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Czechoslovakian state film and bunny
presents
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ONCE UPON A TIME
THERE WAS A KING
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- What do you bring to us, glassmaker?
- Glasses, sir.
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- I can see that!
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You'll pay half a crooked groat
or l'll smash your goods.
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- That's what l'm afraid of.
- Hurry up! Another one is coming.
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- What do you bring to us, draper?
- Can't you see? Linen!
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- You'll pay half a crooked groat
or l'll tear your goods to shreds.
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- You won't tear anything and
I won't pay either!
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- You'll pay, draper!
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- I won't, customs officer!
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- Yes, you will!
- No, I won't!
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- What?
- So what!
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- You won't?
- I won't!
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- Come on, guys.
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- Actually, why wouldn't I pay?
I'll be happy to pay.
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- But why would you?
You know what, just forget it!
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- No, no! I'll pay!
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- But but...
- Just take the groat,
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and make me happy!
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- Well, if you insist.
- And all good to death!
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- What do you bring to us, granny?
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- Healing herbs, Martinek.
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- You know me?
- Of course!
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I often put you to sleep
when you were little.
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And how big is your kingdom?
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- So big that verger's son would nine times
throw a rock over it.
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- That's a nicely big kingdom.
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Well, be good here and behave!
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- I will, granny! I will!
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Granny!
Who are you?
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- I'm telling you, the herbalist.
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- I know, but who are you for real?
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- If I told you, Martinek,
you wouldn't believe me.
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Why is it called "My Kingdom",
such a strange name.
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It's yours kingdom.
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- We know that,
but our King doesn't.
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He thinks it's all his alone,
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and so he calls himself
"King, Me the First".
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- I don't want to be King!
I want to be...
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I don't know what I want, myself.
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Besides the King doesn't need to know
what he wants. If he wants.
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Put a stitch here.
- It's alright now.
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- So, what do you think?
Does it suit me?
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- Oooh!
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- Oooh yes, or Oooh no?
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- Oooh yes!
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- You better like it!
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I'm marrying off my daughter.
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- Which one?
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- I don't know myself which one.
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- And whom will she marry?
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- Smart ass,
what do you think?
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Hey, you! Are the princes
in our land already?
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- Since dawn a glassmaker, a draper and
an old woman have crossed borders.
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- That's quite a big tourist traffic.
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But the princes should have been here,
because they have announced themselves...
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Ouch!
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It stung me in my shoulder!
Etc, come here! Quickly!
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- I'm the most humble servant
of Your Majesty's health.
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- Here, it stung me here!
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- I see!
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Ooh!
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STUNGely PINosa!
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- What kind of illness is that?
- No illness would ever take it out on you!
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You're as healthy as a turnip.
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- As a turnip? You couldn't think of
any other ordinary thing?
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- As a fish! As a golden fish!
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This pin stung you?
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- He wouldn't give me even
any proper illness!
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You don't like me!
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- Oooh.
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- If I died, no one would shed a tear.
- I'd shed, and big one!
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- Would you weep for me?
- Yes, and very much!
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- Show me how you'd weep.
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- Oh, my king!
- Don't weep, don't.
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- Enough!
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Show me how you'd weep.
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And you?
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And how would you weep all together?
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No, no! Stop!
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This is not what I call weeping!
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I'm the only one who could
weep on my own...
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but I wouldn't because I'd be very dead.
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And would you wring your hands
in sadness? - Oooh yes.
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- How would you do that?
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Not like that!
That's not wringing!
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Show them how to do it!
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That's how you do it.
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l'm going to look if the princes haven't
taken the longer way.
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And you can practise it meanwhile.
- Wring!
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Give it to me.
You have no overview!
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You must search properly
and not just gape.
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- Hah, hare!
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What the...
What is this?
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Maybe I'm looking to abroad?
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Of course!
You've set it to "infinite".
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- I see...
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- Well... oh yes.
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Now l'm at home.
And home is sweet home!
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A kingdom like from a picture book.
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Ohh.
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There's a dozen of those
little Kubats already!
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And they've already started
with a second dozen!
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- We need to arrange a new census.
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- Well, there might be more of them eventually.
- True.
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- Hehe! That basket maker and that
seamstress are married.
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- Right, right!
- I didn't know that.
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What a woman!
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But not a sight of the princes.
As soon as you spot them, report it!
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- To me!
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- And you go get the bride and behave
to her with respect,
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she's your future queen.
That's enough.
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- But dear King, you have three daughters.
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Pardon me, but which one will be
my future Queen?
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- That's right.
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Nevermind, bring all of them!
- Yes.
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- I'll go get my regalia meanwhile,
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and think it over there.
- Yes.
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All of you, turn the other way!
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The King is entering the secret door!
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- I know, I know,
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I can't find anything because
I'm not good at it.
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I think only of myself and
don't know what I want.
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I can almost hear you, Marenka.
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But I still need my ermine cloak.
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Because I'm marrying off my daughter, Marenka.
And that's not job for a man.
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I would need you here now.
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Nobody advises me...
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Nobody likes me...
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l'm not exaggerating!
Nobody comply me...
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Please, where have you put that...
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Sorry, here it is.
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I haven't worn it since our wedding.
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Do you remember...
long time ago,
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we said when our daughters will grow up,
and we arrange their weddings,
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we'd leave it here to them,
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and we'd go to the seaside,
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where we can read and talk?
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As you can see, that time has come.
And I'm all alone here and I should decide.
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All of this, and whole kingdom too,
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shall belong to Drahomira or Zpevanka
or Maruska.
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One of them, but which one?
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I love them all equally so...
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And each one is so different.
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For example Drahomira, when they showed
her to me for the first time,
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I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
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But even ugly bud grows up to beauty.
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As far as you can see, in lands far away,
you'll not find a fairer, more graceful,
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and vainer person.
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Often she made us laugh when she was
dolling herself up with fancy shards,
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and then we had to lift her to the mirror,
so she could see how it suits her.
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And it suits her even today.
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She'd be a fine queen,
but more for an eye than for ruling.
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About our second born, Zpevanka,
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she must have been brought
from a fairy land to us.
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where laughter is the boss, concerns are banned
and singing goes for 24/7.
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But I don't know how would she stand to be
the queen in this sober world.
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She'd might be seen as too vocal
queen to our people.
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- And he's here again! Again! Again!
Again! Again! Again!
