The secret to a fulfilling life, surprise! | Gil Peretz | TEDxSavyon

A simple behavior can help you improve your happiness, reignite the spark in your relationships, and even deliver unforgettable messages to impact everyone around you positively. What is it? Surprise! In this fun, interactive, and engaging talk, Gil Peretz reveals the secret to a fulfilling life, and how to implement it.

Gil Peretz is an Israeli-American sought-after keynote speaker, international business consultant, and best-selling author. Gil has delivered hundreds of talks and workshops on delivering messages that stick, storytelling for business success, and applying bold and daring mindsets to succeed in the next decade.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

From the moment I was born,
life has been full of surprises.

"Mazel tov, your baby is a redhead!"

the doctor smiled at my shocked mom.

No one in my family expected a ginger.

My dad made his living
inventing children's games,

and his creativity instilled
the magical power of surprise in me.

One day, my mom came home
from the grocery store with eggs.

Suddenly, she dropped them,
and they splattered all over the floor.

The next day, my dad came home
carrying five chickens.

"Surprise! I want us to have
five fresh eggs every morning."

Honestly, I think the chickens
were more surprised than we were,

having to live in our small apartment.

(Laughter)

Fast forward 30 years later,
in my mid-thirties,

my dad attended a leadership
seminar I was delivering.

I gave him a good price too.

(Laughter)

Just before the break,
I tell the audience:

"Feel free to stick a post-it note
with your questions on the whiteboard."

After the break, I walk back
on stage and discover a note...

from my dad.

"Gili, when are you getting married?

(Laughter)

I loved his surprises so much,

but I couldn't even imagine

how much they would impact my life.

Now, let's have some fun.

Everyone, please reach
for the envelopes.

Open it.

Yes!

And hold what's inside up high
so we can all see it.

Now, look around, look around.

Do you see those big smiles?

Well, why are you so happy?
It's only a dollar bill.

Yes, you can keep it.

(Laughter)

Now we all know that $1
can't even buy you a cup of coffee.

So, why are we so happy?

Because of the element of surprise.

Research shows,

that the pleasure center in our brain
is more active during moments of surprise,

and surprises intensify emotions
by up to 400%.

Four hundred percent!

When the brain identifies a surprise,
it releases dopamine.

We remember better.

So,

today,

I want to talk about
the gift of surprise,

how it impacts our happiness,

improves our connections,

and even helps us deliver
powerful messages.

Now, we all know that some surprises
are better than others, right?

“Surprise! We're going to Disney World”

versus "Surprise, dad,
I broke my phone again." (Laughter)

As humans, we prefer
control and stability

over surprise and change,

but even though we want control,

positive surprises still benefit us,

and we can use the art
of surprise to impact others.

Have you ever heard of a unique proposal?

In a hot air balloon,

on a mountain, or underwater,

I proposed with a ring

hidden inside
a warm... chocolate cake!

(Laughter)

And to this day,

my wife dreads cakes fearing
another lifelong commitment.

(Laughter)

See, my dad's note
did influence me after all.

But the problem is that many
relationships lack an element of surprise.

Life tends to become
a predictable gray routine.

So the magic is lost

in the mundane daily tasks of laundry,

driving the kids, or watching
"Dancing with the Stars."

However, research shows

that surprising your partner
with new activities together

reignites the relationship's spark,

and increases the level of satisfaction.

When was the last time
you surprised your loved ones?

I see some of you are smiling
at each other. That's lovely.

(Audience) Seven years ago!

Seven years ago? Not good enough!

(Laughter)

You see, it's simple:
when you surprise someone,

when you surprise people,
you show you care about them,

and surprises are fun.

Last year, I saw my wife's car
parked at a shopping center.

So to surprise her,

I left her a very sweet note
on the windshield.

Only I didn't tell her it was from me...

(Laughter)

At first, she was excited, thrilled.

She thought she had a secret admirer.

(Laughter)

Then she found out it was me.

So a few weeks later,
she left me a surprise,

a love note attached
to a parking ticket

(Laughter)

she had received... so sweet!

Now a surprise doesn't have
to be expensive or sophisticated.

It can be simple.

Even small surprises make a big impact.

And you can surprise your partners
with small gestures

like painting a heart on a mirror,
or hiding a love note in their socks,

or buying the book
they mentioned the other day.

And the exciting thing about surprises

is that whenever you surprise
someone, it also rewards you.

Surprises reward everyone!

And speaking about loved ones,
we have three daughters,

all girls...

(Laugther)

Surprising them? Not easy at all.

