CLAP - A Short Film By Allison Raskin

Dad: You just grab it, see right at the end
Beth: what do you want me to do?

Dad: Just grab the end, grab the end
Beth: This part?

Dad: I'm gonna hold on to it
and just bend it off

Beth: With my hands?

Dad: Yeah, right where it is come on

Beth: Why don't you just
get ones that fit the drawer?

Dad: Well these ones fit the drawer once
you bend off the top

Dad: Come on you're strong, use your legs

Beth: What, how? Alright no
Dad: Use your legs

~Phone Rings~

Dad: Oh hang on a second

Dad: Hello

Dad: Yeah she is, hang on one second

Dad: It's for you

Beth: Hello?

Doctor: Beth it's Doctor Lighter,
uh we've got your test results

Beth: Oh yeah, um cool?

Doctor: Uh your culture came back
positive for Chylamidia

~Hand Clap~

Beth: Oh

~Nervous Laugh~

Beth: That's Interesting

Doctor: Maybe for you,
I see it quite a lot

Doctor: Frankly it's becoming
a bit exhausting

Beth: Totally, I uh yeah no totally

Doctor: Okay, so you're gonna need to be on
antibiotics for a week, what is your pharmacy?

Beth: Mhhm, mhhm yeah

Doctor: What? What is your pharmacy?

Beth: Yep, umm

Beth: ~Nervous Laugh~

Beth: Oh my god, I know I know

Doctor: I do not understand
why you're being like this

Doctor: Is your pharmacy the same as your mothers?

Doctor: Heartsdale something or other?

Beth: YES! Yes that's soo perfect

Doctor: ~Sighs~

Beth: Thank you

Doctor: Goodb...

Beth: ~Hangs up phone~

Beth: I'm gonna go get a hammer

Dad: I don't think we'll need
it but go ahead

Dad: Hee yaw

Dad: Yeah, get the hammer

Mom: You should really see your
grandparents before you go back to school

Beth: ~Subdued~ Ok

Mom: Really, no bribery required?

Beth: I have Chlymidia

Mom: Which one is that?

Beth: I don't know, I just found out

Beth: I'll Google it

~Music~

Mom: I wished you used a
different pharmacy

Mom: Now friendly pharmacist Bob
thinks that I have an STD

Beth: It was under MY name

Mom: Oh right, that's better

Mom: Do you wanna talk about it?

Beth: ~Sighs~ I don't know

~Paper bag rustling~

Beth: We used a condom

Mom: That's good, who's "we"?

Beth: Brian

Mom: The drummer?

Mom: I thought you broke up?

Beth: We did

Mom: So this was like a parting gift?

Beth: Mom!

Mom: Sorry, I couldn't resist

Mom: You should probably take
that with food

~Music~

Mom: Do you want me to make you some eggs?

Beth: mmm it's like 3pm

Beth: Ok, eggs sound good

Beth: Why do I have to call him?

Mom: Because, it's the right thing to do

Beth: Can I just send him a text?

Mom: You do NOT want this in writing

Beth: ~Sarcastically~
What is the NSA gonna find out I have Chlamydia

Mom: they've destroyed people for less

Beth: Maybe I can just Snapchat
him that way it'll just disappear

Mom: ~Chuckles~

Dad: What will disappear?

Beth: mmm nothing

Beth: and that's why it's easy

Dad: Oh.. hey when was the last time
I got a Tetanus shot?

Mom: Ask your mother

Dad: You know what, it's just a scratch
with blood on it I'm sure it'll be fine

Dad: Say, why are you making eggs at 3pm?

Mom: Uhhh

Beth: New diet, it's a diet and
uhh I'm on it

Beth: I gotta eat it every hour, eggs

Dad: That's my girl

Dad: Other freshmen they're just out
there making mistakes

Dad: Living their life recklessly

Dad: And you're talking about nutrition

Mom: Do you... want some eggs?

Dad: No, that's a weird time to eat eggs

Dad: No offence

Beth: Hey, none taken

Dad: So you know I've got just
one more drawer left

Dad: If you wanna come up and
finish the job

Mom: uhhh, let the girl eat

Dad: ~High-pitched~
Okay, sorry

Dad: Just somebody said to me they
wanted to clean up their office

Dad: So I said, "oh okay, I'll do it"

Dad: No problem, I've got nothing to do
on a Saturday

Dad: I don't even watch any football
games or anything like that

Dad: and I'm fine by the way

Dad: you guys, don't worry about it

Dad: I got this

Mom: I have to tell him

Beth: WHAT?!?