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Don't pipe, piper!
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Can't you hear?
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Can't you speak?
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You're crazy!
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He's crazy.
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- He is, but crazy about you!
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- Can a queen marry to a piper?
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- She can, but a singer can never be the queen.
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A larel wreath suits
the royal head better,
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than a golden tingling!
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- Your singer's throat is lying, sister.
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I shall be the queen!
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- We'll see about that!
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Also you've forgotten about something.
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There's also Maruska.
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- She'd make a fine queen!
Hehe!
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I wonder what she is wearing
for this opportunity.
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- Sister!
- Maruska!
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- Maruska!
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Boys, haven't you seen Maruska?
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Oh, here you are, princess Maruska!
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The King wants to decide which one
of you will be the queen.
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Take off your apron and
dress in your best.
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- But an apron suits me the best.
Much better than a royal crown.
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- You can never know.
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It certainly would,
for you speaking so wisely.
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- Where have you come from, old woman?
What do you want?
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- I sell spices.
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Vanilla, nutmeg and cinnamon,
whatever you like.
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I have everything.
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Rare saffron, pepper, marjoram,
caraway and mustard.
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Spice from a myrtle tree!
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- We'll buy it all from you, Granny.
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Cook, bring the scales.
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And you don't have salt?
- Only spices.
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- But salt is more precious than any spice!
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- I've said that the royal crown
would suit you well.
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- It will be Maruska.
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She's the wisest and loves me the most,
like you used to love me tho.
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Thank you for advice, Marenka.
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- May the Princesses enter
and play the music!
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- Where is Maruska?
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- She'll be here in a moment.
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- The one I was depending on the most,
doesn't even bother to show up.
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- She was taking care of your kitchen!
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- The kitchen is everything and
l'm nothing.
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When I die, no one will remember me.
When I close my eyes for last.
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I'll beg others as an old man.
My own daughters will throw me out.
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- But daddy!
- Silence!
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- Silence!
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- You are both same and
third one as well.
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Do not rush.
Take your time.
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It's only your father waiting for you.
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So...
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- Listen, listen, listen!
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- When the fate spins my life's
thread to the end,
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my days will be filled,
and my throne will stand empty.
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When my daughters will put aside
the veil of mourning,
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and tears will be wipped with
brand new upcoming days,
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strifes, skirmishes and fights
over the crown,
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may threaten the unity of the land.
- Oooh!
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- But cheer up, my subjects!
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Your King and sovereign knows the best
what to do at tought times.
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- Oooh!
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- I've decided that I will choose
a next queen today.
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It'll be the one who loves me the most!
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This is my will!
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Come forward, Drahomira,
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and tell me how much you love me.
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- I love you like... gold.
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- Hm, gold? What a rare element!
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Actualy, why not.
Very good, Drahomira.
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And now you, Zpevanka,
how much do you love me?
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- Daddy, my King,
I love you like gold too.
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- Wait a moment!
You're repeating things!
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- I love you like the gold in the throat
this kind of gold:
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(clapping)
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- A pity that your mother can't see this,
she'd be happy.
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I see and hear that you truly love me.
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And now Maruska left.
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Tell me, how much do you love me?
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- I love you like... like...
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I love you... like only
a daughter can love her father.
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- Well, that's an obligation, isn't it?
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Anyone can come up with that.
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Take an example from your sisters.
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And now again:
You love me like what?
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Ok, I'll help you.
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Besides gold, there are other shiny things.
Equally valuable or more.
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- I love you like salt!
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- Like what?
- Like salt.
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- Salt?
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SALT?
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- Yes, salt, because salt is needed.
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- Because salt is present everywhere.
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Because anyone has enough of salt.
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(LIGHTBULB)
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I see! You mean,
that you've had enough of me?
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- But daddy...
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- My own child is tired of me!
My own blood has enough of me!
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Thank God your mother
can't see this now!
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- Daddy, you don't know what I meant.
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- I don't know, but you know everything!
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Child is lecturing her father,
I really like that!
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- Daddy, there is no reasonable talk with you.
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- And now you will be rude!
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There's no reasonable talk with me, huh?
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Isn't that funny?
- Oooh!
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- It's not! It's sad!
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So, I am the one to laught at?
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Alright then.
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Get out of my residence!
Get out!
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I say, get out!
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- Go home, go back!
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- My King!
- I am here!
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- Ooh!
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My King, I've been looking for you!
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They're here!
- Who?
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- We expected them to come from the river
but they came from the forest.
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- Who?
- The princes!
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Princes? - Mhm.
- Damn, that's not good.
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How many?
- Three.
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- Three!
And princesses are...
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- Are two.
- Two. And one throne.
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- That makes it six together!
- That makes... wait how?!
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- 3 + 2 + 1 = 6!
- That's right! But nooo!
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The throne is just one but
princesses are...
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- Two!
- For now! For now there are two!
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- Because Maruska...
- Maruska... you expelled her.
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- Excuse me?
- It's true.
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- Actually I did.
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But she'll come back!
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She can't be without me.
She'll be sorry,
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I know her! And before night
she'll be back!
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- And before night will be 7 of them!
- What are you saying, seven?
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- That's right!
- 3 princes + 1 throne...
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- Leave the throne out of it!
- But I have to!
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- It's about the throne!
- You don't have to!
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No, no, you're confusing me.
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You're counting pears and apples together.
And that's not about it!
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- What is it about then?
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- It's about that 3 princes are not
3 princesses...
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- But two!
- Yes, I mean - NO!!!
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Stop that math.
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You're just confusing me.
How can I decide...
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- But but but but but but!
Princes are waiting!
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- And I don't want to see them!
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Not now.
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Tell them to rest, wash and change,
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I invite them to dinner.
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Then it will be dark
and Maruska will be here.
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And now strew (leave).
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I said strew (leave).
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- Sure, but what?
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Strew yourself away!
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- I see. Strew myself away!
Strew away!
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So amusing, my King!
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I'm strewing away! I'm strewing away!
I'm strewing away!
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What should I to say to them?
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- You can sing to them, if you like,
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just keep them busy!
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- In the King's name,
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Et cetera welcomes and greets you.
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Et cetera, that's me!
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Et cetera, that's me!
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I'm the right hand of my King!
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I'm the right hand of my King!
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Et cetera!
