YMS: Fateful Findings

[YMS] Fateful Findings is a work of sheer Breen-ius.

This masterful film was directed
by none other than Neil Breen,

a man who seems as though he was
plugged straight out of a Tim and Eric skit.

[clip] Hi, thanks for checking
out my crowdfunding site.

My name is Neil Breen, I'm a filmmaker.

It's a sci-fi-uh-sci...

... science fiction drama.

Twisted... uh...

dirty, dark, edgy...

It is not a midnight movie. It's a legitimate
mainstream full-length feature film.

[YMS] I shit you not, this man is the next big
thing in "So-bad-that-it's-good" filmmaking.

Quite honestly, the biggest reason I'm reviewing this
film is because not enough people know about him.

Not a single one of his films has even
broke five hundred ratings on IMD-Breen,

and that's not okay, America! For shame!

For shame, America!

So sometime last year, someone tweeted me, suggesting
I add Fateful Findings to my watchlist. And I did.

When I finally got around to watching it, it was one of
the most magical film experiences of my entire life.

There was a point in the film
where I was laughing so hard

that my roommate from downstairs had to come
up to my room to see what the fuck was so funny.

I think this scene kinda speaks for itself:

[clip] I'm gonna shoot this
damn car full of holes!

No! No! No!
[gunshot]

Jim! Amy!

You... killed him!

- Dad! Dad!
- No! Ally! Don't go in there!

[YMS] Neil Breen, aka God, has been making films since 2005,
and thankfully, he is just starting to get a bit of attention.

RedLetterMedia covered his first film
Double Down in their "Best-of-the-worst" series,

so as soon as I saw their video, I was like:
"Holy shit! He made the same movie twice!

Dead wife? Magic Rock? An unnecessary
amount of old laptops? Hacking??!!"

It was at this point that I had realised
there was something very special here.

So I promptly bought every single one of his films.
They showed up exactly how you see them now.

Cracked jewelcase, but hey,
at least it's Breen autographed!

Also, in the spirit of his own movies,

the actual process of purchasing his films is
needlessly convoluted and difficult to understand.

If you wanna purchase Fateful Findings,
you just buy it on his website,

but if you wanna purchase
Double Down or I Am Here.... Now,

you have to click the link to
purchase Fateful Findings,

but then add special instructions to the seller to
specify which movie you actually want to buy.

And nowhere on the website does it say this.

I literally would not have known how to
purchase two out of three of your films

if I didn't happen to see this post on
the Fateful Findings Facebook page.

So Neil Breen, if you're watching this,
could you maybe update your website,

so that people who want to buy your movies
can understand how to buy your movies?

Or is the actual process of buying
your movies just a metaphor?

Now, I'd already seen Fateful Findings, so I could attest to
the fact that it's a perfect movie to watch with drunk friends.

So naturally, I invited some people over for a viewing in
the hopes that I could record some genuine reactions.

What I didn't realise, however, is that we would
stay up all night watching all three of his films,

and I gotta say, this trilogy is quite the holy trinity,
a delicious three-Breen salad if you will.

So before we get into Fateful Findings, let me give you a quick
rundown of his first two films, starting with Double Down.

So first of all, if you haven't seen RedLetterMedia's
breakdown of this film, you probably should.

Watching everyone loose their shit, while
Rich Evans desperately tries to explain the plot

is probably the best thing you could watch to
set your expectations for this masterpiece.

This movie is absolute fucking nonsense.

I would say a good 25% of the
movie is literally just stock footage,

and the rest of the movie is just the same
scenes happening over and over again.

It's seriously as though he filmed
several takes for each shot,

then later edited his movie together only to
find out he had 25 minutes of usable footage,

and then just decided: "Hey, what about
those other takes that I didn't use?

We could just use those and
then I'll have a feature length film!"

It seriously feels as though
that is a likely possibility.

I swear to God, he runs up that
mountain, like, thirty fucking times.

[people clapping]

[clip] Neil Breen! He's done it again!

