THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS: PILOT

[elegant music palys]

[drum roll]

- Welcome to the Amazing Digital Circus!

My name is Caine!

I'm your ringmaster,
and I'm here to show you

the most jaw-dropping, heart stopping,
mind-bending paraphernalia

you've ever laid your eyes upon!

Isn't that right, Bubble?
- That's right, Caine!

I can't wait to see
what you've got cooking up for today.

- Well, let's not waste any time.

Let's get right into the show.

-🎵 Gangle and Zooble and Kinger, too 🎵

🎵 Ragatha and Jax
and there's Kaufmo, woohoo 🎵

🎵 Day after day after -
day after - day after day we fly 🎵

🎵 Past the moon and the sun
and we don't know why 🎵

- W-W-Whe- Wh-
Where am I?

[wails]

Ah!

[flower pot banging rapidly]

[all groaning, grunting]
[music slows, stops]

- Caine, is this one of your NPCs,
or is this a new sucker?

'Cause if it's a new character,

we're gonna have to redo
this whole theme song.

[Zooble]: I'm not doing that again.
- My, my!

It appears a new human has entered this realm!

- How do I... take this...

headset off?!

- Just keep grabbing at it.

That worked for all of us.

[groans, gasps]

W-What's going on?

I-I-I put on some weird headset,

and now I'm...

here.

Who are you people?

Why can't I take it off?
Where am I?

- Let's just try to calm down.

Everything's gonna be okay, new stuff.

We've all been through this.
You just need to get your head to-

- What the [boing!] is going on?!

Wha-
-Now, now, now, my dear.

We can't have any of that
foul language around here.

The Amazing Digital Circus is a place
to be enjoyed by all ages.

You, my friend, stumbled into
an incredible world of wonders

where anything can happen!

E-Except for swearing.

-[honk!] [squeak!] [boing!] [bonk!]

[awooga!] [boing!] [shloompf!]
[pop!] [splat!] [boi-oi-oing!]

[boing!]

- Oh, my God.

U-Uh, well, h-how do I...

you know, leave?

-Uh--

-W-Well, don't freak out about it or anything,

but, uh, we don't exactly...

-You can't.
-What?

[Zooble]: Shut up, Jax.

But, yeah, he's right.

Welcome to your new home.

And your new body.

- "N-N-New home"?

What do you mean?

-Guys, don't be mean.

-We've been stuck here for years.

Old Kinger over there's
supposedly been here the longest.

[Kinger]: Huh? Did someone say something
about an insect collection?

-That's why he's crazy.

[chuckles] Eh.

-[panting]

Ohhhh, okay! Now I get it!

This is a dream,

and I should just play along
until I wake up, right?

-Whatever you say, kid.

-They broke my comedy mask...

-So, Caine...
-[whimpers]

-...We having a new adventure today
for the newbie, or what?

-I'd like to give our brand new member

a tour of the circus grounds first.

-Uh--
-Off we go!

Here, we have... the Tent!

This is where your living quarters are,

as well as all sorts of other activities!

These activities may include...

[dial-up tone blures]

...Ball pits, mini golf, and more!

And here, we have... the Grounds!

Drown yourself in the digital lake

or engage in ridery at the digital carnival!

Night, day, it's all okay!

The choice is yours!
A cosmic buffet!

-Uh, is... that all there is?

-Of course not.

This is THE VOID!

We don't venture out into the void.

[spooky voice]
Not even I know what's out there.

-That's, uh--
-We stay right here, where I can keep my...

[dramatic voice]
...hundreds of all-seeing eyes on you.

-[soft voice]
Hello, Caine. I love you.

-Eaugh! Let's get outta here
before the moon gets frisky.

-Wait, what's that-

Blegh!

-Whoa, clean up on aisle you!

-I'm on it, boss!

[slurping]

-Why are you like this?

-[groans] Wait, wait!

W-Was that an exit door I saw out there?

Is that a way to leave?
-What exit?

If there was a way to leave,
I'm pretty sure we'd have all left by now.

[gagging]
[Zooble]: Yeah, what are you talking about?

- Uh, I, ahem, I assure you there is no magical exit door.

You're probably just experiencing digital hallucinations!