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I change my profession with
every thought of his,
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from a barber to a doctor,
from the doctor to a grooms,
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from the grooms to a scribe,
then right to the chamberlain,
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right away from the chamberlain,
I graze horses and foals.
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Serving as castle warden,
I serve to the morning,
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I sing with him and weep with him,
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I weep with him and sing with him,
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When being his friend, I drink from jug
with him till the morning.
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He comes for advices to me,
we bother each other.
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Sometimes he hits me,
and then he strokes me.
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To sum it up:
I'm his Majesty's,
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To sum it up:
I'm his Majesty's,
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I'm his main counsellor.
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Et cetera, Et cetera, Et cetera,
Et cetera,
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Et cetera, my great repute!
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Et cetera, Et cetera, is my name!
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- I can't introduce myself
so nicely but...
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- You don't have to!
I can tell who you are!
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You are the Handsome Prince, son of...
- King Alabaster the Sixteenth.
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- Right. And you are the Brave Prince,
son of...
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- King Cannonman the Eighth.
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- Right. And you are the
Wise Prince...
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- Son of my father.
- I see.
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I shall accompany you to your chambers,
you must be tired after your journey.
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- What are you spying here, gardener?
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- I'm watching over you.
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When you were little you
couldn't climb trees.
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- But now l'm big.
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- And still clumsy.
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- Watch out, that's Drahomira!
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- Why would you call it like that?
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- Because it got noble stature like you,
has a sweet scent, like you.
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- But stings!
- Just like you.
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- Give it to me.
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And keep it. I've got a prettier one,
a golden one.
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- Golden rose has no scent.
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- But it's more beautiful!
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- A rose without scent...
is like a beauty without a heart.
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- Our swamp isn't good for your
little shoes, princess.
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- Put me down!
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- As you wish.
- Ouch!
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- Who doesn't know this area,
won't make it far.
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And where to now?
- There!
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- To the wood there?
- Mhm.
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- But that forest is deep.
- So what!
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- Aren't you afraid?
- No!
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- Why won't you talk more?
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- Because, I'm sad,
and don't ask me anymore.
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We're on solid ground again.
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Goodbye, fisherman.
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- Stay! It will be dark soon,
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and my hut is near.
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- I want to be alone now.
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But one day I will come to you.
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Goodbye, fisherman.
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- Come in, little daughter.
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Come in, there's nobody here.
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Don't be afraid!
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You must be hungry, right?
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Make some garlic soup.
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The firewood is nicely dry,
it will burn like a tinder,
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if you know how to light it.
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That's enough, Maruska.
I can see that you can.
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But now sit down at the table,
the soup will be ready soon.
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But it's not going to be this
easy every day!
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Today is an exception,
because you walked whole day.
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Sit down.
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Oh, that soup smells so nicely!
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I'll taste some too!
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Good evening.
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- It's you, granny!
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- I am little late.
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It takes some time to put all
the little ones to sleep.
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The shoemaker's Anicka,
would not fall asleep!
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You were a little afraid,
weren't you?
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- I was, but I was nicely afraid.
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Granny, and how do you do
all these things?
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- Who knows everything has no
interest in learning more.
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Besides it was an exception today for
having such a nice guest here.
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What would we have hands for?
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I'll do it myself.
You cut the bread.
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So you're saying that salt is more
precious than gold?
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- And isn't it?
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- Before we find out about that,
we'll eat some food.
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- May the King enjoys the royal meal!
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Eels, oysters...
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- What do you think?
Is it dark outside?
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- Oh, yes! You could almost
cut it in pieces!
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- Well, I don't think so.
- Well, it's not dark,
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but you can't see anything!
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Well maybe dark can be seen,
but I can't see it!
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- Tell me, Handsome Prince,
is it dark outside?
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- Only ugly people are interested
in darkness,
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because it can hide their ugliness.
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Darkness is not my case.
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- Wise Prince, what think you?
Is it dark?
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- It depends on the darkness.
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It's not dark as in pitch,
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but if it's dark in my land,
then I export it abroad.
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Some monarchs pay a good price
for this good darkness.
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- So, is it dark or not?
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- Command me and
I shall make darkness!
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- Let's eat then.
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- Eels, oysters, burbots,
lampreys, salmons,
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rolls made of fish roes
and crayfish,
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wild ducks and
roasted capercaillies,
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and then boiled in wine
with peach.
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Little pikes warmed for three days
in beech vapor,
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and drowned in cream.
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- Stop! A herring.
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I said, bring a herring
for everybody!
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How is it?
Do you like it?
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Do you like it?
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It's delicious, isn't it?
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The one I am eating, is delicious!
What a delicacy, right?
-
And what a lovely smell!
And have you tried the head?
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Try that head, it's delicious, crispy!
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So, do you like it?
You like it?
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You don't like it, right?
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And why not?
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You don't know?
Ok, I'll tell you!
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Because it's salty!
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- Oooh, yes!
-
- Yes, salty!
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Not even the dog wants it.
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Even that silly animal knows that salt is just
ordinary, worthless and common taste!
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Hm, Taste? Pff!
It's aftertaste!
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Just my own blood, my own daughter...
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It's dark!
-
It's so late and my girl isn't home yet.
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She leaves her father's house...
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Maybe she's in the garden?
Hidden?
-
What an invention...
-
modern flint and steel,
with password...
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I'll shine on her!
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I'll shine on the whole kingdom!
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Maruska!
Maruska!
-
Maruska!
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- Daddy!
-
Granny!
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Granny!
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Granny!
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- I know, you dreamt that your
dad was calling you,
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and you would like to go back
to him, right?
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- I would, granny.
- Well, do as you wish,
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if you think the right time has come.
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- The right time?
I miss daddy.
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- You two were fighting over salt.
And who was right about it?
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- I was,
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but I still miss him,
and my heart hurts,
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and his surely too.
- Maybe.
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Give him time and he might find out,
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that truth can't be shouted down
or expelled from home.
-
You gotta be patient,
even when your heart hurts.
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The truth is worth of any pain.
-
- If only he knew that he doesn't
have to worry about me.
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Would that be possible, granny?
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- You're lucky!
-
It's just about time when
rare herbs blossom.
-
Look, this is a rare herb.
You smell it once and you'll disappear.
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Smell again and you'll appear.
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Try it.
-
Hehe, you look like a ghost.
You sniffed too little.
-
Never do anything with half effort!
Not even miracle!
