Xhorhas | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 51

Thanks to D&D Beyond for sponsoring this week's episode!

The Mighty Nein safely make it to Xhorhas, but find more danger than they could have imagined in this new country...

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MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's
special Valentine's Day episode of Critical Role,

where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit
around and play Dungeons & Dragons and invite you

to spend it with us. Thank you for joining us on
this Thursday. For those of you that are watching

it with your loved one, thank you for spending it
with our loved ones. Those of you who are spending

it with us as your date, well, we'll see how the
night continues.

(laughter)

LAURA: We're about to romance the shit
out of you.

MATT: Damn right.

TRAVIS: Hopefully we're on TVs at Chili's and
Applebee's all across the country.

MATT: I mean, that's the goal in general, I think.
Anyway, before we get started for tonight's

episode, we have some quick announcements to get
through. First and foremost, our fantastic

returning sponsor and friend of the show since the
beginning of this campaign, D&D Beyond. Sam.

SAM: Guys, it's Valentine's Day, and romance is in
the air. For me, there's no one I love more than

myself. But a close second is our good friends at
D&D Beyond. They're the real target of Cupid's

arrow. I've written them a Valentine's Day poem
that I hope will set the mood for all of you young

lovebirds out there. Guys, hit the music.

(seductive guitar music)

SAM: Mi amor, your fiery interface makes a
player weep. It's why I advertise my love for you

every week. You know me deep down, your perception
isn't passive. When you're near, my heart is

throbbing and massive. Your stats are maxed out.
Chica, you have it all. Everything on you is a

20, and it's always naturel. Tonight let's roll a
six and nine near the stars above. I know one

skill you're proficient at: making love.

TRAVIS: Fuego! En fuego!

SAM: Your Burning Hands, your Shocking Grasp,
foreplay. I must hold my action or I might Color Spray.

(laughter)

SAM: But do not worry! I'll Expeditiously Retreat
to the bathroom, pop a little blue Goodberry,

Regenerate for round two. No need to be stealthy;
you always get me screaming. Your Finger of Death

makes me cry out-- nope, can't say that while
we're streaming.

(laughter)

SAM: I will click open your app, pour a glass of
Zinfandel, because there's no save that can block

your spell. Tonight, you're Renée Zellweger and
I'm Colin Firth. You control my Tiny Servant. Did

we just Move Earth? Ours is a passion that can
never be unzipped. It's as eternal as your sweet,

sweet sponsorship! (music stops) You make my soul
feel lawful good, it's true, and tonight, I want

to roll my dice all over you. We ran out
of music.

(laughter)

(music restarts, cheering)

SAM: One more stanza! On your iPad, please keep my
heart's stats and treasure. D&D Beyond, I promise

I'll subscribe to you forever.

TRAVIS: So pregnant right now.

LAURA: Wow.

SAM: Also, they wanted me to say that they have a
new Discord server, where the community can gather

to talk about all things Dungeons & Dragons. Check
it out at dndbeyond.com/discord.

MATT: Discord. Thank you very much, Samuel. Wow,
there are a number of spells I will never be able

to think of the right way again.

LIAM: I cast Col... (stammering)

MARISHA: (stammering) ...or Spray.

MATT: Thank you, Sam, and thank you, D&D Beyond.
As a heads up, our next episode of Between the Sheets,

featuring our friend, artist, producer, and
guest on the last campaign of Critical Role,

Noelle Stevenson. She's incredible as a person and
as a talent, and we're super excited to have her.

Her episode is next Monday at 7:00pm Pacific here
at twitch.tv/criticalrole, so look for that on Monday.

MARISHA: Her interview is so good! So good.

LAURA: She's so wonderful.

MATT: Harp music. Other harp music. Competing harp
music. Also, as a reminder, we will be heading out

to Seattle next month for Emerald City Comic Con.
Super stoked for that. Tickets for autographs and

photo ops are still available. You can go to our
website at critrole.com/events for all the details

on how to get that rolling.

MARISHA: Also Sam's going to be on Pub Draw
next week.

SAM: Apparently there's a show on our channel
called Pub Draw.

TRAVIS: You are going to draw?

SAM: I'm going to be taught how to draw, and
simultaneously, I'll watch the show for the first time.

LAURA: I feel sorry for Babs, having to work
with that.

TRAVIS: Yeah, did we test her with someone like
Sam already? We don't want to warm her up with

someone a little better?

MARISHA: Well, she managed Laura and avoiding
drawing penises, so--

LAURA: I only drew two penises.

MARISHA: It was pretty good!

TRAVIS: Okay. I remember Sam's campaign one
contributions, and boy, they were something.

MATT: Perfect. We're looking forward to that.
Laura, do you have some merch updates you

want to talk about?

LAURA: Oh, well, our amazing art prints and stuff
that are in the store right now for pre-order?

They're still there for pre-order. They're going
to be there until next week at 11:59pm on February

21st, Pacific time.

SAM: So ominous!

LAURA: You've got a whole other week to put that
order in. You can get to them on our shop.

SAM: These are unsigned posters! These are signed
posters!

LAURA: Yes, yes. We have both versions available.
They're beautiful.

SAM: They really are amazing.

LAURA: shop.critrole.com or shop.critrole.co.uk,
if you are across the pond. There's also T-shirts

and stuff. They were restocked, so some other
stuff might be in the store right now. Yay!

MATT: Brilliant. Thank you, Laura.

LAURA: God, I am so bad at announcements.

MATT: I disagree! It is adorable.

LAURA: Thanks, guys.

MATT: No worries. Before we jump in, I've gotten a
little crafty in my free time recently. I've shown

a few of you, but-- because keeping track of
potions is always a pain in the ass. I told you

about this. I've seen some people have tweeted out
different variations they've done for physical

healing potions. I went and got some red resin,
and I made some healing potions with red d4s in

there. When we're doing the intro, I'll pass these
out to you guys. Here, I've got some greater

healing potions and the regular healing potions.

TRAVIS: Nobody has any greater, right?

LAURA: Not yet?

TALIESIN: I have a potion of healing.

MATT: We'll figure it out, and I'll distribute
these. That's all we have to say for the moment.

That being the case, let's jump in to tonight's
episode of Critical Role!

LIAM: (shouting) How do you play D&D?

[water bubbling]

[thunder]

[explosion]

(chanting) Role! Critical! Role!

[dramatic Critical Role theme]

LAURA: Roll the dice! (singing) The adventure
begins, they were always beside you, your nerdy

best friends, and the DM to guide you. And they
rise from the flames for the battles ahead.

Villains beware 'cause you're about to be dead.

ASHLEY: (singing) They got magic and flair, they
got falchions and cunning. They don't see over

there there's a monster incoming. Inspiration is
waiting, rise up, don't think twice. Put your fate

in your hands, take a chance, roll the dice!

(chanting) Role! Critical! Role!

ASHLEY and LAURA: (singing) Can you answer the
call? Diggin' deep in your soul as the legend

unfolds. Now it's your turn to roll!

[fire burning]

MATT: Welcome back. Last we left off, the Mighty
Nein had discovered that an important individual

in the past history of Nott the Brave, the husband
from a previous life, it seems, had gotten wrapped

up in some of the chaos and the conflict between
the Empire and the Kryn Dynasty. There was an

attack on Felderwin in the Tillage, and it seems
that this individual was taken eastward, towards

Xhorhas. You managed to find the collapsed tunnel
that they had used to surprise Felderwin, tunneled

your way through that barrier, and then continued
to follow this pathway back eastward to pursue

where they may have taken him. While you've gone
through, skirting the top of the Underdark of

Wildemount, you managed to come in contact and
save yourself from a battle with a couple of

ropers amongst the caverns below. You found
yourself suddenly in the center of a network of

kobold tunnels, and in doing so, talked your way
out of a possible conflict. Made a new friend and

ally named Spurt, who was a nice and excitable
inventor who wanted to show you the way through

the tunnels, here towards the end of his life,
it seemed.

LIAM: 11 days!

MATT: Found that the tunnels seem to intersect
with an underground fire giant citadel beneath the

Ashkeeper Peaks. Of which, Spurt ran out, attacked
one with bees, telling it, "You die!" and then got

smashed immediately by a hammer. No longer having
to worry about Spurt's well-being, you then

focused on yours. Seeing that this open courtyard
on the outskirts of the citadel, an open chamber

with a river of magma running through it and a
bridge where two giant fire giants were watching,

you all hatched a plan to get past without being
noticed, which almost worked out perfectly, except

for one fateful, terrible stealth roll. In the
chaos, the bridge was destroyed. Nott was knocked

out of invisibility, had fallen into the lava,
caught fire, and was dying, Beauregard reaching

into the flames and pulling Nott's body from the
fire. You managed to rush out of the chamber, you

closing the door behind and sealing it with stone.
In this one moment, as you begin to rush down this

small hallway, hearing the slamming of the hammer
behind you trying to break its way into the tunnel

where you've all escaped, you continue charging
into the darkness ahead.

LIAM: Happy Valentine's Day, I guess?

MATT: Happy Valentine's Day, guys! So Mighty Nein.
As you, Beauregard, are clutching the

now-conscious, though very burned, Nott in your
arms, you guys are starting to hear the aggressive

slams of the fire giants dissipate behind you.
Eventually you hear the stone break, but based on

the size of the chamber, there's little chance
they'd be able to come after you at the speed that

you're traveling. About an hour of travel, you
take a moment to catch your breath.

What would you like to do?

LIAM: Let's tend to you.

SAM: (groaning)

LIAM: I start to pat your burns.

SAM: Pat my burns?

LIAM: What do we do? You two!
This doesn't do anything!

SAM: No, no, he's right. Whenever there's a severe
burn, you pat the wound. You smack it. You take

your bare hand and place it on the wound.

LIAM: I pour this--

TALIESIN: I would save that potion.

SAM: Your filthy hand, place it on my
exposed skin.

LAURA: Why are you going to use that right away?
I know it's really cool looking, but

seriously, I have spells.

SAM: What, you mean this thing?

LAURA: Yeah, don't use that yet. Here,
I'm going to cast--

LIAM: Well, nobody's doing anything, so--

LAURA: I'm casting Cure Wounds!

SAM: (sigh of relief)

LAURA: I'll see if I have it at second level. I
do. I'm going to cast it at second level.

TALIESIN: You're doing okay, though, right?

SAM: I'm alive.

TALIESIN: What are you at?

LIAM: Point of order, DM. In the last game,
because I forget things, I thought I had three

level four spells, but I only had two. I cast
three times. What I'd like to do is burn my

3rd-level slots entirely for whatever happens.

MATT: Sure, there you go.

TALIESIN: What time is it right now?
When is it time to sleep?

SAM: (whispering) Self-flagellation.

TRAVIS: Whenever we want to. We're underground.

LAURA: 13 points of healing.

TALIESIN: What I'm saying is, are we starting
to get tired or not?

TRAVIS: I think we would all appreciate a rest of
any variety after those--

LAURA: Oh, I shouldn't have used my healing, then,
if we're going to rest. That's stupid. I'm so dumb.

SAM: Well, it helped me, so thank you.

TRAVIS: We haven't put up a dome or nothing.

LIAM: I would have kept going.

LAURA: We should keep going.

TALIESIN: For a little while. Let's pull one more
healing, why don't we. Anybody else hurting?

LAURA: How are you, Fjord? You got hit, too,
didn't you?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I think I got bit by a cow,
actually.

LAURA: Oh, that's right.

TRAVIS: Yep. I could use a little loving.

SAM: Was it a bad bite?

TRAVIS: The fucking teeth, man, yeah! They're
cows; they're shitty! All they do is chew all day.

SAM: Don't they have flat teeth for grinding?

TRAVIS: Yeah, but the pressure, right? That is a
big skull. If you think about it, per square inch,

it's a motherfucker.

TALIESIN: If we've got a second, I can cast Prayer
of Healing and do a little bit of--

LAURA: Oh, I don't know if I have that one
prepared.

TRAVIS: No, it's cool, yeah. Just heal Nott. It's
fine.

TALIESIN: If we have ten minutes, if we're going
to take a quick breather, I'll cast Prayer of Healing.

MATT: Okay, so roll for Prayer of Healing.

TRAVIS: Just cow bit. No big deal.

LAURA: It's just a little cow bite. I mean, we've
all been bitten by cows before, haven't we?

TALIESIN: That's 16 hit points to whoever
wants it.

MARISHA: 60?

TALIESIN: 16 to anybody. 16.

TRAVIS: I'll take it!

LAURA: Almost there, almost.

TRAVIS: Thank you, Ducey.

LAURA: Good job, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Eh, no problem.

TRAVIS: So we're pushing on? We're not going back
to explore the black citadel of mystery and darkness?

LAURA: I don't know how we would get over there
with all the giants and stuff.

TALIESIN: It seemed pretty far, but it was
interesting.

MARISHA: Hey, Caleb, do you have any extra arm
wraps? Seems mine evaporated in the lava.

LIAM: Not the bracers though, are good, yeah?

MARISHA: No, bracers are good. They're a little
janky on my wrists now, though. Wraps were

padding them out.

LIAM: I have enough for three sets of arms.

MARISHA: Are they clean?

LIAM: Ja!

MARISHA: Yeah, okay.

LAURA: (whispering) You should smell them first.

LIAM: How long have we known each other for?

MARISHA: They smell all right?

LAURA: A while.

LIAM: Do I still smell?

LAURA: No, no, no, but you know, things that are
on your hands for a while, if they're real tight

and stuff, they can smell.

TRAVIS: Yeah, they smell like vinegar
after a bit.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

LIAM: Those were in my bag.

TRAVIS: Balsamic.

LAURA: Oh, well that's good, then.

MATT: Balls-samic?

LAURA: I go and smell Caleb's hands.

MATT: Make a constitution saving throw. No.

LAURA: I got 19 with the last one I rolled, so
that's great.

MATT: You're fine, you're fine.

LIAM: These are on fire on a regular basis.

TRAVIS: Yeah, right, they should be fucking
bacteria-free.

MATT: A hint of mesquite.

LAURA: Kind of like a campfire. I like it.

LIAM: Oh, you.

TRAVIS: Does the tunnel we're in now, now that
we're on the other side of this shitshow, appear

the same as it did the previous portion?

MATT: It does. At this moment, it's still really
warm. From the running, the activity, and the

general heat of the surrounding rock, now knowing
the volcanic activity that runs parallel, or at

least in the vicinity of these chambers, you're
all sweating pretty profusely and it's

uncomfortable. The tunnel itself still continues
onward, the same ten-foot diameter, cylindrical

tube. There are still occasional bits of broken
obsidian and other types of porous volcanic rock

that are broken and more torn through as part of
the burrowing of this worm entity. You can see,

still, some of the tracks of the various Kryn
soldiers following behind it, so you're on the

right track still.

TRAVIS: Good to push on until our wizard tells us
what time it is to sleep?

SAM: Sure.

LAURA: What time is it? Did you already check--
think? What time is it?

LIAM: I don't remember. Reality was two weeks
ago.

MATT: I would say at this moment, mid-afternoon.

LIAM: Hey, she asked, man.

MATT: I know. Oh, I know. It's been two weeks for
me, too.

SAM: Would you say it's 4:20-ish?

MATT: Sure.

SAM: Great.

LAURA and SAM: Nice.

MARISHA: Do the tracks on the ground, do they look
fresh, do they look like they've been there for a

while, is it hard to say?

MATT: Make an investigation check.

MARISHA: Natural 19, for a 24.

MATT: Nice.

LAURA: That was the nerdiest I've ever heard you
sound while saying a number.

MARISHA: (nasally) Um, a natural 19.

MATT: They seem to be a little over a week or so.
There isn't a lot of weather that transpires,

there isn't a lot of wind or things that can brush
aside or eventually cast away these tracks, so

it's hard to really tell the specifics, but based
on the travel, the speed they seem to be going,

and how long ago this transpired, you gather
they're probably a little over a week old.

TRAVIS: Nice. No flash floods down here.
We push on!

SAM: Ah!

TRAVIS: Did I startle you?

SAM: Yes.

MATT: All right. Continuing on for the next few
hours, who's holding front watch? Are we keeping

with the same order as last time?

LAURA: I'll watch!

SAM: I will, too!

LAURA: Yeah, me and you, Nott. Our keen eyes will
see everything.

TALIESIN: I'll keep towards the back, keep an eye
on what's behind us.

MATT: Okay. I'd like you both to make perception
checks, please.

SAM: 16.

LAURA: 21!

MATT: Very nice. Traversing for the next few
hours, the tunnel begins to slowly come to an

incline. For as much as it's been steadily
delving, it's slowly beginning to curve in an

upward fashion.The temperature begins to subside a
bit. The warmth begins to become a little more

comfortable by comparison. A few more hours of
travel and eventually you find yourselves getting

a bit tired, the exhaustion of the day's
activities and the perpetual travel through this

tunnel slowly beginning to catch up to you. You
can continue to press on if you like, or you could

attempt to bed down for the night.

MARISHA: I think we should bed down.

LIAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: And another healing spell before we go
to sleep, just to top everybody as close off as possible.

LAURA: I can send another message to Yeza if you
want me to.

SAM: Didn't you do that once today already?

LAURA: I can do it again.

SAM: Okay. But last time, didn't he say that he
was in a place where he couldn't talk?

LAURA: Yeah, well, maybe he's moved. You know,
we've been traveling for eight or ten hours or

something, Caleb would know, but something long.

LIAM: Also, you could ask yes or no questions and
have him cough or sneeze.

SAM: Cough once for yes.

LAURA: Yeah, but that's a real-- okay. What should
I ask? I'll say cough once for yes, cough twice

for no, that's already so many words, though!

TRAVIS: Are you moving, I guess, would be--
are you still in the same place?

SAM: Any landmarks, maybe?

TRAVIS: No, that's not a coughing question.

SAM: Yes, there are landmarks. Shit! Describe them
in coughs!

TRAVIS: Are they moving you? Cough once for yes,
twice for no.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. I'm going to try that.
This is weird.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Sending.

SAM: Or just speak, if you can speak.

LAURA: Yeah, well, I figure he'll do that
if he can.

TALIESIN: 25 hit points to anybody who wants it.

TRAVIS: All the way up, that's beautiful, okay.

LAURA: Okay, I'm going to cast Sending.

MATT: All right, you're sending it to--

LAURA: Yeza.

MATT: Yeza. Okay.

LAURA: (clears throat) Hi! Cough once for yes,
twice for no. Are they moving you?

...Are you safe?

SAM: Two questions? Oh, no! No! No!

MARISHA: If he coughs twice is that two yeses?
What if he coughs three times? Is the first one a

yes or the last one a yes?

TRAVIS: (laughing) I love the panic so you fixed it
with a second question! You should've just sent it!

TALIESIN: You have to use the whole message.

LAURA: Yeah, you have to use all the words!

TALIESIN: Otherwise it's a waste.

MATT: There's a long pause. You can almost hear
Yeza going, "Uh?"

TRAVIS: Oh god.

MATT: (coughs twice)

SAM: Was it one yes or two yes?

TRAVIS: Jesus, it's only your husband!

LAURA: Wait!

MATT: (coughs once)

SAM: One, two, three. Is two, is two yes?

LAURA: They're not moving him, and what was the
second question?

SAM: Are you safe?

LAURA: And he said yes! They're not moving him and
he's safe!

SAM: That's good. This is the best it could've
possibly gone.

LAURA: Totally!

TALIESIN: Was that once for yes? Twice for no?

LAURA: Yeah, once for yes, twice for no. Two times,
he said he's not moving. One time, he said he's safe.

TALIESIN: Was it are they moving you
or did you move?

LAURA: I said, "Are they moving you?"

TALIESIN: Okay, I don't remember.

LAURA: Okay, I can do it one more time. I can send
him another message. What should I ask him?

SAM: I don't know, because he doesn't know
where he is.

LAURA: Right.

MARISHA: Maybe if he's surrounded by a bunch of
people. Like, are we walking into an ambush?

LIAM: Are they always watching you?

LAURA: Always watching you, that's really good!
Okay, okay, okay.

TALIESIN: Or cough for how many people are
watching you, maybe?

LAURA: That's really smart. Okay, I'm going to
send it again.

TRAVIS: Amazing, okay.

TALIESIN: Aww, wow.

LAURA: So good.

TRAVIS: Jester, remember, you can cut it short,
you don't have to fill all 25 words.

LAURA: I think you have to say it all or else the
spell doesn't work.

SAM: She is a magic user.

LAURA: I know these things.

TRAVIS: She's not the only one, but it's okay.

LAURA: Do you cast Sending? Did you want to send a
message to Yeza?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll do it.

LAURA: (gasps) Can you do it?

TRAVIS: Yeah, you want me to do it?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: All right. Yeza, cough for the number
of people that are around you.

You can reply to this message. Nobody's there.

LAURA: You're a dick.

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: I don't believe him.

TRAVIS: Really?

LAURA: I'm going to cast Sending.

SAM: Ask if Fjord was bullshitting or not.

LAURA: Okay. Okay, I'm going to say--

LIAM: Don't burn your words for that!

LAURA: Don't say that? Okay. Hi again! Hey, can
you cough for how many people are watching you?

That's all.

SAM: This is Jester, signing off!

MARISHA: You know, Fjord's got a good point,
anyone who has Sending--

MATT: (coughs three times)

LAURA: Three people, three people are watching
him! We can kill three people, that's fine.

SAM: Sure, sure. Yes.

LAURA: What?

LIAM: Depends on who the three people are,
but yeah.

LAURA: Oh, that's true.

TRAVIS: Yeah, if it's three more fire giants,
fuck, we in trouble.

MARISHA: Or three wizards.

SAM: Let's think optimistically, since it's the
love of my life, and think that it's someone that

we can defeat.

LAURA: It's probably three lazy guards watching
prisoners that they think are not going

to be able to escape.

TRAVIS: Underfed, underpaid, lazy, irresponsible,
right? I mean, they get the shit duty.

Don't trust them with protecting anyone.

SAM: Well, my husband's actually pretty important,
so I wouldn't--

TRAVIS: Didn't you say he's not a fighter, though?
So probably not a very violent--

SAM: I think they'd put someone on him who's
pretty capable. I mean, he's a very smart man and,

even though he's not a fighter-- let's say they're
mid-level, all right? Mid to high. Takeable!

But not so low that it's an insult.

LIAM: If you're going to talk for a while, I'm
going to put up the dome.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: Are we bribing these people? They're on
the take? Takeable?

LAURA: Yeah. Or killing them. We're probably
going to kill them.

TRAVIS: All options are on the table.

LAURA: Kill them!

MATT: So you guys are setting up a campsite here,
utilizing your dome as well?

LIAM: What does the surrounding passage look like
where we are? Is it rough-hewn?

MATT: It's the same burrowed pathway you've been
following most of this journey. At this point,

you've been following almost exclusively the
burrowed trail of this worm creature as it's tore

through this obsidian, subterranean portion of the
Ashkeeper Peaks. Where you are right now, the

amounts of volcanic rock seem to have dwindled as
the tunnel begins to curve itself in an upward incline.

LIAM: Do we want to do the same little trick,
you and I?

TALIESIN: Yeah, we can. Let me take a look at
that, I have that somewhere. Yeah, I can do that.

LIAM: You dig a little bit to the side and I will
throw up the dome.

TALIESIN: I make a little bit of room,
use it to cover us.

MATT: Okay. You guys all curl up for the evening's
rest exhausted, sweaty, and looking forward to a

number of hours where you don't have your mind
bent on whatever dark space you've thrust yourself

into this past week. Yes?

