I’m Mexican. Does that change your assumptions about me? | Vanessa Vancour | TEDxUniversityofNevada

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

We are really good at forming judgements of other people and jump to conclusions based on how they look, sound, by their last names and by the color of their skin. But imagine if you could develop a simple tactic to challenge the assumptions that limit your life.

Vanessa is a former TV anchor with a passion for bilingual storytelling. She loves journalism, culture, and believes in living an integrated life.

I have lost count of the number
of times someone asked me,

"How come you speak such good Spanish?"

Spanish speakers
as well as non-Spanish speakers

because I know I am not what they imagine
when they think of a Latin American.

My favorite way to reveal
I speak the language though

is by jumping into conversations
happening near me.

Because the other person
will usually say, "Hablas español?"

usually followed with, "I hope
I wasn't saying anything inappropriate."

We usually assume that we know
a person's background

but what I learnt at a very young age

is that I will never know
a person's story unless I ask.

I know that I'm not
what most people picture

when they imagine a Mexican-American,

and I don't fit the assumptions

that some people have
about the children of immigrants.

According to a recent study
from the Pew Research Centre,

more than 11 million people
living in the US

are undocumented immigrants.

And according to the Centre
for Migration Studies

more than five million children
born in the US

live with an undocumented parent.

And at one point, I was one of them.

My mum is from Mexico.

She was born and raised
in the state of Colima,

where my brother is also from.

I asked her about her experience

crossing the US border
for the first time last year

and recorded our conversation.

For the first time in my life,
I understood how courageous she is.

I also realized that my generation,
the children of these immigrants,

we will never know fear or loss
as deeply as those who came before us.

This story about an illegal crossing

is an important part
of my family's history.

It has greatly influenced my ability
to stand before you today

as the American daughter
of a Mexican immigrant

who is now developing the first bilingual
Spanish language media program,

as a faculty member
at the Reynolds School of Journalism.

(Applause)

In 1976, my mum's brother
was already living in the US

so he arranged for her to meet
with a Coyote, or a human smuggler,

at a motel in Tijuana.

Tijuana is a Mexican city
bordering California,

and it's a 27-hour drive from Tecoman
where my mum was living at the time.

She was only 20 years old

when she crossed the border illegally
to live with her brother,

leaving my brother,
who was only two at the time,

to live with our grandparents in Mexico.

Her first attempt at crossing
was not successful.

As she ran across the desert,
the people around her started yelling,

so she threw herself into the bushes
and held her breath.

She could hear the tires
of the border patrol vehicles approaching.

They were all detained and sent back.

Just a day or so after that experience,
she was connected with a different Coyote,

and this time she did
enter California successfully.

She worked as a nanny for a year
in southern California

before she moved back to Mexico.

Six years after that experience,
my mum lived in Tijuana, with my brother,

and that's where she met my dad.

She is going to be so mortified,

when she realizes that I'm telling
this many people how they actually met.

Because, growing up,

she would make my sister and me say
that they met through a "mutual friend."

(Laughter)

Sort of.

Think of it as the Mexican match.com
of the early 1980s.

(Laughter)

There is a matchmaker, a woman in Tijuana

who had a book, with pictures
of men and women looking for love,

and the story goes my dad saw
my mum's picture and picked her out,

and he would drive more than two hours,
one way, just to see her.

And even though she didn't speak
very much English,

and he didn't speak very much Spanish,
this somehow worked out.

They got married,

my mum and my brother moved with my dad
back to Long Beach, California,

and she took English classes there
when she was pregnant with me.

She became an American citizen in 2000.

(Applause)

Thank you.

I identify as a woman of color.

I straddle two worlds.

As a white woman and as a Mexican.

What most people don't know about me

is that I feel like my truest self
when I can speak Spanish.

As a white woman
I have people confide in me

their insecurities around
diversity or immigration.

They'll ask me things like,

"So how do I approach them,
without being offensive?"

I have well-meaning colleagues

who go through a roster
of ethnic-sounding last names

trying to pick out diverse students,

only to find out that that student
is not actually Hispanic.

And as a Mexican,

I hear how some Latinos talk
about the ignorant white person.

Some share their incredible stories

of their journeys into
the United States with me.

