LIES AND BETRAYAL (Emo Dad - Season 2 Ep 5)

(camera beeps)
- (monotonously) This is David. I'm back.

It's been a while since my last vlog.

I've finally shed the skins
of mainstream conformity

to which I so foolishly returned

and have once again embraced my true self.

- Um, Dad, why are you in my room, again?

- It's not just me. It's all of us.

(bats squeak and flutter)

This is an emovention.

You know, like an
intervention, but for emos?

♪ (woeful music) ♪

- Um, an emovention? But I'm not emo.

- Exactly,

and after everything I did
to make sure you went emo again.

So you'll all treat Chris like garbage
so he'll become depressed.

And Jasmine, you need
to break up with Chris

and start dating Kyle.

- Ugh, gross.

- What are we talking about?

- If you are still emo, be emo.

Be emo. Be emo. Be emo. Be emo.

- (mutters)

- Be emo.

- You did all of that--

became my teacher,
pretended to care about me,

turned my friends against me--
just to make me emo again?

- And it didn't work

when you became a hipster.

- I told you, labels are played out.

- When you became a hipster,

public enemy number one of the emos,

I realized I was running out of time.

So I changed to emo plan B:

plan Bemo.

I stopped hiding my emo self
and rejoined the Bleeding Toes.

- Jasmine, you broke up with me
as part of my dad's crazy plan?

- Your dad's my emo guru.
I had to do what he said.

But now that you know, we can date again.

- No! This is crazy.

- Our love was a lie?

That makes me feel horrible,

which makes me feel awesome

but also horrible.

Awesome

but horrible.

Awesome

but horrible.

Awesome

but horrible.

Awesome

(muffled) but horrible.

- You can't make me emo, Dad.
This is messed up.

I think I'll move in
with Mom and Rick for a while.

- (sulkily) Fine. Good.

- We're not doing the "God" thing, Dad.

- No, I meant the actual "good,"

not your lame Norse hipster bullshit.

♪ (soft incidental music) ♪

- It will be great to have you
living in the mansion, Chris.

- You live in a mansion?

- Ha-ha. Oh, no.

Chris will be living in
the mansion in the backyard.

Angela and I sleep in the castle.

Come on, best son ever.

(birds chirping)

- David, are you okay?

- Okay? What's okay?

Something society tells you to feel

to distract yourself
from your own emotions?

- I just want Chris to be happy.

Sign the divorce papers,
and take care of yourself.

We should all move on.

Hold the limo!

♪ (music swells) ♪
(car door closes)

♪ (somber music resonates) ♪

- You look so sad. Isn't it awesome?

But horrible.

Awesome.

But horrible.

Awesome.

But horrible.

Awesome.

But horrible.

♪ (happy music) ♪
(birds chirping)

- (Principal Meister)
Attention, students and faculty.

I have no announcement to make.

Just wanted to hear my own
voice come over the speakers.

What are you gonna
do about it? I'm the principal!

Thank you!

- "If you expect nothing from anybody,

you're never disappointed." Sylvia Plath.

So ends part one of my
93-part series of poets

who killed themselves,

the world's true heroes.

- What happened to David? He seems so sad.

- Another teacher
who wants a piece of Meister.

But the Meister ain't for sale.

- What?
(school bell rings)

♪ (sad string music) ♪

David, are you okay?

- Okay? What's okay?

Something society tells you to feel?

- I know what it's like to lose someone,

but you'll find someone new.

In fact, there's someone here
who cares about you very much.

- You mean Clem the Janitor?

- (thick Southern accent)
You have my heart, David!

- No. I-- I meant--

- Thanks for your help, Miss Blissful.

But I have band practice.

♪ (sad music resonates) ♪

♪ (Bleeding Toes playing) ♪

♪ Dad, stop reading my diary ♪

♪ Dad, I know you'll turn
this into a song ♪

♪ I refuse to make this rhyme ♪

♪ (music stops abruptly) ♪
- This song sucks.

Chris's diary is too lame
to steal from now.

You promised you'd make him emo again.

- And you promised Chris and I
would get back together by now.

- I tried. I did everything I could.

And now Chris is living
in a castle with some poser,

and this practice has been terrible.

But not good terrible; just terrible.

Maybe this is the end
of the Bleeding Toes.

(phone vibrates)

(beep)

What? Really?

Based on one song
passed around a high school?

(perkily) Okay. Thank you.

(moodily) I mean, whatever. God!

- Who's that?

- Guys, the Bleeding Toes
are going to be opening

for Parodymore.

- Paramore?

- No. Parodymore, the shameless
parody band of Paramore,

which makes it the most
emo band in the world.

♪ (woeful orchestral music) ♪