Vaccines: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

Vaccines, or as your fun doctor at your

family practice puts it,

"SHOTS, SHOTS,
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS

SHOTS, SHOTS,
SHOTS SHOTS SHO--

seriously there'll be a slight pinch."

Now, vaccines are one of humanity's most

incredible accomplishments, and they've

saved millions of lives, and there was

a time when a new one was
cause for celebration.

"Dr. Jonas Salk discovers a vaccine that

promises to wipe out childhood's crippling

and killing enemy, polio.

Anxious parents are thrilled and grateful,

responding to one of the greatest

mass inoculations in medical annals."

It's true, people lined up for the

polio shot like it was an iPhone.

Although, for the record, polio was never

'childhood's most crippling enemy' because

that was, and will forever remain,

accidentally seeing your father's penis.

[laughter]

But despite their success, small groups

are both skeptical and vocal about vaccines,

which is nothing, but these days their voice

has been amplified by the human megaphone

that is the President of the United States.

"I am totally in favor of vaccines,

but I want smaller doses over a longer

period of time. Because you take a baby in,

and I've see it, and I've seen it, and I had

my children taken care of over a long period

of time, over two or three year period of time,

same exact amount, but you take this little

beautiful baby, and you pump-- I mean

it looks just like it's meant for a horse,

not for a child--" [laughter]

That is Donald Trump on the campaign trail

raising doubts about vaccinations, and that

is a sentiment that he has also expressed

online with a Tweet reading,

"Tiny children are not horses"

And that is an assertion that Politifact rates

"Yeah, I mean, I guess technically we've

gotta give him that, but, good grief."

And look, look you know this.

It is not wise to take healthcare advice

from a man how has willingly sought care

from this doctor who looks like he sneaks into

a Senior Frog's in the middle of the night to

f--k the mozarella sticks. You know that.

But it is not just Trump who is skeptical.

And those concerns have driven some

people to extremes.

For instance, back in 2011, some parents

made headlines by taking what they saw

as a more natural route to immunizing

their children.

"Catherine, we're talking about parents

who are taking used lollipops, saliva, and

puss-soaked clothing from complete strangers,

and deliberately infecting their children."

[audience is grossed out]

Ok, ok, alright, so setting aside the

grossness of parents infecting their kids

with lollipops from strangers, that graphic

has an unfortunate misspelling because

swapping spit and passing "puss"

[laughter]

sounds like the sex talk that Kid Rock

would give his teenage son.

"Look bro, I know you're gonna wanna

swap some spit, pass some puss, but

if you don't throw a raincoat on that

devil dog, it's gonna be scorch-city

for you, buckeroo.

This was quality time we just had some
quality time."

And while it is important to remember that

the vast majority of parents are making sure

their children get vaccinated on time, the

voices of those who don't carry.

Any internet search about vaccines will

quickly lead you down a frightening rabbit hole.

And the background hum of doubt can make

some parents understandably nervous.

"I'm concerned about how many vaccines

we have to give our children at once."

"So I'm kind of a debating whether...

...I will do them, but I'm debating the age.

When should I have them done."

"There's just so much information there, and

I don't know who to ask. I don't know if there's

y'know, there's no such thing as an

unbiased source."

"At least 10% of parents delay or skip

some shots. Around 1% don't vaccinate at all."

Right, and y'know, parents get so much

information, it is hard to know what to do.

Should you vaccinate? Should you eat the placenta?

Should you let kids cry? And the answer

to those by the way are, yes, no, and

absolutely, because the more they cry now,

the more they'll be prepared to watch

'This is Us' when they get older.

[gets choked up while audience laughs]

And this atmosphere of confusion about

vaccines has caused real problems.

There are now 11 states where the number

of unvaccinated kids is on the rise.

And in small pockets all over America, the

numbers can get startlingly high.

In the Somali community in Minnesota, the

measles vaccination rate for children dropped

to just 42%, and that had some

very real consequences.

"Measles, once eradicated in the US, is now

exploding in Minnesota's Somali community

where many parents won't vaccinate.

The virus is so contagious that if you're

exposed to it and you don't have the

vaccine, there's a 90% change you'll contract it.

They can have permanent brain damage.

They can have blindness or deafness.

And so we wouldn't vaccinate if this was just

a rashy illness. This is a very serious disease."

