Mi Manĝas Tarantulon

Hello everyone!

Here is Evildea, your God, and today

I have to eat that fucking spider.

And I totally don't want to do that.

Honestly, when I bring this tarantula

near my face, I feel something inside

which says to me,

"Flee, Evildea! It's a stupid idea."

In fact, what happened to my life?

Why am I now here, in this position,

when I have to eat a tarantula?

What the fuck?

If you said to me, a year ago,

"Evildea, after a year, you'll be, maybe,

the largest Youtuber in Esperanto-land,

but you'll have to eat a tarantulas."

I would simply respond, "No.

I don't want to do that.

I totally don't want to do that."

Oh, fuck.

So, I searched the Internet a lot. In fact

I sat there in front of my computer

for 2 hours and just searched

recipes for tarantulas, and in fact,

I searched this tarantula because I don't

know if it will kill me if I eat it.

And of course, I don't want to die.

That is a bad idea.

It's a Thailand Zebra Tarantula,

and according to the Internet,

this tarantula is -excuse me,

I think that I just saw one of legs move-

this tarantula is edible and people really

like to eat it in Asia, southern Asia

and...so I have to eat it.

But first I actually have to burn

away the hair because if I eat the hair

I'll certainly get sick.

So you must burn them off.

So now I must do that, and later I have

a plan about how I can eat it

because you have to remember that I

really can't cook. So I have a plan,

are you ready?

So according to the Internet

I must burn off the hair

but also not eat the butt because

it's actually it's just full of shit.

I have a strange fear. I'm afraid,

and of course an unreasonable reason,

that it will jump from the box

and attack my neck.

I don't want to open it!

Maybe it is still alive

and it's just waiting for me motionless

until when I open it, it then can attack.

but one of the legs is broken,

so I suppose that's not possible.

Oh shit.

Aaaaahhhh!

Aaahhh, it's moving, it's moving!

So first, I have to cut away the butt.

Oh shit, touching it is strange!

Here's the butt.

I certainly have to throw this knife away

I can no longer use it.

How can I burn the hair away

if I can't touch it?

Aaaaahhhh....one moment!

Here's my plan: I intend to use the knife

to put it above the flames.

You can see the flames when I put it

above the fire, and I think that means

that the hair - excuse me,

you can't see that - I think that

means the hair is burning off.

So I believe that I burned all the hair.

(Female Voice in English) You're an idiot.

(Evildea in Esperanto) Yes, I am an idiot.

I don't know, I don't know why I want to eat it.

So, we believe that it's ready, but

we really don't know.

Taadaa!

Do you like it?

Aaaaahhhh! (laughter)

(moans)

I have a leg.

and yesterday, I said that I totally

didn't want to eat leg after leg.

But no I don't want to put the whole thing

in my mouth.

I just ate the leg of a spider!

I never thought that I could do that.

And it is - it tastes like burnt paper.

(strange sounds)

Fuck you, Jason Knuckles, fuck you.

Why would you want to buy me a spider?

Really?

You want me to eat this shit?

Are you happy?

Are you happy now?

This is totally fucked.

I just ate 2 legs, and still, there are -

How many? 6 legs. I can't count.

So, I just found a use for the word,

"gambo" (entire lower extremities)

because I have 3 legs in my hand

and now I must eat them.

(more strange sounds)

My wife just said to me, that she's never

before seen anyone use a knife and a fork

to eat a spider.

So, this time, I will try to eat

1 leg completely.

So here it is, the entire leg

My wife is sitting there with a camera

and is just filming me and laughing a lot

and probably she'll now send that video

to her friends.

Uh! Fuck you!

(even more strange sounds)

My wife is just sitting there and

commenting on everything I do.

She said, "You can't use water, because

that makes it easy."

"You can't do that, you can't use a fork,

you must simply put the entire

thing in your mouth!"

So here's the entire body and 3 legs.

I'll try to eat the entire thing.

Are you ready?

I'll now do it, I'll now do it.

3......2......1

(strange sounds and a seizure)

(Female voice off screen, unintelligible)

Shut up!

(Female voice off screen) You swallow yet?

Yes.

(Female voice off screen) You're sweating

I will find you, Jason Knuckles,

and I will really kill you for this.

Only 1 leg remains