-
(girlish voice) How come
there aren't any emojis
-
of hot emo boys making out?
-
(Ian) SHUT UP!!!
-
In 1998, Shigetaka Kurita
used the first emoji.
-
(gong booms)
-
Ten years later, Apple held
a top secret meeting
-
to develop emojis for their products.
-
The following is
a completely accurate
-
historical reenactment
of what took place.
-
(Steve Jobs) Thank you all
for attending my secret meeting
-
on such short notice.
-
Before we begin, let us all pray
to the Great Apple in the Sky.
-
(all mutter incoherently)
-
Okay, shut up.
That's enough.
-
Here's the deal, folks.
-
Whenever I send a text message
to my lovely mother,
-
auto-correct always f*cks it up!
-
So I was thinking we need
a universal language
-
that cannot be misinterpreted,
and that's where I came up
-
with these weird little picture thingies.
-
I call them Apple iPics.
-
Those already exist
and they're called emojis.
-
You know, I was just thinking
that maybe instead
-
I should call them emojis!
-
I just said that.
-
Anybody have any ideas
for some more emojis?
-
Yes, annoying guy in the front
with all the logic?
-
Well, I think it would be nice
to have all ethnicities
-
represented with their own emoji.
-
Oh my god, that is
the most boring thing I've ever heard.
-
Uh, next?
-
Four pages of smiley faces,
so I can show how I'm feeling
-
because I'm a normal guy
and I can't express emotion.
-
(laughs) I can't either!
That's great.
-
Next?
-
Seven different kissy faces
because I'm a girl
-
and I wanna confuse the sh*t outta guys.
-
#MixedSignals.
-
I love that.
-
You know, I'm designing
something called the iCloud,
-
just to confuse
the sh*t out of people too.
-
Next?
-
How 'bout a ram!
-
Great! Next?
-
How 'bout we re-create
a bunch of the smiley faces,
-
but as cats.
-
Of-fricking-course!
-
And maybe we can do
smileys with dogs too.
-
No! F*ck dogs!
-
How 'bout another ram?
-
Okay, what is it with you and rams?
-
My friend just really likes them, okay?
-
Reggie, just throw it in there,
the ram for the man.
-
Throw in another ram for the man.
-
Okay, seriously, there are two races
outside of white people
-
represented, but they
all pretty much look white!
-
I mean, is this dude with the turban
supposed to represent
-
all people other than white people?
-
What about a ghost?
A ghost can be any race.
-
Oh my god.
-
Uh, excuse me, but this
top secret lair is booked
-
for my Train Appreciation Club at 12:30.
-
That's my bad.
I'm sorry.
-
Hey, by the way, we can't
really think of any more emojis
-
because these people
aren't geniuses like you and I.
-
Do you have any ideas?
-
13 different trains!
-
Now why the f*ck would we
need that many trains?
-
Oh, looks like we got
a train racist over here, huh?
-
You just think all trains
look the same, don't you?
-
Well, see, you're gonna need
a steam powered train,
-
a bullet train, a slightly speedier
looking bullet train,
-
one with the flat front,
a monorail train,
-
a trolley train,
a trolley trail with the...
-
slight thingie...whatever this is.
It's a little bit different on top.
-
And then we got a front facing train.
-
That same front facing train
going next to a sign,
-
and a train going through a tunnel
for when I need to make
-
a sexual reference to my wife.
-
Eh? Eh?
-
I mean, I could go on for days.
-
- Sold!
- Come on!
-
Guys, we got about
a minute left, so...
-
Lightning round!
-
A purple devil.
-
A huge building with a BK on it.
-
A bloody syringe.
-
A padlock with the tip of an ink pen!
-
A moon that looks he
wants to molest youuu!
-
Fruit that looks like a butt.
-
A flag for all ten countries of the world.
-
Listen!
-
I don't really know what it is.
-
A VHS tape.
-
A pager.
-
Maybe another--
-
NO!
-
Focus, people.
-
We only need one more emoji,
so let's make it good.
-
Come on, guys!
-
We finally have a chance
to represent every ethnicity
-
equally with a universal language.
-
This will bring everybody together
and could change the world.
-
This could be the first step
to world peace.
-
You know what?
He's right.
-
Wouldn't you represent
every race, color, and creed
-
with these emojis?
So what better way
-
to do that then to include
the most underrepresented race
-
of all time!
-
Santa Claus!
-
F-ck you, you smiling piles of sh-t!
-
Wait, no!
That's just it.
-
You're a genius, man.
-
Our final emoji...
-
will be a smiling pile of sh*t.
-
(scary music)
-
(Anthony) Hey, guys,
thanks so much for watching
-
and make sure to hit
that big ass yellow button
-
if you aren't already subscribed.
It will totally make you feel
-
like that cool emoji with the sunglasses.
You know, the one...
-
the...you...yeah.
-
(Ian) If you guys wanna see
bloopers from this video
-
and a deleted scene,
click the video on the left.
-
I tried to send my mom
a simple text message
-
and auto-correct always f*cked it up.
-
Look at this.
-
This is the message
I sent my mom last week.
-
(Ian) And if you wanna see more of me
being a really bad Steve Jobs,
-
click the video on the right
to watch our iPhone 6 commercial.
-
We've made the greatest
enhancements to iOS
-
since the beginning.
All Samsung Galaxy phones
-
within a 50 foot radius
will burst into flames.
-
AAAH!
-
(screaming)
-
[captioned by Subtitle YouTube]