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Breathe in more!
-
- What now, granny?
-
- Make wish to be in the castle and
another rare herb will take you there.
-
- I wish that, granny,
but l'm still here.
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- I forgot to pick that herb,
I've almost messed up.
-
Smell it again.
-
Let's go to the woods,
there is plenty of that herb there.
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- I want to sleep, I want to sleep,
I want to sleep.
-
Sleep I want!
-
What do I want?
Sleep!
-
What I wanna do about sleep?
I want to sleep!
-
Who wants to sleep?
Not to me!
-
I won't sleep, won't sleep!
-
- But you're already sleeping!
-
- Not at all!
Huh!
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Maruska! Is it real or just a dream?
-
- Of course it's a dream!
-
If this wasn't a dream,
could I do this?
-
- So, I am dreaming about you.
You are my nice dream.
-
But I couldn't fall asleep,
they didn't make my bed properly!
-
Nobody can make my bed like you.
-
- Mom gave me some hard drill in it,
so I can do it now!
-
- Oh yes, your mom.
-
It's pity that we never had a fleet.
-
Your mom was a born admiral.
-
- Let me do it. You'll never fall
asleep like that!
-
- I'm not sleeping already?
- You are, but not properly.
-
- I can sleep nicely too!
Look.
-
And I'm dreaming about my
dearest daughter.
-
But when I wake up,
I won't be dreaming about you,
-
l'll be worried about you again.
-
- You can stop worrying about me.
-
I'm doing good and you're my dearest dad.
-
- And you are my dearest dream about my
pigheaded daughter,
-
who has come back to daddy,
and daddy has forgiven her.
-
- Forgiven her what?
- You know, about that salt.
-
- You have nothing to forgive me.
-
- If you want to fight again,
then disappear.
-
- Daddy, don't say that,
or I will do it.
-
- Wait, wait, not yet!
-
So you're still saying that salt is
more precious than gold?
-
- And isn't it?
- It is not.
-
Everyone can live without salt.
- l'd like to see it!
-
- And you will see it!
-
All the salt, in the whole kingdom, every pinch,
I'll destroy to the last pinch!
-
- And how will you do it?
-
- You should know that,
if you're so clever!
-
I'll give order for all salt to be brought
here and we'll throw it into water.
-
And now go to the beddy to sleep!
-
- Dreams don't sleep,
and l'm your dream, you know.
-
- Yes, you are my dream.
-
But my dream is MY DREAM!
-
And my dream must obey what
I want him to do! Right away!
-
And don't try to upset me!
I'm not the dream here!
-
Well, I'm not a dream,
you are not a dream!
-
Wait, you're not dreaming,
you are a dream!
-
Who...? Or who is
in the dream?
-
- Why are you sneaking into my dream?
-
- I just wanted to ask you,
who are you shouting at.
-
Who... Whom... Who...
What are you complaining about?
-
- Why would I dream about you, when I am
already dreaming about Maruska?
-
Damn! She was right here
and now she's gone.
-
Because of you! That's
your fault!
-
Maruska!
Where is she?
-
Maruska!
-
Where are you?
Maruska!
-
- Maruska!
- She's gone!
-
- She's gone!
- Maruska!
-
- Maruska!
-
Oh, when you're dreaming already,
which one fits, what do you think?
-
- What do you mean by that?
-
Only my Maruska,
I dream of Maruska!
-
- Ouch! OUCH! Hehehe
Who's doing that?
-
- So, what's wrong with you?
Do you feel sick or what?
-
- Somebody is tickling me!
Somebody is tickling me!!
-
- Get out, you buffoon!
-
- I am a buffoon?
You're a buffoon!
-
You're quarrelling with a chair,
your cap is rising on your head,
-
my candle snuffed out, somebody
is tickling me here,
-
and you call me buffoon?!
-
Firstly, I don't know what that means!
And secondly, it offends me!
-
I'm leaving.
-
So I can't even ask you
which one should be the queen!
-
- Not the pigheaded one!
-
Actually, let the princes decide
themselves.
-
And come here and snuff
out the light.
-
So? Did you hear me?
-
Will you?
- Coming!
-
And now get lost!
-
What a dream, the most
stupid dream I know.
-
I know! I'll wake up
from all of this!
-
I want to wake up!
I want to wake up!
-
I want to wake up!
I want to wake up!
-
What did I want?
To wake up.
-
- Goodnight, daddy.
- Goodnight.
-
- Such a lovely day, isn't it?
- Yes, like a golden one.
-
- And how have you slept?
- My bed was too soft.
-
I prefer to sleep on a battlefield.
-
- And the din of battle doesn't
disturb you?
-
- I mean, after the victorious battle!
-
I can see a lovely glade from my room,
-
with three apple trees and
crystal clear well.
-
- That well.
Cook!
-
Is there water of life or death
in that well?
-
- I don't know that!
I don't drink water.
-
The water of life is great for your skin!
-
- Now I'm thinking...
Cook!
-
Do these apple trees next to the well
grow golden apples?
-
I'd like to graft golden apples
on our trees at home.
-
Even if it gives you few golden apples,
it would be without work.
-
Do you like to work?
-
- I mustn't! Effort makes
people ugly.
-
- I prefer to fight!
-
Hey, slacker, listen!
-
Isn't nearby some gloomy ravine or gulch
where wild dragons have their lair?
-
- Dragons?
Maybe wild rabbits.
-
- Pity! Dragons are my cup of tea!
-
Six heads cut down by single blow!
-
- Do you have a hot water?
-
- We do, but the kitchen is still closed.
-
- Oh my!
Where have you been?
-
If you excuse me...
-
Quickly start with wooing!
-
The Princesses are in the garden,
let's say "randomly",
-
and you should "randomly"
meet them!
-
So go, go, woo, woo, chase them,
flirt with them!
-
Quickly!
-
The one you will like best,
is yours!
-
What about this?
Here we go.
-
You can finish your meal
at the wedding feast.
-
And we're finally alone!
-
Well...
-
Is this enough for two of us?
-
- I won't surely give them everything!
- Hahaha!
-
- Pff, princes! Dummies, more likely!
-
- Shall we start?
- Mhm
-
- And when he got through the thorns,
-
he entered the castle where
every soul was sleeping.
-
The Sleeping Beauty, too, of course.
-
And the Handsome Prince kissed her...