[people yelling "Breen!"]

[laughing]

Oh my god!

- "Yeah, I don't care about the boom girl."
- Lighting: None!

Why would you credit something that nobody did?

Why would you credit something that nobody did???

[YMS] Four years later and Neil Breen releases
his second feature film titled I Am Here.... Now.

Now this film was the last one we watched that night,
so there weren't that many people left.

But that didn't stop it from
being mind-blowingly hilarious.

[clip] I'm so happy we're watching this.

- And feel bad for everybody-
- I feel bad-

OOOOOOH.

[laughing]

Turbo christ!

So with Neil Breen being a super intelligent
hacker assassin in the previous film,

he decided to make his next
character even more omnipotent.

And I mean, how much more powerful can a character
get without just turning him into a su-Breen being?

In this masterpiece, Neil Breen
plays Alien Jesus... kind of.

Once again, this film is quite repetitive,
but at least it's a little bit more comprehensible.

A little bit.

So basically, Neil Breen created all
the planets and he comes back to earth,

only to be disappointed in how
shitty human beings are as a species.

You see, Neil Breen is the ultimate moral authority,

and he really likes it when people are good,
and he really doesn't like it when people are bad.

And the movie really feels as
though it needs to emphasize

which characters are good
and which characters are bad

So the only characters you'll ever see are
either exaggeratedly kind or exaggeratedly evil.

[clip] Aaah! What the hell man!

That's just not right.

[scream]

"Slow down!"

[scream]

[YMS] It's pretty much just a movie about Neil Breen
being a superior Bree-ing than everybody around him.

Interlaced with Birdemic: Shock and Terror
levels of political commentary.

[clip] Now that we've paid off our fellow
elective representatives in the legislator,

that environmental solar panel
development bill will fail next week.

[clip] So because the evil corporate businessmen
sabotage solar development, this girl gets laid off.

So how is she supposed to feed that fake baby now?
Perhaps she should train to become a military sniper.

No instead, her twin sister says she can
hook her up with a stripper/ escort job.

So she takes her to this
gang filled with weirdo's

who only ever seem to stand around with
their guns in the middle of the fucking road.

And man, let me tell you,
they are quite the immoral people.

[clip] I get her first.

[gunshot]

[scream]

[YMS] So later, the wheelchair man sees
that the fake baby dropped something.

Man, if that isn't a good deed, I don't know what is.

Neil Breen, why don't you work
your alien techno Jesus magic?

[clip] Ooooooooooh!

Are you kidding me?

[YMS] This is literally the second film in a row
where Neil Breen cures someone's cancer.

So now, the girl's twin sister
decides she will also start hooking,

and her boyfriend decides
he will start stealing cars.

But the gang gets mad that
he's stealing cars on their turf...?

So they kill him in a very griddy and realistic way.

Then they show her the
body for some reason.

[scream]

[clip] What? This damn piece of garbage?

[gunshot]

[exact same fucking scream]

[YMS] So now, the gang finds out that
there's an undercover cop amongst them.

So naturally, they give him the most
epic beatdown ever captured on film.

[ ♪ Bill Conti - Gonna Fly Now aka Rocky theme song ♪ ]

[YMS] So naturally, Neil Breen steps in by
freezing everyone in time to save this man.

And then he crucifies them home depot style.

Now obviously, after that point, his work is done and he leaves.
But not before some other really weird shit that I don't understand.

[clip] What draws you to create those kind
of images? I mean, baby heads in the desert?

I'll leave it up to the audience the
meaning of little heads in the ground.

The surreal quality of those...

Well, it means whatever you want it to mean.

I'm not here to tell you how to interpret the film. I'm telling
you and I affront you there's more than one meaning.

[YMS] Well, thanks for stopping by, Neil Breen, you were too good for this planet.

[clip] - "Stop Music Courtesy by stockmusic.net"
- Stock music dot fucking net! Fuck you!

