The Economics of Seinfeld: Kramer Cafe Latte's (Jackie Chiles)

(Jerry) Another cafe latte?

(Cosmo) Hey, you better believe it

(Jerry) Since when are you so trendy?

(Cosmo) Hey, baby

I set the trends.

Who do you think started this whole cafe
latte?

(Jerry) I don't recall you drinking cafe lattes?

(Cosmo) I've been drinking cafe latte
since the fifth grade

and I haven't looked back.

(Jerry) Hey, you better finish your
little cafe latte there.

They'll never let you in with it.

(Cosmo) Why not?

(Jerry) 'Cause they don't allow outside drinks

into the movie.

(Cosmo) Well, that's stupid.

(Jerry) That's the rule.

(Cosmo) Yeah, well, we'll just see if we can't

get around that.

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Excuse us.

(Cosmo:) Coffee.

(Cosmo in pain)

(Employee) Hey. Hey. What's going on?

What just happened here?

(Cosmo) Nothing. Nothing.

(Employee) What do you got?

What are those, cafe latte in your shirt?

(Cosmo) I don't have anything. What?

Ask him.

(Jerry motions drinking)

(Employee) Alright, come on coffee boy.

Bring it out. Bring it out.

Come on. Here we go.

Hey!

(Jerry) Sorry, about that movie thing

I was joking around.

(Cosmo) Sorry? Are you kidding?

You did me the biggest favor of my life.

I spoke to a lawyer.

We're suing for millions.

(Jerry) Suing?

What for?

(Cosmo) The coffee was too hot.

(Jerry) It's suppose to be hot.

(Cosmo) Not that hot.

(Cosmo) So, you know my friend and I

we were going to the movies and

we stopped off and bought this cafe latte.

(Mr. Chiles) Oh, what is that like Italian coffee?

(Cosmo) Yeah, that's right.

(Mr. Chiles) Half milk, half coffee?

(Cosmo) Yeah.

(Mr. Chiles) You take a sip?

(Cosmo) Yes, I did.

(Mr. Chiles) Now, when you took the sip

did you notice it was hot?

Were you able to sip it

in your normal fashion?

(Cosmo) No, I wasn't able to sip it in my normal

fashion.

(Mr. Chiles) Alright, alright.

You take big sips?

(Cosmo) Well, I think I've taken normal sips.

(Mr. Chisle) Okay, you take normal sips

nothing wrong with that.

Then what happened?

(Cosmo) Well, you know, uh...

They don't allow outside drinks in the

movie theater.

So, I had to put in my shirt to

sneak it in.

(Mr. Chisle) Yeah, see they like to sell their

own coffee.

(Cosmo) Now, is that going to be a problem?

(Mr. Chiles) Yeah, its going to be a problem.

It's going to be a problem for them.

It's a clear violation of your rights

as a consumer.

It's an infringement on your

constitutional rights.

It's outrages. Egregious. Preposterous.

(Cosmo) It's definitely preposterous.

(Mr. Chiles) So, then what happened?

(Cosmo) Well, uh...

I was trying to get to my seat

and I had to step over someone

and I kind of got pushed

and it spilled on me.

(Mr. Chiles) Was there a top on it?

(Cosmo) Yeah.

(Mr. Chiles) Now, did you put the top on

or did they put the top on for you?

(Cosmo) No, they put the top on.

(Mr. Chiles) And they made the top

you didn't make the top, did you?

Susie?

I want you to go to Java world.

Get me a cafe latte with a top.

We gonna run some test on that top.

Have you been to the doctor?

(Cosmo) Uh, no. No. I haven't.

(Mr. Chiles) Susie, call doctor Bison.

Set up an appointment for Mr. Kramer, here

tell him its for me.

(Cosmo) So, uh, what do you think Mr. Chiles?

(Mr. Chiles) Jackie.

(Cosmo) Jackie, I mean we got a chance?

(Mr. Chiles) Do we have a chance?

You get me one coffee drinker on that jury

You going to walk outta there a rich man.

You put the bomb on?

(Mr. Chiles) Who told you to put the bomb on?

I didn't tell you to put the bomb on.

Why'd you put the bomb on?

You haven't even been to see the doctor

If you going to put the bomb on

then doctor put the bomb on.

(Cosmo) I guess I screwed up, huh Jackie?

(Mr. Chiles) You damn right you screwed up.

Where'd the hell you get that

damn bomb anyway?

(Cosmo) The maestro.

(Mr. Chiles) The who?

Who are you talking about maestro?

(Cosmo) My friend, he's a conductor.

(Mr. Chiles) Oh oh oh so a maestro

tells you to put a bomb and you do it?

(Cosmo) Well, my stomach was burning.

I'll tell you what this is

this is public humiliation.

(Cosmo) Well, I didn't know the bomb was

going to work.

(Mr. Chiles) Do you know what a bomb is?

You ever seen a bomb?

Didn't you read the instructions?

(Cosmo) Well, I was ...

(Mr. Chiles) No one can tell what's a bomb

going to do

their unpredictable.

(Cosmo) Well, I'm sorry Jackie.

Pull over here driver

this is it.

(CEO) Gentlemen!

Gentlemen, come in.

Now, we don't want to take up

much of your time.

Let's make this short

and sweet.

We're prepared to offer you

all the free coffee you want

at any of our stores

through out North America and

Europe. Plus

(Cosmo) I'll take it.

(Mr. Chiles) I'll take it? I'll take it.

Who told you to take it?

Did I tell you to take it?

(Cosmo) No.

(Mr. Chiles) I know the maestro didn't tell you

to take it. He wasn't there.

(Cosmo) I thought we were lucky

to get anything.

Free coffee?

(Cosmo) Yeah,

(Mr. Chiles) I don't want free coffee.

It's not hard to get coffee.

I can get my own damn coffee.

I wanted to hear what came after

that plus.

Well, I didn't hear any plus.

(Mr. Chiles) Twenty years practice in law

I never experienced anything like this.

(Cosmo) Look, Java World.

Hey listen, I'm going to get out here

I'm going to get myself

a free cafe latte.

You can't put a limit on my cafe latte

it says so right here

and I don't want to get dirty looks

when I come in here

if I want a cafe latte, you get me

a cafe latte and if I have any problems

I'm going to get my lawyer

Jackie Chiles down here

you're going to be in really

big trouble.

(Jerry) Hey, hey, hey slow down Eddie

what's the matter?

(Cosmo) They're making faces at me

cause I've had a couple of cafe latte

But I'm entitled to them

I can have as many cafe latte

as I want. That was the settlement.

(Jerry) That's it?

(Cosmo) That's it. What? You want one George?

I can get one for you.

No problem. Jerry, you want one?

Their delicious. My pleasure.

(Jerry) You got to stop it.

You're all hopped up on the caffine

(Cosmo) Well, I feel like I'm talking

a little fast, but it's very hard to tell.

(Jerry) You're racing.

Well, well I got things to do.

I'll see you later. Bye.