Hoping in Christ in the Midst of Losing a Spouse - Ask Pastor Tim

So here's another one.

This is from Michael.

It's dated September 3rd.

So this is not too far removed

for somebody who's going
through what he's going through.

"My wife recently died.

Since then, I've done more than

go to our usual church -

I've immersed myself in the sermons

of Adrian Rogers,

Charles Stanley, Joyce Meyer,

Joel Osteen, David Jeremiah,

Tony Evans, John Hagee."

I mean, that's basically your who's who

of radio preachers.

"I can't tell you how many others.

I'm seeking a word from God -

His Son and my Savior - the Christ,

the Holy Spirit and my conscience."

So, "I'm seeking a word from God."

"I'm seeking a word from His Son, Christ."

"I'm seeking a word from the Holy Spirit."

"I'm seeking a word from my conscience."

He's seeking a word.

"Here's my question:

When I feel, hear, sense, or imagine

a voice telling me the
direction I should go,

what I should do, how I should live,

or a choice I should make,

how do I know which voice I should heed?

Do I do what I want?

Do I oblige the voice that causes me

the most earthly suffering in hopes

it's the direction to salvation?

Do I needlessly deny myself

and the life lessons I have learned?

Do I accept the advice of people around me

not knowing if they're
good or evil in heart?

How can I be sure whether it's a voice

to which I should attend?

Or the temptation of the enemy?

Or to borrow a line from Dickens,

'You may be an undigested bit of beef,

a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese,

a fragment of underdone potato.

There's more of gravy than
of grave about you,

whatever you are.'

To compound my dilemma,

I'm now writing this question

to an unnamed, unknown,

unfamiliar online pastor.

I just want an answer.

I just want hope.

I just want direction.

I'm lost.

My anchor and the rock

to which I had dedicated
my life has died.

She died. It should have been me."

I mean, what you hear is a man -

he's looking for something,

for substance, answers, truth,

a voice.

And you know what?

The reality is in this world -
we know it -

there's a thousand voices.

And they will come at you.

They will come at you
from all these preachers.

Yes, I'm an online pastor -

it's just another voice,
it's another voice.

He's obviously empty. He's hurting.

He's sad and full of sorrow.

He's longing for something
to fill the emptiness.

He's asking,

how can I know?

Where do I look?

I mean, I think most us here,

we know the answer to that.

I mean, look, he's right.

I'm just another voice.

But the reality is this,

there is a place in this world

where we can find truth.

And there's really only one place

that we have the guarantee is truth.

And what you find is that even

when somebody like the Apostle Paul

came along and preached,

those people at Berea were commended

because they went to
Scripture to prove it.

Listen, Zeke preached on Sunday morning.

Do you know what he dealt with?

He dealt with Luke 7, right?

Isn't that where he was?

Luke 7?

He was dealing with John the Baptist.

Do you remember John the Baptist?

He sent his disciples:

"Are You the one, or
should I look for another?"

Here's a man - think about this -

here's a man sitting in jail.

It's not exactly the same situation,

but it's similar.

He's not certain.

He's not certain.

Reports are coming back.

Different things - he
has his own experience.

He heard that voice say,

"The One upon Whom you see

the Spirit descend and
remain, that's Him."

That voice spoke there that day

when He was baptized.

You know what? Supernatural things happen.

There are many voices.

There is much supernatural.

He's looking for something

perhaps even supernatural.

But I'll tell you what Jesus did.

Jesus didn't say to those disciples

of John the Baptist:

Hey, John was there at the river

the day I got baptized.

Go remind him of what My Father

spoke from heaven.

Go remind him of Who
the Spirit fell upon.

He didn't do that.

You know what He did?

He roughly appealed

to about three verses in Isaiah.

And He basically said this:

You go tell John

that Scripture is being fulfilled.

You know what's interesting?

Peter does the same thing.

Peter was up on the
Mount of Transfiguration.

You remember that?

He heard the voice.

He saw the glory.

But you know what?

When he's writing his epistles,

he said there's a more
certain word than that.

Miracles, voices, whatever.

It doesn't matter who
it is that's preaching.

It doesn't matter who the
voice is coming from.

It doesn't matter how well
known the preacher is.

There's one place that is a sure anchor.

It's not to be found on
mounts of transfiguration.

It's not to be found down at the river

where the Spirit of God
fell upon Jesus Christ

at His baptism.

You know what? Those things are true.

Those things happened.

But that's not where we build our faith.

It's not on miracles.

It's not on these voices -

unless we test those voices

like the Bereans.

They were more noble.

Why? Because they sought

to find out from Scripture

if those things were so.

There's one place where we can go

where we know we're
going to encounter truth.

And I would just say to Michael,

you need to go to Scripture.

It's time to turn off all the voices.

Because you know what?

Some of those people will give him truth,

and some of those people

will give him damnable lies.

And some of those people will give him

truth in some areas
and not in other areas.

And we have to test.

We have to go to Scripture.

If he wants an anchor for his soul -

because what's happening is

he said, "I'm lost."

I don't know that he means that so much

as far as he really thinks
he's spiritually lost

as much as he feels like

he's lost without his wife.

He's lost without this anchor in his life.

