www.youtube.com/.../watch?v=J0Rr77iZHUs

- [Narrator] Coming up on Dystopia Daily.

- [Dan] Ripped the entire
ass to knee section

of my jumpsuit open.

Heterosexual people can't spell.

Hello, FBI.

It's a furry.

Sorry, do you want attention?
(bark)

Decapitate your enemies.

(gurgling noise)

I would let you bully me at school.

(bark)

Make it stop, make it stop.

(classy piano music)

Bonjour sweaties and welcome back

to Dystopia Daily,

with moi, Daniel Howell.

The show all about the
slip and slide of suffering

that is every single day
of your fucking life.

But don't worry, you're not alone.

We're all rolling downhill together.

(deep breath)

(spunky intro music)

In the interests of cultivating engagement

with direct calls to action

as advised by the YouTube Creator Playbook

I will now communicate with my community.

Welcome to Community Corner.

(retro news channel music)

I personally think it's dangerous

to acknowledge an audience in any level

because once you learn

what a bunch of fucking weirdos they are

it just completely ruins
your perception of reality.

And now I am going to just
dive in and read the comments

because your feedback

always matters.

(bell rings)

(retro music)

Right,

(harsh grating noise)

The first one is from Beth who says

"I keep getting jump scared
by Dan being active."

Yeah, I think that's fair
enough. At this point,

me uploading a piece of content

should be a content warning.

Dark Ronnie wants me to know
there is a "staight man" here,

winky face.

Alright, heterosexual people can't spell,

that's what we're learning here.

Why the wink though?

What does that mean?

What's, what's a knowing heterosexual wink

in my comment section, Ronnie.

That's just, that's bad energy.

Sorry bro.

Julia Gill, "God, I can't believe
I'm seeing this man live."

And it is not clear from that comment

whether Julia is glad
or she wants a refund.

Editing note, I did just realize

she might have come to see me in Oklahoma

where somebody yelled the C word at me

and then I fell over and ripped

the entire ass to knee
section of my jumpsuit open,

flashing a thousand
people in the audience,

and then someone had to run on stage

and try to fix my wardrobe
malfunction with tape

in front of everybody.

And if, if you were there,
that does make sense.

No refunds.

If you wanna potentially see another

Dan wardrobe malfunction,
come see me on tour.

HK P says, "He seems like a nice boy."

I can tell he hasn't
watched the fucking video.

And last one, "Romans 10:9
That if thou shalt confess

with thy mouth the Lord Jesus,

and shalt believe in thine heart

that God hath raised him from the dead,

thou shall be saved," to
which 63xtd responded,

"who asked?"

(breathy laughter)

Yeah. I mean, got 'em.

But to be honest that's
exactly what I expected.

Thank you so much for
the valuable commentary.

As always, this informs all
of my creative decisions

and self-worth, so keep it up

and just know that I'm always watching.

But that is enough about me.

Now it is time to put you on the stage

for me to pass some judgment.

It is time to review you.

(funky infomercial music)

Yes. It's that moment in community corner

where I give you a taste
of your own medicine

and offer unsolicited
opinions on your life choices

and self-expression.

And what are people more
opinionated and annoying about

than fashion?

'Cause you, you, oh Dan,
he only wears black.

(unintelligible muttering)

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

How much did you spend on that jumper?

Yeah, they say style is subjective

and we're about to see that
you might be a fucking mess.

Who are you to judge me?

You sat there, someone
smoking a long cigarette

in a Parisian apartment with
a poodle and a fucking beret

or someone in Crocs, probably.

Let's find out.

Oh, there we go.

At the top of my feed, look who it is.

It's Anthony Padilla.

Can somebody get this guy
some fucking attention?

Jesus Christ.

Yes, we get it.

You had a cool inky tattoo done and, okay,

what do you want me to say?

You are just the, the physically

and mentally healthy version of me.

Fuck off.

Twitter user Foxy Shaggy.

"A giant fox head"
(horror music)

(laughing)

Okay, this is the second tweet.

Do a shot.

It's a furry.

What's the shot of? Something poisonous.

Nice

socks.

Look, this head is like three foot wide.

I just don't get it.

Why do fur suits have to be so big?

I'm gonna do it, guys.

"Fashion."

(laughing)

You know what?

That is how I look
internally all the time.

From Singapore, "I don't
know what style I have

I just know I am the moment."

