I live inside a fat lady | Caroline Idoux | TEDxNouméa

Are you sure obese people are fat just because they eat too much? Gastric band surgery is not the miracle operation we are made to believe. Here, Caroline Idoux dismantles the stereotypes and popular thinking about obesity and challenges us to approach obesity within society from another point of view : the fat person's. For several years, journalist and writer, Caroline Idoux, has dedicated herself to providing another perspective on overweight people. Passionate about literature and communication, she approaches each facette of obesity with ease and straightforwardness.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Are you sitting comfortably?

(Audience) No.

At least, I'll make one person happy.
Sorry for the rest of you!

I ask you to please all stand up.

Go ahead, it will stretch your legs.

Everyone stand up, please.

There are lots of people tonight.

Perfect!

Now be careful, listen closely.

All those who have or think
they have 22 pounds to lose,

please sit down, only those people,
the others, just stay standing.

Everyone who has 20 , 30, 65,
or 90 pounds to lose, please sit down.

Everyone else, stay standing.

Thank you.

(Laughter)

It wasn't long, I know.

So... Perfect.

Those who are standing,
you are the winners tonight.

You belong to an ideal,
do you know that?

The thin body ideal.

To those of you who are
standing, I have a question:

when you go or choose a restaurant,

what is your most important
criteria for choosing it.

Go ahead, please answer.

The price? At this time,
that's not a bad one, yeah.

(Laughter)

Anything else? Nothing else
appeals to you in a restaurant?

Choice, quality, the menu,
enjoyment ... desserts.

Yes, desserts too.

Thin people always like desserts.

(Laughter)

You can sit back down, thank you.

As for me, when I go to a restaurant,

the first thing I look at are the chairs.

Are they suitable?

Do they have armrests? Are they sturdy?

Is there enough space between
the tables for my body type?

Can you already see the difference?

So this evening, we are
at the "Théâtre de l'Île,"

a beautiful venue, very well designed,

I never come here, never.

The chairs and the space between them
are too small and I bother my neighbor.

So, here tonight on stage,
how to put this?

Ten meters wide, nine meters
deep, six meters high...

(Applause)

(Cheers)

Well, that said, I'm not going to jump.

(Laughter)

No, I am already hearing thoughts
flying around the room, saying:

"Here we go, another fat women
who will give us a show

between complete self-acceptance
and being a victim of society."

Well, no.

No, I'm not going to tell you
that being outside the norms is good.

I'm not going to tell you
that living in this body is good.

Actually, I come to talk about us,

about the relationship obese people -
let us call us that way -

have with thin people,

with the extra 22 pounds,
and with modern society.

I was part of that society for 25 years.

And today, I live inside a fat lady.

It's a strange expression, isn't it?

I asked myself lots of questions
for a long time too.

People who know me well will all tell you,

I don't fit into the number one
cliche of a fat person

that is slumped on her couch,

eating chips all day
while feeling sorry for herself,

wearing a three-day old sweatpants
and smelling sweat.

Is this cliché a bit over-the-top?

Why is that?

It's what most of you believe
about fat people, right?

It is the cliche that prevents us
from living in the same society as you,

thin people, those 22 extra pounds;

one that drives us each day to search
for solutions for this extra weight

some have been
carrying since childhood;

one that judges us, isolates us,
and sometimes kills us -

and I am choosing my words carefully.

Another cliche, look at this photo.

It's a lady happily eating an ice cream
beside a swimming pool.

Do you really think she's peaceful?

I can tell you that she feels the stare
of that man in the background.

And what about the stare
of the photographer?

And then, she hears your remarks:

"Ah, a fat lady! The swimming
pool is going to overflow,"

"Wearing a bathing suit
with your weight is obscene!"

Seriously, what did she do
to them to deserve that?

After all, the extra pounds she has,
she knows about it, she's carrying them.

She's aware of them, and maybe she
doesn't care or maybe she does.

Maybe she just wants to eat
an ice cream beside the swimming pool,

just because she lives inside a fat lady.

Now, some will say, "She just has
to stop eating fast-food and junk food

which are the things responsible
for obesity in this world."

Well, that is the first preconceived
idea: fast-food = obesity.

It might be true if you go
to those restaurants everyday.

But let's be honest,
here in New Caledonia,

have we waited for fast-food restaurants

to gulp down two spring rolls
and a soda at 8 am?

(Laughter)

The second preconceived idea
is that she lacks willpower.

Ah! Fat people and willpower...
it says it all, almost all.

Do you really believe fat
people lack willpower?

Willpower is needed everyday
to leave the house.

Willpower is needed
to face the outside world,

especially the professional world.

Willpower is also needed
to face the medical world.

And it is needed to carry
all of those things.

Remember that an extra
11 pounds is one pant size.

An extra 22 pounds, everyone
know what it looks like.

With consistency, the problem
is solved within a few weeks.

At 44 pounds, it starts to get heavy.

But then, after that,
70 pounds, 90 extra pounds?

Or for those called the
"super obese", 130 extra pounds?

Now 145 extra pounds is that much.

Can you imagine the willpower
needed to carry this everyday?

Akeno, how much do you weigh?

I've always yearned
to ask that question to a boy.

It's a bit like asking a lady her age.

One hundred thirty? Be fair,
you don't weigh 130 pounds!

Akeno: Well, 125.

CI: 125 pounds, that is less
than the three jugs put together.

You can leave.

So how do we survive?
Because that's the real question.

Well, the task is huge.

It is at times and often
emotionally overwhelming.

And that's where the machine
runs out of control.