From your mind's transition to the digital plane.

- I swear I saw- - Digital hallucinations!

How about we talk about something else?

Like your name.

- My name?

My name is, uh...

Uh, oh God!

Why can't I remember my name?

- Nobody can remember their name

once they enter the Digital Circus.

One of the few things I don't have control over

are your minds.

So all I can help you with is coming up with a new one.

- (groans) What's my name?

- Don't you worry your little head.

Your new name can be anything!

Hereby acknowledging that your chosen name and or names

may not breach the Digital Circus user license agreement

stating that your name may not include

objectionable content.

Objectionable content includes but is not limited to

sexually explicit materials, obscene, defamatory,

libelous, slanderous, violent,

and or unlawful content or profanity.

What are you thinking? - Huh?

I don't care, just pick anything.

- Let's see.

(wheel dinging)

What do you think of Xddcc?

- I don't- - You're right, terrible.

Let's try that again.

(wheel dinging)

What do you think of Pomni?

- Huh?

Uh, sure, I think I just-

- Gadzooks, you're right, Jax,

we should have a brand new adventure

for our new member, Pomni!

- I said that like five minutes ago.

- You!

Do you like adventure?

Activity, wonder, danger, horror, pain, suffering, agony?

Death, disease, death, angel food cake?

(Bubble munches)

You parasite!

- Uh, I don't really...

- Since you're new around here,

we're gonna make it a simple in-house adventure

to warm you up to how things work around here.

- What? No, God!

I don't want an in-house adventure.

- Don't worry, Zooble, I'll make it something unobtrusive

that you can still choose to not get involved with.

Today's adventure is, Gather the Gloinks. (cackles)

That's right, the entire circus tent

will be infested with gloinks, and you gotta catch 'em all.

- But what are they?

- I'm glad you asked, Bubble, they're small-

- And what do they do?

- They- - And how do they- (pop)

- Gloinks are small mischievous critters

that steal anything and everything they run into.

Why do these humanoid hash browns do this?

How do you stop them?

That's for you to find out.

Now good luck, and have fun, my little superstars!

- What did any of that mean?

- Oh, that's just one of Caine's little adventures.

They're just something fun to do to, you know,

prevent us from going insane.

- [Zooble] (sighs) Speak for yourself.

If anyone needs me, then (bleep) off.

Oh God, oh jeez, no! (cartoon blows thudding)

Oh, god!

Ah, somebody help!

- Oh no, they killed Zooble.

Anyway, you guys wanna go get something to eat?

- Oh, wait, we should go check on Kaufmo.

And I'm pretty sure he'd like to meet Pomni.

(cartoon blows thudding)

- [Kinger] My impenetrable fortress!

- You wanna come with us to check on Kaufmo?

- [Kinger] No, not really.

I think Kaufmo's gone insane.

Last time I spoke with him

he was rambling endlessly about some exit.

Kind of like you, Pomni, you might be going insane too

- But wait, wouldn't that more likely mean

the exit does exist?

- It could also mean

you just have a jumpstart on losing your mind.

- Well, I think I'd like to ask him about it,

if this was real, which it isn't, because it's a dream.

- Heh, she still thinks this is a dream.

- Uh, why are you looking at me like that?

- I'm fine with doing whatever,

as long as I get to see funny things happen to people.

(blow thuds)

Okay, I've already had enough of these things.

(sighs) You, me, and Pomni will go check on Kaufmo,

which leaves crybaby and hoo-ha

together to go handle the Zooble situation.

- (laughs) Do you think pairing them up together

is a good idea?

- Of course I do.

They're the two most mentally stable

and capable characters to be paired together.

Come on, ladies, let's go harass the clown.

- My comedy mask is broken again.

- [Kinger] (screams) Oh, Gangle, you startled me.

- So, this is where we all live.

Or, well, where we all sleep at night.

Even though we don't really need to sleep,

it's sometimes nice to kind of take a break from everything

and have a bit of a routine, you know?

I'm sure there'll be one for...

Oh look, you already got one.

- I still don't understand.

About the adventures, why even go on them at all?

Why not try to find a way to leave?

