Loneliness and the Illusion of Connection | Thich Nhat Hanh, 2012.12.13

Last time we spoke about home.

And we know that once we are home 
we don't we no longer feel lonely.

If you're at home, warm, comfortable, safe,

fulfilled.

So home is a place
where loneliness disappears

But where is home and the buddha said it very 
clearly that home is in us and there is an

island that you have to go back to the island 
itself and this is a practice not a theory

loneliness is the new being of our time

we feel very lonely even if we 
are surrounded by many people

we are lonely together

and there is a vacuum inside of us 
where you don't feel comfortable

with that kind of vacuum so we try to fill it 
up by connecting with other people we believe

that when you can connect with other people and 
then the feeling of loneliness will disappear

and technology supplies us with a lot of 
devices in order to connect stay connected

we always stay connected but we feel lonely 
continue to feel lonely we check email

several times a day we send 
email several time a day we post

messages every time and they want 
to share you're going to receive

are you busy you get busy during 
the whole day in order to connect

but that does not help with loneliness with 
reducing the amount of loneliness in us

this is what happens in the present 
moment in our modern civilization

our relationship

is not good

we are not in good relationship with our partner

with our brother with our sister with our 
parents with our society we feel very lonely

and

we have used technologies in 
order to dissipate to try to

dissipate that feeling of loneliness 
but we do not we have not succeeded

in in the tradition of 
Plum village every time i sit down

on a cushion

that is to connect with ourselves

because we in our daily life we 
are disconnected with ourselves

we walk and we don't know that we are walking

we are there but we do not know that we are there 
we are alive but we do not know that we are alive

we are losing ourselves we are not 
ourselves and that is happening

almost all day long long so the act of 
sitting down is an act of revolution

you sit down and you cut off 
you stop that state of being

losing yourself

not being yourself and when you sit down 
you connect to yourself and you don't need

an iphone or a computer to do that

you just need to sit down mindfully and 
breathe in mindfully and in a few seconds

you connect with yourself you know what 
is going on what is going on in your body

what is going on in your feelings

and your emotions what is going 
on in your perceptions and so on

you are already home and to take 
care of home you have left home

for a long time and home has become a

mess

so going home means to sit down and be 
with yourself and connect with yourself

and accept the situation as it is 
it is a mess yes but i accept it

because i have left home for a 
long time i have allowed things to

happen like that at home so now i'm home i i will

rearrange everything and with my in-breath 
my out-breath my mindful breathing

i begin to smile at everything 
and i will tidy up my home

i allow my body

to release the tension

or everything in and written down

and the buddha told me how to do that how to 
breathe in and how to release the tension in my body

i'm aware of my feeling of loneliness 
of sadness of fear of anxiety

i smile to the feeling of loneliness a 
fear of anxiety i say my dear loneliness

i know you are there i am hope to take care of 
you and you make peace with your loneliness you

make peace with your fear there's a wounded child 
in you you recognize her you recognize him and you

embrace him her tenderly in your arms that 
is the act of going home and taking care of home

every time you make a step

whether you are breathing in or 
breathing out go back to yourself

every step brings you home to the here and now

so that you can connect with yourself your body 
your feelings and that is a real connection

and you don't need a lot of technology to do 
that and this is the revolution this is the

the way to heal ourselves and our 
society we are losing ourselves

you are lost you have to find yourself 
again you have to go and christmas is a time

when you have to practice going home

there is an illusion of connection. You think with that 
technology with these devices you can connect

but you cannot really connect. How can 
you connect with another person when

you cannot connect with yourself? So the teaching 
of the buddha going home to the island of self

is the way to heal our society to heal ourselves

so with the act of breathing in you go inside

the way out is in

when you take a step you go in yourself 
because that step brings you home to the

here and now help you to connect with your body 
your body is your breathing your body is your feet

your body is your lungs and you are connecting 
with body with feet with breath with lungs

you are home because body is part of your home

when you spend two hours with your computer 
you forget entirely that you have a body

and with you without your 
body how can you be alive

so in Plum Village many of us

program a bell of mindfulness in our computer 
and every 15 minutes we hear the bell

and we stop working we stop thinking we go back 
to our breath we enjoy breathing in and we connect

with ourselves and we smile we become alive again 
we know that we have a body which is a wonder

our body is a wonder and connect 
is first of all connect with body

and then there is a feeling whether that is a 
feeling of sadness or anger loneliness it is us

we connect with our in-breath and out-breath and 
then with that mindful in-breath we connect

our feelings we smile to our feelings we say don't 
don't worry i'm home i have take care of you and

you embrace your feeling with tenderness whether 
it is fear or anger or loneliness and warm up

ourselves with that kind of practice this is 
an act of going home truly and you don't need

a technological device to do so

be a home for yourself the buddha 
said be an island unto yourself

at the deeper sana taking care taking refuge 
in the island itself that is the practice

recommended by the buddha

so when you walk from the parking lot

to your office why don't 
you go home with every step

why don't you why don't you 
continue to think to worry to suffer

every step can bring you home you walk like 
a buddha you act like a free person and that

is possible you recover yourself you connect with 
yourself with every step and freedom is possible

and you are recuperating yourself 
you are not losing yourself anymore

you connect with your body you connect 
with your feelings with every step

and every step bring your freedom

and if you can find a home for yourself

you can help your partner

to find his or her

because she is only also he is lonely 
also and he is looking for a home

for some warmth some safety

that is why once you have got a home

you can go to your partner 
you can go to the other person

and since you have a home you are in a 
position to help him to have a home also

and you are confident because you know

how to how to connect with yourself 
how to have a home for yourself

so that confidence in you will inspire him or 
her to do the same she can't find a home in you

and then she'll lean on that in order to

build home in her

now before you can go to him to her 
to help you have to help yourself you

have to connect with yourself and then when 
you have been able to connect with yourself

and then the next step is possible will 
be successful to connect with other person

and without the first step the 
second step is not possible

and you don't really need a

iphone or something like that you need 
your eyes to look at him with compassion

even if she is not in the same town

you can connect with him with her easily because 
you are already yourself you are already home

and whatever you say whatever you think will 
help her will help him to recover herself

and then when she was able when she is able to 
go back to herself and your relationship become

a real relationship

because both of you have home and that's 
why when you come together you find home

in each other at the same time as in each of you 
and this is a collective home for both of you

there's a home here there's a home here 
and there is a collective home here

and it is the base of everything 
if you want to help society

if you want to help community if you want to help 
your country and then you have to base on this

and when you have a true home you 
have happiness you have safety

you have fulfillment and then 
you are in condition to go

to the other

whether they are an individual 
or they are a society

a group of people so this is the way prescribed 
by the buddha everything has to begin

with yourself and the teaching 
the practice is very clear

every breath every step every sitting 
every act like drinking cleaning

if done in mindfulness help you to go
home and to enjoy the wonders of life

around you and in you. Your body is a wonder,

and the hills the clear streams of water- they 
are all wonders, and they have the power to heal

my brother fabiong is summarizing (?) as he's 
trying to put these ideas into a little

page and send to our friends so that they 
can practice during the christmas season

the practice of going home

to heal ourselves and help heal the world