Oh my God.

Look at you. You're easy, you're breezy,

you're casual, you got the pants suit,

you got the dress, you got the layers.

You got the mer-lion
statue in the background

which I posted the weird photo
of it shooting into my mouth.

And I forgot for a moment that Singapore,

I can't go there on my current tour

because it would be considered
promoting homosexuality.

So that image of me guzzling the juice

from the mer-lion's mouth

could have probably gotten me arrested.

Thank you for reminding me of that.

(cheering)
(laughing)

Not sure it's fit fashion,
but it has pockets.

Hey, practicality ca, oh.

Oh.
(hysterical laughing)

When you say it has pockets,

you didn't say it is entirely pockets.

You have got balls of yarn.

If anyone comes for your
outfit, you'll be like,

yeah, yeah, but when you
need literally any item

and someone goes do you have
scissors, a fire engine,

the Constitution, you'll be like,

"Yeah, I've got a
fucking pocket for that."

(short honking noise)

Practical.

Robin T coming in with the
old kilt and sword combo.

Holy

shit.

If you've got an outfit that
lets you appreciate the breeze

and decapitate your enemies,

you're fucking winning, mate.

My dog Enzo wants your opinion.

(hysterical outburst)

Pause.

Why is this dog definitely gonna be

the most fashionable
thing we've seen today?

Look at the glamour, look at the grace.

Look at the composure of
this dog's fucking face.

Heck, it's a turtle neck.

You all just got bodied
by this fucking bitch

except it's a boy.

Well, Lollypop wants
opinion on the cat's looks.

It's vibing in a nautical theme,

a pumpkin theme, it's wearing sunglasses,

and it seems to be also wearing my merch

that, okay, this cat is valid, you did it.

What's up?

And they appear to have

literally all of my clothes.

Did you rob me? When I
came out of the closet

did you go in and just
fucking steal my shit?

Is that how that's working?

Hello, FBI?

Yep. Daniel,

Daniel Inu.

Alright, I wanna see some
things out of the box.

Qngelic says, "I sometimes partake in"

Okay. Okay, yeah.

You sometimes partake.

We got a beret! We have
got the, we've got a beret,

we got platform boots, we got furry boots,

we got cargo pants,
and we've got elf ears.

Thank you.

I would love to stumble
across you in the woods,

mildly inconvenience you,

and then you put some kind of hex on me

that is just an inappropriate reaction

and just destroys my life.

Depressed lesbian core
with a Taika Waititi shirt.

So what I'm seeing so far
is there's a lot of people

that are also probably just depressed

conglomerating here in
the community corner.

It's nice to see the
black being represented

not by Bebba Bee, "thoughts
and opinions, please."

What the ever loving
fuck is happening here?

Okay, we got rainbow clowns in space,

we got multicolored
dinosaurs and the frog eyes.

You are the anti-Dan.

Like the satanic person that's
come to destroy the world,

You've come to frighten me

with everything that's going on over here.

Okay with the newspaper dress,

okay with the tennis,

okay with the Adidas, okay with the,

okay, alright.

These are the kind of posts here,

because if you say this
is what you look like,

it makes me feel like
I'm cooler than I am.

(laughing)

"Quite girly," but likes
pink and sparkly earrings.

Okay, well I can get into it.

Oh my God.

(gurgling noise)

I would let you bully me at school.

Yeah, I'd let you throw
a lunch tray at my head.

Let's keep this going.

I wanna see some styles, I wanna see some,

It's, you just, you've gotta, you've got

a gamer headset on,

you've got a fucking bucket on your head.

Okay. Okay, there we go.

I will be honest,

when I sent this out, if we're saying

do I imagine more of you look like this?

Or I imagine based on your comments

that most of you are
sitting there sweating

in a gamer headset with
a bucket on your head.

Oh my God, fuck yeah.

What I lack in life is
serotonin, uh, confidence.

I just wanna hang out with
you next to a water fountain.

I feel like you know what
the fuck you are doing

with your life.

And lastly we got one from Amidala,

and what's it gonna be? Is
it gonna be another bucket?

Oh my God, dude. What?

Okay. No, no, no. Stop, stop.

We're not doing this.

You know when you have a day

when you look in the mirror and you think,

okay, you know what, I
might give it to myself.

Maybe I'm feeling a bit
cute and stylish today.