LIAM: I also spend an hour bringing my cat back.

MATT: Okay. You bring Frumpkin back. Does anyone
want to keep watch, or are you all feeling

pretty comfy to sleep within the dome?

TRAVIS: I will take first watch.

MATT: All righty. While the rest of you are resting,
Fjord, make a perception check for me, please.

TRAVIS: 12.

MATT: Okay. As the evening progresses, whether it
be the proximity to the subterranean region of

this mountain or the fact that you are rising up
from the portions of the tunnel that seem to skirt

the Underdark, nothing seems to find its way to
you that's a bother. Uneventful evening for the

watch that you take. Anybody take a second watch?

LAURA: I'll take second watch.

LIAM: I will stay up as well.

MATT: The two of you, make perception checks
while Fjord finishes out the evening's rest.

LAURA: 22.

LIAM: Ten.

MATT: Very nice. As the evening progresses, you're
confident in the lull of activity this tunnel

seems to bring. You do catch some sort of a shift
of movement, or a shift in texture along the roof

of this tunnel, and as you look up, you see
there's some sort of a creature, larger than most

of you, that takes up the upper half of this
tunnel. A heavy, dark shell, almost turtle-like.

You see these extended arms that end in these
hooks. As it crawls its way across the ceiling,

its shell almost scrapes the top of the dome.

LAURA: Oh my gosh! I'm drawing in the sketchbook.

MATT: It doesn't seem to pay any mind to the dome.
Continues scrambling past and further down the tunnel.

LIAM: You saw something that looked like that?

LAURA: Yeah, it crossed right overhead of us.

LIAM: I don't like that.

LAURA: Have you ever seen anything
like that before?

LIAM: No.

LAURA: I draw googly eyes on it.

LIAM: That makes it a little more palatable.

LAURA: Yeah, it's not as scary anymore, huh?

MARISHA: It's kind of cute now.

LAURA: Are you awake?

MARISHA: Oh, wait, no. I thought this was morning.

TRAVIS: Level of exhaustion!

MATT: Beau's talking in her sleep.

LAURA: I use Thaumaturgy to make it sound like the
nice sound of rainfall, so that Beau will be able

to go back to sleep.

TRAVIS: Oh, lovely!

MATT: Now that's a good use of a cantrip. Other
than that, the evening's uneventful, but you did

watch this hook-armed-like, beaked creature crawl
its way past you and make its way deeper in

towards the mountain base.

LAURA: (whispering) Caleb! I don't really think
that you're stinky. Just so you know. I mean, I

did, but I don't anymore. You don't smell bad. You
should know.

LIAM: You can keep the running gag going,
if you like.

LAURA: Only if it doesn't make you uncomfortable.

LIAM: No. It made me uncomfortable at first, but
now I know you pretty well, so it's fine.

LAURA: Okay, good.

LIAM: Plus it was hot back there, so now
these do-- I was sweating.

LAURA: Yeah, I can smell your armpits.

LIAM: There's nothing to hide now, so I will put
those away.

MATT: The rest of your watch goes without issue.
The rest of you come to consciousness, long rest

completed. You can mark that for your characters,
healed and recovered. Continuing your journey--

LIAM: I'm sorry. Because I didn't think we'd go
right to sleep, so instead of taking out

3rd-levels, I'm going to cross off one 4th-level
for the next chunk of time.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Why are you doing this?

LIAM: I used too many powerful spells last game.

LAURA: Liam likes to punish himself.

MATT: We all know this about him.

TRAVIS: How did you know you did that?

LIAM: There's this thing called the internet.

TRAVIS: Oh, got it.

SAM: They point out things that you do wrong,
sometimes.

MATT: Every now and then.

TRAVIS: Ignore that thing. It's way more fun.

LAURA: Does anybody want one of these chocolates?
They're very good.

MARISHA: Yes, I do. Happy Valentine's Day!

MATT: Good catch.

TALIESIN: I bet that looked really good on the
split screen.

SAM: You caught that manly.

TRAVIS: She threw it right to my hand.

SAM: I know, but it looked so studly the way you
caught it.

MATT: You okay, Sam? Need a moment?

SAM: I have a little bit of a boner.

MATT and LAURA: Happy Valentine's Day.

MATT: Coming to consciousness, gathering
yourselves, the journey continues.

LIAM: (whispering) Where's the candy?

MATT: I don't know where the candy is.

MARISHA: There's one hidden behind--

MATT: We've lost a Laura.

SAM: Keep going, Matt! Keep going!

MARISHA: Ooh, there's a whole pack!

MATT: That's dangerous.

LAURA: You want some?

MATT: No, I'm good.

LIAM: Dungeons & Dragons, folks. Snacks!

MATT: Pushing onward--

LIAM: Just as slick as your husband.

MATT: A few more hours pass as the tunnel begins
to curve to more and more of a steep incline,

until you begin to notice the stonework becomes
looser. The solid earth that most of this tunnel

previously was begins to be broken up with looser
rock and elements of the tunnel that were not as

stable as they previously were. Eventually you get
to a point where you're no longer hiking and

walking. You're having to hand-over-foot climb up.
It's almost becoming a vertical tunnel.

LIAM: Ooh, that's not good.

MARISHA: It sucks.

MATT: To continue, I would like the entire party,
Yasha included, to make an athletics check, please.

LAURA: Can Nugget blink and go blink, blink,
blink, as he climbs? He's probably pretty agile.

MATT: He's agile, but at a certain point, he's
going to have to hold onto somebody because it's

going to become vertical. Dogs don't really have a
good climbing grip.

LAURA: I wonder, if Yasha can climb super well,
if--

TALIESIN: Let's also maybe tie rope, if we're
going to be doing--

LAURA: From one to the other?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LAURA: So if one person falls, everybody falls! I
like it!

TALIESIN: Thank you. Wait--

LAURA: We're a team!

TALIESIN: Is that what happens?

SAM: I don't like that idea.

TRAVIS: You need to have an anchor point
for that to work.

SAM: Yasha!

TRAVIS: You don't want her to be the anchor
point.

LAURA: I'm going to hook Nugget-- I'm going to
take my cloak off. I'm going to tuck Sprinkle into

my shirt, and then I'm going to bring my cloak
around Nugget and hook it around my shoulders

so that he's like a messenger bag on me.

MATT: Okay. A blink dog messenger bag.

LAURA: Yeah. Then I'm going to climb up.

LIAM: That dog is confused.

LAURA: He likes it!

MATT: He seems confused, and he likes it. Going
across, we have--

TRAVIS: Yasha got a 14. Fjord got an eight.

MARISHA: Ten.

LIAM: Sechs. For Valentine's.

SAM: 16.

LAURA: Oh no. An eight.

TALIESIN: An 18.

MATT: Okay. It doesn't go completely vertical, but
it goes at a very steep incline. This is end of

The Descent-type incline. Rocks are pulling out
with your grasp. You have to catch yourself, and

they tumble down. You hear them clatter down
behind you, into the dark. You begin to look up.

You can see light, a little point of light in the
direction you're beginning to climb, suddenly

begin to come into view from underneath the
curving roof.

TRAVIS: Please don't be a privy. It's a pooper.

MARISHA: Little peephole.

MATT: You're not quite sure the distance of it. You're
not sure the size of it. You see a point of light.

LAURA: Are we going to come out and we're going to
be amongst all of the bad guys?

SAM: Maybe, or maybe it's a forest. You don't
know.

LAURA: Oh my gosh! (grunting)

MATT: Are you leading the charge?

LAURA: No, I'm making efforts because it's hard.

TALIESIN: I'll take the front with somebody.

TRAVIS: Yeah, Yasha and Caduceus will do it.

MATT: Cool. Who's after them?

LIAM: I will go right behind them.

MATT: Okay, so everyone behind Caleb... (laughs)
Caleb, making your way up, the wraps--

have you rewrapped yourself?

LIAM: No. Nothing to hide anymore.

MATT: Which is unfortunate, because the texture
does add to a bit of the grip that you're used to

having in some circumstances. Combined with the
general sweat and the exertion, being not the most

athletic member of the group, you reach forward
and grab a stone that dislodges. You drop it and

reach out for another one. That one dislodges too.
You reach out and grab the side, and your fingers

hit loose gravel, and you scrape back. The rest of
you behind look up and watch Caleb go, "Whoa!"

and begin to fall in your direction.

LAURA: Can I try to catch him?

MATT: Unfortunately, you're a little bit too far
away. You and Caduceus are up ahead of him--

LAURA: Oh, no, I was not ahead. I was behind
Caleb. It was Yasha and Caduceus.

MATT: Oh, that's right, Yasha. Sorry. Then you
know what? Yes, I'll let you try that.

Make a strength check to try to grab and hold on.

LIAM: Can I ask-- Oh, to catch me from not even
falling at all?

LAURA: To catch you from falling falling.

SAM and LAURA: It's a cocked 20.

LIAM: It's cocked!

MATT: Roll again.

LAURA: 12.

MATT: You manage to catch Caleb by the scruff of
the coat and pull back. Your hand begins to come

loose, and you reach out and grab onto another
piece of stone. You feel your fingernails grind

and snap, but you barely manage to hold on.
Somebody's going to have to support, or they're

both going to go down here. Below them,
who's going to help?

TRAVIS: I'll reach out and try to help.

MARISHA: I'll make an arm brace with Fjord
on the other side.

TRAVIS: Yeah, clothesline.

LIAM: This is stupid!

MATT: You take a moment to right yourselves and
get back into a steady position, eventually

getting Caleb back on the trail.

LAURA: I put him right next to me.

MATT: You continue, but the DC is jumping with
each pass now, especially as the exhaustion kicks

in. Continuing the path, I'd like everyone to make
another athletics check, please.

LIAM: (singing) Kryptonite! Nope.

TRAVIS: Yasha rolled a 20. Fjord rolled a 17.

MARISHA: 19.

LIAM: Ten.

SAM: 13.

LAURA: Eight.

TALIESIN: 13.

SAM: Everyone?

MATT: No, no. The DC went up to a 12.

LAURA: Oh, so just me and you.

MATT: Two failures. That's still most successes.
You continue up, and the light gets brighter and

closer. It's hard to make out a color because it
looks like white, but it's not super bright. It

would be a dull daylight. You get the sense that
this may indeed be an approaching exit. I would

like one third and final group athletics check.

TRAVIS: I have a question. On the wall, if we were
to look down, about how far down would we fall, if

we were to fall at this point?
If we had to guess?

MATT: How far does your darkvision go?

TRAVIS: 60 feet.

MATT: It goes past your 60 feet. Tumbling down,
it's not a complete fall. It would be a

Homer Simpson down the side of the cliff.

LAURA: "As you wish."

MATT: Yeah, basically.

TRAVIS: With stone and obsidian.

MATT: It would be a few hundred feet.

LAURA and MARISHA: Ooh!

TRAVIS: Good good. Good! Let's roll this shit.

MATT: Let's roll your final group athletics
check.

LIAM: (laughing) Dancing on 19, and it went to
three.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: All right, so?

TRAVIS: Yasha rolled a 25. Fjord rolled a five.

MARISHA: 22.

LIAM: Vier.

SAM and LAURA: 20.

TALIESIN: Ten.

MATT: You guys just pulled off more successes
than failures on that. Okay! There are some shaky

moments where a few of the party begin to bow back
from the wall, and you hear the beginnings of the

(fearful noises) from different people. The rest
of you who are sure in this climb reach out to

support and push them. It's a slow climb. It takes
a while. Once again, the temperature is colder

now, more so than the general underground feel.
There is a bit of air starting to catch to you as

the opening begins to approach you: 100 feet, 50
feet, 30 feet. It's causing the sweat on your brow

to feel really cold and freezing against your
skin, until eventually, as-- you're near the

front, as is Yasha. What would you guys like to do
as you approach the exit?

LAURA: I cast Pass Without a Trace as we get
close.

TALIESIN: (gravelly voice) I'm very carefully
going to scan the surroundings, listen for any

noise. I'm going to slowly make my way up.

LAURA: (clears throat loudly)

(laughter)

TRAVIS: I will also look for any marks of climbing
devices, ropes, anything man-made or not man-made,

but not natural near the top of this opening.
Yasha will.

MATT: You do see two semi-rusted-- not terribly
rusted, but the very beginning stages of rust--

iron pitons that are driven into the top of this.
You can see a portion of rope that was tied to it,

that has since been severed, and there's some
dangling threads at the edge of that.

TRAVIS: (high voice) We can use that-- (normal
voice) I'm not going to do Yasha's voice.

I don't know. I started with me, then her--

LIAM: If Caduceus is listening intently, he is
barely hearing Caleb mouth the words to the

Feather Fall spell like an actor running lines,
which he's been doing for the last 30 minutes.

MATT: Are you just listening?

TALIESIN: I'm slowly creeping up and listening,
and taking in everything, seeing what--

MATT: As your eyes adjust, and you listen out, you
can hear wind hitting bits of sand and dust

occasionally. The temperature is chilled. It is a
cloudy sky, a familiar sky. It is the same sky

that is in proximity to the Empire: gray, might
rain in the next day or two. As you glance over

the edge, you can see you're on this subtle grade.
To your left as you look up, you can see the

ominous, rising peaks of the the Ashkeeper Peaks
themselves. You can see that you are at the base

of where the mountains begin to slowly grade into
the wastes, which you see to your right. There are

dead trees. Whether it be they themselves are
bereft of life, or they've lost their leaves to

the season, you're not familiar with this
territory to know-- yet. You can see clusters of

rock and stone and areas where whatever force
created these mountains has caused bits of it to

jut outward, causing small cliff faces and stone
protrusions that mar the base of the mountainscape

here before you. You can see where strange types
of roots and small bushes have tried to affix

themselves to the edges of these stones, and then
have dried up as the wastes themselves go through

the dark and ashen seasons. Looking beyond that,
you can see the open valley below and before you:

a dry, cracked, badlands with hints of scrub brush
and other types of hardy vegetation that has

managed to find a life here. What did you roll for
perception, again?

TALIESIN: I didn't roll perception.

MATT: That's right, that's just you taking in the
scenery. Now roll a perception check.

LIAM: Is Cad up there solo at this point?

MATT: You send Frumpkin up to look?

TALIESIN: 18.

MATT: You do see, in the distance in the valley, a
few shapes far away, far past the mountain range,

very large creatures of some kind stalking slowly
across. Far away, miles away.

LAURA: Does Yasha recognize them?

MATT: Yasha doesn't see this yet. Yasha is just
peeking up. Roll a perception check for Yasha.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I was going to say, any signs of
beast nor man? Life or technology?

TRAVIS: A natural 20.

MATT: Really?

MARISHA: Sexy CR dice.

MATT: Yasha does look up and see that as well.
"It's probably best to avoid those. They can bear

"quite a bit of meat, but they're
a bit of a tussle."

TALIESIN: Well, if you think so. Are we safe? Can
we bring everybody up?

MATT: "I mean, it's either that or stay inside."

TALIESIN: I've missed the sky. I think we can come
up, everybody. Just be careful.

TRAVIS: Is there any cover nearby once we poke our
head up out there that you can see?

TALIESIN: This doesn't seem to be much of a
coverage territory.

TRAVIS: Okay. Anything in the skies?

MATT: You look up. You can see a few hawks, maybe
birds of prey, but nothing at the moment that

catches your attention.

LIAM: And this never stopped being the worm's
path, ja?

MATT: No.

LIAM: Are there any signs of where the worm went
across this open land?

MATT: Did you climb out?

LIAM: I thought we all-- yes.

MATT: All right. You all climb out.

LAURA: Stealthily, sure.

MATT: Make a survival check to see if you can
locate the tracks here.

LIAM: Been rolling real well tonight. Eight.

MATT: Unfortunately, as opposed to soft dirt, most
of the mountainscape here is hard rock and dust.

There doesn't look like there's any sign of tracks
or pressure or shifting that would give you an

idea of where it went. However, it does look like
it gradually rounds out as it exits, and this

seems to be pretty easy to gather that this is the
exit point. Whatever troop it is that had made

this incursion of Felderwin, this was their exit
point. You look around you. This is Xhorhas.

Welcome to the eastern side in Eastern Wynandir.

SAM: Welcome to Xhorhasic Park.

MATT: Fuck!

TRAVIS, MARISHA, and TALIESIN: (humming off-key
Jurassic Park theme)

TRAVIS: What was that discordant mess? Jeez. We
all jumped into different parts of the score!

TRAVIS and MARISHA: (purposefully humming off-key
Jurassic Park theme)

MARISHA: (sighs) Glad we had that moment.

LIAM: Talking to Yasha: Is this what you are
accustomed to from home?

MATT: "I mean, yes. I'm not from this area,
specifically, but these are the wastes."

LIAM: I think you are our guide, all the same.

MATT: "Well, I will do my best." She keeps her
weapon at the ready. There are some five-,

ten-foot pieces of stone in stacks where pieces of
the mountain have either come free and come to

rest here at the base that offer a little bit of
cover from immediate views of anything in the

distance. Since you are keeping such a close eye
out there, you do notice that to the north of

you-- as you emerge, looking over the valley, to
your left would be north. So where you guys have

emerged here, somewhere in this area, you've come
out this side of the mountains, and looking

north-way you can make out shapes of other broken,
mountainous-like structures. You gather, through

conversation and the map you have at your
disposal, for them to be the Brokenveil Bluffs

that surround and encompass the Brokenveil Marsh.
There's a valley or gorge between the teeth-like

Bluffs and the Ashkeeper range. There's a strange
thing visible to you. Amongst the open,

daylight-gray sky, right there in that valley, is
pitch night.

LAURA: That's where Ghor Dranas is.

SAM: Do we know that it's engulfed in darkness?

LIAM and LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: It's unnatural darkness?

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: Make a nature check.

TALIESIN: Why this is an intelligence-based thing
is beyond me, but here we go. No. That's a one. I

rolled a two, which means it's a one.

MATT: Okay. You have no idea where you are.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

MATT: Or what that might be and what direction it
could be.

TALIESIN: That's crazy.

TRAVIS: What is?

TALIESIN: That thing.

MARISHA: Didn't we hear that the darkness was
expanding?

LAURA: We heard Ghor Dranas was always dark.

MARISHA: I feel like we heard that the darkness
was expanding somewhere.

MATT: Yasha pipes in and goes, "Ghor Dranas is
further east."

LAURA: Oh, really?

SAM: That's not it?

MATT: "No, this is right on the border of the
Empire."

TRAVIS: Well, that's promising.

SAM: So whatever darkness is creeping farther than
the capital?

MATT: "I suppose."

LAURA: Oh shit.

MARISHA: Does it look localized, or does it look
like it starts and then it's ever-expanding?

MATT: It looks localized. It's like there's a
strange sphere of shadow that is encompassing that

entire valley in the center of the mountains.

LIAM: So a dome, from our perspective?

LAURA: How far away is it?

MATT: You don't see necessarily a dome. What you
see is the mountain, and the cliffs, and the

ground around just goes into shadow. It's a very
strange--

LAURA: Like someone erased the world?

MATT: Yeah, went over it with a marker.

TALIESIN: Whoa. That's crazy.

SAM: How many days' walk is it from here, do you
think?

MATT: From there, you'd probably guess it's
somewhere-- let me see here. From where you

emerged, probably about two days.

MARISHA: Two days?

LAURA: To the darkness?

MATT: Looking at the map, you can gather the path
of the Ashkeeper Peaks, and where the Brokenveil

Bluffs are, that gorge, that valley where you see
that dark spot, is the Ashguard Garrison. As you

begin to focus and look out there, you can see
that texture within there that looked like a

forest is not, because there are points of light
in it. There are, you can just barely see at the

very edge of the horizon before you get to that
mountain range, what you can gather to be tents,

structures of some kind.

MARISHA: Does it look like a military front?

MATT: It's too far to see, but the last you word
you had was the Ashguard Garrison had fallen to

the Kryn Dynasty and was currently held by them.

LIAM: And the Xhorhasian agent that we tussled
with in the sewers was able to make darkness on

the spot, so it is a tactic they are able to use.

LAURA: A whole bunch of them together could make a
lot of darkness.

TRAVIS: We should get closer.

LAURA: Should we?

MATT: As you guys are having this conversation--

TALIESIN: I love this!

LAURA: Whoa, secrets!

SAM: What? How are there secrets already? He
didn't do anything! He doesn't deserve this one.

TRAVIS: D&D Beyond has a Discord.

SAM: It does. D&D Beyond is great, I love them,
but Laura, what are the artists' names who did

those beautiful art prints?

LIAM: They are-- open your mouth, I'll say it.
Matteo Scalera and Moreno Dinisio.

TALIESIN: Okay. Really quickly, just for fun, I'm
going to cast Blindness.

TRAVIS: What?

SAM: On whom?

TALIESIN: A guy.

SAM: A guy? What guy?

TALIESIN: It's a constitution save, 16.

MATT: Natural 20.

TALIESIN: He didn't.

MATT: Natural 20 on the save, yeah.

SAM and LAURA: Who?

TRAVIS: Yeah, exactly.

LAURA: Did we see what Caduceus was doing?

TALIESIN: I was just casting a spell at somebody.

MATT: You guys turn and look over, and a little
ways up, maybe 30, 40 feet from where you are,

from a cliff-like outcropping, maybe a small ten-,
15-foot cliff, a gray-cloaked and hooded figure

that's standing there with one hand up.

TRAVIS: One hand up, like this, palm out?

MATT: Palm out.

SAM: Yasha, in your culture, does that mean, "I'm
going to kill you," or "please don't kill me"?

MATT: Yasha goes, "In my culture we just kill if
need be. There's no pleasantries."

TRAVIS: I'm going to use Misty Step to bamf right
to him.

MARISHA: That's cool.

MATT: All right. You appear right in front and the
figure flinches as you do, and the hand

instinctually looks to be probably going for a
blade inside the cloak and holds it there.

TRAVIS: I summon the falchion. Who are you and
what do you want?

MATT: The figure reaches up and pulls the hood
back a bit. You see a bald human. Big, bushy,

black and gray beard, face covered with streaks of
mud. Looks to be a well-armored-- leather, studded

leathers-- figure. Looks to you with these very
piercing, blue-gray eyes, taking your check and

doesn't crumble under it. Holds the line and looks
back at you and says, "Hey, what are you doing out

here? You don't look like soldiers."

TRAVIS: We're not. We're a rescue party.

MATT: "What you coming to rescue?"

TRAVIS: A friend. What about you? Lonely place to
be up on the side of a mountain all by yourself.

MATT: "Come, let's get out of the open, at least,
if we're going to talk."

TRAVIS: You have others with you?

MATT: "I do."

TRAVIS: How many?

MATT: He whistles a little bit, and in the
surrounding rocks above, about ten other figures

with similar gray cloaks all emerge, many of them
with shortbows and longbows, arrows nocked

but not drawn yet.

TALIESIN: That's pretty cool.

TRAVIS: I motion to the rest. Let's go. This way.

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Are they nice? Is it nice people?

SAM: It it the sand people?

TRAVIS: The sand people?

SAM: Is it the sand people?

MATT: He leads you off to an alcove, maybe 15, 20
feet off from where you guys emerged. There's a

stone structure that curls around and gives this
slight little pocket where 60 to 70 percent of you

are covered by rock and not immediately visible,
except for what's immediately in front of you and

further down the mountainside. It's a little wide
space. Pulls you in as the rest of the other

figures slowly duck back into their hiding spaces.
"All right, so I'm Kaulden."