[YMS] And last but not least, we have the masterpiece known as Fateful Findings, starring Neil Breen.

In this film, he tones down the narcissism just a tad and plays an actual human being instead of an alien super Jesus.

Although he still has superpowers bestowed on him from a magical rock.

And he does spend the whole movie being morally superior to everyone around him.

He's pretty much the only character that's not a scumbag or drug addict.

So the movie starts out with more free play music, yaaay!

[clip] - What's this kind of shot called again?

A good one.

[laughing]

[YMS] We then see a storage locker and a big ass book
that I guess someone's just sprinkling glitter over top of.

We then see two kids running through a field and they then walk
past what appears to be a repurposed prop from Double Down.

[clip] Ooooooooh!

[YMS] They then find a mushroom
that turns into a treasure.

[clip] A treasure!

[YMS] So now, the girl's moving away and they have
their final goodbyes as awkwardly as possible.

[Hitler] Es ist ein kleine wurzellose internationale
Clique die die Völker gegeneinander hetzt.

[clip] They find two kids who have never
waved before, and then have a dog-

[laughing]

Still going!

[YMS] So this kid grows up to be Neil Breen, and we
see a shot of him talking on the phone with his wife.

And by that, I mean he's not saying anything at all,

but the way they filmed her makes it seem as
though that's what supposed to be happening.

"Ooooh fuck!"

So he got hurt pretty bad and now he's in a
room that's supposed to look like a hospital...?

[clip] This is definitely someone's house.

You've never been to a carpeted hospital?

I have those blinds. I have those blinds.

[YMS] Yeah, that's right, check his pulse. If only he had
some sort of a machine that could do that for you.

So everybody else leaves but luckily, he's had
the magic rock in his hand this whole time.

You know, on second thought, I'm not really all that sure
that Neil Breen's actually playing a human in this one.

Because apparently he doesn't need needles and
he just absorbs shit through his fucking skin.

Also, apparently they feel as though it's necesssary
to filter the oxygen through his bandages...?

- You take off the mask, will you die?
- It would be extremely painful!

[laughing]

I just noticed that!

[YMS] So he leaves the "hospital" and all of the sudden,
some feet show up, only to immediately fucking disappear.

So now, we see the carpet in Neil Breen's home, which
looks suspiciously similar to the carpet in the hospital.

He hops in the shower and we get a
romantic scene with him and his wife.

[laughing]

[YMS] You know, the blood in this movie
actually looks a lot better than in most movies.

Congratulations, Neil Breen!

You did it. Good Job. I can't believe it. I'm proud of you.

Now, he's in his office,
and pretty much any time he's here,

you can expect there will be some
sort of violence against his laptops.

[clip] Oooooooh!

[laughing]

[YMS] Now, we're at his friend's house and the carpet looks
suspiciously similar to the other carpets in every other scene.

And the blinds look suspiciously similar
to the blinds in every other scene.

[clip] Wha-What-What where the, uh, but if you don't mind,
if you don't mind talking about budget-wise, uh, ballpark. What were some-

No, budget, budget, producers, low-budget Indie producers
like myself should never talk about budgets.

- Oh that's fine.
- Budgets are really irrelevant.

My immediate comment back to someone like you is...

You know, I'm not gonna tell you what the budget is.
You tell me, you don't have to tell me, but I mean you (inaudible)

You tell me what you think the budget was,

you tell me what you think budgetarily it took to
create and make that film look the way it looks.

[YMS] Back at home, Neil Breen
asks his wife to get him his pills.

[clip] Where are my pills?

Thank you.

I don't need these.

[YMS] During the film, Neil Breen has
several hallucinations with the rock,

wherein he is suddenly inside a room
made out of garbage bags. It's a metaphor.

Later, it seems as though Neil Breen has found the most
irresponsible way to drink coffee with your laptop.

[clip] Ooooooh

Okay, now it's fine.

"Need... Coffee..."

[laughing]

Oooooooooh!

He did it!

