Our America with Lisa Ling - Transgender Child: A Parent's Difficult Choice - Oprah Winfrey Network

Tuesdays at 10/9c on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network or visit http://www.oprah.com/ouramerica | Hailey, a young biological boy born as "Harry," has expressed from a young age that "he" is actually a "she." As a result, Haley's parents have made a difficult choice in how to best raise their child.

More than four years ago, Haley's parents, Barb and Steve began to recognize that there was different about their youngest boy.

"From the time Haley could express herself, it always was feminine.

She would always gravitate towards dolls [mother agreeing] and, you know, flowers." [laughter] "Right."

But it wasn't just that Haley seemed to prefer girl's things - that pink side of the world to the blue, something else was going on.

"We noticed that she was depicting herself as a girl in all of her pictures. Any self-portrait was all girl. Every kind."

So, what's this? "A picture of a fairy."

I notice that you have high-heeled shoes on in your fairy picture. Fairies don't wear high-heeled shoes, do they? "Yes, they do." They do?

In kindergarten, Haley began to assert herself in a whole new way.

"One day we heard from the teacher that Haley was in school having arguments with the boys, saying, 'I'm not a boy, I'm a girl.'"

Then, Steve and Barb's youngest son, Harry, changed his name to Haley all on his own.

Barb and Steve met with therapist after therapist.

They heard the same word over and over again: transgender, but their child was only 5.

"I remember the minute we were in the car and I just burst into tears."

"And that moment, was so, I don't know, like profound I felt like a had a dagger in my stomach.

I was so angry. I was incredibly angry."

How could someone feel they were born in the wrong body at such a young age?

Haley's story made me wonder how early we are aware of ourselves as male or female?

For Steve, a Lutheran and Sunday school teacher, his child challenged the most basic beliefs he held.

"I really had a far different feeling about gender and sexuality. I was embarrassed and felt ashamed.

I still was believing that this was some sort of phase and it would not be permanent."

Do you think the possibility exists that this still may just be a phase?

"I don't think that's going to happen now. If it does, it'll be okay with me, but I believe with conviction that my child here is exactly who she is. God made her just like this." "Yep."

No one knows why people are transgender. There are only theories.

Some think that it starts in the womb with hormone imbalances that change the brain to identify with the opposite gender.

What is clear is that many transgender people are like Haley, are strongly aware of who they are inside at an early age and the secret knowledge can lead them to a difficult future.

Many transgender children grow up hating their bodies and fall victim to high rates of depression, drug abuse and suicide.

For Barb and Steve, the choice was clear - to support their child in order to save her from a future of heartache and pain,

but they face a world that may not be as accepting of their choices.

There are some people who might say that you are encouraging this behavior, that you are encouraging this little boy to be something that he is not.

How do you respond to that?

"I certainly didn't wish this upon my child. This is going to be a hard road."

"I can't even get my children to use a napkin at dinner time. [laughter]

You think I'm going to be able to get my child to change genders?

I can't get her to brush her teeth at night, for Heaven's sake!

What we've done is finally come to terms ourselves with, you know, how to raise a healthy child

instead of raising a child who feels some sense of shame or secrecy about who she is, you know?"

[laughter] For now, Haley's friends are accepting, [laughter]

but Barb and Steve know it's going to get harder for her.

"For right now, right here, first grade's pretty safe, but the future can be really scary.

They go into adolescence and puberty, and everything's going to be complicated."

"The last few months, I've seen her becoming more cognizant and aware of,

'But other girls don't have a penis.Other girls don't have the body that I have.'

"Sometimes I sit there and I get really concerned, you know? [crying]

Who's going to love my child? Who's going to fall in love with her?"

For now, it's all about loving Haley as the little girl she feels she is,

but the physical reality of being a biological male is going to catch up with her.

What happens when a transgender child becomes an adult?

I'm about to learn that THAT can bring a whole other set of challenges.