- Well, we usually do, when we first arrive,

but after a while you start to realize

that you really can't leave

and constantly chasing an unattainable goal

will start driving you a bit crazy.

And eventually you get to asking

what the point of anything is

and you completely lose sight of who you are

and why you're even alive

and when you reach your breaking point

something really terrible can happen.

Ah, but that's not something we need to deal with today.

Above anything else,

the adventures give us something to do

that keeps our minds healthy and stimulated.

(doorbell rings)

- Thank goodness this is all a dream, right, Pomni?

(suspenseful music)

- (gasps) Why are we here again?

What are we doing?

- We're getting one of our friends.

(doorbell rings)

Huh, maybe he's not in his room?

I hope he's all right.

- Don't worry, Dollface, I've got a key to his room.

- Wha, wait, wh-why?

You, you, you shouldn't have keys to anyone's room.

- Nah, I've got keys everywhere, and you've all been fine.

By the way, I may have left something in your room today,

so let me know if you find it.

You're not afraid of centipedes, are you?

- Jax!

That's literally my only fear, why would you do this?

- What, it could be a completely unrelated question.

You'll never know until it's too late.

(door creaks)

(suspenseful music)

(static crackling)

Oh, I've been looking for this.

Thanks for keeping an eye on it, Kaufy.

I'm gonna head out, see you.

- Oh, Kaufmo's been abstracted.

That, that's okay.

- What is that?

- It might be that terrible thing

I was talking about earlier

when you reach your breaking point.

- H-huh? (static crackling)

- Okay, wait, maybe there's still time to fix 'em

if we get Caine.

(static crackling) (objects clattering)

Whoa, Kaufmo, listen!

- I know we didn't always get along,

like when you called me out for fake laughing at your jokes.

I swear, I really did think they were funny,

I was just having a bit of a bad day.

(blows thudding) (Ragatha groaning)

Hey, Pomni, do you think you could perhaps help me out here?

I understand if you don't want to though.

(electricity crackling)

- I'm sorry.

(Pomni panting)

(Kaufmo growls)

(Kaufmo thudding)

(Pomni gasps)

(wall clattering)

(static crackling)

(Zooble screaming)

- [Kinger] I don't know what I'm looking at here.

- We saw a Gloink carry

one of Zooble's pieces down there, remember?

- [Kinger] Oh, yeah, thank you for the recap.

(Zooble screaming)

Boy, we're not very good at this, are we?

- Ugh, sup, fellas?

- [Kinger] Jax!

We found the Zooble hole.

- Cool.

- How is Kaufmo doing?

I hope he's not still mad at me

for not laughing at his jokes.

- Oh, he's doing great.

In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him this happy before.

- [Kinger] Well, it's good to know

he hasn't completely lost his mind.

(Kaufmo growling)

- He actually asked me to give you this.

- Oh!

(Gangle screams)

(light dinging) (audience cheers)

(group thudding)

(pins rattling)

- Heh!

(sign chiming)

(sign snaps)

(monster growling)

(monster burps)

- [Kinger] (gasps) An insect collection?

- I think it's a nest.

- Ah! - Hello?

Ragatha?

That was your name, right?

- O-o-over here. (groans)

- Hey, look, I'm,

I didn't mean to leave you behind like that,

I just, look at my hand.

I, I didn't know what to do.

- It, it's okay.

What you need to do right now is find Caine,

he'll be able to fix me up and take care of, of Kaufmo.

- Oh, okay, but where can I find him?

- Uh, I don't really know, just look around

and call for him I suppose.

- Uh, okay, I'll get him, you just stay right there.

Not that you can really move or anything.

Just hang in there, I'll be right back, I promise.

- Cool.

- So, Pomni, I'm sorry your first day here

had to be so terrible.

- Uh, yeah, well, don't worry about it.

I'm just gonna go get Caine now.

Hello? Caine?

We have a bit of an issue here!

(eerie music)

(doors clicking)

(blow thuds) (boxing glove boings)

(water bubbling)

(eerie music)

- Ah! (Pomni gasps)

(door thuds)

(blow thuds) (boxing glove boings)

(glass shattering) - Hm?

Caine?

(suspenseful music) (static crackling)

(Pomni panting)

- Huh, what form of non Gloinkinian mass

dares presume presence in the nest of the Gloink Queen?

