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Quebec and Alberta need counselling

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    Quebec's mad at Alberta, Alberta's mad at
    Quebec, in fact, the two provinces are seeking
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    counselling as they enter into a separation
    agreement.
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    To tell us more, I'm joined by Quebec and
    Alberta.
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    Hello.
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    How's it goin'.
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    Hey don't turn the heat up, that's expensive.
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    Don't be so cheap I deserve to be warm.
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    Put on some clothes!
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    I can't!
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    I'm French!
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    I'm sensing some tension, I take it you two
    aren't getting along.
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    We've decided to separate, we tried to stay
    together for our kid, but...
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    Your kid?
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    New Brunswick.
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    Half French, half oil thirsty cochon.
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    What?
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    What's that word mean?
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    Oh you think you could learn my language,
    we've only been together for 150 years.
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    I want to separate.
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    Oh no you don't.
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    I want to separate.
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    All she does is spend, she's been stealing
    from me.
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    It's called equalization, it's in the constitution.
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    It's our pre-nup!
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    I'm just trying to keep my head above water
    and she's hiding money.
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    I gave her $13 billion 'cause she said that she needed it and then it turns out she posted a $4.8 billion surplus!
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    So he's been seeing other provinces.
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    He spend all his time with Saskatchewan.
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    Oh yeah?
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    You've been screwing Ottawa for years!
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    Ottawa pays attention to me.
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    Ottawa thinks I'm special.
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    Ottawa gives me money.
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    Ontario's a have-not province, that's my money
    he's spendin' on ya.
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    Okayyy, so I'm sensing money problems?
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    That can be hard in a relationship.
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    Are there any substance abuse issues?
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    He's addicted to oil.
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    I am not, I can quit whenever I want.
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    Money problems, addiction issues, what about
    your sex life?
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    She won't let me lay any pipe.
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    That's all he thinks about.
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    His pipeline.
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    Oh c'mon honey, can't I just lay a little
    pipe?
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    Just enough pipe to get to the coast, just
    the tip?
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    No.
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    You stink like a gas station.
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    Well, it seems like irreconcilable differences
    to me.
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    Good riddance!
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    The second I dump her, I'll be rich again.
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    Oh please.
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    You're not broke!
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    You're just cheap.
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    If you implemented a 5% sales tax you would
    make another $5 billion a year.
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    Oh, that's your answer?
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    I should just go tax myself?
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    Well you might as well go tax yourself because
    you won't be laying any pipe here tonight.
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    Goodnight!
Title:
Quebec and Alberta need counselling
Description:
more » « less
Video Language:
English
Duration:
02:50

English subtitles

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