LAURA: Is that with a C or with a K?

MATT: "It's with a K."

LAURA: Got it.

MATT: "I'm the captain of the Muck Men, the small
band of scouts and rangers you see here. We're up

"from Bladegarden."

LAURA: Oh!

TALIESIN: That means something to you?

TRAVIS: Bladegarden is right here.

LAURA: That means they're not from Xhorhas,
is what it means.

TALIESIN: Oh, wow.

TRAVIS: On the other side of the Peaks.

MATT: "We scout along the Ashkeepers, one of many
troops keeping an eye on enemy movements.

"You shouldn't be wandering around here in a war
zone. You know that, right?"

TRAVIS: Indeed.

LAURA: We didn't have a choice.

TRAVIS: We are far, far from home. As I said,
we're a rescue party. It's a matter of necessity,

I'm afraid.

MATT: "This one you're rescuing, whereabouts
are they?"

TRAVIS: That we don't know.

LAURA: We think they're in Ghor Dranas?

SAM: Or maybe in that dark city over there,
maybe?

MATT: "Ooh, you'd probably have a better time in
Ghor Dranas right now."

MARISHA: We're not looking for a Xhorhasian party.
Did you happen to see any higher-echelon-looking

mage folk come through, maybe a week or two ago?

SAM: Maybe with a big worm?

MARISHA: Purple worm, real big.

MATT: "We've seen a worm move through, about a
week and a half ago. Went far east, straight

"across the plain."

SAM: Towards that dark place?

MATT: "No, that's northward. This went eastward."

LAURA: To probably Ghor Dranas, yeah.

SAM: Is that toward Ghor Dranas?

MATT: "As far as I know, that's probably where
it was headed."

TRAVIS: That would be the direction we're
supposed to go.

LIAM: What can you tell us of the war?

MATT: "Well, since the Ashguard was taken over a
month ago, they've been holding it. We've had a

"few scuffles holding the line. There's been one
attempted incursion at the Rockguard Garrison.

"It's been quiet to an uncomfortable degree. After
all these months of violence and death, to just be

"holding the line makes me uncomfortable. Makes me
wonder what they're waiting for. That's what we've

"been doing, and a few other troops: keeping an
eye, taking a tally on what's being planned."

TALIESIN: You know what happened at the other end
of this tunnel, or has word not traveled yet?

MATT: "I have an idea. What's this? Was this made
by that worm?"

TALIESIN: Well, yeah.

SAM: They dug into a town called Felderwin, and
they raided it and took prisoners.

MATT: "Hmm, I'll see if I can request a few more
parties out here looking for this. If this is

"going to be their way of going past the boundaries
of the Empire, that's a bad thing. All right,

"well, let me gather the rest of the Muck Men.
We'll see what we can do to maybe escort you back

"into the Empire."

SAM: Oh, we're not going back. We're going to pursue
the one that we're trying to rescue across the--

MATT: "Just the seven of you?"

LAURA: You're welcome to join us.

MATT: (laughs) "I'm not stupid, but thanks."

TRAVIS: What do you know about the area of darkness over there? Have you gone nearn it? Nearn it.

(laughter)

MATT: "As far as I know, the Kryn have some sort
of a spell that brings them consistent twilight.

"They tend to move best under the shadow. Sun
doesn't really behoove them well. It's a bit

"difficult if they're bringing the night with them
wherever they go."

TRAVIS: Does it move with them, or does that area
of darkness stay in one place?

MATT: "As far as I know, since that darkness
opened when they took the garrison, it's been

"there ever since."

MARISHA: Interesting.

TRAVIS: Right, so we go under the darkness, rid
them of that spell, and we'll be lickety-split out

of there no problem.

LAURA: We're not going to the garrison. We're
going to rescue Yeza.

TRAVIS: I'm being sarcastic, Jester.

LIAM: We will have to deal with this problem
further into Xhorhas. Do you have any tips for a

bunch of crazy assholes going into the enemy's
country?

MATT: (sighs) "Stay out of sight. I mean, there's
the beast men. There's all sorts of strange

"creatures that scour these wastes, looking for
things that move, things that feed. Don't wander

"too close into the marshes." He points down, and
you can see now-- and you caught this a little

bit. Where on the north side along this range, to
the left of where you are, there is the bluffs and

the Ashguard Garrison. To the right, the mountain
range curves around, miles and miles down, and

meets with what you can now see to be a large
lake. There is this darkened bit of land around.

It could be a forest, but he points it out to be a
marshland. "If you're looking to cross the river,

"heading up that way, just be careful. Gets wide at
some points. Gets a little thinner at others, but

"it's still crossing a river."

TALIESIN: Know if there's any way to buy some
horses or some such?

MATT: "I mean, unless you want to go and wander
into one of the various Xhorhasian towns and buy

"off a horse or three, good luck."

TALIESIN: Everybody got to eat.

MATT: "Anyway."

SAM: Would that darkened area that we're not going
to-- what is it called? Is that Ashguard?

MATT: "That's the Ashguard, aye. Well, if you're
going to go off and be fools that side of this

"land, do you need any supplies?"

LAURA: What do you have? Yes, give us anything you
have.

SAM: Yes, give us, for free, anything that you have.

LAURA: I would love that. So nice of you.

MATT: "Aye. Hold here a second." He walks out of
the alcove and heads out into the space where the

rest of his Muck Men are. Steps up onto this one
piece of stone and gives a little whistle to the

rest of the troop. They all stand up, and he looks
back to you and beckons for you to start to head

over to where they are. At which point you see
something go (soft whistle) through the air,

something shift real fast. You watch him double
over onto one knee. You can see the edge of an

arrow protruding from his chest.

SAM: Who, our guy?

MARISHA: Fuck. Get down!

MATT: You see other numerous arrows begin to
suddenly pelt the area where they have been

congregating. He immediately looks up in that
direction. You don't quite see where they're

coming from yet. He looks back to you and goes,
"Gods curse them! Stay out of sight!"

LAURA: I cast Cure Wounds on Kaulden.

MATT: Oh no, he is a ways away from you guys. He
left the alcove and went up on a rock.

LAURA: Okay, shit. Can we hide?

MARISHA: Are we still by the hole?

MATT: You guys are still in the alcove right now,
yes. You hear (arrow impacts) hitting rocks and

smashing against them. You hear bolts
and other things.

LAURA: Can we see where they're coming from?

MATT: Make a perception check if you want to go
look.

MARISHA: Fuck.

LAURA: Oh, come on! That was so good, but it's
nine.

MATT: You don't see anything at the moment,
partially because you're trying to also keep out

of sight. You hear it, Caduceus, at first, this
familiar, growling gibbering.

MARISHA: Gnolls.

SAM: More gnolls?

LAURA: Ah, I hate them.

MATT: At which point, those of you who are
glancing around can see, beyond them, there are a

number of other groups of large stones where
occasionally you see, jumping up from behind,

these large, humanoid, furred gnolls with longbows
that are releasing volley after volley towards

them. You cannot really see the rest of the Muck
Men or the state that things are in right now, but

they're returning fire left and right. Are you
guys staying put and staying out of sight?

You don't seem to have caught their attention.

TRAVIS: No, we're fucking engaging these fucking
things.

SAM: We don't even know which direction they're
coming from.

MARISHA: Or how many there are.

TALIESIN: Can we see where they're coming from, or
do we have any sense of how far away they are?

MATT: You've seen a few of them around, maybe 50
or 60 feet away, from around one section of stone.

TRAVIS: What are Kaulden's men doing? Are they
breaking to move and take off, or are they

hunkering down and trying to defend?

MATT: Right now, you cannot see from this alcove.
If you want to try to look out and make a

perception check to keep an eye, you can.

LIAM: Because we were alone with Kaulden in here,
didn't his troops sink back in their hiding spots at all?

MATT: They did, and then he whistled to call them
up from their places when you guys were about to

engage for trade.

TRAVIS: A natural one.

MARISHA: Fuck.

TALIESIN: I say we try and help.

SAM: Sure. We need to get out of here.

MARISHA: How far away is the rock towards where
Kaulden's people are?

MATT: Let me show you.

SAM: Hey!

MATT: You haven't engaged yet, but I'm going to
give you a lay of the land.

TALIESIN: I'm just happy that there's a map.

SAM: We're getting a map. D&D Beyond does have a
Discord channel you can check out at

dndbeyond.com/discord. I hope everyone watching
the show right now is making out with each other.

No matter if you're just friends, casual
acquaintances at a bar, family members. It's

Valentine's Day; let the love flow.

ALL: Whoa!

LAURA: Is it green or is the light green?

MATT and TALIESIN: The light is green.

LAURA: It looks so green!

MATT: This is actually on a mountain. There is a
slight incline.

SAM: Raked stage.

MARISHA: Woo! Oh, it is, yeah.

MATT: You guys are all pressed into this alcove
over here.

MARISHA: Do I need to look up the difference
between downstage and upstage?

LIAM: If we have to.

LAURA: Anybody want some candy?

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah.

LAURA: Sorry, he threw me off. Stop it, Sam.
Here.

TRAVIS: That was a really bad throw.

MATT: From this perspective, you can see Kaulden
over here. You begin to hear some other voices

shout out, (foreign words). You hear some sort of
energy streak, (impacts and grunting). Not gnoll-like.

Something else.

SAM: I'm going to cast Invisibility on myself, and
I'm going to run out there and look.

MATT: Nott, you cast Invisibility, and you go out
and look.

SAM: What do I see?

MATT: As you come around the corner and glance,
you can see across the way the group of gnolls

that are currently behind that way. You can see
two of them with their blade out and a shield.

They're both rushing from around the corner
towards where the rest of Kaulden's men are.

Suddenly, they all reach around a side of the rock
and release a volley. You see both gnolls take a

bunch to the chest and keep running, but begin to
slow. A second volley. One of them shouts out,

"Fire!" They release a secondary volley. Both of
them fall and crumple to their knees. They're both

killed as they rush by. However, what you do see
is around the way, this one member of this team

suddenly crumple to the ground, weapon clatter out
of out their hand. Curling around the way, the

familiar, insect-like Kryn armor of some sort of a
Kryn warrior comes around the rock. It darts

forward and leaps upwards and strikes downward,
hitting another one of them. As it does, suddenly

two copies of itself made of somewhat immaterial,
shadow-like energy also apparate and strike down

in rapid succession, all three strikes cleaving down
into one of the other members of the group, who

immediately is cut and falls to the ground.

LIAM: Caleb casts Tongues as soon as he hears the
foreign language out. He's got that small clay

model of the ziggurat.

MATT: Okay, so you begin casting Tongues on yourself?

LIAM: Yeah, one action.

MATT: You also watch around this corner
another Kryn figure with less, more decorative

armor. Not the heavy carapace-type blackened
armor, but just shoulder pieces and a helmet, and

dark gray robes that billow as the wind blows by,
stepping up with a large staff. As the figure

seems to draw this gray-like energy from the air
around you, a familiar gray energy that, as it

pulls through, it strikes the ground and this thin
black line of energy streaks across the ground.

Suddenly all the rocks within ten feet of it shoot
to the center, being pulled out of heavy

gravitational energy to the center as these
figures right here are also pulled in, the rocks

crushing and pelting them, this line of gravitational
tug jamming them for 100 feet out this way.

LIAM: Gravity and time.

MARISHA: Yeah. I think it was the sewers under
Zadash, right, the last time we saw—

SAM: Is that where we saw the gray energy?

MARISHA: The dark orb? Remember, we
kept thinking it was an orb of death?

LAURA: Oh god, yeah, that's right. Oh my god. Are
they all going to die if we don't--

MATT: Both of these figures get crushed into themselves
their bodies suddenly folded into a sphere of bone

and skin before they're flung to the ground, where
bits of the stone and rock that were jammed into

their bodies slightly come loose and tumble to the
ground as the gravitational pull vanishes. One is

still surviving from behind and ducks behind. You
can see blood running from this brass dragonborn

as this dark blood's running from the nose and the
ear and under the eye. It's trying to pull another

arrow. Are you guys doing anything?

SAM: I'm going to call back: Mighty Nein, follow my
voice! I'll lead them. I'll go over near that

cactus-looking thing over there.

MARISHA: There's no way they don't eventually find
us, right?

LAURA: Yeah, they're going to find us.

SAM: Yeah. That seems like cover over there,
right? Do I see any bad guys right there?

MATT: No, actually, what you see is-- so this is
where Kaulden is, and this is where another one

of the cloaked figures is.

LAURA: Should we pop out and do something?

SAM: Bad news, everyone out!

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Bless, by the way, because
we have a moment, on you, Yasha, and Beau.

MARISHA: (whispering) Oh, fuck yeah! Thank you.

LIAM: I'm going to grab the leather thong
and cast Mage Armor.

LAURA: I'm going to cast Bless on-- who didn't
get it? Anybody that didn't get it. Fjord?

TALIESIN: No, Fjord got it. It was Fjord, Yasha,
and Beau.

LAURA: Oh, okay. Nott and Caleb and-- do I have to
be able to see you? No, of my choice within range.

SAM: You don't know where I am.

LAURA: It's within range!

MATT: Does it say a target you can see?

LAURA: No, a target within range.

MATT: Wherever you are, Nott, you're blessed.
You're getting blessed instead of who? Oh, from—

LAURA: I'm blessing Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Okay, I'll take that. You're the only one
without Bless.

MARISHA: 1d4, right?

TALIESIN: Yeah, 1d4 to saves and attacks.

SAM: Awesome.

MATT: There you go.

LAURA: Basically everyone but me is blessed.

MATT: Everybody but you? I misunderstood.

SAM: #EverybodyButMeIsBlessed.

MATT: That's amazing. There we go.

TRAVIS: From our position, can we see-- I can't
see on the other side of that rock-- the person

up at the top. Is that friend or foe?

MATT: That's Kaulden. He's currently against
the rock with the arrow in his chest, going (panting).

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll run out of the cave
and run in his direction.

MATT: Okay. Are you doing this not to be seen or—

LAURA: Are we doing anything? Should we jump out
and attack? Because we would get a surprise attack if

someone jumps out and does something.

SAM: Yeah, but we don't know where any of them are.
You guys don't.

LAURA: If you came out, you would see it, though.

LIAM: We just hear shit.

MARISHA: I'm down for a big attack.

MATT: It's up to you guys.

LAURA: I'm just saying, if we jump out and
attack, we'd get a surprise.

MARISHA: I would think so.

LAURA: Right? Oh, they're in combat, so they
wouldn't be surprised.

MATT: It's not an ambush.

LIAM: It's a condition; it's not something that we
do. I learn, after 115 episodes.

LAURA: Okay, well then, never mind. Do whatever
you want.

MATT: What are you guys doing?

MARISHA: Attacking!

MATT: You're attacking, all right. Then roll initiative
if you guys are going to jump into this fight.

LAURA: These guys are really powerful, you guys.

MARISHA: They look powerful.

SAM: Here we go!

TALIESIN: This is not going to go terribly.

SAM and LAURA: They're super powerful.

TRAVIS: Stretch your legs. Here we go.

MARISHA: Oh my god.

MATT: Perfect.

LAURA: If things go poorly, head for the hole.

SAM: (singing) Head for the hole.

LIAM: This Valentine's Day.

MATT: 25 to 20?

SAM: Ouch.

MATT: 20 to 15?

MARISHA and LIAM: 19.

TALIESIN: 15.

MATT: So it's 19, 19?

MARISHA: Yeah.

LIAM: Sorry, sound guy.

MARISHA: Sorry, Chris.

SAM: Guys, Critical Role, am I right?

MATT: 15 to ten?

TRAVIS: Fjord had a 14.

LAURA: Jester had a 12.

SAM: 11 for me, if we're down that far.

MATT: Yasha got what?

TRAVIS: Five.

LAURA: Aww, on brand.

LIAM: Where's blink dog at?

MARISHA: Wait, where you at, Nott?

SAM: 11.

LAURA: He's still attached to my hip.

SAM: With the other animal?

MATT: First, this one Kryn warrior figure moves up
at the top. Suddenly their form seems to shimmer

and split off, and another shadow-energy version
of them appears not too far from where they stand.

The figure then rushes towards this one, leaps off
towards it, and as it strikes down towards the air

with its blade, the shadow figure tends to reach
out and grab its arm to hold it in place. As the

figure's trying to run away with its bow in hand,
it gets held there in the moment by the shadow, it

looks like, as it looks up just in time for the
large armored figure to come down with a

greatsword. Two other shadow versions appear with
similar greatswords and all come down towards it.

LAURA: Should we back off? We should--

MATT: That's a hit, and that's a hit.

SAM: Oh shit.

LAURA: Y'all, this might be a really bad idea.

SAM: Where are we going to go?

LAURA: I don't know; they would find us! Oh god--

MATT: Both arms are cut off, and where the torso
is, the greatsword jams itself down about 12

inches past the clavicle in the chest. The warrior
kicks the body off of the blade and splats onto

the rocky ground behind.

TALIESIN: Oh man.

MARISHA: The two fucking--

SAM: Should we talk to them?

TRAVIS: (laughing) Should we talk to them! I love
it.

MATT: Beau, you're up next.

MARISHA: Oh no!

TRAVIS: Have no fear.

TALIESIN: I feel a lot of fear.

MARISHA: Can I jump over the wall that I'm-- the
whole wall?

MATT: Yeah. You'll lose about ten feet of movement
to get over the top, but you can do that.

MARISHA: I mean, it'd be pretty much the same to
run around. I'm going to do that!

TALIESIN: We have all those archers that we need
to deal with.

MARISHA: Wait, what?

TALIESIN: All those gnoll archers.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: It's ten feet of movement to get up
onto it.

TALIESIN: That's five archers. Jesus.

MATT: As you step up onto the edge, you watch the
warrior after it kicks its blade off. The two

shadow clones of it blink out of existence, and
the helmet looks right up at you. You've

definitely made yourself known. What are you
doing?

MARISHA: (exhales) I'm going for the main
motherfucker.

MATT: Over here?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. That's ten.

MARISHA: How much movement do I have?

MATT: You have 35 feet still.

MARISHA: I can make it, right? That's 35 feet, it
looks like. Jump!

MATT: That's another five, so you have 30 left.
Make an acrobatics check to try and land properly.

It's a low DC.

MARISHA: (counting) 30. I could do it.

SAM: What a cute dress.

MARISHA: Thank you. (whispers) Uk'otoa. (normal
voice) What was it? Acrobatics?

TRAVIS: Calling out his name for good luck? I got
you.

MARISHA: 22.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine. You barely even touch the
ground and keep rushing from that point. 25, 30.

You've just enough movement to get right adjacent
to him. As you rush up, you can see within the

helmet, what little bit of the metal is not
covering the eyes, you can see the drow skin tone

from beneath, the very angry and intense eyes
staring back at you. You can see the cheeks and

the eyes curl up into a smile. What do you do?

LAURA: Oh, he's smiling! This is bad!

MARISHA: I smile back, give him a little wink. I'm
going to do an upper elbow to his jawline and then

go for the ribs.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I like the combo!

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

LAURA: Natural 20.

MARISHA: Not good. It's okay.

SAM: Bless?

MARISHA: 16? Plus Bless! No. Eight-- it is an 18
now, though!

MATT: 18? It hits the helmet.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: No damage. It just misses.

MARISHA: It just misses.

LIAM: We got another one coming.

MARISHA: Okay. It just misses.

MATT: That was your first attack.

MARISHA: That was my first attack. That hits.
That's a natural 15 plus eight, so 23.

MATT: This does hit. As you pull back the elbow,
you go for the chest hit after that. It does hit

armor, but you find a piece where the plates
themselves meet. You push past, and you feel the

impact catch him in the lower clavicle.

MARISHA: I'm going to spend a ki point to do
Stunning Strike.

MATT: Okay. The DC on that is?

MARISHA: It is 14.

MATT: 18, unfortunately.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

MARISHA: Oh wait, no. Not abilities, right?

MATT: No. It doesn't affect the DC,
unfortunately.

MARISHA: That's nine points of damage.

MATT: Nine points of damage.

MARISHA: I'm going to do Flurry of Blows. Another
ki point.

MATT: Two more unarmed attacks. Go for it.

MARISHA: Go down one. There we go. No. 18.

MATT: 18 just misses. You go--

TRAVIS, LAURA, and MARISHA: Bless!

SAM: On every attack? Is that how it is? That's
amazing.

MARISHA: Yes!

MATT: 19, that's just enough. You pull back, and
Caduceus' guidance, the Wildmother's energy,

propels you forward for that strike--

TALIESIN: Hey.

MATT: He's going to use his reaction to do Shadow
Martyr.

MARISHA: I can also-- I've hit twice now, right?

MATT: Well, this will be your second hit. It does
not. The clone that was in the space that you

rushed into darts in between, and you end up
actually striking it in the chest instead. Roll

damage on that strike. He doesn't take it, but the
clone does.

MARISHA: Nine again.

MATT: It dissipates, but it blocks the blow for
him.

MARISHA: How many attacks do I need for my
Extract--?

MATT: Extract Aspects? You need to hit him with
one of your Flurry of Blows strikes, which you

haven't yet because it hit the clone instead.

MARISHA: Okay, so one more.

MATT: You get one more attack.

TALIESIN: Plus a d4.

MATT: One, 13.

MARISHA: Yeah, that hits. 21?

MATT: Okay. Yeah, he does not have his reaction,
so it definitely hits.

MARISHA: Six points of damage, but Extract
(stumbling)--

MATT: Aspects, yes. What would you like to know?

MARISHA: I want to know what his constitution
saving throw is.

MATT: Plus four.

LAURA: Whew.

MARISHA: Okay, and then I get to know one more
thing, right? Do I get to know one thing or two things?

MATT: No, we adjusted it so that every time you
hit, you get to learn one thing.

MARISHA: Okay. Stunning Strike on that last one
again.

MATT: Go for it.

MARISHA: He rolls. Spending another ki point,
though. Stunning Strike.

MATT: Right, Stunning Strike. No, he's stunned.

TRAVIS: Come on! Who's up next? Hit that
motherfucker!

MATT: I hate that ability so much.

MARISHA: I burned three ki points, but I stunned
him!

SAM: Oh my god, you're so clutch.

MATT: That finishes your turn, Beau?
Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: I cannot see anything. I'm going to move
around the edge to get a look at the battlefield.

MATT: You scoot by.

TRAVIS: Tree's with you. Let go, Groot!

LIAM: I can probably see some gnoll archers from
there, and the man with the staff?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: I will take a pinch of phosphorous, and slap
it into my hand, and squelch the other hand

through it, and cast Wall of Fire, a straight line
splitting the field in half.

TRAVIS: Woo! Dope.

SAM: Where is this wall going?

LIAM: Damage going this way, downstage.

MATT: Across which way?

LIAM: From Caleb, a straight line, blocking
Beauregard and her opponent. But it won't go that

far. I'll probably start it where you put the
second one, Matthew.

MATT: Oh, right.

LIAM: Yeah. 60 feet, I believe.

MATT: He's going to attempt to Counterspell.

SAM: Oh wow! This is so sexy.

MATT: Natural 16 plus five, 21. That fire wall--

LIAM: Can I counter-Counterspell?

MATT: Yes, you can.

LIAM: At 4th-level? No, 3rd-level.

MATT: Go ahead and roll. Well, no, it's a 3rd-level,
so it does cancel 3rd-level. Okay, I'll allow it.

SAM and LAURA: Whoa.

TALIESIN: It started a little further from you,
right?