-
- And the princess woke up.
-
We know that one.
-
- You know that one, but you don't know,
who the Handsome Prince was.
-
It was me!
-
And have you heard of Snow White?
The one who served the dwarfs.
-
Then she slept in a glass coffin and
a Prince came, woke her up,
-
with a kiss. And...
-
- And that was you, too!
-
- So, you know that?
- And then they got married.
-
- And the same with the Sleeping Beauty.
That's how it usually ends, right?
-
They got married and lived
happily ever after.
-
- Exactly!
Those are just fairytales!
-
I didn't marry her.
I've never wanted to get married.
-
Actually, untill I met you!
-
Love made my heart beat.
-
Quiet!
Can you hear it beating?
-
(GUNSHOT)
-
- What are you doing?
- Learning to shoot!
-
- Why?? - In case a bear comes by,
l'd shoot him!
-
- What would bear was doing here?
-
- He'd would be looking for honey!
- But we don't have bees!
-
- A swarm might fly around!
- And have you seen the swarm?
-
- No, I haven't.
-
- Then go and look for it!
- True that!
-
- We have to outsmart the fools!
-
I know a lot about that!
-
Cleverness is my specialization!
-
It's like the Prince who rescued
the Princess from the clutches of
-
a twenty headed dragon.
- It was you, right?
-
- Me? Not at all!
He was a fool!
-
I knew that Princess,
she wasn't worth it.
-
But if it had been you,
I don't wanna jinx it tho,
-
the dragon could have forty heads, or fifty,
-
or even hundred heads...
-
(GUNSHOT)
-
- Save yourself!
-
I've missed him!
- Whom?
-
- Save yourself!
-
- Save us!
- Save us!
-
- Yes, alright!
Right after I get my armor on!
-
- Hu!
-
(Hu)
Hu! hu!
-
What a surprise!
It isn't the bear after all!
-
- Something worse - a piper!
-
- You should be ashamed spoiling
our chances!
-
Do you want us to end like old maids?
-
- And you would want to marry
such dummies?
-
- Pff!
-
- Pff!
-
- What did I answer to her actually?
- If I only knew!
-
Wait, wait, wait...
Once again...
-
She made the bed and said
she was doing good...
-
- Don't start with that again,
or it will obsess you like the other night!
-
Take the bath,
that will help you to relax.
-
- We quarrelled about salt,
-
and I said to her...
-
if only I knew,
what I said to her!
-
- You called me a buffoon!
-
But l've forgiven you already.
-
- You have nothing to forgive me...
-
That's what she said to me, that I have
nothing to forgive her!
-
- It's getting cold for you!
-
- And I wanted to prove that I was right...
-
but how I wanted to prove it,
I can't remember at all...
-
- But you will, you will, you will remember!
-
- Aaah!
-
- Aaah!
-
- What a bath!
-
This will make you relax!
- What is it?
-
- A lavender salt!
-
I'll dissolve it in the water!
-
- Dissolve it in the water!
-
That's what I told her!
And I will do that!
-
- I know you will do that!
-
- Salt!
-
Bring all the salt to me!
To the Castle!
-
Saaaaaaaaaaalt!
-
I command to overyone everywhere
in my kingdom,
-
to hand over all the salt you got,
without waiting, men, women or kids
-
bring all the salt,
otherwise you'll be punished!
-
All of the saaaaaaaaalt!
-
Every single pinch of it! To the very
last grain! To the Castle!
-
That's will of your King, Me The First.
-
(carpenter)
-
- Next one!
-
Next one!
-
Next one!
-
(carpenter)
-
Next one!
-
Next one!
-
You don't have more?
-
- I do. But I am not giving more!
-
- You dare to oppose the King's command?
-
- Command?
-
It's nonsense!
-
- Shut up, you mouthy woman!
-
- I'll show you who is mouthy here!
-
And to the king too!
He knows why he is out of sight.
-
He's ashamed - that's it.
-
He was always a bit daft,
but we said it's fine,
-
because he has a good heart. But now?
Now he's totally crazy!
-
Yesterday he drove out Maruska
and today he's taking our salt.
-
Just like that! With no reason!
Salt!
-
Even the cattle can't live without it,
even wild animals go for it!
-
If that smartass doesn't know that,
-
let him ask my little Majdalenka,
she will tell him!
-
And what shall we salt with?
You don't know, right?
-
You eager beaver!
-
- Me? Eager beaver?
- Yes!
-
- You brazen tongue!
I'll throw you into the prison!
-
- Me?! You...!!
-
(SLAP)
-
- Oh my, what a woman!
-
- And she's right.
What will they salt with?
-
- With nothing.
And so shall you.
-
- But that won't be eatable.
- Flummery, mummery!
-
- Next one.
-
What is it?
-
You couldn't come earlier?
Everyone has been here already!
-
Who are you?
- The herbalist.
-
The herbalist...
-
The herbalist...
-
And are you from this kingdom?
-
- I belong to everywhere.
-
- I belong to everywhere...
I belong to everywhere...
-
You don't belong here,
according to me!
-
You're not on my list.
-
Gimme! I'll... throw it there.
-
You are a pretty granny.
-
I've seen you somewhere...
-
But that's quite a long time ago.
-
You know what?
Keep your salt.
-
- If the King would need it,
he can always have it.
-
- Where have I seen that granny before?
-
Everything is completed!
Everything is done!
-
- It's not!
- But all the salt...
-
- No! I'm not done with that
stupid mineral yet!
-
I command to throw all the salt into water
and drown it like a kitten!
-
Right now!
Immediately!
-
- Maruska! Maruska!
-
Moon, you're the guardian of the lovers,
tell me, where is Maruska?
-
- When the water on the bottom sighs,
-
a tree drops its branch in the foam,
-
meanwhile a restless dragonfly,
-
turns stalks into rings.
-
No, my song isn't passionate enough,
-
but we look to each other's eyes,
-
In the silence I hear that heart beating,
-
I hear yours and you mine.
-
- That's the end of the song?
-
- No. There's one more verse,
-
about the deepest silence.
-
- Sing it then.
-
Only two can sing that.
- I know the melody. Teach me the words.
-
- It has neither melody nor words.
-
- How is it sung then?
-
Like this...
-
- Maruska! Maruska!
-
- Maruska, where are you?
Maruska!
-
- She'll come back to you soon!
-
- You're the kindest granny!