Exactly. And this is how bad it is:

In that community, the number of measles

cases so far this year, has already outpaced

the total number in all the US last year.

And that is TERRIBLE.

Because the only thing Minnesota should

have more of than any other state is

Garrison Kieller and people disappointed

by the Mall of America.

"Oh, so it's just a bigger mall, and it has

two Build-a-Bear workshops.

That's amazing. [laughter]

This memory, it will last me a lifetime,

as will these two bears,

from two different Build-a-Bear workshops.

So tonight we are going to look at why

these fears persist and what the consequences

of succumbing to them can be.

Before we start, I kind of get why vaccines

can creep people out. Vaccination can mean

getting injected by a needle filled with

science juice.

Although every medical practice sounds

terrifying when you break it down like that.

An appendectomy means removing one

of your organs from stabbery.

Anibiotics are poisons used to murder

things living in you.

And even exercise means forcefully

burning up your insides.

My point is the human body is a true

carnival of horrors, and frankly, I'm

embarassed to have one.

[laughter]

And much of the fear surrounding vaccines

stems from their supposed link to autism.

Now that is a theory that gained traction

in the late '90s thanks to a study published

in a medical journal The Lancet suggesting

a link between autism and the MMR vaccine.

The study was of just 12 children, and it was

by this guy, Andrew Wakefield.

And if you're wondering why I didn't say

'doctor' Andrew Wakefield, this is why:

"Follow-up studies of hundreds of thousands

of children could not find any evidence

that the MMR vaccine causes autism.

And investigations into Wakefield's original

paper revealed he distorted the data and

acted unethically.

He's lost his medical license.

The Lancet paper has been retracted."

It's true: Wakefield made a big splash

before having his legacy tarnished, and

his title revoked. He's basically the

Lance Armstrong of doctors.

But even though Wakefield's conclusions

have been debunked many times, he not only

denies wrong-doing, he actually still gives

talks about the supposed dangers of the

MMR vaccine. In fact, this is him in 2011

talking to the Somali community that we saw

earlier in Minnesota, and presumably ending

his speech with, "Trust me. I'm a
used-to-be-a-doctor."

And to be fair, Wakefield is not the only

voice raising alarms about vaccines.

He has company from across the political

spectrum, from Robert F. Kennedy on the left

to Alex Jones wherever the fuck he fits in,

to even this guy:

"We can's make, um, you can't make people

do procedures they don't want. The parents

have to be the ones to make the decisions

for what's best for my-- for our kids.

It can't be the government saying that.

It's against the Nuremberg Laws."

Yes. [laughter] That is Rob Schneider

performing an impromptu rendition of his

famous character, The Annoying Guy Who is Wrong.

Because [laughter] despite his misunderstanding

of, among other things, what the Nuremberg

Laws are, and what constitutes acceptable

head wear for a grown man, Schneider has

spoken out against mandatory vaccines for

years, even once calling this California

State Assemblywoman to debate the issue,

prompting her to post on Facebook,

"...let's be honest, that is 20 minutes of

my life I'll never get back: arguing that

vaccines don't cause autism with

Deuce Bigalow; male gigolo."

[laughter and applause]
And yeah, sure, it's funny, but y'know,

hold on lady, let's not sully the good name

of Deuce Bigalow just because of something

that his portrayer Rob Schneider said.

That's like implying William Wallace doesn't

trust Jews, or Officer Nordberg is a murderer.

So, y'know, try and separate the two.

Now, the good news is these days very

few people will say they are completely

anti-vaccine. Instead, like the president,

they'll say, "I'm not anti-vaccine, BUT..."

And it's what comes after that BUT that

we need to look at tonight.

One example is, "Hey, I'm not anti-vaccine,

but I am pro-safe vaccine." And that can often

refer to concern over scary-sounding

ingredients like thimerosal, a mercury-based

preservative. For years now, RFK Jr. has led

a crusade against it. In fact, just his

year, he gave a speech where he said this:

"For 33 years, I've been working to get

mercury out of fish. Nobody has ever called

me anti-fish. Because I want mercury out of

vaccines, I should not be called anti-vaccine."

Ok, well... for a start, why would anyone be

ashamed to be called anti-fish?

Fish are stupid. And how do I know that?

Look at them! Just look at this idiot!

And it's not just him.

Check this moron out as well.