I also witness the discrimination
that exists both against the Latino

who either doesn't speak English

or against those
who don't speak Spanish fluently.

It is amazing to me that nearly 30 years
after being hurt by some of the things

people said about my mum,

I still have people tell me that any time
they hear someone speaking Spanish

they automatically assume
that they are illegal.

Or that one of my students
at the university

was warned by her own parents

that her teachers probably
would not expect much from her,

because she is Mexican.

Or that one of my colleagues

was overheard saying that the only reason
I have the job that I have now

is because I was the only
Hispanic candidate.

I didn't speak English until I was five.

I vividly remember
being pulled out of kindergarten

to count gummy bears in English.

And growing up, people would often ask me
if I knew Spanish so well

because of my Mexican nanny.

(Laughter)

Yeah, I always wondered why they
wouldn't just assume that she is my mum.

It also never occurred to me
that my friends' parents

weren't also pulling over
at the strawberry field

on their way home
from my elementary school

and running out of their cars

to yell, "Allí viene la migra,"
"Allí viene la migra,"

the way that my mum used to do,
to warn the field workers

that there was an immigration van
around the corner.

So your parents didn't do that?

(Laughter)

Everyone here today has made
an assumption about someone.

Someone you are meeting
for the first time,

and most likely someone you already know.

We are really good at
forming judgments of other people.

We jump to conclusions
based on how they look,

how they sound, by their last name,

whether or not they have
tattoos or piercings,

and certainly by the color of their skin.

I'm guilty of it too.

I emailed a film maker

asking if he would consider
talking to my students

about the provocative content he produces.

He has a Hispanic last name,

and he is outspoken about
being an undocumented immigrant.

I thought it would be a great fit
with my bilingual project,

given his Latino background.

I never heard from him,
and then last summer

I got to attend a conference
where he was one of the keynotes.

And at one point he mentioned
his Filipino background.

(Laughter)

I sank into my chair,

because I just committed
the exact same mistake

that I warned other people against.

And I am still so embarrassed about that.

Assumptions are limiting,

and they can have
a severe impact on our life.

Assumptions represent fixed views.

But how do they even form?

Is it influenced by your identity?

By your family?

Maybe it's what happens to you.

But you know who
approaches life without bias?

Children.

I love watching my daughters
navigate new situations

because it reminds me

that we aren't born
with preconceived notions.

When my older daughter was a toddler

and had just started talking,
putting sentences together,

we went to the store.

And the parents in the room,

you know that kids are going to say
exactly what they think.

(Laughter)

So we were standing in line,
waiting to pay, and she says,

and I swear she was shouting,

"Look mommy, her skin is like chocolate."

(Laughter)

She is pointing to a black woman,
and everyone around us,

including this woman,
has just heard what she said.

But the thing I realised in that moment,

is that my daughter was just describing
the person she saw.

She wasn't making a racial statement,

and it wasn't attached
to any kind of judgment.

So, with what felt like all eyes on me,
I took a deep breath and I said:

"It does. And isn't she beautiful?

Do you want to introduce yourself?"

You have always held the power
to challenge your assumptions.

At some point in your life,

that power was only momentarily
taken away from you.

Maybe you had a bad experience

and then associated everyone
in that category with it.

But imagine if the next time
you caught yourself making an assumption

you paused.

I just counted to five in my head.

It can feel like an eternity,

especially if you are standing on a stage
staring into a sea of people.

(Laughter)

It's a trick I've developed over the years
to help me be a better listener,

and gather my thoughts
and communicate ideas more clearly.

We are terrified of being wrong.

We don't like to seem like we don't know
what we are talking about.

So we would rather make something up,
or nod along quietly,

instead of learning
to say three simple words:

"I don't know."

It can be the most liberating phrase
you ever learn.

Have the courage to admit
what you don't know.

So that the next time you are out

and you hear someone
speaking another language,

or you are going through your roster

and you are trying to pick out someone
by name alone,

or you meet a child that doesn't look
like his or her caregiver,

take a breath,

challenge that assumption
that just crept into your mind,

and have the courage to ask.

Because these five seconds
can transform your perspective

and open the door into a world
without limits.

Many thanks.

(Applause)