I was afraid you'd be angry.
-
- Why would I? I know that
fisherman of yours,
-
I was his godmother, he's a good lad.
-
But for now focus on something else,
and watch this!
-
- To prove that I am right,
- Like always!
-
- I've ordered to prepare a pork feast,
-
which won't be affected by
a single grain of salt,
-
salt, which they said is necessary
for enjoying the food! Haha!
-
So, l'm ceremonially initiating the first
salt-free pork feast ever.
-
Bon appetit!
-
- Music!
-
Well, eat half to full, drink half to full.
-
I don't know how about you,
but l've enjoyed the food very much!
-
- So have we.
-
But, honestly,
it might have been better.
-
- Yea, it'll never be better
without salt.
-
- It will, it will be.
We have plenty of tastes.
-
For example, what's sweet
doesn't need to be salty!
-
Brilliant! Tomorrow you will prepare
a sweet feast!
-
Enough.
- Pardon?
-
- Enough!
-
- What are you giving me?
- We have plenty of tastes.
-
What's sour doesn't need to be salty.
-
- How dare you talking to me like that?
- Give me salt and you'll enjoy food again.
-
- Salt, salt!
-
It's not art to cook with salt!
Without salt - that's art!
-
- Can't be done without salt.
- It can.
-
- It can't!
-
- It can! And I'll prove it to you!
I'll cook alone!
-
- And l'll be watching.
- No, you won't,
-
because l'll throw you into prison.
-
- But you rebuilt the prison
into wine-cellar!
-
- Then we'll lock him in the wine-cellar!
He looks like a barrel anyway!
-
- Fluffy pan... pancake,
Here it is!
-
Soft fluffy pancake, pleases the king
and even his subjects.
-
- Alright. So, read it.
-
- Prepare a lump of yeast, eggs, sugar,
smooth flour, warm milk,
-
lemon peel and...
-
- Read! Read!
-
- Ehh... lemon peel and...
-
- And what?
-
- And salt!
-
I told you, can't be done without salt!
- You empty head! - Haha!
-
- We'll put spices instead and
tastes will be rich!
-
Haha!
-
Give it here, we'll start immediately!
-
So crack one or two eggs...
-
Wait, what are you doing?
-
One OR two eggs.
-
- Well, 1 egg or 2 eggs = 3 eggs!
-
- That's right.
So, crack one.
-
- Ooh.
-
- Wait, it seems to be boiled ones.
-
- No, they're not. - Hehe.
- We must try a different method...
-
Pass one or two eggs.
- That makes it three!
-
- Put them into the mortar
-
and let's go.
-
- And what about the shells?
-
- Every egg has a shell,
-
if it didn't, it wouldn't keep together!
-
- That's right! At least the pancakes
will be nice and crunchy!
-
- Add fragments of glass instead!
-
- Punish him!
-
- Bunglers! You can't even hit me!
-
- Well, there's not much of it.
- There's not.
-
How big pancake do you want?
-
- Well... for the whole castle,
about half an acre.
-
- Damn! That'll take some time!
-
What do we start with?
-
- With flour!
-
That's remarkable how heavy it is,
when the flour is in one sack.
-
- If we do things with enthusiasm
and passion!
-
- Then our work succeeds!
- It must!
-
You're amazed, right?
-
- Hm, he's not watching right now,
when he might learn something.
-
- He's sitting there green from envying us,
because we're doing good!
-
- Just, let him suffer!
-
- Without the phantasms that
delude you in the skies.
-
And take what mother's care
affords here!
-
- Now it will be fine and crunchy!
- That's right!
-
- And now we add some milk.
- Moment! Is it warm?
-
- Of course it is!
I know how to cook!
-
Have you thrown in some yeast?
- What what?
-
- Have you thrown in some yeast?
-
- I haven't!
- Do it then!
-
Throw it there and I'll throw it in here.
Adequately!
-
- Adequately!
-
Adequately!
-
Adequately!
-
Adequately!
-
- Well, that's it. And now...
-
- And now salt!
- Not salt! Spices!
-
- Spices for half an acre!
- That's right!
-
- Caraway seeds? And how much?
- Well, how much...
-
Adequately!
-
- Adequately!
-
Adequately!
-
Adequately!
- Bay-leaf? Why not!
-
- Saffron, to give it colour!
-
Adequately, adequately...
-
- Red pepper to give it pep.
-
- And mustard to give it sharpness!
Hehe!
-
- And nutmeg to taste!
-
- What about chamomile?
- Shove some in!
-
And marjoram!
-
- What about thyme?
- Yes, thyme!
-
And... ginger!
-
- Huh! What about that box??
-
- It'll get absorbed.
-
What is that?
-
- Oh, right! Right there!
It's rising already!
-
- Aah!
-
I see!
-
And isn't it rising too much?
Not adequately!
-
Look! Do something!
Put it back!
-
Just hold it! Press on it!
Quickly! Blow on it!
-
Blow on it, blow on it!
- What should I do?
-
- Into the arms the sweet
song of woods,
-
Into the arms the sweet, sweet flavour...
-
- It'll swallow us and we'll die here!
-
- Help!
- Help!
-
(opera bros) Help!
-
Cook! Help us!
-
- What is it?
-
- I command you to come and
help us at once!
-
- Me too!
- You won't command me!
-
You have to beg me.
- How dare you!
-
- Wait, you have to beg!
Do it!
-
- Then, I beg you.
- That's not enough.
-
You have to beg me nicely!
-
- Then, I beg you nicely!
- That's right!
-
- Well, that's how I like it!
-
Here you go.
- Give it to me and pull!
-
Follow me, follow me!
-
Follow me and don't be scared,
don't be scared!
-
- And what now?
- We have to hold the door no matter what!
-
- Look, look! I don't want to panic,
but we are lost!
-
- We're not lost!
We'll stuff it and hold it!
-
And you hold me, and push!
-
In the hardest moments only the Ruler
himself always knows what to do!
-
- Person shouldn't get old unless he is wise.
-
- That's not your quote.
- But it's handy.
-
- For you, but now I know what
I didn't know before.
-
- Tell me, if I know as well!
-
- I know that special work should
be done by specialists.
-
- I didn't know that...
-
- It could have been delicious...
those... things...
-
- Fluffy pancakes!
And they will be again!
-
- No, they won't.
- You will laugh,
-
and they will be!
