Brak-Dehakemuloj Kun Kiah | Kerno-Malpunkto-Info

Evildea - (old-person noises) Shit!

- Are we filming now?
- Yes, yes.

We're filming now. We'll start.

-Why am I so close? Move a little so I can
sit next to you.

I don't want to be a big head.

Now I have to... good.

Hello everyone, this is Evildea, your God.

- And today I'm here with... with...
- Me.

With me. From now on we'll call him 'me'.

But let's not do that because bit by bit
that becomes very confusing.

Yes, but you chose the name, not me.

My name is actually Kiah.

Yes, I'm here with Kiah, and I suppose
that you all already know that

- because he appeared in my previous videos.
- Really?
- Yes...

- You appeared in
- I'm in your films?

Yes, when you're not looking at me, I just
hide in the bushes and film you.

I want to watch those films! Why did you
film me? In my home?

- Yes!
- Because I never invited you!

Do you remember that time when you came
and you used my shower and...

- after I filmed from outside.
- Yes, and ate...

- Then?
- Okay, okay.

This is our new science episode of
Kerno Punkto.

- And today we have...
- Malkerno Punkto!

Malkerno, yes, I must remember that.

We don't know who Kerno Punkto is, but
we're not involved with them.

- In fact, we...
- In fact, we're lovers of Kerno Punkto.

We really like it. We really like it
and especially like it.

He often says to me how much he really
likes to listen to that podcast.

Yes, actually in my home I have a huge
poster of the two people

who produce that broadcast, and I hang it
above my bed in my bedroom,

and often before I go to sleep, I just
blow two kisses.

- Masturbating to them.
- No, I don't, I...

- Ejaculating.
- I don't do that.

- He doesn't do that. So, today, we...
- Sometimes I did that.

Today we'll talk about some important
topics, but I've totally forgotten what

we're going to talk about, so Kiah will
introduce that.

Because this is a science program, today
we'll talk about psychology.

So, I want to talk about a really strange
illness that I heard about recently.

In fact there are people in the world who,
throughout their whole life, feel that

there's something superfluous about them.
It's as if they don't need their right arm.

- Only the right one? Or doesn't it matter?
- Could be the right, the left,

any leg, it doesn't matter. But they're
like transsexuals, but not in the sense

that physically a male person wants to be
a woman, but actually no, that physically

a normal person wants to be armless, and
there are actually surgeons in the world

who - fuck you - there are actually
surgeons in the world who secretly

amputate the arms of these people.
And they maybe said first, but

that is a bit of a mediocre thing,
but they should just amputate

people's fully-functioning arms.

But those arm-amputators, actually it's
a good idea, because if the surgeons

didn't do that, they would maybe find a
way to lose their arm 'accidentally',

maybe at work, and actually there are even
web forums where those people can meet

online and discuss the best way to have
an accident at work and lose an arm,

and pretend to everyone that it really
was an accident, so that not everyone

would realise that they're crazy.

However, I have a question. They want one
of their arms to be amputated, don't they?

- Yes.
- So, for example, if I 'accidentally'

cut off only the front part of my arm,
and I still have the top part,

would I still want that part to disappear,
or would it be enough that only the

front part did?

I actually don't know. But they have done
scans of their brains, and found the part

of the brain which is malfunctioning, and
really they're born that way, and they

feel that arm is foreign to them, not
really a part of their body, and they

- have to get rid of it.
- Shit.

So imagine that, you found a way to cut
off your arm, but it didn't go well,

for example, at work, and you lose half
of your arm, but after you still want

- to get rid of the top part.
- Shit! I have to do it again.

I have to find a way to cut off the top
part of my arm accidentally again,

because I messed it up. Fuck that!

And imagine if, at work, he cut off his
arm, and later noticed that he actually

cut off the wrong arm!

Oh, shit!

Yes, that would be a regrettable affair.
So I hope that happens to you, Richard.

- No!
- And now I think that we have already

spoken too intellectually and my brain
is actually tired because of too many

scientific things now. So we'll change

- to a lighter...
- Unscience.

happier subject. And I want to tell you
about my friend, he's deaf and

he's in a wheelchair.
And last Friday night...

One moment. We have to give his name
in Esperanto.

His sign language name is like this.

- And that looks to me like a gun.
- Yeah, but actually it's a sailboat,

because his name is Loki, with L,
and that's like a sailboat, because

he likes sailing.

- He really likes it.
- But he believes it's like a gun.

It's a gun. That is a gun.

He gave him the Esperanto name. He
doesn't actually speak Esperanto,

except I taught him the word for 'cunt'.
He often does...

- Out of all the words, you chose that!
- Cunt! Cunt, cunt, cunt... yes, of course.

It's the best word in any language.

And so me and Gun, last Friday we went out
to a club and we listened to the music and

everything was good, and we wanted to go.
So we left.

And randomly we bumped into a woman, and
she said "Oh, hello, really good to meet - "

I don't know why she came up to us and
started talking, but it doesn't matter.

- "Oh, I'm fifty and..."
- Fifty!

- It's as if my grandmother went to a nightclub.
- Yes, it was a bit strange, because there were

a huge number of old people that (inaudible).
I think that they went to the wrong...

Wrong night! Didn't you read the sign
outside the nightclub that said it's

grandmothers' night?

- Oh, that's why.
- That's what you did (inaudible).

It doesn't matter. She came up to us and
she said "Oh, I grew up in Germany but

I moved to South Africa where I married
my Zulu husband and I've been

married to him for many years, and I
learned various African languages

but he actually died, so ten years ago
I moved to Australia and became

a lesbian, and now I have a girlfriend and

actually she's inside the club, so I'll
go get her, but first,

do you two boys want to smoke some weed?
Because I've already prepared a joint.

So, me and Gun said "Okay!" So I went
to the corner next to the pub,

the street corner, where we could hide,
and we started to smoke, and my friend,

Gun, he asked her "What's your Facebook?"
And she said "Actually I don't have Facebook."

- She's a grandmother.
- Because I'm really old-fashioned and

I just have this brick-like mobile phone."
And she put it in her bra and when she

- took it she showed an enormous amount of
- Skin

Skin to my firearm friend, and I thought,
"Oh shit,"

And I had to interpret, because he's deaf,
so I thought, "Oh shit, okay, Gun, you can

fuck two mothers at the same time tonight."
So I tried to encourage this.

But he was an idiotic dick, because I'd
already said to him, because we'd

already smoked that day, so I'd said to
him, "You'll be really high, and you have

to eat and (inaudible) something, or
you'll be totally... fucked.

But he didn't listen to me, and he smoked,
and he smoked a lot, and I thought,

"Oh, shit..." and he said to me,
"I'm really (inaudible), and you

have to call me a taxi." Because he's
deaf, so he can't do it, and he's in

a wheelchair, so I had to phone and
arrange everything.

- I have a question.
- Yeah?

How do deaf people actually call a taxi
when they don't have...

They can't. So they have to ask someone.
So I did it and, fucking great, the woman

said to me "Can I come, and my girlfriend?
We want to go home with Gun."