LAURA: Yeah, he's starting it from that.

MATT: Oh, from here?

MARISHA: Fuck you! No, fuck you!

MATT: Like this here?

LIAM: Yeah. If I have any movement left, I will--

MATT: You have, I'll say, 15 feet of
movement left.

LIAM: Go back where I came from.

SAM: Classic Caleb.

MATT: There you go.

LIAM: You're welcome.

SAM: Nice.

MATT: That finishes your turn.

TRAVIS: Caduceus, Fjord, Jester.

MATT: Well, next it's the other figure that attempted
to Counterspell and failed. Angrily seeing you

mid-spell Counterspell it while releasing this wall
of flame that shoots up in the space--

TRAVIS: Who was Counterspelling? This individual
over here?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: He's going to go ahead and--

LAURA: (whispering) He's going to be able to do
something to all of us.

MARISHA: I'm afraid of a Fireball or some shit.

TALIESIN: We have cover right now, though.

TRAVIS: What did we say about saying that
out loud?

MARISHA: I'm sorry, it's like Macbeth.

LIAM: Don't give the DM ideas.

SAM: This is tense.

LAURA: Matt, you look very dashing tonight. You
look really handsome.

MATT: Thank you. You're sweet.

MARISHA: Right? Isn't his beard so nice?

LAURA: It really is.

LIAM: Yeah, what happened, Taliesin? Everyone had
a beard but me, so I jumped in, and now yours is gone.

TALIESIN: I had to break the chain. Otherwise, if
there's too many beards, then it's free and

allowed to-- the creature that's beneath the table--
(whispering) Uk'otoa. Uk'otoa needs beards to survive.

TRAVIS: He's got a lot of movement speed, man.

MATT: Actually, it can hang back here, I think.

SAM: Oh damn.

MATT: It angrily watched the fire burn up. The
light scatters across the stone and base of the

mountain here, the side of its armor now shining
from the flickering light source. Angrily it goes

and hops up to the top after watching you dart
behind that area, raises its staff, focuses. In

the center of the area out in front of Fjord, as
you're getting ready, Fjord, all of a sudden this

green, thick fume fills the area as he casts
Cloudkill.

LAURA and TRAVIS: Cloudkill?!

LAURA: What even is that? How high of a level is
that?

MARISHA: I think that's real high.

MATT: That hits all of you guys right there.
Everybody but Beau--

LAURA: Oh my god, are we all going to die?

SAM: Me, too?

MATT: Yeah, because it had to hit at the edge of
the fire wall to try and get inside the alcove

where it saw you vanish. It actually does overlap
where you are. Yeah, it does. I need everyone to

make a constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: With a d4.

LAURA: With Bless, except for me!

TALIESIN: Except for you. Sorry.

TRAVIS: Yasha first.

SAM: Oh boy, not good.

TALIESIN: With a d4?

LAURA: Oh, balls.

TALIESIN: Oh, not good.

SAM: Oh boy.

TRAVIS: Excellent.

TALIESIN: No, that's not good.

MARISHA: These are bad things! These are bad
things to be saying out loud.

SAM: You're fine. You've got a book on your head.
You're fine.

TALIESIN: That's really bad.

SAM: Is that numbers, or is that a wave?

LAURA: It's numbers.

TRAVIS: Fjord rolled a 24. Yasha rolled a 19.

MATT: You both take 16 points of poison damage.

TRAVIS: Copy that.

LIAM: War Caster feat at advantage. Proficiency
bonus, plus the Bless, I got to 16.

MATT: Wait, War Caster to--

LIAM: That's my feat. Oh, that's concentration.
Oh, so not at advantage at all. But the first roll

was the highest, so the same.

MATT: Okay. You also take 16 points of poison
damage.

SAM: Fail. Nine.

MATT: Take 32 points of poison damage.

LAURA: 21.

MATT: You take 16 points of poison damage.

TALIESIN: Seven.

MATT: You take 32 points of poison damage. The
cloud remains there.

LAURA: Did you say-- how many points did I take?

MATT: You took 16.

LAURA: 16.

SAM: Uncanny Dodge doesn't work against
area-of-effect sort of things?

MATT: It's not an attack, unfortunately.

SAM: Okay, cool.

MATT: Yeah, and it's not a dexterity saving throw.
The cloud remains there. All of you all of a sudden

feel the poisonous fume burning against your skin
and the inside of your lungs, and you find yourself

instinctually coughing in horrible pain. It's burning
the inside of your body like an acidic rock

that's expanding in your chest.

LAURA: What level spell is that? Do we know?

SAM: Ass-level.

MATT: It's also going to use its Gravity Well
ability, which whenever it affects a creature

with a spell, it can push it ten feet in a direction
of its choice. You guys feel, as you're coughing,

the sudden force of gravity begin to drag you out
into the open.

SAM: Cool.

MATT: Ten feet for each of you.

LIAM: Matt, also, do I need to make a constitution
save?

MATT: You do, and everyone with Bless up has to
make one, too.

TALIESIN: Oh, all right.

LAURA: Oh.

MARISHA: Did you roll a 20?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Good.

TALIESIN: Do I get to use-- that's on a save, is it?

MATT: It's a constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: So the Bless does add to the--?

LAURA: 16.

MATT: I think it would.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MATT: 16? Yeah. You need to roll, for most of you
guys who took 32 damage, you need to get 16 or higher.

LAURA: I only took 16 damage.

MATT: Yes, you're fine.

TALIESIN: It's a constitution save?

MATT: Yes.

TALIESIN: 21.

SAM: To maintain a spell?

MATT: You rolled a 21? Yeah, so you maintain it.

SAM: 17 plus others.

MATT: Yeah, so you maintain your Invisibility.

LIAM: Natural 20, that got me up to 26.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine. All right, cool. That finishes
its go, and it's going to step back around there.

Actually, it's going to use its last movement to
step down in that space. That ends its turn.

That now brings us to Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Do I take damage at the top of the round?
With the gas, or no? That would really suck, but I

thought I'd ask, because I'm an idiot.

MATT: If you start your turn there-- Actually, this
damage happens at the start of your turn, I misread

that. So it didn't hit you yet. As your turns come
around, you will take this damage and be pulled out.

TALIESIN: Okay, so I just took that damage.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast-- First thing I'm going
to do is-- motherfucker. Sorry, I'm a little thrown.

I'm going to step out of this cloud up around that
way. Is that my full movement?

MATT: You have five feet left.

TALIESIN: I'm going to-- shit, son. I'm going to see if
I can get a little-- Oh fuck, then I'm going to be in

the range of the archers. I'm going to pull around
the corner there and I'm going to burn my action

to get-- Can I get within 30 feet of Beau's
opponent, or no?

MATT: If you're using your action to run, maybe.
You don't know. You can try it.

TALIESIN: I'll try it.

MATT: Five, ten, 15, 25, 30. Gets you about there.
You are-- it is 35 feet from you.

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast the--

LAURA: He's 35 feet.

TALIESIN: 35's fine. I'm going to use the Blight Staff
and summon the swarm five feet away from him.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Next turn, they can attack.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: That's everything I can do.

MATT: All right, ending Caduceus' turn.

TALIESIN: I'm just going to keep my cover there.

MATT: It is now the rest of the rangers out here's
turn. This one's going to dart around and take

a longbow shot at the one with the staff.

Nope, natural four. This one here is
going to go (counting) six and

is going to take two attacks, with advantage,
on the stunned--

TALIESIN: Technically, I can attack adjacent creatures,
so technically, I could have taken that bite attack.

MATT: Okay, then go for it.

TALIESIN: I'll add that to the--

MATT: With advantage, that is 16 plus six.
That hits.

TALIESIN: Where is that attack?

MATT: So that's four damage it takes.

TALIESIN: It's a melee attack.

MATT: Second attack is a natural 20. That's a
crit.

TALIESIN: Natural 20, by the way, to hit.

MATT: Two natural 20s back-to-back, nice.
That's 11 points of damage from that one.

TRAVIS: We need all the help we can get. We need
all of that.

MATT: You see the dragonborn, bleeding, cloak
pulled over one shoulder, come by and, with

its longsword, hack twice into the entity and give
you a look of, "Let's do this."

MARISHA: Yeah!

TALIESIN: Hit is ten 4d4 piercing damage, so is that
ten plus 4d4, if I recall, or is it just 4d4?

MATT: No, it's just 4d4.

TALIESIN: Why does it have that ten there? That's
weird.

MATT: The plus ten is to hit, I think. Wait,
sorry, what you're seeing is the ten? Ten is the

average damage. I misheard you.

TALIESIN: That's (counting) 22 points of damage.

MATT: 22 points of damage, ooh! Nice.

LAURA: Sam is reminding me that I need to roll
constitution saves--

MATT: For keeping Bless?

LAURA: No, I did that already. For Nugget and
Sprinkle. I feel like Sprinkle is--

SAM: I just hate animals so much.

MATT: Apparently.

LAURA: I feel like Sprinkle is in my clothes, so
he's got a filter.

MATT: I'll say for the purposes of fun--
(laughter) I'm not going to immediately murder

her weasel because of one errant spell.

TRAVIS: Yeah, you piece of shit.

SAM: That's not how I would have ruled.

(laughter)

MATT: Roll a constitution saving throw for
Nugget.

LAURA: 18?

MATT: Nice. For the hell of it--

TRAVIS: Terrible.

MATT: Mark down that Nugget has eight hit points
left.

LAURA: Yes. I have the thing, yeah. He took 16
points. He technically has six hit points left,

according to the thing that Sam gave me.

MATT: Both of those guys are going to fire at the
stunned guy with advantage. Unfortunately, it

still misses. It's the armor. They're hitting, but
the arrows are splintering across the armor.

Second attack, four, and a natural 20! Nice!
They're actually doing decent, thanks to the stun.

That's another 12 points of damage against him.
That finishes them. Kaulden's going to turn and

pull out his shortbow and take a shot at that
gnoll over there. Fucking five, misses. Hits on

the second one.

TRAVIS: Come on, Calder!

MATT: It damages that gnoll over there.
(whimpering and growling)

LAURA: Yeah, Colder, Calder?

MATT: Kaulden. He's going to step back and go this
way, staying out of the cloud area. This guy's

going to move out from underneath the cloud,
coughing. Actually, at the start of his turn, he

takes-- he does not make his save. He dies.

TRAVIS: He dies?!

MATT: He's coughing, vomits onto the ground, and
then collapses. You see the skin on the face begin

to bubble and boil from this strangely poisonous
cloud.

MARISHA: Kaulden's losing all his people.

MATT: Yeah, he only has four left, aside from
him.

TALIESIN: They seemed so badass.

MARISHA: They did! I thought they were going to
kill us.

TALIESIN: I felt like they had their shit together.
They just had nice cloaks. We made some

assumptions because you're like, oh, those cloaks
are great.

TRAVIS: They whistled. They had a group whistle.
(cooing noises)

MARISHA: Is that the secret?

TALIESIN: Obviously not!

LIAM: Fashion doth make the man.

MATT: So.

These NPCs are pretty strong for a general
ranger. Unfortunately, a lot of them got lined up

with a certain spell that did a lot of damage.
After their turn, it is now Fjord's turn.

TRAVIS: Yes. I will dart out of the green cloud--

MATT: You take your damage at the top of the turn,
which you already did.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh. I will move 30 feet towards Kaulden's
direction. Not up on the platform with him though.

MATT: He's not up on the platform; he ducked down
below. You're actually right up next to--

TRAVIS: Is that only as far as 30 feet carries
me?

MATT: That's (counting) 20. You have ten more feet
if you want to go.

TRAVIS: I will go-- can I get behind that spire or
that little upcropping?

MATT: Yeah. You can get over there.

TRAVIS: Perfect. I will use my action to point up
towards the sky; my eyes will roll back, and I

will summon the barlgura. And I will drop--

MATT: Oh, shit!

MARISHA and TALIESIN: Yes!

TALIESIN: Thank god!

TRAVIS: 60 feet. As far as I can get it in the
direction of all these jackasses over here.

MATT: 60 feet? Right there.

TALIESIN: Just down the line, man.

TRAVIS: I'll tell him to kill everything, but get
me the caster.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: He's not going to kill us, is he?

MATT: Does the barlgura take its turn when you
summon it?

TRAVIS: He rolls initiative.

MATT: Right, so roll for him.

LAURA: Roll low so that he gets to go.

TRAVIS: Well, it's 15. He should've rolled
shittier.

MATT: He's right before you guys next round.

TRAVIS: Yeah, right before me. Damn it.

MATT: That finish your turn?

TALIESIN: Unless you have a B.A.

MARISHA: B.A.

TRAVIS: Yeah, that's it.

MATT: Jester, you're up.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. I'm going to look at how
this works, and probably-- I mean, I can try this.

SAM: Yeah. Try whatever.

LAURA: I don't know how long that lasts. Okay, I'm going
to (squeal). Okay, I'm going to run out from

under the cloud. Can I climb up and over and hop
down right here?

MATT: Sure, make an athletics-- or it'll cost you
ten feet of movement. It's not too terribly high.

Five, 10 15.

LAURA: I want to hop down behind that rock, on the
other side.

MATT: (counting) That's your movement, getting you
there. You can jump down this way, or you can jump

down-- you can't quite get far enough to jump over
that way.

LAURA: I guess I'll jump down on that side.

LIAM: Can we see in the cloud, by the way?

MATT: I would say you can barely make out shapes
and stuff. I'll say half cover while inside. You

can still see shapes and things at a
certain distance.

LAURA: I'm out of the cloud?

MATT: You're out of the cloud, yes.

LAURA: Then I'm going to use my action to Invoke
Duplicity. She's going to appear on the backside

of the mean guy that's stunned. Yes, that guy.
Then for my bonus action, I'm going to-- I guess I

can't cast another thing. I'm going to--

TALIESIN: Do you have a bonus action heal that
you can hit?

LAURA: I don't think so. Mm-mm, because I
already-- hmm.

TALIESIN: Healing Word's a B.A. Why am I saying
B.A. all the time?

LAURA: I don't know.

SAM: Oh, fuck!

LAURA: I don't have Healing Word. I'm going to
crouch down.

MATT: You get low and put your back against the
wall. That finishes Jester's turn. Now the gnolls'

go. These gnolls here immediately rush forward,
drawing their weapons to strike at whatever this

terrible thing that rose up is. Both of them are
going to make a spear attack against it.

Natural 20, the first one against it.

TRAVIS: I think it hits.

MATT: And an eight. That's 17 points of damage
from one gnoll's spear. The other one against it,

natural two.

TRAVIS: That misses.

MATT: The other one, the barlgura grabs the spear
and is now wrestling for it. (growling) Spittle

coming out of it. The gnolls are taken aback by
it. They still feel their power in numbers, so

they're not quite certain of the danger they're
in.

TALIESIN: We'll work on that.

MATT: This guy moves up a bit and comes to this
point. He's going to fire a longbow at you, Travis.

TRAVIS: Fjord or the barlgura? Or Yasha?

MATT: Fjord. No, at Travis, at you. That is a 25
to hit, actually.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: That is nine points of piercing damage as
the longbow arrow sinks into your chest. Make a

constitution saving throw for me, to try and
maintain--

TALIESIN: You get to add a d4 to that.

TRAVIS: Okay, great.

MARISHA: Hashtag blessed.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine. You maintain that. This
one's going to move forward.

SAM: That's a gnoll? A regular gnoll?

MATT: Regular gnoll, yeah. It's going to take a
shot at this guy over here.

Natural 20 again!

TALIESIN: Jesus.

TRAVIS: Happy Valentine's Day!

TALIESIN: Archers. Oh, I get it now.

MATT: The arrow sinks in. It doesn't kill that
ranger, but that ranger is now looking around and

seeing a lot of his friends dead and is starting
to gauge if it's worth staying. That finishes that

gnoll there. This one here, let's see if it's
going to mess with the barlgura. Yeah, it's going

to rush up and join its friends, to try and group
up on the barlgura. That is a 15 to hit. What's

its armor class?

TRAVIS: It's 15.

MATT: Okay. It takes ten points of piercing damage.
Using both hands, it jams the spear into its abdomen.

TALIESIN: Wow, they're really going on him.

MATT: That ends the gnolls' go. That brings us to
Nott.

SAM: If I run out of the cloud, do I take more
damage, or is that--?

MATT: No, at the top of the turn is when you take
the damage. I'm retroactively considering that. If

you stay in the cloud--

SAM: I'm going to run out of the cloud. I think
I'll go downstage, so I'll run towards this mess

over here. Can I get as far as this, or no?

MATT: 15, 20, 25, 30 is where you can get.

SAM: 35 feet of movement.

MATT: Okay, right there.

LIAM: Fjord's dead.

MATT: Bye, Fjord. Sorry, bud. That's as far as you
can get there.

SAM: Well, then, I will... balls. (singing) Balls,
balls, balls.

TALIESIN: You've got a gnoll there.

SAM: We do have lots of gnolls that I don't want
to waste my effort on. I will bonus action get

behind that tree stump thing there.

MATT: Okay, so you're going to dash behind it?

SAM: Yeah. Then I'm poking out, and I will hold
my action until I see the caster.

I will hold a crossbow bolt.

MATT: Okay, you got it. That ends Nott's go.
Yasha's up.

TRAVIS: Yasha would like to ragé.

MATT: She has effectively ragéd.

TRAVIS: Okay, and she will make her way towards
Beau, 40 feet.

MATT: (counting) 40.

TRAVIS: Yep. Does the Kryn have any illusions or
duplicates or copies up or anything?

MATT: Currently, no.

TRAVIS: Nothing? Then she's going to throw the
Magician's Judge at the Kryn.

SAM: Okay. Is that a thing?

MATT: It's an improvised weapon, technically,
because you're throwing it. Roll an attack roll.

TALIESIN: Plus a d4.

TRAVIS: Okay. She will make it reckless. Sorry,
again, I'm rolling a what plus a what?

MATT: You're rolling 2d20 plus 1d4.

TRAVIS: Okay, so 19 plus 1d4. Natural 19 plus two,
21.

MATT: 21 plus her strength modifier.

TRAVIS: Which is (stammering) three.

MATT: You hit. You're fine. Roll a d4 plus her
strength, plus rage bonus. It's not full sword

damage; she's just (whooshing).

TRAVIS: Sorry, again, d4 plus--?

MATT: Plus strength, plus rage damage.

TRAVIS: (counting) Nine points.

MATT: Nine points of damage. While the Kryn's
shaking its head trying to right itself, the

Magician's Judge (whooshing, then impact), scrapes
off the armor and carves in for a minute. It

sticks for a second before it falls out, leaving
this open wound where some of the armor's opening

against the plates. That ends Yasha's go?

TRAVIS: I believe so. The Divine Fury, would that
apply to that weapon attack? When you're raging,

the first creature you hit on one of your turns
with a weapon attack. 1d6 plus three.

MATT: Yeah, I'll allow it.

TRAVIS: Okay, 1d6 plus three. Six plus three, so
nine radiant damage.

MATT: Nice! Not too bad. I'll take that. Okay,
that ends your go. It's now the Kryn's turn.

It's stunned; can't do anything.

MARISHA: (chuckling maniacally)

MATT: Beau, your go.

MARISHA: (grunts) Same thing, up under that
helmet!

TRAVIS: Do you have advantage because he's
stunned?

MARISHA: Fuck you and your helmet. Yes, I do.

TRAVIS: Fuck you and your helmet.

TALIESIN: Your d4.

MARISHA: (laughter) The power! Fuck. Wait! No.

TRAVIS: You're kidding. Which ones? These two?

MARISHA: No, I rolled an eight and a three, and
then I rolled a one with my-- no. It's 17.

MATT: You get excited and punch right square into
the chest part of the armor. You feel your

knuckles (cracking), and it stings, and it didn't
quite get through.

MARISHA: Thanks for the wraps. I'm going to knee
him in the balls.

MATT: Go for it. Roll for a second attack.

MARISHA: That feels right.

SAM: Happy Valentine's Day.

MARISHA: Son of a fuck bitch!

MATT: You have advantage still. He's still
stunned.

MARISHA: I did! A three and a four!

MATT: Oh, shit.

TALIESIN: Plus the d4, even? Yeah, that doesn't
matter.

MATT: You go for the balls. You've learned a
little bit about the Kryn Dynasty's main armored

warriors: they wear a metal cup.

LIAM: Carapace codpiece.

MATT: (metallic clang) "Ugh!"

LAURA: It's smart.

SAM and TRAVIS: Yeah, you've got to protect that.

MARISHA: Flurry of Blows.

MATT: All right, two more strikes.

MARISHA: Two more strikes.

LIAM: Woman wants a hit.

MARISHA: I can't believe-- he's fucking stunned!
Yes! Yes. This one does. Plus four--

LIAM: 14, with your modifier.

MARISHA: 18 plus four: 22.

MATT: 22 hits!

MARISHA: That was the first one. Okay. Ten damage,
Stunning Strike.

MATT: Stunning Strike again.

MARISHA: Again. I am burning all my ki points.

MATT: That is a 17, with a plus four bonus.
13 plus four.

SAM: Is that good? Is that bad?

MATT: He resists it.

SAM: He resisted?!

MARISHA: He resisted. One more time!

LIAM: Two threes.

TALIESIN: What are you rolling? Do you need to
borrow dice?

LAURA: Yeah, get rid of those dice, maybe?
Don't use them?

SAM: Maybe it doesn't matter because that's just
superstition?

LAURA: It matters!

MATT: I'm so sorry.

TALIESIN: Got to clean your palate.

MARISHA: Running low on ki points.

MATT: However, you did hit, so you get to learn
something else about him, if you want to.

MARISHA: I did hit. I hit the one time. Does
anyone have any spells that you do?

LAURA: Yeah, find out what his wisdom is.

MARISHA: His wisdom. What is his wisdom
saving throw?

MATT: Plus one.

MARISHA: Plus one? His constitution was plus
four.

TRAVIS: Aha! That's what it was.

MARISHA: His wisdom is plus one. So he's not very
wise!

MATT: Beau, are you staying where you are? Are you
going to move anywhere, or are you going to stay put?

MARISHA: I'll stay. Well, he's about to be
unstunned.

MATT: He is.

MARISHA: I'm going to back up in between Yasha and
Caduceus, upstage.

MATT: There?

MARISHA: Upstage. Yeah.

MATT: Okay, that finishes your go.
Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: I'm going to run out of this cloud directly
downstage, which I think will put us next to our

new friend?

MATT: Right there?

LIAM: Ja. From there I can see Fjord's pet, and
I can see this gnoll peeking out, so I will slap

the guano and the sulfur together and throw a
Fireball to ignite right here to get these guys

and as a bonus, this asshole that I can't see.

LAURA: But you saw him pop down.

MATT: Okay. Roll damage for that.

TRAVIS: (singing) Barlgura has fire resistance.

MATT: Still make its saving throw.

LIAM: 25.

TALIESIN: Balrog's not in it.

LAURA: He's just outside of it.

MATT: Sure, I'll allow it.

TRAVIS: If he's in it, he's in it. I thought
he was in it.

MATT: There is a way that you can-- Roll a
standard intelligence check for me.

LIAM: Okay. I mean--

MATT: It's not a huge deal.

LIAM: That is-- straight intelligence you said,
right? 15.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine. Keep the barlgura, no
worries. Damage on that was--?

LIAM: 25.

MATT: For the gnolls here, dex save. 15, what's
the spell DC?

LIAM: For Fireball?

MATT: For any of your spells.

LIAM: Oh, 16.

