A TEDx? No, that's not for me! | Laura Dondi | TEDxYouth@EEB3

Are you shy or afraid to speak in public? That was certainly true for Laura Dondi, at least until she took part in TEDxYouth@EEB3 where she showed us concrete ways to overcome shyness in today's society.

Laura is a high school student of Italian and Austrian origin. She reveals to us exactly how she vanquished her fear during the presentation of her TEDx talk.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

Yes.

No.

But yes.

No.

That's not for me.

A TEDx talk? No, no!

First of all, I'm way too shy.

I'll never be able to speak in public!

I'm too shy.

The scariest thing is
you are all looking at me.

You're here looking at me,

and I'm sure that the only thing
you hear is my voice trembling.

I'm sure that the only thing you see

is my lips pinching
and my hands wringing,

my voice getting faster
without me being aware of it,

my words getting confusing
and my ideas getting mixed up ...

All these things put together
create uncontrollable stammerings

that might make my speech
incomprehensible.

My whole life, I've felt imprisoned
by shyness and lack of self-confidence.

For example, when I mingle
with a group of friends,

I'm never the first to share my opinion,

make a decision, or say something funny.

My whole life, I've limited myself

by telling myself that I couldn't
do it, that I was too shy,

and that it wasn't for me.

I often gave up
when a difficulty arose,

and I always chose to flee

rather than facing
the problem and assert myself.

Despite all that, I think there are
positive things about being shy.

In which ways can shyness
be advantageous?

I always considered my shyness
to be one of my biggest flaws

until I learned that Montesquieu
had the same difficulty.

Can you imagine that Montesquieu,
a man whom you and everyone know,

one of the most important men
of the Age of Enlightenment,

and a great lawyer, was shy? Really?

Could you believe this?

He even wrote in his work "My Thoughts":

"Shyness has been the curse
of my whole life."

But is shyness really a curse
as our famous philosopher says?

Does being shy really
only have a downside?

Couldn't it be seen as an asset?

Indeed, being a timid person
also has its advantages.

As a matter of fact, shy people
are wonderful conversation partners.

They listen more, they are discreet,

and they really don't want to make
themselves the center of attention.

This means that they are not going
to show signs of arrogance,

they won't have inflated pride or ego,

and they won't proudly
show off their latest iPhone

or other expensive brands
that indicates wealth.

On the contrary,
shy people stay humble,

and that's something that is becoming
more and more rare in our society.

That's how I realized
that shyness can be harnessed

so that it becomes a strength.

Since Montesquieu was shy,
he was a calm and thoughtful person,

and this was surely
a factor in his success.

I think we should find a good balance.

We should be able to be daring
but without going too far;

and we should be able
to think before we act

without being afraid
or ashamed to speak out.

Why am I not daring?

What am I afraid of?

Is it because I'm a girl?

In general, boys speak
more than girls in class.

I don't know why
the other girls don't speak,

but what I do know is
that if I'm not sure of an answer,

I prefer not to have the floor.

Obviously, I'm not the only one.

I don't question
the goodwill of teachers.

I know that consciously,
they do everything

to make all of us successful,
boys and girls together.

However, I discovered, thanks to a study

by the Belgian Teaching
and Continuing Education League,

that in 2012 two sociologists
filmed classes in France

in primary and secondary schools,

that showed that some teachers
subconsciously engage in behaviors

that value and encourage the boys more.

Subconsciously,

they ask girls to be more well-behaved
and boys to surpass themselves.

In other words, they encourage
boys to be daring.

Do boys have greater rights
to make mistakes,

or do they simply allow themselves
to make more mistakes?

I myself have the right to make mistakes,
but I prefer not to make them.

Why?

Why do I dare to be perfect?

Just on the way here,
I saw and all of us saw at least

ten posters of women
with perfect physiques

that were glorifying the merits
of clothes, makeup and perfume.

What's striking about those posters

is that all these women
are perfect but mute.

This requirement of perfection
is not only imposed on us

on those posters
and in advertising,

but also from a very early age.

A study from the sociology book
"Allez, les filles" in 2006,

showed that girls are encouraged
to develop themselves

according to how others see them
while constantly seeking adults' approval.

Why are women less daring than men?

In my school, and surely elsewhere too,
girls have better results than boys.

Yet, men are the ones who get the
highest positions in society in the end.

Why?

So I decided to conduct
a small investigation of my own

and asked several boys that question.

And do you know what answer they gave me?

They all gave me
the same answer and told me,

"That's because we're more dominant.
It's a fact, how things naturally are."

Maybe what they say is true,
but I'm not so sure.

What if it were precisely
because they suggest us,

or even worse, they
inculcate in us all day long

the idea that men are more dominant

so that we ended up accepting
and integrating that condition?

Can we really accept that?

I'm not okay with that.

I don't accept that we constantly
put limits on ourselves

whatever they might be.

We all have something
that we don't dare do,

whether it be singing in public,
jumping off a cliff into the water,

confess our love to someone,

or avoiding competition because
we feel we're not strong enough.

The truth is that we're all the same.

We're afraid.

We're afraid that things will go bad.

We're afraid to disappoint
either other people or ourselves.

We're afraid of failure,

and of what some people might think.

That's why we limit ourselves
because we don't want to take risks.

But I'm sure that many of you
know the famous saying:

"Nothing ventured is nothing gained."

My advice is ... apply it!

Take the bull by its horns.

Go beyond your limits and be daring.

Let's be daring!

Personnally, I don't want to keep silent.

Even if my voice shakes, I pinch
my lips and I wring my hands,

I don't want to be silent!

I came here. I dared to do it.

And I'm here to tell everyone
to be daring too,

and never, ever, ever say
that something isn't for them.

Thank you.

(Applause)