And then someone just comes along

and makes you realize that
you're a fucking slime.

Alright.

1-1-9.

Yeah, we're gonna have to have
a drone strike on this guy

just for, um, devastating my self-esteem.

What does R do?

Redial? Don't nod at me
as if everyone in the room

knows it's fucking redial apart from me.

Am I stupid?

(cackling)

Well, I went on a journey
that was interesting

to see the various representation
happening out there

that ultimately ended in my
self-esteem being crushed

into a million pieces and snorted.

After these two reviews I'm starting to,

I dunno, I'm starting to feel

a strong parasocial relationship
with every one of you.

I feel like we know each
other. We're friends, right?

This is real, isn't it?

(chuckles)

Uh oh, social media's making things weird.

We've crossed a line and I feel

like I've got another meltdown coming.

(rattling inhale)

And breathe. We made it.

One more goddamn day behind us.

It might be a dystopia out there,

but here, for one calm moment

we can cleanse our souls
with a bucket of bleach.

(calming piano music)

It's been a lot, this
second episode from TikTok

and trying not to laugh

to talking about 'ligma'
with the elderly, but,

now it is time to forget.

(deep breath)

Listen to the Tiny Zen Garden.

(satisfying scraping and tapping noises)

(breathy laughter)

That was actually slightly horrible.

(coughs)

But what is better to distract from that

than today's mascot?

Please welcome to the
stage Hector and Milli.

Hello. Hello.

Oh my God, you love me. Finally!

Finally, somebody loves me.
(pained laughter)

Let us be cleansed by a
curation of cute content

from this community.

(whimsical harp)

Firstly, check out Celeste's gaming PC.

Holy crap, that PC is a cat.

Attack, puppies. Attack!

Here is a hamster eating a potato.

(laughing)

It might be the best video
that I've ever seen in my life.

Yes it is.

No, I need that.

Jacqueline started a flower garden.

Yep. Yep.

Okay. Okay.

Well, I've probably got
your butt on my nose now.

Which is bringing immense joy.

Can you say immense joy?

(snorts)

Wow. You arranged the
shit outta those flowers.

Oi, what?

Sorry. Do you want attention?
(bark)

Okay. Yeah, yeah?

Okay. Say hello to Cleo.

Cleo is on special pills,

and she's high as a kite
and just straight vibing.

Think you guys need some
special pills to calm down,

but for real, I wanna be that dog.

Oh, oh, oh.

About 20 of you guys sent me this lamp.

Guys, that is absolutely

most definitely not the vibe right now.

Don't look.

Do I look like someone
that you can walk all over

emotionally and physically?

You're being polite, okay, Hector.

Millie, Dear God. Right.

Sit.

(whimpers)

Snack.

3, 2, 1.

(laughing)

(sound of hammer on anvil)

Oh, can we just kill all the people?

Can we kill all the
people? Just have the dogs?

But then who'll be left
to appreciate the dogs?

I volunteer as tribute.

Ellie is just happy with her boyfriend.

Ellie, he seems nice.

I totally would.

This cat got big

and is constantly surprised
by her own long tail.

Okay, well you need to,
we need to calm down.

We need to calm down.

Attack!

(suspenseful music)

No, no. Dogs, please cooperate.

Stop for one goddamn second.

No, I need this, I need this.

Stop. No.

Okay, wait, you stay.

No, I need you to not stay now.

(laughing)

Could you move?

Christ on a bike?

The,

This cat got big

and now it's constantly
surprised by her own long tail.

Relatable.

Amber met her girlfriend
through "Basically, I'm Gay"

and now they're moving in together.

Well, all of my trauma was worth it.

Go you.

I'm a total wipe out force apparently.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

(bark)

Make it stop, make it stop.

Oh my God, what's the
appeal? What's the goal?

Okay, it's been a lonely three
years for a lot of people.

This is the most physical
contact I've had in a while.

And lastly, Becca made a card

to announce
(barking)

that her goat is pregnant.

And you know what, Becca?

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Jesus Christ, children.

Becca made a card to announce
that her goat is pregnant.

Becca, all attempts at art are amazing.

Good for you, and I bet that
your goat will be a great mum.

Well, thanks to these guys,
I'm looking a bit "ruff."

Sorry I just ruined the whole show.

I'm Daniel Howell and thank you
for watching Dystopia Daily.

(mysterious outro music)