MATT: All right, that's a fail.

TALIESIN and SAM: Yes!

MATT: Fail. Fail.

TRAVIS: What?

MATT: Success.

MATT: All those gnolls just (yelp) and are
immediately burned to a crisp and fall back,

smoking. For the Kryn mage there, natural 19--

LIAM: Dick.

MATT: So he only takes half the damage of that.

TRAVIS: Bless you, Caleb, you sweet son of a
bitch.

LAURA: (southern accent) I hope he's a glass
cannon as well. Maybe he's also really low on health.

MATT: All right. That ends your go?

LIAM: I'm out.

MATT: You got it. He's going to make a
concentration check-- that's cocked. And fails;

the Cloudkill vanishes.

TRAVIS: Fucking amazing.

LAURA: Now that we're all out of it.

TRAVIS: Yep (laughs).

MATT: I mean, yeah.

LIAM: He flushed us out.

MATT: It is now that figure's turn. Couple of
fun things:

TRAVIS: Couple of fun things!

TALIESIN: I hate that phrase.

TRAVIS: This is not a lair, Matthew.

LAURA: Unless we're saying it, it's not a good
phrase! Anybody want some chocolate?!

LIAM: Yes.

MATT: From behind this area here a shadow version
of that same mage comes out of hiding, and they

both, in the same turn, moves forward to
here.

TRAVIS: Comes out of hiding, he's been there?

MARISHA: Yeah, the whole time?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Fire.

MATT: Didn't go on the last turn.

LAURA: It's like they have a best friend
with them all the time, they're like--

TRAVIS: The mage took damage on the Firebolt
that Caleb did though, right?

MATT: Correct.

SAM: I am firing at him.

MATT: You are.

SAM: (whispering) Fuck.

TALIESIN: Plus four!

SAM: Yeah I got it. Not great. Oh, well, 18.

MATT: 18 hits.

SAM: Okay, good.

MATT: But you are no longer invisible either.

SAM: That's right. Ah!

LAURA: Ah!

SAM: Ah! Fury of the Small.

LIAM: That's my secret: I'm always small.

SAM: 22!

MATT: Okay, 22.

SAM: Points of damage.

MATT: Nice. Okay, actually, this guy-- no, he's
going to stay there.

TRAVIS: You were firing at the shadow, or the guy?

SAM: The real one.

LAURA: Real guy.

TALIESIN: Guy on the hill.

MATT: Correct.

TRAVIS: Real Slim Shady.

MATT: All right. Great. So you finish that
strike, this one moves out of the way here, and

he's going to cast Compress Gravity at 3rd-level.

LAURA: The little shadow guy can cast spells?

MATT: He can cast one spell.

SAM: What is it, Reverse Gravity?

MATT and LAURA: Compress Gravity.

SAM: What is that?

LAURA: That's what we just saw.

MATT: I need Caleb and Fjord to both make a
constitution saving throw, please.

LAURA: You can do it.

TALIESIN: Plus the d4.

TRAVIS: Plus the Bless, thank you.

LIAM: Ooh, do well.

TRAVIS: 21.

MATT: Okay. You guys are rolling good on those
saving throws, jesus.

TRAVIS: Constitution saving throw, right?

LAURA: Yes.

TRAVIS: Yes.

LAURA: What'd you roll?

LIAM: 25.

MATT: So you each take 14 points of force damage
and you make your respective saving throws,

your constitution saving throws. Your speed is
halved until its next turn. You find gravity--

you're all of a sudden yanked to the ground and your
head goes numb for a second from the shifting of

the space and the weight of your body, and then you
find yourself pulled down for the next round.

TRAVIS: 16? So that's--

MATT: Yeah, you're fine.

TRAVIS: Okay.

LIAM: Plus the Bless, 26.

MATT: All right, you're fine.

LIAM: War Caster.

TRAVIS: Yeah, me too.

MATT: And it vanishes.

SAM: Oh, 28 points of damage, not 22.

MATT: Oh, got you. Good to know.

TALIESIN: How are you-- Everyone--

MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TALIESIN: If you are going down, you aren't going
to be down for long.

LAURA: You're pretty far away from them.

TALIESIN: I can move 60 feet and then cast
Healing Word as a bonus action, from 60 feet.

So I've got 120 feet worth of healing.

MATT: He's going to cast Vacuum Blast in
the same area.

LIAM: Jeepers creepers, y'all.

MATT: Which is a 20-foot radius.

TRAVIS: Who did that? Same guy?

MATT: The guy up top.

MARISHA: Is Vacuum Blast the same as Compress
Gravity?

MATT: Nope.

LAURA: His shadow cast a spell, and now he gets
to cast a spell.

MATT: So I need you guys also to make a
constitution saving throw, please.

TALIESIN: Plus a d4.

TRAVIS: Thank you. Natural 20!

LAURA: Yes!

TRAVIS: 22. Oh, 27, sorry.

LAURA: Are you making-- Is it a concentration--
no, the Wall of Fire's just there.

MATT: The Wall of Fire he's making--

LIAM: 24.

MATT: So both of you guys take half damage.

TRAVIS: Fuck. He's rocking us.

LAURA: Yeah, these are really powerful guys.

LIAM: Caleb's fucked up.

TRAVIS: I don't know what these spells are.

MATT: 17 points of force damage, each of you.
And make another constitution saving throw.

LAURA: Oh my god.

SAM: Are you alive?

LIAM: Sure.

TALIESIN: Plus a d4.

SAM: That Vacuum Blast sucked.

MARISHA: Fuck you, Dyson.

TRAVIS: 13.

MATT: 13?

TRAVIS: 14.

MATT: 14. That's okay, because it's half the damage
you took. So you're fine.

LIAM: (counting) 28.

MATT: Yeah, you're fine. You guys are rolling
really fucking high tonight.

LIAM: Transmuter's stone, War Caster feat, Bless.
Stacks up.

MARISHA: I definitely missed almost every punch,
with advantage.

MATT: I know. So send some of your luck her way.

LIAM: I was like "protect the melee fighter" and
now I'm getting fucked up.

MATT: And Kaulden is gone.

MARISHA: What do you mean? He's dead?!

MATT: You watch as Kaulden gets pulled back--
the Vacuum Blast pulls you all--

LAURA: What? He had piercing, blue-gray eyes!

MATT: -- and because you guys made your saves, so
you are not pulled. But Kaulden gets pulled 20

feet this way. The gravity shift is like this
giant vacuum hole, opens up on this side and yanks

him that direction. His body get pulled into this
dark space for a second and then shredded in the

middle of the air, and arms, legs, pieces start
falling and scattering on the ground.

TRAVIS: Does it stay open or does it close after?

MATT: It closes. It's going to step back here for
partial cover. All right, that's going to end its turn.

SAM: Is its ghost-image guy gone?

MATT: Gone. It seemed to disappear when it
finished casting the spell. That brings us to Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Ooh. I'm going to-- Oh boy.

MARISHA: You still have the beetles, right?

TALIESIN: I still have beetles, and beetles are
going to attack. That's a bonus action for the

beetles to attack if I recall, right? Let me see.
I have a button for that.

SAM: What a mess we're in.

TALIESIN: The beetles are going to take another
attack, for my bonus action. Actually, how are you

guys right now? No?

LIAM: Real bad.

MATT: You can't see them, actually. You have
no idea.

TALIESIN: That's fine. The beetles are going to be
my bonus action.

LIAM: Yes, totally bleeding from his eyes, sure.
Ears, eyes, nose.

TALIESIN: Oh, and I add a d4 to that, not that it
matters. (counting) 23 to hit.

MATT: A 23 hits.

TALIESIN: They don't have advantage, do they?

MATT: No. He's no longer stunned.

TALIESIN: That's (counting) Eh, fuck that one. I
didn't need it anyway. Sorry I'm shaking so much;

I'm really nervous. (counting) Nine points of
damage.

MATT: What's it?

TALIESIN: Nine points of bite damage.

MATT: Nine points of damage, you got it. The
beetles are crawling into the armor plates and

biting the inside. It's trying to knock it away.

TALIESIN: I'm going to get a little closer. I'm
going to go just a little further up against the

wall. Just to the edge, so I have some cover.
A little closer. There.

MATT: There's a person there.

TALIESIN: Oh, who is that? I didn't see that.

MATT: That's one of the remaining rangers that
still survives.

TALIESIN: Oh, well I'm going to wave. I should be
about 30 feet from that creature that we're

fighting, right?

MATT: About there you're 30 feet--

TALIESIN: I'm going to hold my action until
Yasha's attack, and I'm going to hold my domain,

my-- where's my brain? Channel Divinity.

MATT: Okay, no worries. Oh. Actually, because you
guys did both get affected by the creature

earlier, it does still get its Gravity Well ability,
so both you guys get pushed ten feet this

way. Suddenly you get tugged by this shift in
gravitational forces in your area.

Caduceus, that finishes your go?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm holding my--

TRAVIS: What was your initiative, Caduceus?

MATT: It's the barlgura's turn now.

TRAVIS: Oh, it is?

MATT: Yes.

TRAVIS: Okay, great--

TALIESIN: Path of the Grave.

MATT: That's what you're holding?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay, the ball-- barl-- the big demon
monkey, is going to use Running Leap, which is

part of his movement. He can run 40 feet and jump
20 in the same movement. And he's going to break

melee with the gnoll and head towards the caster.

LIAM: Yeah. Get it, Donkey Kong!

TRAVIS: He's going to jump up using
that 20 feet--

MATT: Here?

TRAVIS: Yeah, so he gets within melee of that
shit-ass.

MATT: Okay, the gnoll does strike against it.
Natural 17, so that's 20--

TRAVIS: That'll hit.

MATT: It takes eight points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Eight points, copy that. He is going to
make all three of these multiattacks with reckless

against the mage at the start of its turn.
That is one bite attack and two fists,

so we'll do the bite first.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Plus seven, that's a 20 to hit.

MATT: 20 to hit? Casts Shield as a reaction, so
that misses.

TRAVIS: Okay it misses, so the second one is a
fist. That is a 22 to hit.

MATT: That does hit.

TRAVIS: That's a 1d10 plus four, so that's ten points
of bludgeoning damage. The next fist is a 21 to hit.

MATT: 21 just hits with the Shield.

TRAVIS: Eight plus four, another 12 points of
bludgeoning damage.

MATT: You got it. As it jumps up, you see the mage
Kryn figure, (panting) looking over at the wall,

trying to start making calculations in its head,
suddenly reflects one of the attacks from it, but

the other two batter it from side to side and it
catches itself from falling to its knees and it

stumbles back up with the staff, trying to figure
out what its next move is going to be. That's the

barlgura. It's now these guys' turn. This is going
to come this way and fire at the other gnoll. Misses.

SAM: Aww.

TALIESIN: God, you guys. Really.

SAM: Yeah, these Muck Men suck.

MATT: That actually did a fair amount of damage to
that guy over there.

SAM: I can't see any of that.

MATT: There you go. That guy over there is going
to fire at the Kryn guy. Does hit, actually. That

only does five points of piercing damage, but
still, it all helps. This one over here is going

to fire a longbow as well. Natural 20. They're
rolling. They're getting a lot of crits this--

TRAVIS: Yeah, I think that's the fifth or sixth
natural 20 you've had in this.

MATT: So ten points of piercing damage.
All righty.

MARISHA: They're mad because their leader's dead.

MATT: Well, they don't know that. That finishes
their go. Fjord, you're up.

TRAVIS: I will use my 30 feet of speed to come
towards this gnoll down here at the far end of

the map, in this direction.

MATT: Well, you only have 15 feet of speed because
you're slowed from the gravity.

MARISHA: What?

MATT: The Compress Gravity from last round.

TRAVIS: Yep. So I'll just come that way 15 feet;
do do doo, do do doo.

I will send two Eldritch Blasts at that gnoll.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Yep.

SAM: (impersonating Travis' southern accent)

TRAVIS: Let's see. 20 to hit.

MATT: 20 to hit?

TRAVIS: That's 11 points of Eldritch Blast.

MATT: That's nice.

TRAVIS: Next one is 19 to hit.

MATT: Hits as well.

TRAVIS: That is three-- eight points of Eldritch
Blast damage.

MATT: Eight points. Both impacts blast into the
gnoll. The gnoll is breathing hard and heavy. Its

jaw is covered in its own gore, but you can see
it's (panting) starting to get that kind of feral,

cornered look in its eyes.

TRAVIS: Nice.

MATT: That finishes your turn?

TRAVIS: It does.

MATT: All righty. It brings us to Jester.

SAM: Come on, Jessie.

LAURA: Okay. I am going to-- oh god, this is so
dumb.

SAM: Do it for love.

LAURA: Okay, I'm doing it.

TALIESIN: You would do anything.

LAURA: I'm going to run up to the bad guy in front
of me.

MATT: All righty. (counting) 30.

LAURA: And I'm going to attack him with my
handaxe.

MATT: Go for it. You swing with your handaxe
(whoosh).

SAM: Oh, cool.

LAURA: Yeah. Do I get advantage because of my--

MATT: You do, because you are technically flanking
him.

LAURA: That's an 18.

MATT: 18 just misses. Your handaxe--

LAURA: Wait, no! That was a 12, that was
advantage! That's a 19.

MATT: 19 just barely hits.

LAURA: Whew, okay. Oh my god, okay. But don't I
get poison damage now?

MATT: From your last level, an additional d8.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: Yeah, you would.

LAURA: Okay, good. Well, that's balls.

Okay, so 13.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Okay, so that's 13 points of damage, and
then I'm going to use my bonus action to cast

Spiritual Weapon.

SAM: Yeah!

LAURA: I'm going to cast it at-- ugh, should I do
that? Fuck it. I'm going to cast it at 4th level.

SAM: Whoa.

TRAVIS: (air horn blaring)

MATT: So we'll bring-- whereabouts are you placing
it?

LAURA: Oh, wait, when you cast a spell using a
spell slot of 3rd-level or higher-- yeah, so at

fourth, I would get an extra d8. So yes, I'm going
to do it next to him and hit him again.

MATT: Where are you placing the Spiritual Weapon?

LAURA: Next to the guy, so I can hit.

MATT: So roll the attack for it.

LAURA: That is not cocked. Seven plus my thing, so
it probably doesn't hit; that's like 15.

MATT: Unfortunately, no. It shakes the greatsword
and parries the blow from the giant

energy-crackling lollipop that's currently resting
over its head. Deflects it off to the side.

TRAVIS: Max, can you text me Ashley's iPad code?

MATT: That finishes your turn?

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: All right, it's the gnolls' turn. This
gnoll's going to leap up-- actually, no. It just

got blasted by that-- (counting) 30. It's going to
charge up towards you, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

MATT: That is 18 to hit.

TRAVIS: That hits.

MATT: All right. You take six points of
piercing damage.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: It's a two-handed spear. Make another
constitution saving throw.

TALIESIN: With a d4.

TRAVIS: Thank you. It's a 21.

MATT: You're fine. This gnoll here is going to
drop the arrows and rush up to this guy here, at a

speed of 30 feet. She'll sit up here and shoot an
arrow. Can't quite get full movement there.

Cocked. Misses! Goes wide.

TALIESIN: Finally.

MATT: Nott, you're up.

SAM: I'm running that way, full sprint. (quick
footsteps, scream) Do I see the mage?

MATT: You do. They have three-quarters cover.

TALIESIN: But you have Sharpshooter, right?

SAM: No, I have Crossbow Master.

TALIESIN: Crossbow-- which ignores three-quarters
cover?

SAM: I don't think so.

MATT: Let me double-check.

SAM: I don't think so.

TALIESIN: Maybe.

LAURA: Maybe, though?

MATT: Nope, it doesn't.

TALIESIN: Nope, never mind.

SAM: Three-quarters cover means I roll at
disadvantage?

MATT: No, it means it gets a plus five to its
armor class.

SAM: Oh, damn.

TALIESIN: So you'd have to roll really high to hit
him.

LAURA: Like basically a natural 20.

SAM: Well, then, if I--

MATT: You can do it still.

SAM: Can I bonus action dash, and keep running so
I can see his full body?

MATT: You can. (counting) That works.

SAM: Okay, let's try that.

TALIESIN: Add a d4.

SAM: Yeah, thank you. 14 plus nine.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: That hits. Roll damage.

SAM: And he's engaged, so I'm going to take that
sneak attack!

LAURA: That's good.

SAM: Yeah, it is. 27 points of damage.

MATT: Ooh, nice!

SAM: And that's all I got. I used action, bonus,
run-- that's it. That's all I got.

LAURA: No Fury of the Small again?

SAM: Nope. Just once per rest.

MATT: That finishes your go, Nott. Yasha's turn.

TRAVIS: Yasha will rush up on the Kryn, and will
grab the Magician's Judge.

MATT: To where? Here?

TRAVIS: Anywhere that's within melee is great. And
take two swipes.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: Reckless. That is a 23 to hit.

MATT: 23 hits.

TRAVIS: The first one has the Divine Fury, which
is 3d-- Are you fucking kidding me?

MARISHA: That's bad.

TRAVIS: Only one of those. I'm going to just roll
one. Damn it. (counting) All right, so ten points

of slashing damage.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Doubled.

TRAVIS: Why?

TALIESIN: Because I'm doubling this first attack.

MATT: With his ability Eyes of the Grave.

TRAVIS: So 14?

MATT: No, double the dice, is what it is. Plus the
bonus.

TALIESIN: Is it double the dice? I thought they
have--

MATT: Oh, no, they're vulnerable to it. So it is
double damage.

TRAVIS: Okay, so 20 on the first one.

MATT: It's not a crit, but that's amazing.

MARISHA: That's cool.

TRAVIS: Reckless for the second attack, which is
22 to hit.

MATT: 22 hits.

TRAVIS: Awesome. That is 16.

MATT: Stunning Strike is my fucking bane. 16
points of damage.

MARISHA: Is he still stunned?

MATT: No, but there's an entire round of combat
where he just-- everyone got to fuck with him.

TRAVIS: 19, sorry. I forgot raging.

MATT: All right. Cool. I mean, good for you.

TRAVIS: And that's it.

MATT: Awesome. That finishes your go for Yasha,
top of the round. Now it's the Kryn's turn. He's

going to bonus action, he's going to manifest its
echo, right there. It's then going to make-- yeah,

he's going to take all three attacks against
you, Jester.

SAM: Oh no.

LAURA: No, that makes sense.

MARiSHA: Slicey blade dude?

MATT: Yep.

MARISHA: Slicey--

TRAVIS: Sentinel?

MATT: Yasha gets Sentinel attack.

MARISHA: Because I'm not there. She can do it.

MATT: First attack against you. That is 21 to hit.
Yasha can make her attack. You take 18 points

of slashing damage.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: Okay, that's fine. Shrug that off.

TRAVIS: 20 to hit?

MATT: That hits.

TRAVIS: (counting)

MATT: Actually, it's going to use its reaction to
use Shadow Martyr. No, it didn't roll high enough.

So yeah, it still takes the damage.

TRAVIS: 15 points of slashing damage.

MATT: He's starting to breathe heavy. He's looking
really rough. Second strike against you.

It's going to be 20 to hit.

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: That is 16 points of slashing damage.

LAURA: Cool. Yeah, I'm fine.

MATT: The first strike hits you with the blade,
and all of a sudden out of the corner of your eye,

a shadow version of it appears, cuts through you,
and then vanishes. Right as you're reacting from

that, above you a spark of dark energy in the
shape of a warrior comes streaking down from above

for a third strike. That is going to be
18 to hit?

LAURA: 18.

MATT: Still hits you. That is--

LAURA: I wish I had the Bless.

MATT: It won't help for this, unfortunately. 15
points of slashing damage.

SAM: Easy. No problem.

MATT: It's going to get an action surge--

LAURA: (groan) Oh no! Why you do this to me?! I
said you looked nice tonight!

MATT: (chuckling) I know you did. This isn't me.
This is him.

LIAM: That was Matt.

TRAVIS: He's smiling under that helm.

MATT: It's going to--

LAURA: Oh yeah! I'm going to use my reaction of
Hellish Rebuke.

MATT: Go for it! All right. So roll damage on
that.

LIAM: Maybe you'll kill him.

LAURA: Do I have to roll to attack on
Hellish Rebuke?

MATT: No, it's a saving throw against your Hellish
Rebuke. What's the save on that? Is it dexterity,

or wisdom?

LAURA: Hellish Rebuke, I think, is based on
charisma?

MATT: Well, the DC of the ability is based on
your charisma.

LAURA: Okay, yeah. Sorry.

MATT: It's okay.

LIAM: It's been two weeks.

LAURA: Hellish Rebuke. It's 12.

MATT: 12. Okay. That is-- What's the ability for
Hellish Rebuke?

LAURA: Dex.

MATT: Dex, yeah. That puts him at 12 actually,
exactly. He rolled a nine, plus three.

LAURA: Sweet. So he doesn't take anything,
or does he--

MATT: He takes half damage.

SAM: Oh! Okay, okay.

LAURA: I have a 16, so eight points of cold
damage. As I just go, (shouting) Ow!

MATT: (groan) You see the ice shards through the
armor, bits of it filling the gaps in its plate

where it's been taking wounds--

LAURA: Ooh! Oh, it's probably too late to say. I
have my duplicate within five feet, so if my

duplicate's up, it's like a thing!

SAM: Oh, it's a 50/50 chance which one they
attack, right?

LAURA: Or something; hold on.

MATT: I'll double check.

SAM: They have to roll to see which one's the
right one, right?

TALIESIN: New stuff! We have new stuff!

LAURA: No, this is old. I just am never attacking.
I have advantage on attack rolls, that's what it--

MATT: Correct. That's what it does. So it doesn't
have an effect that. Now you know.

LAURA: Motherfuck!

MATT: So action surge, next attack on you, 21! Ten
plus 11. You take 17 points of slashing damage.

LAURA: I'm done.

TRAVIS: Unconscious?

MATT: Jester's unconscious.

LAURA: It's my fault. I went up there, you know? I
was being brave.

MARISHA: He hit real hard.

MATT: The figure goes away. After cutting through
Jester, you watch as another one of its shadow

forms appear, and it's going to cut through the
guy behind him. Misses! Natural five. Wait. Plus

11. No, that still hits. The shadow version steps
up behind the wounded dragonborn (panting) and

then carves across his throat. (groan) Falls off.
The shadow clone echo dissipates. The third and

final one is going to strike down towards... Yasha
looks pretty beefy, it's going to attack you. It's

technically with advantage because you're on the
ground.

LAURA: I mean, I'm unconscious.

MATT: Yeah. Well, I mean, it has to still roll.
Wait no, it's an automatic crit.

TALIESIN: Can I discount the auto crit?

MATT: You've already used your reaction to
improve--

TALIESIN: Fuck, I have; motherfucker.

MATT: So it's two death saving throws on you,
Jester.

SAM: Ooh boy. Who is near her?

TALIESIN: I'm fine. I got it.

MATT: It's going to go (counting)--

TALIESIN: Oh, is Yasha going to--?

LAURA: Yasha already took her reaction.

MATT: 25, 30.

MARISHA: Piece of fucking shit!

SAM: Wait, when he moved away, does anyone get
an attack?

MATT: Nope, because Yasha already used her
reaction.

LAURA: When I came over there, I thought Beau was
next to me.

MARISHA: But she hit him, but it wasn't in an
escape, so does she get to move?

TRAVIS: Wait, Sentinel drops them to zero, right?

MARISHA: But I think it's when they're fleeing. I
don't know if it counts.

