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[ Cheering ]
-
>> A sneeze started this entire situation off.
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Okay? I'm standing next to this guy.
-
He turns towards me and he sneezes like
this, he goes [sneezing sound] [laughter].
-
I looked at him and I went, "God bless you."
-
[Laughter] Yeah, I said it like that.
-
I said it like, "God bless you."
-
Which you know is god bless you, but it kind of
sounded like, "Cover you're f-- - ing mouth."
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[Laughter] The guy looks at
me, and very condescending,
-
he goes, "uh, yeah, I'm an atheist."
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I'm trying to be polite.
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I don't know you're an atheist.
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Right? And even if I did, what am I
supposed to say when an atheist sneezes?
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Uh, when you die nothing happens.
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[Laughter] He goes [deep
voice], "Well what about you?
-
What did you grow up?
-
I said, "Well, I was raised catholic."
-
[Deep voice] "What do you believe
happens to you after you die?"
-
And I said, "Uh ok, well hopefully I live
a good life and my soul goes to heaven."
-
He's giggling.
-
He's like, "Do you believe this?
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This is what happens [laughter]".
-
So he's laughing at my beliefs and
finally I just snap and like, "What about?
-
Okay, what about you?
-
Alright? What happens to you after you die?"
-
Now he gets very serious,
like he's going to school me.
-
Okay? "I know what's going
to happen to me after I die.
-
After I pass on, my body will
become one with this earth.
-
And with that I will return
as a huge beautiful tree."
-
I hope when he dies he does become a tree.
-
And wouldn't it be fantastic if while he
was out there just enjoying his treeness,
-
through the woods a huge sweaty
guy with an axe comes along.
-
Sees him [making chainsaw
noises], chops him down, smash!
-
Put a chain around him and drag
him through the mud and the muck.
-
Through him into a sawmill, grind him up.
-
[ Grinding noise ]
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Then you pound him down into paper.
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Once he's paper, you print the Bible on him.
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[ Laughter ]
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[ Music ]