- No, they won't.
-
Nothing will be.
-
I'm tired and a bit ashamed.
-
I feel sad... and I feel like crying.
-
- I can make you laugh!
You'll be laughing about what I can do!
-
An elephant stood in the river Nile,
-
and his trunk is under water,
-
and suddenly a crocodile came
and seized his trunk.
-
Do you know what that elephant said?
-
That's a stupid joke.
-
Hehehehe...
-
- That made me laugh, man...
-
Then I'll imitate a rooster for you!
Just a little rooster!
-
That one was very little.
Now bigger one!
-
(laughs)
-
- I'm glad that you're laughing.
-
- And you will laugh too!
Come, quickly!
-
Take that gold.
-
- And why are we doing this?
-
- Now we'll see who was right.
-
We'll see whether salt is more
precious than gold!
-
Got it? She has salt!
-
- Who?
-
- That widow, that young clean woman
who smacked you.
-
- I see!
- She has salt, okay?
-
We'll give her all the gold and
all the jewelry.
-
And she'll give us her salt,
We'll salt our bread!
-
In addition l'll prove that I was right!
Yay!
-
Load it there!
- Sure!
-
- She lives here.
- Yup.
-
- Go and speak to her.
-
- I did once.
You can do it this time.
-
- Me?
- Yes, knock on the door.
-
(knock knock knock)
-
- That is not enough!
You must knock 3 times with your fist!
-
(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK)
-
- What's wrong with you?
-
Oh, what fancy guests!
-
What do you look for here?
-
- Ehm I... l... l'm not, l'm not
looking for anything...
-
Here I brought something very
useful for you,
-
real, royal, not fake, fancy treasure.
-
Such a treasure is always useful
in a household.
-
Do you sleep on a straw mattress?
-
For a little ring like this you can get
three carts of eiderdown.
-
Do you go dancing?
-
Put on these emerald earrings
and your neighbours will turn green!
-
Don't you like your cottage?
-
Sell one ruby and buy a farm house.
-
You can have everything you see here,
all the jewellery and beauty things.
-
Just for...
- In exchange for what?
-
- For a bag of salt!
- For a bag of salt, right?
-
And then l'll salt my bread with diamonds?
-
Or with earrings?
-
And we'll give the sheep
emeralds to lick?
-
- Bugbear! Bugbear!
-
- Nah, that's not a bugbear,
-
but he has bugbears in his mind.
-
He wears the cloak because of shame
and calls himself the king.
-
You should be ashamed! You're burly man but
you're acting like an old virgin.
-
What have you done with our salt?
What?
-
If you offered me your whole kingdom,
I won't give you a single grain!
-
I'm saving it for good people!
-
- What's wrong sister?
-
- I am going to faint.
-
- That's beacuse we're starving.
-
- Better to starve than eat no salted.
-
- Sister, don't fall asleep!
-
Oh, what should I do?
-
Help! Help! Heeeelp!
-
Help us, help us, help us!
-
Heeeeeelp us!
-
- Thank you, gardener.
-
I have a headache, my throat
is getting tight and my heart hurts.
-
- Feeling better?
-
You feel sorry about jewels?
-
- I like being liked.
- I like you without them.
-
Besides, l've got better one.
-
- Help us, help us, help us!
-
- What's going on?
Why are you calling for help?
-
- How come you can talk?
- Because my mom taught me.
-
- And why didn't you talk before?
- Was any reasonable talk with you before?
-
- Was or wasn't..., but now you have to
go with me to help my sister.
-
- She doesn't need it anymore.
-
- But now l'm feeling strange...
-
Going... to faint...
-
- My ear!
Ouch!
-
And now nose is stucked!
-
- Can you hear it?
-
All princesses used to lie at
my feet, but these?
-
I don't get it, am I getting old?
-
- We don't complain.
We packed all we have,
-
and farewell Hungry kingdom!
-
- You're going too right?
- Of course!
-
- That's right,
even courtiers are leaving.
-
A dog died here!
-
- Excuse me, do you know
where is the kingdom,
-
where baked pigeons fly itself
to your mouth?
-
- I think the best way is across
seven rivers.
-
- Ah, it's better to go around
Gingerbread house.
-
- Thank you.
- They will get lost there!
-
- They won't find anything.
I've searched everywhere already.
-
You have to work... everywhere.
-
- Where are you off to, faithful courtiers?
-
- Should we... help?
- But!!!
-
- He means to us, not them!
-
- Let us do it, old man!
-
- We will help you, it's heavy for you.
-
- What is it?
-
- We are wandering,
wandering and wandering!
-
We can't go on.
- We must.
-
- What must?
-
We just have to do one thing:
devide the loot.
-
Why shouldn't we devide it
here and now?
-
- He's right!
-
If we have to carry it, then let everyone
carry his own share, right?
-
- I can't pull it on my own.
-
Help me to get this out of the forest,
-
and after l'll give you something
in return.
-
- Give something in return?
-
We are not going to devite it equally?
-
- Of course, we are.
-
Two of us, half for each.
-
- And me?
- Pff, there isn't a third half!
-
- True, so for you two won't
left anything.
-
Easy!
-
This novelty will drill a hole in
your not used armor in a second.
-
- Of course.
-
- I'll drill a hole through you!
-
And everything will be ours.
-
- Wrong! I'll do the drilling and
everything will be mine.
-
- How come?
-
One shot will make a hole in
only one of us.
-
- True. And second shot will make
a hole in the other.
-
- That cannot be denied.
-
- That's right. And now we don't have to
waste time by dividing it.
-
- My leg!
-
- Ouch!
-
- The treasure is running off!
-
- Easy! Look,
what we failed to do here,
-
we can try do elsewhere tomorrow.
-
- But first we must get out of the forest.
-
(storm)
-
- They took the wrong path. They don't know,
this one leads past the gallows.
-
- I don't care about the gold and
the courtiers, and the shame I caused.
-
I want just one thing, Marenka,
to have clear mind.
-
Damn it! For once I wanna know
what to do.
-
I wanna know how to recognize the truth,
before it turns against me!
-
How is it, that I've never looked for her?
-
Haven't I installed a telescope,
-
to see far away,
what everybody's doing?
-
I... into their plates
do... look...
-
But having telescope is probably
not enough.
-
I suppose person should go into their
homes and see, hear and understand.
-
You're saying: mostly, do not have fear
to go among people.