MATT: Wait, so can she hit him with the thing, and
it might have done that.

MARISHA: She hit him with Sentinel.

MATT: That's right. Hold on. It might prevent the
movement.

MARISHA: She drops him to zero, but let me--

MATT: You're right. It might do it based on--

TRAVIS: (singing) Handbooker Helper!

TALIESIN: Is an action surge a bonus, or can you
just take an action surge?

MATT: You were a fighter, you should know this!

TALIESIN: I should know this, but I'm so
panicked!

MATT: No, you just take it, it's not a bonus
action.

TALIESIN: That's right. Motherfucker!

MARISHA: "When you hit a creature with an
opportunity attack, the creature's speed becomes

"zero for the rest of the turn."

MATT: An opportunity attack. It wasn't an
opportunity attack, though. It says here, with--

MARISHA: "Creatures within five feet of you
provoke opportunity attacks from you, even if they

"take the disengage action. When a creature within
five feet of you makes an attack against a target

"other than you, and the target doesn't have-- you
can use your reaction to make a melee weapon attack."

MATT: A melee weapon attack is not an opportunity
attack, so it did not reduce his speed. Sorry. It

only reduces their speed if they're moving away
that triggers it. It does not reduce their speed

if they get hit from hitting somebody else.

LIAM: It's that they're planted and attack.

MATT: Correct.

LIAM: Got it.

MATT: All right. That finishes its turn. Beau,
you're up.

SAM: Boof.

MARISHA: Wait, Nott or Yasha didn't go? Jester
just went, and it was that guy--

MATT: Well no. We're at the top of the round. He's
at the top of the round.

MARISHA: Oh. Oh, fuck me! Is someone else getting
Jes?

TALIESIN: I got Jes. Something awful is going to
happen.

MARISHA: 45. He's 45 feet away from me, right?
That guy?

MATT: You don't know. Maybe.

MARISHA: I think he is. I'm going to make the
run.

MATT and MARISHA: (counting) 45.

MARISHA: Motherf--!

MATT: You're running past the giant flames. It's
not hurting you, but it's super hot, and you can

hear them right next to you, and he's just out
of reach.

MARISHA: That sucks.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to
spend a ki point to close the five feet.

It seems really wasteful of a ki point, but...

MATT: You move in.

MARISHA: I'm doing it. Pop pop!

MATT: Go for it! Make your attacks.

MARISHA: Oh my god. Try and find right under his
helmet. That nerve. I've been using my fists

because they're magical. Has anyone hit this guy
with a non-magical attack? You have, right?

TRAVIS: Who, the Kryn?

TALIESIN: I assume the fighters have been--

MARISHA: Hitting with non-magical attacks?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MARISHA: I'm going to hit with my staff.

MATT: Go for it.

TALIESIN: Plus a d4.

LIAM: One of them's cocked. 12 is cocked.

MATT: Yeah. Reroll that.

MARISHA: No, it's not!

LIAM: We discounted a-- It was, before you moved
it. We've thrown out a 20 that was that cocked!

MATT: It is now. It's 12. It's fine. She chose
it.

MARISHA: It should still be good. Yes. Hits.

MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage.

MARISHA: Six damage.

MATT: Six damage, all right.

MARISHA: Stunning Strike. Right? Just going for
that jawline, going for that nerve!

MATT: He's stunned. Natural seven.

TALIESIN: (groans)

MARISHA: Punching him again.

MATT: Go for it. You have advantage on the strike,
because he's stunned.

MARISHA: Yep. It hits, I'm sorry. 23.

MATT: 23. That hits. Go and roll damage.

MARISHA: Still using my staff. Oh, that's good!
13.

MATT: Nice! (crack, panting) Yeah? That's your
turn, right?

MARISHA: He's looking bad? Well, I have a bo--

MATT: No, you used your bonus action.

MARISHA: Nope, I used it to Step of the Wind. Yep!
That's my turn. That's my turn!

MATT: Caleb, you're up.

LIAM: I checked a line of sight over Travis'
shoulder so I can see the magic user's head, so

I'm going to just going to toss a Fire Bolt his
way. Three-quarter covers--

MATT: Go for it.

LIAM: --The enemy.

LAURA: Nugget is very concerned right now.

LIAM: It's at disadvantage, right?

MATT: No, it gets plus five to its AC.

LIAM: Oh, he gets plus five.

TALIESIN: Plus d4 to your attack, if you're doing
an attack.

LIAM: Yes, I am. That's pretty good, hold on.
Plus, shit. Shit balls. (muttering) Goddamn it.

Can't remember my shit; coming up, I think it's
plus six, so 26.

MATT: 26 hits! Go ahead and roll damage.

LIAM: Okay. That's 2d10. Ten.

MATT: Ten points of fire damage. Off the side of
his shoulder, pats it out.

LIAM: And I'm going to use my movement, which is
halved because the gravitational effect, I think,

to go over behind that tall outcropping of rock
upstage. I'm going to-- no, right up against the

one that's-- no, behind this; hiding from the
magic user. And for my bonus action, I'm just

going to pull out a healing potion, and not drink
it and just hold it.

MATT: Okay. You got it. That finishes your turn,
Caleb?

LIAM: Ja.

MATT: All right. It's now the mage's turn. The
mage is going to take an attack of opportunity

from the barlgura. So go ahead and roll for a
strike.

TRAVIS: (singsong) Pull that back up! Bite attack:
that's a 13.

MATT: 13 misses. Wide swing, just as the mage
ducks down beneath. (counting)

SAM and LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: Reaches over and grabs him and you watch as
they both vanish. Dimension Dooring out of sight.

MARISHA: I can't do anything with them? Does that
provoke an attack of opportunity?

MATT: Nope. It's a Teleport. The flames flicker,
and you angrily stomp around the space where it

was. You glance about. Make a perception check.

MARISHA: 15.

MATT: It's hard to tell on the horizon where they
went, amongst the rocks and other bits of terrain.

They're out of sight. The flames still burning
from the fire wall, and you look about and can see

the various scattered dead bodies of the various
rangers who you had just met. And that's where

we're going to take our break.

SAM: That was a satisfying fight?

LIAM: Lot of cool shit happened.

MATT: A lot of cool shit happened.

TRAVIS: We're not technically out of initiative
yet.

MATT: No!

LIAM: There's a gnoll!

MATT: I know. We're going to come back at that
here in a second.

SAM: Jester is almost dead.

TALIESIN: Jester's fine. I got that.

MATT: Well, how many hit points does the barlgura
have?

TRAVIS: 33.

MATT: I'll say for the purposes, because otherwise
we'll be running through the motions here. The

gnoll's not going to last very long, and barlgura
either, with all of you guys focused on it. You

quickly dispatch the barlgura and the gnoll, take
a moment to breathe--

TALIESIN: You're at 30 hit points.

LAURA: I'm at 30 hit points. I'm not dead.

MATT: There you go. And then we're going to take a
break.

TRAVIS: Okay!

MATT: Tonight, as our Wyrmwood giveaway, we have
this delightful cherrywood dice box from our

friends here, leather interior, to give away. To
possibly win this, head on over to the Twitch chat

on the Critical Role Twitch stream, that's
twitch.tv/criticalrole. Enter the keyword "date"!

D-A-T-E, because it's Valentine's Day, and you're
having a date with us. But enter it once, only

once. Once again, only the US and Canada,
excluding Quebec, because of stupid laws. But

we'll have a winner for you when you come back in
just a little bit! See you in a sec.

TRAVIS: Nice. Hey hey, we didn't die!

MARISHA: We didn't die!

MATT: That's true!

[break]

MATT: And welcome back, everyone. Before we get
into it, we'll have Laura and Travis joining us in

just a second. They're dealing with mommy/daddy
stuff.

SAM: (loudly) They are fucking!

MARISHA: Just a quickie.

MATT: We do have a winner for our giveaway, which
is procrastinate_or. Procrastinate underscore O-R,

congratulations. You won tonight, we'll have that
sent to you ASAP. Well done. So, bringing us back

in: there, standing amongst the base of the
Ashkeeper Peaks, overlooking the wastes of Xhorhas

before you and the path you've chosen to take, you
can see the various slaughtered gnolls scattered

amongst the nearby rock and stone, as well as the
bodies of the individuals you had even just

previously met-- this scouting regiment out of
Bladegarden. Only three survivors remain, and

they, not even acknowledging your presence, start
gathering the corpses of their friends and laying

them side by side, checking them for any goods
that they won't be needing.

MARISHA: I don't say anything, but I just slowly
start helping them.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: (trickling liquid)

LIAM: Full bladder?

SAM: Sorry. Did you ever heal Jester?

TALIESIN: Aw, shit. Jester's dead now, I assume.
Yeah, I healed Jester. I'm taking care of Jester for this.

LIAM: How many of them are left?

MATT: There are three.

LIAM: Three.

MATT: Three survivors of what was originally 11.

MARISHA: Three of 11, wow.

SAM: Anything on any of the gnolls' bodies?

MATT: You can make an investigation check.

SAM: 22.

MATT: 22, all right. Amongst the gnolls, you
manage to pull together what comes to about 26

gold pieces, 16 silver pieces, and 31 copper.

LAURA: Aw, man. Imagine what kind of loot we would
have gotten off the other guys.

MARISHA: I know. There are only three of the Muck
Men left.

LAURA: Did we loot them?

SAM: (laughing) They're alive.

MATT: There are three living Muck Men that are
currently--

MARISHA: They are gathering their dead brethren.

MATT: Caduceus has brought you from the brink of
death.

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. You're feeling okay, though.

LAURA: I feel pretty good, minus the fact that I
almost died.

LIAM: I'm going to start limping over to the
closest Muck Man.

MATT: You walk over and you see a stern-faced
woman with ratty, brown, mousy hair that is pulled

into a tight braid that disappears into the back
of the hood. The hood is currently slipped back,

she looks-- blood pooling down one side of the
forehead that has now begun to dry and mingle with

the sweat. She doesn't pay any attention as you
approach and is in the process of folding arms

over and checking pockets.

LIAM: Smear away the blood coming out of my eyes
and nose from that gravitational bullshit and will

crouch down next to her and attempt to help in any
way I can, and ask: How-- hoo, my head-- frequent

a thing is this?

MATT: "This is not very frequent. We usually do
not have to reveal ourselves for others. It was

"careless of Kaulden. But a lesson he paid for."

LIAM: How far off are you from the nearest group
of your brethren?

MATT: "As far as I know, there are maybe three
other scouting regiments out amongst the

"Ashkeepers, but we all keep to ourselves. We are
to return to Bladegarden within the week. Looks

"like we'll do our best to bring back what we can,
effects for the families. Unfortunately, we're not

"enough to carry the bodies back."

SAM: Do we need to bury them or burn them or--

LIAM: What do you want to do with them?

MATT: You can see her eyes flitter amongst the
corpses and go, "I'm not superstitious, but I do

"know of the whispers of various necromantic
terrors to the far east. I say probably best we

"burn them." She continues to rummage through and
pulls out some coin, pulls out some arrows. Takes

off a section of the armor and inspects it; it's
too damaged. Sets it back down.

LIAM: To the east. If we head east, we are going
to have problems with the undead?

MATT: "I don't know. I have not been that far
east."

LIAM: But you hear this.

MATT: "I've heard that there are-- and this is old
history of Xhorhas. There were betrayers that were

"dabbling with various means of creating more
powerful armies. I've seen many different

"shadow-based creatures that wander the waste, but
I have not crossed undead myself. As I've said, I

"am not superstitious, but better safe
than sorry."

LIAM: Okay, thank you. Excuse me. Caleb lies flat
on his back and stares at the sky and starts into

Arcane Recovery.

MARISHA: You said you're heading straight back to
Bladegarden?

MATT: "We're not going to do much good with a
small party like this."

MARISHA: Are there more of you back at base camp?
Are you going to switch out the party?

MATT: "I think so, or at least replace those we've
lost and head back out. This is a time of war.

"We cannot stop until there is some end
to this insanity."

MARISHA: I'm sorry.

SAM: Did your fallen friends have any horses or
carts or any way of traveling?

MATT: "We travel by foot across the mountain
range. It's the safest to stay out of sight.

"If you're heading east, it's the safest for you as
well. It's very hard to stay out of sight when

"you're on horseback or carrying a cart."

LAURA: Do those cloaks keep you hidden very well?
They blend in with the environment.

MATT: "This is the intended color."

LAURA: Do you have any extras you would be willing
to part with?

MATT: She opens her hands amongst the various
bodies on the ground.

LAURA: I think we should take them.

MARISHA: Yeah, I agree.

TALIESIN: Of course.

MATT: There's enough for all of you, though a few
of them are bloodstained.

LAURA: I can cast Mending on them. Try to clean
them up a little bit, heal them.

MATT: Mending fixes; it doesn't clean.

LAURA: Cool.

TALIESIN: They're going to get bloodstained
eventually.

MATT: That's a Prestidigitation thing. (slurring)
Prestidigitation.

TALIESIN: If you'd like, we can build a pyre and
wait till you've had some time to move on before

we set it. We'll set it when it's time for us to
leave, if that helps.

MATT: I appreciate that.

TALIESIN: 'Course.

MATT: Give us a few more minutes.

MARISHA: Take your time. Talk to me
before you leave.

MATT: "All right." The three of them gather
whatever things seem to be important. They throw

the bodies on a pile, quietly bow their heads for
a moment of silence, and then turn back around,

throwing their cloaks over their shoulders, their hoods
up, bows at the side. The woman approaches you.

MARISHA: In that time, I've scribbled a note to
Dairon. If you're heading anywhere, if you happen

to run into a soldier by the name of Dairon with
the Cobalt Soul, could you give this to her?

MATT: "I'll do my best."

MARISHA: She was injured. Pretty sure here in
Ashgarden or Ashgrove--

MATT: Bladegarden.

MARISHA: That place.

LIAM: Ashley Johnson.

SAM: Garden garden.

TALIESIN: The garden of earthly gardens.

MARISHA: Last I heard, she was recovering in
Bladegarden.

MATT: "Well, I'll ask around."

MARISHA: Thank you.

LAURA: I hate to ask this, but since you guys are
heading back, would you have any supplies that

would help us on our way out? Kaulden was going to
give us something, I think. It's a terrible ask, I know.

MATT: "Well, we only need enough food for the
three of us to get back. Any sort of rations you

"would need for your journey, they're in that pile
there." There's a small cluster of satchels that

were taken from the bodies that look to contain
trail rations and other bits of edible materials

for the journey.

LAURA: Cool, cool. I'll take one just to have.

MATT: Okay, make an investigation check.

LAURA: Ten! (grumbling)

MATT: You find some food.

LAURA: Balls.

SAM: Good job.

LAURA: Thanks.

MATT: The three of them gather, give you a nod,
stoic, emotionless. They've probably seen some

shit, and this is not an occurrence that is new to
them. They turn around and begin hiking their way

back up the side of the mountain.

SAM: Well, this place is not great, but we knew
that coming in. We survived our first encounter

with baddies here, so we should look on
the bright side.

LAURA: What if the whole city is filled with
people that are as strong as they were?

TALIESIN: I think if that were true, the war would
be over by now.

LAURA: That's true. That's true!

TALIESIN: I think that probably they're mostly
people. We came across a couple very serious

people, and we're all standing.

LAURA: (whispers) I don't like serious people.

SAM: Mm-mm.

TALIESIN: If you'll give me a minute to help put
this pyre together, I can also give everybody a

little bit-- help heal a little bit.

LAURA: How about you focus on that, and we'll get
the bodies together?

TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Prayer of Healing
(counting) on everybody but me.

MARISHA: Are we taking a short rest?

SAM: We can do that, too.

TRAVIS: I'd be most appreciative.

TALIESIN: I'll do both. I'm going to cast Prayer
of Healing, and we'll take a short rest.

MATT: There you go.

MARISHA: I'm going to lay down for a minute, get
my ki points back.

TALIESIN: That's 2d8 plus five. Everybody gains 13
hit points.

LAURA: Thank you, Caduceus.

TALIESIN: Take a little bit of the edge off before
you go into a short rest.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Short resting.

MATT: As you take the time to gather your wits
about you, to tend to your wounds, to have

Caduceus help you recover a bit from the strain
and pain of the battle that transpired, you

complete your short rest. The sky is still
relatively dark and cloudy. The smell in the air

lets you know that rain is probable before
nightfall. In the moment, you're thankful that

these heavier, thicker gray cloaks might help you not
soak to the entire bone. What would you like to do?

SAM: Well, since we're in Xhorhas, maybe one of us
should take a cue from these guys and look at the

dodeca-fucking-hedron. Right? Moving forward? Or
should we wait until we need it?

LAURA: Well, we can use it once a day, so one of
us should look at it regardless.

MARISHA: 24 hours, right?

TRAVIS: I might've missed something. Why are we
looking at it once a day?

TALIESIN: So that someone has the edge.

TRAVIS: Are we not afraid that that is a beacon
to us?

LAURA: Well, we can keep it in the bag and look at
it in there. We don't have to take it out or anything.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MARISHA: You want to take a look?

SAM: I don't know if I'll need it, but sure.

MARISHA: It's your husband.

SAM: That's true. I will trip balls
and look at it.

TRAVIS: Yeah! (warping sounds)

MATT: You take your fragment of possibility.

TRAVIS: (singing) It's a star man!

MATT: Placing it back into your satchel.

LAURA: Stays in the bag the whole time. We don't
take it out.

LIAM: Stick your face in the other dimension.

LAURA: Yeah, basically.

SAM: Do we just walk on, then?

TALIESIN: I say we head east. That's the way that
they said.

SAM: Is there any cover out there in the fields
and plains below us?

MATT: There are low batches of scrub brush here
and there. There are areas where sometimes

clusters of rocks and natural boulders that had
either rolled down the mountains or were

jettisoned by long-dormant vulcan activity--
volcanic activity can be seen. Yeah. Not doing

that crossover. No. There are occasional things
that you could camp against, but it is an open,

badland plains. They say "the wastes of Xhorhas"
because it is an open valley of gray and brown and

dust and muck, occasional dotted trees that are
the hardier types that survive, but aren't vibrant

and pretty. They exist.

LIAM: Sorry, if any of you take a minute, can you
figure out which way this worm traveled?

LAURA: Oh, I guess we can look around and see.

MARISHA: I'll look for tracks. Investigation?

TALIESIN: I'll go in on that.

MATT: It'll be a survival check to look for
tracks.

LIAM: Best way through?

TALIESIN: 25. Natural 20.

LAURA: Ooh, 21.

MARISHA: 13.

MATT: Okay. We'll say you guys manage to find
where the slithered aspects of the worm push. It

is definitively going east. It makes its way
beyond the rocks and heads into the fields. We'll

say for the remainder of the day you could follow
the tracks. You'll have to make an additional

attempt, each day of travel, to try and keep an
eye on it, but you have an idea of where it went.

LIAM: We're out in the open; we're sitting ducks.
I feel like we should put these cloaks to good use

and try to be careful. It will slow us, but...

MARISHA: Move cautiously? I agree.

LIAM: Move cautiously. Follow the path of this
worm as long as possible because they are from

here; they know this place. Presumably they know
the path of least resistance. There will still be

resistance, but at least-- let's go.

MARISHA: I think as long as it still follows that
track that the Muck Men--

LAURA: You're sure you want to save him, yeah?

SAM: I'm pretty sure. I don't want to feel guilty
about this, but I'm a hundred percent sure that I

would like to save my husband's life, yes.

(laughter)

SAM: But I'll tell you if that changes.

LAURA: Yeah, let me know.

TALIESIN: When we're ready to go, I'm going to use
the tinder box to start the pyre, but not until

we're ready to go. I'm not going to wait for it to
fully catch because it's going to call attention.

MATT: As you guys gather the rest of your
supplies, pick yourselves up, apply the cloaks of

those that fell in combat--

LAURA: I'll cast Pass Without a Trace on us as we
move.

LIAM: I was just going to ask.

MATT: Are you guys moving at a stealthed pace or
trying to be stealthy at a standard pace?

LIAM: I feel, on the mountainside at least, we
should go stealthily.

TALIESIN: At least today. Tomorrow we may move
quickly.

LAURA: Half speed?

MATT: It's 18 miles per day of travel at a slow
pace. You don't cover as much ground.

SAM: Let's do it.

LIAM: For now, yeah.

LAURA: That's really slow, you guys.

MATT: You can all make stealth checks.

LAURA: (high, silly voice) Add ten!

TRAVIS: Nice job, Yasha. 31 for Yasha. 21 for
Fjord.

LAURA: Caleb, you're blessed.

LIAM: Doesn't matter.

MARISHA: 19.

SAM: 24.

LAURA: Oh. No, you're blessed. You get advantage,
that's what I said. I gave you the Blessing of the Trickster.

LIAM: Oh, I thought it was plus stuff. That's
better. That is 11.

TALIESIN: That's plus ten, really?

LIAM: No, I rolled--

TRAVIS: Pass without a trace.

LIAM: Oh, 21. Thank you.

LAURA: 30.

TALIESIN: 14.

MATT: Okay. Moving on, you eventually, within the
next couple hours, find yourselves at the base of

the mountain. The standard slate gray rock and
stone that has accompanied you across the

Ashkeeper begins to give way to the somewhat ruddy
and brown of the valley floor. The bushes and

brush you come across here is gray to light brown.
Some of it is bristled with thorns. It is a very

unwelcoming landscape. There are areas where you
can see bits of the ground seem to be blasted with

glass. You would recognize this as the remnants of
lightning strikes that have hit the ground or

other objects in the vicinity. Powerful lightning
strikes.

MARISHA: That's scary.

TALIESIN: If storms hit, we may need to take
cover.

MATT: Just as it begins to rain gently.

SAM: Hey, it sounds like rain.

MATT: It's cold rain. Make a nature check for me.

TALIESIN: Five.

MATT: Five. It's raining.

TALIESIN: My nature's really low.

MATT: I know.

SAM: Aren't you a nature guy?

TALIESIN: I spent most of my time in one place. I
don't really--

MATT: There's a difference between loving nature
and being able to empathize with nature, and

having the specific knowledge to ascertain
patterns.

TALIESIN: It's raining.

LIAM: How cold is it here, or not, out of
curiosity?

MATT: In comparison, the weather is as chilly as
the empire is, but you're out in the middle of the

open. There's no looming hearth or home.
Thankfully these cloaks that you did take from the

troop, they are treated with some sort of material
which makes them a little water resistant. You

don't soak entirely through. Your boots get soaked
and muddy. Elements do get damp, but as long as

you stay bundled within the cloak, you manage to
stay somewhat warm and not thoroughly waterlogged.

Continuing on across the badlands, the rain
bearing down, no signs of lightning or thunder.

Eventually the sun begins to set. It begins to
grow dark. Yasha points out across the way, you

can see another one of those large beasts that you
had seen. At this distance, it's about maybe three

quarters of a mile off.

SAM: How big?

MATT: Make an intelligence check.

SAM: A straight intelligence? 14.

MATT: Gauging the distance from here and the way
that it's interacting with the scenery around it,

you watch as it reaches over and puts it hand up
against a tree. You have a better view of it now,

even through the rain, and you can see it has four
arms. It walks like a gorilla, looks to be furred,

with these squat little legs, and it makes its way
across the landscape slowly. It reaches out and

grabs a tree, one of those dried trees, and bends
and snaps it as it moves past. Grabs it and begins

scratching its shoulder with it. You guess it's
probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 feet

to the shoulder.

LIAM: Bipedal, four arms?