I'm not even allowed to tag them
on social media without their permission.

Yet, with time, they realized
that some of our best moments

are from surprising moments,

like when our eldest daughter

flew home to San Diego CA
from Washington DC

and jumped out of a box,

(Laughter)

or when our daughters expected
a seven-hour layover in New York,

but instead, we stayed there for a week.

Two years ago,
after I published my recent book,

my daughters wanted to surprise me,

so they bought me a star,

a real star.

And they named it
after my book "Wow."

Now, I guess I can't travel there,

but I will never forget
how it made me feel.

Now, besides family,

we can use the art of surprise

with friends, or at work with colleagues,
customers, employees,

but now, let's see how we can use it

to deliver compelling messages.

For more than 30 years,

I've delivered hundreds of talks
and workshops around the world

on many topics like influence,
communication skills,

and the mindset for success,

and ever since
I started speaking on stage,

I've used unpredictable moments
to engage my audience.

Now why is it important
to surprise an audience?

Daniel Gilbert and
Matt Killingsworth discovered

that we wander off in our thoughts
and fail to be present

almost half the time,

47%.

That means that since I started talking
about nine minutes ago,

some of you were present for only
four minutes and nine seconds.

(Laughter)

That's exactly why it's a challenge
to deliver messages effectively

because if you are not paying attention
now, you will not remember anything.

However, the moment
you surprise your audience,

you get their attention back.

(Laughter)

(Laughter)

(Falling of a ping-pong ball
on the scene) Thank you.

(Laughter)

(Audience) Yes!

I call these unexpected
moments, "Wow moments".

(Audience) WOW!

Yes! (Applause)

Sometimes people raise their eyebrows,
drop their jaws, and even say...

(Audience) Wow!

Yes, "wow," and the great thing
about wow is that anyone can wow.

A friend of mine, Ayala Biran,
is a safety expert.

She was invited to speak
to construction workers

about protecting their heads
with safety helmets.

So picture this: she goes on stage,

and suddenly, she picks up a watermelon

and drops it on the stage.

Bam! The watermelon splashes everywhere.

Everyone is shocked.

Can you imagine the chunks
of watermelon on the stage?

Then she says, "What happens
to the watermelon

can happen to anyone without a helmet."

Wow!

That's exactly how a message becomes
not only memorable but also unforgettable.

Now there are many creative ways
to wow an audience,

and in my book, I've collected
more than a hundred ideas.

When designing a wow moment,
you want to ask yourself one question:

what emotion do I wish to evoke
to deliver my message?

In most cases, we want
to evoke positive emotions

like joy,

trust,

and surprise,

but sometimes we can
evoke negative emotions

like sadness,

or fear.

Why is it important to trigger emotions?

Well, when an emotion
is attached to a message,

people remember it better.

Sometimes people
may forget what you say,

but they never forget
how you make them feel.

So if surprises make such a big impact,

why don't we use them more often?

As part of my research,
I posted that question on social media,

"Why don't you surprise more often?"
and hundreds of people replied.

Most of them said, "What if I fail?"

"What if they don't like my surprise?"

"I'm an introvert,"

"I'm not good at surprising,"

and the best one,
"I'm an accountant. We don't do wow."

(Laughter)

However, there are lots of reasons
why you should surprise more.

First, "Satisfaction."

When we surprise,

we increase the level
of satisfaction in our relationships.

When we surprise,
we create unforgettable moments.

We activate the dopamine,

and we create magical moments
for the people we care about.

When we surprise,
we renew the spark in our life.

We become more present
as well as the people that we surprise.

Surprises reward everyone.

And surprises
intensify emotions by up to 400%.

And "Simplicity," it's simple to do it.

Even small surprises make a big impact.

And last but not least,

"Enjoyment."

When we surprise, we activate
the pleasure center in our brain,

so we impact our happiness.

That's why I'm so passionate
about spreading the gift of surprise.

After my dad passed away
seven months ago at the age of 94,

I realized that one
of his secrets to a great life

was his habit of surprising,

and I truly believe it helped him
think with flexibility, humor, and joy,

and kept him young forever.

So now, I invite you all
to embrace surprise.

Take a moment to reflect on how you can
apply the gift of surprise in your life.

You know, at the beginning of every year,

I pick one word as my inspiration
for the whole year,

and every morning, I focus on that word.

This year, I'm choosing
the word "surprise,"

and I invite you all to join me

and let "surprise" be your word too

so together, we can create
a year full of surprises.

It's wow or never.

Thank you.

(Applause)