Nevertheless | Drusilla Foer | TEDxPadova

Singer, actress and author of Tuscan origin, she has long been considered a style icon. Photographed by Mustafa Sabbagh and muse of artists such as David LaChapelle and Cindy Sherman, she debuted as an actress in cinema productions and well-known TV programs. Of cynical and anti-bourgeois character, she, at various times, offers her support to important social causes.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Right, now!

(Laughs)

Right, now!

Rebirth.

An important theme, don't you think?

What a fascinating theme!

I've always loved this word a lot,

even if the prefix "re-"

implies that something
didn't go totally well the first time.

Nonetheless, rebirth has within itself
something soothing,

because it expresses the possibility
of a second chance,

of a third, of a fourth.

And in its wide significant meaning,

it hosts a lot of metaphorical images,

from the most common, the everyday ones,

"I've worked like a madwoman,
ruined my back, it's killing me.

I had a sauna, I felt like I was ...

reborn!"

For the more existential, right?

"That relationship was hell.

We suffered a lot,
went through a lot of pain.

Then we broke up,

and afterwards, with time, I felt ...

reborn!"

It works!

Rebirth is a beautiful concept - it works!

It's a beautiful figure of speech.

Nevertheless, I cannot but express
my adversity to figures of speech.

Yes, because a figure of speech

is the way with which what's said
hides behind a barricade of vagueness

that expresses in a hurried,

often inaccurate, distracted way,

the quality of a feeling,
the quality of an emotion,

the quality of an experience -

no? -

taking away dignity,

in a way causing obscurity.

But let's talk about rebirth!

Actually, I want to give you an example.

When you consider yourself offended,

it's a way, rather bourgeois
and suppressed,

of avoiding admitting to yourself
that you are hurt.

I'd much rather
consider myself deeply hurt,

so that that hurt manifests
to me its full severity,

its full importance, its full meaning.

Yes, I prefer to say hurt than offended.

But let's go back to rebirth.

It's a word I've used very often -
I used it especially when I was a teen.

Yes, because when we're kids,

we're not too armed to understand
and give meaning to experiences.

So we use a vague term like that
to talk about it.

But now, that I'm old -

even if I make every effort
not to show it, I am -

well, now I have an urgent need:

that to give a name to feelings,

an exact name to feelings,
an exact name to emotions,

an exact name to experiences,

and find the exact place
for them in my soul.

I like accuracy, it soothes me,

because it makes me realize

that that feeling,
that experience, that emotion,

I've understood it, I've absorbed it,
and I've made it mine.

How I hate vagueness.

I love accuracy, in everything, eh?

In everything,
even in the silliest things.

If I need a mattress,

I want there to be those stores
called "Just Mattresses".

We're sure that there's a mattress there.

If I need a screw or a bolt,

I don't, of course, expect to find
"Your Shop for Bolts".

But I'm calmed by the existence
of a hardware store.

Another of my obsessions is symmetry.

My goodness, what stuff of old women!

Symmetry: two vases
placed above a fireplace,

a point A and a point B,

delimiting the interval between them
where you can put whatever you want,

the photo of an old relative,
a flower arrangement,

a beautiful African head sculpture -

there you go.

Miss Foer is going off topic.

No!

This is really my way,

the mattress, life, and the symmetry,

of trying to explain to you
that, at my age, you need certainties.

You need to clearly understand
what we ourselves sense, our own feelings.

And indeed, you want, you need,

every feeling to have
its mirror image, its opposite.

Yes?

Resentment - forgiveness.

Lightness - heaviness.

Brightness - darkness.

So, in this frenzy of mine,
a bit senile, of opposites,

given the meaning
of the word "rebirth" is valid,

does the word "re-death" exist?

No.

And where am I going to put
my African head?

Here certainties start to totter.

But to our luck, we have
two certainties in life.

Birth, point A,

and death, point B.

And in between there's
something beautiful, which is existence.

And also an even more wonderful thing:

it's finding a meaning for your existence.

No people, you cannot be reborn,
because you do not "re-die".

As soon as you enter life,
you are under obligation to live,

to stay alive,

to experience different experiences,

to feel important feelings,

like anger, pain, love, friendship,

devotion, recognition, belonging.

Ah! Life allows
that we put aside our beliefs

and replace them with others,
fresher, stronger, more vigorous,

that are more relevant to us.

In that moment, life makes it possible
for us to re-believe ourselves

without intermediate
re-deaths or rebirths,

let alone resurrections,

a privilege that has been given to a few,

and also hard to document, I believe.

(Applause)

Anyway -

(Applause)

I'll tell you,

I'll tell you about myself.

When I lost my beloved partner,

Hervé Foer -

he was a very sweet and very solid man -

well, when he passed away,
I felt completely lost.

My thoughts were full of death,

I didn't want to exist anymore.

I was so angry that he had left me alone,

in this world.

I was terrified.

My thoughts were
of disappearing, of dying.

I wanted to die.

But no.

Life didn't give me that luxury.

I had to stay alive,

in that life, in my life,

and deal with the loss of my love.

But with time, with time as life passes,

I regained my stability,

I rediscovered the value of little things,

I found a place for the love
of my beloved Hervé:

in his remembrance.

I certainly don't want to convince anyone
not to use the term "rebirth" anymore,

for which I want to express all ...

all my respect,

especially in its literary, poetic,
evocative, mystic, religious meanings,

in its meaning in relation to the soul.

But I invite you, every time
it's possible for you,

to choose carefully the name to give
to your shifting emotional feelings.

There are some wonderful ones:

"rediscover", "re-emergence",
"return", "rebuild".

And why not: "revolutionize"?

I will conclude

by voicing all my total antipathy
towards the figure of the Arabian phoenix.

This horrid agitated, loud,
exhibitionist, self-igniting bird -

that I also find vulgar -

and it rises and re-rises,
and the ash and the fire,

Holy Mary, such a mess, what a to-do!

Well, I hope that this Arabian phoenix

crumbles once and for all!

Crumbles!
(Applause)

Crumbles!
(Applause)

Also -

(Applause)

Yes, but also because it finds peace.

Right?

And if it does need to re-rise, be reborn,

at least let it not leave
too many ashes around.

Thank you!

(Applause)