How to be an upstander instead of a bystander
-
0:02 - 0:05Let me tell you a story,
where you'll meet the characters -
0:05 - 0:08who I'll call Bilal and Brenda.
-
0:09 - 0:12I was working in a most
remarkable part of the world. -
0:12 - 0:15And one unremarkable morning,
-
0:15 - 0:17a colleague came to see me.
-
0:18 - 0:21She told me that Bilal,
one of our senior executives, -
0:21 - 0:25had been telling everyone
I was being removed -
0:25 - 0:27because I'd been messing
with the wrong people. -
0:27 - 0:30And now, I was going to
face the consequences. -
0:31 - 0:32I wasn't alarmed,
-
0:32 - 0:36because I knew I had done
what I'd been hired to do: -
0:36 - 0:38my job,
-
0:38 - 0:40dealing with thorny issues head on
-
0:40 - 0:43and leaving no stone unturned.
-
0:43 - 0:46In fact, in the months prior to this,
-
0:46 - 0:49we'd overturned more
than just a few stones. -
0:49 - 0:52Those details are for another time.
-
0:53 - 0:55I called my husband, James,
-
0:55 - 0:58to tell him about
this bizarre conversation, -
0:58 - 1:01and with what proved
to be great foresight, -
1:01 - 1:06he said, "Angélique, pack your things
and call Brenda, in that order." -
1:07 - 1:08I called Brenda.
-
1:08 - 1:10I'd worked with her for a number of years,
-
1:10 - 1:12and I trusted her.
-
1:12 - 1:15She was the person who'd
recommended me for that job. -
1:16 - 1:17I cut to the chase,
-
1:17 - 1:20because my husband's reaction
made me realize -
1:20 - 1:25this was more than just the usual stuff
I'd encountered before. -
1:25 - 1:29And I say usual,
but in that moment of clarity, -
1:29 - 1:34it dawned on me what James
had already recognized: -
1:34 - 1:36none of this was usual.
-
1:37 - 1:41These irregularities,
part of a pattern I'd failed to notice, -
1:41 - 1:45were what I now know as open secrets
-
1:45 - 1:49living beneath those proverbial stones
I'd had the audacity to overturn. -
1:51 - 1:54To my shock, I learned
that this was happening -
1:54 - 1:59because I hadn't tried hard enough
to operate in the "gray space." -
2:00 - 2:04I didn't seem to know when
to kick things into the long grass. -
2:05 - 2:09And I didn't understand
that this was how the system worked. -
2:10 - 2:13The message, the implied threat,
-
2:13 - 2:14was clear.
-
2:16 - 2:17Over the next few weeks,
-
2:17 - 2:22I was replaced by a convenient yes-man
while I was still there. -
2:23 - 2:25I suffered from terrible gastritis,
-
2:26 - 2:29and I pretended
to our two young daughters -
2:29 - 2:31that I still had that job.
-
2:31 - 2:35Leaving home every morning,
dressed up as if for work, -
2:35 - 2:39to drop them to school, for six months.
-
2:41 - 2:42I did not submit,
-
2:43 - 2:46but I won't pretend
that it was easy to speak up -
2:46 - 2:51or beneficial in any way to me,
to my family or to my career. -
2:52 - 2:57When we speak up in the workplace
despite policies to the contrary, -
2:57 - 2:59whilst we may not lose our jobs,
-
2:59 - 3:03we are likely to lose
the camaraderie of our coworkers. -
3:03 - 3:06Disbelieved, ostracized,
-
3:06 - 3:09faced with under-the-radar bullying.
-
3:09 - 3:13You know the kind when you walk
into a room and everyone stops talking? -
3:13 - 3:18We think: It's not my
responsibility to say anything. -
3:19 - 3:24So why did I choose to act
despite the risks to my family and to me? -
3:25 - 3:30The sin of omission is a failure
to do what you know is right. -
3:31 - 3:33When you stay quiet,
-
3:33 - 3:36even though you're not guilty
of wrongdoing yourself, -
3:36 - 3:40what will you have to live with
if you don't take action? -
3:41 - 3:45So who are you in this lineup of actors?
-
3:45 - 3:47The bad actor, the wrongdoer?
-
3:47 - 3:52The bad stander who benefits
directly or indirectly -
3:52 - 3:55and acts as a puppet for the bad actor?
-
3:55 - 3:58The bystander, aware of the open secrets
-
3:58 - 4:02but not actually doing anything
wrong or the upstander? -
4:02 - 4:06This is the person we want to see
when we look in the mirror. -
4:07 - 4:09I've learned three things:
-
4:09 - 4:12One, don't second guess yourself.
-
4:13 - 4:16When you see something
amiss, ask questions, -
4:16 - 4:20because it is okay
to challenge those in authority. -
4:21 - 4:24Two, don't be complicit.
-
4:24 - 4:29You always have the power to say no
in the face of wrongdoing. -
4:29 - 4:33And three, be an upstander.
-
4:33 - 4:38Speaking up is not about being brave.
-
4:38 - 4:40It's not about not feeling scared.
-
4:41 - 4:46But when you do what you know is right,
you can be at peace with yourself. -
4:46 - 4:51Yes, it is hard to say
what you feel in the moment. -
4:51 - 4:54Do it anyway. Be fearless.
-
4:55 - 4:57Martin Luther King said,
-
4:57 - 5:01"In the end, we will remember
not the words of our enemies, -
5:01 - 5:04but the silence of our friends."
-
5:04 - 5:07So when you look in the mirror,
-
5:07 - 5:09who will you see?
-
5:09 - 5:13A bystander, keeper of open secrets?
-
5:13 - 5:17Or will the person looking
back at you be an upstander? -
5:17 - 5:19I know who I see.
-
5:19 - 5:22I know who my daughters see.
-
5:22 - 5:25The choice is yours.
- Title:
- How to be an upstander instead of a bystander
- Speaker:
- Angélique Parisot-Potter
- Description:
-
If you see something wrong in the workplace, what should you do? Business leader Angélique Parisot-Potter says you should speak up, even when it's scary. Sharing her personal experience of voicing concerns at work, she offers three lessons on standing up for what's right.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 05:25
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