-
And who is saying, that I am afraid?
-
Marenka, no matter the storm,
I am going now!
-
- Come already!
- Wait when it stops raining.
-
- I won't! Even if wheelbarrows
were falling from sky!
-
- And where do you want to go?
- Wherever,
-
where the bread is salted and
the king is good.
-
The one who rules here
is neither good nor a King!
-
If he expelled his own daughter,
what can you expect from him?
-
Yesterday he took the people's salt,
tomorrow he might shave their heads.
-
And it's sadly around here.
- And lack of salt!
-
- Come, come!
-
Come already!
We'll salt our radishes,
-
and have some beer,
- And salted roll!
-
- and bacon! Come then!
- Lucky men.
-
They'll salt some radishes, have some beer,
salted roll and bacon.
-
But what about me?
-
I've expelled my daughter,
yesterday I took the people's salt,
-
and tomorrow I'll shave their heads...
What am I saying?!
-
But who will help me?
-
- Alright, I will help you.
But I need Maruska for that.
-
Maruska!
-
Maruska!
-
- You were calling me, Granny?
- What's that good meal, you're cooking?
-
- A fish soup.
-
He's back from fishing and he's starving.
-
- Well, that's fine.
You'll be back in a moment.
-
But before that you must go to your daddy.
-
You're not glad?
- I am.
-
- You'd rather finish cooking
that soup, right?
-
What's wrong?
Did anyone hurt you?
-
- I hurt my daddy.
-
I always thought I loved him only.
With all of my heart.
-
- And suddenly there is a room
for the fisherman as well.
-
Don't be sad about that.
-
A good heart has room for all
people of good will.
-
It's like with this cup of salt.
-
It contains as much salt
as how much love is in your dad's heart.
-
If he wanted to salt only his bread,
the salt in this cup won't be enough.
-
If he wanted salt for everyone,
it's bottomless.
-
- Maruska!
-
Aw, I'm sleeping somewhere again
and you are my dream.
-
- I'm not your dream tonight.
It's real me, tonight.
-
- Really the real one?
-
- Carefully! Don't spill the salt!
-
- You have salt!
You don't have more?
-
- Is it not enough for you?
- Ah, not for me, but for the people,
-
and it's not enough for them.
-
- Maybe it's enough!
You know what? Let's try!
-
- Show me!
It's a bottomless cup of salt!
-
There's a whole pint of salt in it!
-
Not just a pint,
there's a whole tub of salt in it!
-
A whole heap of salt!
A whole hill of salt!
-
Mountains of salt!
Salt for the whole kingdom.
-
Salt for the whole world!
We'll salt our bread!
-
- What do you say?
Salting will go easily, right?
-
We'll salt everything!
-
And don't thank me,
it's all thanks to my Maruska.
-
I always said you could depend on her.
-
And I was always kind to her,
right Maruska?
-
Where is that girl?
-
Maruska?
Maruska! Maruska!
-
I don't care about salt,
I just want Maruska.
-
Maruska! Maruska!
-
Maruska!
-
Maruska!
-
Hey, person!
-
Hey, person!
-
Can you hear?
-
Person, haven't you seen Maruska?
-
- Why would I climb on pear tree?
-
- Nah, I'm asking if you've seen
my little daugter.
-
- I see!
-
You're lurking for a little squirrel!
-
- No! I'm asking if you have seen a girl,
a daughter of mine!
-
- Oh, I see!
-
That forest bees are swarming!
-
- Nooo!
-
- A father... a beautiful daughter...
young...
-
Me stubborn... I expelled!
She left...
-
Heart hurts... I am searching!
I am searching!
-
- You are searching. If you lost her,
find her yourself.
-
- And I will find her!
-
And just so you know, it was your King
you were speaking to!
-
- Hahahahaha!
-
(nature laughs)
-
- Just laugh, laugh at human misfortune,
you foolish plants.
-
Shame on you, you silly plant!
-
I'll show you who's the boss here!
-
I'm still King, Me the First!
-
Ouch!
-
What's happening?
-
I'm sinking!
-
Help!
-
I'll drown in the swamp!
Help!
-
I'll become a rock, turn into lignite,
they'll put me into stove!
-
Help me people, do something,
nature!
-
Wise plant!
-
- What are you yelling here for?
-
- Oh deaf person...
-
You won't hear me.
-
But one day here will be a sign:
-
"A king who ruled badly died in this mud,"
-
"he fed the false people,"
-
"and expelled the honest ones."
-
"He called himself: King, Me the First,"
-
"but he didn't know he was the last..."
-
What's happening?
-
I feel relieved!
-
I'm rising!
-
I'm going up!
-
- You've found solid ground
under your feet.
-
- A solid ground under my feet!
I won't perish?
-
Long live to me!
Everything can be put right!
-
- Run to the fisher's house.
- To the fisher's house?
-
- To Maruska!
- To Maruska!
-
(sneeze!)
-
- Daddy!
-
- Maru...
-
(sneeze!)
-
This cold is big as... (sneeze)
as a timber!
-
The steam is choking me!
But you make good hot grog!
-
- I taught her that.
-
- You be quiet. You're not part
of our family yet.
-
But you might have written
a line to me.
-
Not because l'm the King.
But father should know everything.
-
But you haven't made a bad choice.
I must say.
-
The crown will suit him quite well.
-
- It won't, mister King.
I prefer to stay at pond.
-
But if you want to make me happy,
make me a fish warden.
-
- What is he saying?
-
A queen can't marry to a fish warden.
-
- But I don't want to be the queen.
-
- Then who's going to rule according to you?
- You!
-
Look at the mess you've made.
-
And who should put things right?
-
You can do it.
You're in your best years.
-
- Do you think so? In that case I can
manage one more cup.
-
In my best years.
-
- If I might say what I think, then...
-
- Then what?
- Then you should marry again.
-
- That's true.
But where would I find...
-
- A bride?
-
It doesn't have to be one who has
a monogram with a crown.
-
- Of course! It doesn't!
-
It doesn't! Why should she have
a monogram with a crown?
-
Wine? Give it to the chief fish warden!
To the highest fish warden!
-
- What?
-
- I'm asking if you believe that salt
is more precious than gold!
-
- I do.
-
And do you know what is more
precious than salt?
-
- Everybody knows that!
Love, of course!
-
- And love is the salt of life!