[YMS] One of my favorite things about Neil Breen's
films is just how fucking clumsy everyone is.

People are always spilling shit,
falling over or just plain fucking up.

I shit you not, all you gotta do is change the footage to black
and white and all of a sudden you're watching an infomercial.

[clip] Are you tired of this happening to you?

There's got to be a better way!

Are you tired of not being able to
eat your tuna while you're driving?

Do you find you ever get painful
headaches that just won't go away?

There's got to be a better way!
- I'm feeling less stable.

Do you feel like you're always struggling to stay awake?

There's got to be a better way!

Try Neil Breen! The only 100% doctor recommended
and MTA approved way to cure all of your symptoms.

Ugh!

[YMS] So now, he's having dinner with his friends and the
porno quality acting becomes more apparent than ever.

[clip] I'm hungry. I can't wait for dinner.

[YMS] Meanwhile, the film decides to emphasize
what a piece-of-shit drunk the dad is.

[clip] Can I have some wine please?

[YMS] Wow, you're, like, not even gonna clean that up.

So one of the subplots to this film is that Neil Breen
is hacking the government to expose secrets...?

And I guess he didn't really know how he was
going to plant those seeds for the audience.

Fuck it! He'll just say it out loud to himself!

[clip] I'm going to continue hacking into these
government systems to see what I can find out.

[typing]

About all this national and international
corruption I know is going on.

[typing]

[YMS] So apparently, Neil Breen's wife is a pill junkie and
she's been stealing his medication right out of the toilet.

Neil Breen says "Let's talk", but then the
scene ends and cuts to him on his laptop.

Also, apparently the last four
keys he hit were with his mind.

[typing]

- [clip] I'm done talking.
- [YMS] What...?

Did you, like, follow him into this room to say that?

[clip] Really?

[YMS] Okay, so it's pretty obvious he scavenged
Craigslist for broken laptops at some point.

And I guess after acquiring them, he decided he was
going to get as much use out of them as possible.

There are so many goddamn scenes that
revolve around him abusing his laptops.

I have to assume that this is the only
reason the conversation moved to the office.

Fastforward to a bit later and they're
already bickering at each other again.

[clip] There is another girl.

No. That is not true.

[laughing]

[clip] "Maybeeee."

[YMS] So now, we're having a barbecue by the pool.

I should mention that this is the
same pool from I Am Here... Now.

It's during this scene where piece-of-shit
drunk dad manages to pull this party trick.

More importantly, this is where the
"plot" starts going somewhere, kind of.

So this girl gets a call on her cellphone, and I
guess her ringtone is just two keypad beeps.

[beep sound effect]

"If only there was a product that allowed me
to have an extra pocket outside of my jeans!

There's got to be a better way!"

So if you haven't guessed, this is the
book from the beginning of the movie.

[clip] It's a magical day!

[YMS] Apparently, this girl aged a lot
more gracefully than Neil Breen did.

Apparently, it was such a magical day that she keeps this fucking booklet inside her pocket everywhere she goddamn goes for thirty fucking years!

[clip] I think of you every day.
I think of you every day.

[YMS] Well, that explains that look he was giving earlier.

So now, these two are fighting for basically no reason,
and it eventually turns into that scene I showed earlier.

[clip] I'm gonna shoot this damn car full of holes!

No! No! No!
[gunshot]

[ ♪ Hide and seek - Imogen Heap ♪ ]

[YMS] Somehow, Neil Breen eventually
manages to get inside the house.

All right, now can we all imagine just how dramatic and emotional this must have been in Neil Breen's head when he was planning this out?

Apparently, it makes the scene even more
dramatic if you get blood on your face.

[clip] I can't believe you commited suicide.
I cannot believe you committed suicide.

How could you have done this?
How could you have committed suicide?

[YMS] Later, Neil Breen is in an argument
over the phone about publishing his book...?

He decides to throw shit at
his laptop for good measure.

[clip] That first book made a fortune for you.

[YMS] Later, Neil Breen and his long lost
mistress go back to that magical spot.