MATT: It could probably be bipedal, but it tends
to use all four arms to walk along. You're not

entirely certain where it sits between that space.
You don't see a face. You can't see the detail.

You can see its outline and the basic shape of its
body.

LAURA: I think he's probably nice.

TALIESIN: Do we want to bed down now and start up
early?

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: Sure.

TRAVIS: No objection.

MARISHA: I think any time traveling during the sun
is probably best. I don't know if we want to risk

traveling at night right now.

LAURA: We'll have a little bubble then. It
protects us from everything, right, Caleb?

LIAM: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Okay.

TALIESIN: Probably as dark as you can make it.

LIAM: I can make it dark as pitch. Okay. I'm going
to do the nighttime routine. I'm going to cast the

dome. I'm going to use my silver thread to put an
Alarm around it, and I'm going to ask Frumpkin to

sit about 80 feet, 70 feet away from the dome in
the direction of that hulking creature and keep

extra watch, in addition to any watch we do.

LAURA: While he's doing that, I'm going to cast
Glyph of Warding--

TRAVIS: Really?

LAURA: Mm-hm. And I'm going to cast it with
Hold Person prepared in it.

MATT: Okay, fair enough. Where are you placing
it?

LAURA: Next to our bubble.

MATT: Okay, you got it. That lasts for how long?

LAURA: It takes an hour, but I think it-- let's
see.

SAM: Duration: until dispelled or triggered.

MATT: I would recommend letting the rest of the
party know where the glyph is placed.

LAURA: Yes, yes. The glyph's right there. I think
it only activates under--

MATT: Worst breakfast wake-up ever.

LAURA: According to physical characteristics,
creature kind. I can say specifically if it's--

MATT: A type of creature.

LAURA: Yeah, like a Kryn or something like that.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: "Krin?" "Kreen?"

MATT: "Kreen."

SAM: Crick.

LAURA: No!

TRAVIS: Terrible.

SAM: I'm a fictional racist.

(laughter)

LAURA: Terrible. I can cast--
I can cast Sending.

TALIESIN: Any light-based magic that you have,
too. We should probably set up for tomorrow.

TRAVIS: I'll take first watch, too, because I don't
think everybody passing out is a good idea no more.

MARISHA: I agree.

MATT: As you guys bed down amongst this darkened
dome for the evening, make a perception check for me.

TRAVIS: Natural 20. 21.

MARISHA: Whoa doggy.

LIAM: Before passing out I take one of those rags
that I keep, and I put it over the driftglobe, and

say: Tawaj. Leave it floating in the middle of the
globe so you have some dim light.

MATT: Okay. That does not protrude beyond the
dome, correct?

LIAM: Because it's opaque from the outside, yeah.

MATT: Cool, so you have a little night light.

LAURA: I use Thaumaturgy to make it sound like
nice pleasant sounds of a running stream, so it

sounds like we're in a peaceful place. Birds,
crickets chirping.

MATT: It's a little spa day.

LIAM: The dome does not hold in sound, FYI.

LAURA: Oh, it doesn't?

TALIESIN: Beau, can I borrow your goggles?

LAURA: Oh, never mind. I don't do that.

MARISHA: Can you borrow my what?

TALIESIN: Your goggles.

MARISHA: Oh, yes.

TALISIN: Thank you.

MATT: What did you roll, Fjord?

TRAVIS: Natural 20. 21 total. That big-ass
perception bonus.

MATT: Yeah. As you guys rest for the evening,
Fjord, you do keep an eye out. It's hard to see

much beyond a certain radius because when it's
night here, it's night. The clouds are thick

enough, and it rains throughout the night. You do
not see the moon, either of them. No light. You do

not see any movement. It feels strangely
reminiscent of some of the dreams you've had where

you found yourself in the middle of darkness. That
cold, looming, creeping thought in the back of

your head of how far away you are from your
promised goal to a specific entity.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Nothing seems to catch your attention.
Nothing draws too close to the exterior of this

dome to warrant waking the rest of your group.
Eventually you can find yourself to rest. Who

would like to take second watch? Caduceus, roll
perception.

TALIESIN: 27. Natural 19. With the goggles, just
for fun.

MATT: With the goggles? Same scenario. You can see
pretty well within a short radius, but the rest of

it is this beautiful, pitch-black nothing.

TALIESIN: Oh, that's nice.

MATT: A different interpretation of the same
space. Morning comes to you, the low gray light.

The rain does seem to be getting a bit heavier.
You're preparing yourselves for exiting as the

dome itself eventually gives way.

[music cuts off]

TALIESIN: That was creepy.

LAURA: Whoa, that was weird.

MATT: That was my iPad getting a notification.

TALIESIN: The spookiness of Valentine's Day.

(laughter)

TRAVIS: Any new creatures or intrusions in our
immediate space with the coming light?

SAM: Did the glyph fire or anything?

MATT: The glyph did not fire off.

MARISHA: Is your cat still alive?

LIAM: Ja.

MATT: The bad news is you're out in the middle of
an open field. The good news is... you're out in

the middle of an open field.

TRAVIS: You can see it coming.

MATT: Yeah. For the most part, it's going to be
hard for things to surprise you if you're being

slow and stealthy. For the most part. With the day
ahead of you, who's keeping watch?

TALIESIN: I'm keeping an eye out.

MATT: All right, so you're keeping an eye out?
Both of you?

LAURA: I'll help him! Oh, never mind. You can help
him.

MATT: Okay, you guys rolling individually?

TALIESIN: I'll take advantage on this.

TRAVIS: Now that we are on the open plains, should
we move at the slightly quicker pace, but still stealthy?

SAM: At a medium pace?

MATT, MARISHA, and TALIESIN: (singing) At a medium
pace.

TALIESIN: That's awful. That's an 11.

MATT: Okay. Good to know.

TALIESIN: Those were two terrible rolls.

LAURA: Ooh! Somebody should look at our mote.
Somebody should have looked at our mote while we

were still in the thingy.

SAM: Someone take a look. I looked at it
yesterday.

TRAVIS: We're out in the middle of a field; let's
give it to Ducey.

MATT: You take your mote of possibility.

LIAM: I'm fighting a very miffed and wet cat who's
been out all night and is crawling up inside of my

cloak and hood and doing the scarf thing. It's wet
on my neck, but okay.

MATT: You all bundle up your cloaks a little
heavier and trudge forward. You are going at a

normal pace, so everyone make
a stealth check again.

TALIESIN: Are we doing a plus ten?

MATT: Are you still casting Pass Without a Trace
on this?

LAURA: Yeah, sure. Let's do it. Sorry, I'm healing
my blink dog.

TRAVIS: Natural 20 for Fjord, 31, and 27 for
Yasha.

MARISHA: 25.

LIAM: 28.

SAM: 40.

MATT: (sighs) There it is.

LAURA: 28.

TALIESIN: 23. 22, sorry.

MATT: Moving at normal pace, you feel pretty
stealthy. It's easier for things to see you at a

normal pace, but you all rolled pretty high.
Pushing on for this secondary day, you begin to

see, eventually, a river on the horizon, heading
from south to north. Yasha--

LAURA: This is the river that we have to cross!

MATT: Yasha points out and says, "This is known as
the Ifolon River."

SAM: The Hifolon?

MATT: Ifolon. "Stems from the Sorrow Weep waters,
the lake to the south."

Sorrowseep.

LAURA: That's the lake.

MARISHA: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: We're at the edge of the map.

MARISHA: Edge of the map!

SAM: Oh boy, this is scary, guys. If only we had a
fucking horse.

MARISHA: Is that Ifolon with an I?

MATT: With an I. I-F-O-L-O-N.

LIAM: I fell on the river and all I got was this
lousy t-shirt.

MATT: No matter what name.

TALIESIN: How's the water smell? Does it smell
putrid?

MATT: You are too far away from it. It's just on
the horizon. You could get to it probably at your

current pace by the end of the day. If you were
moving slower, you wouldn't get there yet, because

you are going a normal pace. And you rolled--?

TALIESIN: 11.

MATT: Right, okay. You move on for the first half
of the day, keeping quiet, muttering to each other

for your own sanity, discussing what may be
awaiting you further and further east in this

landscape still heavily marred by the wars of the
gods before the Divergence. There's a moment where

you're all moving forward and you hear gravelly
voices, muffled and soft, a little ways out that

way. The rest of you pick up on it. Actually, it
would be Jester and Beauregard pick up on it.

LAURA: (whispering) Oh, did you hear that?

MARISHA: (whispering) Was that you?

LAURA: No, there's people or something.

MARISHA: It's not your Thaumaturgy thing?

LAURA: No.

MARISHA: Fuck.

LAURA: Everybody drop down.

TRAVIS: What do you mean drop down, like flat?

LAURA: We hear voices!

MATT: You hear one go (speaking guttural language).

LIAM: I cast Tongues.

MATT: Another voice begins to yell. You cast
Tongues on yourself? All right. You hear it

transition from guttural barks in a goblinoid
language into a-- and actually, let me double

check one thing here.

SAM: I speak Goblin. And Halfling, for some
reason.

MATT: Yeah, you would understand it, actually.

LAURA: What do they say?

MATT: The voice you hear says, "Quick, grab your
things and run. It's coming!"

SAM: Everyone, the bad guys are saying it's scary and
they need to run, so we should probably do the same.

MATT: As this is happening, you now begin to see,
lower near one of the plain areas where there's a

cluster of rocks, a gray, heavy-shouldered deer--
that you've seen keep at a distance from you-- has

been killed. You see four or five humanoid
figures, though tall and covered in fur. You

recognize them as bugbears. They're grabbing their
things off the ground, and looking back in the

direction you came from.

LIAM: Which is back where we saw the big things.

SAM: Oh, something's behind us!

TRAVIS: Like the worm or something?

SAM: I don't know, but let's go. Let's run.

LIAM: Turning around and looking back. No, the big
loping creatures we saw at a distance, maybe.

MATT: Though all of you look around and you don't
see anything on the horizon directly behind you,

Caduceus. You look out for a second, and look up
and see a hawk or a bird of prey, it seems, with

the wingspan. And it just gets bigger, and bigger.
You guys all glance up, and from what you can see,

it appears to be some sort of a bird, not in good
health. A lot of the feathers have been pulled or

plucked from its body and other elements of it are
discolored and dark. As it begins to swoop into a

dive, you get a sense of the immensity of it.
You're like, "That's a 20-foot-- 30-foot-- that's

"a 40-foot wingspan, or bigger." At which point,
the bugbears pick up and bolt. They begin running,

heading eastward in the same direction you were;
they're about 120 feet north of where you are.

They begin charging in that direction. The rain's
still battering down; you can still make out,

barely, the shape of it. It swoops down, parallel
to where you guys are, giant talons reach out and

grasp into one of the bodies and pulls it up. You
hear the bugbear screaming as the talons tear it

in half in its grasp. As it picks up into the air,
it brings one half of its body up into its beak

and begin to slurp it down into its large,
sharpened maw. It picks up the other piece of its

body. It begins to draw and pull out. You see some
of its innards still tangled in the claw, yanked

out the rest as the legs fall and plummet to the
ground. They keep shouting, "Run! Run!" and

they're charging. What are you guys doing?

SAM: Where are they running? To the river?

MATT: They are running towards the river.

MARISHA: Let them be the bait.

SAM: Does the creature see us at all?

MATT: You don't know.

LAURA: There's no grass, it's just an open plain?

MARISHA: Yeah, is there any rock coverage?

MATT: There's a ways from you right now, maybe 200
feet ahead of you, a little bit of rock. Yes.

Right now, there are bits of dried-- I want to say
grass, that go about a foot off the ground.

MARISHA: How far away is the river?

MATT: The river's probably another three hours of
travel.

MARISHA: Oh. Oh, okay.

LAURA: We could lay down and try to hide in the
grass.

SAM: Sure. Let's do it.

LAURA: With our cloaks over us?

MATT: You can certainly try.

TRAVIS: I'm going to cast Major Image and create a
large hairy mastodon and send it in the direction

of the bugbears, away from us.

MATT: Okay. What's the DC on that one?

TRAVIS: Major Image?

MATT: Oh no, it's not even a saving throw. It has
to try to see if it can discern it. Right, okay.

TRAVIS: Against your spell save DC, so it's 16.

MATT: 16? You got it, all right. As it picks up
and they're screaming, it gets up maybe another 80

or 90 feet off the ground. After picking it up and
coasting above, it climbs another 150 feet or so

up in the air. Glances down, its head turns
towards the direction of the mastodon that you've

created, goes into another dive towards it, claws
open. You hear the birdlike shriek as it swoops in

and passes through this mastodon. Angry, it pulls
back up, its feet skidding into the mud, carving

these giant grooves into the ground ahead of it.
It rights itself and picks back up and begins to

turn around to make a second turn towards it. Are
you guys staying put? Are you moving?

TRAVIS: We are hauling ass, right? No, we're
laying flat.

LAURA: We're laying flat!

TRAVIS: Okay, we are laying flat. Sure.

MATT: Okay. you guys all lay flat.

LAURA: Yeah, I'm picturing the hobbits in Mordor.

MATT: You have to roll a new stealth check,
because you did cast a spell.

TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. 18?

LIAM: Plus ten?

MATT: Well, how long does Pass Without a Trace
last?

LAURA: Oh yeah, I didn't say I recast it. It lasts
for an hour.

MATT: Lasts for an hour?

LAURA: Oh wait, let me check, it might only be ten
minutes. No, I think it's an hour.

MATT: I think it's an hour too. Double check.

LAURA: Yeah, its an hour.

MATT: It's been a few hours. Have you been casting
it along the way?

LAURA: Yes?

MATT: How many spell slots do you have
to cast it?

LAURA: Three.

MATT: Three? You wouldn't have enough to keep it
at this point, unfortunately. So it is just a

straight stealth roll for you.

TRAVIS: 18.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: I'll also cast a spell. I'll cast Silent
Image and make another mastodon, running the

opposite direction.

MATT: (laughing) Okay. For the rest of you who are
stealthing, because the spell did wear off, I do

need new stealth checks from everybody to try and
keep away from its sight, and see if its

distraction maintains itself.

TALIESIN: Ooh. 18.

LAURA: 15.

SAM: 30.

LIAM: 14.

MARISHA: 20.

MATT: Okay. It swoops up. The rest of you jump
down and get low, as far as you can to the ground,

and getting the rest of the cloak bundled over.
The bugbears keep running. It curves around, sees

the other mastodon. Does not seem tempted by that
one. That was a natural 20. As it spins back,

however, still focused on the one, swoops down,
and this time it's going to go into a full

assault, not trying to pick it up and leave with
it. It's going to come down, claws ready. It

passes through, its talons slipping into the mud
now. The rain that has been barreling down has

caused this to become a minor quagmire. It skids
for a second, its massive bird form scooting in

through, driving this huge wedge into the ground
as it stumbles for a minute and stops. It spins

around angrily, looking at it. It steps forward
and brings its talon up and bites towards it, and

it's passing through the mastodon. It's not even
interested in yours.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: But it does give time for the bugbears to
continue to escape. You guys are held in place there.

It does turn and look in your direction a
little bit.

TRAVIS: I'm going to hold that spell.

MATT: It just (sniffs). It definitely knows the
mastodon's not real now.

TRAVIS: Uh-huh. Sure, sure. That's what it says.

(wings flapping)

MATT: It takes back off up in the air. Seeing it
now amongst the ground, its wingspan probably fits

more in the 60-foot tip-to-tip range.

SAM: Ooh.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Amazing.

MARISHA: 747.

TRAVIS: If it comes close to us, if it looks like
it has spotted us, I'm going to hold a spell.

LIAM: I'm going to do the same.

MATT: It swoops around, looks.

LAURA: I'm going to hold Guiding Bolt, just in
case.

MARISHA: I'm going to pray.

MATT: To?

MARISHA: Ioun, of course.

MATT: Okay. It takes a moment to pass through the
field, and looks back towards the bugbears, and

takes off in their direction.

LAURA: Hey, it's good. Now it's farther from us.

SAM: Can one of you control it and tell it to fly
us to the town?

TALIESIN: I can politely ask it.

TRAVIS: I have Charm Monster.

LAURA: Oh, you do?

SAM: You could!

TRAVIS: Yeah, but if I fail. I get ripped into
pieces! A hundred and something feet in the air!

LAURA: We would definitely protect you, Fjord.

TRAVIS: Huh?

LAURA: We would protect you.

TRAVIS: Against Rodan? I'm not so sure. What is
that, anyway?

MATT: It's a roc.

LIAM: It's a roc, man. From season one?

MATT: It's not a healthy roc; it's a Xhorhasian
roc. It's a different breed.

TRAVIS: It's a different kind of roc.

MARISHA: Alt-roc. Sorry.

TALIESIN: That was so good!

MARISHA: That was dumb.

MATT: The good kind of dumb. You get points for
that. You watch as it takes off in the distance,

and you can vaguely hear the muffled screams as
this hunting party of bugbears are probably torn

asunder. It's hard to miss. Its shape dives down a
few times before eventually it takes off back in

the direction it came and glides overhead: this
massive, airplane-like shadow across the clouded

sky above you. You all stay still, and it
continues heading back towards the Ashkeeper

Peaks. You can just barely make out, in its claws
below, one bugbear per claw.

LAURA: Double-fisting!

SAM: Those are my people.

LAURA: What?

SAM: Nah, I'm just kidding. Fuck those guys.

LAURA: Who were those? What are those guys?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Do we know what those are?

TRAVIS: A bugbear? Didn't we fight them in the
first encounter?

MATT: No.

TRAVIS: No, those were gnolls.

MATT: You've never really encountered bugbears per
se, not since you've all been together, but you've

heard of them. They're cousins to goblinkin.
They're generally more of a bully-- in between the

ogre and goblin spectrum.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Yeah, they're physical. They like brutality
and combat, but they're also kind of lazy and like

to put in as little effort as possible, if they
can make other goblins do it for them, and other

entities. They're interesting.

TRAVIS: Probably not terribly well-stocked, not
worth going to where they were picked up from, and--

MATT: You don't know.

LAURA: We should maybe just check.

SAM: How many of the bugbears were there?

TRAVIS: Four?

MATT: You saw four in the party.

SAM: Two, we know, were killed.

LAURA: Taken away.

TALIESIN: I think all four were--

LAURA: Are dead.

TRAVIS: I think he said they were all
eviscerated, yeah? How far away was

the first slaughter spot of them from us?

MATT: From where you guys are right now, it's
about a little over a hundred feet.

TRAVIS: Maybe we don't need to do that. Maybe we
don't. Cover is--

TALIESIN: It's going to do nothing but attract
other scavengers anyway.

LIAM: We were waiting and watching the roc until
it moves on, ja?

LAURA: And it has, so let's go.

TRAVIS: Yeah, let's keep going.

TALIESIN: How often do you see anything like
that?

LAURA: That was pretty amazing.

TRAVIS: Yeah, never.

MATT: You continue on forward, about 30 minutes of
travel, carefully, slowly. You come upon the

remnants of the bugbears that were picked up in
the claws. You can see the areas where they were

scattered a bit, and what was gathered for the
creature to rush off with.

TRAVIS: Oh, ugh.

LIAM: That is gruesome.

LAURA: Zoinks.

MATT: There is one bugbear that is untouched, it
seems, but still on the ground.

LAURA: Dead? Or just laying there?

MATT: It's laying there.

MARISHA: But playing dead?

SAM: Let's throw something at it.

MATT: You get the sense that it is still alive.
You can just, looking over in that direction,

see the breathing a bit. It looks like it's
been playing dead for a half an hour.

TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I think he's fine. We can keep
moving.

LAURA: We'll just keep an eye on him as we keep
walking by. I'll use Thaumaturgy and make it sound

like that bird is coming back.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Wow, that's great.

SAM: If you want, I can talk to him
if we want any information?

LAURA: I mean, maybe?

SAM and TRAVIS: Do we?

SAM: I don't know, what could we
learn from this thing?

LIAM: I don't think he is a threat to us, so it
couldn't hurt.

LAURA: I mean, he might...

TRAVIS: Are there more of them nearby, where did
you come from, have you seen a giant purple worm?

LIAM: How do you cross this river?

SAM: Sure.

TRAVIS: Where do you cross?

SAM: Okay. Yeah, let's go chat up the bugbear.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Hello? Sleepy bear? We won't hurt you
if you wake up.

MATT: No response.

SAM: We've got a pot of honey.

LIAM: Ja, Huggy Bear, we can see you. Let's
talk. Still have Tongues up, it's an hour.

LAURA: You guys are speaking in Goblin?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Yep. You see one of the eyes kind of creep open.

TRAVIS: Nap time.

LIAM: Ja. Peekaboo, we see you.

SAM: No more hibernate-y.

MATT: You see the hand go for
the side of its belt.

SAM: No, no! We mean you no harm. No fight.

LIAM: We could, but we don't mean to.

MATT: Make a persuasion check.

LIAM: That's cocked.

MATT: Yeah, it's cocked.

LAURA: Because you've got so many fucking dice on
your tray! You've got to sort them out.

LIAM: What the fuck are you talking about?!

LAURA: You've got to sort them out so you have
room to roll!

LIAM: I did at the top of the game. Persuasion?
That is a 20.

SAM: That's true; you have two by three inches of
rolling space there.

LIAM: That's all you need.

MATT: The hand that was brushing towards the belt
instead reaches out and plants itself in the mud,

and then does a push-up into a sitting position,
with the mud all caked into the fur on one side of

the face. The rest of the fur is matted from the
rain. Sits up. "You mean no harm?"

SAM: No fighting. Sorry about your friends, or
family.

MATT: "Well, that is life in the wastes."

SAM: We're just passing through. We're not trying
to start anything, we just need some directions.

If you could help us, maybe we can
give you some food.

LAURA: Ask him if he wants a tattoo.

SAM: I won't lead with that.

LIAM: You would want to shave him first?

LAURA: Sure.

SAM: Yasha's good at that.

MATT: He scoots back in the mud and starts
trying to stand up a little bit.

SAM: No, no.

LIAM: No, we are not going to hurt you. We
could, really, just destroy you, but we have no

desire to do that. We just want some information,
because you live here and we want to pass. You see

that river over there? We are hoping to get to the
other side of it.

MATT: "I don't live here."

LIAM: Where do you live?

MATT: "There," and points in the direction, past
the river but a little bit northeast.

SAM: Oh! How do you get to the-- do you live on
the other side of the river?

MATT: "Yeah."

SAM: How do you get to the other side of the
river?

MATT: "Swim."

SAM: Is it a hard swim?

MATT: "Yeah."

TRAVIS: This guy is valuable!

SAM: Do you think we could do it, or no?

MATT: "Maybe."

TRAVIS: Maybe!

LIAM: I see that look in your eye. Is there a best
place to cross the river, that you use?

SAM: Yeah, a place where it, I guess,
widens out, so it'd be less--

LAURA: No, no.

TRAVIS: Shallow, more shallow.

LAURA: More shallow.

SAM: Shallow? I don't know how water works.

TALIESIN: That's true.

MATT: "There are a few places where the
river's not quite as bad, yes."

LIAM: Well?

SAM: Where are those places? We have food!

TALIESIN: I was going to say, if you can show us
where that is and we can get across, once--

LAURA: He can't understand you.

TALIESIN: Well, yeah, but I can say this--

SAM: Is what I translate to him, yes.

TALIESIN: We could--

MATT: Actually, he turns to you and
responds in broken Common.

LAURA: Oh, shit.

