Paul Mescal Monologue - SNL

Ladies and gentlemen.
Paul Mescal.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I'm Paul Mescal,
and it is great to be here.

I've always loved SNL.
This place has so much history.

And growing up back home,
I never imagined

I'd be standing here.

I'm also excited to be here
because I'm not really known

for comedy, which is crazy
to me because I think I've

given a lot of really funny
performances, and I think

we have some highlights here.

Sorry.

Oh.

No. It's fine.

God. All right.

I mean, it's funny,
you know, but.

I think it's pretty clear I'm
not afraid to do

emotional scenes or nude scenes
or nude emotional scenes, but.

But recently, I did pivot to
something new in Gladiator two.

It's a.

It's a big action
packed blockbuster.

Here's a look.

So it's.

It's safe to say there's not
a lot of comedy on the resume.

Anyway, I do take great pride
in being Irish.

And the Irish people have
been through a lot, you know,

centuries of British occupation,
the Great Famine, mass

emigration, that U2 album that
automatically got downloaded

on everyone's problems.

So before we start the show, I
just want to clear up some ugly

stereotypes about the Irish.

For example, there's
a nasty rumor that Irish people

have sex with our cousins.

Right.

That's offensive.
And it's ridiculous.

We have sex with our
second cousins.

People also think
the Irish hate British people.

That's not true.

We just don't
consider them people.

And sometimes people ask me if I
think Notre Dame's mascot, the

Fighting Irish, is offensive.
Not at all.

We do the same thing
with the Americans.

In fact, my high school's mascot
was the fighting fat asses.

A lot of people ask
if we wear kilts.

No, that's the Scottish.

Traditionally,
the Irish wear short shorts.

Someone said Short Shorts.

Hi, Marcelo. Hey.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to be like you, man.
You like what you see,

Absolutely not.

By the way,
those are way too short.

Well, you know what they say.
Paul.

The shorter, the shorter,
the taller you look.

Don't think it's working, bud.

Well, I'll agree to disagree,
my brother.

Goodbye, Paul. Bye, America.

Bye, Marcelo.

You know, people often talk
about the luck of the Irish.

And tonight, I have to say,
I do feel very,

very lucky to be here.

I'm in New York City,
I'm hosting SNL, and this feels

totally, totally insane to me.

We have a great show tonight.
Shaboozey is.

Here, so stick around
and we'll be right back.