Meanwhile, his wife stays at home and kills herself.

Later, it seems as though he's adjusted
to his replacement wife quite effortlessly.

He decides to tell her about how
he's hacking the government.

Shortly after that, he starts feeling a sudden urgency
to leak all of the non-specific information he's collected.

[clip] I can't wait any longer.

I'm not ready for this!

[YMS] But apparently, somebody already knows what he's
doing and now they're kidnapping his replacement wife.

[clip] - Oooooh!
- What the fuck?

Bad guy!

- He knew the bomber!
- Oh, from his super secret hackings!

- Hey, it's 90 minutes in and we have an antagonist, great!
- I know!

[laughing]

Go! Out of here!

No! No!

[screaming]

[clip] Are you tired of this happening to you?

[Derek Savage] Gun self-defense for women covers
from basic to advanced knowledge on guns.

From pistols to shotguns.

This film also covers mace, knife protection,
stunt guns, knife protection, karate self-defense,

mace, knife protection, mace, karate self-defense, baseball, bullying, karate self-defense, bullying, baseball!

[YMS] He shows up to the trailer outside a storage locker where she's being kept prisoner to find the kidnapper conveniently asleep on the job.

He wakes him up to knock him out and then
uses his magic powers to teleport into the room.

He saves the day and then his house turns
into paranormal activity for some reason.

And now time for the most epic finale
in all of cinematic fucking history!

Neil Breen holds a press conference in front of the
White House to talk about the files he'll be leaking.

[clip] I have discovered more information
than any hacker ever has.

Ever.

What I have found will shock you.

[YMS] And in response, we see a compilation of
corrupt policitians and CEO's killing themselves.

[clip] I'm afraid of going to prison.

They now know my crimes.

[clip] Don't do it!
[screaming]

[gunshot]
[laughing]

[clip] I resign today, as president of the bank.
[YMS] "The bank".

You can't make this shit up, people! If this
isn't a happy ending, I don't know what is.

[People clapping]

- Craft services!
- They provided the hotdogs!

They provided the barbecue.

- He made the hotdogs the whole time!
- Ah, what a twist!

[YMS] So in conclusion, all of you need to
start watching these movies right fucking now.

Fateful Findings was easily my favorite
with Double Down at a close second.

But each of these films are special and
entertaining in their own unique way.

Now, if I truly wanted to dissect these films and mention
every single thing I see, this video would be hours long.

I mean, there was a lot of shit
that I didn't even mention.

Partially, because I want there to be plenty of
observations that other Youtube reviewers can pick up.

Guys, his movies are so fucking
comedically exploitable, you have no idea.

The other reason why I left out so much is because
I want everybody to experience these movies firsthand.

There are so many common elements in each of his films
that it's a shame no one's made a drinking game yet.

Actually, you know what,
I'm gonna make one right now.

I'm calling it: "Breengo".

[clip] Breengo!

[YMS] Now, it's up to you whether or not you want to make an actual bingo board out of it, or just drink any time one of these things happens,

but here's everthing from his films I noticed
that I feel would be appropriate to include:

Someone dropping something.

Skull or skeleton.

Fade effect.

Neil Breen mentions or demonstrates his magic powers.

An adult female character who is clearly wearing no bra.

Repurposed prop or location.

Hacking.

Ghosts.

Driving in the desert.

Dead wife.

Magical rock.

Laser pointer.

Stock footage.

Character shifting between old
and young in the same scene.

A topless woman laying faced down.

Ripped clothes.

A shot of clothes hitting the floor or ground.

Neil Breen talking to himself.

Corporate businessmen.

Shot of someone's feet.

Swimming pool.

Blood on Neil Breen's face.

Shirtless Neil Breen.

Someone disappears through basic editing tricks.

Violence against laptops.

So if you watch the whole trilogy and take a sip of beer
every time you see one of those things, you will die.

But hey, at least you had fun, so fuck it!