Beth: No, why?

Mom: Because he's my husband
and we don't have secrets

Beth: Well that's not true at all

Beth: He thinks your Louboutin
bag is from a sidewalk sale

Mom: Uhh money doesn't count

Mom: He PREFERS I lie about that

Beth: Well maybe he would prefer
you lie about

Beth: His only daughter having a
sexually transmitted disease

Mom: No, I don't think so

Beth: This is INSANE, what
about our mother daughter bond

Mom: My marriage pre-date's that

Beth: Can you wait till I
go back to school?

Beth: I just feel like I can't ever look
him in the eye again if he knows

Mom: Give your father a little credit

Mom: He didn't say ANYTHING
after he walked in on Matt Miller

Mom: fingering you under a blanket

Beth: WHAT!

Beth: No, na na no, when?

Mom: Poor guy he almost cried

Mom: ~Laughing~

Beth: This is the worst day of my life

Dad: Ladies can you come up here, NOW?

Mom: ~Whispering~
Eat it quick

~Music~

Dad: Ladies... what do you have to
say for yourselves

Beth: I'm sorry that I'm a slut

Mom: Uhh it's just a term

Mom: You know how slang's always changing

Dad: Alright, okay yeah

Dad: No, I've heard that

Dad: Hey, uhh so what do you think?

Mom: I can't believe it!

Mom: I never thought you would
ACTUALLY organize this place

Dad: well, thank you for NOT
believing in me

Dad: now the slut thing...

Dad: how, how... what does that mean?

Beth: Umm you know it's just
like a catch-all term

Beth: Umm, sorry I'm late I'm a slut

Beth: Uh or like uhhh I'm sorry that I ate all
that food um that's a... I'm a slut

Mom: I'm sorry I made my mom do all my
laundry even though I said I would do it

Mom: I'm such a slut

Beth: Okay

Dad: Wow, I should use that at the weekly
partner meeting

Dad: Like I could say, " Oh I'm so sorry
I feel asleep, I'm such a slut"

Mom: Don't do that
Beth: Please don't do that

Dad: Really?

Beth: I wouldn't
Mom: Don't do that

Dad: No?

Mom: It's just for millenials

Dad: Oh, well they have ALL the fun

Dad: Okay, you wanna see where I put all
the Yankee memorabilia?

Dad: Now here's a hint...
It's not where you think

Mom: Uhh Allen

Dad: Mhhm

Mom: Uhh we need to talk

Beth: Now?

Dad: You're not gonna divorce me in front
of the kid are ya?

Dad: ~Laughs~

Beth: I'm gonna go to my room

Dad: You're not really divorcing
me in front of the kid?

Dad: Damn it

~Music~

Brian: Hello?

Beth: Brian?

Brian: Yeah

Beth: It's Beth

Brian: I know
~chuckles~

Beth: How are you?

Beth: Actually don't answer
that I don't care

Brian: Okay, then why are you calling me?

Beth: It's just that umm

Guys: ~Cheering because of video game~
Beth: I have Chlamydia

Beth: Brian?

Beth: Did you hear me?

Brian: Uhh yeah, you said you had
Chlamydia?

Beth: Aaand?

Brian: I don't believe you

Beth: What do you.. why would I lie
about having Chlamydia?

Brian: I don't know... attention

Beth: ~Sighs~

Beth: Okay.... Brian, I have Chlamydia

Beth: A very rude doctor told me that
today and now my mom is informing my dad

Beth: That his perfect daughter
is actually a sex pot!

Beth: I only called you as a courtesy
because you took my virginity

Beth: I don't wanna get back together with you

Beth: and I don't want attention

Beth: I'm just calling to tell you that
maybe you should get your

Beth: dick checked out before the next poor
girl makes the mistake of engaging with it

Brian: Wait... why is your
mom telling your dad?

~knock on door~

Beth: I have to go

Dad: So your mom told me
about the umm... disease

Beth: Look, I'm sorry dad

Beth: I mean I really tried to be careful

Beth: like we used a condom

Dad: Hey Beth, it's okay

Dad: It can happen to anyone

Dad: Come here

Dad: I mean I had it in college

~Hand Clap~

Dad: Your mom doesn't know that so uhh

Dad: let's not tell her shall we

~End Credit Music~

~Hand Clap~