He's just kind of wandering now.

Ruby and I were just talking recently

about people losing their spouses,

and just the level of difficulty

that people experience with that.

And I know he's going
through a really hard time.

And sometimes when you're going through

that kind of difficulty

it's like all you really want

is the pain to stop.

Sometimes all you really want

is to get back what you lost.

But what's critical is that he go

to that rock (incomplete thought).

You've got to go be exposed

to the Word of Christ

and actually bow to what you see there.

I mean, that's his only hope.

In this world of a thousand voices,

we've got to know our Bibles.

That's where Michael's got to go.

(incomplete thought)

Look, it can be real easy

when we come across people like this

to want to tell them something

that we think is going to
make them feel better.

We feel pity.

We feel sorrow for them.

We can enter in.

I mean, I was feeling that
as I was reading that.

But look, if you really want
to be faithful to people,

there's really only one place

where there's hope.

There's one place where he's going to

get confronted by truth.

And that's in Scripture.

And you know the reality is

if he truly comes face to
face with Scripture,

he may find (incomplete thought).

You know, there's a season to mourn.

But the thing is if you mourn too long,

do you know what that probably says?

It probably says that
there's a wrong idolatry.

And Scripture will expose that.

(incomplete thought)

Have you ever read the Old Testament

and you just thought about the prophets?

You have God tell Jeremiah:

Don't marry.

You have God tell Hosea:

Marry a harlot.

You have, was it Isaiah, that God said -

James: That was Ezekiel.

Tim: Yeah, that was Ezekiel.

James: I have it right here.

Tim: If you've ever thought about how God

dealt with the prophets concerning wives,

it's hard.

(Incomplete thought)

Man is looking for hope.

We're all looking for hope.

And we've got this sure anchor.

I mean, there really is hope to be found

in this book if it's the kind
of hope we're looking for.

I remember meeting with a woman.

She wanted to meet.

She was basically living with a guy.

I don't know if they were common law,

but the guy ended up cheating on her -

not that they were married,

but he moved out, he left her.

It was a sister to somebody in the church

and I met with her.

And after talking to her for a little bit,

I said, you know, I think
all you really want

is the pain to go away.

And she said yes! She didn't even deny it.

She said, yes, that's exactly what I want.

I just want the pain to stop.

She really wasn't interested in a Savior.

She really wasn't interested

in being healed spiritually.

She just wanted the pain to stop.

I saw when my mom divorced my step-dad,

he got religious.

People go to church.

People seek out religious preaching

because they're looking for something

to stop the hurt.

The thing is in the midst of all of it

what we really need

is not for the hurt to stop.

What we really need is

somebody to cleanse our soul.

Now He comforts - we
have a comforting God.

But the thing is if we're
looking for His comforts

aside from looking for His healing,

then we're looking for the wrong thing.

We'll never find the
one without the other.

Comfort ye, comfort ye, My people.

That's what Scripture says,

but you've got to be one of His people.

And to be His people,

you've got to be one of the sick

who needs Christ to help.

Sick.

You see, that's the issue.

Knowing that I myself am sick -

not just that I know that
I have lost my spouse

and there's this emptiness.

I know I hurt.

Lots of people seek God
when they're hurting,

but not because they actually
are looking for healing.

Anything more to say on that one?

James: I think like
you said - the idolatry -

because he said:

the rock to which I
dedicated my entire life.

I could never say that about my spouse.

If one in the church told me

their life is dedicated to their wife?

We'd be like, brother, that's not right.

Tim: Yeah, there was that sense in there.

And if he really goes to Scripture,

his idolatry will be confronted.

Because you know, if he reads Scripture

from end to end,

he'll read an account like Ezekiel.

And that's a hard thing.

I just read Ezekiel not long ago,

maybe a month ago.

And it just struck me.

In fact, when I read that specifically,

it made me think about how God dealt

with all the prophets concerning wives

and how at least three examples

of something unusual there.

I think of the single people

who really desire to be married.

And can you imagine if you're the prophet?

And then, you have Isaiah -

was it Isaiah?

Or am I mixing that up with Ezekiel again?

And you think,

if you really just stop and think,

God wants me to actually do this

for like two years of my life.

He wants me to whatever

or He wants me to go marry a harlot.

Or it's just like the
delight of your eyes -

she's gone, just like that.

And didn't God say not to mourn for her?

James: He said, "Yet you shall not

mourn or weep, nor shall tears run down.

Sigh, but not aloud.

Make no mourning for the dead.

Bind on your turbin.

Put on your shoes on your feet.

Do not cover your lips

nor eat the bread of men."

And he says, "So I spoke to
the people in the morning,

and at the evening, my wife died.

And on the next morning,

I did as I was commanded."

Tim: Yeah, I read that and I just stopped

and thought... (incomplete thought).

But those are the things we're
confronted with in Scripture.

And those are the things that
we're all confronted with.

Look, the reality is we have

an immensely kind Father

and a giving Father,

but He also takes.

I mean, that's what Job learned.

And every one of us He teaches

to say, "The Lord has given,

and the Lord has taken."

And coming to the place:

"Blessed be the name of the Lord."

He lost all of his children.

And his wealth.