In all seriousness, Neil Breen clearly has a passion
for what he's doing, and I wanna see more of it.

So everybody help him out and support
the artist by purchasing one of his films.

I mean, if you can figure out how to, that is.

And just when you thought news couldn't get any better,
he's got another film to be released this year.

[clip] I am not of this earth. I am artificial
intelligence from far into the future.

I have taken on this human body in order
to communicate with the humans.

I can move from one time plane to another.

[YMS] Well, there you have it. We have truly been blessed with quite possibly the most important new voice in independent cinema.

The father, the son and the holy alien space Jesus.

The real human Breen.

[ ♪ College & Electric Youth - A Real Hero ♪ ]

[ ♪ Real human Breen ♪ ]

[ ♪ And a real hero ♪ ]

[ ♪ Real human Breen ♪ ]

[ ♪ And a real hero ♪ ]

[YMS] Hey guys, this probably looks very different,
and that's because I'm in Mark's office right now.

Anyway, very special thanks to Brendaniel who agreed to do some very short notice voice-acting for that informercial segment.

I had already recorded it with my own voice, but I don't
have the suave, uh, Markiplier-esque voice that he does,

so go check out his channel.
There's a link in the description.

There's a video where he read the entire script to Bee Movie,
and I know that that's a spicy meme right now.

Also, very fucking important crazy shit:

We're getting our first T-shirts.

I'm gonna have T-shirts now. It's been, what, like,
ten years on Youtube total, including all my channels.

As of June 20th, liteally on the website for ten years.

I've had this film review channel since 2010
and this will be the very first YMS merchandise ever,

and I can't believe it's taking so long, but part
of the reason why it has taken up until this point,

is because I kind of wanted all the stars to align before signing onto something or making kind of a commitment like that.

I know that there are websites
like Teespring and Spreadshirt,

but I wouldn't really have a level of communiation with
them since they're offering the service to so many people.

I don't really know what the
quality of their shirts are like.

However, I have a friend that literally started his T-shirt
company this year, and I decided to go through him,

because I've seen his shirts in person, I know he doesn't use cheap shit and he actually uses good materials to print the shirts,

and this way, at least I'm able to have a level of
communication with the person who's selling the shirts too.

So it's a win/win for everybody, the design
is actually made by a good friend as well,

you can check out her website,
there'll be a link in the description.

The reason why I'm not wearing one of these shirts right now is because they're literally two days away from being complete and printed.

But I figured I would advertise them in this
video anyway, because, I mean, why the fuck not?

I'll show the T-shirt in a next video or
something so you can see it for yourselves,

but here's the design, if this looks like something
that you would want to wear on your face...

... go for it. Go for it. Do it. Eat it up.
Eat it up. Sell out. Sell out. I'm selling out, guys.

Everybody, I'm done. I'm done.
I'm selling out. It's over.

"What happened, YMS? I thought you were against everything that involved making any kind of money? That's what I remember."

Seriously though, it's great that I'm doing this thorugh
a friend and not some random people I don't know.

He was actually in this video that you just watched.

He was one of the voices in that room full of people
that I blessed with Neil Breen's holy trinity.

He was the gay-est sounding voice in the room, so that way,
you know for a fucking fact that those are good quality clothes.

Anyway, now that I'm done this, I'm off
to work some more on my 2014 list.

2014 just happens to be, like,
one of the best years for movies ever,

so it's taking longer than expected,
which is why I decided to release this sooner...

Work on... finish this up before
I was finished my 2014 list.

Anyway, just letting you know that it will literally be
the longest review that I have... or sorry, the lo... Well...

Actually, probably both. It will be the longest list that
I've ever made and my longest reviews have been lists,

so it'll probably be the longest
video on my entire channel.

So that's what I'm working on.
Stay tuned. Love you guys.

Thank you so much, all you Patrons on whichever side, I don't
know if the camera's flipped or not. I guess they're over here.

I don't know. Thank you guys so much
and I'll catch you on the flip side.