- Oh, is that who you are?

You know, you could have asked for my consent

before forcing me to see something

so completely and utterly disgusting.

- (grumbles) How despicable, a rabbitoid that runs its mouth

in the presence of my royal figure.

- [Kinger] Well, as a royal myself,

I would like to kindly ask if, oh, look, there's Zooble.

Hi, Zooble.

- [Zooble] Ah, help me, you idiots.

- Kinda rude, Zooble.

Now I don't wanna help you.

- Oh, I always lose. - Yes!

Gotcha!

Oh.

- [Zooble] Hey, Kinger, you mother-

(Gloink Queen munching)

(Gangle squeals) - Eh, he'll be fine.

(Gloink thudding)

(Pomni panting)

- Gotta hide, gotta hide, gotta hide.

(eerie music)

(monkeys shrieking)

(static crackling)

(blow thuds)

(suspenseful music)

God, where is Caine?

(Pomni gasps) (door clicks)

(eerie music)

(Pomni gasps)

(Pomni panting)

(Pomni panting)

(blows thudding)

- You foolish assortment of colorful characters!

Do you not realize that everything must be Gloinks?

I am Gloinks, you will be Gloinks, god will be Gloinks!

- This is dumb and weird.

- Well, but, yet you're still watching it.

- I'm not here for the adventure or anything,

I'm just here to hide from the-

(Kaufmo thuds)

- [Kinger] Oh, thank God you're okay.

You didn't experience a game show in there, did you?

- [Zooble] (groans) I, what are you talking about?

(blows thudding) (Gloink Queen groaning)

(cartoon blows thudding)

- What's happening?

- It's just Kaufmo, don't worry about it.

- Kaufmo abstracted? - Nah, he's fine.

- [Kinger] You're right, how are we gonna get outta here?

- [Zooble] You guys, over there.

- [Kinger] Huh.

- Ladies first.

No, wait, why would I say that?

- [Zooble] Wait, Pomni's not even here?

Wasn't this whole thing for her.

- Be quiet, I can't hear the escalator.

(Pomni panting)

(Pomni panting and groaning)

(Pomni groans)

- Ah!

(eerie music)

(Pomni cackling)

(hallway creaking)

(elegant music)

(elegant music continues)

(elegant music continues)

(Bubble and Caine laughing)

- Oh, Bubble, you always know

how to make me say this exact sentence.

(wacky watch chiming)

Gasp, an alert on my wacky watch at this hour?

(wacky watch chiming)

Oh no, someone's venturing out into the void!

They'll get totally spoiled!

(Caine whooshing)

There you go!

Now what the heck happened around here?

Oh yeah, my doing.

- [Kinger] Caine!

Kaufmo went through a sort Kaufmosis and abstracted!

- Kaufmo Abstracted?

Why didn't anybody tell me?

(wacky chiming)

And into the cellar you go.

- [Zooble] Man, I can't believe Kaufmo

just gave up like that.

I mean, no offense, Kinger,

but I always thought you would be next.

- [Kinger] Thank you.

- Guess it just goes to show

you can't rely on Kinger for anything.

- I am in so much pain!

- Oh. (snaps)

I do have to apologize for lying about the exit.

I knew how much all of you

have been wanting there to be one, but, you know,

I was having so much trouble figuring out

what to put on the other side

and ended up never quite finishing it.

And you know how I never like letting people see

my unfinished work,

especially if it leads you out into the void.

Anyway, it looks like you defeated the Gloink Queen

so I guess the adventure's over.

Your reward is a delicious digital feast

cooked by our head Bubble Chef.

- Made with all the love I'm legally allowed to give.

- You know, I am pretty hungry.

- You didn't even do anything.

- So what?

I can still be hungry.

- [Kinger] Well, not really,

'cause we don't need to eat, drink or sleep

in this digital world.

So the digital food here

only gives off the virtual sensation of eating

without any of the nutritional benefits.

- [Jax] Sheesh, lay off it.

Since when are you an expert on the digital world?

- [Kinger] Expert on the what?

(majestic music)

(majestic music continues)

(majestic music continues)

(majestic music)