To survive in this society, some people
enter into a very complex mechanism

that systematically led them
to fail any attempt to diet,

and sometimes even
bariatric surgery.

This mechanism is a form
of mental dissociation.

Its expression in obese people is simple.

When you are overwhelmed
by an extra weight that is setting in,

you retreat into a very
complicated phenomenon

in which the body is obliterated
and becomes solely a mode of transport,

not unlike a car
in which you'd put gasoline.

As long as the engine is running,
you neglect the maintenance

and you'll only start to worry
when the car will stop but not before.

Twenty years ago, after
several hard blows to my career,

I began to significantly put on weight.

I entered the vicious cycle of dieting
with the success you can see.

Failure after failure, I ended
up in this kind of mental dissociation.

I had only 44 extra pounds at the time.

That's how, little by little,
I let my brain look after my body.

And what a result!

The person I see when I'm not
looking in the mirror, is her.

I mean, yes, she is twenty.

But she is what my brain
chose as a vehicle.

And until now, she has never
stopped me from moving forward.

Then, something happened
at the beginning of the year

that broke my pretty vehicle.

So that's an important image for me
because this story took place in my car.

I was peacefully driving with my
five-year old son in the backseat

when suddenly, he asked me,
"Mom, why are you fat?"

I gave him what I thought
was the most beautiful of answers,

and I though if he was
asking this question,

this meant it was bothering him.

I said to him, "It's because
Mommy is full of love."

(Laughter)

There was silence.

(Applause)

My son kept quiet
for a while, I must admit,

so I turned to him, and he said,
gesturing Italian-style,

"But Mom, you're talking nonsense!
You're just fat, that's all!"

And it is this "That's all!" that
brought me in front of you today.

It is this "That's all!" that makes
me say that with 90 pounds down,

I would feel better, I know,
I've already experienced it.

So why this motivation

that I find for everything
and sometimes even for others,

I don't use it to serve
this cumbersome body?

In my case, I remain convinced

that mental dissociation
is the number one cause.

No matter the amount of diet,
food rebalancing, exercise,

cold comments, and good intentions,
if you haven't reconciled

with what you are
and not just who you are,

nothing works, not even
gastric sleeve surgery.

Gastric sleeve surgery...
It is the world's anti-fat revolution.

You know, it's this surgery that involves
cutting open your stomach.

Seriously, can you imagine
cutting open your stomach?

At the start of this year, France made a
first assessment about sleeve gastrectomy.

After four years, the average weight loss

for a person weighing 300 pounds
is only 57 pounds, no more.

Other international studies have shown
that in the long term, eight years,

sleeve gastrectomy was a failure
for one out of two obese people,

one out of two obese people who had
been promised the wonders of thinness.

In short, weight loss is reversible
but not the loss of your stomach.

There's worse.

Patients who have had
surgery to lose weight

have a 50% higher probability
of suffering severe depression

or a suicide attempt.

Other experts have demonstrated

that patients tended
to replace food with alcohol.

So, seriously, do you have to be
desperate and at the end of your rope

to get to that place?

Assuming fat people are fat
purely because they eat too much,

which is false,

are we cutting off smokers' hands
to stop them smoking?

Furthermore, who are these
fat people who choose surgery?

In 2016 in France,
there were 60,000 of them.

and 30,000 underwent
gastric sleeve surgery.

When you look closely
at the figures, you realize

that barely 40% of them
were "super obese".

Yet, sleeve gastrectomy
was developed for the super obese,

or for obese people with
associated disease such as diabetes,

not for sixty-six extra pounds,

and not for the sake of appearances.

Have we allowed a drift to take hold

between cosmetic surgery
and life-saving surgery?

That's the question we can ask
knowing that 80% of patients were women.

I am neither for or
against bariatric surgery.

I am only saying

that the psychological or psychiatric
management of the patients

is important both prior
and even more so after the surgery.

So, what do we do?

As a patient or a healthcare
professional in France,

you can contact
an organisation called GROS,

the Reflection Group
on Obesity and excess weight.

Well named, right?

(Laughter)

I know its name is funny,
yet, GROS has existed since 1998.

It states three things.

Firstly, obese people experience
a genetic inequality in dealing with food.

You better get used to it.

Secondly, obesity equals obesities -
there are more than one -

and that is why
the treatment is complicate.

And thirdly, they advocate
cognitive restraint.

What is "cognitive restraint"?

It's quite simple:

if you pay attention
to your feelings when you eat,

you don't eat more than what you need,

except for one or two infringements
that you learn to manage,

like an ice cream, for example,
next to the swimming pool.

GROS has also organized workshops

for both patients and
healthcare professionals.

In these workshops,
people are taught to cook.

They find back flavors, taste,
satiety, the desire to eat well,

all those things that, paradoxically,
obese people have lost.

It requires a lot of letting go.

It requires that when you
eat a square of chocolate,

you don't stuff down the whole bar.

I promise you it's possible.

Above all, it requires letting go
of an extensive food education,

and of this motto you've all heard
at least once in your childhood:

"Finish your plate."

Finish your plate ... What a mistake!

All children eat intuitively
and do not let themselves die of hunger.

So, stop telling them
they are wasting food.

You all have a refrigerator.

Do not make them
feel guilty for not eating.

We eat with feelings,
we mustn't eat our feelings.

Every fat person will tell you:
unhappiness and how people think of them

push them towards food as a refuge.

Obese people must make
amends with their bodies.

It's a paradox, but it's true.

They will succeed in this even better

if you look at them, at us, with kindness

because we are just fat, that's all.

Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)