TALIESIN: Well, that's convenient. If you can help
us get across, I can give you some food, and if

you need any healing after what just happened.

LAURA: And a tattoo!

TALIESIN: The tattoo's optional.

LAURA: It's pretty cool.

TALIESIN: They are pretty cool, but it's
optional.

MATT: "I can show you across the river. But--"

MARISHA: Can I ride you across the river?

TALIESIN: Are we making this weird?

MARISHA: Do you float, can I ride like a raft?

MATT: "I can float, yes."

MARISHA: Have you ever ridden a person
across the river?

TRAVIS: Have you?

MATT: "Not since I was a tiny bear, but--"

MARISHA: What? You have a bad back?

SAM: No, he said not since he was a tiny bugbear.
This feels like a "Scorpion and the Tortoise" sort

of thing, but are you the scorpion?

MARISHA: I'm always the scorpion.

MATT: "You're not from around here, are you?"

TRAVIS: Nope.

MARISHA: Do we look like tourists?

MATT: "Very much."

LAURA: Is it our fanny packs?

MARISHA: Is it our matching cloaks?

MATT: "The bright pink one you wear around your
waist?"

MARISHA: We do have "Xhorhas or bust" on the back
of our cloaks, that might give it away.

SAM: What is your name?

MATT: "My name is Gluzzo."

SAM: Bluza?

MATT: "Gluzzo."

ALL: Gluzzo.

LIAM: So this big bird that has killed your
friends, your family: are there a lot of those?

MATT: "Not usually this far out from the
mountains. There's some that are to the eastern

"range, by the Penumbra Range, and there's
some at the Ashkeepers."

LIAM: So they become less of an issue in your neck
of the woods, ja?

MATT: "Yeah. They don't go too far into the
valley, but we were trying to go further in."

LAURA: Why?

MATT: "They're paying us to. Well, they were
paying us to bring food back for the armies."

LAURA: Oh.

LIAM: You've been hired by--

TRAVIS: The Empire?

LIAM: No.

LAURA: The bad guys.

TRAVIS: The Kryn.

LIAM: No. The Kryn?

MATT: "Dynasty, yes."

LIAM: Ja.

MARISHA: The Dynasty.

MATT: "They--"

LIAM: Ja, the Kryn Dynasty.

MATT: He catches himself. There's a look of
mistrust across his face. This may not be the most

intelligent creature, but suddenly, he's like...

SAM: Give him food, give him something. Do we have
something? Give him something.

LAURA: Yeah, here's some of the food I took from
the guys. Here.

SAM: You can trust us.

LAURA: Do you like this? Rations?

MATT: The bugbear's probably close to Caduceus'
size, though it's sitting. It doesn't look as big

at this point, but as it reaches out and grabs it,
its big, furred, clawed hand completely envelops

yours and pulls the food out. It almost scratches
the palm a little bit.

LAURA: Ow. Like one of those kangaroos when you
feed them and they go (errk).

TRAVIS: They got big-ass claws on them.

MATT: (loud chewing and smacking) "So are you
going to kill me, or are you going to let me go,

"or am I going to my city? What do you
want from me?"

LAURA: We just want you to help us
get across the river.

SAM: And to your city, if your city is eastward?

MARISHA: I'm really curious of how buoyant
you are.

MATT: "I live in the--"

LAURA: No, he's not from-- Are you from Ghor
Dranas?

MATT: "No, no. I'm from Asarius."

LIAM: How far off from Ghor Dranas is that, do you
know?

MATT: "It's on the way. Sort of. I've not been to
Ghor Dranas. Asarius is the City of Beasts."

LAURA: Whoa.

LIAM: City of Beasts.

MATT: "The guy that hired us isn't the nicest, but
he pays well."

SAM: What did he hire you to do?

MARISHA and TRAVIS: Gather food.

MATT: "It's a meat and feed company. It's run by a
super smart ogre man, Baron Visco. Kind of a douche."

TRAVIS: Baron Visco?

LIAM: Well, Gluzzo, can you lead us, you think? We
have more food we can share with you. Can you lead

us to the safest place to cross your river?

MATT: "I'll show you. Come on." He gets up and
stands. Now, seeing him close up, it's

interesting: wide shoulders, but rail-thin,
furred, gaunt body. You can't tell because of the

fur if it's malnourished or it's just designed to
be a runner, and is just a very thin, muscular

frame. Gathered by the fact it was a hunting party
that wasn't expecting a roc, they're probably used

to running and hunting out in these open fields
fairly often. So hard to tell one way or the

other. Gluzzo continues to walk forward and keeps
checking over his shoulder towards you, with a

look of waiting for the moment when someone shoots
him in the base of the skull. He keeps walking,

and keeps walking. Do you guys follow?

ALL: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: But keeping an eye out in case we get
ambushed.

TALIESIN: He seems all right, though?

MATT: He seems to be in a position where he
doesn't have a choice; and just watched his

hunting party get demolished.

TALIESIN: All right. He's not thinking about
anything funny, though.

MATT: Make an insight check.

TALIESIN: 24.

MATT: At the moment, seems less interested in trying
to cross you and just survive and get back home.

TRAVIS: Smart.

TALIESIN: Well, when we find the place, we can all
help each other cross the river, go our separate

ways. Fill your belly, at least, before you go.

MATT: Continues on, quietly. A few hours of travel
in the heavy rain, you begin to come upon the

river itself. The banks are extremely muddy, with
a black, deep brown, bits of red mud to it, and

even a hundred feet out from the bank the typical
muddy walk you've had here through the wastes

becomes very (sucking squelching). You find your
boots being tugged at and almost pulled off at

times, and as you get right up towards the river,
it's not a rushing river, but it is moving with

expediency, especially with the recent rains. The
mud sinks up to mid-calf with each step. Gluzzo

begins to walk along the sides, trying to remember
which point is the best for entry. At times, the

river's between anywhere from 30 to 50 feet wide,
so it's a fairly wide river. At some points, it

pushes into the 20-25 and that's where Gluzzo leads
you to that section and goes, "This is probably

"the best place in the region. We can go further
south if you want, but this could work."

SAM: Will you go first, or should we go first?

MATT: "I can go first if you-- I'm going there
anyway."

TALIESIN: You can also--

SAM: I'll be fine, but do you guys want to tie a
rope around this fellow?

TALIESIN: I was going to say, we can tie a rope
around you and then you could secure at the other

side of the--

LIAM: It would be easier to get across.

SAM: Oh, yeah. I'll do that.

TRAVIS: There's also several of us that can, you
know, mess with water.

SAM: Ah. Fjord, that's your very special power
that only you have.

LAURA: Honestly, I don't have it prepared, Fjord,
so you are very special right now.

TRAVIS: I hate her.

TALIESIN: We can make a rope tether, though, if we
have to.

SAM: Would you like to use your very special
power, or should I just carry a rope across?

TRAVIS: I kill Nott.

(laughter)

MATT: As you guys are having this conversation,
Gluzzo seems to have dropped onto his knees and

bowed his head quietly for a moment and is holding
something in his hand.

LAURA: What's going on? Are you praying?

MATT: He stays quiet for a minute. Opens his eyes
again and you see glimmers of a chain lost in fur

as he tucks something under his fur.

LAURA: Is he naked?

MATT: You can see a breastplate and some bracers
and some boots-- actually, no boots on him.

Just his large, furred feet. Mostly lower-half
naked; but it's mostly fur in the area.

LAURA and MARISHA: He's shirt cocking?

MATT: Armor cocking, technically.

LIAM: And he just hid the medallion in his own
Robert Guccione mass of chest hair?

MATT: Yes.

LIAM: Okay.

LAURA: Who were you praying to?

MATT: "To the Light."

SAM: Who?

MARISHA: Goliath?

MATT: "The Light."

LAURA, SAM, and MARISHA: The Light.

MATT: Stands up and begins to wade out into the
water. He's swimming and fighting the stream.

LAURA: Go, Nott. Unless Fjord--?

SAM: I'm going to tag along. Fjord, do you want to
do anything?

TRAVIS: Not me.

TALIESIN: I've got the rope. I'm holding one end of
the rope if you're going to hold the other.

LAURA: Yeah, go.

SAM: Okay. I'll take the rope across.

MATT: Okay. Gluzzo, surprisingly strong. Fights the
current; even though it moves along, he manages to

still make his way across. Big armfuls of water,
breaststroke style. He makes it across at an angle

and eventually stands up amongst the muck on the
opposite end.

TALIESIN: Let's tack them down if we can.

LAURA: Yes, is there anything to tie off the--

TALIESIN: Don't we have some spikes?

LAURA: In the mud? I think it would come undone.

MATT: In the immediate vicinity, there's nothing
to really tie it to. What few rocks are there are,

are small enough to the point that it would just
be pulled out with any--

TALIESIN: Well, at the very least we can have
strong people hold the ropes on either side.

LAURA: Maybe Gluzzo can hold the rope
on the other side.

SAM: I don't know how this works, but I'm going
to try to walk across the super-fast-moving

current of water.

MATT: And you do. You run across; and as you do,
it's like running sideways on the moving pathways

in an airport. Moving forward, but you're watching
your entire perspective shift down that way. It

gets a bit bumpy at times as your feet hit where
parts of the water are cresting and hitting stones

or whitewater is starting to splash, so it's a little
uneven. It's an interesting sensation, but

eventually you run across.

SAM: Hey, made it.

MATT: Gluzzo is on the other side like, (whew).

SAM: Gluzzo, do you mind holding this end of the
rope so that my friends can join us?

MATT: Grabs the end of the rope and wraps it
around the forearm and holds it there.

SAM: All right everyone. Come across!

TRAVIS: Good job, Nott! I'll use Control Water to
part the river for a hundred feet in either

direction and create a nice line of dry land to the other
side.

MATT: All right. You watch as the river parts and
halts itself there. The flow of the river suspended

for the time being and you can now see the muddy
walkway that is the base of the river. Dozens and

dozens of smooth river stones cluster in the bottom
and you can see protruding roots of other leaves

and bushes that were washed in and sunk down
and stuck in the muck, but it is traversable.

TALIESIN: Are there any particularly attractive
river stones down there?

MATT: There's a few.

TALIESIN: I'm going to pick a couple up when I
walk across.

MATT: You gather a couple of
pretty river stones.

LIAM: How much time do we have to cross this?

TRAVIS: Ten minutes.

LIAM: That's good. I'm going to start walking.

TRAVIS: Ten long minutes.

SAM: Keep going, everyone! I'm here in case his
magic fails.

MATT: You guys all make your way across and Gluzzo
sits there staring at you, Nott, looks at the rope

and goes, "Do I have to keep holding onto this?"

SAM: No, it was just a back up. Our leader, Caleb, made
sure that Fjord controlled the water so we're okay.

LIAM: Caleb, to humor Nott, has used the rope the
whole way, walking along.

SAM: Thank you so much.

TALIESIN: I also think I'm going to poke my head
in the river in one of the walls just to see

what's happening on the other side of it.

MATT: Okay. Roll-- no, I'm kidding.

TRAVIS: (splashing) Really?!

MATT: It's very cold water. It is murky, but not
unpleasant. You glance in and you think you catch

a glimmer of what might have been a fish swimming
along in it, but there's so little light here

amongst the darkened clouds and the storm above
that you see it and it's gone and you're not even

sure if your brain made it up.

TALIESIN: That's great. All right, fair enough.

MATT: You make your way across the river. Gluzzo
tosses the rope back to you and turns around and

starts making the walk continuously. There's
unique balance between wanting to help to survive

and not be killed by you, and also seemingly really put
out by anything you ask him to do.

SAM: This is a common refrain from anyone we've
ever met.

MATT: Yeah, but usually you've earned it. This is
right off the bat.

TALIESIN: I feel like we owe him a bag of food
at least.

LIAM: Yeah, can we give him some more?
Or give him a taste?

TALIESIN: We'll give him one of the ration kits.

LIAM: This is how you know we are not going to
kill you, because we would not be dumping our food

into you before we-- we're not fattening you up
for-- you know.

TALIESIN: I feel like you really let that trail
on.

LAURA: Are we just going to let him go, then?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: How much further is Ghor Dranas?
How many days' walk?

MATT: "Ghor Dranas from here? From Asarius is
maybe, at a pretty fast speed, about two weeks?"

TALIESIN: Yeah, no.

SAM: Are there any beasts of burden that we could
rent?

MATT: "Maybe in Asarius."

SAM: Maybe we should make a stop.

LAURA: Do you think if we go there, people are
going to kill us right away?

LIAM: That's a fair bet.

TRAVIS: You said a city of beasts, didn't you?

MATT: "Yes. Well, are you with the Empire?"

SAM and LAURA: No.

TALIESIN: Mostly unaffiliated.

LAURA: No. We're just hanging out. We like it
here.

MATT: "(sighs) I mean, you would probably be okay.
You'll probably be okay. You'll probably be okay."

SAM: What about the tall woman?

MATT: "You might be okay." Looks to Yasha, Beau,
and Caduceus. "We do have humans that do come

"through, but they're usually-- well, they're
pretty well-connected with the Dynasty."

TRAVIS: We are totally going into this city now.

SAM: We can do some crafty disguises.

MARISHA: I don't know. You can do the crafty
disguise on yourself, right, Nott?

SAM: I can, yes, but I won't need to.

MARISHA: Can I borrow your armor? Your glamour?

SAM: It'll change what you're wearing.

LIAM: That's a start, you could make some of that
insect-like armor, hmm?

MARISHA: The glamour armor?

SAM: You could change what it looks like.

LAURA and MARISHA: Just the clothes.

LIAM: Have you used it to put a hat on yourself?
Could you make one of those insect-like helmets?

SAM: I have not tried that.

LAURA: Or any helmet, really.

SAM: We could-- hmm, nope. Caleb can
disguise himself.

MARISHA: So can literally everybody else
in our party.

LAURA: No, I pull out that ugly mask that I
bought. You could put this on!

SAM: What's that? What is it?

LAURA: The mask that I bought, remember?

MATT: It's a metallic, angry, monster scowl mask.

MARISHA: No, this feels weird.

LAURA: Hey! Would that look like it
fits in better?

MATT: "Maybe a little bit. I mean, I'm going to be
honest. We're in a wartime, so if they're not

"familiar with you, and you don't convince them
well, probably going to kill you."

SAM: But we're with you! And you'll vouch for us.

TRAVIS: Also, we don't all need to go into the
city if we're just acquiring transport, right?

SAM: That's true. We could just send in a party.

LIAM: How far off is your city? This City of
Beasts.

MATT: "It could go partway into the night and maybe
get there a little after halfway through the night.

"Otherwise, tomorrow morning."

LIAM: That's not too long. I don't know if I like
the idea of diverting just to get some creatures

to ride, but that is not long at all.

TRAVIS: I don't think it's too bad.
We should do it.

SAM: So some of us go into town and try to get a
wagon.

TRAVIS: The rest will stay just outside.

LAURA: Okay, but I'm going to point out the fact
that those other people that we talked to that

were definitely also not with the Empire totally
said that the best way to travel was on foot

because if you were on any kind of animal, you
would attract more attention.

TALIESIN: That's fair.

SAM: Is that true? Is riding something bad news
around here?

LAURA: I mean, it'll be easier to see us.

MATT: "If you can go faster than what you're
trying to avoid, you might be okay, but otherwise,

"you know." He points back towards where the roc
was.

TALIESIN: Roc's pretty fast.

MATT: "But the rocs don't usually come this close
to center of the valley."

LAURA: That's true.

TRAVIS: We're talking about two weeks on foot,
though, and we're going to be walking forever.

SAM: Let's get some horses.

TRAVIS: At least we'll get into the city. If there
aren't any horses or anything that makes sense,

then we'll skip it. No carts. None of that shit.
Lead on. We'll stop short. You don't need to walk

us into your own city. Just get us close to
the outskirts. That would be good enough.

MATT: "Do you have any money?"

MARISHA: I was about to ask that. What currency?

MATT: "It's somewhat bartering, but gold is always
useful. There is trade that is done outside of Xhorhas."

TALIESIN: We have lots of things.

TRAVIS: We have gold.

MATT: "Gold, I think, is useful to the Kryn, so
could you help me with some gold?"

SAM: Oh yeah. Sure.

TRAVIS: Here, I'll flick him a gold.

SAM: A gold.

TRAVIS: Yep.

SAM: A gold.

TRAVIS: If you get us there, might be more of
that.

MATT: "Okay."

LAURA: I'll give him a gold as well. If you want
a tattoo, I'll give you another.

MATT: "Okay."

(laughter)

LAURA: Sweet. I'm going to shave--

LIAM, TRAVIS, and SAM: Yasha.

TALIESIN: Let's do this when we camp. You can,
once we set up camp.

LIAM: Serious Skyrim Jarl vibes from this
bugbear.

MATT: Don't get this dialect too often
outside of Skyrim these days.

Are you pressing through the night or
are you bedding down for the evening?

TRAVIS: We're bedding down for the evening, but
it depends on the terrain outside of the city.

If it's more flat plains, then--

MATT: It's all flat plains here, man.

TRAVIS: We'll stop well shy of the city then. As
soon as it's just barely visible, we'll stop out there.

MATT: Okay. As nightfall hits and a few more hours
pushing on, the weather, the exhaustion, it all

starts to get to you and you feel the need to bed
down pretty soon without pushing yourself beyond

a comfortable boundary. You begin to set up your
space, and Gluzzo rakes a bit of the ground open

and creates a small sleeping convex hole
to curl into.

MARISHA: That's so cute.

MATT: But nevertheless, you bed down
for the evening.

LIAM: I feel like I should pop the dome around him
so that when we stay up to watch, he's not going

to run off in the middle of the night.

SAM: We are so trusting. Look at us! We meet
friends wherever we go. We met a monster and

made him our friend. We're good people.

MARISHA: Are you trying to convince us or you?

SAM: No! I'm just saying we should take a moment
to realize people like us.

TALIESIN: I'm proud of you, if that helps.
I'm proud of everybody.

MARISHA: We might have been partially responsible
for getting all the Muck Men killed, but--

LAURA: (shushing)

TRAVIS: Well, we kept more of them from
getting killed, I think is also important.

Jester, what do you need to complete this tattoo?

LAURA: Just him shaved. That is it. Where
would you like a tattoo, sir?

MATT: Looks around his body.

MARISHA: Go for the neck.

LAURA: Remember, you will be bald there for some
time. Somewhere that the hair doesn't grow very

thick would be good.

MARISHA: Just around under the ear.

MATT: Points to the side of the chest.

LAURA: That's good. That's a trendy spot.

LIAM: Do you first use your window opener to make
a bit of (accented) lather?

LAURA: My window opener?

LIAM: Your spell. You open all the windows.

LAURA: Thaumaturgy?

LIAM: Ja.

LAURA: I don't think I can shave him with
Thaumaturgy.

LIAM: No, lather. Shaving cream.

TRAVIS and LAURA: Oh, lather.

LAURA: I don't think Thaumaturgy will create
lather, either.

LIAM: No?

LAURA: No. It would just make the sound of lather
coming out of a canister, but nothing actually

will come out.

LIAM: You cannot make a little bit of water
with it?

LAURA: No.

SAM: You are the transmuter.

LIAM: I don't know everything in the world.

TALIESIN: I can make water.

MARISHA: Just work up a foam. Just a little bit
of--

TRAVIS: Yasha just walks over and points the giant
sword at the bugbear and is like, "Arm up."

MATT: "Okay."

TRAVIS: (rough scraping)

LIAM: Performance check. Is his scalp removed?

MATT: A patchy job, but enough to maybe get a
semi-decent simple version of it.

It's a simple tattoo.

LAURA: It is a pretty simple tattoo.

SAM: What are you going to tattoo?

LAURA: Captain Tusktooth.

TALIESIN: She got a thing.

LAURA: I got to make a trail wherever we go.

SAM: The googly-eyed Captain Tusktooth?

LAURA: Obviously.

MATT: As you all prepare for the evening's rest,
by the light of, I assume, probably a Light spell

or that same globe within the dome, you begin to
slowly affix the next marker of Captain Tusktooth

against the torso of this lone bugbear as he sits
there and rubs on his whatever it is he has around

his neck.

LAURA: I'm pretty close. Can I see what the
symbol is as I'm tattooing?

MATT: Make a perception check.

LAURA: 19.

MATT: You get glimmers of it.

SAM: (gasps) Whispers?

TRAVIS: Shit!

SAM: Late in the night whispers? Happy Valentine's
Day everybody! May all your whispers be romantic

and not about bugbears. She gasped! We're all
dying. This is a devil bear.

TALIESIN: We're all going to die.

LAURA: Whoa. What? I'm not going to say it out
loud. I'm tattooing him.

MATT: Make a-- I'll say, given the circumstances,
a general dexterity check.

SAM: Oh, it's for the tattoo.

LAURA: 13.

MATT: It's not a very detailed tattoo. It is not
the greatest canvas under the greatest

circumstances, but you figure for tattooing a
bugbear in the middle of the Xhorhasian fields

in a rainstorm, it's not too bad.

LAURA: I think it looks good.

MATT: Yeah. The rest of you look at it. It's... eh.
It's passable.

SAM: Getting better!

LAURA: Thank you.

LIAM: It's all that matted hair and stuff still
left behind.

LAURA: It's hard to work around it.

MATT: It looks like Gritty, basically, with all
the brown hair around it.

LAURA: Before I finish the tusks, can I go over
and: Fjord, can I look at your tusks?

TRAVIS: What?

LAURA: Can I look at your mouth?

TRAVIS: No.

LAURA: I pull his lip down. Are they pointy or are
they still filed?

TRAVIS: They're doing their thing.

LAURA: Are they like this?

MATT: They're starting to grow, yeah.

LAURA: I'm going to do one of them a normal tusk
and then the other tusk is a little blunted tusk

on this guy.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Thanks.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: All right. You guys bed down for the night
in the middle of the cold fields here across the

river, just at the cusp of visual sight of this
City of Beasts here in the fields of the wastes.

Even from this distance, you can see it's not a
small city. What glimmers of torchlight are

combating the rainfall through the evening, it
looks to be lively and looks to be well-lit.

That's where we'll leave tonight's episode.

TRAVIS: Maybe we can spend a little time here?
Just a little? I don't know, faster than maybe,

say, Darktow?

SAM: You don't want to piss off the whole city
and leave the same day?

TRAVIS: In and out. 12 hours. In and ex-out.

TALIESIN: Two hours later: "And stay out!"

TRAVIS: Amazing island of pirates? Never come
back. Never see anything. You motherfucker!

MATT: Indeed.

TRAVIS: Awesome stuff.

TALIESIN: That was a thing.

SAM: Wow. Who knew that we would be friends with a
bugbear in the middle of Xhorhas today?

MARISHA: So cute! I love him.

TALIESIN: Remember the last time that we
befriended an evil creature and everything went

really well?

LAURA: I do, I do remember that.
Are bugbears evil?

TRAVIS: What's around his neck?

LAURA: I'm not going to tell you right now.

TALIESIN: She's not going to tell us right now,
she's going to be Laura.

MATT: Anyway.

SAM: Good game, Matt.

MATT: Good game, guys. We'll pick this up next
week with whatever this chaos is going to be,

depending on what you do. But until then, thank
you guys for those of you who are here with us

tonight, spending your Valentine's day with us.
There's no other place we would rather spend it

than with you guys. Sorry, microphone. I keep
doing that. Yeah, we love you very much. We're

excited to see you next week, and is it Thursday
yet? Good night.

[music]