature, experienced, confident, older woman,

when I encounter this

I have no problem realizing that a certain amount of reeducation,

rehabilitation and reorientation has to take place.

(Applause)

Anybody who is offended by sexually explicit language,

please cover their ears now,

and I will raise my hand when you can uncover them.

So, I have no problem

responding, as I have regularly had to,

"Actually no, thank you very much, I would much rather

you did not come on my face."

My concern is both with a young guy who believes,

because hardcore pornography has taught him,

but my concern is particularly with a young girl

whose boyfriend wants to come on her face,

she does not want him to come on her face,

but hardcore porn has taught her

that all men love coming on women's faces,

all women love having their faces come on,

and therefore she must let him come on her face,

and she must pretend to like it.

(Laughter)

So, I am launching, at TED today ...

I am unveiling MakeLoveNotPorn.com.

(Applause)

This is a website that posts the myths of hardcore porn,

and balances them with the reality.

And it's important to say, by the way,

that this is absolutely not about judgement.

This is not about good and bad.

Sex is the area of human experience

that embraces the vastest possible range of proclivities.

This is also not anti-porn.

I am a fan of hardcore porn;

I watch it regularly myself,

although my overriding criteria when selecting it

has to be to find something

that does not resemble, overly, open-heart surgery.

(Laughter)

But because the porn industry is

driven by men, funded by men,

managed by men, directed by men and targeted at men,

porn tends to present one worldview.

Porn says, "This is the way it is."

And what I want to say is, "Not necessarily."

So, please go to MakeLoveNotPorn.com.

I want to ask the TED audience to do two things.

Be aware this is an issue,

because I would never have realized it if I had not encountered it myself.

And please visit the website.

Please see what you think.

(Laughter)

Comment. And please pass it on.

Please send the link to anybody you think would be intereseted

and use it to start a dialogue.

Use it to reframe an open, healthy conversation around sex,

in order to help and facilitate

open, healthy and better sexual relationships. Thank you very much.

(Applause)